#journal*

I gave Vic my bracelet and told him thank you and he kept saying my name and was like I’m so sorry about your mom and hugged me for awhile. and then he was right across from us, like across the room and I stood up and waved and he waved back at me.

i’m talking about vic fuentes, from pierce the veil.

throwback to when i was in high school and got to meet ptv (and sws) at the same time, i was so happy when i met vic lol.

im not perfect by far and ive done some dumb shit both as a kid and as an adult that I can’t excuse but fuck if I’m not trying hard to get better and learn and not let my bs mind junk get the best of me by telling me to go with the flow

I’m trying to be more vocal about stuff I believe in too - even if I’m wrong, because really, the only way you can get better is by either doing quiet research yourself (which is super hard; I’ve been doing it for years, trust me, it’s hard to do all by yourself without asking for any help) or by having the help of others (which admittedly is much easier but a lot more painful- it’s good but you know how people get about pain, esp me, a fuckin weenie). Actually, the ideal version of growth is both things, but I digress.

the best growth spurts i had were when my friends called me on my bullshit and gave me a slap to tell me to stop being a fuckwad. Which. I don’t want to imply that all of my growth (or anyone’s growth really) should be always dependent on other people. Because it shouldn’t. No one should have to shoulder the burden that is YOUR personal growth.

But god if it doesn’t help to get proverbially smacked once in a while to learn better.

You can study the books all you want, but you will never actually learn and succeed in what you’re doing until you, well. FUCKING DO IT.

Anyways this post is kind of a dumb ramble but it’s me trying to admit that I am 100% passionate and that is not always good, but damnit if I don’t want to stop being a wuss and hiding in corners not saying what I think in fear anymore. I want to make myself be okay with being wrong but also make myself okay with breaking waves, because that’s so fucking important in growth. You don’t grow by passivity, you don’t grow by going with the flow. Bones grow stronger under stress and USE. so fucking USE them era, goddamnit.

I’d rather get smacked and corrected than sit in the corner in quiet fear of being wrong like I have been doing for the past few years. It smells of piss in this corner and enough is enough.

No one’s perfect. I certainly am no exception, and I certainly have a lot of privilege and societal favor that often influences my opinions - quite often incorrectly - that I am unlearning. I am a stubborn asshole at times with change because it’s just physically hard to change sometimes. I have bad qualities. But fucking guess what? Everyone has them. Everyone. I am not a single monster living among a society of good people, I am a human living among humans. I am not the sole core of evil like religion taught me I am. I am NOT satan, or demon possessed. or any of that fuckshit.

I am a goddamn human being and I am fucking learning to be a better one with every day that goes by.

But fuck it. You can’t grow by sitting in a piss soaked corner and hiding, at least not by the growth necessary to be a good ally to those who need it.

Stop being a coward and go fight for people you fuck. Call people out for their bullshit. Make waves. You have all (or most) of society on your side where other’s don’t. Use that for your friends you fucking asshole. You talk about standing up to shit, so do it.

YOU CAN DO IT, YOU KNOW YOU CAN, YOU JUST CAN’T LET YOURSELF FUCKING SIT BACK AND GROAN/COWER BECAUSE YOU’RE SCARED TO GET SMACKED.

The sales have been extended! The vGEN sale will run till July 12th, the ETSY one till July 16th!

Some of the items in my shop are on clearance, so you can get up to 50% off on a select few!