#joshmatthws

For weeks, Riley and Lucas were on cloud nine. They told everyone that they knew, every student in Riley’s class was so excited that Mrs. Friar was going to be having a baby, and Lucas swore that Maya almost cried when they told him she was gonna be an aunt. Both her parents and his were even excited about being grandparents, even though both Cory and Topanga told them that they were way too young to be someone’s nana and papa. Lucas and Riley had never been happier and they were beyond ready to take this next step in their lives.

But of course, like all good things in life, it didn’t take long for it all to come crashing down.

About two months into Riley’s pregnancy, her and Lucas had gone to the doctor’s for a routine ultrasound, excited to see their baby. Lucas swears that he’s never seen Riley this excited before, and her excitement is almost completely matched by his own. But that excitement was only temporary and was soon replaced by something else entirely.

From the minute the ultrasound technician had excused herself to go grab a doctor, a slightly panicked look on her face, Lucas’ stomach fell. He tried to stay optimist as Riley’s hand was gripping his and tears were welling up in her eyes.

“Hey, hey, I’m sure everything’s gonna be okay, nothing to worry about ok?” Lucas’ words had done little to calm Riley down, and the kiss he had pressed on her cheek hadn’t relaxed her panicked features, but she forced him a small smile and they waited in silence for the doctor.

As soon as the doctor opened her mouth, Riley’s hand fell from his and the tears she had been holding back earlier were streaming down her face. Lucas’ had barely been able to understand what the doctor was saying, a lot of medical terms that Lucas had never while studying animals, but the key words echoed over and over in his mind, and still haunted him years later.

“Mrs. Friar, there’s a very good chance that if you continue this pregnancy full term, both you and the baby could die.”  

Riley’s face had been unreadable, the tears were still running down her cheeks, but her eyes weren’t filled with sadness or fear. The doctor excused herself and told them to have as much time as they needed to process the information and Lucas nodded in thanks, refusing to take his eyes off of Riley. As soon as they were alone, Riley had turned to him, swallowing down the rest of her tears, her hand finding his again and giving it a squeeze. Lucas knew what she was about to say, but that didn’t stop the words from shaking him to his core.

“Lucas, I’m having this baby.”

Riley had always been selfless, and Lucas had always loved and admired how she always put others before herself, and never acted out of spite or greed. But, he hated her for this. As excited as he was about the idea of being a father, he never wanted it to come at the cost of losing Riley, he wanted to yell and scream and get mad at her, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He felt completely and utterly defeated.

For the next couple of weeks, Lucas never tried to bring it up again. They decided it was best to keep this between them for a while, Riley because she didn’t want to cause any arguments among their friends and family and didn’t want to worry anyone, and Lucas because he was still hoping she would change her mind before they had to tell anyone. Riley went about her daily life, taking care of herself like any pregnant woman would, and while Lucas couldn’t bring himself to ever be ok with her decision, he did anything and everything she asked him to do, because despite how mad he was, he still loved her more than anything.

But one day, about three and a half months into Riley’s pregnancy, Lucas couldn’t not talk about it anymore.

“Riley, we need to talk about this.” Lucas announced randomly one night while they were both sitting on the couch, her legs across his lap and his hand rubbing her arm.

“Whatever do we have to talk about, Lucas.” Lucas groaned, he hated how she refused to look at him and pretended to not know what the hell he was talking about.

“We need to talk about how you’re so willing to risk your life for this baby. Listen, Riles, I know how excited you are and how much you want to be a mom, but there are other ways for us to have a baby. We can adopt, we can get a surrogate, we can still have the family that we always wanted without it risking your life.” He was now completely facing her on the couch, holding her hands in his, but she still refused to look at him. And he knew, that no matter how passionately he told her all these things, she had made up her mind.

“Lucas, I hear what you’re saying, I do. And I love you for wanting no harm to come to me, but I have to do this. I want to do this. I don’t care if it’s risky, this baby is me and this baby is you and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I can’t give up on this baby, please, understand that.” She was tired, that much was evident from her voice, and Lucas truly did understand how much this decision was weighing on her.

“I just don’t want to lose you.” Riley’s arms snaked around his neck, pulling his body close against her, her legs looping around his waist to keep them connected.

“I’m not going anywhere. Besides, the doctor only said it was a possibility that something would happen. And since when have you and I not defied every odd against us.” She smiled softly, pressing her lips against his cheek, and Lucas couldn’t help but also smile. She did have a point, and while he did feel a little better, there still was a weight as heavy as concrete sitting in his stomach.

The next couple months seemed to fly by, faster than Lucas could have anticipated, or wanted them to. Every single day he found himself staring at Riley’s growing stomach and feeling resentful. He hated that he felt this way towards his unborn child, but he couldn’t help it. Riley’s behavior certainly wasn’t helping much to ease his feelings on the subject. She was acting as though nothing could possibly happen, and while he loved her eternal optimism, no matter the dire circumstances at risk, he wanted to talk to her about what would happen if everything didn’t turn out how she wanted it.

But, she was so excited and so was everyone else around them, that he held his tongue and didn’t say anything.

By month 7 of her pregnancy, Lucas had pretty much resigned to the idea that everything bad that he was imagining could happen, was definitely going to happen. He had made his peace with God months ago that he was never supposed to have anything good happen, that the minute that everything in his life was lining up, that they would all come crashing down in seconds. Riley, while everyday tried to convince him that everything was going to be ok, wasn’t exactly making him feel any better and it made him angry. He hated how much this entire situation was making him feel. This was supposed to be an exciting, happy time in his life and instead he was mad at the person he loved more than anything and their unborn baby she was carrying inside of her.

They still hadn’t told anyone about Riley’s situation, mainly because Riley was pretending that it wasn’t happening and Lucas, while still angry, knew he should respect her wishes. Riley’s pregnancy had actually been pretty smooth sailing, there hadn’t been too much pain outside the ordinary, and every parenting book that he picked up said that all of her behavior was normal. Lucas had to admit, pregnancy was a cute look on her. She spent almost all of her time wearing his clothing these day and her hair was always piled on the top of her head, and every day she would look at him with this bright smile on her face, and he would remember why he fell in love with all those years ago in the first place.

Of course, if there was one thing that Lucas knew from loving Riley as long as he had, was that, not everything was always as it seemed on the surface.

One night, about three weeks before Riley’s due date, Lucas woke up in the middle of the night, finding himself alone in their bed. This wasn’t as uncommon as Lucas wishes it was, a lot of night, he would wake up when it was still dark and Riley would be either down in the kitchen, or sitting in the nursery that they had put together a couple weeks ago. (They had argued for days about what color they would paint it, Lucas wanted a light red and Riley a soft yellow color, in the end, Riley had won. Lucas would have found the argument humorous if there wasn’t this cloud hanging over their head).

This night seemed, different somehow, Lucas rubbed his eyes and slipped out of their bedroom to try and find her and convince her to come back to bed. He was about to turn down the hallway towards the kitchen, when he heard a faint crying coming from the other direction. Furrowing his eyebrows he quickly moved towards the nursery, pushing the slightly ajar door open, and his heart nearly broke at the sight in front of him.

Riley was curled up on the rug, the baby blanket her parents had given her clutched in her hand, her eyes red and wide from crying. She only whimpered when Lucas came to side and pulled her into his arms, kissing the side of her face softly. However, if Lucas thought the mere sight of her falling apart was heartbreaking, he would never be able to prepare himself for the next words of her mouth.

“Lucas, I don’t wanna die.”

The crack in her voice, the way her hand was grasping his wrist, the way her eyes filled to the brim with tears as she looked at him, would stay permanently ingrained in his mind for the rest of his life. Riley had been acting so strong for the last eight and half months, which only made it more heartbreaking to watch her fall apart, especially when he had no idea how to completely put her back together.

“Hey, hey, hey. Riles, baby, look at me, listen to me. You are not going to die, okay? I’m not going to let you die. You are going to live and you are going to be the best mom in the world to this baby okay? You said it yourself, we’re Riley and Lucas, we defy the odds. Everything is going to be just fine, okay? You’re going to be just fine. I promise.” He pressed his lips lightly onto every single inch of skin on her face, holding her cheek softly.

“I love you, Lucas. More than anything. Thank you so much for staying by my side.”

“There’s absolutely no other place in this world that I would rather be.”

And two weeks later, when Riley was calling him frantically from the hospital (she had gone into labor while eating lunch at her parent’s place) that’s exactly where he was. He had run like a madman, checking every single room until he found her, Zay and Farkle (who he had been with when he got said phone call) trailing behind him, startling her parents and Maya when he burst into the room.

“No matter what happens?” Even laying in a hospital bed, nearly seven hours after going into labor, sweat dripping from her forehead, her pinky weakly held up towards him, she was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“No matter what happens.” He whispered, hooking their pinkies together, pressing a firm kiss to the top of her head. It was just the two of them now, her parents, Maya and Josh were all waiting in the waiting room, and his parents were on the next flight out from Texas. “I love you so much, Riles.”

“I love you too.” She said softly, before they were interrupted by the doctor, who came in and told her it was time to push. When he had first gotten here, he had been told by one of the doctors that they were all aware of her condition and were going to have extra people in the room when she started pushing to ensure that nothing happened, but his heart still started racing and his hands were shaking from the nerves. But, he knew he had to be strong.

As Riley screamed, Lucas held her hand and coached her through the whole thing, telling her when to breath and letting her squeeze her hand as long as she needed to and after what seemed like an eternity, Riley’s screams were replaced with the sounds of their baby.

“It’s a girl.” The doctor announced happily and Lucas looked at Riley, who, while looking tired, had a soft smile on her face.

“Can I see her?” Riley’s voice was weak and her arms were shaking as she reached out to grab the little girl. Lucas couldn’t take his eyes off either of them, a small smile on his face. “I love you so much, I’m so happy that I get to finally meet you.” Riley’s lips placed a soft kiss on their daughter’s forehead before handing her back over the doctor so they could finish cleaning her off and checking to make sure everything was ok.

And it was. Until it wasn’t.

Lucas doesn’t remember exactly how the next sequence of events happened, but one minute he was looking at Riley, who was giving him a soft smile as she squeezed his hand and the next he was being ushered out of the room and doctor’s circled Riley’s bed.

The complications that had caused Riley’s condition in the first place had become dormant when she started going into labor, but became worse as soon as she begun pushing. Lucas doesn’t really remember all the details, mainly because his entire world had come crashing down around him as soon as the doctor had said “We’re extremely sorry, Mr. Friar, we did everything we could.”

On November 14, at 10:46 in evening, Violet Erica Friar had entered the world, just as beautiful as her mother, and on November 14, at 11:07 in the evening, Riley Grace Friar passed away due to labor complications. Years later, when Violet is grown and asking about her mother, Lucas would tell her that God only wanted one angel to be on earth at a time, so the minute she was born, he had to take one away. At the time, though, all he wanted to do was curse and scream and get angry, but one look at their little girl, the perfect girl that him and Riley had created, he knew what Riley would have wanted him to do.

Riley had given her own life so their daughter could live. And through all the anger and pain that Lucas felt because of her loss, he could never bring himself to be resentful. He still loved Riley more and more as each day passed, and he focused all that love into Violet, the little girl who was the perfect combination of her mother and her father (although if you asked Lucas, she was going to look exactly like her mother someday, as beautiful as the sun).

Lucas never loved again, but that was okay. He had gotten to love Riley Matthews and there was nothing more he wanted out of life. He visited her gravestone every Sunday, always bringing new flowers, Violet always tugging at his arm, making sure that he told her mama all about what she was doing in school, or how the new puppy he had gotten her was doing (sometimes she told these stories herself, but most of the time, she was too nervous, telling Lucas that since he was the one that knew mama, he should be the one to talk.)

“Everyday is hard without you, Riles. But it’s funny, the other day I was looking at her as she was chasing that dang puppy all through the kitchen and I came to realize something. We still defied the odds. We still created the most beautiful little girl in the entire world and I still love you as much as I did when you fell into my lap.” He looked down at Violet, who was sitting cross legged in the grass, a orange leaf twirling in her hand. “We miss you, Riles. But we’ll see you next week.” Placing the flowers down, he holds out his hand, “Come on Vi, let’s get going, Auntie Maya wants to see you this afternoon. Say bye to mama first though.”

He had to wonder though why she didn’t have any actual friends, he always saw her hugging that teddy bear of hers in the morning before school started, but he never saw her with anyone besides her father. Sure, she seemed as though she was a bit, too happy, sometimes, but he had to admire her confidence and unwillingness to change who she was because a few people stared at her strangely in the hallways. He had never seen her with anything less than smile on her face, and he had never known someone who wasn’t happy to skip everywhere.

Not that he had noticed what she was doing or anything.

Of course, it wasn’t like this was new behavior for her, in fact, her sunshine-y demeanor had been one of the first things he had noticed about her when they first met back in 7th grade. For some reason, even though all of his memories of middle school in New York had all blended together, the day he met Riley Matthews stuck out like a sore thumb. It had been his first day of school, and he had been determined to keep his head down and not talk to anyone, but Riley Matthews was determined to speak to him. She had marched right up to his locker after first period, which they coincidentally had together, with her father has their teacher, and tapped him (rather aggressively) on the shoulder.

“Hello!” She had said, her voice bright and enthusiastic. Lucas had planned on pretended that she wasn’t there, or merely nodding at her, but that’s really not what ended up happening, at all. Because as soon as he had turned around to look at her, he found it hard not to smile at her. Her wide doe eyes had stared him him expectantly, and her smile was genuine and contagious.

“Hi.” The sound of his voice had been unrecognizable and he had felt the corners of his mouth move up in an attempt to smile, but he refused to let Riley Matthews break him. He had a very good idea of the kind of person he wanted to be in New York, and that person was definitely not someone who was friends with Riley Matthews.

Now, here he was two years later, roaming the halls after school to make sure that she was safe. After their conversation at Topanga’s yesterday, Lucas had to wonder if he had made the right decision back in seventh grade. It was strange, foreign, for him to willingly talk to someone as long as he had talked to Riley, and he couldn’t deny the weird pulling sensation that had led him to Topanga's in the first place. He had followed her there because he felt like he had to, and in the end he was glad he did.

But now, a day later, he wanted more. That night, he had gone back to his dark, and cold apartment and thought of Riley’s smile and her wide brown eyes and the thought warmed him and made him grin. It was a strange feeling, and he wanted to shake it away and go back to pretending that Riley didn’t exist, but he couldn’t. He felt this overwhelming need to be near her and protect her and tell her all of his secrets.

Lucas Friar wasn’t a trusting person.

Not many people knew anything about him beyond his name and he had moved to New York from Texas, but five minutes of being around Riley Matthews and suddenly, he was telling her things that no one else in the world knew, or that he would dare tell anyone else. Riley Matthews was different.

Which he guessed, is why he wanted to protect her. Which is how he found himself leaning against a set of lockers, watching her talk to Maya Hart, ready to jump in at any moment. But it didn’t take long to realize he wouldn’t need to.

Riley seemed to have the same effect on Maya that she had had on him, that calming presence where you feel safe and like nothing can hurt you anymore. He briefly wondered while watching them, how life would have been different if he had made an effort to become friends with her back in 7th grade.

Once they were alone, Lucas couldn’t not smile at her. Things felt different, he felt different. He continued to feel that pull towards her, and he had a strange feeling that suddenly everything was going to be different.

“Hey.” She said, breaking their silence, the faint screaming and light laughter coming from Maya and her younger brother becoming more and more distant, leaving them definitively alone.

“Hi.” This felt familiar, and not just because it was the exact conversation they had had as twelve year olds on the first day of seventh grade. He furrowed his brows together, as he got flashes of a conversation between him and Riley that had never happened, at least that he could remember, before shaking it off as he heard Riley’s voice.

“So, you really stood by to make that nothing happened? Were you really that worried?” He couldn’t read the emotion in her voice, she sounded curious more than anything, but there was something else there, something he couldn’t exactly pick out.

“I guess. I just felt like I needed to make sure that nothing bad happened. Although, it didn’t take me long to figure out that you had the situation all under control.” He smiled lightly. He could see the blush in her cheeks as she looked down at her hands, which were folded by her stomach.

“Well, thank you.” She smiled at him, her brown eyes filled with light and wonder. “I knew that Maya would never do anything to hurt me, but I’m glad that you were here.”

“Well, maybe I wasn’t telling the whole truth earlier, maybe I do care about what happens to you.” He didn’t know what caused those words to spill out of his mouth. Lucas wasn’t one to display his emotions, but there was just something about the way she was smiling and looking at him, that made him want to tell her everything.

“I don’t really know what to say to that.” She laughed softly, tucking her hair behind her ear and looking down at her sneakers. “I’m not really sure why you care so much about what happens to me, you hardly know me.”

“You know, I never did get a chance to tell you yesterday what I wanted to do with my life.” She grinned widely at him and he couldn’t help but return the gesture. “There’s a lot we still have to learn about each other.”

“That’s very true. So, what do you wanna know?” Her shoulders shrugged slightly and he couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. Riley Matthews might have been a strange duck, but she sure was a cute one.

Lucas was about to open his mouth and answer her when the noise of her younger brother still being chased by Maya interrupted them. Although, from the sounds of it, both of them were consumed in laughter, something that seemed put a smile on Riley’s face. “Why do we continue this conversation later, tomorrow, at Topanga’s.” Riley’s eyes widened, before Lucas quickly added. “If you want, of course?” He was still a southern gentleman, after all.

“That sounds lovely, Lucas. I’ll see you there, after school.” She gave him one last smile, nodding her head, before skipping off to join Maya and her brother. Lucas grinned after her, shaking his head lightly.