Never Enough ~ Nam Joohyuk
A sigh came from you as finally the front door opened, completely unaware of how late it was. You didn’t quite know how to react as Joohyuk finally come home, deciding to keep your eyes staring down at your phone, failing to acknowledge him as he walked into the room.
Unlike you, his eyes were firmly on you, watching you closely. Joohyuk wasn’t surprised to see you failing to respond, he knew that he was home much later than he told you he’d be, but when work called, he felt he had no other choice but to be there.
That choice had been made countless times by Joohyuk, leaving you at your apartment all by yourself. You were tired to say the least, even as Joohyuk dropped down to sit on the chair at the opposite side of the room, you just couldn’t bring yourself to smile.
“How have you been?” Joohyuk asked you, trying to break some of the tension that was in the room. “I really didn’t intend to be home as late as I was tonight Y/N.”
“I’ve heard that several times before,” you muttered under your breath.
A slight nod of the head came from Joohyuk in reply to you, not quite knowing what to say. He understood why you were so frustrated, he was annoyed himself that work had been so busy, feeling the pressure more than ever to make sure that he got everything done.
“I’m sorry Y/N,” Joohyuk told you, scratching over the top of his head as he tried to get your eyes.
You weren’t quite as willing as Joohyuk to have a conversation though. You couldn’t help but feel angry, defeated almost. The number of times Joohyuk had let you down was far too high for you to dare remember anymore.
The silence that came from you was beginning to frustrate Joohyuk too, wanting you to at least try with him. He understood so far, but the effort that you were putting in to ignore him felt slightly too much even by Joohyuk’s standards.
“Is this how it’s going to be? You’re just going to make me feel bad about this forever?”
“What else is there to do?” You quizzed, “I’ve waited here all night to talk to you, but nothing.”
A sigh came from Joohyuk as yet again he heard the annoyance that was in your voice. “I’ve got work to do Y/N, I can’t keep saying no to them because I’ve got to spend time with you, we can’t all come home at dinner and just put our feet up.”
Your eyes widened as Joohyuk managed to get a sly dig in, finally glancing across at him. “The point is you can say no sometimes, you don’t have to constantly be there. There are other people who want your time Joohyuk, even people that are lucky to finish work at a reasonable time like me.”
“Maybe I’ve not got the balance of home and work right, but what can I do?”
You couldn’t quite believe what you were hearing, almost as if Joohyuk was expecting someone else to give him the answers. If he really wanted to spend time with you then he would solve things for himself instead.
“I wish I could be at home more,” Joohyuk tried his best to tell you, “but my career is my drive, it’s what makes me who I am Y/N. I’m making a name for myself right now and I don’t want something to mess that up.”
“You mean someone like me?” You questioned, standing up from the sofa. “If you want to tell me that I’m in the way Joohyuk, then just say that.”
As soon as his eyes noticed you walking towards the direction of the stairs, Joohyuk stood up too. He took a few steps left so that he was inline with you, reaching out.
A sigh came from you as you felt a hand wrap around your wrist, refusing to let you go. “You’re not a problem in my life Y/N, I can’t believe you’d think that’s what I think.”
“Just let go of me,” you asked Joohyuk, pulling your arm away. “If I wasn’t a problem in your life then you’d want to be here with me, you’d at least notice how much this is bothering me.”
Joohyuk dropped his hand back down to his side, with his eyes still looking in your direction. He could see that you were hurting, there was no more fight in your eyes, just exhaustion and a need for something different out of your relationship.
“I’m sorry that I’ve been so consumed with work recently,” Joohyuk told you in a much calmer voice. “Perhaps there have been quite a few times when I could have told them no instead of yes.”
There was nothing else that you could do other than nod at what Joohyuk said, knowing that he was right, things could have been different, and they should have been different too.
“I’m sorry too that I’ve ended up ignoring you because of how things have been,” Joohyuk continued to tell you. “More than anything I want to be here with you, but I’m too scared to say no to the people at work, I think that’s my biggest problem.”
“You know all I’ve ever wanted is that I just want to be enough for you, but recently it’s felt as if I could not be further down the list of priorities for you.”
Your words stung Joohyuk, sending a slight shiver down his spine. He had never realised how badly his drive to stick around at work had bothered you and felt you feeling as if you didn’t matter even a little bit in Joohyuk’s life.
“I promise that I’m going to be around more, make more of an effort for us,” Joohyuk assured you as the two of you started walking back into the room. “I don’t care what it takes, things need to be better, and I need to pay attention to you. You’re not bottom of the pile Y/N, you’re always at the very top for me.”
You dropped down on the sofa, feeling Joohyuk drop down beside you. His hand rested slowly against your leg, relieved that you didn’t brush him out of the way.
You didn’t quite know how Joohyuk could fix things, or how long it would take to make a change, all you could do was be hopeful that something would give. How you were living was never how you wanted your relationship to be, and long term you knew that it was never going to work out with Joohyuk as it was.
“I’m going to speak to them at the set tomorrow and tell them that I need to be home at dinner time,” Joohyuk promised you, “that’s when you get home, isn’t it?”
“Is it really that easy for you?” You asked him in surprise, “I mean there’s so many people there relying on you, can you just turn around and go?”
Joohyuk nodded in reply to you, knowing that he had no choice but to put his foot down. “I’ll sort something out with them, no matter what it takes.”
It was a start for the two of you, but a small part of you still worried. You didn’t just want for it to be a one time thing from Joohyuk, you wanted to have many evenings with him, not just the one that he thought would please you.
“I promise that things are going to change,” Joohyuk told you once again as your eyes turned to look across at him, “I mean it Y/N too.”
“I hope you do,” you whispered, “I don’t want to be nothing to you Joohyuk, I at least want to be something.”
“You’re more than that, you’re everything.”
