fronting is. hard now. i dated a fictive of my source partner whose system we'd known for many, many years a while ago. he... disappeared, like i always worried about in source. like we always tried to come back from. except we didn't come back from it this time. i can't think about it without feeling sick. four years ago, and i'm just as hung up over it.
you would think, after knowing all the world's fear for so long, that i'd be better at being afraid. or that i'd be less afraid. of course that can't be the case. i front and i'm just as afraid as i used to be. spiders, my past, the future, whatever it is. it wasn't so difficult to deal with a few years ago. now it's unbearable.
it helps to get my thoughts out. make it like a statement. i used to do that more often. i might pick it back up again.
- jonathan sims (the magnus archives, fictive)
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