#jonathan scarfe

So erm this was supposed to just be a couple sentences but ended up becoming a full-blown rant, please bare with me

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD AND BRIEF MENTIONS OF SUICIDE ⚠️

So basically it all started when Judas saw Jesus going bonkers in the temple and got really horny-

Then he decided to invite Him back to his place for some grapes (malewife mode activated)

Afterwards Caiaphas and co. abduct Judas (this happens a total of three times) and attempt to blackmail him

Caiaphas calls Judas ‘son’

Judas ignores Caiaphas and runs away with Jesus. They start play-fighting and end up wrestling on the ground

Jesus says “I want you to spend eternity with me“

Unfortunately the harmony is short-lived. Judas sees Jesus hugging Matthew and gets jealous

Pilate, Herod and Caiaphas regularly get together for tea and crumpets

Here Judas is basically the stand-in for Simon Zealots. We learned that his father died in an attempt to stir up a Jewish insurrection. Flower!child Jesus asks Judas why he’s staying despite their contradicting beliefs and he replies: “I’m drawn to you like a thirsty horse to a riverbed” 😳

Babygirl 🌸

Supportive mama Iscariot tells her son he should invite his new boyfriend over for Passover, then promptly dies

OMG THE KISS

Judas really just smushed their faces together 🥴

The cinematic choices here are really cool, Jesus is almost always surrounded by light Star Wars hologram lookin ass whereas Judas is consumed by shadow the edgelord

After turning Jesus in Judas instantly regrets it, and tries to get the apostles together to rescue Him. It doesn’t work (obviously) so he screams and cries his way through the trial before going to hang himself

His last thought is of Jesus asking him to join the Eternal Kingdom 🥺

JESUS AND JUDAS’ DEATHS PARALLEL EACHOTHER

The disciples take Judas down because they know it’s what Jesus would have wanted, praying for him as the screen fades to black

The end 🥲

Conclusion

Judas has the vibes of an early 2000s made-for-tv movie (which it is) so I got what I came for. Definitely a fun ride if you like JCS and want to see attractive people acting out a biblically-inaccurate rendition of The Passion in the style of Gladiator (2000) or Troy (2004). The language used is modern, everyone speaks in American or English accents. Pilate even uses the term ‘rabble-rousing’ Overall I give Judas 18 silver pieces out of 30, for being corny and anachronistic but homoerotic enough to satiate all the freaks out there like me

To think this all could have been prevented if Judas just took his iron pills

Bonus quotes:

“Don’t leave me, I thought I was special to you!”

-Judas

“I wish you could love yourself the way I love you.”

-Jesus

ER - 04x16 - My Brother’s Keeper

Van Helsing (2016) Stay Inside

S1E3