#joining up

“Y/N,” Steve’s voice called through the room and you immediately ran to him. “I’m so sorry.”

Letting him out of the hug you looked at him properly. His eyes were red and you could tell he had shed a few tears. “What is it?” Everyone else was crowded in the other room watching, everyone but Bucky. “No.”

“Y/N, I tried.” Your knees gave out and Steve caught you setting you in a chair. “He got shot and fell out of the train, he was hanging onto the side but when I went to get him he slipped and fell.”

Tears were hot on your face and the silent sobbing racked your body. Everything hurt.

Steve held onto you trying to console you the best he could but you just grabbed his hand and fell into his chest. There was nothing he could do.

“I’m flying back to tell Winnie and George, I’d like for you to come with me.” You nodded, no words could come out now. “I just...I don’t know what to say.”

You walked out of the room not caring who saw you crying. The rest of the group was silent mourning the loss with you but knowing that it wasn’t as deep as yours or Steve’s, Agent Carter tried to get a consoling smile but you couldn’t take the pity in her eyes.

Your best friend, the man who had taken care of you all your life and had made you laugh every chance he got. He was gone. You and Steve only had each other now and going to the room you had set up in you found Bucky’s jacket, the one he gave you right before the mission and curled up with it.

He had died with the pictures, you were with him until the very end just like he said.

Grabbing onto the wool you tried to think of the great times you all had, the memories you had talked about on his last night, and all you could feel was the sadness.

After a few moments you realized that there was a shuffling sound in the pocket of Bucky’s jacket and you sat up to find what it was. You pulled out a few envelopes, one addressed to Bucky’s mom and you made a note to bring it with you, another with Steve’s name on it, and the last with yours.

Opening the envelope you could feel the blood pumping through your body.

Y/N, If you’re reading this, it means I didn’t make it. I didn’t want to leave you with nothing, so I’m writing this to tell you everything.

I have enjoyed every moment we’ve spent together, years of memories and laughs with you and Steve have made my life one worth living. But it was all a lie because no matter how much I tried I couldn’t stop loving you.

The night before I shipped out I left your parents a letter telling them that I would always protect you, with my life if need be, and that I would make sure you got home to them. But I also asked them for their blessing so that when we came back from the war I could marry you.

I don’t want this to ruin whatever memories you have or tarnish the thoughts you have about me, but I wanted to make sure that if I didn’t make it you really knew how I felt about you.

Take care of Steve and let him take care of you, you’re the only one he has left.

Love always, Bucky

The sobs racked through your body and as much as you tried to control it there was no catching your breath, you must have screamed because Steve came crashing through the door. “What’s wrong?”

You couldn’t speak but the letter in your hand was all he needed to see. Steve sank into the seat next to you taking the paper from your hand and reading it. Once he finished his arms enveloped your body holding you as tightly as he could, you clawed at him trying to find something to grasp at anything.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.”

“It’s not your fault,” He still tried to calm you through the sobs. “I know you tried Steve.”

He shushed you letting the tears run freely down his cheeks. You had both lost someone today, to get through this you would need each other.

So when Steve found out where Red Skull was you were both happy and terrified, you ran into the compound after the rest of the Commandos with Peggy and other soldiers taking out any of the Hydra agents who survived.

“Y/N, get in!” Peggy was running to the car with Colonel Phillips and you jumped into the back seat with her.

The car sped down the hanger and Steve jumped into the front seat. “I need to jump onto the plane!”

“Steve, remember your promise!”

Peggy called him back and kissed him soundly before Steve turned and leapt from the car onto the wheel. You all watched as he climbed into the jet and turned back to get to the command center.

“What was his promise?”

You stared at Peggy for a minute before swallowing the lump in your throat. “That he would never abandon me, he promised that he would always come back. He and Bucky both did.”

The moments seemed to go on forever, time may as well have stopped completely until finally you heard his voice.

“It’s headed straight for New York, I need to put it down.”

“We can find a safe landing spot, give us a moment.”

“There’s no time. I need to put it down in the water or else it’s going to blow over the city.”

Your throat caught and Peggy reached for your hand. “Tell us your coordinates, we’ll come get you.”

“I can’t, there’s no time. Listen Peggy…”

You didn’t listen, you couldn’t hear his goodbye but when she squeezed your fingers you realized he was trying to talk to you. “Steve?”

“Y/N, thank you. For everything.”

“No Steve, I should be thanking you.”

You could see the sad smile and the shake of his head. “Y/N, when you get home and go tell Winnie what happened...tell her I’m sorry. Then go check Bucky’s sock drawer, there’s something for you there.”

“Alright, I love you Steve.”

“I love y-”

The radio cut out and you could feel everything crash down on you. Falling to the floor the scream caused everyone to run in the room and pick you up off the ground before carrying you out followed by Peggy being led out.

You were sent to London for rebriefing and on VE Day went to the very same bar Steve had recruited you all in. “To the Captain, and Sergeant Barnes.”

A toast and the small group stood solemnly while everyone around you celebrated.

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You promised the Commandos that you would be back, you were going to stay with them and keep fighting Hydra of course, but first you had to go home.

Bucky’s family hadn’t taken the news well, Winnie held the folded American flag to her chest and cried, but they understood when you asked to see Bucky’s room one last time.

Just like Steve said there was a box in Bucky’s sock drawer filled with memories of them together. Pictures, invitations to things you went to, ticket stubs, and little gifts you had gotten him. When you arrived back to your parents house they immediately knew something was wrong.

“I lost both of them.” You said holding the box in your lap. “I found them, and fought with them, and then I lost them.”

Your dad sighed rubbing your arm. “But you’re still going back.”

It wasn’t a question, he already saw the determination in your eyes. “I have to, for them.”

So you went back just like you promised, to make the world a better place and rid Hydra from it and to finish out the job you had started with your best friends.

Your last night together, the last night that you and the boys would be able to spend enjoying each others company before bucky shipped out and you couldn’t stop smiling. A few tears had been shed that afternoon of course, you weren’t completely heartless, your best friend was going off to war.

Still the three of you went out trying to enjoy the fair, Bucky found a girl who wanted to go dancing and was excited enough, but you could see Steve was upset.

“Let’s just try to have a good night before Buck leaves.” He would say when you pressed him, Steve Rogers had never been one to tell you exactly how he was feeling but only when he was upset. “Besides, I think he owes you a dance or two.”

Growing up in Brooklyn with those two had been interesting enough, you had grown up together living on the same block and even having slumber parties at each others houses. As you had gotten older it was more difficult to spend the night with the boys, but they had managed to sneak you out more than a few times and eventually your father decided it was better to have you out with the two of them than with boys he didn’t know.

So it was no surprise when Bucky came to you and said he was enlisting, he didn’t want Steve to know just yet because he had been wanting to join the army but with all his medical problems it was just impossible.

“I think he’s got a dance partner right there.” You said gesturing to the girl he was currently chatting up. “He’s not going to even remember I was here.”

Steve gave a half smile, he knew that wasn’t true but wouldn’t say it outloud. You had always been treated like their sister, joining in on their antics and going on adventures to the chagrin of everyone around you but when everyone saw how they treated you and protected you the sneers turned to smiles. The three of you were fixtures, wherever you were the boys were bound to follow and everyone knew it.

“There are plenty of jobs you could do, you know. Join up.”

The hem of your dress blew against your shins with the wind and you pulled at it hating the sensation, you had promised to wear a dress tonight for Bucky and had promised to strangle him with it when they got home. “I guess I could. My parents would have a fit though.”

“You think Buck’s mom didn’t sob for days when he told her?”

Everyone on the block had heard the scream when Mrs. Barnes heard the news, Bucky was their only child and she didn’t want to lose him. “But do you really think my dad would let me go anywhere besides school? He’s already sent in my application to a few nearby, none of them are out of state forget out of the country and in a war zone.”

“I’m just putting it out there.”

You followed Steve into the crowd watching Howard Stark show off his newest invention, but your mind wasn’t on the hovering car. Bucky looked over his shoulder and smiled at you but as soon as he turned back around you felt the pull of your legs and walked away.

“Where are you going?” Steve had always been the one to grab your hand when you walked too far ahead, he was small and sickly but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t protect you if you needed it. “I thought we were going dancing.”

The lights made every emotion visible, you were upset and scared but more than that you were determined. “I’ve got a better idea.”

He watched as you walked towards the recruitment booth only realizing what was actually happening when Bucky stepped beside him. “What’s she doing?”

“I think she’s enlisting.”

Bucky looked horrified immediately running after you and catching your elbow. “Y/N, what’s going on?”

“You think I’m letting you go off to war by yourself Barnes? Besides, you need me around to keep you out of trouble remember?” He wasn’t buying it, but you weren’t very convincing either. “I can do my part, you know that.”

Steve looked down at his shoes, he had tried several times to enlist and each time he was turned down. “Let her do it Buck, it’s what she wants.”

“You can’t be serious.” His blue eyes searched yours before turning to Steve. “We can’t let her join up, we’re supposed to protect her! How are we gonna do that if we’re not in the same place?”

“You don’t have to protect me.”

Bucky scoffed lightly but Steve was the one to answer. “Actually, we do. We promised each other years ago that no matter what happened we would always make sure that you were the one to stay safe.”

“And then we promised your father the same exact thing, you know he’ll blame us if you do this.”

“He won’t, because it’s my decision. You two had nothing to do with this, in fact you didn’t even see me run off while you were getting cotton candy.” Bucky’s shoulders fell in defeat, he knew he couldn’t win against you. “We can all do our part, that’s how this works.”

Steve smiled at you, he had always been the silent supporter in the group while Bucky challenged you as much as possible. But this time he couldn’t bring you down so instead he walked towards you holding out his hands for yours. “Promise me that you’ll write as often as you can.”

“Only if both of you promise as well. I can’t go off and have my boys both abandon me.”

“We would never abandon you, Y/N.” Bucky wrapped his arms around you and held on for as long as he could. “Let me know where you end up tonight, okay doll?”

You nodded and moved to hug Steve thanking him in a small whisper. Turning back one more time to smile at them you went into the booth and signed your name to get a physical.

The girls were taken to a different part of the booth for their physicals since they weren’t as in depth as the men trying to enlist, there wasn’t anything to worry about since you had a clear bill of health but your palms were slick with sweat anyway.