A Johnny Faust love story
Chapter 10 - The Skin You Lost
The silence following her confession was heavy, a suffocating weight thick with the scent of damp wool and the fading, metallic tang of the storm. The hatch was closed, but the chill lingeredāa brutal reminder of the fire that still burned in the back of her mind.
Johnny didnāt move his hands. He kept them anchored on her waist, feeling the fragile, bird-like vibration of her ribs as she tried to pull her "Lilith" mask back over the wreckage of Hallie. She was trying to go cold again, trying to calcify before his eyes, but she was shaking too hard to manage the transformation.
"Hallie," he whispered, his voice low and steady, a grounding wire in the dark. "Let me see them. All of them."
She stiffened, her fingers instantly clutching the damp silk of her slip, knuckles white as she tried to pull the strap back up. "No. Itās... itās just ruined skin, John. Itās jagged. Itās not part of the 'aesthetic' Elias is selling. Itās not pretty."
"I don't give a damn about the aesthetic," he rasped, his hand gently but firmly stopping hers, his fingers interlacing with hers to pull them away from the silk. "The rain is cold. Youāre shivering because youāre carrying a furnace in your head. Let me see what youāre carrying so I can help you hold the weight."
She looked at him for a long, agonizing moment. Her eyes searched his, looking for the pity she loathed or the recoil she expected. She found neither. There was only a quiet, reverent focusāthe look of a man who was seeing her for the first time, and finding her holy.
Slowly, her fingers uncurled. She turned her back to him, her head bowing so low her forehead touched her knees, her dark hair spilling forward like a curtain. With a hand that wouldn't stop trembling, she eased the thin silk slip down to her waist.
The light in the suite was dim, but the silvered scars seemed to catch every stray photon. They weren't just on her shoulders. They trailed down her spine in jagged, overlapping platesāa permanent, anatomical armor she had grown at sixteen. They were thick, raised in places where the heat had bitten deepest, a brutal testimony to the fact that she had refused to drop the baby she was protecting even as her own flesh was melting.
Johnnyās breath hitched, a sharp, pained sound in the quiet of the bus. He didn't pull away. He moved closer, sitting on his heels, his knees bracketed around her hips.
"Hallie," he breathed, his voice thick with an emotion that felt like worship. "They aren't ugly. God, they're the bravest thing Iāve ever seen. Theyāre a map of how much you love."
He reached out, his fingertips barely grazing the edge of a silvered ridge near her shoulder blade. Hallie flinched, her eyes snapping shut, her body bracing for a sting or a shiver of disgust that didn't come. Instead, his touch was cool, soft, and terrifyingly gentle.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, the words vibrating against the skin of her back.
"Don't," she choked out, a fresh tear tracking through the kohl and silver glitter on her cheek. "Don't lie to me just because the lights are low."
"Iām not lying." He leaned in, the heat of his chest radiating against her back. "Every mark on your neck, every fake bruise Elias wants the world to see... those are the lies. Those are the performance. This is the truth. This is you being a hero before the world even gave you a chance to be a girl. Itās breathtaking."
He leaned down, and before she could pull away, he pressed a lingering, feather-light kiss to the center of her spine, right where the scar tissue was the thickest.
Hallie let out a jagged, broken soundānot a sob, but a gasp of pure shock. No one had ever kissed her there. Men had touched her back in the clubs, their hands greedy and blind in the neon dark, but no one had ever looked at the wreckage and seen something worth loving.
Johnny moved his mouth higher, his lips trailing across the silvered map of her shoulder blade, then the other. Each kiss was an apology; each kiss was a silent promise to stand between her and the next fire. He treated the scars like they were made of gold leaf, his breath warm against the numb, damaged tissue.
"They don't hurt anymore," she whispered, her voice trembling as her walls finally, truly began to liquefy. "I can't feel most of the skin there. It's just... dead."
"Then I'll feel it for you," Johnny said, his forehead resting against the back of her neck. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, his large hands splaying across her stomach, pulling her back against his chest until there was no air left between them. "I'll be the skin you lost."
For the first time since the tour began, Hallie didn't feel like she was acting. She didn't feel like Lilith, or a stripper, or a tragic paycheck for her father. She felt like a girl who had finally found a place where the fire couldn't reach her.
She let out a long, shuddering sigh and leaned her head back against his shoulder, her eyes closing as his warmth finally settled into her bones, chasing out the Chicago sleet.
"Stay," she whispered, her fingers covering his hands and pressing them tighter against her. "Just... stay like this until the sun comes up."
"I'm not going anywhere," he promised, his voice a vow that carried more weight than any contract Elias could ever write. "I've got you."