#johnnalang

I think and feel I am depressed.

Everything is just so slow and without energy. It feels like everything I do is dead - for I don’t feel anything to do it or just to carry on with it.

Only music keeps me going. As in. Whenever there is no music in my ear, I can’t work well. Sure, I can work. I can answer emails but to be “extra” is like saying that I should go out to take a five kilometer walk.

Or I am just tired? I don’t know. I do not feel myself anymore. I am not functioning like before. I used to enjoy playing DOTA 2. But now, whenever I open my Steam and open DOTA 2, a sudden burst of negative energy telling me to not play, do nothing and stare at the monitor for minutes is just a fucking fuck feeling, y’know?

One thing is for sure. I am not okay. And I think it is okay?? It is okay not to be okay?? I don’t know anymore. Feeling this for about a month now. My daily battery runs out fast. I don’t know what happened.

Yup. God listens to our prayers.

I always pray to Him this prayer and wish to have a simple home. I can’t even put this on words. He already knows what I dream of. He already knows my heart.

With an angel sent from above, He does make your dreams come true. It may take a while though. But starting from where He wants you to be, is already an answered one.

The road may be long and the end is not yet in sight, we’ll get there eventually. One day at a time. One step at a time. We’ll get there when we get there - as they say.

Nobody’s saying that it’ll be an easy ride but from what I can feel, it is gonna be a fun one. Difficult, yes, maybe. But a fun and interesting one.

I’ve never been in this place before. Never want to leave. Dreams do come true.

I miss the feeling of heading into the unknown, not knowing what to expect and what to see and feel.

Nate-taken for granted na lahat ngayon - to the point na kaya mo na i-google ano itsura ng pupuntahan mo, ano yung mangyayari doon at kung ano yung dadatnan mo.

Hindi katulad dati, kapag sinabi ng Tita o ng magulang mo na pupunta kayo ng Enchanted Kingdom, tapos first time mo, walang google, walang pictures, yung excited ka puntahan yung isang lugar na bago para sa iyo. Tipong kahit next week pa yung alis ninyo, nagde-day dream ka na ng ano itsura ng Ferris Wheel, roller coaster, at kung anu-ano pa.

O kahit na ano, kainan na hindi mo pa alam kung saan, tourist spot na hindi mo pa nakikita sa larawan, nadidinig mo lang sa mga pinsan at mga kapitbahay mo: "Uy! Ang ganda sa Boracay! Ang pino ng buhangin sa beach, puti pa tapos hindi mabato!"

Ngayon kasi, nase-search mo na lahat. Makikita na ng mata mo sa cellphone o sa computer kung ano ang itsura ng Boracay.

Kahit nga yung simpleng kainan o restaurant; ano ang menu, ano ang ambiance, mahal ba doon o mura? Noon, talagang pag napagusapan ninyo na kakain kayo don sa malayo, maeexcite ka. Wala kang ine-expect na kahit na ano, makakain ka lang sa malayo - masarap o hindi, mura o mahal, maganda yung paligid o hindi mo trip.

Gusto mo pumunta ng Japan? Dati, alam mo lang yung Mount Fuji dahil sa mga books noon sa school. Kaya pangarap mo na pumunta doon para makita mo ng personal. Ngayon, i-goo-google mo nalang.

Rome. Pangarap ko puntahan simula pa noong bata pa lamang ako. Until now, hindi ko maalis sa isip ko na someday soon, pupuntahan ko yon - kahit abutin ako ng 50 years para magipon. At until now, surprisingly, hindi ko ginu-google. Kasi gusto ko padin maging sabik. Gusto ko padin maramdaman na maging isang bata.

Noon, ang astig lang tignan na dadalhin ka ng mga tao doon sa paroroonan mo kasi nakapunta na sila doon at gusto nilang makita mo din ang nakita nila. Sabik sila para din saiyo.

Ngayon, google mo lang - makakapunta ka na. Wala na yung "human part" din - magtatanong sa nasa kalsada, "Manong/Ate, saan po yung daan papuntang ...."

Noon, wala kang alam sa puputahan. Excited ka lang.

Ngayon, alam mo na yung pupuntahan kaya walang kalatoy-latoy yung emosyon.

Taken for granted literal. Everything is in the palm of your hand, ika nga nila.

Happy New Year! (Late na, I know! lol) Life goes on padin ngayong 2026. Mas madaming blessing at mas madaming nabago.

Compared last year, mas kontrolado na ang credit card (thank You, G and wifey!). Meaning, mas konti nalang ang monthly dues compared last year (except Christmas budol at gift giving). We are doing okay with my wife.

Speaking of wife... yes, kasal na kami! Yahoo! Mr. and Mrs. de Jesus na. Nag-honeymoon sa Boracay, at umuwi ng masayang masaya!

Last year, plano kong ayusan yung motor namin ng asawa ko. Pero mas may magandang plano si Lord talaga palagi e, no? Yung PXC ibenta ko na daw. Kasi iba yung aayusan ko - sasakyan pala lmao

May bago na kaming kotse, Toyota Veloz V Variant 2026 Model. I am super happy and blessed na sakto sa lahat ng lakad at plano. Na-acquire namin before Christmas. So, gamit na gamit. Almost every saturday and sunday kami lumalabas para mamili ng pang-pasko at pang-bagong taon.

Isang taon nalang yung condo, makakapag-move in na din kami. Well, matuturn over yung susi pero madami pa kailangan ayusin. We are looking forward sa condo AT sa property na uumpisahan namin somewhere in Nueva Ecija. We are looking for a lot na pwede pagtayuan ng dream house namin ni Carissa. I am really looking forward to it. Also, since nasa probinsya na kami, poultry farm? Egg and chicken farm? IDK! Lord, Ikaw na bahala. Sunod lang kami sa'Yo!

New Year's Resolution ko siguro for 2026 is to take more pictures and document it or upload it somewhere na pwede kong tignan after a year or two. Siguro dito? Malalaman natin. If not take photos of everything na makita ko kung saan man kami pumunta, at least take a photo or two. I will thank my future self kapag nangyari yun. Lalo na at makakalimutin ako. I do not even remember most of my life, honestly speaking. Na parang everything is a blur.

Lastly, I do pray that all of 2026 will be good. Health, finance and spiritually - everything in general. Please be an awesome year. Magtatayo nga pala ako ng maliit na negosyo this year. Sana maging feasible.

Osha, dito nalang muna ako. Magkwento ulit ako sa susunod.

Life update:

Bayad na yung PCX! Yey! (galing natin dito, Lord! Iba ka talaga!)

Last month na ng GGives ngayong July! Another YAHOO! (last na tong GGives na to!)

Yung condo nalang (di ko alam kung ilang taon to pero G lang Lord kaya natin to)

Marunong na ko mag-drive ng kotse :)

Will be married soon (this is it pancit, salamat Lord sa mabait, maunawain at magandang mapapangasawa)

Will go to Boracay after wedding (penge po pera Lord HAHA labyu)

Will have a car this year (hopefully! Lord, bigay mo na samin yung Veloz thanku hehehe)

Tapos, move in sa apartment /muna/ tapos kapag ok na sa ayaw magpalipat na condo, edi dun na (panget ng EOP ninyo SMDC hmp)

Tapos magiipon pang-negosyo (para may passive income)

Tapos mag-a-anak (Lord penge po kami dalawa, para po masaya sila magkapatid thanku po ulit bait N'yo po, aalagaan po namin silang dalawa, promise!)

Yun na muna ngayon. Update nalang ulit ako pag nakabisita ulit dito tapos babasahin ko after 10 years, tignan natin kung ano plano pa satin ni Lord. O, diba?! HAHAH

It was year 2020, everything paused - work, relationships, the world we knew we were in. But not financial burden, struggle, debts, loans - you name it, I had it.

I remember the time when I have an outstanding loan worth of Php 8,000.00. And that time, Php 8,000.00 was too big of an amount (it still is) due to my low paying job. I cried every payday just to pay a fraction of it and its interest. On top of that, monthly dues, daily expenses and things that we need on a regular basis. Not to mention the occasional natural disasters like flooding etc.

But you were there. You helped me to be strong, you held my hand and you walked with me. Because I waited - patiently. I prayed - faithfully. I trusted - wholeheartedly.

Ok, its life update time!

I am now celebrating my 1 year anniversary as a Virtual Assistant. And I am super blessed to have a client that is super understanding and super flexible to my time. That is it! Can't describe how happy I am but one thing is for sure, I am SUPER BLESSED with this client! So, if you are reading this Boss R, I owe you everything!

Ok, that is it for work - now with growing up stuff. 2025 is really a roller coaster for us-me and JC. But everything is sticking together.

We are currently planning the following:

June 2025 - Move in to our townhouse (JC just got word from the bank that she is approved, after that, we'll going to wait for the final papers and then the renovation before move in phew)

July 2025 - Buy our own brand new Car (Veloz 2025 Pearl White)

August 2025 - Get married

Mid 2026 - Looking forward to have our own business (food or cafe or a franchise of anything; important thing is we have passive income)

January 2027 - Get the keys of our condominium (make it an airbnb; for investment)

That is why, Lord - I am praying for these plans to be aligned to Your will and plans for us. Grant us our prayers, for Your greater glory!

It is just amazing - youtube was playing and guess what is playing: "Pupurihin Ka sa awit" and then "Nothing Less" by Feast Worship.

I'll admit it, I'm at the stage in my life that I feel like this is the mid-life phase. And still, even though I am that "old" and "quite young" I still have that the question inside my heart and in my head asking: "What if my family was 'normal'?". The normal people who bond and spends time with each other "normal"? And I kid you not, that question didn't left my mind for the last decade.

I won't deny it, I get envious sometimes. I'm envious seeing families in malls, in public places – the complete ones, with a mother, a father, happy siblings, and all together. TOGETHER. At least, spending time with each other.

I also feel envy seeing such on social media, those pictures of families bonding where everyone is smiling, hugging each other and supporting each other. And do you know that one during Christmas, New Year, where families posts and says "Merry Christmas from our family to yours." I really wish I had that too, but mine is-I feel-different from the ones I am seeing around.

Maybe, we really all go through different things when it comes to family. But still I thank the Lord, because they are still there – nearby.