#johnlock fic

Not sure if this actually works: link to image

Sherlock went to the living room to see John crumpled in a way he'd never seen before, making his stomach drop. Immediately he went to John's side and dropped to his knees. "John."

Badge clipped to his belt loop-- just come from work.

New scuff on the side of his shoe-- clumsy from a hurried stride.

Large folds in his cardigan-- pinched between John and the door, slid down while pressed against it.

No screaming or running outside-- no natural disaster.

Just a personal one.

John's vacant yet wild eyes were the last piece of evidence that Sherlock needed to understand.

"John, it's alright," he soothed, reaching to hold John's shoulders but deciding at the last moment not to, lest it agitate him further while in an active flashback. "You're alright, John. I'm here. You're safe, at home."

Sherlock's voice floated somewhere through the cursed memory, between bombs exploding and the screams of men getting ripped apart. Arterial spray clouded his vision while an armored man shook him violently, begging him to be saved in a yell barely heard over sharp gunshot--

HIT THE DIRT!

"No!" John's face screwed up in pain. He covered his head with his arms and cried while Sherlock watched, even his cold heart breaking at the sight. He whispered the same words in a soothing sort of mantra, over and over, hoping to bring his friend back from war.

Seconds later, John partially surfaced with a gasp and blinked hard through blurry tears, searching.

"Sherlock?"

"Right here." Sherlock placed his hand over John's and brought his face closer into view. "It's alright, John. You're safe."

"Sherlock." This time, John sounded relieved not to be alone, although his gaze was still far away. He grimaced and squeezed Sherlock's hand very firmly. "Sorry, I--"

Sherlock cut him off.

"Trust me. " It was just as much an imploring statement as it was a question.

"Yes," John answered without hesitation, closing his eyes and swallowing while he dropped his head back to rest against the door.

Sherlock got up quickly and went to the kitchen, returning with a prepared syringe and needle. He went to work tugging John out of his shirt and cardigan sleeve while John forced his breath to even out in between quivering gasps and whimpers.

Sherlock injected the syringe into the muscle of his bicep and watched John carefully.

"Haloperidol and promethazine," he explained quietly, before the doctor could ask what he was being injected with.

John simply nodded and closed his eyes, able to manage his breath just through his nose now. He didn't speak.

Sherlock turned to cap and dispose of the syringe, then turned back and decided it was too soon to get John to his feet. So, he sat beside him instead. Drew up his knees and said nothing.

John swallowed again and sighed.

"S-Sorry."

"Don't apologize."

John blinked away a tattered memory of a single ear and chunk of shoulder joint sitting atop dark and bloody desert sand.

"It was from work..." he kept his head back against the door, but turned to face Sherlock while he explained. He didn't bother to wipe away the tears that continued to fall.

"Surgical consult, got yanked in before I could say no. Industrial explosion, tore the guy to shreds... they got me because of Afghanistan." Sherlock had already connected the dots, but didn't point it out. "Felt like I was back looking at a solidier who'd run over an IED. Held it together at work, but..." he trailed off.

For a few minutes, Sherlock just watched him silently. Noting the rate at which the sedative began to work, but also trying to wrap his head (heart, mostly) around what it would be like to serve in active combat and then come home as if nothing had happened. Single or double murders, suicides, accidents-- those were one thing. But it felt a wide gap between those and war, for a reason Sherlock couldn't really name. Perhaps because he knew John Watson, the doctor with nerves of steel, and to see him unravel this way truly meant something about the caliber of horrors he'd witnessed.

He'd wait to consult John on his current case until tomorrow, he decided.

"Where did you get those medicines?"

John asked, and Sherlock smiled. Getting back to normal already.

"Pinched them when I was in rehab."

"Rehab? I didn't know--"

"I never told you. Didn't work anyway, clearly. Mycroft felt it necessary to try once I'd discovered opium."

John raised an eyebrow at him, but Sherlock ignored it in favor of getting up and bending over to take hold of John's torso.

"C'mon, I'll help you to your room."

Soon the sedative had taken stronger hold of the doctor and he was drifting off comfortably, now that he was settled in bed. Sherlock pulled blankets over him and turned on his desk fan, both for the white noise and for potential anxiety relief later, if a bad dream woke him.

"Thank you, Sherlock."

It started the day after their first case. Sherlock had started to feel something for John. Something that he couldn't describe. He decided it would be best to speak to Lestrade about this. “He's human. I'm sure Gavin could help at least a little.” So he told Lestrade to come to Baker Street immediately when John was out on a date. When he arrived Sherlock described his feelings to Lestrade. He smirked and said “The great Sherlock Holmes is in love with his blogger.” Sherlock realized that he was in fact in love with John, a shocking revelation. Prior to this he believed he was aromantic. So every night he would stay up as late as possible and try to “delete” his love for John, since Mycroft told him that love was a chemical defect. This proved futile; his love for the man was too strong. He thought that John wouldn't love him back, he'd only ever seen the man with women and was weary of ruining whatever bond they had, so he started tapping I love you in Morse code every chance he got, failing to realize that, being an ex-soldier, John knew Morse code. One day, after Mary’s death, John turned around after Sherlock had tapped it and said

“I love you too, you idiot.” He kissed Sherlock harder and more passionately than he had ever before with anyone else. After he pulled away he asked Sherlock how long he had been in love with him and after about ten minutes of silence he said

“since January 30th 2010” John looked bewildered

“But, we met on the 29th?!” Sherlock looked a little sad as he said

“I know”

“YOU WATCHED ME MARRY ANOTHER PERSON WHILE YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME?! YOU IDIOT! YOU ABSOLUTE BUFFOON! IF YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME FROM THE BEGINNING IT WOULD HAVE BEEN US AT THAT ALTER GETTING MARRIED!!”

“Really?! You have loved me since then too?”

“OF COURSE YOU GIT!!” he said, pulling Sherlock into another kiss.

“I'll always love you Sherlock.”