#jinnobi

“And women, if you must slander me so. Let’s not forget the fact that I am bisexual in theory.”

“No, not women. Your blindness was quite... selective. Take Miss Satine for example; she is beautiful, and you can see that just fine. That reminds me: why didn’t you ask her for this?”

“Mum knew her. No, that was an understatement; we practically grew up together. Mum was there when I had a crush on her twenty years ago. Twenty years, Qui-Gon! Oh gods, I was painfully obvious back then.”

“So? People change. Perhaps you have reignited your old flame —”

“What doesn’t change is Miss Satine is way out of my league. She might have been my mum’s neighbor’s kid, but that doesn’t mean —”

“But the way she looks at you!”

“She was just being polite. Regardless of that, Qui-Gon, dear, have you ever considered that this ‘bisexual’ thing doesn’t mean I would fancy literally anyone? That I might still have a type? And that this ‘type’ might evolve over time?”

“Did you just call me dear?”

“Practice, practice. You better get into your role soon as well.”

“All right… love. But I still don’t understand — why me?”

“You’re not half bad, are you? Most people won’t be able to fool mum. Just answer her questions; shut her up for a good two, three years. If it comes to the worst, you can always intimidate her.”

“But I’m not a very good liar.”

“We are lawyers, my dearest. Lying is our day job.”

“And I hate intimidating people.”

“Your presence is intimidating enough whether you like it or not.”

“I’m almost as old as her —”

“Precisely. She would either love you to bits, or disown me. Now stop playing with your hair, Qui; it’s fine. You are fine. You look — fabulous tonight. Have I ever told you that?”

“I don’t feel very fabulous.”

“Maybe some wine? Oh, I’m sure you’d love some…”

“I don’t see how that would be helpful —”

“But at least try some. Just a sip, wouldn’t you? Oh, this one was from a whole case I bought for mum! Wanna try?”

“……”

“…So?”

“It was too dry for my taste.”

“Hand it over...... You were right. Too dry. Bleh! I want something that sparkles. Something fruity. I’m feeling fruity.”

“Wait, wait — really, Obi-Wan. What would happen if anyone found out?”

“Find out what?”

“That... you know... that we are not really...”

“Relax, Qui. I’ve been doing this for the past eight years. A different partner every time; I’m sure mum has gotten the message by now.”

“She knew?! Then why the hell — how am I supposed to —”

“Shhh. You’ll be just fine with me. We’ll be just fine. You are very good at this, aren’t you? Just a little pressure and it really brings out the best of you.”

“But how could I —”

“Oh, come on, darling. You are so stressed. Would you please come here?”

“...And?”

“Just a little lower.”

“Now what are you… Mhm…!!”

“……”

“……”

“Has that helped?”

“No.”

“I withdraw what I said. You are a terrible liar.”

“...Yes. Yes! Are you satisfied?”

“Very. Now just keep that smile up for me, will you? And keep your mouth shut, unless the need arises.”

“But I — I can’t just —”

“I’ll kiss you again if you don’t behave.”

“……”

“Perfect. There’s a whole evening ahead of us; you better not ruin it. And remember, if anything went wrong, you could just propose.”

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I really wanted some pretend relationship so I wrote this little thing!!