#jihing

I can rest when I get to Thunder Totem.

Ji-hing couldn’t believe that she had actually told herself something so ridiculous.  Rest is for people who don’t have anything else demanding their attention.  Rest is for people who aren’t in the middle of a godsdamned war.

She heaved a sigh as she sat another scroll aside, reaching for the next in the same motion and stealing a glance around the room to see if anyone had snuck in as she read.  No one had, of course, but a little nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach had truly hoped for a different story.  It was more distracting than anything, and she pushed a stray hair back out of her eyes and began to read the next scroll.

The healing techniques of the Highmountain were fascinating; information that any other time she would have consumed like water after a week in the desert.  She tried to force herself to try harder, to be excited about learning, but overall she just felt like...well, like shit.

No motivation, no focus, a soreness in her feet that was entirely new to her.  She wanted nothing more than to cuddle up in her big old bed back in Orgrimmar with a cup of tea and…

Part of her, of course, knew that was why she was so distracted.  The rest of her was refusing to speak to the enlightened part, but at this point it was screaming so loudly that she would have to address it.  She had so quickly been scooped up into the work of learning new herbs and speaking to new healers that she hadn’t even seen Akota, her last glimpse of him far from memorable as they approached the tunnel leading into the lower level of the city.

Glare, she corrected herself.  I glared at him.

That only served to further sour her mood, and she shook her head as she rolled the scroll back up between her paws.  She had been unreasonable.  And snippy.  And as stubborn as...what had he said?  A kodo with a toothache?  He wasn’t far off, was he?

She had been so tired, so sore, so absolutely finished with that journey that she had let her temper run away with her mouth.  And to what cause?  Getting him to say that he loved her?  What kind of a shallow bitch would risk everything for some fucking words?  If he acts like he loves you, then surely he loves you.

But...does he act like it?

Of course he could be flirty, and cuddly, and at times the words that dripped from his lips were sweeter than all the honey in the world, but to how many women had he spoken those same words?  He was probably so practiced at flattery and saying just the right thing that he didn’t even have to pay attention, anymore.  But, then again, how often did he say the wrong thing?  How often had he offended her or hurt her feelings and not known how to react?  Surely that was genuine.  

Or maybe he just doesn’t care enough to try…

She sighed aloud and pursed her lips, angry with herself for even thinking such a thing.  Of course, she’d wondered for a while, but allowing it to creep its way into conscious thought was a different beast.  If he didn’t care, why had he stayed with her so long?  She had made herself far too easy of a target for him, so it definitely wasn’t any sense of accomplishment.  He could be lazy, she supposed, but staying with someone because it was more simple than finding someone else didn’t at all seem like the type of thing he would do.  He lived for compliments and winks and any other boosts to his ego.  It couldn’t be that.

He thought her so weak, so helpless.  He treated her like his grandmother’s porcelain tea set, setting her down so gently and making sure she was never touched.  He’d gotten so upset when she stayed to fight that awful thing in Val’sharah, and she’d wondered at the time if it hurt his pride that she was able to harm it more than he.  So much of his personality was hidden by that damn bravado, but the look on his face…

He had been genuinely worried.  There was no questioning that.  He had to care about her on some level, at least.  What level that was, perhaps she would never know.

And that hurt.  How hard is it to tell someone that you care about them?  If she could scream her love for him to the heavens every night, she would, but she’d only uttered the phrase to his conscious body once, and even then she hadn’t managed to say it in a language that he speaks.  So many times she had expressed feelings for him only to see him shy away, to shut down.  She had read books on psychology, she knew that he wasn’t avoiding the topic to hurt her.

So, why can’t I stop thinking about it?

Even if he didn’t love her, she just wanted to hear him say it.  His big goofy face with that lazy drawl telling her that she really was just an extra long stop between his typical conquests.  For some reason, even that thought didn’t sting as badly as the reality of ignorance.  The guessing games regarding the longevity of their relationship.  She could probably handle him actually leaving significantly better than the fear that he could, and her psychology books weren’t helping her at all with interpreting that.

What would she do if she confronted him about it and he did react that way?  If he did leave her, or say that he would get bored soon enough?  She had mentioned going back home in the context of being too late to save him in battle, but she couldn’t exactly “tip some dirt over him” if he wasn’t dead.  Would her apartment ever feel the same without the bull lounging in the bed as she worked or read?  Could she ever sleep tucked into someone else’s arms?

Gods, that was another issue altogether.  It took her thirty five fucking years to find this one...would another take just as long?  Would they tease her, and tweak her tail, and know just how to get under her skin in the most perfectly infuriating way?

She didn’t want to be with anyone else.  She’d let herself fall head over heels for Akota, of all people.  The exact opposite of that damned cabbage farmer, yes, but still not necessarily the best choice for her.  Stability could be boring, but Akota was a whole different sort of nonsense.  Really, if he did leave and she found herself even slightly surprised, she was an idiot and had been all along.  It wasn’t even something that could be waved off as being “a hopeless romantic, tee hee.”

So she would confront him about it.  That much was settled.  She gave a nod to no one in particular, mostly to make herself feel better about the second most terrifying decision she had made in her life.  She would just ask him, straightforward, if he loved her or had any intention of staying with her.  She was going to do it, right now.

She made it to the door before she panicked, which was pretty impressive for her.  Curling back up with the scroll seemed a far more suitable way to spend the afternoon, after all.  And besides, she didn’t even know where he had wandered off to, so how could she confront him?

Or, I’m just a godsdamned coward.

But, at least, an honest one.

She’d ask him…

Eventually.

Where and when were you born? “On a small farm in the Valley of Four winds, just on the outskirts of the Heartland.  My birthday is in the late summer...July 27th, to be exact.  As far as how long ago, that’s not really necessary information.”  She smiles sweetly with the last sentence, but her tone warns that the sweetness might not last with follow up questions on her age. Who are/were your parents? She sighs softly, giving what she thinks is a subtle roll of her eyes.  “Farmers.  And guess what their parents were.  Well, are.  My grandmother still lives with them.”

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? A scoff, she clearly doesn’t enjoy discussing her family but she still gives an answer, if standoffish.  “I have a lot.  Far too many, really.  I’m the oldest of the bunch, and my youngest brother is hardly of age.  It’s terrible, but at least we never had to hire any farmhands.”

Where do you live now, and with whom? “Oh, well, I live in Orgrimmar now, in an apartment above a shop in the Drag.  I live with my cloud serpent, Shuchun, and Ak-...” she halts abruptly, a flush spreading across her fluffy cheeks.  “Yes, Shuchun.  She’s a lovely golden serpent, and she almost glitters in the sun.  She should be around here somewhere, if you’d like to meet her...”

What is your occupation? “I’m a healer for the Horde.  The Broken Isles are actually the first place that I have been sent to heal on location, if you will.  Before that it was mostly guards managing to hurt themselves in more and more creative ways without actually doing anything.”

How would you personally describe your appearance? Ji’s brow furrows, she clearly didn’t expect a question like this and she seems rather flustered at the thought.  She looks down at her squishy form with a half frown, then shrugs as if nonchalant.  “I suppose that if I were to write a book or something of the sort, I would describe my fur as the colors of roasted chestnuts and fresh cream.  I’m honestly rather plain for a Pandaren - but you should see my sisters.  They’re all beautiful.”

To which social class do you belong? "Social class?  I live in Orgrimmar for fuck’s sake, you’re either in the slums or somewhere else that smells like smoke and the body odor of multiple races.  We’re all just trying to live our lives in peace.”

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? The Pandaren frowns again, considering the question.  “None that I know of, I suppose.  Unless you count needing a step ladder to reach the top shelf of my bookcase as a physical weakness.  But, even so, I can usually just ask Akot-...Shuchun to grab it for me.”  Another blush, she’s very obviously withholding some information.

Are you right- or left-handed? “Oh, I’m actually ambidextrous!  I can use both hands equally.”  She smiles widely, pleased for the change in subject.  “I suppose it is from years of holding books and helping with the harvest.  I do write with my right hand, though, if that helps.”

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? “Words and phrases?  Like...’I can’t heal you if you keep squirming like that’?  Or perhaps, ‘we both know it isn’t that bad so just suck it up for gods’ sakes’.”

What do you have in your pockets? Ji cocks her head to the side, unsure of the answer herself until she tucks her paws into the pockets of her skirt and procures a few sprigs of herbs, some thread and a needle in a small sleeve, a tiny ‘pocket sized’ pot of ink.  “I guess I’m pretty predictable...”

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? "Annoying habits?”  She frowns, her head again tilting to the left as she thinks over her answer before responding.  “I read, probably too much.  I eat and drink rather a lot, as well, and I’ve been known to start...”  she clears her throat, “I mean, participate in a few bar fights.  And I think I snore...?”

Growing Up

How would you describe your childhood in general? What is your earliest memory? Ji leans back in her seat, grimacing softly and folding her arms over her sizeable stomach as she begins with a quiet sigh.  “It really wasn’t as bad as I make it out to be.  I grew terribly bored of the farm life very quickly, but my family was quick to pick up on my potential as a healer and they sacrificed to allow me to leave the farm to train.  I can remember sitting on the porch with my mother, my aunts, and my grandmother, working through buckets and buckets of string beans for our big family dinner once every week or so.  I had so much trouble getting the entire string out, and I’m sure the quality of the entire pot was diminished by my horrid handiwork.”  She smiles with that memory, shaking her head and chuckling.  “My cooking has improved somewhat, but I am sure my grandmother still wouldn’t be entirely pleased with it.”

How much schooling have you had? Did you enjoy school? “I was schooled as much as any other young Pandaren, of course, but when I went to the temple for training and discovered the library I made a point of reading every single book I could lay my hands on, and I still do.  I’ve made a pretty thorough study of the languages of the Horde, and I try to learn as many different healing techniques as I have available to me, from herbalism to telling them to rub some dirt on it and walk it out.”

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? “Again, I am mostly self-taught from books, both from libraries and purchases that I have made in my travels.  I do have some healing magics, but I tend to trust more in the power of nature and the remedies that I can find there for my healing.  Nothing can beat a good poultice.”

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. “I always turned to characters in myths and fantasy for role models and inspiration.  I was displeased with how my life was turning out and yearned for the kind of escape that you can read about in the tales of adventure - little did I expect a ship with red banners to give me my own adventure.”

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? Ji giggles, shaking her head.  “Anything but a farmer!” she jests, but quickly adds, “I have always loved healing and being able to help people, so it was clear to me from the start.”

As a child, what were your favorite activities? “Reading, eating, reading, sleeping, reading, avoiding my siblings and cousins, and reading.”

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? “I was the awkward girl more interested in books than anything else.  I would get into scuffles with the other kids, of course, but I still kept to myself.  Honestly, the books ended up being my friends.”  she grimaces, shifting her weight and crossing her arms again.  “That sounds pretty pitiful, doesn’t it?”

When and with whom was your first kiss? "W-When?  I...”  She turns scarlet, the flush of her cheeks shining brightly through her thick fur as she stumbles for an answer and finally gives in.  “It was just a couple of months ago.  With Akota.”  That’s apparently all she’s going to say, as she purses her lips and becomes incredibly interested in a string sticking from the seam of her sleeve.

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? She had been shyly picking at that string, but this question catches her entirely off guard and the blush forms anew.  “Am I a WHAT?  How on Azeroth is that any of your godsdamned business?”  She huffs, crossing her legs and shifting in her chair to face away from the questioner, with a muttered, “noneofyourbusinessIcan’tbelieveyou’daskmethat.”

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? She peeks up from her sulking, still pouting significantly more than is necessary, but a smile tugs at the corners of her lips.  “There was this one day that I was sitting in a bar, and I guess you could say that my life got a lot less boring.  But please, gods, don’t tell him I said that.  I’d never hear the end of it.”

Who has had the most influence on you? Another question that catches her off guard, her posture relaxing as she takes an almost painfully long moment to consider her answer.  “Honestly...It sounds terrible, but I really think that I’ve made a point of influencing myself.  No one ever told me to read all of those books, most people told me not to hop onto a Horde ship...I’ve kind of made my life my own, despite my environment suggesting that I settle down into the same life that my family had always lived.  On the other paw, you could say that my family influenced me by causing me to pull away like that.”

What do you consider your greatest achievement? There is no softness to the smirk that overtakes her face, her almond eyes sparkling with pride.  “I have found myself somewhat of a lead healer in the camp in Azsuna.  I certainly didn’t expect the leadership position, but I have a habit of bossing people around in emergency situations, and I suppose they enjoy my bossing-around.”

What is your greatest regret? “I can see a pattern looking back over my life of being far too shy and not speaking my mind.  Of course I’ll fight you over things that I believe in - literally - but I have never had the heart to say ‘this is what I want, this is what will make me happy, and this is what I deserve.’  Really, there is a situation in which I wish that I could do that, even now.”  Another frown, her expression growing distant and her words falling quiet.

What is the most evil thing you have ever done? "Evil?  I don’t know that....oh...”  Another smirk, this one mischievous as she raises a paw to twist her ponytail between her fingers.  “There was this one time, soon after my oldest-younger brother learned to walk.  He wouldn’t stop following me around, and I was hardly old enough to know that you shouldn’t actually lead toddlers into ponds full of grumpy cranes.......He did stop following me.”

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? "No, I always manage to slip away from the brawl before the guards arrive.”

When was the time you were the most frightened? “Oh gods, this one is rather recent.  I thought that my...my friend was going to die.  He had this horrible infection in a wound that he conveniently forgot to tell anyone about until it was nearly too late.  It took me days of work to revive him, and I really thought that I wasn’t going to be able to.”  She takes a deep breath, blinking heavily as her eyes have grown significantly more moist than they had been a moment before.

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? “I ordered some new robes from a tailor in Silvermoon, but they confused my order with something one of the elves had put in.  Bless her, she must have been so disappointed with the modest robes she received...since the vast majority of my rear was hanging out of those tiny shorts she had aimed to get.  I should never have tried to wear that in public, but it did get me some welcomed attention, as well.”  Again she flushes, but it doesn’t manage to melt away the smile splitting her face/

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? “Can the Horde land on Pandaria sooner?  I know they completely fucked over our continent, but gods, I am so much happier here.  It really is almost worth the Sha to experience Kalimdor and the people of the Horde.”

What is your best memory? “Oh goodness...I’m not entirely sure I should share it, even if I can decide on only one...”  She smiles shyly, rubbing her neck and chewing nervously on her lip.  “I suppose when my friend accidentally stabbed himself and showed up on my doorstep unannounced.  He tried to lie and convince me that bandits had done it, and we...”  She clears her throat, shifting her weight to stall as she considers her wording.  “It was a fun night, with lots of joking and I believe some of my brother’s homebrewed beer.”

What is your worst memory? “The look on my father’s face as I boarded the ship.”  She leaves it at that.

Beliefs And Opinions

What is your greatest fear? “Losing everything that I have worked so very hard for.”

What are your religious views? “I suppose I don’t have any that are fully formed.  Of course there are spirits and old gods and all of that, but I don’t go out of my way to honor or worship any one more than the others.  It’s more of an abstract for me, something that does not seem to directly affect me personally.”

What are your political views? She snorts, shrugging.  “I serve the Horde, but I feel like that has more to do with my appreciation for them saving me from a fate of marrying a cabbage farmer than that I agree with their path.  I try to stay out of the debates.”

What are your views on sex? Her brow furrows again, the flush on her face essentially a permanent fixture at this point.  “What do you mean, views?  Like...do I like it?  Or...Oh, do you mean like how all of the old people think you should be married first?”  She sighs, the sound almost whiny as she begins tugging on her ponytail, a nervous habit she had managed to keep at bay until now.  “I guess for me it’s an expression of feeling.  That feeling can be something as simple as lust, of course, but I prefer for it to be something...something more.  Something more important than urges and desire.  It can be elevated to something so much greater if it is a manifestation of strong emotions......Gods, how many times did I just say ‘something’?  So redundant!”

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? “I'm a healer.  Clearly that means that I have an inflated ego and abuse my power over life and death.”  She tries to keep a serious tone and expression, but the last few words come with a snort and suppressed giggles.

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any being could do? The Pandaren considers this for a long moment, the long strands of her silken hair still entwined in her fingers.  “I hate lying.  I think the worst thing that you can do to someone is to gain their trust and take advantage of that - to lead them on and make them think that you care about them when really you wouldn’t so much as notice if you tossed them to the side.  I’d rather face the lucid dream than feel that kind of pain.”

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? "You should see my collection of romance novels - it might give you cause to skip this question.”  She smiles softly, tossing her ponytail back over her shoulder.  “I do not necessarily believe that we all have only one person with whom we can be happy, but I do know that having someone that truly suits you is a feeling like no other.”

What do you believe makes a successful life? “Contentment, of course.  Whether you are content with a house full of children, a great career, or a fishing pole and a cold beer, that feeling of being exactly where you want to be if only for a second - that is success; that is happiness.”

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings? Do you have any biases or prejudices? “I try to keep them to myself, but I’m sure you have noticed that my body language and expressions tend to give me away.  Still, I try to stay open minded, and I think that I manage to work without prejudice the majority of the time.  It’s my responsibility as a healer to treat everyone equally, and I have tried to apply that to the rest of my life, as well.”

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? “Move back to Pandaria.  I feel like the reasoning is clear without explanation.”