#jesushelp

Dear God,

I'm not sure where you are taking me right now.  I need to just let go of my worries and put them in your hands.  I know that you have the best in store for me and I expect the best from you, Lord.  A lot of exciting things have happened this week and I don't know if my emotions that follow are due to the exciting things or the lowering of my medication.  Being bipolar really makes life a little more difficult and more challenging to understand.  There are these guidelines, Lord, like if I am feeling good then I might be manic and if I am feeling sad it might be because I am depressed.  I have to do all these additional tasks like watch out for me sleep hygiene as my therapist instructs, work out multiple times a week, watch what I eat, adhere to my medication and have a routine.  That all seems normal, I guess, but at the same time, it's just not the easiest thing for me to accommodate in my schedule.  As I do those things I feel better but then I am pushed to do more and I feel myself kick back because I want to do my own thing. On a side note, I am setting boundaries with an old love of mine.  I can get so obsessed with him and it drives me crazy.  All I can think about is him and the temptation for more than only friends is palpable.  It would be too easy to fall into the trap of being with him if I continue communicating with him, especially with no other man in my life.  I have so many reasons why I shouldn't talk to him any more than it is ridiculous that I put myself through the struggle of trying to make it work with him.  I want to be a good role model for my sister and other sisters out there.  There is no reason I should be trying to make a relationship work with a man who I used to have an abusive relationship with.  It just doesn't make any sense.  Plus I have come so far in my recovery, not using drugs and adhering to my medication along with the recovery plan that I am becoming a new woman in God every day.  With him still using and in the same place as he has always been, along with being an unbeliever, there should be no reason that I reach out and obsess about him in my life.  Sure I want someone to marry and be with but it doesn't need to be with him.  I seriously cannot take the situation off of my mind.   I need to go work out. Thank you, Lord, for all that you do for me.  For my salvation, forgiveness and the love that endures forever.  You are my strength and you get me through my days.  With every prayer, I feel closer to you even when I just cry out to you Jesus for help when I need it the most.  I don't always know how to pray but opening up to you through writing makes me feel freer and less restricted than my chattering headspace.  I love you, Lord.

Love,