#jestre

Anxiety, pressured speech, irrational sense of fear, racing thoughts, way too much energy, very little sleep, altered perception, the works. I could feel my manic state steadily climbing to where I felt like I was losing control of my body from how often my body would twitch or feel like I was going to do something that wasn't me.

Thankfully, I was able to see my psychiatrist on short notice this past work week because I had a couple of dose increases on two pills I take that she prescribed. So, once I could feel the positive effects, my body felt like it was finally able to let go, but that relief of tension gave me a manic crash. Imagine a sugar high, and then the tiring crash, but cranked to the max at the end of last Saturday.

I now feel much better rested and medicated and less likely to go from hypomanic to completely manic. It's the worst rollercoaster track climb anyone can imagine. Last time I got this bad 7 years ago, I had to get checked into the hospital, feeling like my energy was what caused the lights to flicker there a couple of times.

This past month or so was, I think, better and worse than last time. Better prepared, but worse symptoms. I can't tell you how the anxiety felt other than an increased want to die to make the ungodly anxiety stop.

I will go Crazy 🩷🫶✨

New opportunity to refine character and art skills with Maddy? It's given me ideas for sure here that I can apply to other projects.