#jerena

She noticed her mom’s bedroom door was slightly ajar, so she quietly pushed it open to find her mom still asleep.

“Mom,” Olivia whispered. When her mom didn’t wake up, she gently shook her. “Mom!”

“Hi, baby,” Serena responded sleepily. “You’re up early. Is everything okay?”

Olivia wanted to tell her mom everything, but the words wouldn’t form. Instead, she started crying and she couldn’t get herself to stop.

Serena pulled the covers back and motioned for her daughter to lie down next to her. “C’mere, let me hold you.”

There was safety and warmth and comfort in her mom’s arms just like there had always been and, in that moment, Olivia realized she needed her mom more than ever.

“You know you can tell me anything,” Serena said as she stroked her hair. 

“I know,” Olivia sleepily responded. Her mom smelled like lavender. It was calming and Olivia wanted nothing more than to let her mom cuddle her so she could go back to sleep. But then she felt…the gush.

She freed herself from her mom’s embrace and ran over to the bathroom, grateful that her mom had the master bedroom and the distance wasn’t far.

Olivia still wasn’t ready to tell her mom, but the new stains on her underwear and pajama pants were a dead giveaway, so she knew she no longer had a choice.

“Mom!” Olivia called out. “Mom, can you bring me a pair of pajama pants and some underwear…” Olivia looked under the sink and noticed her mom only had tampons. No, not the plugs. Jamie has to have some pads around here. Jamie was down to her last one, but that one was all Olivia needed…for now.

Olivia heard her mom rush out of the room before knocking on the bathroom door less than a minute later. “Baby, can I come in?”

“Uh, not yet,” Olivia panicked. She had turned the water on and placed her underwear in the sink. Is this Bath and Body Works soap strong enough to get the stains out? My underwear looks like a crime scene. “Can you just leave the clean underwear and pajama pants in front of the door and I’ll pick them up in a few seconds?”

“Olivia,” she heard her mom chuckle. “I know you’re trying to get blood stains out, so either you started your period or you’ve dismembered a body in there. Either way, I think I should know about it.”

“Leave the goods and walk away.”

“Olivia,” her mom continued to knock.

“I don’t have any underwear on.”

“Olivia Margaret Benson,” Serena said in a tone of voice that Olivia knew all too well. A lecture is coming on. “You literally came from my body. I used to bathe you.”

“Used to,” Olivia reminded her. “Things have changed, hence our current situation here.”

“Fine,” her mom responded. “I’m leaving your stuff at the door and giving you one minute to change. After that I’m going in. I need to make sure you put the pad on right.”

“It’s not rocket science, Mom. Sticky side down and then flap the wings over.”

“Maybe I just wanna hold my baby. Besides, you’re a noob when it comes to this. You don’t know how to get blood stains out.”

My mom is the most cheugy woman ever. “Fine,” Olivia groaned, before realizing her mom had just said ‘fine’ a few seconds ago. It’s happening. I’m already becoming her. 

Olivia was given sixty seconds to change and she made sure to get good use of her time even if she nearly tripped over herself in the process. 

Olivia sat on the counter and waited for her mom to come in, knowing that she wouldn’t wait a second longer than the time she had given Olivia to get ready.

Her mom walked in carrying a bottle of Dawn. For the first few years of her life, Olivia thought that bottle contained a magic potion because her mom used it to clean everything from mac and cheese that was stuck on the plate to grass stains on her uniform after one of her softball games. Her mom’s curly hair was now in a messy ponytail and she had thrown one of Jamie’s old hoodies over her camisole. “So, where’s the body?” Serena asked as she looked at the blood-stained underwear and pants in the sink. 

Olivia rolled her eyes. She wondered how her mom could make jokes at a time like this, a time when her life was so clearly over and she was condemned to a monthly hell. Without saying another word, her mom went over to the sink and started to scrub the stains. The harder her mom scrubbed, the more she started to cry, and it was at that moment that Olivia realized this was a huge milestone for her mom, too.

“Mommy,” Olivia said as she wrapped her arms around her waist from behind.

“I’m sorry,” Serena managed to say through her sobs. “I know you’re growing up, but it seems like just yesterday I was holding you for the first time.”

At thirteen, it was only on rare occasions that Olivia liked to be held. The sight of her mom crying was always one of those occasions because she knew it made her feel better.

Serena turned around so she could place a kiss on her forehead. “My big baby. Holding you always makes everything better, but today is supposed to be about you. Do you have any questions about this? Is there anything you want to talk about?”

“Yeah…maybe,” Olivia hesitated. She had several questions, maybe even hundreds, most of which concerned the possibility of an identity crisis, but Olivia still wasn’t sure how to address that topic. Instead, she took the underwear and pajama pants that her mom had just hand-washed and draped them over the shower curtain rod for her mom to put in the dryer later.

They sat on her mom’s bed in silence while Olivia worked up the nerve to say something. 

“I was fourteen my first time,” Serena told her and Olivia was grateful one of them had broken the silence. “Be grateful you started at home. I was at a pool party on Labor Day weekend, a couple of days before my first day of high school. I had just moved back from London and my best friend invited me to a pool party at her house. I was the first one there so I could help her set up. That’s when it happened. I didn’t want to be the only one who wasn’t in the pool so she told me to wear a tampon. I had no idea how to use one. I thought I put it in right, but…” Serena covered her face and threw herself back on the bed. “I have never told anyone this story and this stays between us. I am going to tell you about the most embarrassing moment of my teenage life because you’re my daughter and I love you and I want you to feel better.”

“Tell meee,” Olivia urged her. 

Serena sat back up and tried to tell the story despite the fact that she couldn’t stop laughing. “I was talking to this guy. Cute, blonde surfer type. Looked like a Hollister model. He seemed really into me. We were talking and he told me there was a string loose from my bikini bottoms. Remember, he was a 14-year-old boy so he had no idea what it was. I’m too focused on him to realize what string he’s talking about and that my tampon string is hanging out, so without thinking, I yank on it really hard and out comes my bloody tampon for him to see.”

“No!”

“Yes!” Serena laughed. “Twenty-one years later and I’m still so embarrassed for that 9th grade version of myself.”

“Mom, you’re lying.”

“I wish I were. Before I pulled that string, I thought I had a chance at starting high school with a cute surfer boyfriend. I was already thinking of our matching puka shell necklaces. But once he saw that blood-soaked tampon, he literally ran away and never talked to me again. He ended up telling everyone. I had to call my dad to pick me up because I couldn’t face anyone after that.”

“Some boys are so weak,” Olivia scoffed. “If that happened to Alex, I’d still love her.”

Serena tousled Olivia’s hair. “That’s because you’re a gentleman.”

Gentleman. The word brought Olivia back to the problem at hand. “Mom…”

She felt her mom start to gently caress her back. “What’s the matter, Olliegator? Are you cramping? Do you need some Advil?”

“No,” Olivia shook her head. “I took a couple from the hangover stash in your purse.”

“Hey,” Serena slightly chuckled. “Give your mom a little credit. The hangover Advil is in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom like a civilized adult. The purse Advil is for the stress headaches you give me when you don’t do your homework.”

“Mom,” Olivia groaned. 

“Olivia,” Serena mimicked her tone. Her mom wrapped her arms around her and Olivia felt that comforting feeling again. Her mom’s shampoo and the smell of fabric softener on her hoodie made Olivia feel as safe as she did when she was a little kid. 

Olivia bit her lip, preparing herself for what she was about to ask. “Mom, when did things change for you?”

“What do you mean, Olliegator?”

Olivia thought back to the pictures she had seen of her mom when she was a kid. “In the photo albums I saw at Grandma’s house, you were at baseball games and football games with Grandpa and you wore jerseys and caps. You also liked to climb trees and rollerblade. Now you wear makeup and heels and dresses and you’re such a…girl. Is that gonna happen to me, too? Am I gonna have to give up basketball and softball and everything I love?”

Although there was a look of absolute terror on her daughter’s face, Serena couldn’t control her laughter. “Baby, is that what this is all about?”  

“Yeah, kinda.”

“My baby,” Serena kissed her temple. “Going from a tomboy to what you and Jamie call a girly girl wasn’t something that happened overnight and no one forced it on me. My interests just changed as I grew up. Believe it or not, but your interests have already changed from when you were a little kid. If they hadn’t, you’d still be watching Paw Patrol like you did when you were in kindergarten. I wear makeup and heels and dresses because that’s what I like and that’s the kind of woman that I want to be, but that doesn’t mean that’s how you have to be. You get to define who you want to be on your own terms. Just look at Jamie. Starting her period didn’t mean she had to start wearing dresses and makeup. I don’t think a single picture exists of her in a dress after age five. If you want to keep your hair cropped and never ever wear makeup and you only want to shop in the young mens’ department, then you do you and I’ll be okay with that. Hell, even if you wanted to change your name to Oliver, then that’s fine, too. If anyone says otherwise, they’ll have to take that up with me.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Thank you for being my mom.”

“It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Thank you for being my Olliegator,” Serena smiled at her. “And, you know what? Starting your period isn’t all that bad. It can be a beautiful thing.”

“How?”

“Without it, I wouldn’t have you.”

Olivia shut her eyes as tightly as she could. “Oh, Mom, yuck. Why did you have to Mom up the moment like that?”

“Smartass,” Serena said as she playfully pinched her daughter’s arm. “What do you want for breakfast? Jamie’s not here, so we get to dig into the junk food stash that she hates.”

Olivia nearly leapt out of the bed. “Can we have chocolate chip waffles with Nutella on top?”

“For our secret breakfast? Anything you want, Olliegator.”

Serena was gently startled awake by the sound of rhythmic tapping on her window. She looked at the clock, wondering if it was the rats again and reaching for the corkscrew she kept on her keys. “It’s midnight… who the fu-”

“Ser! Open up! It’s me!”

“Jamie?” Serena called out softly, looking behind her to make sure her door was shut. Jamie had been their upstairs neighbor and best friend for as long as Serena could remember. As they’d grown together, so had their feelings for each other. Jamie was her first kiss, her first time, her first love. And though Serena’s parents did not approve, preferring that Serena focus on her studies and her status as a blossoming socialite among the wealthy in Manhattan, Serena loved Jamie and wouldn’t give her up for anything in the world.

They’d talked about running away together once they’d saved up enough and Serena yearned for the day that they could get in Jamie’s car and drive without ever looking back.

“Jay, what are you doing? My mother will hang you from the fire escape by your toes,” Serena whispered as she pushed the window open, stepping back to give Jamie space to climb in. She smiled despite the worry that they’d get caught, letting her girlfriend pull her in for a quick kiss.

“I’m here,” Jamie started, unwrapping a small white pastry box that she had bundled up in her leather jacket, “because I needed to be the first to wish my girl a very happy birthday.”

Serena felt her smile split her cheeks, mirroring Jamie’s goofy, lovesick grin. “Oh Jamieson, you’re such a sap.”

“I am and you love me for it,” Jamie replied right on cue, pulling her lighter out of her pocket and lighting the tiny pink candle that stood in the middle of the elaborately decorated cupcake before holding the box up to Serena. “Don’t forget to make a wish, preciosa.”

Serena nodded, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, wishing that she could share a million moments like this with Jamie for the rest of their lives before blowing out the candle and leaning forward to kiss her beaming girlfriend. “I love you, Jay.”

“I love you more, Ser,” Jamie murmured, stealing another kiss before pocketing her lighter and handing Serena the box. “I brought drinks and your first birthday present.” Serena stuck her finger in the icing as she watched Jamie reach out to the fire escape, returning with two plastic champagne flutes, a small bottle of champagne and a sparkly, pink gift bag.

“Drinks or presents first?” Jamie asked, swinging the gift bag on her finger in front of Serena. Serena rolled her eyes, snatching the bag playfully and peeking inside. “I unwrap, you uncork Jamieson.” Sticking her hand into the bag, she gasped when her fingertips met what felt like velvet. Meeting Jamie’s gaze, she pulled out the small velvet box.

“I promise it’s not what you’re thinking it is,” Jamie teased, slowly uncorking the champagne and pouring the bubbly liquid into their cups. “Not yet at least,” she added with a wink, and Serena felt slightly relieved and the tiniest bit disappointed all at the same time. She opened the box slowly, her confusion growing when she saw a key. “Is this going to lead to some sappy speech about me owning the key to your heart Jamieson?” she asked, grinning when Jamie snorted softly and rolled her eyes.

“No… but just because of that I promise you’ll get a sappy speech later,” Jamie retorted, setting their drinks on the windowsill before taking Serena’s hand in her own. When their eyes met, Serena felt the ever-familiar butterflies explode in her stomach and she let herself melt into the love swirling in Jamie’s warm eyes.

“You know how I told you I’ve been working more hours at my uncle's restaurant?” Jamie started, sounding slightly nervous.

“Yeah?” Serena said with a nod, giving her girlfriend time to build up to what she was trying to say, though her curiosity was building rapidly into her usual impatience.

“And you know how there’s an apartment right above it that’s barely a one bedroom?”

Serena’s heart started pounding in her chest, her eyes flicking to the gleaming silver key briefly and then back up to Jamie’s. “Yeah?”

Jamie took a deep breath, squeezing Serena’s hand and smiling warmly. “Well, those extra hours I’ve been working have been to save up the money to put the deposit down on that place. My cousins and I fixed it up, painted and remodeled as much as we could and… Serena it’s ours, it’s not much, but it’s ours. And I guess I…”

Serena blinked back the tears she felt building in her eyes. She wasn’t a crier, but with Jamie it was like all her walls crumbled instantly and she could feel the emotion building in her throat. “Jay…”

“It’s nothing like what your parents want you to have but…” Jamie swallowed hard, eyes pleading with Serena. “I would love it if… if you would move in with me… so that we can start our life together. Just like we’ve talked about ever since we were kids kissing out on the fire escape.”

She couldn’t help the tears anymore, so she didn’t, and as she threw her arms around Jamie’s neck and kissed her, Serena couldn’t think of anything she could want more.

“Is that a yes?” Jamie asked softly, their lips brushing together.

“Grandma’s dying!” Olivia blurted out a little louder than she thought she did. “Oh my god. You brought me here to soften the blow. How much longer does she have?”

Serena looked around at the people nearby who were now staring at them. “Mind your own business.” She said to them before she reached across the table to grab Olivia’s hand. “Relax, Ollie. Grandma is fine.”

“Oh my god, it’s Grandpa!”

“Olivia, nobody is dying. I promise you.”

Mother/daughter time wasn’t uncommon for the two of them, but they usually ordered pizza and watched movies together or had the occasional night when they’d play Super Nintendo games together and bicker because Olivia insisted her mom was cheating because she was old and had been playing these games for over twenty years. One of the reasons they went out to nice restaurants together was to celebrate something Olivia accomplished. But I’ve achieved not a damn thing this week.

“Then why are we here?” Olivia asked. “Basketball season and softball season are over, so it’s not because I did well at one of my games. Report cards aren’t out yet so I know it isn’t because of my grades.”

At that moment, it dawned on Olivia that perhaps this wasn’t a mother/daughter dinner. Perhaps this was a family dinner minus one member of their family and Olivia just hadn’t gotten the hint. One of us escaped. “Oh my god, you’re trying to tell me that you and Jamie are getting a divorce! Mom, what did you do?”

“What?” Serena asked, wide-eyed. “Jamie and I are not getting a divorce, and I’m a little offended that you’d think I’d be the one to screw things up and not Jamie.”

“I mean if it’s a choice between the two of you－”

“Olivia Margaret Benson!” Serena interrupted.

A lecture was coming on, but Olivia decided to zone out again. They had placed their order five minutes ago and she began to wish they had just gone to a fast food place so there would already be fries in front of her to soften the blow of whatever her mom was going to say.

“I have something very important to tell you, but I just want you to know that Jamie and I aren’t going to love you any less.”

Olivia decided it was best to tune back into the conversation, fries or no fries. “Mom, that’s what parents say to kids before they tell them they’re getting a divorce or they’re having another kid. You and Jamie are…” she looked across the table at her mom who had the biggest, dopiest grin Olivia had ever seen on her. “So one of us isn’t escaping. I should have known.”

“It’s because I have that pregnancy glow already,” Serena said jokingly. When she took her phone out and pretended to take a selfie, Olivia was just about done with her.

“Well, that and you’re not drinking. Plus, you scarfed down all of our breadsticks before I could even grab one.”

The two of them usually swapped wisecracks, but her mom didn’t have a single smart remark in response. Oh, no, she’s already gone soft. 

“I just want you to know that it doesn’t matter how you were conceived or how this baby was conceived, I’m going to love you both with all that I am.”

“Who are you?” Olivia asked, hoping to add some levity to the situation. “My real mom would have called me a smartass and chucked a straw wrapper at me and missed.”

But her statement went right over Serena’s head. She was happy and looking forward to their future, so Olivia decided to let her have her moment.

“So, you’re okay?” her mom asked.

“Of course I’m okay. I’m so happy for the two of you. I love you, Mom, and I know I’m not the product of you and Jamie happily married and planning for a baby like this baby is. I came to terms with that three years ago when I found out how I was conceived. One question, though.”

“What’s up?”

“You’re not gonna take a picture of me in one of those dumbass ‘I’m the big sister’ t-shirts, are you?”

“I hadn’t thought about that,” Serena chuckled. “Hmm. Come report card time, if your GPA is above a 3.5, then no.”

“And if it’s not?” Olivia asked, a look of absolute terror on her face.

“Then we’re taking the picture and I’m posting it for all your friends to see.”

“I swear, Mom, if you do that…”

“You did this to yourself, Olivia,” Serena laughed. “It hadn’t even crossed my mind to make you wear one of those shirts. Now this’ll give you an incentive to study.”

And just like that, my mom is back.

“I know I’ve told you this before, but you’re the best daughter a mom could ask for,” Serena said as she swirled the water in her glass by force of habit. That lush. “But this whole thing just makes me realize you’ve learned nothing from me. You’re fifteen and you’ll be driving soon. You could have used this to guilt trip me into getting you a car for your next birthday.”

Olivia smacked her hand to her forehead. “Damn it! Can I have a do over?”

“Nice try, Olliegator, but now I know you’re happy for us and you can’t manipulate me into anything.” Serena reached across the table to take Olivia’s strawberry lemonade. “We’ll get you another one. If I can’t have alcohol and I can’t have caffeine, this will have to do.”

“I’m not objecting. You’re pregnant and pregnant women get crazy. I think Jamie and I are going to spend the next few months afraid of you. ”

“Again, you’re the best daughter a mom could ask for,” Serena said before taking another sip. “Practice your tears, though. You may have blown your shot at guilt tripping me, but you can still try it out with Grandma. Besides, she can afford to buy you a way more expensive car than I ever could.”

November in the Benson/Castillo household meant plastic jack-o-lanterns with Santa hats on them, garland with Christmas ornaments wrapped around the banister, and a life-sized Michael Meyers in the front yard. The only indicator that Thanksgiving was coming up was the colorful, construction paper turkey that Charlie had made for an art project in her kindergarten class.

It was a little before 10 when Serena tucked her youngest daughter into bed. Her five-year-old usually had a much earlier bedtime but with the excitement of Olivia being home from college for fall break, she allowed her little one to stay awake. 

When Serena returned to the living room, they decided to stream Krampus, which was a holiday tradition for the Benson family. It wasn’t a particularly scary movie and, being of German heritage, the story of Krampus was something Serena and her siblings heard from their grandmother when they were children; however, Charlie didn’t grow up with Grandma Maggie like Olivia did and, because Serena worked full time while Jamie was a stay-at-home mom, Charlie was more exposed to Jamie’s interests than Serena’s.

“Brace yourself for Krampus, Black Christmas, and Die Hard all throughout the holiday season,” Jamie warned Alex who was sitting on the other couch, cuddled up to Olivia. “It was an eye-opening experience when I realized what the Benson family considers Christmas movies.”

“For the last time, Jamieson, Die Hard is a Christmas movie,” Serena responded. “Black Christmas has Christmas in the title so it’s obviously a Christmas movie and I’m German so if I don’t watch Krampus it’s like I’m denying my heritage.”

The movie was twenty minutes in when Serena noticed little Charlie standing at the bottom of the stairs, clutching her stuffed Jack Skellington. “Mutti, I can’t sleep.”

Seeing her little one holding a stuffed animal from a movie that meant so much to her when she, herself, was a child made Serena’s heart swell. “Kommen Liebchen,” she said to her in the soft, affectionate, tone of voice that she reserved for both of her daughters. Charlie had never watched a horror movie before, but Serena had a feeling Charlie would do what she usually did when she said she couldn’t sleep. She’d want either Serena or Jamie to hold her and, within five minutes, she’d be asleep in their arms and they’d carry her back to her bed.

Just as she suspected, Charlie wanted to be held. Her baby loved cuddles as much as she did, so Serena held her as close as she could and gave her little kisses on her temple to soothe her. 

But this time, Charlie didn’t stay asleep. Without Serena noticing, she opened her eyes and tried to watch as much of the movie as she could without getting caught. The movie’s Christmas setting intrigued Charlie and, because there were Christmas decorations and snow, she figured it wouldn’t be too scary. Serena absentmindedly played with Charlie’s freshly-washed curls, twirling a few strands around her finger until a monster appeared on the screen and she felt Charlie clutching the collar of her button-up shirt. 

“Mutti!” Charlie screamed. She buried her face in the crook of Serena’s neck and she could feel her baby’s tears against her skin.

“Jay, I’m gonna take her to our bed.” Serena stood up with Charlie still clutching at her shirt and hiding her face. She didn’t care if Charlie was getting too heavy for her to carry up the stairs, her baby needed her and Serena wasn’t about to let go. “Goodnight, you guys. I’ll see you in the morning, Olliegator. I can’t lean in so you’ll have to get up and give me my goodnight kiss.”

“Mom,” Olivia groaned. “Not in front of Alex.”

“Alex doesn’t care,” Serena responded, although it didn’t matter to her what Alex thought about it. She may have been 21, but Olivia was still her baby and Serena was going to use every opportunity she got to assert herself as the main woman in Olivia’s life.

“I think it’s sweet that you have a good relationship with your mom. I read that men who are close to their mothers make the best boyfriends and husbands,” Alex said while caressing Olivia’s arm. “I think the same goes for girlfriends.”

Without hesitation, Olivia got up from the couch so she could give Serena a kiss on the cheek. Twenty-one years of being her mom and I’m outdone by a hot blonde in a tight sweater. My daughter does whatever Alex says. I should learn how to use that to my benefit.

“Mom, it’s getting late,” Olivia began. She had her arm around her and was being extra affectionate so Serena had a feeling she was about to ask for something. “...and it’s supposed to snow. Is it okay if Alex spends the night? I don’t want her driving home.”

“Yeah, of course she can stay,” Serena kissed Olivia’s cheek and then Charlie’s. “She can sleep in your bed and you can sleep here on the couch.”

“Mom!” Serena could tell her daughter was embarrassed although she was trying to remain on Serena’s good side. “We’re 21. We’re not in high school anymore. I think Alex and I are mature enough to share a bed. You let us share one when we were 12.”

“That’s when you two were cute, innocent little girls who were shy because of a quick peck on the lips,” Serena reminded her. “When Alex has a ring on her finger, we’ll revisit this.”

“Should I propose to her right now then?”

“Olivia Margaret!” Serena scoffed. “What did I tell you about being a smartass?”

Serena knew it was no use and that Olivia would eventually sneak into the room and, quite frankly, she wasn’t really opposed to it. Alex had been with her daughter for nine years, through some of the most difficult times of Olivia’s life, and had helped her through it. Serena loved Alex like a daughter and she trusted them together, but she’d be damned if she told Olivia that and didn’t instill even the slightest bit of fear in her about sleeping together under her roof. 

When Serena laid Charlie down in her and Jamie’s bed, she noticed her baby’s eyes were swollen from crying. “Vӧgelchen,” Serena said softly while she cuddled her. “Nothing is going to hurt you. I’ll always be here to keep you safe.”

She felt Charlie move her head back and forth across her collar and she knew it was her daughter’s way of wiping her nose on her shirt. Just one of the joys of parenting a five-year-old. “I’m not scared,” Charlie insisted. “Fluffy doesn’t scare me. Michael Meyers doesn’t scare me. Nothing scares me. I’m like you, Mutti.”

Serena tickled her little girl so she could hear one of her favorite sounds－Charlie’s laughter. “Okay, my brave girl.” She stopped tickling her so she could think about how she was going to approach this sensitive subject with Charlie. “I know you’re not afraid of anything but even, if you were afraid of something, that’s okay. Everyone has something they’re afraid of.”

Charlie scrunched her little nose when Serena gently tapped her finger to it. “Mama is scared of bugs,” Charlie informed her. “I think bugs are fun.”

“Bugs are fun,” Serena agreed with her. “I had a pet tarantula when I was a little older than you. Her name was Pretty Baby and I loved to pet her. You and I aren’t afraid of bugs, but Jamie is and that’s okay. Everyone is different.”

“If everyone is different…” Charlie gently bit her lip to stall for time as she thought about what she was going to say. “...then it’s okay if I’m scared of Krampus and you’re not?”

“Oh mein Knuddelbär,” Serena tried not to laugh. “When I was your age, Krampus scared me more than anything. He scared your aunt Lexie and uncle Kyle, too. He also scared Olivia and your grandpa and your great-grandma Maggie and your great-great-grandparents and even the people in our family that came before them. You are now part of a long line of Fleischmann children who have gotten absolutely terrified by Krampus.”

“Does he really put kids in a bag and take them to hell?” Charlie asked, her question taking Serena by surprise. “What does he do, Mutti?”

Serena thought about the life-altering night of December 5, 1992, when she was five, Lexie was four, and Kyle was three. Their parents were out at a holiday party so they spent the night at Grandma Maggie’s house. The three Benson children had consumed more than their fair share of Christmas cookies and were running amuck so Grandma Maggie told them about Krampusnacht to get them to behave. She told them that on December 5th, Krampus spends the night visiting every child and leaves bundles of sticks for the bad children and sometimes hits them with the sticks. The worst-behaved children would get tossed in a sack and thrown in the river or taken straight to hell with him. Now that Grandma Maggie considered them old enough to understand the difference between good and bad, she also decided to tell them about Nikolastaug, which was the day after Krampusnacht. Every Nikolastaug, St. Nicholas would bring presents for all the good little boys and girls or, in other words, those who had survived the previous night and weren’t beaten, drowned, or dragged to hell by Krampus. After hearing that story, Serena and her siblings were on their best behavior that night and were rewarded with gifts the next morning. Although they were now in their early 40s, the fear of Krampus was still in them and they made sure to be on their best behavior every December 5th. On December 5th, 2013, the family tradition continued when Grandma Maggie passed the story down to Olivia. As the first generation born in the US, Serena’s dad was more Americanized and disconnected from his German heritage, so instead of a grandparent telling her the story, Serena knew she would have to be the one to pass down the tradition to Charlie.

“But you’re a good little girl,” Serena made sure to emphasize after telling Charlie the story of Krampus. “Krampus doesn’t come after good little girls. Instead, good little girls get presents on Nikolastaug, which means you’re going to have two days of presents in December.”

“Three days,” Charlie said as she held up three of her little fingers. “I’m good so I get presents on Nikolastaug and Christmas morning and Grandma Melanie lets me open one on Christmas eve. And my birthday is next week so I have presents in November. Mama told me it’s two days after we eat turkey.”

When Charlie started to make the ‘gobble, gobble’ sound like a turkey, Serena knew her daughter was back to her usual self. “That’s my girl and, because you’ve been so good, I think you deserve a special present. What do you want for your birthday?”

Charlie stood up on the bed and started jumping, no longer able to contain her excitement. “I want a tarantula!”

Jamieson is going to divorce me.

“Mutti?” Charlie asked once they were lying down again. “Can we get chocolate chip cookies when we go to the store? I’m good but I want to give them to Krampus so he’ll be my friend and go after the kids I don’t like.”

Charlotte Castillo, you are becoming more like me with each passing day. 

“Nothing in red states. My mom doesn’t like being surrounded by conservatives,” Serena searched her purse for a hair tie so she could put her hair up in a ponytail. The humidity had taken its toll on her curls and they were starting to frizz.  “This isn’t my parents’ cabin, though. It’s Uncle Ted’s. You met him at our wedding. He’s the long-haired one who smuggled weed across the border in a surfboard back when he was 19.” Uncle Ted was yet another one of the Benson cast of characters that Jamie had met at their wedding. It was that day that Jamie learned her wife was actually one of the most normal members of the Benson family. “He’s had this cabin for 30 years now and he’s always let Kyle and me use it whenever we want to get away.”

Just as Jamie had suspected, the cabin was luxurious and about twice the size of their apartment. Jamie was in awe of the kitchen and spent most of their first day getting use out of the expensive cookware and kitchen appliances while Serena spent her time in the hot tub in the master bedroom. “This one’s indoors, Jamieson,” Serena pointed out when Jamie went upstairs to bring her some gummy worms and wine. “No getting chased by bears this time.”

They spent the second day in bed which ended with Serena knocking out early. Jamie was lonely without her favorite person to hang out with, but she patted herself on the back for a job well done. She had worn Serena out in the best way possible so she decided to go downstairs for a celebratory snack. But it was while she was in the kitchen that she heard a noise coming from outside. She wanted to think it was a bear or some other woodland critter, but her mind shifted to the podcast that Serena listened to in the truck and she was afraid to look out the window and see a pair of glowing red eyes. Or maybe it’s an axe murderer. 

She left her snack in the kitchen and immediately went upstairs to wake Serena. She shook her gently but it wasn’t enough to wake her, so she made another attempt by shaking her just a little harder.

“Jay?” Serena struggled to open her eyes. “What’s wrong? Did Olivia call? Should I go pick her up?”

Jamie attempted to remain calm, but Serena could tell that she was worried. “Olivia is fine. Babe, I’m gonna need you to stay in here. I think there’s someone trying to get in.” When they got married, she had made a vow to protect Serena and that was just what she was going to do. Uncle Ted was a baseball fan and there was an autographed bat on display that Jamie had every intention of using so she could protect Serena.

“A bat?” Serena shook her head. “My sweet Jamieson.”

“Where are you going?” she asked her wife when she disappeared into the walk-in closet. “What if there’s an axe murderer? I’m going to need you to stay in here and call 911. I can take care of it. It’s too dangerous for you to go downstairs, Ser Bear.”

The possibility of an axe murderer entering their cabin didn’t seem to phase Serena and Jamie realized why when she saw her tiny wife emerge from the walk-in closet carrying an assault rifle. “He has an axe. I have this. Who do you think is gonna win this battle?”

“Uncle Ted has an arsenal in that walk-in closet,” Serena told her as nonchalantly as if she were telling her about her uncle having a sports memorabilia collection. “My parents don’t own guns but my grandpa and Uncle Ted take the second amendment very seriously. Grandpa taught me how to use one of these when I was 8.” 

Jamie followed Serena downstairs, still in awe of how calm and collected her wife was. “Babe, let’s just call 911. You don’t know what this man is capable of.”

But her 5’5” 108-pound wife was in Rambo mode. “It wouldn’t be the first time I shot an axe murderer, Jamieson. You remember the story of what happened when I was ten. Let’s not get the law involved yet. You know how we handle things in my family.”

That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. What kind of woman did I marry?

As soon as they reached the living room, they heard a rustling sound on the porch. “Jay,” Serena whispered. “Get behind the couch. We didn’t lock the door. He’s gonna come in. He’s just stalling to terrorize us. The camp is nearby. I have to take out this man so he doesn’t hurt my wife and my baby.”

She had always thought it sounded like a cliche, but Jamie truly felt as if her life was flashing before her eyes. She saw her childhood summers and moments she spent cooking with her grandma. She saw her first kiss and the first girl she fell in love with, but most importantly she saw Serena. She saw little glimpses of their time together from the day they met at the coffee shop to how beautiful Serena looked when she walked down the aisle on their wedding day. Serena was everything she had ever wanted and, with Olivia, Jamie had the family she had always dreamed of.

She looked over at Serena who was standing with her gun pointed at the door. Her wife was ready for anything which, in turn, made Jamie feel as if everything was going to be okay. They were going to survive the night; however, when the sound on the porch went from a rustling to the pitter patter of small feet, her wife gently set the gun down so it was leaning against the wall and slowly made her way toward the door.

“Babe?” Jamie asked. She wasn’t sure why her wife had let her guard down but she decided to catch up to her.

“The lads!” Serena said before flinging open the door to reveal four plump raccoons walking around on their porch. “Jay, get the two plates I have in the refrigerator and come join us outside.”

It wasn’t the most unusual thing that had happened in their marriage nor was it even the most unusual thing that had happened that night, so Jamie felt it was easier not to ask questions and just get the plates like Serena had asked.

The plates were filled with grapes and an assortment of Serena’s favorite cheeses and, when she brought them out, Serena kept one on the table and set one down on the ground. The raccoons immediately flocked to the plate and Jamie felt as if the sight before her was both cute and terrifying at the same time. My wife is a raccoon whisperer.

“Take a seat,” she told Jamie before biting into a piece of smoked gouda. “Welcome to the 2 a.m. Cheese and Grape Society. The lads and I are giving you an honorary membership.”

Jamie popped a grape in her mouth. “How do I get a full membership? Is there an initiation ritual?”

“Just bring us more cheese and grapes when we’re finished and you’re in.” Serena picked up another grape and held it up to Jamie’s mouth so she could feed her. “Don’t think I’m doubting your abilities as the stud I married, but last night I wore you out and I couldn’t sleep so I fixed myself a snack. The air was so crisp and clean so I decided to sit outside and the lads took it upon themselves to join me. I wanted to be a good hostess so I brought out a plate for them and, thus, the 2 a.m. Cheese and Grape Society was born. They must have remembered and wanted to have another snack tonight.”

“Ser?”

“Hmm?” Jamie watched as Serena tossed a grape into the air and attempted to catch it. The grape bounced off of her chin and was soon devoured by one of the raccoons. 

“Had someone told me the second day of our vacation would start with having you in the shower and end with you aiming an assault rifle at the door and then us sharing cheese and grapes with raccoons, I wouldn’t have believed them. I don’t know why I wouldn’t have believed them seeing as, with you, nothing is out of the realm of possibility.”

They stayed outside talking until the sun came up. They told jokes and stories and revealed things to each other that nobody else knew. She couldn’t stop smiling when Serena recorded videos of the raccoons to send to Olivia and when they FaceTimed each other right after Olivia woke up. Jamie knew Serena would always be a mom first and it warmed her heart to see how happy Serena was when she saw Olivia on the screen. Serena was a mom, a wife, a sharpshooter, and a raccoon whisperer all in one and Jamie loved her more with each thing she learned about her.