Genre: Romance; angst; slow burn; friends2lovers;
Warnings: strong language; mentions of death; mention of r*pe; eventual smut
Wordcount: 15k
Ps- English is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes! I always try my best! Not proofread
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This gonna be divided in two part because it has gotten too long
You always loved the idea of love: the romance, the effort, the cumplicity: everything related to it- but one thing it never occured you was the jealousy you'd feel.
You finished high school in 2015 and decided to take a sabbatical year where you'd do whatever you wanted: you had some part time jobs, had gone to parties your closest friends, but you got tired and wanted more so when you found out the application period for college exams was going to open you didn't hesitate. Truth is you were always a very homely person, barely leaving your house, not because your parents wouldn't let you, they kept insisting for you to go have some funa and clear your head, but you didn't like that type of enviroment. Instead, you'd rather stay home reading or watching movies than going out until it started affecting your mental health, isolating you from everything and everyone. That was the main reason why your parents told you to take a full year for you to enjoy yourself. You only had a few close friends, but the ones you had were worth 10 of them. Not to gush, but you were lucky with the people around you. When high school ended, your best friend Rosé would go out and insisted on taking you with her. That's how your story with Jungkook began.
You and him met in mid-February 2016. Rosé was talking to a guy named Tae, you'd see the pictures she usually posted on Instagram of the two of them and another guy with a rather peculiar style. In one of those pictures you saw he was all in black, with some necklaces bigger than him (almost) and very thin, however, his eyes were what caught your attention the most. Despite all the black he wore, his bambi brown eyes gave him a very sweet and innocent appearence. Rosé always insisted on you to go out with her and her new group of friends. For some reason she wanted to introduce you to them, even though you always said you had no interest in it until you were so tired of hearing her talk about the same thing over and over again, you agreed to go with her and those "so new" friends.
You and Rosé went to a well known pub in the city, being the first ones to get there, asking for two cokes with lemon and ice. Maybe fifteen minutes later you notice two guys coming in and looking around, they were both tall, one with curly light brown hair while the other had very dark hair and bambi eyes. That's when you realized it was him, the guy you had identified before, however, this time without the all-black outfit. Instead he had a plain white shirt and ripped jeans and a pair of earrings. You had to admit he was extremely handsome, thin but muscular, everyone could tell he was into exercising or had started going to the gym. The first to arrive at the table and introduce himself was Tae, a super communicative and outgoing guy, you could see how comfortable he was with people, just as Rosé. Behind him came his friend, who introduced himself as Jungkook, however, unlike Tae, he was someone more quiet and reserved, like you. Tae sat down next to Rosé after greeting you, forcing Jungkook to sit next to you.
As time passed it was palpable the chemistry between Tae and Rosé as they talked and leaned over each other, gently and discreetly caressing each other's leg, hand or shoulder. After a while they said they would go for a smoke, leaving you and Jungkook alone. It couldn't have been more awkward between you two at first. He was shy and so were you, there was simply no conversation between you other than an exchange of glances here and there. You were about to get up to meet the others outside when he spoke.
"If I were you I wouldn't go."
"They're probably sucking each others tongue at this very moment." you made a disgusted face
"Whewwww gross. You think?"
"Ohh believe me I'm sure of it" He laughed and damn you for noticing how pretty his smile was. You didn't know if he had braces or veneers before but fuck - what a perfect and white smile he had- You swear if you had that kind of smile you'd never stop using it.
"I'm Y/n by the way. I didn't get the chance to properly introduce myself before"
You had a feeling he was gonna give you trouble
You blamed that bunny smile of his.
After that night, you and Jungkook became super friends. In fact, he ended up taking you home since Tae and Rosé left together. Along the way, you ended up talking even more and getting to know each other better: you knew he was 23 years old, had studied art and that he now worked in a graphics store while taking a tattoo artist course. You told him you were 19 and turned 20 in the summer. You also shared your intentions on going to college that same year to study education since you loved children and your biggest dream was to be a kindergarten teacher. You also ended up discovering you had a lot of things in common, you had to admit it was worth going out with your best friend that specific day because the boys were super fun and nice people to hang with and you really enjoyed interacting with them. Rosé and Tae started dating shortly after that day, so it was inevitable that you wouldn't see Jungkook more often, making him a big part of your life.
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The week of your university exams arrived and you were very nervous, at this point you were afraid you would get there and forget even your name. On the days you had exams, Jungkook always remembered to send you a message of support and that relieved a lot of the pressure you felt. After the fourth and final exam, you finally breathed a sigh of relief, feeling like you could enjoy summer as you should.
As you were leaving school, you heard someone call your name. You looked back and saw Jungkook walking towards you, however, you realized he wasn't alone. Beside him was Maddie, a girl who had been in your class, but failed due to excessive absences and had to repeat the year again. You were happy to hear she managed to finish it, you heard some rumors about her being absent at the time because of an abortion she had. It was never confirmed or at least you never heard anything about it again. Honestly you never thought you'd see her doing the admission exams, since she didn't really like to study either. You were happy yet quite surprised to see him with her.
When you saw the two of them you tried to look away, picking up your phone as if you were replying to a text, but from the corner of your eye you saw Maddie giving a kiss on the corner of Jungkook's lips while he smiled, having his arm around her waist, with his hand resting on her ass. You don't know why, but that made your stomach twist. Then you saw her whisper something in his ear, to which he nodded and they each went their separate ways, her into school and him closer to where you were.
"Hello smarty pants. How was the last exam? Ready to enjoy summer the right way?"
"Stop it" you laughed. " It was good I guess. I don't think I have to worry about it, the worst part was the math exam. What are you doing here anyway? Stalking much?" Jungkook put an arm around your shoulders
"Not even! Honestly I didn't know you studied here. I recognized your figure when I came to drop Maddie off. I'm sure you've crossed paths before, right? She's a year older than you and doing finals aswell"
"Ohh yeah I know her, she was in my class and she's just a couple months older than me but who's counting. Didn't know you had a girlfriend" You pulled away from him so that the arm previously around your shoulders fell away. "I don't want any problems with her, I heard she has a temper" He brought you close to him again.
"What girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend, I'm single and ready to mingle. I'm sure you'd know if I had one. You really think I'd be hanging out with all of you instead of my girl? I'm not stupid Y/n- I love you guys but I'd never choose hanging with my friends over my girl every night" You looked at him confused. "Then what are you?"
"That didn't look like friends to me"
"We met on a party I went with some friends, we hit off and have been fooling around since then."
"Ohhhh that type of friends, got it" you were silent for a moment until you spoke again. "never pegged you as that kind of guy" Jungkook made an offended face "Wow. Why are you saying that like it's the worst thing in the world?"
"Sorry I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was that since I met you I always had the idea that you were more of a serious type? I dn't know how to put it in words, justI didn't think you'd be the type to have friends with benefits. I don't know how to explain it- why are we even talking about this? Wheeew. "
"I'm shy at first, not blind Y/n. I'm human and like everyone else I have needs. Just because I don't want any kind of relationship right now doesn't mean I'm trash with them. I'm focused on enjoying my life but I don't have to be naive when it comes to sex and girls. I know what they want and they know what I want, it's easy" He said it jokingly, but you felt attacked. "and we are talking about it because you brought it up. Are you gonna tell me you've never done the same?" The only thing you said to him was "shut up" along with a punch in the arm, which definitely hurt youmore than it did to him.
How much has this guy grown physically in a short space of time?
The week had finally come to an end and Friday night arrived and you, Rosé, Tae and Jungkook were in the usual spot, having the usual conversations. They were sharing what they were going to do over the weekend, while you, on the other hand, were tired and sad. You had a fight with your mother so you were quieter tonight. It was rare for it to happen but when it did, it sucked. She is the type who never thinks before saying things and when she realizes it the damage is already done. Remember when people say words are more painful than a slap? that's you. You always considered your mother as your best friend, you knew you could count on her for everything and honestly if it wasn't for her supporting you after your first boyfriend treated you like shit just because you didn't feel comfortable initiating something sexual with him when you were 16, you don't know if you would have made it this far.
It was regular for you and Josh to go to your house or his after school, to study together and have some fun as a typical young couple who are at the beginning of their sexual discovery, however, you still didn't feel ready to go all the way. Of course you had already done other types of foreplay, but not the act itself. You had been dating for 6 months and at first he was super respectful but then he was increasingly pressuring you to do it, always implying if you didn't want to it was because you didn't really like him. You had already learned how to deal with it as he always ended up respecting your wishes until that one day.
You had just arrived home and your parents were still at work as usual. You had prepared some snacks and were in the living room watching tv until he started getting closer to you and give you little kisses on the neck and that was alright because there was nothing new, however, he started to be rougher, more aggressive and started to hurt you in the process. When you realized everything, you started to panick and begging him to stop, but he wouldn't. You did everything you could to get out of his grip, yet he was stronger and heavier than you so all your attempts were in vain. You just remember crying and trying to scream, asking him to stop and him kissing you everywhere and touching you in places you didn't want.
You know it was a miracle when you hear a key being inserted into the door and see your mother come in. Both your parents usually didn't get home until 8 or 9 at night, if not later. Your mother was a nurse and your father was a businessman so their schedules were difficult to know sometimes. When your mom saw you in that state she immediately went to help you and that's the last you can remember. Your therapist had said sometimes our brain blocks our traumatic memories as a protective mechanism and that's what happened to you. Since that moment you haven't been able to get involved with anyone on a more intimate level. You had a lot of support from your parents and if they were protective before, they became even more so after what happened.
Fortunately, and with therapy, you were gradually able to overcome this trauma, being able to live your life like before again, with a lot of help from Rosé too. That's why whenever you fought with your mother, especially over stupid things, you ended up feeling somewhat guilty and ungrateful. While you were listening to your friends talking, your phone started ringing and you looked at the screen and saw "mummy". Standing up you told them you were going to answer a call and went out to talk to her. At the end of the call you were calmer and she even apologized to you. Surprising, I know. When you were getting ready to go back you felt someone's presence behind you and turned around, coming across a worried Jungkook.
"Ohh yeah everything's fine. My mom called me and I couldn't hear anything inside" Jungkook sat down on a little stair near the entrace mentioning for you to do the same.
"I noticed you're very quiet today and that's not you. What's wrong?"
"I had a huge fight with my mom today. It's rare when we fight but when it happens it's bad and it was over something so ridiculous. Now she called me to apologize and ask if I was alright and said she would always support me no matter what I decided to do and yeah that definitely made me feel better. Thanks for noticing Kook"
"No problem, smartass. We are friends and if you are unwell of course I will be concerned. Next time talk to me, maybe it will relieve you, you don't have to bear everything alone, you know that right?"
"I know you do, but thank you anyway." There was a pause and then you looked at him again and wrinkled your nose "I'm glad Rosé bugged me over and over again to hang out with you guys, it was probably one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life."
"I wish I had met you sooner, you know. In a way I think my life would have taken a 360 degree turn for the better if that had happened before." As he said this, his voice was so serious and soft at the same time it sent shivers down your spine. At that moment there was something between you and him that you couldn't describe, but you knew it was comforting, those words had made you feel shy, so you moved closer to him and laid your head on his shoulder.
"You may not believe it, but I believe things happen when and how they have to happen and if we only met now it is for a reason. Perhaps if we had met before we wouldn't get along as well as we do now. It's all in good time Kookie, even if we think it isn't." Jungkook grabbed your hand and intertwined it with yours, laying his head on top of yours. After that, neither of you spoke again, staying there feeling the gentle wind on your faces. You loved being like this with him, close to him, protected by him, because you knew that for you and your heart that was already a little more than just friendship.
After that day you didn't see Jungkook for some days, something about him being too busy managing his personal and professional life according to Tae's words. He, you and Rosé were having a great time. Together you would go to the pub every night, going to the city's famous nightclub aswell. Not that you were a club girl, you were more for them than for yourself, yet you can't deny you ended up having a good time. You found yourself missing Jungkook a lot more you thought you would, wondering what had him all caugh up that he couldn't even hang with you anymore.
Would it be Maddie or someone new?
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Three weeks later and your birthday was finally here and you were super excited. You always loved celebrating birthdays, the coexistence, the surprises, everything about it excited you and this year wouldn't be different. You had gone to your grandparents house for the weekend with your parents. They lived two hours away from you so whenever you went to visit them you made sure to enjoy every second. During the days you were there, you always talked to Rosé, who told you how things were going with Tae and in a way also gave you updates on Jungkook. Apparently he had gone to a tattoo artists' conference abroad and forgot to activate his data so he could talk to everyone, losing his phone midway his trip. You were happy to know the reason for his disappearance was entirely professional.
You got back on Wednesday night a little before dinner time. You had just finished packing all your things when you heard someone knock on your bedroom door. Opening the door, you're met with a super excited Rosé "I missed you so much". She may look tough, but deep down you know she's a softie. You knew her presence there wasn't for nothing. According to her she was on a mission to get you to hang out with the group a bit. Initially you refused, saying you were too tired, but she knows how to persuade people very well and before you knew it, you were all dressed up and ready to walk out the door.
When you arrived at your usual spot you saw the usual table, occupied by the usual people, only this time there was one more person: a girl more or less your height and with dark, long hair. Honestly, her features were identical to yours, the only difference was the style of clothing she wore to show off her beautifully sculpted body. You didn't have that body, you were a little fuller than her, with more hips and your legs touched - your biggest insecurity. She took the seat next to Jungkook, where you usually sat. Rosé didn't notice your sudden change in behavior, perhaps because she was already focused on her boyfriend who was pointing to the seat next to him. When the others finally noticed your presence, both Jungkook and the mysterious girl next to him looked back and for a second you forgot how to walk. Shit. It's only been three weeks since you last saw him, but he looked different: stronger, more defined, more tattooed and even more handsome. He changed his haircut too and added two more earrings to the one he already had. Your eyes met for a few minutes, until you reached the table saying hi to everyone
"Y/n finally you give us an opportunity to see your pretty face" Tae said wrapping one arm around Rosé's chair. "I thought you were mad at us and were going to pull a Jungkook stunt."
"As if Tae, as if. It's only been five days since you last saw me, there's no need for you to miss me that much. Besides, you knew where I was and I was always contactable," you said, walking around the table. You noticed Jungkook had opened a space between him and Tae, perhaps for you to sit there, however, you grabbed a chair and pulled it next to Rosé. You saw Jungkook frowning.
"Yeah you're right. Regarding that, Jungkook is the master champ without a doubt, disappeared without saying anything and when he returned he brought a friendly surprise with him." Tae was teasing Jungkook but didn't get any reaction from him. You shrugged, opening the can of Coke Zero you ordered and pouring it into the glass with ice and lemon. "Expected" was all you said about it before the mood grew tense. Jungkook was still quiet, despite the girl next to him laughing at what was being said. The rest of the time was spent talking about plans for the rest of the summer and what to do before college started until Rosé mentioned your birthday.
"So as you guys know our Y/n's birthday is tomorrow and we have to celebrate properly, so tomorrow get ready to party all night long. There are no exceptions, so don't even remember to make plans for tomorrow, you hear Y/n? I'm going to be extremely upset" Rosé made you pinky swear you wouldn't bail at your own party. Around eleven p.m you left the pub where you were, ready to go home. Rosé and Tae were going home together and Jungkook was also supposed to go with the girl whose name you didn't know yet. You had two options: either you'd go with your best friend and her boyfriend or you'd for a walk alone. Obviously you chose the second option. Don't get the wrong impression, you loved to see them happy but you weren't going to submit yourself to that humiliation and even though she said they were going to take you home, you preferred to walk. It was your initial plan until Jungkook spoke to you for the first time that night.
"I can take you home Y/n. I have my car and Catherine lives nearby, we'll drop her quickly and then I'll drop you off safely" So that was her name- Catherine- how fancy you wanted to say. You declined the offer, saying you wanted to walk but Rosé insisted on what a good idea it was and how she felt more at ease knowing Jungkook was the one taking you, claiming she knew who to kill if something happened to you leaving you no choice but to hop on the car with him and fancy Catherine.
She went in the front seat while you got in the back. You heard them talk but you weren't interested in understanding what they were saying just in case you heard something you shouldn't. Instead you were focused in the view outside and how calm it seemed to be, with the light breeze passing over your skin. Five minutes later you felt the car stop and saw fancy Cathy kiss Jungkook on the cheek, says she would see him tomorrow, opened the door and left without saying anything to you. After all why would she? You didn't speak to her once or even tried to talk to her so you couldn't judge. She got out, yet the car remained stopped. At first you thought he was waiting for her to get inside but there was no sign of her anymore. You looked at Jungkook and he was already staring at you through the rearview mirror. "What?"
"I'm waiting for you to move to the front seat. Isn't that how it usually is?"
"I'm good, wasn't planning to move from here for a ten minute ride anyway." You have to admit that sounded harsher than it was supposed to. He didn't respond, but the car remained still. You heard him sigh. "If you don't move to the front then I'm the one who's going to the back" You mocked him
"You wouldn't do that, especially in front of fancy Cathy's house"
"Wanna bet?" Jungkook started by taking off his seatbelt and when he was about to open the door you got out and sat in the front seat. He grinned. "See? You moved pretty fast" you simply gave him your middle finger. "Soooo... fancy Cathy? Is that what we're calling her now?"
"I thought the name was very fancy, hence the nickname. Does it bother you?"
"Not me. Seems like it bothers you much more than it bothers me." You laughed "Keep dreaming" Jungkook drove just a few meters until he stopped the car in a small, empty park, turned off the car and looked at you, this time with a look that affected your entire body. "What's going on?" You gave him a confused look. "You're acting weird"
"I'm acting weird? You were the one disappearing on everyone and when you came back you spoke to everyone but me. Just figured you were occupied"
"That was my bad and I already apologized for that mistake. I had a last minute conference, it was work related I couldn't just say no. Then I lost my phone and all the contacts, it sucked to be honest, thank you for asking. When I saw Tae and Rosé again, you were already out of town, figured I'd wait for you to come back and tell you about my bad luck myself but then you didn't even spare me a glance"
"Well I'm sorry. Didn't want to get you in trouble"
"Catherine and I are just friends. She's new in town and just started working on the same store where I tattoo. We went to the conference together plus our boss, we ended up bonding" You scoffed at him
"I can imagine" Jungkook rolled his eyes. "Anyway, how long will we be here looking at nothing? It's midnight and I wanna re-" You couldn't finish the sentence because you saw Jungkook pick up a mini cupcake with a candle on top and grab a lighter.
"Happy birthday smarty pants"
The night of your birthday was starting off really nice.
You and your friends had dinner at one of your favourite restaurants. Jungkook, Tae and Rosé gave you an hotel gift card for two people for 5 nights. Then you guys head off for Seven Rings nightclub, where the majority of teenagers would go. That night you swore to only have fun, so you danced, drank and had cigarettes stolen from Jungkook, who was very displeased and gave them to you after a lot of insistence. You weren't a smoker but when you drank you felt the urge to taste that bitter cigarette taste.
You were on your fourth Sex on the beach and had to admit the jumpsuit Rosé had given you two years ago made you feel pretty sexy and confident. You had rarely used it and thought your birthday was a special day to do so. When you showed up, your friends jaw dropped and for a moment you think you saw Jungkook adjust his pants, or maybe it was just the three beers you had earlier taking effect. Either way, you were feeling amazing and after so many drinks you couldn't care less about your surroundings. Tae was the designated driver, which meant everyone else, including you, were drunk.
Right now you're on the dance floor with Rosé while Tae and Jungkook had gone to get a drink. You were so focused on the music that you only noticed a pair of hands around your waist when someone turned you around and came face to face with you. Jungkook had a cocktail in his hand while the other was on you, pressing you against him. He looked divine: black pants and plaid shirt slightly open and tight to his body, with some of his new tattoos on display and hair longer than usual. You can't deny he was a charming and sexy man and you couldn't judge the fact that all the women ate him up with their eyes, it's not like you've never done that either, like yesterday, when he dropped you off and you went to your room, grabbed your vibrator and started pleasing yourself thinking about him. You can't recall having such a strong orgasm before. Now he was dancing so close to you you could feel his breath hit your nose and you were sure he could feel your heart beat fast too. You could smell the perfume he 'stole' from you a while back too.
"If no one has told you yet let me be the first to say you look extremely sexy today"
"Well thank you loverboy. I tried my best today, after all it's not everyday you have an opportunity to celebrate another year of life" Jungkook approached your face even more, just to whisper in your ear "I'm glad to have an opportunity this year and I hope to have many more in the coming years as well."
"Ohh Kookie if I didn't know any better I'd say you were flirting with me" You knew the conversation had to end but you didn't expect him to keep up with your game.
"Who told you I'm not?" He was looking at you so intensely and you were so close to each other the only thing you could look at was his lips. You got closer and closer and when your lips were about to touch someone pulled him away. Behind him was Fancy Cathy in a top that showed almost everything and a skirt that looked more like panties. For such a fancy name, her clothing choices left a lot to be desired.
Jungkook was a little stunned, but managed to say something to her, turning his attention to you again with hopeful eyes. You know what he intended, but you couldn't. You had a plan for yourself and you couldn't get away from it, besides, he was one of your best friends, getting involved would ruin everything and he had already said he wasn't looking for something serious or a long-term relationship. You knew his focus was on enjoying life and having as many hook ups as possible. He tried to pull you close again but you stepped away a little and took a deep breath, excusing yourself to catch some air. He followed you "Y/n wait" - he reached for your arm as you turned around to face him again "talk to me!"
"There is nothing to talk about Jungkook this is wrong! I'm drunk and so are you, we'd wake tomorrow regretting our actions and would make things awkward between us. Let's face it, we'd never work out"
"Why? How'd you know that if you don't give yourself a chance to figure it out?" you hurt him and you could tell by his voice
"How do I know? just by what you told me Jungkook. I don't wanna be one of the many friends you fool around with whenever you feel like it and move on from when you're bored. That's you, not me"
"That's what you think of me hum? Good to know. Sorry for reading it all wrong." he started to turn around but looked at you again "You're right in one thing though, we'd never work out wanna know why? Because I wouldn't be able to handle such a prude like you. And just so you know, the only reason I went out with you on the first day was because Rosé and Tae convinced me. You didn't get along with anyone and your best friend would get so worried about you that Tae wanted to fuck her without having to worry about you calling her all the time"
Suddenly everything slowed down, the words, the people, the music- everything- Is that why she always insisted for you to go out with them and meet other people? because you were a burden? You didn't realize you were alone outside, nor that you sat on a chair looking into the darkness with tears streaming down your eyes, much less did you remember Rosé approaching you. Everything was blank
"Y/n? hey girl, are you feeling okay? Jungkook went inside saying he messed up. What happened?" You tried to say something but nothing would come out, only tears. The shock of those words left you completely speechless and the only thing you wanted was to get out of there. Rosé was joined by Tae, who looked at you with panic and concerned eyes, tried to get close to you but you pushed him and he didn't force it. When you felt calmer, you got up without talking to any of them and went to the bathroom. There, you cleaned the mess on your face and texted your dad if he could come and pick you up. You got an answer within 2 minutes telling you to wait for him outside the club. You left the bathroom and went to the girl who keeps the coats and bags and handed over your ID to get your belongings back when Rosé found you again. "Y/n talk to me, what's wrong with you? What did Jungkook say to make this upset?"
"What did he say? What you never had the courage to tell me. I already understood everything Rosé. Don't worry, it's okay, I'm tired and I want to go home, my father is already on his way so there's no need to worry about my whereabouts. Enjoy it with your friends" As you headed towards the exit, you looked at the counter and you were sure it was Jungkook ordering a drink with Fancy Cathy by his side. Son of a bitch - he ruined your night, turned your head into mush and still comes out on top.
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The next day you woke up with a massive headache. Your phone had ran out of battery and you didn't even bother to plug it. You made it load up, opened the windows and went to take a shower. Your parents had already gone to work, meaning you were on your own.
Your father was very worried about you last night, but you said everything was fine, that your period started and you were in pain and uncomfortable. You don't know if he believed it, but it helped for him not to bring up the subject again.
30 minutes after a nice shower, you wrapped yourself on your towel and got dressed. You glanced at your phone and saw dozens of messages from Rosé and Tae, but nothing from Jungkook. You figured he was too busy fooling around with fancy Cathy to acknowledge the shit he said yesterday. You ignored them all, put your headphones on and decided to tidy up your room, which was a mess. Next week you'd know the answers from the colleges you applied to and if everything went well you'd be far away by the end of September.
4 days passed after that day
Every now and then you'd receive a text from Rosé mostly. From Tae you received two the day after the incident saying "whatever Jungkook said, I'm sorry" and "please don't push us away. Rosé and I are worried about you" None of them ever mentioned Jungkook, nor had he tried to contact you after that. One of those times, you replied to Rosé saying you needed some space and wanted to be alone. Despite everything, she was still your best friend and it wasn't her fault, but Jungkook's words echoed in your head over and over again.
You had finally left your house after being locked up for days. Your mother was working at the animal shelter she used to volunteer and asked you to stop by the grocery store to pick up a few things she needed. 3 p.m and you were wearing black shorts and a gray tshirt and your hair was loose, freshly washed. You had your headphones on and were completely relaxed in Walmart when you saw a familiar figure. You tried to turn around without anyone noticing you, but it was impossible because you immediately felt a hand on your arm. When you turn around, you come face to face with a worried and sad Rosé.
"Please don't run away Y/n. You're killing me with worry and you've distanced yourself from me and I don't even know why." At that moment you felt a pang of guilt- she was right - despite everything, the mess was between you and Jungkook, not anyone else. You bought what you needed and the two of you went for a drink nearby. Even without any need, you were nervous.
"I miss you bestie. What the hell happened that night? I spoke with Jungkook and the only thing he said was how he fucked up and how sorry he was. He disappeared too, Tae has been with him but refuses to let me know what the hell happened and I just feel lost."
The events of that night pass through your memory for the thousandth time. "Jungkook and I were dancing. We were both kinda drunk, he flirted with me and I flirted back, friendly teasing. Then we started getting closer and closer until we were interrupted by the friend who went with us the other day. She messed with Jungkook and I think it dawned on me what was about to happen and I panicked" suddenly you felt tears prying your eyes but you kept talking. "I started thinking about my future plans, our friendship, our goals… about how he behaves when it comes to girls- I don't know, I was afraid of I don't even know what honestly. I ended up telling him I needed some air and he followed me, we argued. I told him we were both drunk and were confusing things and we would regret our actions the next day and it wasn't going to work out between us. He freaked out, but I was honest Rosé. After Josh I never got along with any other male, I don't see things the way he sees them, how he handles female friendships- I was an idiot but so was he"- You took a deep breath- "In the end he agreed we would never work out because he couldn't be with a prude like me and that he only started hanging out with me because you guys had convinced him. Not to mention that Tae was fed up with you constantly being worried about me that you couldn't even fuck, something like that. After half of those words I couldn't think straight and I just wanted to run away from there so I went to the bathroom and asked my dad to pick me up. The end."
Rosé's expression was pure shock. "Y/n that's.... That's not true. I mean yeah me and Tae wanted to introduce you to him but only because we thought you guys would hit off pretty good and in fact you did! It had nothing to do with us fucking- anyway. I am speachless. Peanut, I'm so sorry for this mess, I didn't realize any of that, if only I had seen it coming." Rosé grabbed your hand and squeezed it - "I didn't even notice Jungkook was drinking- I heard him say he'd only be up to water and juice- which is not an excuse- I- Fuck!" she stopped talking for a bit " I spoke with him after you left, he was panicking, saying he messed everything up with you, how he didn't mean to say what he did. Tae went with him to catch some air while I stayed with Catherine, we dropped him home and then he vanished aswell" She didn't say anything else and you weren't interested in knowing more about him either. You know you overreacted that day, but that didn't justify the angry words that came out of his mouth. If you knew, you would never have gone to that damn nightclub.
You and Rosé continued to sit there and after you calmed down, she changed the subject. You already missed being with her like this: with no stress, without worries. Shortly after, you returned home, but not before promising her you wouldn't vanish again without first giving an explanation. Truth to be told, she was always more rational than you.
The rest of the days flew by. You never saw Jungkook again and you also chose not to cross paths with Tae, perhaps out of shame of what he might have heard and what he might know. The good part was that you started doing more for yourself: you joined the gym, you committed to reading more and soon you'd know where you were going to study. You were excited as hell, after everything, you just wanted to get out of that city, meet new people, focus on something other than how Jungkook made you feel that night and how little he cared about you.
He wasn't a bad person and he never gave you reasons to be mad at him and maybe you overreacted that night and were a bit off limits with what you said, but the way you'd see him with different girls would always make you feel tensed up and weird. How could he be with so many girls at the same time? You knew he had a type: all the girls he had been with were so similar to you that you didn't want to be just one more of his conquest.
You were now 19 and still a virgin, always extremely shy and never felt comfortable with guys after Josh so that topic was something you were sensitive about. No one knew other than Rosé-who was way more experienced than you- however she never pressured you into anything, on the opposite, she always encouraged you over the person who was your first, since she had a terrible experience in this aspect. Intimicy was something you found difficult to have with someone else and maybe that's the main reason it'd confuse you how Jungkook could be with so many people at the same time and for them to be alright, you'd never understand that.
He never reached out or would cross patches with you either. Whenever you'd hang out with Rosé and Tae he'd never show up. There was this one time you think you saw him at the same place as you but you panicked so much you didn't get the courage to see if it was really him or not. When you looked back again he wasn't there anymore - maybe it was a mirage- you missed him so much, despite everything, he meant so much for you, he understood you like no other and would always support you no matter what. You never thought your friendship or whatever existed between you would break over something so silly
It had been two weeks since that day. You already knew where you were going to study, in fact college wasn't too far away - 1 hour by car and 30minutes by train, which you could catch sometimes, even though you decided to stay in the dorms, only going back home from time to time. Everything was outlined. Among your hobbies, you had also gotten a part-time job at a cafe that allowed you to earn some money until you went to college. You would only start taking things in mid or late September to start classes in the beginning of October. You were excited - new place, new people - everything meant to be perfect - but you should know not everything goes as we would like and you would be proof of that very soon.
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It was the last week before your classes started and you moved permanently. Together with your parents, you had already gone to visit the room where you'd be staying, taking some things there. Today was also your last day at work, so to celebrate you, Rosé, Tae and some of your co-workers: Jade, Leigh and Jackson went out for dinner, followed by a movie session of the latest horror film that had come out: M3gan 2.0. You were excited and at the same time nervous and nostalgic. You had never left the protective wings of your parents, or even gone to a place where you didn't know anyone. Within a week you were on your own and it was making you anxious, even though you know it's part of the moving process.
You had just finished dinner at McDonald's and were about to buy tickets for the 9 p.m. session, but you needed to go to the bathroom first, which happened to be in the same hallway as the cinema entrance, telling Rosé to buy your ticket while you were there. Two minutes later you were done, washed your hands, checked your makeup and headed towards your friends, when suddenly you felt your phone vibrate inside your bag and you looked down at it, trying to find it. It was only seconds, but that was all it took for you to go against someone
"God I'm sorry. I was distracted and didn't see - " Words failed you as you looked up and saw a face you were all too familiar with. In front of you was Jungkook, with the same bambi eyes and the same piercing in the corner of his mouth, but more robust, even more tattooed and sexy as fuck. After your birthday in July, you never spoke again, you only knew he was now working full time at the tattoo shop and how he'd go out with Tae from time to time, but nothing more- you wouldn't ask and Rosé wouldn't tell you either.
You avoided to know about him or see something on his social media because it hurt how casual he moved on like you didn't matter when you were still stuck on that moment. Every time you thought about those words, the cold look, the lack of interest he had in at least admitting he fucked up, cut you in thin layers 'til this day. Maybe if you guys had spoken, today you could remain friends and put that mistake behind you.
Jungkook's face was tense at the sight of you, pale. You could see he wasn't expecting to see you there and didn't know how to react at your presence. The atmosphere was so heavy you just wanted to disappear from there, so you adjusted your bag, bowed and were ready to move until you heard his voice. It was just then that you noticed yourself holding back tears. "I'm sorry". You were confused and he could tell by your face. You took a deep breath.
"You don't need to apologize, I was the one who accidentally bumped against you." He just looked at you. He didn't know how to respond, there was no way, he knew he had fucked up with those ignorant words that only came out because he was angry, he knew he shouldn't have let you go without making the effort to talk to you, but he didn't have balls to do it, he was rude and used arguments he knew would hurt you and he felt so guilty and ashamed he didn't know how to face you after. When he woke up the next morning he realized the shit he had done, yet it was too late and he was too selfish to take the first step. In his head he'd be fine, you were just someone who had crossed his path and he let go.
Until it wasn't fine... at all
He found himself writing to you a million times and deleting after, every day he'd look over your social media to see what were you up to and every day he'd run past your house, telling himself that it was just a short road to his house, deep down using it as an excuse to see if he would cross paths with you. He would ask Tae about you, however he never gave much away, their friendship was also shaky after the way he used his and Rosé's names to unfairly attack you created some distance and only recently things have started to feel normal again. Now, seeing you in front of him, so beautiful, yet so broken was grinding him inside because he knew he was the one who had taken away the shine you once radiated. He had to say something
"I already know that you managed to get where you wanted. Congratulations Y/n, I'm glad you got what you wanted from the beggining."
"Thank you" you turned your head to look for some of your friends and coming face to face with Jackson waiting for you. "I have to go, I have people waiting for me." when you were ready to return to your group you felt Jungkook's hand on your wrist.
"I know I'm the last person you want to see in front of you and I know it's too late and you probably hate me. Not that it's much help, but I want you to know that I also hate myself for that day. Besides losing someone very important to me I also ruined a special day for you and I'm sorry Y/n, for everything." you felt your face getting wet and with your sleeve you wiped the tears rolling down your cheeks. "
Not that it changes anything but thank you for this, I really appreciate those words." You couldn't say anything else, so you mumbled a "Sorry, I really have to go" and quickened your pace. Today was supposed to be a day where your only concern was to have fun, not end the night crying. At another time you knew Jungkook would be your support. In another time you knew your last days in the city would be with him, but on this very moment you only felt sadness invading your entire being because it wasn't possible. Damn, you just wanted to be in his comfort, between his arms and his warmth, he was the person who made you feel the safest and now you were completely unprotected. You missed him but right now there was no way you could reconnect with each other and maybe that was the best
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First day of school and you were a nervous wreck. A much bigger school than you were used to, with so many different things. You were trying to find the first classroom when a girl bumped into you, someone a little taller than you, light brown hair that almost reached her butt, hazel brown eyes.
"Hello- Hi- sorry, didn't see where I was going." She looked nervous, just like you.
"Hi, it's okay, it happens. First day?"
"Yes and to make it better I don't know anyone or know how and where to find the classroom and I'm going to be late. Did you see how big this is? It's easy to get lost here." You both laughed.
"I know what you're saying. I got into Education - my goal is to be a kindergarden teacher, yours?"
"Oh my God same! does that mean we're in the same class? I'm Alexa by the way."
"Y/n, nice to meet you. So let's go find this classroom or what?"
Alexa was very nice and committed, as well as calm. During the day you also met two more girls: Ivy and Jess. Both Alexa and Jess lived in the city, but you and Ivy, since you were from far away, had rooms close to college and the best thing was that you both actually stayed in the same dorm. That day, when you spoke to your mother and told her you had made new friends and that one of them was luckily your roommate you noticed the calmness in her voice. By the end of the week you already knew college inside out, as well as the buses and trains you had to take.
It didn't take long until Friday arrived and you were waiting for the bus near your dorm. You were going back home to see your parents, since they almost made you promise you would go home at least two or three times a month. When the bus arrived, you chose a seat and put on your headphones to drown out the noise around you until you caught yourself looking at a boy who in turn was already looking at you. You smiled and looked away embarrassed. About five minutes later you felt a tap on your shoulder
"Excuse me, can I sit here?" A blond guy with honey color eyes and a perfect smile planted in his face said. He wasn't very tall, around 1.70m but damn was he attractive. Since you couldn't formulate a verbal response, you just nodded and he smiled and sat down next to you. At first he didn't say anything, but then he started talking to you about college life and how difficult it could be. You found out he had been here for a year, but had switch majors to Economics, so he was repeating his first year again although he had already completed some subjects due to his previous major. The conversation between you was so interesting that before you knew it, you had arrived at the train station.
You thought you wouldn't see him again so soon, but you were surprised to see him get on the same train: curiously, you discovered you lived in neighboring towns, ten minutes apart by car. During your conversation, he seemed interesting and humble and above all, he was going through a complicated process since he had just lost his grandmother a week ago. You had never experienced the pain of such a loss, so you sympathized with his pain, just imagining losing someone so close to you gave you chills. He left before you, so before he got to his stop he asked for your social media and added each other. In your opinion it was still too early for you to give him your number and you didn't even know if you would see him again, but the truth is that you were curious about him.
When you got home, there was a message from him on Facebook and then you started talking every day. At first, you didn't mention it to your mother or Rosé, but both of them noticed your phone wouldn't stop vibrating and you ended up confessing you were meeting someone. Your mother was shocked, but Rosé was a little apprehensive.
"I thought you would be happy to see me talking to someone of the opposite sex" you said jokingly. She sighed.
"And I am, baby. I guess deep down I thought you and Jungkook would turn things around and get over what happened before and get close again. You were perfect together." Since that little encounter a month ago, you haven't seen or spoken to him again. Of course at first you compared Jungkook to Peter, they were the opposite of each other and you missed Jungkook's craziness, but it was time to move on.
"Ohh c'mon Rosé, it was never like that and you know it. We got along so well because I was the only one who could resist his charms from the very beginning. I knew everything about him, the good and the dirt, the girlfriends, conquests, flings, you name it. It never went beyond that, don't be silly." She scoffed
"Ohh Y/n please, you're the idiot one, that guy almost got boners every time you'd walk by. He'd look at you and his eyes would literally lit up, whenever you'd speak he'd be the most attentive one, even if it was the dumbest shit ever! That's why Tae and I were so sure something would happen between you two. I know he felt something for you and it wasn't just friendship."
"If he felt something then why didn't he ever say anything? Why was he always with a different girl? Why did he say he just wanted to enjoy life without thinking about serious relationships? I think you two are the ones who traveled too far and saw things where they didn't exist."
"Because both you and him are stubborn as hell and he knew about your goals and that you were leaving soon or maybe out of fear just like you. It may not seem like it Y/n, but he's more serious than you think and he's very intense. It saddens me that's all, I think you would make a wonderful couple." You didn't say anything else. First you didn't know what to say and second you weren't interested, not anymore.
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You and Peter talked every day and ironically you ended up seeing each other every day either on the bus or when he'd go see you when you finished classes or vice versa. At this point you had already exchanged numbers and were officially dating, life was going well and you were finally starting to be happy again, but nothing lasts forever and what was one of your biggest fears would come true way too soon.
Classes were starting to take a heavy toll on you: lots of work for more than 10 different subjects, group and individual projects and and you were getting into a nervous spiral, time seemed to be running out. It was wednesday, around 7 p.m and you were so envolved on your homework about child development that it took you a while to notice someone was calling you. Looking over to your phone you saw a call from your dad.
"Hey dad, what's up?" It was rare for him tocall you; it was usually your mother.
"Hey honey, how are you?" He had an apprehensive tone.
"I'm fine but you don't seem so well dad, what's going on?" He avoided answering at first and you stopped what you were doing and started walking around the room.
"Baby we need to talk. First of all I want you to try and stay calm, okay? It's about your mother…" The rest of his words were whispers, everything became a blur and before you knew it, you were packing a small bag and heading to the bus stop as fast as you could. From what you could gather from your father's words, your mother wasn't feeling well and started throwing up a lot. At first, they thought it was indigestion, but then she started to feel strong back pain and had difficulty breathing and keeping her balance and he took her to the hospital at her request. She was someone who hated the smell of hospitals so for her to ask to go there was already a red flag.
While you waited to reach your destination, you sent a quick text to Peter saying your mother had felt unwell and you had to leave in a hurry to be close to your dad. A journey that took 30 minutes was taking ages and you could only imagine the worst case scenarios. When you arrived at the station, you took the first taxi you saw and went straight to the hospital where you found your father sitting with his head in his hands.
"Dad- dad, how is mom? Have they said anything? I'm here now, sorry it took so long."
"Your mother is doing tests, I don't know anything yet, baby. Don't apologize, everything will be fine, let's try to stay calm." And you waited for minutes, hours, you couldn't even tell the difference anymore.
Neither you nor your father had eaten and the pain of not knowing anything was killing you. Suddenly you saw a nurse walking towards you and stood up.
"We've just finished all the tests and have confirmed the diagnosis. Mrs. Evans has advanced pancreatitis and is currently on medication. We're waiting for her condition to improve so we can transfer her to a better ward. You can come with me, give her a kiss and collect her belongings, please." You were the first entering the room where your mother was. She had all kinds of devices connected to her: both inside and out, you had never seen anything like it and immediately started crying.
"Please don't cry baby, it's okay, I'll be fine. I want you to remain calm and never give up on your goals. It's late my love, go home with your father, get some rest and don't forget you have classes tomorrow. I love you very much, you're my dream come true. Both you and your father are my life and I'll always take care of you." Her words were weak and you could see the effort she was making to say them.
You kissed her forehead and told her you loved her. Your father came in shortly after and you said goodbye to her along with her belongings: cell phone, glasses and wedding ring. All of this is the sum total of a human being and the memories they carry.
They kept your number in case there was any change in her condition. That night you slept in your father's bed, you couldn't go to your room alone, needless to say you didn't sleep at all that night.
8 a.m and your father called the hospital to find out about your mother's condition and they told him everything was normal. After these words you were able to rest a little until you woke up to the sound of your phone ringing and the number of the hospital you had saved earlier.
10 a.m and you got the worst news. Your mother wasn't responding to the treatment and her organs were failing and if you wanted to say goodbye to her you had to go there immediately, because they didn't know how long she would be able to resist. The world fell apart and everything went numb.
10:45a.m you and you dad were at the hospita. You had dark circles under your eyes and you still hadn't stopped crying while your father tried to stay calm. You arrived at the hospital and the first thing you did was to go to the reception to find something out. Apparently she had been transferred to the ICU and a nurse was coming to guide you. The way there was dark and morbid, you had never felt this emptiness and cold inside you before.
11:22 a.m. a nurse came to you again and looked at you with such sad eyes that she approached you with a glass of water.
"Do you want to go in and say goodbye to her one last time?" You said yes and put on those protective suits, gloves and masks. When you got to her side, you couldn't take it anymore and fell on your knees next to her bed, crying desperately.
"I can't, please get me out of here, I can't." she was pale and cold, breathing with the help of a ventilator that would soon stop working. It wasn't her anymore, it was just a body. The nurse helped you out while your father stayed there a little longer. The last thing you remember was fainting in the nurse's arms.
12:08 p.m - after regaining consciousness, your father took you out to get some air and the two of you sat on a bench.
"We have to eat something, sweetheart."
"Shall we go?" You shook your head, but neither of you moved to the cafeteria, but instead to the waiting room where a doctor came to you minutes later.
"I'm sorry to inform you, but her condition is deteriorating significantly. We can't guarantee how long it will take: it could be hours or it could be a matter of minutes. I'm so sorry."
1.45 p.m and you were still waiting sitting on those sad and lifeless blue chairs. As much as you could, you informed your closest family so that they could be prepared for anything. You were so young, but with such a huge responsibility you wondered how long you'd be albe to hold on. The same nurse who helped you a few hours ago came back to you.
"Do you want to try going in one more time?" You nodded and went back in with your father. This was the last time you were going to see your mother, you had to say goodbye somehow, no matter how much it would cost you. You approached her and took her cold hand. "I know you've been waiting to go, mom. I'm sorry for keeping you locked up here. I know you did everything you could and that you'll always keep an eye out for us. You can go, mom, we'll be fine. Go in peace, just don't forget that I love you very much and I'm sorry I couldn't save you."
2.30 p.m and the doctor responsable for your mother called you and your father into a private room, telling you to sit down. You understood everything. As soon as he said, "I'm sorry," you lowered your head to cry. "We don't understand what happened or why she stopped responding to treatment, but her condition was always very delicate. She never stabilized normally and had very intense peaks. As nurse Adams explained, the situation got worse in the early hours of the morning and to avoid even more suffering we had to put her into a coma." He spoke, but you didn't understand anything.
You were empty inside. You didn't even remember leaving the hospital, all you knew was when you left those diabolical doors, Peter, Rosé, Tae and Jungkook were waiting for you, with tears on their faces. You didn't think much and ran out: not to your best friend, nor to your boyfriend, but to the person who hurt you a while ago: Jungkook: he was the one you needed right now. Jungkook hugged you so tightly that luckily you didn't lose your breath. You cried against his chest and he cried silently for you, affirming that everything was going to be okay and from that moment on nothing would take you both apart.
It's been two long weeks since you lost your mother and you just went back to college. Between organizing the funeral and managing to stay on your feet, at the same time being the only pillar of support for your father who was also trying to cope with the pain of an unexpected loss.
After the funeral, you isolated yourself more at home, trying to find a way to move on. You've been receiving texts from your friends giving you strength, although they're giving you the space they know you need. This whole situation has helped you and Jungkook to end up getting a little closer too, he'd show up at your door with food or suplies Rosé would tell him you needed and he'd buy. Other times he'd cook for you and make you company while your dad had to go work.
You and Jungkook agreed to put things behind and be friends, but never went back to the way they were before, plus now you were with Peter and he was also getting to know someone who frequented his tattoo store often. It's a good thing you moved on, because he did too. You both moved on and learnt from past mistakes and you were just grateful for having him in your life again, slowly going back to normal.
Now about Peter, he has been with you and supporting you a lot too. The fact he also went through the loss of his grandmother not long ago made him more familiar with all these new feelings on your side, making it easier to talk to him. On one occasion, you even told him you weren't going to do anything to end your life, but if it happened you wouldn't care. You still couldn't accept you had lost the person who gave you affection and comfort even if the world was against you. On top of that, you stayed with your father who, like you, was in pieces and dealing with college, paper works and internships was driving you crazy.
A few months passed and you were now in June and almost done with the last semester of your first year of college. On one hand, you felt time had passed quickly, but on the other, you felt that it hadn't passed quickly enough. Your relationship with Peter continued to go well, as did your friendship with Rosé and Tae. As for Jungkook, even though you were on good terms it was never the same as before and as time passed you'd only speak from time to time.
When you returned home you made a point of meeting them all. On one of those meetings, you took Peter with you and to your surprise, when you got close to your friends, Jungkook was also there with his girlfriend- Yes it was official- In one of your visits you heard Tae say Jungkook had made his relationship with Sophia official. At first, you thought it would be like the other times, but when Tae mentioned they had been seeing each other for months, you kept quiet. She had managed to change Jungkook's mind in a matter of months. Now seeing her in person you couldn't deny how gorgeous she was: brunette, tall, honey brown eyes with some tattoos on her body, older than him and richer, a deadly combination. Both attractive and perfect for each other. You already noticed Jungkook has a type since all the girls you saw him with had the same features.
It was awkward at first and you thanked the heavens that Peter wasn't shy like you. He was outgoing and talkative, always had something to talk about and when he didn't he would invent something. Sophia was also chatty and seemed like a good girl deep down. When she wasn't talking, she was snuggled up to Jungkook and sometimes you noticed her eyes darting between you and Jungkook. You just smiled.
What you thought was the best thing that ever happened to you turned into a huge nightmare. You were currently on vacation and wouldn't be back to college until October. You had been with Peter for 9 months now and although everything was perfect at first, you were now starting to have second thoughts. A while ago, you noticed his behavior changing and you met a more controlling, manipulative and demanding Peter. You were constantly receiving texts from him asking what were you doing and where you were and if you didn't answer within 5 minutes, he'd flip. When you were studying for your final exams back in May/ June, you weren't paying so much attention to your phone and your father or roomate would show up next to you with his phone in his hand saying Peter was on the other line to talk to you. Of course, this always led to a lot of arguments.
You hated the fact he thought you had to be there for him the entire time. Then he started to pick on you what you wore: either because it was too short and showed off your curves or because it was too colorful and caught others attention. And finally he got to the point where he also started to get mad when you were out with Rosé and Tae. They didn't like him that much and when these situations started to happen, they hated him even more. Your father had also told you he wasn't the man for you. Yes, your own father thought he was childish and stupid and only accepted him because it was your choice. Embarassing how he saw it before you.
He just didn't pick on Jungkook because he didn't know you two used to be that close hence you'd never mention him before, although that had started to change recently. Truth be told, your mother's death had served as a tool for you and Jungkook to get closer again. It had started with small texts here and there asking if you were okay and how you were managing all of it. Little by little you started hanging out with the group again and although it was weird at first, little by little it started to feel like the old days. Until this one day when you had gone to Target to buy some things and in the same aisle you saw Jungkook. At first he didn't see you, but when he looked up he recognized you and came over to you, talked for a while and when you were about to say goodbye he invited you for a coffee. You were embarrassed to admit time with Jungkook had passed so quickly and you didn't even noticed it, something you didn't feel with Peter, whenever you were with him you wanted to leave.
From that day on, you and Jungkook had started hanging out and talking more. He said his girlfriend didn't care and wasn't jealous, that she also went out with her friends. On the other hand, you hid these little hang outs with Jungkook from Peter because you knew it would cause unnecessary mess. You often confided in Jungkook about your relationship, that it wasn't working out and you didn't know how to get out of it, because he had helped you so much and you were feeling ungrateful for even thinking about ending it.
Peter was also your first, even though he was an idiot about it. You were honest with him about everything related to sex and he always respected you on that. One day you were at his house and were making out and things were evolving very quickly until he stopped and suggested for you to go to the bathtub. When you asked him why, he simply replied
"Since it's your first time, you're going to bleed and to avoid dirtying the sheets it's better to go to the bathtub, because it's easier to clean"
When you heard that, you instantly lost your excitement and felt ridiculous. You slapped him so hard your hand left a mark on his face, and left. Stupidly, you ended up forgiving him a couple weeks later, after a lot of work on his part. A short time later, he prepared a romantic dinner and that's when you lost your virginity, however, it wasn't what you expected at all- he was insensitive and rough. He taught you how to suck his dick but didn't want to eat you out because it was "disgusting." He didn't wait until you were wet enough to start the act, which ended up hurting you terribly. It lasted 2 minutes and then he got dressed and went out for a smoke. You swore to yourself if sex was always like this, you'd never want to have it again.
It was the first and last time you did it
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It was Jungkook's birthday and your group of friends had planned to go out. You and Peter were going through (another) rough time so you didn't even invite him. You had planned to go to St. Pierre, a nearby restaurant with affordable prices and excellent food. You, Rosé and Tae were already there when Jungkook arrived with Sophia, holding hands and smiling. Every now and then you forgot that he was a committed guy. They greeted everyone and sat next to each other. My goodness, they were really perfect together, you could tell there was stability in their relationship by the way they acted, the way they spoke and you felt sad for a moment. Damn, you had been through so much and you hadn't even had any luck in love. You got so lost in your thoughts that you only realized it when you felt a light kick and realized it was Jungkook calling your attention, with a worried look while the others remained excited in their conversation. You smiled at him and nodded to assure him you were fine.
After dinner, you went to a bar. Although you were enjoying the atmosphere, you couldn't help but feel a little out of place. Everyone was in couples and happy while you were alone, feeling like you didn't belong. Everyone was dancing and you informed Rosé you were going for a drink, ordered something and went to get some air on the terrace. You picked up your phone and found a ton of texts from Peter - you didn't reply to any of them.
"Is everything okay?" You were surprised to see Jungkook next to you, also with a drink in his hand.
"You scared me Jk" you laughed "Yes, everything's fine, it was very hot inside and the night is amazing so I came here for a bit" He leaned on the railing and rested his arms on it
"You're acting weird. As much as you want to hide it I know you pretty well, I know when something isn't right. Is it Peter?" You sighed and imitated his position.
"That too. I'm tired and I don't even know why. I see everyone around me having fun, living life and being truly happy and I wonder what I did wrong to not be able to enjoy things without feeling bad or guilty for just living. Fuck, look at me. A place full of couples and here I am alone because my boyfriend only does shit and we are more often mad at each other than we are actually happy." You hadn't realized, but the distance between your body and his had gotten smaller. How? No idea. He had turned around and was now leaning his back against the railing, his arms still resting on it, looking at you.
"Sometimes things aren't as they seem. People are actors and those around them only see what they want them to see. I know this first hand" You were going to ask what he meant by that, but stopped when you felt his hand on your shoulder "Break up with him Y/n. If he doesn't make you happy, if he doesn't do you any good leave him. You deserve much more than living with someone who is always criticizing and hurting you."
"Jungkook I..." you couldn't finish your sentence because behind you you heard a throat rumbling and that's when you remembered: Sophia. You quickly turned around to see a confused Rosé.
"You were taking too long so I came to see if everything was okay. Jungkook, Sophia was looking for you, she just went to the bathroom to touch up her makeup." Jungkook nodded and without saying anything looked at you, then at Rosé and went inside. Few seconds later she spoke
"What are you doing peanut? He's dating! As unhappy as you are, don't involve other people. It took a lot for Jungkook to finally meet someone decent and Sophia is actually a good girl and is good for him. Don't ruin your friendship like last time, please."
"Are you crazy? Rosé, you know I'd never do anything to hurt him, who do you think I am? What a shitty thing to say" however you knew what she meant and you couldn't get mad at her because deep down she said what you really felt: Jungkook made you nervous and confused and when you were with him you couldn't help but feel special, to the point to forget he had a girlfriend, a serious relationship and you had someone too, even if it's bad. Sophia was good to Jungkook, they were great together and everyone noticed, even you. That doesn't mean you didn't feel a pang of jealousy: everything you wanted was there, but far far away from you.
You had reached your limit
Once again you and Peter were having a huge argument, this time because you were wearing shorts and a black shirt that were a little too tight for your body. Your father always told you were better than that and you knew he was right and it was time to do something to change that.
There were two weeks left until you started your second year of college and you decided to take advantage of this time with your father and go visit your grandparents. For Peter, it was a tragedy you hadn't taken him and even more so when you refused to go on vacation with him to visit your family. In the end, you were just gaining a little more courage to end things. After Jungkook's birthday, you had met up one more time, two days later at the usual place. All your friends were there and you ended up mentioning that since it was almost time for you to return to college life, you were going to enjoy the rest of your time in your grandparents house. Everyone said they were going to miss you but Jungkook asked how long you were going to be away. Rosé and Tae tried to change the subject as they noticed Sophia's gaze on him and then on you. It was a simple question, but it created some tension there. You didn't see fury in her eyes nor could you grasp what kind of feelings that look conveyed.
You were the first to leave, insisting you still had things to pack and organize before leaving and you hugged them all one by one. When it was Jungkook's turn you smiled, there was no need to say anything. He also hugged you tightly, caressing the back of your head and thanked you for being part of his life again. Finally it was Sophia's turn and she had half smile on her lips and opened her arms to say goodbye. You approached her "Thank you for taking care of Jungkook and for doing so much for him" she looked at you with a smile and hugged you even tighter.
She really was a good vibe and if he was happy then so were you
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It's been 3 days since you got to you grandparents house and you felt like home. In here you felt a huge presence of your mom lingering around. Your first night there you cried with your grandmother, you could have lost a mother but she lost a daughter and it was being infernal for everyone. One thing you noticed about grief was that it felt like a rollercoaster: You could be fine for days, maybe weeks and then one day you'd wake up and couldn't get out of bed.
It also helped define your relationship with Peter. You weren't happy and he was becoming increasingly toxic, so you decided to put an end to the relationship. You thought you would feel bad, but you discovered in the end the only feeling you felt was relief. Although you know he will ask you for another chance and will run into you at college, things will work out better this way, at least for you.
It was the third night and you received a text from Jungkook asking how were you and you still hadn't answered. As time went by, you began to realize Jungkook didn't belong in your past and seeing him with Sophia broke your heart little by little and although you were happy that he was okay, you knew this whole situation was partly your fault. If you hadn't been a coward and run away that night, maybe the girl in his arms right now would be you and not her. You were in the middle of whether to answer or not when you moved your finger and it accidentally clicked the call button. You mentally facepalmed yourself and were about to hang up when he answered. Fuck
"H- hi. I'm sorry I didn't mean to call."
"Ohh" silence "It's okay, I'm glad you did though, how are you?" You did pause on that question. You weren't okay at all, but you didn't want to be talking about it with him.
"I'm fine I guess. You?" you heard a dry laugh on the other side
"You're a terrible liar smarty pants, you know that right?" You mentally hit yourself "you can be honest with me, I've told you that so many times. You don't have to pretend with me"
"I'm trying to be okay but it takes time you know. I love being here with my grandparents and my dad, yet I have too many memories of my mom and it's drowning me. That and… well, I broke up with Peter" you heard a throat clearing.
"Did- did you really break up? Did he do something to you?"
"Yes, we broke up. There was no way back, the way he sees life and the way I see it are completely different. Besides, he was becoming more and more possessive and manipulative and I wasn't well anymore. I let myself be out of convenience maybe. Stupid, I know, but I felt alone and he understood how I felt about the loss of my mother and… I don't know- I think it was more because of that, because deep down I always knew we had no future together."
"We need to do a lot of shit to finally see what we have in front of us and find the right person"
"You're speaking for yourself aren't you? for someone who didn't want any kind of serious connection to anybody, you and Sophia are getting along really well." a brief pause "I'm really happy for you guys, everyone can tell you're happy and I have to thank her. Somehow she managed to change something in you, that's a huge deal already. I'm glad you found someone who motivate you to take risks and settle down." There was a brief silence until Jungkook said
"Yes, I think so. There are people who come into our lives to show us something, right?"
"Exactly. Like me and Peter," you laughed, "he definitely came into my life to show me that bad things never come alone. That and the fact now I'm even more sure of what I don't want in my life. Anyway, sorry to bother you so late at night, it really was an accident and I don't want to interfere in your life, it's better to hang up before Sophie gets upset."
"She won't, don't worry. Besides, I'm glad you called. Enjoy your time at your grandparents' and don't forget to give signs of life from time to time in your busy student life." You said goodbye and hung up the phone. It was in those moments you realized how much you missed Jungkook, because only he knew the right way to calm you down and cheer you up. Even if you don't want to admit it, you envy Sophia. She was able to change his view on relationships and you end up imagining what could have happened if you had been the one to give him that opportunity. Back then you were still very childish and had a lot to live and learn in life and Jungkook had a lot of growth to do too, even though there's always that "what if" question thing. "What if things were different?" Now Jungkook already had his other half
And how sad you felt about that
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