#jeff!!!

Happy to say that the fic was awesome 🦅🦅🦅🦅

Sorry for the balding btw

Your new hairstyle looks great teehee 🤡

Grieving as in im shaving you bald for that ending

💇🪒👹

Get balded loser /affectionate + I’m going thru the 5 stages of griefings so pls be mindful of the balding

💕

With love and an arts and crafts scissors, Jeff

AHBHABAHAH IM CRYING THIS IS SO FUNNY

I'm sorry, Jeff. Refrain from making a voodoo doll, I beg! I will do my best to make it up to you, gahahah!

FOREWORD INCOMING !!    CURRENTLY accepting !!   valentine's day  from   @onlyfiends ( jeff )

jeff is an interesting chaos creature. intelligent in a way that feels instinctive rather than studied, bright eyes tracking everything with cheerful curiosity. he has no concept of fear, and perhaps he does not need one. it would only take him a second to open that wide mouth, swallow her whole, and send her spiraling into some pocket dimension tucked neatly behind rows of impossible teeth. a place not unlike her own beginnings. and she would have no recourse but to endure it.

the thought does not frighten her. it simply exists.

he nudges the card toward her with the blunt tip of his snout, tail swishing hard enough to thump against the floor. the paper is slightly bent from teeth that do not understand delicacy. she takes it carefully, holding it between long fingers, examining the drawing printed on the front.

he looks cute upside down in the illustration, all rounded lines and exaggerated grin. it is absurd. it is endearing.

her mouth softens despite herself.

she reaches out and gives him a small pat on the head, fingers pressing lightly between his eyes before smoothing back once over smooth skin. the gesture is cautious but fond.

he's jeff!!! he's like. i don't know. he parked the bus in the middle of the intersection and it's not his problem. if you didn't want him to do that then why did you give him the keys? he's jeff! you knew what you were getting into. in my head he looks like this?

“Well, Dr. Evers, I certainly am glad you’ve decided to take a position with us,” Dr. Winifred Forrest said with a bright smile, extending a hand to the man. He shook it.

“The pleasure is all mine, Dr. Forrest. I’ve been looking for a challenge as of late.”

“You’ve come to the right place, then. Now, first and foremost, while we house the criminally insane, this is a hospital. I am here to make them into decent members of society, and so are you. Treat them with the same level of respect as you would treat me.”

Yeah, right. “Of course.”

“Excellent. Now, if you will please excuse me, it’s almost 2:22, and Harvey Dent’s got an appointment with me. I’ll send an orderly down for the main tour.”

She excused herself and left the room, heels clicking a steady rhythm.

It hadn’t been two minutes before a red-haired man poked his head in.

“Hey there. Have you seen Dr. Forrest?”

“She’s got an appointment with Two-Face.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot. Are you the new guy?”

“…Yes.”

“Oh boy,” the other man said, entering the room and placing himself on top of the desk. “Boy, do you have a lot to learn or what.”

“I beg your pardon? And get off the desk, please. You’ll get dirt on it.”

“Aw, you only care because you’re trying to boot Forrest out of her position. Resistance is futile, good sir. She’s not going anywhere, I can tell you that right now.”

“She’s too young to run an institution of criminals.”

“Hey, she’s turned out a solid 30% of inmates into the public who are doing exceedingly well. The costumed ones are a different story, but what can you really do with limited funds.”

“It matters not, some changes will be made. I’ll see to it myself.”

“Who’s going to help you, the staff?”

“Of course. I can tell they aren’t her biggest fans.”

The redhead started laughing.

“You’re hilarious, you know that? Good for you, maybe she’ll put you on Joker’s rotation. Listen, Dr. Forrest will happily put herself on the line to save one orderly. Try and end up next to her during a riot.”

“She’s only five-foot-four.”

“And she could kick your ass without breaking a sweat.”

“Excuse me?”

“Dude, don’t try her. She’s all sugar and spice in public and to the inmates, but don’t piss her off. She’ll skin you alive.”

“I don’t-“

“You ever hear of Hannibal Lecter? The cannibal, half of the Murder Husbands, psychopathic to the extreme?”

“…Yes.”

“She’s a lot like him. Except the cannibalism part, she’s vegan. Or so she claims.”

Finally, Evers had had enough. He rose from his chair.

“Would you just show me around and stop attempting to frighten me?”

“Oh, I’m not an orderly. I’m just a journalist. Alfred Chilton-Lounds, Gotham Gazette,” he said with a flourish and gesture.

“Why are you commandeering her office?”

“Because my sister loves me enough to let me crash here.”

“She’s your sister?”

“Twins. I’m ten minutes older.”

“And yet I’m still the mature one,” sounded a sneer from the doorway. Evers jumped out of his chair and turned to find the doctor in question with blood splattered across her crisp blue blouse.

“My God! Do you need some-“

“Alcohol? That’d be super. Alfred, did you leave a glass in Harvey’s cell?”

“No, I haven’t seen him in two months. How’s he doing?”

“Dissociating from reality. I thought I ordered his dosage upped last week.” She marched over to the desk and buzzed into the intercom.

Yes, ma’am?

“Jeff, who was on duty last week in Harvey’s wing?’

Harris, ma’am.

“Thanks, Jeff. Get his ass in here in five minutes or it’s his job.”

Will do.

She ended the call and snapped the pen she’d been holding in half.

“I’m increasing bed checks. Can’t have another ‘fountain pen’ incident.”

Another man, but this one in an orderly’s outfit, came racing in and out of breath.

“Yes, Dr. Forrest, can I help you?”

“Harvey Dent’s medication was to be upped last week. It was on his chart. Would you care to explain why it has remained the same?”

“No ma’am,” he answered quietly.

“And why did he have a glass shard in his room?”

“His lawyer was in two days ago and Two– I mean, Mr. Dent, he threw it at the man. You were attending to Mr. Crane.”

“Why wasn’t I informed afterwards?”

“We thought he calmed down.”

“Obviously not, considering he smuggled a piece of glass back to his cell and just tried to slice my throat. Now listen to me, Harris, you’re still here because I am understaffed as is. I personally don’t care that you’re banging the nurse assigned to the East Wing, but if you’d like to keep both of your jobs, I suggest keeping it at home. If this ever happens again, I won’t even fire you. I’ll put you in Joker’s rotation, how does that sound?”

Scared silent, he didn’t say anything, just shuffled his feet and started breathing harder. Evers stared at Dr. Forrest’s cold face, a fleck of blood smeared by her lip.

“Dr. Forrest, whose blood is that?”

“Does it matter to you, or are you just looking for reasons to depose me from my position?” she said sweetly. His jaw dropped.

“How stupid do you think I am? And you start now, if you still want the job. You’re going to talk Harvey back into reality.”

“Me?! Why-“

“Because you’re a better doctor than me, apparently. Now get out of my office, all of you. That includes you, Alfie.”

He slid off the desk with a grin and followed Evers and Harris out the door, when he grabbed the doctor’s shoulder.

“Hey doc, here’s a tip: ask her about that scar on her collarbone.”

“Alfred Chilton-Lounds, if you keep talking, I’ll cut out that tongue and feed it to you.”

“See? Violent. Oh, and ask her about her wife, she loves that.”

“ALFRED.”