#jeeptim

That is today’s date.

Uncle Jeep Tim keeps track of the days of the year the way others may keep track of their belly button lint or edible undergarments.

Uncle jeep time is fond of this day, because 4 divided by 20 is 0.2 and 20 divided by 4 is 5.  5 Times 0.2 = 1 and that is the loneliest number.  So therefore April 20th is the loneliest day of the year.  

Now 4/20 at 4:20 a.m. *(military time confuses matters) that is an especially lonely time.  Also if you are into drugs that is a strange time to be smoking them you must be a lonely soul.

It’s a weed Holiday, smoke em if you are still using an apparatus that creates smoke, otherwise vape em if you got ...em?

Let me leave you with a field guide for identifying birds, because that is a good activity for a day like today.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...it was Uncle Jeep Time.

The carriage was carrying precious cargo that evening as it crested bandits notch.  The horses whinnying under the added weight of Uncle Jeep Tim & his associates.  He had been on the road many days & many nights, moonlighting in small villages, hamlets, and roadside inns, like a ship at sea with many ports of call, but with no intention of reaching any sort of destination.

A man without a purpose, he had come unglued, looking for some meaning in an otherwise meaningless life.  Drowning his sorrows in whiskey and poorly outfitted rooms, how long was he to drift about the countryside with no direction?  Why was this what his life had become?

The beating of horse hooves rapidly approaching the carriage broke him from his loathsome reverie.  “WHAT SAY YOU, DON’T COME ANOTHER METER CLOSER, I OUGHT TO  BLAST YOUR CAP OFF WITH MY BLUNDERBUSS” Uncle Jeep Tim Screamed from atop the carriage bench.  Finger on the trigger, itching for some excitement in his life, he half-hoped it was a bandit.

“Tis but a courier” crowed one of Uncle Jeep Tim’s colleagues from within the cabin.  He had a better vantage point as he peered round the back with lantern glinting off the dusky trail behind them.  

“INNIT A LITTLE LATE FOR A COURIER OUT HERE” Bellowed Uncle Jeep Tim half choking on his own saliva.  The courier had dismounted his horse and was cautiously approaching with his hands up and outstretched with letter clearly visible.  

The courier was covered head to toe in mud & his horse was half-spent from being pushed to the breaking point.  Whatever was in this letter must have been of the utmost importance.  Someone was willing to risk a perfectly good courier & an even better horse to ensure this message was delivered post-haste.

Uncle Jeep Tim climbed down from atop the carriage, and brusquely snatched the letter from the couriers trembling hand.  Owing to the pint of bourbon he had consumed since their last stop and acting without tact he gnashed the letter open with his teeth.  

The mangled letter held in Uncle Jeep Tim’s filthy hands read “Recalled To Life”.

For you see even in the most tumultuous tempest, there is the briefest respite from the storm, and the captain must make a decision that will either sink the ship or right it and stay the course.  

In this case Uncle Jeep Tim was needed, whether he knew his purpose or not, so long as the world continues to turn there will be a need for him. 

This weeks article will be brought to you by my Father.  He suffers from Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease.  As he gets older, he calls me more frequently.  So much so that there is no way I can answer the phone every single time he calls.  As annoying as this is, I know that he is probably not aware that he has dialed me numerous times already that day.  I’m not seeking sympathy, my father was never really “with it” to begin with.  We are probably closer & have a better relationship now then we ever did.

The gold that has come of this is with modern technology, google takes it upon itself to translate his words into text, so that I can read what he has left me for a voicemail rather than listen to the 1 to 3 minute long voicemails that he leaves EVERY SINGLE TIME.  I would assume he forgets he is leaving a voicemail and just carries on a dialogue without any need for response.

Without further ado I give you.  My father, speech to text.

Hello, Cuckoo Clock, Missouri.  I just wanted to see a call and see how much more snow that we’ve got the new have.  Yeah Slow baby inches.  Easy and start snowing around midnight and then stopped today.  So that’s about it.  So what are you going to do?  Are you going to get the LED out of your ass?  A what? These kids man.  Hes only yeah.  I don’t think I dont think I wont Chevron though.  I don’t think I’ll pass that.  So anyway, you are. give me a give me a call or I’ll give you a call back and I’ll see how much work is done so far.  Yeah.  Okay I’m sorry.  I love you.  You know, I’m just joking.  Yeah we’ll see you in the funny papers.

Hey Josh, It’s Tiffany again.  I just tried calling you, but before lunch time.  This is showing everybody there.  You’re nice. parrot No, it’s really beautiful.  Yeah, I’ll try getting ahold of you.  It runs that down or whatever or something after supper be better.

Hey Josh.  How you doing tonight?  dinner tonight Yeah.  OK Google Martian he was the president call me back.  anyway But you go.  

Is this your father?  Try to get ahold of you last night some strange reason it wouldn’t go through.  Anyways.  Nice Day.  Nice to meet you soon.  Nice to me one more number.  No, they’ve been.  See a few more Winx.  I don’t know. The weather Channel what this but I’ll go from there.

Hey Josh.  Yeah, it’s just me Daddy.  Oh, yeah, all I can tell you this just Detroit he trying to get a hold of me there.  Yes yesterday before I got a hold of him.  

Hey Josh, it’s just me.  I don’t know what the scoop is a despairing out serve breakfast and and it’s your on your own.  Thank you know that your York Resume you’re taking the wild manager go to the weather.  I don’t blame you.  Don’t blame you at all.  So you get a chance or just me a for supper tonight.  I’ll driving in the hold of you.  and go from there.  So no one can do right?

Hey Josh, it’s Rob.  I was just giving you a call.  I have a Time.  Maybe you’re not at home.  So should be pretty exciting.  You talk to you in a bit.   Not home left a message.

Yes Joe, talk with you later.

Hey Josh.  It’s your dad.  Yeah, I had a spare moment there.  So. Figured Id give you a quick give you a call.  And around Lunch time.  Yeah, 2012.  Yeah, we’ve meal.  Facebook thanks for change for the better.  glass glass for 5 days.  Yeah.  So give me a call when you either.  I’ll either call you.  Give me a call sometime.  Okay. and What you want to the fat?  You know what I mean?  Yeah. So you A little bit to hear from you and Lord knows what we’ll do.  

Ohhh remember Reagan?  I havent do that I tried one time so ASCO Cheryl.  She’ll have to wait.  Yeah you don’t have to. Well Who you calling?  I don’t even know the number.

What’s the Snow? I see you’re not.  I still come over this damn phone better your mother was left over.  Yep, earlier today.  and that’s what this thing and Roman Quinn said goodbye to McDonald’s. Anyway it was a nice day.  A chance to to her I’m going to find out if your time. Going to get this the same people who say they have to have all your furniture.  You don’t have it is not available van so call Geico.  Find them tomorrow if it’s raining.  boy isn’t for Daniel a Doula.