#jasonette

BINGO! John Constantine!

John takes Marinette on as an apprentice due to her magical infinity and lack of a teacher with Fu getting magic amnesia. And, of course, he gets attached to the girl!

Bonus points if it's an au where the class "all" believes Lie-la.

Somehow, she meets the league, and there's the usual shenanigans of John being soft and Mari being a little shit(tm).

And a little Maribat sprinkled in to drive both B and John insane :)

Preferably Damianette or Jasonette (they're my fav...), but Tim works too (they fuel eachothers coffee addictions)

But with Tim my bf suggested ""the best friends so close no one can tell if they're actually dating or not" 'cept Jay, of course."

Will I write this?... maybe, don't get your hopes up, I've already got Paint the City Red I'm working on.

Can someone else write this? YES! Please tag me!!!! Or link the fic!!!!

The Miraculous team was supposed to be a curveball, a secret weapon for the Bats, something to knock him off balance.  Far from disorienting him, it seemed like he had anticipated their presence, thrived on it, especially where Ladybug was concerned.  It was more like it was a game for him, distracting the Bats and Miraculous team, all in an attempt to gain Ladybug’s attention.

Never touching her or letting her get injured… just those around her.  In fact, he’d protected her from rubble and redirected weapons a few times, directly at her teammates, like a serial killer leaving presents for his obsession.  She shuddered involuntarily and leaned into Chat’s side, letting him wrap an arm around her.

“This must be your wet dream,” Red Hood grunted examining the fresh tears in his jacket.  He easily pushed three fingers through one and wiggled them with an annoyed sigh.  He had liked this jacket, but this was a bit too substantial of a hole to easily fix up.  “Going up against Chaos.  This is like your dream opponent.  You certainly seem to be his.”

“Not exactly,” she hummed. She cocked her head to the side and watched his fingers calculatingly.

“Although an opponent who doesn’t want to harm one of us is pretty novel in our experience,” Carapace noted lightly.  He turned toward her with a suddenly serious expression, his goggles askew on his face from his own previous run in.  “Next time can it be me they don’t want to hurt?”  He moved easily and with a grin when she pushed him away by his face.

“Any insights that might help us here, Princess?  You’re made to oppose him, right?  You’re literally created,” Hood let out a small chuckle, “to fight him.  He’s your perfect opposite.”

“Excuse you!” Chat interjected his voice laced with affront, though which part of the statement he objected to, or all of it, was unclear.

Nightwing sighed heavily and stepped between them, but it was Ladybug that spoke.  “Let’s focus on our little thief, please, before he figures out how to use the miraculous he stole and becomes a problem.  Also, you,” she pointed to Hood, “don’t get to call me Princess.”

Chat nodded in support and pulled her back into his side.  Carapace stepped up to Ladybug’s other side and gently prodded the back of his head with a grimace.  “I’d say he’s already leveled up to Problem level.”

She shot him a flat look.  “Before he hits Real Problem level then.”

“Agreed,” Nightwing nodded toward her.  “We need a new plan.  Clearly, the old one is not working.”

“Whatever plan we make, I vote we let Ladybug take the lead,” Carapace smirked and resettled his goggles over his eyes and adjusted his slightly singed hood.

Ladybug snorted and shook her head.  “Harsh, but fair,” Chat nodded sagely.  “Take some of the focus off of us.”

“Or maybe you should just get better, develop some skills instead of throwing your teammate out there to take the brunt of the damage,” Hood growled.  He stepped up to Carapace, toe to toe, chest to nose as Hood glowered down at him in a move that had proven to make hardened criminals shiver.  Carapace, while not a criminal, shivered and backed away.  Red Robin, however, only raised an amused eyebrow.

“Back off, Hood,” Ladybug snapped.  “His skills are not in question.  My team is solid, skilled, and strategic.  It’s a good plan,” she continued.  Her fire only slightly lessened from Chat squeezing her shoulder.  “I can keep his focus while…”

Her plan was cut short a fireball cut through the group, headed directly toward Chat.  Red Robin dove toward him, shoving him to the ground milliseconds before the ball reached the space he had just stood.  Chat stared at the charred remains of the impact site.  “What the…”

“Hell was that?” Ladybug finished for him, attempting to crawl out from under Hood with a dark glare that froze when a high-pitched cackle echoed through the room.  She immediately snapped her head away, eyes scanning the room for the source of the sound.  Getting up suddenly skyrocketed in priority, made more difficult by what she swore was Hood tightening his grip on her.  She turned her glare back toward him but turned away again almost immediately as an eerie voice floated into the room.

“Well, isn’t this just so cozy.”

Chat, Nightwing, and Carapace sprung up, closing ranks around Ladybug, who attempted to get up with them, but was again met with resistance.  She shoved Hood again, using considerably more force than she had anticipated needing to get him to let go.  He only rolled back a bit rather than shooting across the room’s distance like she was accustomed to opponents doing when she used that much force, much to her annoyance.

She opened her mouth to chastise him for acting like she was a damsel in distress, the weakest member of the team, needing to be coddled.  Like she was a weakness to them.  But the objection died on her lips when Klarion himself finally made an appearance, strolling through one of the doorways, his familiar winding his way around his legs, and an energy ball casually tossed from hand to hand.

“I almost hate to interrupt such a heartwarming scene.”  He sneered the word like he was witnessing an abomination.  Teekl sat down to his left, his blue eyes narrowing in disgusted judgement in the way only cats can. He meowed, somehow managing to make it sound like a condemnation.  “Yes, Teekl,” Klarion nodded, “almost.”

“Hand back the bracelet,” Nightwing commanded.  His hand stretched out toward Klarion who stared at it derisively.

“Put your hand down, moron,” Hood hissed at him.

Klarion hummed and looked around the room as though searching for an answer.  “No.  I don’t feel like it.”  He turned his head to stare at Ladybug, his beady eyes running up and down the length of her, analyzing every millimeter of her, every muscle, every twitch, every strength and weakness.  “I’m not done playing yet.”

He walked further into the room, Teekl trailing a step behind.  “I so rarely get to play like this.  My perfect opposite.  My counterpart.  My weaker counterpart,” he stressed the word to make sure everyone in the room understood the implication.

“So strong,” he praised, the condescension in his voice causing it to fall flat.  “Except when it comes to me.  Your only weakness, aren’t I?”  He continued tossing the ball as he cased their expressions, his smile becoming more deranged as he looked from one to the next.  “She didn’t tell you?”

Hood growled and jumped to his feet, moving toward Klarion in the same movement.  “I know you like to hear your own voice, but nobody else does.  Can we finish this please?”

Klarion wrinkled his nose.  “I don’t know why you insist on surrounding yourself with such banal simpletons.”  He accentuated the final ‘s’ hard, the only sign he was about to act before he threw the energy ball, straight at Hood’s chest.  “Shelter!” Carapace screamed, the barrier appearing just in front of the energy ball.  It lit up like a firework as the energy ball collided into it, the energy dissipating into the barrier, enforcing it, strengthening it.

Hood stared at the barrier for a few seconds, his pulse dropping slowly as his eyes traced the barrier, following its edge as it flowed back in a dome enclosing Klarion and his familiar.  He nodded toward Carapace but focused his watchful gaze on Klarion.

“Does this mean I get to kick you off a building now?” Carapace grinned at Hood.

“No,” he scowled, never looking away from Klarion, “but ask again and I might do it to you.”  He settled his hands on the guns strapped to his thighs, more as a familiar stance than a threat since they had already proven to be less than effective against Klarion or his little ginger shadow.

Chat stepped closer to the barrier.  “Why didn’t we do that earlier?”

“Careful,” Nightwing warned him shooting a hand out to pull him back.

“What’s he going to do?” Carapace scoffed.  “He’s cornered.  There’s no escape.  The magic is infallible.  Nothing can get out through the barrier.  What’s he going to do, teleport?”

Ladybug let out a breath, her shoulders relaxing almost imperceptibly at his words, yet remained taut, ready for the confrontation Klarion’s eyes promised, beady eyes that had not left hers since the barrier appeared.  He cocked his head to the side and smiled.

It was such an eerie thing on his young features, she almost missed his hand lifting to expose the bracelet resting on his palm.  His grin widened as he placed it very slowly, very particularly in his vest pocket and patted it.  Once safely in his pocket, his hands moved rapidly, creating a portal behind him that he jumped through at the same time as Teekl, as though they had planned it, both disappearing instantly.

Ladybug jerked forward but stopped instantly.  “How confident are we that that thing is real?” she asked hesitantly, having been burned by Klarion’s illusions before.  She walked around the perimeter of the barrier, her eyes narrowed in calculation. 

“We aren’t,” Nightwing answered his voice heavy with an implied command to stay.  “We likely can’t be certain unless we drop the barrier.”

“No,” Hood answered instantly.  “We aren’t dropping our only defense.”

Red Robin cocked his head and quirked his lips.  “Does it look like it’s getting smaller?”

Ladybug’s head whipped toward the portal.  “Shit!”  She moved and disappeared through the portal before any of them could blink.

“Son of a bitch,” Hood growled and jumped after her, having to contort his body to fit through just as it closed.

The four remaining heroes stared at the empty air where a golden light had been just moments before.  Chat slowly turned to Carapace.  “You had to open your big mouth,” he chastised.  He tried to be stern, but his fatigue showed in his tone.

“How was I supposed to know he could teleport!” Carapace exclaimed.  He motioned haphazardly toward where the portal had been.

“He’s magic,” Nightwing pointed out flatly, staring at Carapace as though the connection was obvious.

Carapace, however, did not appear to agree with the assessment.  “And?” he demanded and motioned toward himself.  “I’m magic.  I can’t teleport.”

“Be a lot cooler if you could,” Red Robin grumbled.  “And a lot more helpful.”

“Not as much as you would think, actually,” Carapace answered leaning in with a serious expression like he was passing on a deep secret.

Chat’s eyes still hadn’t strayed from the empty air where Ladybug had disappeared.  “You know, if Hood fit through, we definitely could have, too,” he noted grudgingly.  “Rena is going to kill us.”

Carapace turned to him, eyes wide.  “And risk it closing on me as I go?  No thank you.  I would like to survive to see my kid, thank you very much.  So would A… Rena.  She’ll be just fine with me not pursuing.”

“How did they even get through in the first place?” Red Robin asked.  He motioned randomly around them.  “Was the forcefield not actually there?”

Carapace’s jaw dropped and he gasped in offense.  “Of course it was real.  Rena does the illusions.  I do the protecting.  I was keeping him and all his magic in.  I wasn’t worried about keeping us out.”

“Huh.”  Red Robin’s eyes came into sharp focus.  “You can control that?  Like, you can…”

“Right,” Nightwing cut in loudly.  He glared at Red Robin, disappointment rolling off him, which only intensified when Red Robin shrugged off the disappointment.  “The important question is, how do we get to them?  You know, since you can’t teleport and all.”

Carapace’s eyes shot to Chat quickly and back to Nightwing.  “We do have a way we could possibly teleport,” he acknowledged hesitantly.

Red Robin stared at him, eyes becoming increasingly incredulous, until he couldn’t keep it in anymore and snapped.  “You literally just said…”

“But it doesn’t matter,” Chat cut in sharply.  “If we don’t know where to go.”

“And we don’t have that miraculous,” Carapace grumbled just loud enough for the three of them to hear just in case there was some lingering monitor.

“Even if we could manage to arrange it,” Chat continued over Carapace, “we don’t know where to teleport to and that’s kind of an important part of the teleport process.  Unless you know where we should teleport to…”  He looked at them expectantly.

Red Robin opened his mouth quickly then closed it slowly.  “No.  Maybe there is a way to trace the magic?”  He pursed his lips.  “You can’t like triangulate her position, or like, she doesn’t emit a beacon or something?”

Chat blinked at him.  “You know that’s not how magic works, right?  It’s important to me that you know that’s not how magic works.”

“How would I know that’s not how magic works?  We can find traces of the magic and you always know where Ladybug is,” Red Robin insisted, with more than a little petulance.

“Yeah, because our team communicates, in and out of the suits,” Chat explained slowly as though it would be obvious.

“Our team communicates,” Nightwing objected but his voice came out weak like not even he believed what he was saying.

“We do?” Red Robin asked before he could stop himself.  “I mean, yeah, we do,” he added quickly at Nightwing’s glare.  The forced smile he delivered it with only served to make it more questionable.

Chat raised an unimpressed eyebrow.  “More than that, we talk.  Converse.  Chatter.  Chat,” he ignored the single chuckle Carapace let out, “we like each other, so we tell each other things, like where we’re and what we’re going.”

He didn’t react when Carapace walked up and leaned on him, his elbow resting on Chat’s shoulder.  “We may not have vehicles, but we have something more important,” Carapace grinned.  He placed a hand over his heart and opened his eyes wide in faux innocence.  “The power of friendship.”

Chat sighed heavily and pushed him away with a hand to his face.  “You’ve watched far too many kids shows.”  He shook his head and looked back at where the portal had been.  “Ladybug and Hood are alone facing someone that all of us together had trouble with.  Can we focus please?”  He settled a serious look at Nightwing and Red Robin.  “We don’t have homing beacons, but I assume you do, right?  You don’t actually talk, so I’m guessing you track each other instead, so you know where you all are and can back each other up when you get into stupid situations, all so you don’t actually have to communicate in any meaningful way.”

Nighwing sucked in a breath and let it out harshly.  “Not exactly why we have it, but yes, we do have that feature.”

“And we aren’t using it because…?” Carapace asked.

“Right,” Red Robin perked up.  “Give me a second.  We’ll track him.”

“And we’ll get the miraculous,” Chat nodded.  He grabbed Carapace and dragged him toward the exit.

><><><><><><><><>< 

The jump had clearly not been necessary.  There was no tunnel that had to be forded, no liminal space between the room they had been in and the new rather cave-like location.  No, it was like jumping at full velocity through an open doorway… and directly into the back of Ladybug, causing both of them to end up sprawled on the cave floor in a tangled pile of limbs.

“What is it with you today?” she demanded, shoving him off her with even more force than earlier.  “I am not a couch seat you need to jump on before your teammates take it!  And quite frankly, this is a lot more touching than I’m comfortable with from you.  Why are you here anyway?” she snarled, her lips curling and eyes narrowed.  “We had talked about me being the one to go after him.”

He looked around cautiously.  Deft eyes darting around as he brushed the dirt and dust off his suit.  “We didn’t talk about shit.  Someone made a dumbass observation and you jumped at trying to get yourself killed.  Someone had to stop you from doing something stupid.”  He rounded on her, fixing her with a hard stare.  “Something else stupid.”

Her eyes shot to him.  “Excuse me!” she snapped.

“No!  And lower your voice,” he growled, making no attempt to do the same.

“I've already lowered my standards by working with you,” she hissed.  She allowed herself a few moments to glare dramatically at him and pushing into his space, demanding his attention.  “You aren’t needed here.  You aren’t wanted here.”

Hood stopped scanning the room, his eyes lasering in on Ladybug with a dark chuckle.  “Oh, I may not be wanted here, but I’m definitely needed.”  He took a step forward, closing the distance almost completely to tower over her, not to intimidate her, not really, he knew she didn’t intimidate easily, more to demand her attention, force her to listen to him.  “The whole situation looked like you needed someone with actual skills to be here.  Jumping through a portal to an unknown but certainly dangerous destination.  Definitely a trap.  No plan.  No exit strategy.  No thought.  Against, apparently, your only weakness.  Stupid.” 

“Oh, Dieu…” she threw her arms out and huffed loud enough the echo could be heard if someone strained their ears enough.  “Since when do you listen to the villains?  He’s not my only weakness.”

Hood shook his head letting out his own disappointed huff.  He took a steadying breath before continuing, voice quieter and more serious.  “I wasn’t asking for a catalog of your weak points.  But going up against someone who is the embodiment of your primary weakness is stupid.”

She clicked her tongue and stared at him with ill-disguised ire.  “I can handle this just fine on my own.” She leaned forward, but then bobbed away, snapping her head toward a movement down a tunnel to the side and stepping closer like a siren song.

He stepped in front of her, closing out anything in her vision but him until her eyes snapped back to him.  “An army unto yourself, huh?” His voice gained back his disdainful edge.

“Yes,” she snapped, stepping even closer, proving she wasn’t afraid, pushing back against his judgement.  But Hood stood his ground, matching her gaze undeterred, letting her anger roll past him, letting her decide the next move.  Her gaze faltered and she swallowed thickly.  “…no,” she corrected after a moment.

He snorted derisively, finally stepping back to investigate a flicker in the distance.  “Right.”

Her lips pinched with renewed annoyance and stepped back into his way.  “I’m used to working with a team.  I’m used to working with your team, in fact, and we work very well together.  It’s just you that has an issue with me… TEAMWORK.  An issue with teamwork.”

He only spared her a glance for a moment then turned toward a shadow that seemed to have moved a moment before.  “I don’t have an issue with teamwork,” he ignored her caustic snort, “just working with less competent teammates.  Like the ones that go off alone against their greatest weakness.”

She spun away toward the opposite side of the cave.  “I didn’t know there were less competent teammates than you.”  She walked deeper into the cave.  “And he’s not my greatest weakness.  He’s my greatest danger…”

“That’s the same thing,” he cut in coldly.

“… to society,” she finished with a hiss.  “He isn’t my weakness.  He’s my warning, my…” she threw her head back with a groan.  When she looked back at him it was through narrowed eyes and with pursed lips.  “I can’t think of the word in English, but if I was speaking French, I’d be able to explain.”

Red Hood motioned for her to continue.  “I speak fluent French.  Go ahead,” he challenged.

Ladybug opened her mouth then slowly closed it.  “No.”

Red Hood snorted and shook his head.  “Right.  Well, whatever he is to you, you’re not going to be able to defeat him as long as his cat is wandering free.  It’s where he gets his power.  It’s like you with your cat, his only purpose really.”

“No, it isn’t,” she snapped loudly as though volume could keep him from interrupting.  It wouldn’t, no matter how loud their fights got, they always continued.  “Dieu!  Do you ever get tired of being wrong?  Or is it just a part of your genetic makeup.  You can’t exist without it.  It’s the opposite of me and Chat, jackass.”  She stalked closer to him jabbing her finger at him, her chin set in a defiant line.  She opened her mouth, her next insult on the tip of her tongue ready to be whipped out like a pavise, both shield and weapon, when her eyes lit up instead.  “It’s the opposite!”  She motioned toward Hood as if he was in on the revelation.

“I’m going to need a bit more than melodramatic hand motions if you’re going to pass on the insight you just gleaned,” Hood responded after a few seconds with no response.  “Not everyone can see your delirious visions.”

Rather than get riled up as his words normally affected her, she continued on, a smile on her lips, a scheming smile that immediately deflated Hood’s chest.  “It’s the opp…”

“Yeah, you said that already,” he cut in with a heavy sigh.  “Shockingly, repeating the same thing doesn’t help.”

 She took a deep breath and started again but not before shooting him a disappointed look.  “My magic doesn’t originate from Chat but his does.”

“Yeah, I said that already,” he huffed.  He waited for her to elaborate.  When she didn’t, he motioned for her to continue, considerably less aggressively than before.  “And that helps us how?”

“Because my yoyo is a magical vortex that leads to a pocket dimension that blocks magical power and I think we should play to our strengths and his weaknesses,” she smirked.

He narrowed his eyes at her, letting her words work around in his mind until finally the picture became clear.  He nodded absently.  “And your strengths are obstinance, hostility, being the focus of apparently particularly protective crackbrained sociopaths who don’t want anyone but them hurting you, cats, and duplicity.”

She huffed loudly, crossing her arms over her chest and popping her hip out.  “Charming.  And yours are creating a scene, distraction, and pissing people off,” she smirked as she added the last bit louder than necessary for their close proximity.

“You know, there are two kinds of people in this world, and both think you’re fucking annoying.  You’re like that annoying kid so desperate to be liked they agree to anything.  You look pathetic,” he thundered.

Ladybug’s face scrunched in confusion.  She met his eyes with a pointed look.  She waited until he let out a harsh breath then raised her eyebrow in question.  When he gave a barely noticeable nod, she returned it.  “And you look like you read with your finger,” she snapped with a force fitting a soap opera.

Hood moved so close, her breath left small fans of trace moisture on his chest plate. The slight tensing of his muscles was the only evidence they heard the disruption of rocks down one of the tunnels.  “Excuse you.  I am extremely literate.”

“Yes, I’m sure you can quote The Cat in the Hat very well,” she scoffed, her eyes darting behind him just momentarily, drawn to movement that had since disappeared and returning to him just as quickly.  “Just stay out of my way.”

Hood backed away, arms thrown out like a gift, granting her the room to do with as she pleased, a dare if she thought she could handle it, with him strategically placed close enough to grab her if Klarion or his cat somehow managed to sneak in unnoticed.  “I’ve been practicing that move for a year and a half!”  When he brought his hands back, he settled them explicitly on his guns, drawing as much attention to the movement as he could.

Ladybug raised an eyebrow again, her lips twitching to curl up but remaining successfully neutral as she closed the gap again.  “If you’ve been trying to not get in my way, not annoy me, you’ve been doing a shit job.  You’d do better to focus on refinement.”

Hood snorted.  “I don’t know the meaning of the word.”

“That checks,” she sneered dramatically.  “It seems like you don’t know the meaning of a lot of words.  Maybe you should work on upgrading from The Cat in the Hat so you can expand your literary skills.”

He chuckled lightly, another dare, fingers releasing and squeezing his guns tight enough his knuckles turned white..  “I read Hugo and Verne for a bit of light reading.  I…” before he could continue his list of literary accomplishments, an energy ball stuck his side, flinging him across the cave and into the far wall with a resounding thunk.

“Hood!” The cry tore from her.  The hit had been anticipated, yet shocking.  The sight of him flying through the air then sliding down the cave wall like a ragdoll was more jarring than she cared to admit.

She started toward him but backed into the shadows when he held up a hand and shook his head.  “That’s the best you’ve got?” he snorted.  His arm shook slightly as he pushed himself back up, betraying his invulnerable act.  “I’ve gotten hurt worse falling from a hammock.”

“Oh, that wasn’t to hurt,” Klarion’s voice creeped into the cave, his words echoing softly.  “That was to make a point.”

“Well, maybe that was your problem,” Hood scoffed again.  “You can’t use a ball to make a point.”  The smug smirk on his lips could be heard even without being able to see it.

The effort hit its mark, the result taking effect immediately.  Klarion growled, brow scrunched in irritation, lips curled in a snarl Teekl would have been proud of.  “Maybe this will spike some interest.”  He punched his palm through the air toward a stalactite, not the largest stalactite in the cave, but still substantial, long, pointed, and quite weighty.  It shook for a few seconds then the tip, about the size of a man, broke off and hurtled toward Hood.

He only just managed to dodge the rock by rolling behind a large stalagmite.  The stalactite tip smashed into dust against the stalagmite, cracking it all the way through.  “Nope.  Didn’t do much.  Maybe I can give you a tip…” he grunted through pulling the broken portion of the stalagmite and throwing it toward Klarion.

Klarion watched the rock soar toward him with a show of disinterest, until it reached him and continued through him.  When it was a few feet behind him, he flicked his wrist and the rock stopped instantly, hovering above the cave floor for a few moments until he slowly moved his fingers and the rock floated back through him, taking a position in front of him.  Klarion examined it with detached interest, the only sound Hood’s labored breathing and barely heard whisper, “Well, that’s fucking cheating.”  With a twirl of his finger, the rock rotated in the air.  He examined for a few seconds then let it drop.

“I don’t think I have any interest in your tips.”  His eyes flicked up to him and narrowed.  He smiled impishly.  “But I have one for you.”  He wiggled his fingers and a glowing javelin appeared beside him, the crimson light adding to his malevolent appearance.  The javelin flew toward Hood too quickly for him to completely dodge out of the way.  He was able to move just enough for it to hit his shoulder instead of his heart, knocking him to the ground, the red glow illuminating the blood dampening his jacket.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he hissed through his teeth gritted to keep from affording Klarion any other proof of the pain he’d caused.  “Let me give you a tip anyway.”  He groaned in pain and pushed up to almost standing on shaky legs only flinching slightly when the javelin disappeared.  “You should brush your fucking hair.  You look like a skunk fucked a porcupine while a wolverine gave directions.”

Klarion growled and flew down to him.  With a flick of his fingers, Hood rose up and floated toward him.  The path seemingly designed for maximum pain, he was high enough his feet dragged along the ground but his path shifted toward any and every rock between him and Klarion, ramming his shins, knees, thighs, and sides into as many as possible.  By the time he finally stopped, directly in front of Klarion, his pants were ripped open exposing cuts, scrapes, and the beginning of bruises that promised dark, deep coloring to come.  “You smell like it too,” Hood added attempting to be light, but coming across as strained.

“You’ve bored me long enough,” Klarion seethed.  He released his hold on Hood watching as he crumpled to the ground like a sack of potatoes.  The change freed his hands to circle them creating a portal behind Hood.  “It’s time for you to disappear for a very, very long time.”  His smile widened, making his features seem even more gargoyle like.  The illumination emitted by the portal accentuated the glee dancing in his eyes.

A surge of electricity erupted from Klarion’s fingers, not enough to kill Hood, that would end the fun, no just enough to hurt, and… nothing happened.  He stared at Hood, brow scrunching in dumbfounded confusion for a second before trying again, with the same results.  He looked down at his hands and gasped when his entire body flickered.  “Don’t worry too much, Electile Dysfunction is a common issue for young magicians,” Hood snickered breathlessly.

Klarion narrowed his eyes at Hood, his hatred radiating from him almost as visibly as the weapons he had conjured were, and stalked closer until he was a mere step away then raised his foot to Hood’s chest but froze when he heard a voice floating into the room.  “Well isn’t this cozy.”  He turned his head slowly to the side as Ladybug walked into the light twirling her yoyo casually.

Her gait stuttered at the sight of Hood on the ground, bleeding in front of the flickering portal and Klarion’s foot ready to strike, but in the blink of an eye, she’d recovered, plastering on a patronizing smile.  “I almost hate to interrupt such a heartwarming scene…”  She raised her yoyo to her ear and nodded.  “Yes, Teekl, almost.”

Her smile sharpened at Klarion’s horrified gasp and Hood’s amused chuckle.  She sauntered closer, prowling like a predator playing with her prey until she was close enough for Klarion to feel the full power of her sneer, “But you see, I’m the only one who gets to kick him off things, down things, or through things.  I don’t appreciate you expanding into my territory.”  She quirked her head to the side, eyes narrowing in contempt.  “Now, before I kick you though this portal that may or may not last long enough to actually sustain you through the trip, hand over the bracelet, and I will send your cat with you.  Otherwise, I leave you stranded wherever that,” she bobbed her head to the side to indicate the desolate landscape beyond the portal, “leads.”

Klarion snarled at her as he lunged but froze just before contact.  He stood prone for a few beats, the portal flickering more violently in the background as his power drained, then pulled back his hand, deliberate but reticent.  His hand moved slowly toward his pocket, his eyes blazing with a promise of retribution.  “You won’t sur…”

Before he could finish the threat, his body was tossed through the portal seconds before it closed.  Ladybug stared at the empty space for a few seconds before turning slowly to Hood.  “What did you do!  I had it handled!  What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“You mean today or in general,” he groaned, sounding more resigned than she’d heard him before, breath coming out in pants and swaying slightly, but eyes steady as steel.

“I’ll take the answer to either, but how about we start with what the fuck were you thinking?” she hissed.  “We need that miraculous.  Now he has the miraculous and we have his cat.  I don’t want another cat.”

“One cat is more than enough, huh?” Hood chuckled then moaned again, clutching his shoulder and bending over as though the weight of his head and shoulders was too much to bear. 

“Hood!” she shrieked.  Her eyes blazed, fists finding a home on her hips.  She should be consoling him, she knew that.  And under any other circumstances, she would be.  She would be helping him, caring for him, tending to his wound, helping take the weight off him.  Any other circumstances but the victim being Red Hood.

But it was him and she was too angry to be caring at the moment.

Hood had that effect on her, and he knew he had that effect on her.  He played it up.  She knew he did.  He knew he did.  He knew she knew he did.  And for some reason, she still let him.  “Ugh!” she threw her hands up then motioned abruptly toward where the portal was.  “Things like this are why I didn’t want you here!”

Hood finally looked up to send her a glare she could feel through his mask.  “I know you think you’re tough, that you can handle everything on your own, but you are 5 foot tall against a…”

“I’m 5 foot 3!” she screeched indignant at the accusation.

He blinked at her and threw his head to the side then rolled it back looking to the ceiling for patience.  “Jesus.  You’re fucking Thumbalina!”

“I am not fucking anybody!” she yelled.  “Wait…”  There was no stopping the annoyed sigh that oozed out or the narrowing of her eyes.  They were automatic responses to Red Hood.  Her body just instantly reacted to him.  “You’re awfully self-righteous considering you’re the one that’s hurt!”

“Because I was distracting him for you,” he growled finally straightening up as the frustration coursed through him and overtaking any pain.  Instead, the pain focused his anger, gave it more substance.  “That was the plan.”

“Because you were an asshole!” she growled back in his face, refusing to back down.  “And you getting hurt was not the plan.”

He shook his head and stepped back to give him space to react and give her a disappointed look he hoped she could feel even if she couldn’t see it.  “I’m an asshole because I distracted him so you could focus on your part?” he scoffed.  “And yes, it was.  You said play to my strengths which was pissing people off, the ‘people’ in this case being a violent psychopath.  How did you think it would end?  A handshake?”

She closed the space again, refusing to give him the space he sought, needing him to hear and feel her words.  “The ‘people’ in this case was me!  It’s me because you constantly piss me off because you do asshole things like this!  Like the villain, with powers you can’t combat or defend against, into attacking you physically.”  She shoved his shoulder hard.  “You were supposed to distract, not antagonize.”

He scoffed loudly as he attempted to discretely rub his shoulder both without aggravating his injured shoulder and allowing her to see how much the action affected him.  “Have you met me?”

She opened her mouth then shut it again quickly only to rub her forehead.  “Yeah, fair point.  I should have known better.  That’s on me,” she agreed begrudgingly, the fervor from moments before bleeding out until she physically sagged against a stalagmite.  “I just don’t… why do you always have to act like such an asshole?”

Hood huffed what could almost be interpreted as a laugh.  The tension started to ease out of his frame.  “What can I say, some people inspire it.”

“Awww, you think I’m inspiring?” Her voice was sickeningly sweet as she batted her eyes.

His snort echoed throughout the cave.  “Yeah, like toxic relationships and love songs.”

“Hey, I like Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter!”  She frowned at him with a glare, but they lacked the usual hostility that inherently marked all her interactions with him.

“You would.”  He chuckled and looked around the cave.  After a few moments, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the bracelet, holding it up in front of her.  “It's not an act.  Well, it is, but it’s strategic.”

She clasped her hands around it gentle yet rapid, like a Venus fly trap closing on a fly.  Her eyes flicked up to him wide and awed.  “You got it.”

He shrugged with one shoulder, somehow managing to keep his face from tugging at the pain.  “Yeah, that was the job,” he announced like it was an easy feat, like his legs weren’t starting to shake and his head starting to pound.

She looked between him and the bracelet clasped tightly in her hand.  “You got it before you knocked him through the portal.”

“Well, it wouldn’t have done much to knock him through after.”  He watched her while she ws distracted by the bracelet, cataloging her every movement, her deft fingers trailing over the extent of the bracelet like her fingertips could channel the magic thrumming throughout it, her eyes moving over it like a caress, her tongue dampening her lips just slightly as they parted.  “It’s also how I react to teammates who actively, consistently seek out the best way to hurt themselves,” he added harshly, but not unkindly.  “The assholery,” he clarified.

“I wasn’t trying to get hurt.  I was…”  She sighed and let out a long breath, sagging against the stalagmite again.  “I was the only one who could go after him.  Like the others said, I was the only one he wasn’t trying to hurt.  The only safe one.  It made sense.  It was the logical choice.”

“Right,” he scoffed, all the tension that had been ebbing from his body returning in an instant.  “It made sense to go after your only natural predator, your greatest weakness.  Your opposite.”

She groaned and dropped her head back, arms thrown out in exasperation.  “Why do you keep… Chaos isn’t my weakness or my opposite, or whatever he fancies himself.  Chat is.  Chat is my opposite, my natural ‘predator’.  You said he was like Teekl, but he isn’t.  Klarion can’t function without his familiar, but Chat isn’t my familiar.  He’s my partner.  Without Chat, I still have my magic.  Actually, it is even more powerful, which is bad.”

She leveled him with a pointed look, trying to convey the importance of her words, the importance of Chat.  “He balances it.  He keeps my power in check.  Because Creation’s opposite isn’t Chaos, it’s Destruction.  Destruction keeps Creation in check.  It keeps Chaos from reigning.  Creation without Destruction is Chaos.  That’s why I said he wasn’t my opposite.  He’s what I become without Chat.  He’s my portent.”

Hood opened his mouth to respond, but instead swayed and staggered to the side, barely catching himself on a stalagmite.

“Hood!” she shrieked again, this time with considerably more worry and less judgement, possibly for the first time she’d ever said his name that way.  “Okay, lets…” she helped ease him down to the ground, back resting against the stalagmite and pushed his leather jacket off his shoulders and eased it down his arms, trying hard not to jostle him too much.

When she opened her yoyo again, he tensed, preparing for a feline foray.  “Magical vortex,” she assured him, her voice calm on the surface, but there was an underlying tension she couldn’t quite mask, reinforced by the way her eyes kept flicking from his face to his shoulder to his legs.  “Things can’t get out unless I want them to.  But I can store things.”  She held up a box with a large red cross on the lid, like a prize.

He could see her holding something in, something that wanted to burst from her.  When she wet her lips and took a breath, he knew she was ready to let it out.  “You weren’t supposed to take his hits,” she stated carefully, her eyes focusing intently, pointedly, on his shoulder.  “I never… the plan wasn’t for you to sacrifice yourself to get the bracelet.”

“It worked.  It made sense.  It was the logical choice,” he parroted back to her with only a hint of a sneer.

She finally raised her eyes to meet his, blazing even though narrowed.  “Ooohhh!” she hissed out.  She barely held herself back from shoving him again.  “For as much as you accuse me of acting against my own self-interest, you immediately went for letting him attack you.  He could have killed you.  He wanted to kill you.  If he’d been less interested in watching you suffer than just getting the act done, he would have.”

“Klarion is a showboat,” Hood scoffed.  “He likes hearing himself talk and peacocking around too much to actually do much damage.”  He shrugged and immediately hissed at the bolt of searing pain that shot through his shoulder.  He just began to relax again, the pain easing slowly then all the muscles in his body tensed at once as Ladybug pulled the dressing tighter than necessary to tie it off.  Her unrepentant, narrowed eyes met his glare.

“Right.  Sure.  Whatever.  Just, next time don’t make me have to patch you up when you decide to get yourself killed,” she growled.  She leaned back on her heels, away from him and his need to martyr himself in front of her.  She threw the equipment back into the kit significantly more aggressively than necessary. 

When all the equipment was disheveledly in the kit, her eyes flicked up to him momentarily and immediately returned to the kit, this time placing things back into place with more delicate precision.  “Thank you,” she grumbled.  “For coming after me,” she clarified quietly.

Hood stared at her for a few seconds before shifting uncomfortably.  “I wasn’t done with him anyway…”  He looked away and shifted again, “bastard just disappeared on us.  I wanted to finish it…and he was threatening my teammates.  That’s my job.”

His response surprised a bark of laughter out of her.  “Careful, Hood, I might start to think you care,” she chuckled tightly.

“Perish the thought,” he hissed through the pain.  “And thank you, too… for patching me up.”  The words were sincere but still came out stilted and rough, like he was unfamiliar with saying them.

Ladybug hummed and looked away, the atmosphere suddenly awkward and uncertain.  “So…” she scanned the cave for a second before returning her eyes to him, “is my English just that bad or is ‘electile’ not a word?”

Hood snickered.  “Absolutely a word,” he assured her.  “It refers to…”

Whatever meaning he was about to make up was interrupted by a portal opening up next to them.  Ladybug shot up between Hood and the portal, body tense, prone for a fight, but instantly relaxed when Chat stepped through and wrapped her in a hug.

Red Robin stepped around them searching the cave.  “Where is he?  What’s the situation?”  He barely moved to allow Nighwing to step past him, immediately zeroing in on Red Hood on the ground.

“Asswipe is somewhere else,” Hood grunted as he batted Nightwing’s probing fingers away from his shoulder.

“Could you be a bit more specific,” Carapace asked, his voice and gaze flat.  “Somewhere else like another part of the cave?  Somewhere else like he fled and will be back in anytime?  Somewhere else like you killed him and buried the body?”

Pegasus leaned through the portal but flinched back when Ladybug peeked around Chat with a wicked grin.  “Did he inhabit Ladybug’s body?  Is that where he is?”

She rolled her eyes.  “Idiot.”  But the grin came back as she held up her yoyo.  “We can’t say where he is, but we can say he can’t get back without his familiar.”

“Oh, shit,” Red Robin whispered, he cradled the yoyo, looking back up at her with bright eyes.  “That’s amazing.  You’re brilliant.”

“And the bracelet,” Chat prompted.

Ladybug and Red Hood’s eyes met for just a moment before she looked back to Chat.  “Also, in there.”

“Right,” Nightwing announced, cutting through their chatter.  “Pegasus, can you open a portal to the Watchtower, please?  I would like to get this idiot to the doctor.”

“Yes sir,” he saluted and opened a second portal for them before ushering the Miraculous team back through the first one.

><><><><><><><>< 

Nightwing burst through the medbay doors, almost running into them in his excitement to get to Hood.  Red Robin followed at a much slower pace, he gazed around indifferently.  “How you doing?  You okay?” Nightwing asked, instantly fussing over him.  “What did the doctor say?”

“Fine,” Hood grunted, batting him away again.

“He’ll be fine after a bit of recovery,” the medic interjected pointedly.  “He will need a day or two before he should be off bed rest and a few weeks before easing into training.  Not in the field for at least 6 weeks.”

“I’m fine,” Hood repeated louder as though volume could end the discussion.

The medic shot him a flat stare.  “You’re not.”

Hood glared at the medic, eyes narrowed with a venom that would make Ivy jealous.  “Medical information is supposed to be private.  Isn’t there something about not sharing information without permission?”

The medic snorted and continued to type on his computer to update Hood’s file.  “Like I could keep it secret if I wanted to.  One of you is literally a machine with a brain.”

“Yeah, but that one doesn’t even have a brain,” Hood huffed motioning toward Nightwing.

Nightwing stepped forward with a smack to the back of Hood’s head and a wide, reassuring smile.  “I’ll make sure he follows the instructions,” he assured the medic.

The medic looked over his shoulder to raise an eyebrow.  He looked from Hood’s defiant glare back to Nightwing.  “Good luck with that.  I’ve never seen any of you actually follow instructions, but sure,” he drawled before leaving.

Nightwing kept his smile up until the moment the door closed behind the medic.  Then, like a light switching, his smile turned mischievous as he turned to Hood, studying him like he held a secret.  “What!”

“Funny thing,” Nightwing noted slowly as though his thoughts hadn’t quite settled into place in his head yet.

Hood rolled his eyes so hard it could be detected even with the domino mask on.  “Nothing about you is funny except your attempts at being taken seriously,” Hood grumbled.  “And your clothes.”

Nightwing clicked his tongue as his eyes sharpened.  “You jumped after Ladybug without any hesitation.”

“Almost like it was instinct to follow and protect her,” Tim finished the thought.  He grinned wickedly at Hood’s scowl deepening.

Hood groaned and threw his head back.  He looked toward the door calculating the effort it would take to throw two annoying vigilantes out of a room.  He scrunched his nose at the result.  Definitely more effort and backlash than he was willing to endure.  “It wasn’t like anyone else was going after her,” he huffed.  “Almost like nobody else actually cared if she was hurt, which I completely agree with, but I don’t want to face Wonder Woman’s wrath if we let her protégé get hurt.”

“Or,” Red Robin paused for dramatic effect and to shoot Hood a smirk, “or, you didn’t like the idea of her getting hurt and you wanted to impress her.”

“Impress her,” Hood scoffed hard enough he had to clear his throat after.  “There is no impressing someone like her.  She’s never satisfied with anything.  Always has a criticism.  Always has a snide comment.”  Nightwing raised an eyebrow and dropped his head to snicker quietly toward the floor.  “Plus, she’s seeing someone anyway,” Hood sniped with a bit too much forced indifference to be believable.  “I don’t impress taken women.”

Red Robin hummed and shrugged.  “It won’t last.”

“I don’t care,” Hood grumbled.  He crossed his arms over his chest and looked away pointedly.  “It’s none of my business.  I’m just impressed she found someone to put up with her.  That’s, that’s what is really impressive.  Something’s got to be wrong with whoever that is.” 

Nightwing snorted but didn’t challenge him, barely managing to hide his smirk as Hood fell back onto the bed for a few seconds glaring at a point in the distance like it had personally offended him before he spoke up again.  “So, you know who it is then?”

Red Robin quirked his head to the side.  “What?”

Hood huffed and ran his tongue between his teeth and cheek as though continuing to engage in the conversation physically hurt.  “You said ‘it won’t last.’  So, you know him?  The asshole masochistic enough to date her?”

Red Robin couldn’t quite stop the snort that escaped, nor the smug smile on his lips.  “No.  I know her.”

Hood’s head snapped to him with a crack, quickly followed by a cry that echoed throughout the room.  His hand flew to his shoulder as he let out a noise that he would never admit was a whimper.  After a few moments, he lifted his narrowed eyes to Red Robin.  “You know who she is?” he demanded like an accusation.

Red Robin rolled his eyes.  “Of cour…” he trailed off in favor of letting out a deep sigh.  He pursed his lips then leaned toward Red Hood, only pausing for a moment before flicking him in the forehead.  “I don’t know her identity.  But I know her.  I know…” this time trailing off before he said too much, more than Hood was willing to admit to.  “I know she isn’t fully happy.  Doesn’t feel fully safe.  I know it isn’t right, so it won’t last.”

Hood stared at him for a few seconds before closing his eyes and adjusting more comfortably into the bed.  “Whatever.  None of my business anyway,” he grunted, though the lines in his face had eased significantly.

Nightwing didn’t bother to hide his snort this time.  “No, of course not,” he mocked.  He shook his head and headed toward the door.  “You just wish you were that asshole,” he grumbled under his breath.

“Hey,” Hood called, sitting up suddenly and looking around frantically.  “Where did you put my jacket?”

“Jacket?” Red Robin asked.  “You weren’t wearing your jacket when we found you.”  He looked around the room despite his previous statement, as though it may have magically appeared.

“No, I…” he groaned and threw his body back into the bed.  “You assholes left my jacket back there?”

Nightwing scoffed and rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, so sorry for focusing on saving your life rather than your wardrobe.”

“I liked that jacket,” Hood huffed.

“Shouldn’t have let it get damaged protecting your woman then,” Red Robin responded, a smirk etched on his face, which only widened when the pillow hit so hard, it almost knocked him over.

“She isn’t my…”  Hood let out a long breath and focused on reducing his stress.  “Get the fuck out.”  Nightwing left with a mocking salute and a completely unappreciated grin.  “And give me my pillow back,” he called before Red Robin crossed the threshold.