#jasminetea

Freenoodles

Name rating: 11/10. Look. I may not be a Freenoodles person, but I must admit that whoever came up with this name cooked. Genuinely iconic. This name is perfect. Whoever made this cooked at such a magnitude that only Pigsy can surpass it. Short, catchy, and fits their character and also their dynamic wonderfully.

Canon rating: 8/10. Pretty cute! It's very obvious the writers and animators view them as a couple, so how they appear on screen reflects it. They're always next to each other, hanging off each other, touching or holding the other. They genuinely love and respect each other and have a believable history. They raised a kid together. Romantic or platonic there is great chemistry. I will admit- sometimes they're a little flat. Because they're 100% healthy, that means all they can really be used for is fluffy, any angst comes from a third party. While it's a healthy dynamic, it doesn't make for the best stories, similar to how the reason most relationships in any show are 'unhealthy' by our irl standards is because it wouldn't be a good story otherwise. Plus, the writers prioritize their dynamic over literally anything else their characters could do, so they end up feeling flat and removed from the crew because time they could’ve spent with other characters is instead just used for shipping fuel and reusing the same dynamic— Freenoodles has barely changed at all from season 1 to season 5. Oh, sure, Pigsy has had minor character development and Tang has powers now, but how does that affect their relationship? We can only speculate.

Fanon rating: 5/10. The stuff for Freenoodles is generally very good and sweet and largely faithful to their characters. points are just taken off because of how inescapable it is. It's similar to Shadowpeach- though it honestly may even be worse! You want to explore Pigsy or Tang outside of each other? Lol. Lmao, even. These two are paired up in every fanart. If they're not the focus they're being romantic in the background. And same goes for fics! Oh, and none of it is tagged, of course not! Because it's totally canon guys, just pair them up in the background of every fic. It's not like people care about them outside of being the token old gay couple, right?

Personal enjoyment: -9/10. I can read fics and look at art of them without caring, but overall I just. Don't like it. It's not even against the ship itself- it's just so damn pervasive and inescapable that it's hell trying to find things for Tang outside of his assigned husband. They're cute, but given that I personally don't really go with the fandom flow, they've become a source of annoyance.

Inkypages

Name rating: 9/10. Pretty solid! While Macaque's thing is more shadows instead of ink, given Tang's whole vibe it fits together pretty well to give us a short, catchy, and summative name.

Canon rating: 2/10. Macaque is generally unpleasant to Tang, what with throwing him around, forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do, and insulting him to his face. There is potential here, even if it's just conflict between these two in an incredibly unhealthy relationship. Ships that are only conflict can be fun! But given that Macaque has shown zero remorse but we're supposed to act like he did, that brings the rating down. It would be much more interesting if these two openly disliked each other, leaving room for them to grow fond of each other or get worse.

Fanon rating: 5/10. Most of it is pretty cute oneshot style stuff. The art of them is always pleasant to look at, and they can work in the occasional fic. And the art of Macaque actually being manipulative towards Tang while liking him? Delicious. However there is plenty of content out there with these two that just demonizes Wukong for literally no reason, not to mention a lot of people just sort of forget about what Macaque did instead of acknowledging it and moving past it.

Personal enjoyment: 7/10. It used to be higher, back when I liked Macaque more, but these two are still dear to me a little. The short sweet things with them are cute, though I personally am starved for material with these two being in a more unhealthy relationship. Macaque is canonically obsessive, cruel, and manipulative. There's something there to be used with those traits! Put Tang through the horrors! Put Macaque through the horrors! I promise it will be fun writing this monkey as a bastard while also in a relationship.

Jasminetea

Name rating: 8/10. Again, Tang having tea for his ship name makes little sense, but it works much better here. I can see him and Sandy sharing a cup of tea while on the latter's boat, and it's very on brand for Sandy, even if it leaves Tang a little lacking.

Canon rating: 4/10. Sandy clearly cares about Tang, but it's not much different with how he loves the rest of the gang. Sandy is very underdeveloped, leaving most of his relationships feeling shallow. He and Tang knew each other back in the day, but for some reason they don't act like it. They're basically strangers, with no allusions to the bond they might've once shared as young adults.

Fanon rating: 2/10. It barely exists. There's some gems of art here and there, but otherwise there's not much.

Personal enjoyment: 7/10. Very adorable! I love delving into the potential past they've shared, how these two would've been when they were younger. Was Tang as fragile then as he is now? How did a more violent and less restrained Sandy deal with that? And then reuniting in canon can be explored through so many different avenues. Even exploring one of Sandy's relationships can give him some sorely needed depth.

Plus, imagining these two in modern day in mundane sweet situations is a genuine treat. Tang relaxing on Sandy’s boat, claiming the cat’s favorite couch for himself, Sandy patiently listening to Tang’s tall tales and grand stories, Tang finding therapy and self help books for him… Plus, if these two got in a relationship, Tang would never waste time waking again. He’s sitting on Sandy’s shoulders for the rest of time, and Sandy would let him. (There’s also something that could be done with Sandy’s overindulgent nature. Does he do that because he’s worried setting any boundaries or encouraging his loved ones to get better might drive them off? Might make him a ‘monster’ again? So many possibilities…)

Ghostlyscholar

Name rating: 10/10. The ghost fits the Mayor’s aesthetic very well, and the scholar is a great choice for Tang’s part of the ship name. This is used interchangeably with Ghostscholar, but they’re basically the same.

Canon rating: 1/10. Tang canonically thinks of the Mayor as creepy, and is one of the few characters to comment on his unsettlingness. There was definitely a missed opportunity to have the characters react to the Mayor of their city working with the Lady Bone Demon, but the characters… never really react. They don’t even see the Mayor until the special. That one point is there because of the collar grab. Tang really did grab this man by the collar and get in his face. Old man was ready to throw down with the man who hurt his friends.

Fanon rating: 2/10. It barely exists! What little art there is of them is really good, and they barely exist in fanfiction outside of short oneshot requests. I’m very picky about how the Mayor is written— he’s not solely insane, but sometimes people make him too… normal and nice. That man is clinically insane and he’s loving it.

Personal enjoyment: 10/10. I love these two. They live in my head rent free. The Mayor is already a unique character, but pairing him with Tang opens up for hilarity and angst. Tang growing used to his quirks and oddities, writing them all off because Tang is comfortable, and he likes the Mayor. And then that illusion of comfort and domesticity is shattered in season 3. I really love the idea of Tang recontextualizing his relationship with the Mayor after season 3, every memory now tainted with the knowledge of what exactly the Mayor has been capable of. Tang got used to seeing him as his odd, slightly unhinged, but doting lover. Seeing how cold and vicious the Mayor can actually be is a very fun idea.

And the fact that the Mayor is willing to harm Tang and loves him is not separate— they coexist. The Mayor loves Tang, but he will never prioritize him above the Lady Bone Demon. He sees Tang as his— in the same way you would think of your heart or liver as yours. And, similar to his heart, the Mayor is fully ready and willing to offer up Tang the moment LBD asks. Possessiveness and obsession mixed with a willingness to harm? Oh yeah, I love the potential dynamic. Not to mention the Mayor’s potential manipulativeness, keeping Tang away from his friends and to himself. The casual insidousness of it all, to the point that Tang doesn’t notice or think anything is even wrong. He doesn’t want to go to work, and the rest of the house is always so cold, and it seems to get colder whenever Tang brings up going back to his own apartment. Nothing can be done besides going back to their shared bed and curling up under the blankets.

Plus the fact that the Mayor… can’t really be redeemed. He is insane and crazy entirely of his own volition. He can’t be redeemed because he doesn’t want to be. He’s happy how he is. The best Tang is going to get is the Mayor being an asshole black cat, who’s only less dangerous because he’s following someone who is less likely to ask him to commit acts of violence, not because he’s suddenly less capable of it. Even in scenarios where they have never been together before season 3, the idea of Tang getting pestered and stalked by an asshole street cat is very funny and very ripe for possibilities of all kinds.

Also, come on— if Tang and the Mayor got married prior to season 3, that would make the Mayor MK’s stepdad. And you know that they both hate it. Poor MK, it’s bad luck that one of the worst villains you can deal with can also pull the “I fucked your dad” card.

Memorypages

Name rating: 6/10. It’s a bit harder to rank this one because… I’m the one who made their ship name. I may be a bit biased. I think this works well enough, with Tang’s scholar vibe and Azure’s access to the Scroll of Memory. It fits them pretty well, enough to work as a ship name.

Canon rating: 1/10. Azure tells Peng to not kill Tang but that’s about it. Tang never shows any opinion on Azure outside of mentioning his threat level or convincing Yellowtusk to stand down, and Azure’s kinda busy the whole season to really think about anyone beyond his sworn brothers, Sun Wukong, and MK. They’re not openly hostile or enemies but they’re certainly not friendly.

Fanon rating: 2/10. There is one (1) fanart for these two that is adorable but that’s it. There are a few fics but most of them are smut, which is totally fine but it’s not all that makes a ship. I have gotten a few mutuals into the ship, resulting in some more art, but most of it lives on in my private DM’s so I won’t count it here.

Personal enjoyment: 10/10. Yeah so I love these two a lot. There’s something to be said about Azure’s blind devotion and Tang’s low (almost self destructive) self-esteem. These two, pre or post season 4, are open to tons of interpretations. A post season 4 AU where Azure lives can be very interesting, where he and Tang grow closer. There’s also the hilarity of Azure being a former Sun Wukong simp and Tang being a current(?) Sun Wukong simp. Birds of a feather flock together /j

The way theirs flaws can interact is also something to consider. Tang is lazy, insecure, and longs for affirmation. Azure is obsessive, devoted, and far far too indulgent and makes excuses for the people he cares about. These flaws can work together to make eachother worse— and better yet, Azure’s flaws can have a more outward negative impact on Tang, with his stifling love. Tang isn’t the same as Wukong— there is definitely room for some accidental infantilization and condescension on Azure’s part. Also… look, tiny weak human and large lion man. Tang can be short tempered and bitchy while Azure holds a bit more patience and is gentler. It’s funny and charming.

Of course, these two growing and working on their flaws together to create a genuinely very sweet and loving relationship is also nice. Tang can be mature— he just often chooses not to be. Their naps must be great, and I can see Tang getting some interesting facts and knowledge out of Azure. (And similar to Jasminetea, Tang is never going to walk if he can help it. He’s laying his head on his boyfriend’s warm mane, golden like the sun, and riding on his shoulders. Azure would enable it.)

Goldenscholars

Name rating: 9/10. Again, I named these two, but I think this works really well! Yellowtusk’s tusks are close to a golden shade, and Tang’s powers are a very bright gold. They’re both intelligent people and well-read, capable of talking for hours on end uninterrupted.

Canon rating: 5/10. Tang does glare at Yellowtusk when the latter is taken away (for some reason, despite the fact that Macaque gets a pass from Tang) but these two have a genuinely civil and honest conversation, as civil as it can be in the midst of a battle. Tang protects Yellowtusk from the scroll pieces Azure throws around, and manages to help convince him to help the Monkie Crew. Plus, characters acknowledging when another did something bad! There’s potential there!

Fanon rating: 1/10. There’s nothing there babes. There is one fanart and that is it. This fandom is full of fake old man yaoi lovers.

Personal enjoyment: 8/10. These two are sweet! Yellowtusk is a bit underdeveloped compared to some of his brothers, but he’s a very good character as is. I can see Tang visiting Yellowtusk in prison to talk to him, keep him company while he’s shut away by the very institution he tried to overthrow and reform. Tang barely reaches up above Yellowtusk’s waist, and Yellowtusk can hold this man in the palm of his hand. Him and the husband he has to hold when they bathe.

It is genuinely tragic that by the end of season 4, Yellowtusk is completely alone. His brothers are all either dead or have moved on. It’s just him. Let him have the gang’s dilf, you know, as a treat. In all seriousness these two would actually work well together. Yellowtusk seems to carry some amount of respect for Tang, and Tang is capable of being civil and reaching out to Yellowtusk. These two would talk with eachother until the oceans ran dry, with Tang spinning tall tales and Yellowtusk telling them. They would have a great time keeping eachother company, growing closer over tea and studies. Their similarities make their contrasts greater as well: Tang is vibrant and sassy, blunt to the point of rude. Yellowtusk is more tactful and calm, but no less emotional or intense. Let these two old men wind down next to eachother and fall asleep together. They’ve earned it.

SnakeEyes

Name rating: 7/10. Yeah so I named these two (are you noticing a pattern yet) but I think it works well, even if it is a bit on the nose. Xiangliu is a snake and the eyes part is a reference to Tang’s glasses, as well as being a reference to a roll you can get on a dice.

Canon rating: 0/10. Xiangliu slams Tang into a wall and then convinces his son figure that it’s cool for him to die for the sake of the world as long as he wants to. Tang outright says “let’s fight this guy”.

Fanon rating: 0/10. Yeah so you know how most of these other ships, despite the lack of content, still have at least one piece? Yeah I made these two out of nothing. Everything that exists for them was made by me or exists because I got a mutual into the ship.

Personal enjoyment: 20/10. Ughhhhhhhh. These two man. They’re ridiculous but I love writing for them so so so much. What’s funny is that while Xiangliu is an unknown creature hailing from a world beyond, powerful and mysterious, Tang is just… a guy. He’s some dude. Sure he happens to be the reincarnation of Golden Cicada, but he’s relatively normal.

“I want to crawl under your skin and never leave, to be one with you so that we may never be separated or apart…”

“Um. Haha that’s cool. Do you wanna makeout instead.”

These two are surprisingly similar in the vein that they just… do what they want. Xiangliu is far louder and destructive about his desires, but Tang really is living by vibes 90% of the time. It’s a nice thought— Xiangliu able to slow down and appreciate life without being caged at the same time. Briefly pulled from his distaste and numbness to the world around him and just enjoying something small. Something largely meaningless. But something valuable nonetheless, if he wants it to be. Tang finds value and desire in smaller things, perhaps meaningless things. But he’s very earnest about what he wants, and for all his complaining and sass he’s a genuinely kind man at heart.

I think they’d work well together in softer moments— Tang’s relatively calm when not in a life or death situation, and I think his serenity and sloth would actually do well for Xiangliu, who literally stutters whenever he gets nervous or unsure. It can be inferred that he’s not used to being listened to and is rushing to get the words out, now that nobody can interrupt or insult him. Tang would love to hear him talk, hear him speak of ancient stories and millennia old gossip.

And of course, the wonderful tragedy of “I love you. But I will not stay in a cage for anyone, even for you.” And “I love you. But I will not forsake everything I have and everything I could be just so I can stay with you.”

(And Tang being in a constant loop of reincarnation… something something What if you were an ever constant cycle of death and rebirth and I was dedicated to destroying the world’s cycle of death and rebirth that I’ve grown so tired of. What if I was dedicated to ending cycles in the name of a futile hope for freedom and your very existence was a cycle, and we were in love?)

Also, to end on a blunt note, Xiangliu can be a bastard. He’s sneaky and mischievous. Him and Tang interacting, with their bitchiness and bastard tendencies colliding, would be very entertaining. They’re either on a similar wavelength or completely off.

Total score:

Peachtea: 28/40

Freenoodles: 15/40

Inkypages: 23/40

Jasminetea: 21/40

Ghostlyscholar: 23/40

Memorypages: 19/40

Goldenscholars: 23/40

Today was supposed to be a frightening day, yes, but not like this.

Pigsy had mocked him for his pining over Sandy for too long. And he couldn’t shut him up by mocking him over his thing for Monkey King anymore because unlike him Pigsy actually had the nerve to go for what he wanted. So once he was tired of Tang firing back about his own pining and suffering he just… went out and did it.

And Sun Wukong thought the initiative was endearing and then Tang didn’t even have a leg to stand on anymore because suddenly Pigsy wasn’t even a companion in Pining Hell anymore.

And he was getting tired of all the ‘That is NOT a good excuse! You’re a freeloader but you’re not a COWARD Tang!’ too, so he figured it was maybe time he should just grow a spine and do it too.

Today he was supposed to march over to Sandy’s boat and just.. Finally come clean. Tell him how long he’d been pining after him, whether it ended well for him or not, the emotions had all been bottled up for so long sometimes they felt like they were about to burst at the most inconvenient times.

And then Sandy would have to turn him down because Tang was man enough to acknowledge when he doesn’t really have a chance with somebody, but he’d let him down gently because Sandy was too damn good like that, and assure him a hundred times over that this didn’t have to make things weird at all and they definitely can still be friends, and that he’s super flattered and anybody would be lucky to have Tang, just… not him. And Tang would take it as well as he could and find at least some catharsis at the end of the day over it.

This was not supposed to be a day where everything went to shit so quickly. This was not supposed to be a day where some… Demon he didn’t even care enough to remember the damn name of (but he KNEW he was a Problem during the Journey to the West at SOME point) decided to raise some havoc and go absolutely batshit over the city.

Xiaotian, Xiaojiao, and surprisingly Red Son, took care of it because of course they did… But…

Sandy took a really rough hit for Xiaojiao, and… look… they were in what was essentially the superhero business in this day and age, Life risking battles were par for the course. And tanking rough hits was something Sandy would openly say he was fine with, that he was perfectly content to be the wall of muscle between his friends and danger.

That didn’t make it okay. It didn’t mean that Tang wouldn’t be absolutely devastated if something happened to him while he was protecting someone else.

That didn’t mean it wouldn’t destroy him if Sandy died without Tang ever telling him the truth because it just happened to be planned on Today of all days.

They were in what was essentially the superhero business.

They couldn’t afford to leave things unsaid anymore.

So when the battle was done, the demon (he did NOT care enough to remember which one he was- It was the Rhino King, fucking dammit) sent running, and everyone was pulling eachother from the rubble, Tang placed himself as the one to fuss over Sandy, since Pigsy was already fussing over Xiaotian and Xiaojiao whom both already had minimal injuries (and Red Son, but he kept shouting about how his assistance had been extremely conditional today and he wasn’t interested in being babied)

Though that knowing grin Pigsy shot him before doing so was certainly doing something to remind him about every single embarrassing story he had on the pig since college to threaten to indulge Sun Wukong in as what little blackmail he had left.

Sandy was a fair bit more roughed up, granted he’d been thrown through multiple buildings and every crash against the concrete that had made Tang’s gut lurch in fear and dread.

“You’ve got to take better care of yourself in these fights.” He found himself huffing quietly as he applied antiseptic to the huge gashes that had torn their way onto Sandy’s back.

He didn’t even flinch, and just laughed at the idea.

“I’ll be fine, Tang. Nothing small like this would be enough to take me down!” He forced the sterile cloth a little harder onto a certain wound right along Sandy’s spine to get the gravel out and felt the fish demon go rigid beneath his hands.

“Haha! Besides-” His voice was strained. “Rather it be me than the kids.” And the worst part was that he couldn’t even debate that! He was certain all of them would rather throw themselves into the jaws of agony than let any of the kids fall in themselves. (and by the surprisingly quick way Red submitted to Pigsy’s fretting they’d probably have another name on that list before too long)

But-

“That doesn’t make it less terrifying to have to see.” He leaned forward just a bit, feeling his forehead brush the space between Sandy’s shoulderblades, one of the few parts of his back that weren’t raw or freshly bandaged.

He felt Sandy take in a breath beneath him. “I’m sorry Tang… Musta’ looked pretty bad from the sidelines, huh?” The sidelines.

“You have no idea.”

He was always on the sidelines, huh? Long before all of this fighting and magic started coming around.

He’d only become friends with Pigsy in the first place because the history buildings and the kitchens were close to each other so they’d pass through the same pathways on their respective ways to class back in college, and he was obnoxious and curious and Pigsy was the only one from the Culinary Arts major who’d indulged him. He’d only even met Sandy at all because of their history.

He’d just always been extremely lucky to annoy the right people. Because he never took any real chances. He’d talk a lot of game back then, and even sometimes now, but he was always the real wallflower of the group.

Did he really have it in him?

It wasn't really a good hug but he didn't have to pull away, he didn't necessarily want to anyway. If he just left it there Sandy didn't have to know. He could just continue on and it never would raise any red flags.

He could.

Tang shuffled around, and though Sandy remained seated he twisted his body to face him and smiled that big, sweet, beautiful smile.

“I’ll try to be a little more careful, There is a difference between being a body shield and playing defense, I gotta remember that.”

Fuck it.

Leap of faith time.

…

He… He was supposed to say something. He was supposed to just say how he felt. But the impulse to DO something instead of just say something had for a moment driven him temporarily insane, so instead of just telling Sandy how he felt, like a normal person would have done, Tang decided to pick the stupid version of that and grab Sandy by his necklace and pull him in.

But dammit- he was TIRED of this!

And-.... it felt good. It felt really fucking good to finally kiss him. Sandy let out a muffled yelp of surprise but quieted quickly.

-But he didn’t kiss back.

Tang pulled away and willed himself not to be too upset, he knew this was coming after all.

Didn’t make it hurt any less to have the confirmation though.

Too late now. Might as well make the whole thing explicit.

“I’ve been in love with you for too damn long to watch you throw your life away like that.”

He braced himself for the vague noise of distress when it sunk in for Sandy what that meant. Braced himself for the ‘Oh… Tang I’m uh… I’m really sorry and I’m super flattered-’

And then a large, gentle hand hooked under his chin to keep him in place and-

Oh…

Well… that was a balm on his nerves. Tang responded to the second kiss as much as he could, which was admittedly a bit difficult for how chaste it actually was, but placing his hands on Sandy’s arm and leaned in, and- was this real? Was this really happening? Was he about to wake up at home halfway tangled up in bedsheets and cursing another day of being a coward?

He didn’t want it to end, but when Sandy pulled away and smiled down at him that big beautiful bashful smile, cheeks turning purple with a truly precious blush he couldn’t complain.

And then the sounds of cheering from the others broke up the moment.

“Fucking FINALLY”

--