#jaken

You had first noticed one of Sesshomaru’s more telling habits a few days into travelling with him. Each night, usually after Jaken and Rin had fallen asleep, he would idly comb through his long silver hair with his claws.

It was a slow and methodical process; you imagined it took much longer since he only had one hand to work with, but like everything else he did, it was done with grace and efficiency.

The first time you'd seen him do it, you were surprised. As simple of a gesture as it was, for such a stoic and careful demon, it felt like a break in his facade.

It was too personal, vulnerable even. You'd never even seen him eat or sleep, which in itself was a little unnerving.

You knew demons were different than humans, of course, so it was no surprise that he didn't need these things as often as you and Rin did, but even Jaken and Ah-Un ate and slept most days.

It was then you came to understand he was a very different kind of demon compared to most. 

It was an intimidating notion; his apparent immunity to even the most basic needs, combined with the insane power he held, made him seem like an otherworldly being, godlike.

Infallible to all things mortals and lesser demons might succumb to.

Always poised, always in control.

To see him take the time to attend to something so normal, shifted your view of him; it made him feel more real and tangible and less like an ethereal spirit. 

After all, his hair was very long, even longer than your own, and with all the travelling and battles he engaged in, it would be impossible for him to always look nothing short of perfectly put together if he didn't put at least some effort in.

It was comforting to know that even as a great demon, he was impervious to something, even if that something was superficial. 

It was only a few days later that all the other preconceived ideas you'd had about him were completely shattered.

You were all sitting around the fire; it was late, the moon already high in the sky. Sesshomaru was resting up against a tree. 

"Rin."

He only said her name once, and she looked up from the fire; where she’d been roasting some wild mushrooms. She stood up skewer in hand, before skipling over and folding herself down in front of him.

You were puzzled at first as you watched her pull out the little tie in her hair, but then he reached forward and began to comb through it the same way he did his own; all the while she sat quietly, blowing cool air onto her mushroom skewer before taking a bite.

You watched in awe as he carefully pulled out knots and tangles. You’d seen him use those claws to tear through demons and burn enemies with his poison whips; now to see him use such care was a striking contrast.

Rin seemed to enjoy these silent exchanges very much; sometimes, if it was at night, she’d fall asleep as he did it. He was a dog demon after all; perhaps grooming was one of the ways his kind bonded? Whatever it was, to you, it was endearing.

It humanized him; underneath that cold and hard exterior, there was a much more complex person than you had previously thought. Capable of being gentle, of showing, in the most subtle of ways, care for another—despite all the disinterest and harsh detachment he had for most.

After some time, you grew accustomed to it, even finding it a little cute. In fact, you liked to secretly watch him when he wasn't looking, or at least, when you thought he wasn't looking. Your fond expression hid behind the sleeve of your kimono. 

Tonight had been no different; you had been watching him for several minutes now as he combed his hair beside you, occasionally pulling out a leaf or twig that had gotten caught in it. Rin and Jaken were already fast asleep. 

“Even to a demon, staring is rude. I’ve killed for far less,” he said quietly. 

You laughed, feeling confident enough to do so. You had learned by now that not only did he have a particularly dry sense of humour, but also that only Jaken faced the brunt of his frustrations; Rin and you were immune.

"Sorry," you murmured, lowering your gaze, your fingers picking at the grass now.

You felt a little embarrassed that you'd been caught, apparently you weren’t as discreet as you thought. He said nothing and just continued working silently beside you.

You wanted to ask him about this habit of his, but nerves twisted in your belly at the very thought of doing so.

He wasn't exactly a conversationalist, and although he never outright said anything about it, it wasn't difficult to figure out he was the type to have boundaries. He probably didn't appreciate someone trying to dig into his personal matters.

But it was eating at you, like an itch beneath the skin. You sat quietly for a few seconds, weighing your options. Your heart had started hammering in your chest from the nerves, and he could hear it.

"Your heart is racing," he said observantly, and you felt your face go hot. Damn those enhanced senses of his.

"Are you ill?" he said idly, still not looking in your direction. You shook your head no and took a deep breath.

“I was wondering if your father or mother did that for you when you were a child.” You said finally, trying to ease the quiver in your voice.

He didn't react, not even fractionally, but he did find your attempt at remaining composed, despite how your racing heart betrayed you, amusing.

“Yes."

One word—that was all he gave you. No elaboration. You supposed that was as good an answer as any, and you found yourself nodding slowly, feeling your previous anxieties melt away now that the fear of upsetting him was gone, replaced with feeling distinctly underwhelmed.

His hand had worked around to the back of his head by now, his hair falling down around one shoulder. You watched as his brows pulled together just slightly as he worked on a particularly difficult knot.

You could see what was remaining of his left arm twitch instinctively—the way it might have if he lifted it to reach up towards it, before he stilled it, sighing quietly with frustration.

Perhaps it was difficult to do with just one hand or hard to reach, and suddenly you felt the urge to help.

“Lord Sesshomaru? Would you…may I?" You asked tentatively, gesturing with your hands toward him.

Your nails weren’t like his claws, but they were long enough that they may be similar. 

Sesshomaru looked at you from the corner of his eye; it surprised him a little you had even asked, considering how flustered your earlier question had you, but the offer piqued his interest.

He didn’t say anything, just dropped his hand down into his lap. You took the gesture as a 'yes' and moved closer to him. Sitting up on your knees behind him, you pulled it back from his shoulder.

Your fingers quickly found the knot and, being as gentle as possible, began to detangle it. The last thing you wanted was to accidentally yank too hard and receive a claw in the arm.

You had to keep your hands from shaking as you worked; you'd never touched him like this, never even been this close to him before.

His hair felt like silk in your hands as you parted it into sections. He smelled good too. You couldn't quite pinpoint what the scent was. It was a woodsy sort of musk, like the smell of the forest after it rained. Clean. Fresh.

Sesshomaru’s stiff posture relaxed ever so slightly at your touch; he recognized, rather distantly, that it had been a long time since he’d been shown any sort of affection.

The sensation of your nails scraping against his scalp, combined with your quiet, lilting hum, faintly reminded him of how it felt when his mother did this to him and sometimes even his father.

“There we go, all done,” you said, letting his hair drape down his back.

He stood up then, and without any words or even a sparing glance in your direction, he disappeared into the night, your heart still thrumming in your chest as you watched him go.

Sesshomaru walked through the woods; he had no real direction, he just needed space. The interaction had brought up memories and stirred some emotions in him he hadn’t experienced in a long time.

Contrary to what many would believe, he wasn't only capable of feeling anger and hatred. In fact, the steely demon often felt many different emotions, but he refused to show them to anyone; they were his own matters.

He had perfected the art of detachment; there were things that concerned him and things that did not, and regardless of whichever it may be, or how it affected him, he would not give in to reaction.

That was partially why he spent so much time alone; wandering aloofly allowed him time to ponder the feelings he kept hidden and work through them. One could not maintain such a cold exterior without it. 

He didn’t return to the camp until much later in the night. You had fallen asleep by then, curled up in the same spot he left you. At some point Rin must have woken up because she was now snuggled against your side.

He was quite taken with how quickly the young girl had come to enjoy your company; being afraid of humans was something he knew would manifest into a problem for her as she grew, and it brought him a sense of relief that she was now able to interact with one of her own. 

As he sat down beside you both, you shifted, still asleep and only mildly aware of your surroundings. Sesshomaru looked down at you as you tossed and turned, and, in your dazed state, you pulled yourself closer to him, resting your head against his mokomoko.

He stiffened in place, but before he could react further, Rin followed suit, clumsily climbing closer to you both, also taking advantage of his presence as she curled up against his fur.

He sat there, eyeing the two of you as one would stare down a dangerous insect or perhaps a snake, but he didn't move, nor would he brush the two of you away, despite it being his first instinct.

Begrudgingly, he thought of the mighty laugh his father may have had at his expense had he lived long enough to see this now.

"Not so different, are we, Sesshomaru?" His father's phantom voice echoed in his head.

He tore his eyes away from the two sleeping girls at his side, staring straight ahead with all the resoluteness a demon of his standing should have. He scowled at the thought; I am not like Father, he lied to himself. 

As dawn broke and the larks chirping lulled you from sleep, you became aware of the feeling of soft fur beneath your fingers and against your face. Your eyes cracked open in the dim morning light, you looked up, and your heart nearly skipped a beat.

Sesshomaru was there watching you; you were on your side, leaning against him, head propped up against his thigh. What's worse is that you were cuddling his fur.

Embarrassed, you quickly moved to sit up, but he placed his hand on your back, holding you still. 

“You’ll wake Rin.”

You looked down to see that Rin was curled up against your chest; she also held onto his fur, pressing her face into it as she slept. You felt conflicted but obeyed, settling back down against him.

You dug your elbow into the ground beneath you, discreetly trying to take some pressure off of him. With your other arm, you wrapped it around Rin, keeping her close.

You were wide awake now, mind racing over the strangeness of the situation. It seemed he didn’t mind you being so close, but you remained stiff nonetheless, barely breathing, not wanting to cause him any discomfort.

You stayed quiet despite the strain you felt in your muscles from trying to keep your weight off of him in such an awkward position.

You suddenly felt his hand move up against the side of your head, his claws lightly pressed against your scalp. You held your breath as a nervous feeling began turning in your stomach, but it was quickly replaced with surprise when he began to gently run them through your hair, just as he did with Rin.

And, more importantly, the way you'd done for him.

His touch was very light and gentle as he worked; you could barely feel any pull from the tangles as he brushed it through to the ends. Was he, trying to return the favour? Your stomach fluttered, for once, not from nerves, but from a warm, light feeling.

Without realizing it, you'd slowly began to sink back against him, the tiredness creeping back up as you relaxed, feeling safe and content. It wasn’t long before you had fallen back asleep.

Across the fire pit, Jaken had awoken and was now gawking at his lord’s current position. Sesshomaru glared daggers at him, effectively instilling a sufficient amount of fear into the imp.

Without a word, Jaken got up to busy himself with fetching water, rather than further anger his lord.

Yet again, Sesshomaru had taken to another human, Jaken thought to himself in disbelief. It was surprising enough that Rin had come to stay with them, worming her way into his frigid heart, but now this woman as well?