#jake reader

the orange glow of the late afternoon sun made the college library feel weirdly cozy. different from the mornings when you had to work, when the place was just painfully cold and way too bright, enough to see tiny dust particles floating in the air if you focused hard enough. working there wasn’t that bad, aside from the boredom and the monotony of doing the same tasks over and over again. the paycheck covered your weekend concerts and your impulsive online shopping sprees, so whatever.

you were sitting on the swivel chair - headphones resting around your neck, messy bun, smudged eyeliner, flavorless gum in your mouth - behind the oak counter, scanning and cataloging a few new titles that had arrived earlier that day. you picked them up one by one, stuck the barcode label on, registered them on the website, and tossed them into the cart beside you. you’d shelve them later.

you were paying attention to everything and nothing at the same time. a group of students had taken over one of the study rooms, two girls were studying together near a table by the windows, and an old lady wandered around looking for the next book she’d reserve.

the calm of the day was interrupted when mr. clint’s nasal voice echoed behind you.

“yn, i’d like to introduce you to your new shift partner”

you stopped what you were doing and sighed before spinning around in your chair, ready to deliver your best uninterested “hi,” but your eyebrows shot up instantly. behind the old man stood a guy who looked like he’d walked straight out of some cliché teenage romance movie.

he wore a plaid shirt over a white tee, light-wash jeans, and a backpack slung lazily over one shoulder. his brown hair was slightly messy and, behind a pair of glasses that kept slipping down his nose, dark attentive eyes shined like a puppy’s. he gave you a goofy, almost shy smile and lifted his hand in a simple wave.

“jake, yn. yn, jake,” clint added. “hope you two get along”

what the hell is a guy like this doing here? it wouldn’t be weird to see someone like him at a campus football game or promoting some frat party down the hallways, but here?

“is there a problem?” the old man asked, noticing your silence and confused expression, making your eyes widen as you quickly shook your head, trying to look normal again. hopefully the shock wasn’t that obvious.

“none! it’s a pleasure… the job sucks, hope you know that” you said casually before turning back to what you were doing.

you heard jake’s soft laugh and mr. clint clicking his tongue, probably paired with the eye roll you’d witnessed at least a hundred times before. it didn’t take long before they left again, going back to the little orientation tour and leaving you alone once more.

since your shift started at 1pm and ended at 6pm, you always left the last - and most unbearable - task for 5pm. that way you never finished it and could dump it on the idiot from the night shift; a nearly forty-year-old guy who had hit on you on your first day. you pushed the book cart between the shelves, searching for the right sections and double-checking alphabetical order to put the new books away.

one of the cart’s metal wheels made an irritating scraping sound against the wooden floor; the screw was loose and apparently the college’s finance department couldn’t care less about the dozens of emails you’d sent asking for a new one. you had been listening to music earlier, but your playlist had ended, leaving you with the library’s sepulchral silence.

“did you know that, technically, time passes slower at the top of a mountain than at sea level because of gravitational time dilation?”

the unfamiliar voice caught you off guard, making your body jolt and your hands tighten around the cart’s handle. your heart, which had been beating calmly, suddenly sped up, leaving your legs weak.

“holy-, you scared me” you complained, frowning and placing a hand over your chest as you turned around. jake was there, leaning against the shelf. he held a thick applied physics book that almost slipped from his fingers when he got startled by your reaction.

“shit, sorry! my bad…” he sucked air through his teeth. “wasn’t my intention, it’s just that we… i mean, we couldn’t really introduce ourselves and i thought-” he ran a hand through his hair and then pushed his glasses back up his nose, like a nervous tic. “and this book is amazing, you know? it’s fascinating how einstein predicted that before we even had atomic clocks to prove it. it’s like reality is just a suggestion, you get it?” he smiled awkwardly, glancing away.

unbelievable.

you figured he had to have some flaw. maybe he’d gotten written up for hooking up in the locker room and getting caught by the janitor, maybe he was failing some insanely hard class and the boring library job was his only option; especially since the position had been open for months and literally no one had applied. you just didn’t expect him to be an incurable nerd who tangled himself in his own words because he couldn’t keep up with the speed of his thoughts and somehow knew everything about every possible subject. and the worst part? he was so pretty you might not even care.

“sounds awesome. i don’t know shit about that, but that’s definitely impressive” you crossed your arms, looking up at him with a subtle smile.

and he kept going. he spoke at a moderate volume - his voice would crack mid-sentence whenever he realized he was getting too loud - gesturing, pulling faces, and you followed every single one of them, studying his perfect face, thick brows, slightly big nose, well-shaped lips. he also was a good few centimeters taller than you. not to mention his veiny hands showing whenever he grabbed the cart to help you push it.

jake was stupidly attractive and completely clueless about it. the way he bit his lower lip while thinking, the way his eyes drifted upward trying to find simpler words to explain something to you, or when he hurried to place a book on the highest shelf, stretching his arm and leaning toward you.

and that’s how, over the course of an entire hour, he talked so much that somehow the topic went from einstein to rpg systems, and you ended up shelving all the books together.

“it’s just that the final boss has a 40% elemental damage resistance, which totally breaks the mage build, so in that case the best option would be a tank knight-”

your alarm went off inside your apron pocket, cutting him off.

“shift’s over,” you said simply, turning off the repetitive sound.

“for real?! i thought it’d drag more…” he licked his lips, looking at you. the two of you held each other’s gaze for a few seconds. “so, uhm… can i get your number? i’ve got, like, the perfect video to show you about that turn rotation i was talking about” he explained, and you held back a laugh before handing him your phone, he didn’t needed to explain you had given it to him anyway.

you waited while he typed his number in and gave it back so you could save it and send him a dot just so he’d have yours too.

“well… that’s it. congrats on your surviving first day” you teased, already reaching behind your back to untie the knot of your uniform, exposing the band tee you wore underneath. his eyes scanned carefully.

“thanks, i guess?” he gave you a confused, amused look. “you’re leaving already?”

“mhm. if i stay more than five minutes past my shift it’s like my soul starts leaking out of my pores” you mimicked dramatically, twisting your arms with a funny face. “and i wouldn’t recommend staying either, or clint’s gonna ask you to cover the night shift too”

you turned your back with a small wave in the air and headed toward the tiny staff room, pushing the door open and going straight to your locker. you shoved the apron in carelessly, grabbed your bag, let your hair down, and got ready to leave.

***

the walk home felt longer than usual. you normally rushed it, headphones in, mind somewhere else, but this time you caught yourself thinking about your new coworker more than once. you didn’t understand shit about physics, and you’d never played anything remotely close to an rpg. honestly, your only real concerns lately were what to wear to the cover show you were going to that weekend and what kind of makeup you’d do.

still… you hated admitting it. he was adorable.

and somehow, your peaceful, painfully boring job had just become the most interesting part of your day.

[jake🤓🐶]: hii, it’s jake. from work! hahah [jake🤓🐶]: after i left i realized we didn’t actually talk about ourselves at all. that was my fault… i always end up talking too much about the stuff i like… [jake🤓🐶]: you can tell me to stop! i mean, my friends do that sometimes. [jake🤓🐶]: anyway! tomorrow i’ll definitely talk less and let you talk more! [jake🤓🐶]: so see you tomorrow? [jake🤓🐶]: oh yeah i was about to forget. this is the video i was talking about! [jake🤓🐶]: link attached [jake🤓🐶]: it’s literally the best way to defeat a high-level boss in dxd! but of course you’d still need a bit of luck with the dice to roll a crit or something close to that [jake🤓🐶]: … i did it again 🫩 [jake🤓🐶]: so sorry, really. see you

lying in bed, already halfway ready to call it a day and sleep, you covered your eyes with your forearm and smiled at absolutely nothing after finishing his messages. ew. you felt like a pre-teen.

[you]: i’ll watch it! see you tomorrow!

***

as the days went by, the closeness between you and jake grew almost miraculously. not that it couldn’t have happened naturally, considering you worked the same afternoon shifts, but despite all the differences that made you orbit distant galaxies - you with your worn combat boots and smudged eyeliner, him with his geek-print t-shirts and the curiosity of someone still discovering the world - you still chose to get to know each other little by little.

like the night he practically tortured you through chat messages talking about some damn console he’d found at an antique shop, only to bring it in his backpack the next day and hook it up to the old monitor behind the library counter.

he spent a full twenty minutes explaining pixel logic and how the gameplay was “revolutionary for its time,” while you just watched his hands messing with the cables, amused by his excitement. when you finally started playing, he was confident, giving you tips on how to hold the controller and how to get the timing right. but by the second round? you got the hang of it. one quick move and you smashed his score on the screen.

“no way” jake stared at the screen with his lips parted before looking at you. “how???”

“just pressing the buttons… seemed pretty easy to me” you teased, making a smug little face.

“yeah right… that’s beginner’s luck!” he said, rolling his eyes, face all red and flustered, pretending to be annoyed even though the tiny smile tugging at his mouth betrayed him completely.

or the time your favorite band had surprise-dropped a remastered album and for an entire week literally everything that came out of your mouth was about it. poor jaeyun got so curious he said he wouldn’t mind if you played it during break.

and that’s exactly how you started spending every break together in the staff area (cubicle), sitting on the floor, shoulders brushing, sharing a bag of chips, one earbud each, your phone replaying your playlists while his soft, slightly citrusy perfume mixed with the smell of old paper.

“shut up, this is literally one of the best ones!” you’d exclaim, nudging him lightly with your elbow after he called the lyrics “exotic”. you’d close your eyes and rest your head against the locker behind you, taking a small pause while he laughed under his breath at the way you protested like he’d insulted a family member.

when you opened your eyes again, he’d still be paying attention to the music, drumming his fingers on his thigh, before turning to you with a wide smile. you hated when he did that, it was unfair that he was that pretty in every tiny detail. you’d smile back automatically, feeling your stupid heart take off at a full gallop.

the tension between you evolved as you both became less ignorant about the interest you clearly showed in each other. like the day you were on the verge of a nervous breakdown over an epistemology and statistics assignment. seriously, why would a humanities major require math of any kind? couldn’t you just… use a calculator or ask google? you huffed, slumped over the table and papers when jake nudged you, asking to see it and almost instantly offering help.

“let me help you, yeah?” he gently took the pencil you were holding loosely between your fingers. “the epistemology part here is simple if you apply the law of large numbers to validate the statistical sample the prompt gives you” he explained calmly, in that soft didactic tone of his, dragging his chair closer to sit beside you.

jake solved the questions one by one, filling the pages with his tiny, rounded handwriting, a mix of print and cursive, explaining step by step while you barely paid attention; your focus entirely on the cute sound of his breathing and the profile of his nose illuminated by the nearby desk lamp.

“and if we isolate the variable-” he stopped, realizing you were staring at him instead of the paper. he cleared his throat, laughing awkwardly, eyebrows lifting quickly. “want me to explain that part again?”

“uhm?” you looked down at the paper and then back at him. “no need. i got it. you’re good at explaining…” you murmured softly, holding back your smile when you saw him stutter a little, completely shy, before returning to the assignment.

but you’d bet the most challenging day was when you both decided to get some air behind the library, where there were a few patio chairs with umbrellas and the herbology department’s garden, full of different little plants. jake was reading some random comic, occasionally adjusting his glasses and licking his lips in a way that was way too attractive for you to ignore. you watched him while pulling a cigarette from your pocket, lighting it and taking a slow drag, blowing the smoke to the opposite side and lazily tilting your head toward your shoulder. what you didn’t expect was that in the brief moments you drifted off into nothing, his eyes were watching you back.

“you know something?” he closed the comic and leaned back better in the chair. “you are like the coolest person i have ever met”

you were completely caught off guard by the compliment, one that would’ve sounded cheap coming from anyone else, but from him felt like one of the sweetest things you’d ever heard. you blushed and shook your head, embarrassed. he didn’t take it back, though.

“do you wanna try?” he had once said he’d never smoked, but the curious look in his eyes now suggested he might be tempted.

“i-i don’t know if i should…”

“well, it’s not a crime”

you finished for him, leaning forward and extending your hand to pass the burning tobacco, watching him take it carefully, his eyes flicking from your face to the cigarette and back. “relax… inhale slowly and breathe calmly when the smoke gets about here” you pointed to his throat.

“promise you won’t laugh if i cough?”

he did as you said, squeezing his eyes shut when they watered, managing a tiny drag before releasing the smoke, lips pressed together and brow furrowed.

“wow… like a pro, huh?” he handed it back to you, laughing hoarsely.

“i guess it’s because my mom made me use an inhaler every day when i was little” he added casually, and that made you burst out laughing, not because you were mocking him, but because it was such a jake thing to say, like he hadn’t looked insanely hot just seconds ago exhaling smoke.

“good boy… that’s better for your health” you said simply, taking another drag before scrolling through your phone on the small table.

“why do you smoke then?” he asked, pretending not to care about the praise you’d thrown at him, sinking deeper into his chair while watching you.

“got to keep it cool for you i guess…” you taunted, using the word he’d said earlier, making him laugh softly and kick your chair.

***

and of course, there was the complicated part too.

the library job itself wasn’t hard, that was the best thing about it. people rarely asked for help beyond reservations. most of the regulars knew exactly what they wanted, how long they’d stay. it was the easiest job in the world.

it hadn’t happened out of nowhere too. it started after two girls noticed him while he was fixing the flyers on the shelves. they practically melted when he hurried to help one of them pick up the pencils that had fallen from her case after he accidentally bumped into her.

you couldn’t even blame them. he really was… something.

after that, of course they started coming back more often. and not just them, a few other girls too. they’d stop by the counter asking random questions, clearly annoyed when you were the one answering while jake just stood beside you nodding along. some of the bolder ones would lean over the wooden counter when you were alone and ask if you knew where the “cute employee” was.

“have you tried the law section? he had some books to shelve there” you’d say flatly, not even bothering to look her in the eye.

“yeah… maybe he went on break?”

“maybe” you’d shrug, unimpressed.

“i really needed to talk to him, he recommended a game earlier but i forgot the name… do you perhaps have his number so you could pass it to me?”

you’d let a small smile tug at your lips before finally looking up at her, raising your brows in a way that made your shock at the audacity very clear and enough for her to shift awkwardly, mutter a quiet “whatever” and walk away.

“i’m back, did i miss anything?” you’d hear a few minutes later, jake sitting by your side and already splitting the stack of books to catalog together.

“nothing at all.”

and in moments like that, you felt so selfish it hurted.

it was almost impossible that jake felt anything beyond the happiness of having a friend at work instead of just someone to exchange half-words with. for you, liking someone so out of your league felt ridiculous. he was different, smart, beautiful, too kind for his own good, so you didn’t try.

but you weren’t about to hand him over to the competition either.

***

after all, being jake’s friend wasn’t hard. you had learned how to listen to his monologues, and in return he’d gotten scarily good at reading every single one of your moods just by the look on your face. you talked about everything… well, almost everything. he didn’t exactly have much experience, and you were actively avoiding romantic topics after your last thing with a jackass you’d met at some indie bar.

after two months, all your friends knew about him, and all his friends knew about you. by the third month, you’d installed a few casual games just to play with him on discord calls, and he’d even bought some cds from bands you liked so you could listen to them together.

and still, you rarely hung out outside of work.

maybe because you saw each other every single day.

so you were genuinely surprised when he invited you somewhere.

“a friend invited me to a party” he brought it up while you were both dusting the tables before the shift ended. “i said i’d think about it. i get kinda lost in those environments, i don’t know…” he said, eyes still lowered.

“have you ever been to one?”

“no” he answered immediately before looking at you. “will you go with me” he added quickly, the words spilling out like if he didn’t throw them up right then they’d get stuck in his throat forever without the courage to actually exist.

“is that an invitation or a demand?” you joked, lifting your gaze to him and catching the way he inhaled sharply before managing to answer.

“i’m begging actually… please?” he pressed his lips into a thin line and straightened his posture, holding the dust cloth stiffly at his side. oh. he was serious.

“i’ll have to check my schedule…” you sighed dramatically, putting on a brief little act just to watch his shoulders slump again, like a puppy getting tired of waiting for its owner to throw the ball. you laughed when you looked at him again and found him still staring. “just kidding. send me the details” finally said, watching his face light up instantly. “and you’re washing the cloths this time!” you tossed the rag in his direction. jake caught it midair with a soft nasal laugh and looked at you quietly, that strange little sense of victory blooming in his chest.

***

the atmosphere of the party was a sensory shock. the air, saturated with the smell of cheap beer, chlorine, and the sweet vapor of vapes, felt heavy in your lungs as you tried to make your way through bodies. you had expected something lowkey, maybe a bunch of nerds debating rpg mechanics on a couch, not that the friend in question would be the fucking evan lee, aka the most desired guy on campus for countless reasons, including the fact that his parties were always a straight-up project x knockoff.

his house looked like a human anthill. the dj, clearly high, distorted the bass until it vibrated through the structure of the place, and every scream coming from the beer pong table or the crowd watching bottle-flip challenges seemed to crank the temperature higher. people sprawled over couches and bean bags, others making out in hallways, girls in micro shorts and bikinis. everything in excessive amounts.

you couldn’t lie, you’d been to plenty of these. way before college, actually, when your high school friend group would lie to their parents about sleepovers for “early projects” and end up in random basements of houses owned by people you’d never seen before. but ever since a bit of common sense had finally settled in your brain, you preferred cover gigs, bars, clubs. here, under the led lights and the frenzy of campus popularity - where you recognized more faces than you’d like - everything felt too loud.

you checked your phone again in his chat, making sure there were no new messages.

[jake🤓🐶]: im already here [you]: wtf? ur being dead serious? [jake🤓🐶]: yes... why? it was saying 11pm [you]: i know but parties like this never start at the right time [jake🤓🐶]: but like are you coming already? [you]: in 30min??? im doing my makeup [jake🤓🐶]: by then my anxiety will have eaten me alive, i’ll have a breakdown, collapse, hit my head and die of cranial trauma [you]: boooo👎🏻 stop that, crybaby

your eyes scanned the pool area, water splashing rhythmically whenever someone jumped in, then drifted back inside the house searching for that familiar silhouette: hair pushed back, shoulders slightly curved. it was impossible not to feel a pinch of anxiety too; the idea of jake, with his golden retriever energy and slipping glasses, loose in that sea of social sharks was almost concerning. you stepped up on a stair to get a better view of the backyard, ignoring some guy who smelled like straight tequila bumping into you.

and then you saw him.

in a more isolated corner of the veranda, away from the epicenter of the dance floor but still swallowed by the buzz, jake stood near a snack table. he looked like a cute island of discomfort. he held a red cup with both hands like it was a shield in front of his chest and talked to a guy who clearly just wanted access to the pretzel bowl.

even from afar you noticed that there was a damp stain on the shoulder of his shirt - probably from someone spilling a drink - and in an automatic gesture he pushed his glasses up with his wrist while starting to gesture, possibly explaining the aerodynamics of a bullet dive to absolutely no one in particular, just because that was the only strategy his brain had developed for when he got nervous.

the chaos of the party seemed to lower its volume the moment you spotted him. he was, without a doubt, the most out-of-place thing there, and for you, the only one that made sense to look for.

you walked through the crowd and loud laughter until you reached the boy, and when jake’s eyes finally found yours, the brightness that burst out of them was instant. relief mixed with astonishment. the random trapped in the physics monologue didn’t even say goodbye; he just took the opening and disappeared.

jake looked you up and down, swallowing hard as he processed the image. at the library, you were the flare jeans and sneakers and customized shoes girl. but here, under the erratic party lights, you looked like something else entirely. the skirt, the spiked belt, the fuzzy animal print jacket outlining your body. it short-circuited his brain.

took him a full minute to process your “hi” and when he finally reacted, he leaned in with clumsy urgency to leave a quick kiss on your cheek, his face heating up at the scent of your perfume.

“you look gorg-” he started, only to be interrupted by a group passing behind you carrying a massive bucket of ice, forcing you to step forward with an awkward smile. the space between you vanished, leaving you almost pressed against his chest; the poor boy lost every ounce of ability to finish his sentence.

“idiots…” you muttered under your breath, stepping back once they disappeared through the sliding doors. “anyway, why didn’t you tell me your friend was the evan lee?” you looked up at him, arms crossed.

“i tutor him on wednesdays… he’s not really a friend friend” he explained, his voice coming out a little rougher than usual.

jake tried to maintain eye contact, but the proximity was a trap; his gaze dropped involuntarily to your cleavage before he forced it away, releasing a heavy breath like he was trying to remember literally anything other than the fact that for the first time in his life he felt a very physical urge to touch something.

“i don’t know…” he admitted shyly. “truth is, i don’t really know anyone here… i don’t even know what i’m supposed to do” his tone was low, only you could hear it over the music.

that vulnerability was the dirty hit. jake was unbearably lovable exactly because of that innocence. he wasn’t one of those guys who filled their phone storage collecting random girls’ nudes, nor was he the smelly nerd who forgot basic hygiene in the name of academic decathlons. he was clean, smelled good, ridiculously handsome, and had this genuine purity about the trivialities of social life that made you want to protect him from everything. seeing him there, so misplaced and so honest, made your heart jolt.

you were fucked.

you bit your lower lip, internally debating whether to just kiss him already and ruin any chance of preserving the friendship, or show him how to actually enjoy the party since you were already there and finals would start in two weeks. another excuse for the two of you to unwind a little.

“well… you don’t wanna go home yet, right?” you pouted slightly, tilting your head as he quickly shook his. “then let’s grab some drinks” you grabbed the denim jacket he was wearing and pulled.

you had a determined smile on your lips while jake let out endless “sorry” “excuse me” “my bad” like he was asking permission from the air itself to exist, as you crossed the packed living room until you reached the improvised bar in what looked like lee’s parents’ small wine cellar.

you scanned the menu written on cardboard with a disturbing amount of glitter and nudged his arm, encouraging him to pick one of the suspiciously named drinks. he alternated his gaze between the colorful letters and your face, laughing in pure indecision, genuinely grateful that you took the lead and chose for both of you.

the song blasting was straight 2000s pop nostalgia, making you sway lightly without caring, aware of his shy glances dropping to your hips, caught by the movement of your skirt and the metal details of your belt. jenny by studio killers was playing somewhere in the background and your ego mocked you internally.

jake’s head was an absolute mess of sensations. the denim jacket suddenly felt too warm over his shirt; the loud music made his organs vibrate in a rhythm he couldn’t predict; the inevitable brushing of sweaty skin against strangers… and most of all, you, in that damn outfit outlining every curve and doing violent things to his imagination, challenging the logic of just coworkers.

when the drinks were ready, you lifted your plastic cup with a casual “cheers” taking a long sip and watching over the rim as jake tried to imitate you, only to pull the most priceless grimace seconds later.

“okay. what the fuck is in this?” he coughed, throat burning.

“you don’t wanna know” you laughed, already feeling the light buzz hit your empty stomach.

and as if the stimulation wasn’t enough, seconds later jake felt a sudden weight on his shoulders. none other than evan appeared, clearly deep into drunken territory but radiating that captive energy of someone who owned the house and half the campus.

“heyy, if it isn’t my boy and… with a hot girl?! wow, i knew you had potential, jakey, but not this much…” he said to jake without taking his eyes off you; a crooked smile forming as he shamelessly stared at your cleavage and the pendants resting between your breasts. “wait, i know you, right? yn from anthropology… you called mr. nero sexist or something in the first week! holy shit!”

evan laughed loudly, beer breath hitting jake straight in the face, making his eyes water from the sting. he leaned his weight against the nerd’s shoulder to avoid collapsing, the bottle in his hand threatening to slip as he swayed.

“damn… you hit the jackpot, buddy…” he looked at jake, who stared at the situation with slightly furrowed brows, caught between embarrassment and confusion. “you know what they say… the ones who hate men are the best in bed”

he whispered it in what he clearly thought was a low tone, but it landed directly in both your ears.

jake’s ears burned a violent shade of red, the raw bluntness of the drunk comment hitting his shyness dead center. he was not subtle. evan chuckled, ruffled jake’s brown hair messily, and staggered away, but not before throwing you a wink.

the silence left between you and jake was palpable, loaded with a new, strange vulnerability that the comment had dragged. he stood frozen, unsure where to look, feeling the weight of that insinuation hovering between your spiked belt and his glasses. you held each other’s gaze for a few seconds, the bold words still floating in the air. then you, either to break the tension or to deal with the sudden heat crawling up your own neck, tipped back the rest of your drink in one sharp motion, nodding for jake to do the same before turning to order another round from the girl behind the counter.

***

the two of you were already on the fourth drink each, alternating between sips of that indecipherable mix and observations about the ecosystem of the party. you shared some random gossip about the people walking by, standing on your tiptoes to whisper into his ear; the warmth of your voice and the sudden proximity made jake bite his lower lip, keeping the corner of his eyes on you. at times, you steadied yourself with your palm pressed against his abdomen, feeling the firmness beneath his shirt, especially now that your balance was beginning to float and the floor seemed slightly tilted.

jake widened his eyes at every touch, and the urge to hold you by the waist was automatic whenever your legs faltered, his hands hovering in the air before settling the touch, making you laugh to yourself at the exaggerated care.

"you good there?" he asked quietly, bending his body to be able to look at you up close.

"i'm fiiine" you confirmed cheerfully, trying to rise above the volume of the music and failing; obviously.

you wondered - in some part of your consciousness that drifted far from reality sometimes - why he still seemed so under control. maybe he was one of those guys with strong genes for alcohol, who would take centuries to completely loosen up.

you looked at him with a silent challenge and then, after placing your cup on the counter and taking his from his hand doing the same, you grabbed the boy's arm with determination. taking a few steps back, pulling him out of the safe little corner where he was leaning.

"you know what? i think there's one last thing missing for you to fully experience a college party..."

jake looked without understanding, giving in very reluctantly while his feet were dragged by yours.

"yn, i think we've already overdone it..." he denied smiling, that smile of someone who is about to be convinced to do something reckless.

"uhm uhm" you shook your head, the expression in your face being the same as a mischievous child. "you're going to dance with me first..."

"oh… no no no" he refused placing his hand gently over yours trying to pull away. "i'm terrible at these things"

"pretty please? it'll be just a little..." you pouted and he froze.

and for god's sake, jake stuttered with the air he breathed, feeling his own fingers tighten on the hem of his jacket, his heart stopped and came back irregularly. he followed you, half uncertain, half hypnotized, to the center where the bodies danced and where disco lights, colored lasers and tutti-frutti scented smoke wrapped around everything.

"i've never danced like this..." the brunette looked around trying to find any example he could use to imitate, but none of that was possible, in public even less.

"just feel the music..." you urged, disappearing a little more into that human wave, while jake was sucked into the whirlwind that was being by your side.

and when you started dancing, for him, it was as if the world around lost focus and slowed down just so he could watch that scene.

you were so freaking beautiful.

blue and yellow beams cut through the dimness, lighting up your face, your makeup and the shine of your piercings, which became small sparkling blurs thanks to his nearsightedness, since his glasses insisted on not cooperating in that stuffy humidity.

his tense jaw from before dropped a little, his hands inert at his sides while he watched the sensual way you moved.

your fingers traced from your hip up to your neck in a fluid gesture, and when your eyes closed and you tilted your head back, jake felt the air in his lungs thinning. it was then that you took the final step: you grabbed his wrists and brought him into an unimaginable nearness, guiding his hands - which were sweating with anticipation - so that they fixed on your waist, following every movement you made.

your hand moved up his shirt until it reached the collar, curling your fingers there with a possessiveness that made him lose the ground. you pulled him down, forcing him to bend his posture until your faces were dangerously close, to the point that he could feel your breath and the scent of the drink mixed with your smell.

"imagine it's just me and you" you whispered, but the lip reading and the intention were so evident that he didn't need sound to understand.

jake nodded instinctively, his heart beating so hard that he was sure you could feel it through the layers of clothing. in that moment, logic, algebra studies and paralyzing shyness were replaced by something new; desire, in its most primitive form. his fingers closed with a little more strength on you, and he stopped fighting the environment. under the effect of the lasers and the absurd enclosure, his 'little world' reduced itself to the square meter where you brushed against each other to the beat of the music.

***

song after song, the minutes got lost between little comments and bass, sentences left hanging in the air, with no importance whatsoever compared to what was happening on a carnal level. jake was no longer just a spectator he moved with you, in sync, one of his thighs positioned between your legs while he felt his head spiral with the way you intentionally grinded, challenging every ounce of self-control he had left.

in an impulsive movement, thanks to a courage he didn’t even know where it came from, he made you turn your back to him, pressing your lower back against him; if his body were a machine, it would be in a critical state of overheating. his lips, damp and warm, brushed against your neck in a shy graze that soon became more provocative, while his thumbs slipped under your shirt from below, mapping your waist and feeling the unfair way your ass rubbed against his covered cock. jake was rock hard in there, even panting, his vision blurred and his judgment completely clouded.

"yn..." he murmured your name like it was a prayer or a cry for help.

he lost count of how many times the thought of kissing you crossed his mind, and he internally tormented himself for not being able to look away from your cleavage, which became even more exposed with the friction of your bodies. he tried shaking his head to chase the ideas away, pushing his glasses up with a trembling finger and wiping the sweat from the corners of his eyes, but he was surrendered. all it would take was for you to turn to him with those spoiled eyes and he would give up resisting.

"i wanted to do something..." you admitted, turning back to face him, pressing yourself against him to wrap your arms around his neck. "but i would hate if you ended up hating me for it" the words came out like a breath against his skin. jake paid attention, the world outside slowly ceasing to exist.

"i would never hate you" he laughed, biting his lower lip as usual while staring at you.

"are you sure? what if you"

you didn’t even get to finish. driven by a desperate decision, he himself ended the short distance between you in a brief seal, a touch of lips that lasted only a second before he pulled back slightly, looking at you for approval and dying of fear of your reaction.

"sorry, yn, i-i"

but you didn’t give space for the apology. you slid your hands from the back of his neck to his face, holding the boy’s cheeks and kissing him for real.

holy fuck

jake numbed. his wide eyes behind the lenses took at least five seconds to close, his brain processing that this wasn’t an alcohol-induced delusion. it took him even longer to relax his tense posture, but when he finally did, it was like a dam breaking.

his hands slid down urgently to your ass, squeezing it while his slender body curved over yours, giving in to the rhythm you dictated. when you deepened the kiss, asking for his tongue, jake let out a low sound in his throat, a mix of surprise and total surrender.

your mouths clashed in a needy, messy kiss that had been stored away for months, a tension accumulated between bookstore shelves that finally exploded. jake bit your lower lip with an urgency you didn’t expect, before tilting his head to the side and fitting the kiss perfectly against yours; it was sloppy, full of saliva, even starting to drip. you let out small sniffles, feeling your body soften in his arms. he definitely didn’t kiss like a nerd and there was no way to tell if he was just learning fast under pressure or if he had been hiding that talent all along.

you only pulled apart when someone, in a hard shove, hit his shoulder, making your teeth clash together. the scare disconnected your swollen lips, leaving you both staring at each other under the strobe lights, breathless. the air between you was heavy, dense, and neither of you wanted to stop yet.

"let’s go to my place..." you asked, your fingers still tangled in his hair, subtly pulling him closer; if that was even possible.

jake didn’t argue. there was no logical analysis, no concern about the time or what his dormmate would think since he was always home by 11pm at the latest.. he just held your hand and pulled you through the crowd until you found the house’s exit.

the cool night air hit your faces, but the desire still burned. you didn’t even know it, but jake had a scooter parked nearby; a small bike in coffee tones that, strangely enough, looked just like him.

he guided you to where the vehicle was and you couldn’t hold back a laugh.

"what?" he asked, looking over his shoulder while opening the compartment to grab an extra helmet for you.

"isn’t this way too imprudent, mr. jake sim?" you teased, amused, watching him approach.

jake didn’t answer immediately. he stopped in front of you, focusing on putting the helmet on your head, fastening the buckle with almost surgical care. his face was serious, concentrated, but that broke when he held your chin tilting your head a little to look up.

"as if you cared about prudence, miss" he finally replied, in a friendly tone, shrugging and making you raise an eyebrow.

the silent confidence that the alcohol and the kiss had brought him made you want to shove your entire wrist into your mouth. he still helped you get on the back seat and murmured for you to hold on properly which didn’t even take a second to happen, you wrapping your arms around his waist, playfully sliding your restless fingers over the fabric of his plain shirt, feeling his abdomen contract under your touch. jake knew the way. he had the address memorized since the day he offered to lend you his father’s record player. he felt unrecognizable, completely tamed by the need to have you, almost impatient, while you, feeling the wind hit your face and the warmth of his body between your arms, could only regret that your house was ten minutes away and not on the next block.

***

you stumbled in your boots on the stairs, the sound of your heels echoing through the quiet hallway until you finally reached the door of your apartment. you felt your fingers loose, a side effect of the liquor you had downed without thinking earlier, but it was the presence of the boy right behind that truly made you dizzy. when you finally managed to turn the key, you pulled him inside by the wrist in an impatient movement, tossing your bag into some random corner and his jacket into another.

you fell sitting on the edge of the bed when your calves hit it, and you saw jake kneel in front of you without you having to ask. he helped you with the laces of your shoes, his long and agile fingers undoing the complex knots with surprising skill, as if he were solving one of his magic cubes.

by that point, jake looked like a dream in your field of vision; his image was blurred because of the drunkenness, but the tension growing in your womb was very real. needy, you pulled him so he climbed onto the bed and, in a quick movement, switched positions, pulling a surprised gasp from him when you settled onto his lap.

"w-wait..." he tangled in his words, but you didn’t give him time, kissing him again with voracity.

"i fucking can't..." you mewled against the boy’s lips before asking for entrance with your tongue again.

the kiss was deep and deliciously clumsy, hands roaming over bodies that were still discovering each other. jake groped your skin, testing where to touch you and how to grab you, and you responded by lightly scratching his skin with the tips of your nails when you slipped your fingers into the waistband of his jeans, trying to pull the fabric down.

"take it off..." you murmured with a weak but commanding voice, which made jake swallow hard, his adam’s apple jumping in his throat.

"yn, i've never..." his sentence made you stop for a few seconds.

you interrupted the kisses that were now trailing down his sensitive neck, placing your hands on his firm chest and staring at him from above with a pleading expression, your eyes heavy with lust.

"you can tell me to stop then, ikeu..." you challenged in a whisper.

jake couldn’t stop even if his life depended on it. you were too much for him, a force of nature he had no way and no wish to contain. in response, he just pulled you into another urgent kiss, holding the back of your neck. he broke the seal only for a moment to look down, his trembling hands helping with the button and zipper of his own pants. and you moved like a cat in heat on top of him, eager to slide the fabric down his long legs.

your lips traced a trail of fire brushing from his collarbone down to his lightly sculpted abdomen, nibbling the pale skin and licking slowly, feeling the larger body tense. when you reached his pelvis, feeling one of his veins pulse under your wet tongue, you sucked right there making the small moans that escaped him turn into a low groan.

jake looked at your arched body over him, your ass raised and the ends of your hair spread across the sheets, and he cursed softly in a tone you had never heard him use. he was above average, a doctor had once said, which always made him cautious, fearing that any advance would be... overwhelming. but the thought was cut off the second you squeezed him over his underwear, with a curiosity stripped of any hesitation.

"hmm.. big.." you commented, your voice melting, while sliding your hand along his entire length.

"a-h... i-it’s okay if you don’t want to... it can be a little uncomfortable... and i-i don’t mind, we can just..." the instinct to explain and protect activated, and he started talking nonstop, the words tripping.

but the explanation died in his throat when you licked him slowly through the fabric. jake rolled his eyes back, throwing his head against the pillow and feeling his toes curl.

"what do you mean? i like it like that..." you said, with a simplicity that almost destroyed him.

you began spreading wet kisses along his thighs, which instinctively parted to give you more space. meanwhile, your hand continued the work, stroking him over the cotton, which quickly began to darken and dampen where the head rubbed. jake pressed his lips together so tightly they turned white, closing his eyes to try to keep the little control he had left.

until... everything stopped.

the sudden silence was more deafening than the party music. jake, with his head sunk into one of your pillows, stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, waiting for the next touch, the next command, anything. but the only thing he received was the sound of your breathing, which had become strangely light.

he propped himself up on his elbows, his heart still hammering in his chest, and looked down. you were completely passed out, lips slightly parted, cheeks squished and lashes resting. your head lay heavily on one of his thighs, and your hand was still resting over his member, which pulsed and twitched insistently under your now motionless touch.

jake sank back into the bed, letting out a low muffled whine, covering his face with both hands. the realization hit with the weight of a ton: the way the night had escalated, the fact that he had almost let himself be carried away by desire even knowing how much you had drunk, and the perception that he was completely in love with you. the moral panic colliding with the physical frustration of a man. he stayed there, in absolute silence for several long minutes, frozen, afraid to move and wake you.

***

the next morning you woke up feeling like death itself. your hair was full of knots and apparently you had slept in such a crooked position that your neck was even burning with pain on one side. the makeup? printed onto the bed sheets and your clothes twisted on your body. a trail of drool also marked from the corner of your mouth down to your chin. but the worst part was the headache. it wasn’t just pain, it was like someone had personally poured liters and liters of water in there and it was hard even to keep your balance.

after you finally managed to take off your clothes and get into the shower, you stayed almost half an hour there under the warm water, cleaning your face and body, trying to come back down to earth. you remembered very little from the night before. you remembered arriving, drinking, pulling jake to dance and kissing… after that everything had turned into a blur. but judging by the fact that you were at home, he had probably given you a ride.

you left the bathroom wrapped in a towel and went to throw yourself onto the bed again; you would have to change the sheets anyway. you grabbed your phone from the nightstand and noticed the notifications, pulling them down to open.

[jake🤓🐶]: good morning… about yesterday… thank you for going with me to the party. we ended up overdoing it with the drinks and you passed out when we got to your house haha [jake🤓🐶]: i locked your door and slid the key under it, so if you can’t find it just look on the floor… [jake🤓🐶]: i looked it up and you’ll probably wake up feeling bad, so try to eat light things, drink plenty of water and sleep 👍🏻 text me if you need any medicine [you]: hi. yeah, my head is about to explode… but it’s fine. thanks for worrying. hope it was fun for your first party

so no comments about what REALLY happened huh? you wanted to drag the conversation out, but your pride spoke louder, so you just decided you weren’t going to do that on a saturday morning. maybe jake was still processing everything, or maybe it just hadn’t meant anything. you felt a knot in your throat having flashes of the night, his mouth so soft against yours and the hands squeezing your waist, how could that not mean anything? you tossed and turned in bed, kicking your legs.

you got up and went to make something to eat and some chamomile tea to calm down. you spent the whole afternoon under the covers watching a show and only when the sun was setting you decided to get up and go to your computer. usually you and jake played together from that time on, but as soon as you logged into discord, entering the server you shared, ready to join the call where he was, apparently alone, he left; the little green circle around the icon disappeared and he changed his status to invisible. you gave an annoyed smile, squeezing the mouse in your hand.

had you done something beyond the kiss? actually, you clearly remembered that he had been the first to kiss you, regardless of whether the thought had crossed your mind before. you curled up in the chair and brought your finger to your mouth, biting the tip of your nail. your stomach churned, and you couldn’t tell if it was still because of the remnants of the alcohol or because you were feeling guilty and afraid you had ruined everything.

sunday was another day of zero contact. he didn’t even send you some random curiosity in the chat and you had already written and deleted countless attempts to call him. but what would you say? “hey sorry for ruining our friendship”?

in monday’s class your head was in the clouds, you didn’t even talk to your friends who were chatting about some pub they had gone to. you were irritated, if you couldn’t tap your mechanical pencil on the binder, you were biting your nails, and vice versa. you felt like you might die before it was time to go to work, but you didn’t, you just arrived late because you stayed fifteen minutes locked inside one of the college bathroom stalls, going over countless possibilities of what would happen when you saw each other in person.

when you walked in through the back door, heading to the staff room, you saw jake’s things already in the locker, meaning he would be at the counter when you went there. you put on your apron with difficulty and slipped your phone into your pocket before walking over.

jake had his back turned when you passed through the little wooden door, and he gave you a sideways glance, pressing his lips together and nodding… strangely quiet, no rambling about physics, about calculus, no news about superhero movies and games, not asking how your day had been. you felt your lunch come back up your esophagus, but you controlled yourself, sitting down just as silent, and for the first time in 3 months putting your headphones back on.

next to you, jake hunched his shoulders even more, pretending he was focused on reading the comic when his head couldn’t even put two sentences together because it was so overwhelmed with thoughts. he still felt horrible for thinking he had taken advantage of you… he had simply gone from someone with no experience at all to someone awfully bad. he didn’t feel entitled to be your friend anymore, or whatever you really were. his foot kept tapping against the chair support nonstop, making the rest of his body tremble a little. the tasks you used to do together, he split into a spreadsheet that would stay on the library computer. he would handle cleaning the tables, you would organize the counter. you cataloged the books and he shelved them, it was practical, you didn’t even have to talk.

***

a week passed like that. and by friday, both of you were a wreck. it was the first time you had seen jaeyun with dark circles under his eyes. when you were about to leave the locker room, you ran into him as he was coming in just to grab something.

“sorry” you said quietly.

“it’s okay, i’m sorry too,” he replied and then stepped aside, holding the door for you to pass.

you couldn’t even look at each other for more than half a second.

when the door closed you still stood there, staring at the little sign that read ‘staff only’, parting your lips thinking about saying that you didn’t want to keep going like this… that he could at least go back to talking, that you missed the way he talked about things you had zero curiosity about but ended up remembering because the sound of his voice was addicting, how you wanted to know about the games he was playing and if he had customized any other character to look like you…

“yn?” you heard, being pulled forcefully from your trance as jake opened the door again.

“jake…” you replied and looked at him, but nothing came out after that.

“can i get through?” he indicated, pointing down, you were standing in front blocking the way.

“can we talk?” you retorted, looking away and not noticing how at that exact moment the boy blushed and lowered his head.

“l-look, yn… i, i don’t know what to say. what ended up happening last week was a mistake, i admit it. it’s just that…” he said hurried and hesitant, even up close, avoiding you.

his words hit you right in the chest.

he thought it had been a mistake.

your heart hurt. if you had thought your poorly resolved one-night thing had been shitty, this was about to become your biggest trauma. you felt your eyes water, but you held back, smiling and swallowing hard, with difficulty.

“no, you are totally right. it was a mistake. and it won’t be repeated, i am really sorry”

“am i interrupting something?” you both heard a third voice coming from behind. clint approached holding a clipboard. “why is the central counter empty?”

“i was just heading there” jake answered quickly, nodding to the older man and looking at you one more time before leaving.

“and you, ms. yln? any problem?” the nasal voice turned to you.

“no. just… dust allergy” you lied, rubbing your nose with the back of your hand and sniffling before turning around.

***

you couldn’t take it anymore.

after that short and dry dialogue that had felt more like a sentence, everything stayed the same: another week of complete silence, tasks coldly divided and your music playing low in your headphones, in a ridiculous hope that he would start any kind of conversation with you during the afternoon. you were sure that quitting the job was the best thing to do; that way, the worlds that had once collided wouldn’t have to meet again.

you were at the dean’s office, waiting to be called in by mr. clint. you felt nervous, with the sensation that you might throw up at any moment as you stared at your own feet.

“you can come in” the secretary called.

you stood up and walked into the office, watching the old man close a file book and lift his gaze to you. you tightened the strap of your crossbody bag and remained standing.

“anything I can help you?” he went straight to the point.

“mr. clint, i needed to-”

“ah, before you say it, i need to ask you a favor” he cut you off, with a tired voice and demeanor of someone who had already exhausted all options and didn’t want to deal with the matter anymore. “i know you hate it, but i’m going to need you to take the night shift tomorrow. the guy who usually comes is sick”

you froze, mouth slightly open, completely stunned.

“do you think you can do it? want to tell me what brought you here first? if it’s about the new cart… finance still hasn’t released the funds”

there was an immediate internal conflict. maybe if you asked to leave next month… it would be a way to show respect to the job that had paid for your concerts and your clothes until now… it would also give you time to do interviews and find something somewhere else…

“no… it’s fine, i’ll do it” you confirmed with a faint, unenthusiastic smile. “great, i’ll confirm it with jaeyun too” he stood up, already grabbing his phone and walking out of the office, leaving you there with a bitter taste in your mouth.

***

the library at night took on a different vibe. the huge windows weren’t enough for the streetlights and the moon to illuminate the interior, leaving most of the aisles submerged in total darkness since the led lights focused only on the central and study areas. to make it worse, one of those winter rains was falling, the kind that starts slowly and promises to last all night, leaving the air icy. normal hours were until 7pm, which meant that from 8pm till 4am you would stay there with not much to do, just waiting for the moment to open the back gate for the cleaning staff, which consisted of two old ladies.

you arrived carrying a small bag with an energy drink and some sour candies to trick the sleep away. you stored your things in the locker and went back to the counter, feeling the cold crawl up your calves. you hadn’t even bothered to put on the apron, staying only in your tank top with a windbreaker over it. the manager was giving final instructions to jake while you finished adjusting yourself.

“if anything happens, call me or the police, alright?” it was just precaution, according to him, it wasn’t like the campus had some kind of book maniac.

as soon as the man left, the silence of the library seemed to triple in size. jake, without saying a single word, started cataloging some books, adjusting his glasses on his nose from time to time. he had switched the tasks, avoiding any activity that required him to stand still beside you at the counter.

you sighed and put on your headphones, but didn’t press play. you wanted to hear the sound of the rain… you opened a social media app and started scrolling without really seeing anything. the tension between you was like an elephant in the room, a heavy presence that made the air hard to breathe.

jake was only a few meters away, the desk lamp casting dramatic shadows across his face. he seemed more uneasy than usual, and the way he turned the pages was almost mechanical, stripped of that clumsy and goofy little way you loved so much about him. you sighed, feeling your stomach tighten. it was your last chance to understand why the boy who had kissed you so hungrily on the dance floor now acted like you were an unwanted ghost.

suddenly, a louder thunderclap made the windows vibrate. the library lights flickered violently, the filament of the old bulbs letting out a dry snap. jake stopped what he was doing, looking up and then at you. you kept your focus on your phone…

the truth was that those days had been the worst jake had ever faced in his life. worse than the bullying in high school or when he had fucked up his freshman year because he felt so out of place in a class with almost 100 people that he had simply stopped showing up for an entire month. and he swore he tried to understand, he had rationalized the situation in every possible way, he had even written a letter in his phone notes.

he had never felt that before, it was suffocating not to talk to you, not to hear your voice humming songs all afternoon or see your confused expression when he said something bizarrely scientific.

he wanted to comment on the storm outside. he wanted to say he found it interesting how the atmosphere could become a giant conductive plasma in a matter of milliseconds, as if the skies were trying to balance an unbalanced equation… like the two of you in that moment. he held himself back, squeezing the book in his hands, but as soon as he turned ready to say something, you suddenly stood up and grabbed the cart already full of books to shelve them.

of course, he had divided it that way.

jake sank into the chair and threw his head back, huffing and massaging his temples, where was he not understanding? why had everything gotten so strange? why didn’t you seem angry but sad?

you, on the other hand, couldn’t rationalize anything. you pushed the damn broken cart toward the romance section, grabbing three heavier books into your arms before pulling the small ladder to climb. you held on tight, going up at least three steps before starting to rearrange the stories to make space for the new ones.

a harsh flash tore across the sky, lighting up the library windows as if it were daytime, followed by a crack of electricity that seemed to whip against the walls. the thunder came right after, so loud the floor vibrated beneath your feet, and in the same instant, the hum of the machines and the artificial light died. the darkness that followed was absolute. you waited for the click of the emergency lights, but the silence continued.

“great” you muttered into the void. you hugged the books against your chest and felt along the metal ladder, trying to climb down carefully. the mistake was careless: the untied shoelace. as you tried to take the first step, your foot got caught and the world spun. you fell backward, your body hitting the ground with a dry impact while the ladder collapsed beside you with a deafening crash. in the middle of the fall, the back of your head struck one of the shelves behind you.

you let out a sharp groan, curling up on the cold floor. the pain was throbbing. you brought a hand to your head, feeling the spot of impact, praying you wouldn’t feel the sticky warmth of blood.

“yn? yn…!” jake’s shout came from the start of the aisle.

a beam of light appeared - a flashlight that stayed in the second drawer of the counter - and soon he was kneeling beside you, his face pale under the white light. he dropped the flashlight to the side and held your face with both hands, his fingers trembling.

“fuck, i’m sorry. so sorry! no, don’t do it! don’t move! if you hit the back of your head, you can’t turn your neck, the impact could’ve affected your spine or caused a displacement we can’t see! i’m calling an ambulance!”

you hissed in pain, but managed to grab his wrist before he dialed.

“calm down… it was just a fall” you murmured, your voice weak.

“do you have any idea how dangerous a concussion can be? the glasgow coma scale exists for a reason! if you show retrograde amnesia or cognitive dysfunction in the next few hours, that indicates a mild to moderate traumatic brain injury and-” he rambled, words fumbling over while he checked your pupils.

“jake!” you said louder, looking at him firmly despite the dizziness. “i’m fine, okay? just… help me up, please”

he stopped immediately, swallowing hard. silence returned for a few seconds while he helped you stand with almost sacred slowness. jake scanned every inch of your body looking for any other sign of injury, his arms hovering around your waist without quite touching, like an invisible protective barrier ready to catch you if you faltered. you lifted the ladder together and you tossed the dented books into the cart, noticing how he dusted his hands on his jeans, his eyes still fixed on you.

“are you sure you don’t want to go? i… they can come get you, i wouldn’t go with you, i wouldn’t bother you” he tried to reassure you. “seriously, i’m sorry. i should’ve taken that task, like i always do. if i hadn’t stepped away, you wouldn’t have”

the rambling started again and you gave a small smile before letting out a soft laugh, raising the white flag, almost in disbelief, lowering your gaze…

“what? what’s funny?” he asked, confused.

“you… the way you are” you answered, rubbing the sore back of your neck and taking a step to the side. “the fact that i had to go through a near-death experience to get you talking like before… when things were normal” your body swayed a little, but you supported yourself with your hand.

his shoulders dropped and he chewed on the inside of his cheek, thoughtful.

“i don’t get it…” he whispered.

“what don’t you get?” you looked up at him, your heart beating harder than the pain in your head. “tell me, jake, what got unclear between us? because if there’s anything i can do to change it, i’ll do it”. the words came out without permission, and you meant every single one of them, not backing down now even with the imminent urge to cry and the exhaustion of several badly slept nights.

jake sighed.

“that day… the party. i’ve never felt that way before, i’ve never felt the need to touch something or someone like that… it was almost… intoxicating, like i wasn’t in control…” he started slowly, still figuring out how to put his thoughts together. “and when we kissed… it was… it felt so right, you know? but then we went to your house and fuck… you were so hot, so determined, and so… my god, so drunk” he said almost whining. “you blacked out, and all i could think afterward was that i was really going to do that, even with you that drunk… and now, i feel like i don’t even deserve to be around you” he admitted, sniffling and adjusting his glasses.

you looked at him and then your gaze drifted to the space between you. that was what had happened and you didn’t remember it at all.

you tilted your head back and closed your eyes, covering your face with your hands and pressing.

“you thought i was mad?” you asked, just to fit the final missing piece into place.

“well… if you felt like i used you, wouldn’t that be the most likely outcome?” he shot back.

you laughed again, first softly and then almost crying. you looked at him once more and pressed your lips together.

“that day, jake, i wanted you more than anything” you said directly. “not just that day, but the day before and every moment, since the first day i saw you until just now…” you spoke with a lighter expression, watching through the movement of his eyebrows as jake tried to connect all the dots.

“so you didn’t think i was some kind of asshole?”

“that was the last thing i would ever think about you” you stepped forward and reached for his hand, looking down as you intertwined your fingers.

“yn…” he called one last time. “hm?” when you lifted your head, his eyes said enough.

***

at first your lips only brushed each other, a chaste kiss almost apologetic beginning slow. your bodies still kept a minimal distance, but jake soon took care of eliminating it by holding your wrist up, pulling you close to him, while his free arm finally wrapped completely around your waist. you melted right there, feeling all the negative feelings - the guilt, the silence, the doubt - fade like smoke as your muscles relaxed at the slightest touch. there was nothing in your mind that wasn’t him, him and him.

jake called your name, his voice hoarse and drawn out between your lips, but you denied any interruption, just continuing the seal, wanting to recover every lost second.

when he let go of your wrist, your hand went straight to his cheek, stroking the warm skin as you pulled him closer, wanting more depth.

“you’re not in pain…?” he tried to murmur, his voice failing.

“i don’t care…” you answered with absolute certainty, pulling back just enough to see him blush under the flashlight’s glow.

he looked so beautiful like that, disarmed. the kiss returned, but now it was more urgent, with more tongue and your nails slipping behind the collar of his shirt. jake’s hands lost their shyness slightly - without alcohol in his blood to help - moving up and down your back, mapping the sides of your body and dragging you by the hips until he pressed you against the bookshelf. the soft impact made the books vibrate and you let out a needy gasp that he swallowed. you bit his lower lip and sucked, feeling him shudder.

“i-i don’t want to stop this time” jake panted against your mouth, breath heavy.

“we’re not going to” you assured, exposing your neck to him as his mouth kissed the base of your throat.

jake’s tongue, slow and exploratory, licked the entire area, not caring about leaving a trail, not caring about the saliva or how your moans broke the decorum of the library. you tangled your fingers in the dark strands at the nape of his neck, pulling, squeezing his broad shoulder to steady yourself.

“shiit… do you know what you’re doing?” you asked, laughing softly between shivers.

“i have… no idea… just need you so fucking bad… why?”

“because it’s working…”

the raw confession was the trigger. he continued, pulling the sleeves of your sweatshirt down after opening the zipper with your help. little by little, the heavier pieces were forgotten on the cold library floor. jake slid his swollen mouth to one of your shoulders, leaving a bite there, climbing up your collarbones and chin as if he wanted to mark you entirely. he pulled your thigh on impulse to fit himself better against you, listening to every reaction you gave to what he was doing.

“show me how to do it… please…” he begged, pressing his forehead to yours, eyes shining with an intensity you had never seen, even in the dark. “i promise i’ll be good… so good to you…”

your head spun, brows furrowing as you kissed him again, almost animalistic. your tongues even slipped out of your mouths, his hands found your ass and squeezed. you lifted your hips slightly without any control, craving the contact. when you pulled apart again, you held onto him, bringing him with you. the darkness of the library was total, but you already knew that path by heart. you walked, tripping over each other, between kisses and anxious giggles, until you reached the counter again. you pushed his shoulders until the boy fell back seated in the chair, looking at you from there with his clothes bunched up.

you mounted the inviting lap and scattered little kisses across his face, until your mouth was near his ear to whisper. “don’t overthink… just do what you want… what do you want now?”

jake listened and his skin prickled… he placed his hands on your hips now intentionally and helped you in a slow back and forth, biting his lower lip hard. you nodded and kept going. “like this? do you want me to grind on you?” and the boy nodded repeatedly, holding back his moans as his member swelled even more inside his underwear.

“yeah..?” you nibbled his lobe, closing your eyes when your tight jeans and his pressed exactly where you needed, increasing the way you were riding him. you could feel your panties getting soaked, but even so you wasn’t giving more than this yet. you made sure to moan and scratch his arms, feeling his restless hands only stop when they reached your tits, squeezing hard and pulling little mewls from you.

“pl… y-yn, please…” he babbled. jake was a thread away from coming undone inside his pants and deep down you really wanted that… especially if it meant he would be all embarrassed afterward, but you stopped, just as affected as he was, sliding down until you were on your knees in front of him.

locking your gaze with his, you waited for him to lift his hips to help you with his jeans, pulling them down and tossing them aside. the white boxer deliciously failed to hide his cock slick with pre-cum. you only lowered the waistband, letting the hard length spring free, hitting against his abdomen. it was too big… the veins pulsed and his tip was an intensely flushed pink from how aroused he was. you spat into your palm and brought it to him, sliding from head to base, squeezing his soft balls with the other hand, watching him make a pitiful little face with his mouth parted.

“want me to suck you off?” you asked mischievously, mimicking his expression.

“mhmm. yes. yes, please…” he begged, trembling at every stroke of your hand that struggled to close fully around him because of the thickness.

you kept masturbating him for a while longer, watching jake alternate between gripping his own shirt and the arms of the chair, knuckles white from the force. what did he have to do for you to finally put your precious little mouth on him? he was going insane.

in a slightly rough and clumsy movement – purely survival - he grabbed your head, pushing you down and lifting his pelvis in a thrust, making you smile satisfied between his fingers. that was exactly how you wanted to teach him.

you opened your mouth and reached him, wrapping around the head first before sliding him further inside, feeling the corners of your lips burn as you had to force yourself to fit him entirely. jake uttered something unintelligible, his head falling back and eyes rolling before he himself began to set the pace, fingers tangling in your hair with new firmness. he felt your warm breath against his pubis; when he looked down he saw your little face all puffed up while taking him.

shit. shit. he was not god’s strongest soldier. you choked when he brushed against the inner wall of your throat, drooling even more over him and forcing yourself to keep the movement while grabbing one of his thighs, taking out the lack of air on the firm flesh. the sounds you made were downright pornographic, echoing in the silence of the library and making jake’s blood boil.

***

when you were taking him more easily - adjusted to his size -, he lowered one of his hands, wrapping it around your neck with care but possessiveness, feeling exactly how deep he was reaching.

he was hypnotized by the sight: the mix of saliva and pre-cum spilling from your mouth, your pretty doe eyes rolling back and the tears of effort shining at the corners of your lashes.

“f-uck i’m coming…” he gasped, body curling as he clenched his teeth, forcing you further down on him while his pelvis lifted without rhythm, just need.

and you took it, everything he had to give.

cock so thick it pressed against the little bell of your soft palate, his pubis rubbing against your nose every time he thrusted upwards. your pussy fluttered just from that, hardened nipples brushing against your bra and your nails digging into him.

he came spilling cum down your throat, which you swallowed with eagerness, the excess slipping out, smearing your chin, your hands… even dribbling a little from your nose when you coughed because of your gag reflex sore and abused. it took him a few seconds to remove his hand from your head, letting you rise and slide his cock out again. you breathed fast, wiping your mouth uselessly with the back of your hand.

“sorry…” he breathed hoarsely, but you shook your head as you looked at him, rising again to kiss him.

“you did well…” you praised, feeling him smile.

“want to return the favor…” he sniffed softly, sliding his hands to your waist and pulling you up so you both stood.

jake unbuttoned your pants smoothly helping you kick the fabric aside after. he surprised you when he lifted you up effortlessly, setting you on the counter quickly. you kissed while he searched for your pussy to massage over your panties. he rubbed where it was wet, drawing muffled little moans from you, but it was when you placed your hand over his, guiding the movement, making him use his thumb over your swollen, covered clit that he had you writhing.

he watched closely, the way you had to break the kiss just to squirm and moan while guiding him, and especially how, whenever he pressed that swollen spot, your back arched; he was a fast learner. jake sat down again, pulling you to the edge of the counter, holding one of your heels and placing it up there to have you spread wide. he didn’t know anything about the practicality of it, he just knew what he wanted and that he’d figure it out.

more attentive to how your wet pussy had chewed the cotton fabric between your small lips before pushing the panties aside, staring shamelessly at the slick, pulsing cunt in front of him. “it’s so pretty…” he said before placing a slow kiss, enough to make his mouth wet. “tell me if i do something wrong…” he added before looking up at you from there and sinking his mouth into you.

the first licks were almost exploratory, as if he were mapping unknown territory. he tested every texture with devoted curiosity: the firmer flesh of your mound, the soft inner lips ready to slide, the entrance that clenched at the slightest touch. but when his tongue found your clit, the smooth, slippery texture made him let out a low sound of approval.

he opened his mouth wide, taking in as much as he could before sucking greedily, as if savoring a juicy fruit. when he pulled back, the slick sound of wet skin echoed in the silence of the library, a damp noise that made your lower belly throb. he repeated the motion, gaining confidence, until he stretched his tongue and tried going deeper, using the curious muscle to push into your channel while swallowing every drop of lubrication you poured over him. “taste m’so good…”

jake lifted his eyes, looking at you from behind his lenses - now crooked - only when he felt the weight of your hand in his hair, guiding him.

using his own fingers to spread the flesh and expose your most sensitive point, he captured your clit, sucking it firmly and continuously, the tip of his tongue flicking and swirling over your sensitive bud as you muffled a cry by biting your own wrist.

he flattened his tongue, moving it from bottom to top and side to side, letting the little bead drag across the muscle before returning to suck with intensity. the suction grew rhythmic, noisy, you cursed through your teeth and let out drawn-out moans, feeling your stomach tighten as you pulled his hair.

“j-jake… hhmm…” your whole body trembled while he lost himself between your legs, oblivious to anything else around. “let’s fuck.. hnng please…”

the sweet little sound when he detached his mouth from your cunt and lifted his head, slightly dazed, looking at you in confusion, almost made you change your mind. “already? i wanted… you to cum too” his eyes studied your expression while his fingers still played with your sex.

“i want to cum… but it’s going to be on your cock” you told him, sliding off the counter with his help.

you took off your shirt and unclasped your bra, watching him pull his shirt off as well, both of you completely naked. you climbed back onto his lap and smiled, kissing him slowly. “you did so well… your mouth felt so good…” you praised, noses brushing while one hand slipped between your bodies to hold him, aligning him with your entrance.

“wanted to taste you more...” his head swam, your flavor clinging to every taste bud, every one of his senses utterly consumed by you.

“you’ll have plenty of chances to do that…” you whispered, before lowering your weight and taking him halfway in at once.

jake seemed to fall apart the exact second he felt your pussy envelop him. the sensation was overwhelming, hot, slick, absurdly tight. your walls fluttered repeatedly, hands digging into his shoulders as you tried to accommodate every inch while he huffed, air leaving his lungs as if he’d just run a marathon. his moans were low, heavy with a pleasure that bordered on agony.

“fu… you’re so tight” he whimpered, voice breaking. jake couldn’t even keep his head up, resting it against yours while his arms circled your waist as if you were the only thing keeping him conscious.

you had never felt so complete. he filled every space, every curve of your spongy walls. wrapping your arms around his neck, you forced yourself to sink the rest of the way down, taking him fully. your eyes rolled back and a long moan slipped out when you felt his head press against your cervix in that position.

“f-funcking big… god…” you panted, trying to relax your muscles so you could start moving.

slowly, you began to move your hips up and down. it was a delicious torture to feel your silken folds dragging along his entire length, completely stretched. he murmured incoherent things against the curve of your neck, pulling air through his teeth in a sharp hiss.

feeling you needed more stability, you guided his large hands to your thighs, whispering for him to help you bounce.

his touch changed instantly. jake gripped your thighs firmly, fingers digging into your skin, starting to thrust your hips up and down. the slow rhythm was replaced with something steadier. each time you dropped down hard, the sound of bodies meeting echoed in the empty place, mixing with the rain outside. jake was in a trance, glasses fogged and face buried against you.

his restless mouth slid to one of your hardened nipples, sucking and making you whine softly. the loud plap plap plap and your clit striking hard against his base left you disoriented.

with every thrust you both unraveled more, jake turning into a babbling mess while you impaled yourself on the hard length, biting your lower lip to control the noise, gripping the edge of the counter and rolling your hips, making him hit your g-spot every time. you were goosebumped, sweaty, breathless, holding his face so he would look at you.

“do you want to cum inside? h-hmm?” you asked with difficulty, watching him nod desperately. “use your words”

“yes, ma’am hnng… i… please. cum-ng i-inside”

“g-good boy” you said before claiming his lips again, dropping down on him with vigor, making the chair springs squeak each time.

when you came together, jake’s whole body went rigid, holding you tight against his lap as he poured every drop of semen inside you. your arms and thighs trembling as you held onto him.

your ragged breathing taking time to settle.

jake was sweaty and marked with nail scratches, his mouth swollen and raw from so much biting. you weren’t much different, strands of hair stuck to your face, neck, shoulders… your neck covered in hickeys he’d left without even noticing and your lower belly aching.

even when you relaxed, you made no move to get off him, and he didn’t mind. the boy inhaled deeply before kissing your cheek, as if calling you to look at him. and when you did, he was there again with that mastered lost-puppy expression.

“what?” you asked with a tired smile.

jake looked up, thinking, then back at you, giggling a little.

“did you know the human heart produces enough energy to drive a truck for 30 kilometers in a day?” his smile widened and he laughed, making you look at him comically. “it’s just… my heart is beating so fast right now i think it could cross the country” he finished, burying his face in your neck again. “in other words…”

he took a deep breath, going quiet for a moment.

“i think i love you”

he confessed, making your cheeks lift, grateful for the darkness so he couldn’t see how embarrassed you were.

“well… you’d have to beat me in a race first, and i’m pretty sure you’d lose…” you replied simply, shrugging as he lifted his head to narrow his eyes at you mischievously.

“i think i love you too”

*

“ You are only mine, only mine .”Jake’s fingers entwined with yours. The subtle scent of his cologne imprinted an unforgettable mark on your heart. “ I love you.”was only you could say.

.

.

You are resting your weary limbs on the familiar sofa. Your cozy room was well furnished. An empty flower vase reminded you of beauteous moments spent with him. It’s been 1 month for the flower vase being unattended. Office works now rule over your schedule. But today your room’s air is redolent with memories of  Jake.Balefully your company’s C.E.O uses the same cologne as him. His sudden arrival gave your room a glimpse of emptiness. The empty congratulations, bouquet, the invitation to office party slipped of  your memory. What remained was the fragrance, unanswered questions and urge doing the impossible. The tortuous calmness engulfed the room.You suddenly found your self  in a garden. Your head  was resting on a shoulder. A leather jacket was covering his strong musculature.

“Jake, what was the first time you fell in love?”

“The day, I first came to Sydney. [ pause] A girl was sitting alone in the bus stop, waving goodbye to someone. ”

“ WOW, you didn’t even think twice.”[ you pouted with disappointment] you gulped down the comparison between your first love and you.

“ She was wearing a red dress, paired with a red bow”. locking his eyes onto yours he continued, “she had beautiful eyes.”

Your cheeks flushed at his intense gaze.

“ I see. [ stuttering ]..she must be really beautiful.”

He didn’t reply at your comment. He cupped your face and held your eyes for a moment. He had surely studied your anguish, disappointment, probably a glimpse of your hidden tears as well. Then he pressed his lips to yours. It was a deep kiss, overflowed with sacred love. You held his jacket for support. He pulled back after a few celestial moments. He pulled you in his embrace and whispered in your ears,

“ You are  very beautiful , dear. Very pretty.”

The moment felt unrealistic. Your heart felt heavy with his love. You never thought your fate had planned something that serene. Fate had a terrible  sense of humour. It gave you a glimpse of love only  to snatch it from you, leaving you fumbling for it. He left but forgot to take back what he had used to fill the void in your chest. Terrible as it sounds.

Your eyes flung open at the phone’s vibration. Phone’s display bragged C.E.O’s call. With an exhale you let go of the past’s venomous hands.

“ Hello, Actually I called to inform you our tomorrow’s office party was canceled. The Sim Company had taken over our schedule. It has declared an urgent meeting to discuss our project. I’m sure you are well aware of the importance of the meeting. I’m expecting you at 8:00 in the office. Be well prepared.”

He hung up. His words lingered in your ears for a moment. You let go of the echoes of the past. You revisited your project and forced your eyes to close.

Jake was your joie de vivre. His every words adorned your pulse of life. You used to find tranquility in his presence. You crossed road with him at the time when tears had found their permanent residence in your eyes. Your monotonous life had never offered you anything but abyss of grief. His encounter with you filled your soul with overwhelming happiness.  He elided the tears from your eyes, filling it with courage and joy. He devised an oath of not letting you cry ever again. His memory weighed heavy on your chest. You enfolded the pillow in warm embrace. It lacked his harmonious heart beat. Many girls had their wallpaper designed with his ethereal face but he had his devoted to the quiet girl at the back of the class. She was leaning over the window, completely unaware of the fact that someone is taking a picture of her. Jake had carefully adjusted his camera lens to capture your eyes, glistening with the ray of the sun. His memories tenderly held you and comforted you to sleep.

“ Jake, how is your mom?”[ concern claiming your face ]

“Same as before. Angry because I refuse to pursue law. She never understands me.” His head was buried in the warmth of your lap. Snuggling as if it had finally found a gentle sanctuary. Your fingers were gently weaving through his tresses. A peaceful exhalation released the suffocation building inside his chest. You replied after thinking for a minute.

“ I understand. Our parents sometimes create overwhelming pressure on us. But it’s okay you know. If you talk with her gently I’m sure she will understand. Why don’t you tell her about the revolutionary plan of creating a lavish dog shelter… .”

He didn’t utter a word. His hands brushed against yours signaling to continue your movements in his hair.  You waited for few moments. A sudden happiness brightened your face as if you had found the cure of cancer.

“Jake.. even if something very bad happens, you should never let go of your dreams. I will be there with you always. Do whatever you feel. You can always count on me. You will not get rid of me easily.”

Jake slowly faced you staring intently into your eyes. A soft smile crept into his eyes.

“ Y/N.” His words pulled your attention back into him. His face glowed with inner peace. He wove his hands through your hair creating a tender spell. His eyes held your gaze for a minute or two, then he exclaimed,

“ promise me you will never leave me.”

The night was enveloped in calmness. Stars crowded the  black sky. The cold breeze caressed your cheek, probably it silently mocked you then. The air was filled his whispers of perfume. He took your face in his hands and brushed his lips against your. He gently rubbed your ears to comfort you during the kiss.

.

.

Love now feels a fascinating Joke to you. Even after 30th January night your mind was busy finding any glimpse of untruth in his eyes. But memory fails you. All you can remember was his truthfulness when he looked at you. His pain when you got hurt. His urge to protect you. You thought may be that was what they call love. 26th of January, your missed calls and unseen texts baffled you with some horrendous possibilities. His sudden disappearance  made you suspect something very bad might had happened with him. Very  bad! After 96 breathless hours, you got your answer, yet some remained unasked.

Your mom’s arrival demanded your presence at the airport. Your eyes were busy scanning the airport, then…..

His hands were entangled with a beautiful girl. He was walking side by side with her. Your mind started criticizing your poor eyesight. The closer he came to you, the harder it became for you to breath. His gaze caught you red handed. Your heart broke into myriad fragments when he averted his gaze. Your feet felt numb. The air sang a symphony of sarcasm. You choked on your tears. You felt numb. Suddenly a pair of hands grappled your coat. Your vision had blurred when you turned to meet your Mom’s enraged eyes.

“ What the hell are you thinking? Ignoring your mom. Don’t forget who had given you roof before. Ungrateful brat! A little money came in your pocket and you started thinking yourself as queen! Huh!”

She grinned her teeth.

You just stared at your mom. If it was Jake he would have seen your inner turmoil. But your mom’s hands held your cheeks forcefully and asked,

“ For whom are you waiting? Take me to the Delight cafe. Someone is waiting for me there. Don’t you dare to ruin our date with your melodramatic feelings for your dad!”

.

.

The sharp sound of your alarm woke you up. The empty bedside was yet to become your habit. Your forehead still expects a morning a kiss. Idiot! The clock ticks six. You woke up from your bed and waddled to the bathroom. Your chest tightens seeing your reflection. Your empty eyes were staring at you with disgust. Skin more pale than usual. Dry lips. Nothing but an unloved face was standing on the other side of mirror. The warm water drenched your body. You were missing a strong pair of biceps hugging you from the back.

“NO, JAKE! I WILL SHOWER ALONE TODAY, YOU CAN’T INVADE MY PRIVACY.”

Jake was leaning against the wall. He came closer and tugged a hair strand behind your ears. He admired your facial features. His whisper filled you with ‘ Bad Desire ‘.

He held your waist and take you in his arms. You can clearly memorize his trails of kisses. How he always took a moment to admire your naked body. Your cheeks used to heat up against his wet cheeks. His hands used to worship each and every curve of your body.  It is the only time when you are with him you never feared judgement . Your guards were always down for him. He used to arrange his words,

“ I will never let you go.”

The water drops hitting the floor, eternally leaving the the pipes where it was caged f. It was free. Did it enjoy the freedom? The windows fogged due to hot shower. You had lost count of time. You can still differentiate hot tears from the hot water.

Your cell phone screamed to catapult you into reality. You dried yourself with a towel. You hurried to pick the phone up. Your mom’s message enlightened your phone’s screen.

“ you have forgotten to send us our electricity bill.”

You immediately sent the money with screenshot. There was no else message. No one to ask how you were? Just work related messages.  Except your C.E.O and your mother no one even calls you nowadays. They both only call to take something from you. Selfish? At least they are there. Loneliness is actually the worst disease. It longs for company which it fears the most.  

Without your notice a dress had enveloped you, preparing you for the meeting. The clock ticks 7:00. the bus stop is 30 minutes away and it takes 25 minutes to the office. You were supposed to reach at 7:55. You did not check the time when you reached office. Your assistant informed you to head the room 13.  You went to the washroom before, and lost your balance. Gravity’s violent persuasion threw you on the ground. A searing jolt coursed through your ankle, leaving a trail of throbbing pain. You could not wake up for few moments. A sharp pain numbed your feet. You waited for god knows how much time. Then slowly the ground relinquished its claim and you slowly woke up. You did not realize your ankle was bleeding. You rushed to the room 13.  the door creaked open.

“Excuse me.. apologies for my late arrival…”

Words stuck at your throat. Your vocal cords became heavy with sudden overpowering emotions.

“As long as I’m alive I will never let you cry.” was one of the hundreds of his broken promises. How does it feel Jake to know you’re the reason for her tears? You have broken the promise , severely.

Someone cleared throat. The sound catapulted both of you in present.

“ please take a sit. Miss Y/N. I think we should start our meeting.”

You averted your gaze to take the sit beside your C.E.O.. Creative Director, miss Y/N.

You’re focusing on your trembling fingers and the unease in your stomach.

“What happened to your ankle?”

You rose your head at the voice that used to navigate the labyrinth of your soul with ease. You couldn’t utter a word. You knew if you even open your mouth a deluge of emotions will break through. You stared blankly at him. He swallowed something,a lump of cry maybe. He as usual studied your face and from the depth of satchel a bandage came out. He knelt down like he used to when promises used to make sense to you. Holding your feet in his hand he rubbed the side of the wound. Your skin caught fire with his touch. His finger brushed against your ankle’s skin making you frenzy with unnamed emotions. The whole 17 staffs were watching their scary Boss’s this unexplained behaviour. They were sure without witnessing it with their eyes they would never had believed it. Jake carefully placed the bandage on your wound. Your wound believed in his promise of healing. You’re too stunned to speak at this point. The world seemed to have blurred, Jake was only on focus.  He looks up, the same deceiving eyes , filled with care. Like a master cartographer he mapped the terrain of your face charting the depths of your emotions. He took his seat.

He commanded to start. The room filled with whispers but nothing conjured your mind. Your mind was only replaying him, again and again. When it’s your turn to speak, you could not find your voice. His gaze fixed at you, once again hearing the unspoken words he said,

“ The deal is final.”

“Sir, but we haven’t heard their presentation...”The secretary protested.

“ I believe the director of the project. Thank you Park enterprise for your cooperation.” Jake stretched his hand for handshake.

You can feel the heaviness of other’s stare. You were just shocked, confused and may be disgustingly happy. Your inner voice spoke with a hushed tone dripping with verbiage your mother had used against you. You reflected your foolish  vulnerability for him inside your heart. Your mom was right , a shame like you should have never been born. When your attention came back to the world , the people were slowly disappearing from the front door. You felt a small tug on your right sleeve. Your assistant Jungwon was pulling you. You couldn’t help but look at Jake’s  ferociously decieving eyes. He was giving death stares to Jungwon. The eyes express nothing but ‘what you thought before’ jealousy.

When you reached your cabin you fell on your chair. The turmoil in your mind was doing nothing to dissuade the pain in your stomach. His thoughts conjured your mind. It is replaying in a loop like a broken DVD. The time took it’s own pace, but yours has stopped. It’s still stuck on his eyes, deceiving eyes.

.

.

“how much you love me?”

“ like the depth of your eyes.”

.

.

Your consciousness landed on earth by the sound of your assistant’s voice. He was making you aware of the time. You unfolded your frame and headed home. You strolled along the road savoring minimal details of the road. The sky was a black canvas painted with brush strokes of clouds. The crescent moon placed alone. Cold winds were passing by with their friends. The honking vehicles created the same old  menace. The neon lights revealed the deepest darkest secrets of the pavement. The road was as usual filled with haste. People were trying their best to minimize the time of their reaching home. But you have no hurry. They have home, but you have an apartment you reside on. Their haste is a testimony of someone’s anticipation for them. Yours on the other hand is made with unfamiliar, silent bricks. The house has now become endowed with insidious memories of him. The voice in your mind was busy persuading you to take a new apartment. The broken DVD is never silent. Who filled it with Jake’s pictures? Jake’s deceiving eyes embarrassingly claim every hole in your heart. Now his sudden arrival had restored the wounds. Is he really playing with you? Knowing your weakness, he is taking advantage of you? Is he again going to leave like before? Is he going to again break your not at all healed heart? What does he want from you? Unanswered questions filled your mind. You don’t know whether you’re sad because you could not see through his eyes or you really fell for him. Maybe both.

Your life was never a bed of roses. With your continuous encounter with parents fighting you had taken a silent oath of not trusting in love. That was the reason maybe you are devoid of any acquaintance. But Jake, he was different. He tried his best to reach every bar you had set for your future boyfriend. You were sure he will never leave you like others did. With him you used to feel seen, heard and understood. His love was a masterpiece crafted with care and devotion. When your mom started finding happiness in other men’s lecherous company, you thought you will be wiser.  Choosing Jake made you feel love really exists in this world.

Who says eyes don’t lie? Everything can lie.

When you entered your apartment , you were surprised to see a bouquet of flowers waiting for you. A note beside the flower drew your attention. You picked it up.

‘Dear,

I’m glad you have not changed your home’s password. I know I owe you many explanations. But for now just take my apologies. There is a necklace that you were hoping to buy when *we* will grow up. I guess I have grown up. I don’t know whether you will accept it and I know I don’t deserve to force you to take the necklace. I’m now here dear, I will fix everything. I really wish you could trust me. I’m once again very sorry. I love you love. I really love you.

Yours,

Jake ‘

 The words clutter your mind. Warm tears kissed your temple. They started pouring out after staying long inside your heart. Sorry just a sorry, that’s what he thinks you deserve, ‘I will fix everything.’ how much broken promises you will make Jake? Why? Your heart ached with sorrow. It is tired Jake. Please….

You cried yourself to sleep. You woke up with your alarm.

You are sure you have nothing in your fridge right now. Other days you might had rushed to the office cafeteria, but today your arrival will confront you with some rumors about yesterday. Jake’s behaviour had surely become a great topic of gossip.

“ dang it! One rameyon and I will be happy.. please god, just one.”

Your eyes widened with shock finding your kitchen table filled with different kinds of rameyon packets. Fridge is restocked with every veggies. The worst of all there is your favourite blue berry pancakes with a note saying,’ I know you are tired to make any breakfast. Just reheat it. It’s made yesterday night. I’m sure it’s safe to eat. Don’t worry I didn’t came in the morning.’ no need to doubt the authenticity. It’s him again. You hate how you have made yourself transparent. He knew you way better than anyone. It hurts. It hurts more to know an apparent stranger knowing you that good. You felt a strong emotion rushing through your body…. You were missing him….badly.

His strong arms enveloped around you. His nose was snuggled your neck. He sniffed your scent and whispered “ a little bit more. Please.” your in vain tries to free you from his arms used to make him chuckle. “No Jake. I need to make breakfast.” You softly  pecked his lips and pulled back. He opened his eyes and admired your face for a moment. The moment he loosened his grip to properly taste your lips, you freed yourself and headed towards the bathroom. He could not help but smile at your cuteness. When you came out of the bathroom you found the table decorated with your favourite blueberry pancakes.

In your office cabin,

An envelope was kept on your table. You were really disappointed to find out it’s not from Jake. It’s an invitation of your C.E.O’s daughter’s birthday. You had to attend it today at 6: 00. You were kind of relieved. You were honestly not prepared to go your apartment once again. Whatever he does makes it unbearable for you to cope up.