So, I’m not sure, but I’m slowly coming to terms with the idea of me being aromantic. I’m definitely asexual, and I was okay with that, but I guess I’m just kind of disappointed by the realization that I could be aro/ace?

I used to say I was panromantic and honestly didn’t think much about it until I saw JaidenAnimation’s video on being aro/ace.

I think I’ve had crushes before, on friends mostly. I remember looking at this one friend and thinking “god, kiss me please.” even though I actually don’t like kissing. I don’t really know how do confirm it was a crush, but I thought it was. I don’t know for sure.

I’m never gonna know for sure. The way I do crushes always starts with friendship. Getting to know the person. I don’t just look at people and have a crush on them because they’re “attractive”.

Even once I do decide I “like” someone, I suck at dating. I always end up feeling uncomfortable. I do love the people I date, but I’m starting to think I’m not doing it “right”. I’m uncomfortable with almost every aspect of dating, to a point I treat any partner like I would a friend.

I’m not sure if this is because I’m possibly aromatic or because I’m just bad at relationships. I’m so clingy, so how could I even think I’m aromatic? But I could just be clingy in the sense of friends? I’ve never been clingy to a partner.

Another point is I guess I have it in my head that if I’m aromantic I’ll be alone forever, even though I know qprs are a thing and I have friends and I theoretically won’t be alone forever. I feel like I would be.

It’s already so hard for me to make friends, I don’t even know how to start with a qpr, and I suck at dating. I don’t know where to go from here.

Basically, I’m confused.

it really a fun journey to just look back at 2020

‘Cause I’m gonna try the Nuzlocke for Omega Ruby.