#jaemark

His family thinks he’s spending time with his friends. His friends think he’s spending time with his family. Jaehyun… Mark doesn’t want to know what Jaehyun thinks. He hopes Jaehyun doesn’t think about it at all. That would be better than him worrying silently over the sacrifices Mark makes and the lies he tells, but Mark has a feeling the latter is closer to the truth. So he doesn’t ask.

Only Johnny has a sense of what’s actually going on. But Johnny is grown up, with his own job and bills and maybe a thing for the cute guy on a different team at his company who sits three cubicles down. So while he expresses some vague concerns to Mark over how he’s choosing to live his life, Mark knows he doesn’t really have the mental space to actually keep track of him. So he agrees to help Mark lie to the others, something about wanting to be a little more independent, and just tells him to be safe.

So really, Mark’s life is in four parts, the final part being his internal world, which is vast and dark and lonely. He says bye to his fellow interns after a few celebratory drinks and tries to recall their surnames or their majors or anything really about them at all while he walks home. By the time he’s unlocking his front door, he’s still drawing a blank.

He doesn’t have much time to really piece through it, because Saturday is all moving. James is there early in the morning with coffee and breakfast, and they haul Mark’s stuff to his new unit. It’s a three-bed with a nice living room and pretty spacious kitchen, and two bathrooms, one of which features a tub and a shower. It also has a little balcony off the living room space, just big enough for a medium sized table and a couple chairs.

Mark’s sharing with Donghyuck in the middle-sized bedroom, their two twin XLs carefully tucked in opposing corners of the room to give them a little space, though Mark has a feeling Hyuck’s gonna insist on morning cuddles even though a twin is barely big enough for one. Their room has a nice big window and solid closet space, plus room for two small dressers and desks and a shared bookshelf. 

The juniors, Chenle and Jisung, will be in the smallest bedroom despite the fact that Chenle is the reason any of them get to live here at all. Technically, he could have his own studio or one-bed if he wanted, but he wanted to live with his friends, so Mark doesn’t feel bad. Those two have opted for a bunk bed for some insane reason, which remains unassembled and boxed with the rest of their furniture on the floor.

The other three are sharing the master bedroom, which features an en-suite bathroom. It’s the smaller bathroom of the two, so that will be theirs, while Mark will share the big one out by the kitchen with the Donghyuck, Chenle, and Jisung. Mark would be a little pissed that he’s not in the fancy bedroom, but Renjun and Jeno and Jaemin have some bizarre psychosexual thing going on, so he’s kind of glad they have their own space. 

He tries to be his usual chatty self with James as they clean up his old, empty unit, but he’s tired by the afternoon and his thoughts are far too absorbing. To James’ credit, he only asks if Mark is okay once, and seems to accept his answer about being stressed about school starting without question. They’re done in time for a late dinner, and Mark collapses into his new bed in his new room as soon as James leaves and instantly falls asleep despite how deeply his body aches. 

Jaehyun comes to pick him up Sunday morning while Mark’s still packing his bags, so Mark buzzes him up since it’s probably the only time he’ll get to see the apartment anyway. Jaehyun pokes around while Mark tries to remember where all his shit is now that most of it is in messily-filled boxes or strewn about his bedroom floor.

“This is nice,” Jaehyun says. “I’m surprised your friend’s parents are trusting a bunch of college kids with this. What happens when you guys throw a party?”

“They want us to be comfortable,” Mark says sheepishly. “Well, they want Chenle to be comfortable, and that means living with us, I guess. As long as we keep it clean enough not to attract pests, we aren’t a nuisance to our neighbors, and we don’t cause, like, serious damage, they don’t really care. And even if they did…” He gestures around them. “They’re kinda rich, so.”

“Alright, I guess it’s their money,” Jaehyun says with an amused grin. “Just be careful on that balcony when you get drunk.”

“We’re gonna padlock the door shut and hide the key when we drink,” Mark says drily.

“Seriously?”

“Uh, no, that was an idea I just made up,” Mark says, zipping his bag shut and groaning as he stands. “But now that I’m thinking about it, maybe we should.”

“Honestly,” Jaehyun says, hitting the lights for him on the way out of his bedroom, “it would make me feel better.”

“Buy me a good padlock, and you have a deal,” Mark replies. Jaehyun just hums, so Mark supposes he shouldn’t be surprised if Jaehyun has a package for him in a week or two.

They pack themselves up in their car and stop by a cafe for coffee and breakfast sandwiches for the road, then head out to the highway. As he drips egg yolk onto his shorts, Mark tries to shake the weird mood he’s been in all weekend. It’s just that weird transition period between phases of life, he tells himself. This trip will be a good break, and then school will start and your friends will be back and you’ll feel normal again. 

By the time they’re off the highway and starting along the winding roads that take them out through small towns and past rows and rows and rows of fading lavender, Mark almost believes it. 

They stop at one of the lavender farms to stretch their legs and unpack sandwiches from the cooler in the back, which fills the entire trunk and is stocked to the brim with all the groceries they’ll need for the week. Jaehyun made the sandwiches last night—chicken caprese on focaccia with homemade pesto. The tomatoes are cold and refreshing, and the pesto tastes like the summer of another life or something. Or maybe Mark is just really hungry. They buy fresh-made lavender ice cream from the farm’s shop as dessert. When they get back in the car, Jaehyun lets Mark kiss the sugar from his mouth with a smile.

Another hour or so of driving finds them pulling into a gravel drive that nearly disappears down a steep hill towards the lake. Jaehyun leads them into the front office to get checked in. Mark’s kind of nervous about what comments the owner might make, but there’s no one there. It’s all automated, with a little cabinet full of anything they might need during their stay. Jaehyun snags an extra fire starter and hands Mark a couple towels as well.

They drive the car down the terrifying slope and then to the right, where the road narrows and branches, leading to little cabins tucked between trees. Mark’s reviewing the confirmation email that has some instructions enclosed as they approach their booking.

“Wait, hyung,” Mark says, putting concern into his voice. “It says here that this cabin isn’t good for people with mobility limitations. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay going down the stairs? At your age?”

“You know better than anyone else that my knees are perfectly sound,” Jaehyun replies, clearly trying and failing to suppress his amusement.

“I dunno, I thought I heard some creaking the last time we fucked,” Mark says. It earns him a rough pinch to his cheek.

They unpack the car in rounds because they have to carry their things down a steep, winding trail to the front door. It takes them nearly twenty minutes to get everything inside, and in that time, they’ve both worked up a sweat in the early afternoon heat. Mark leans back against the closed door, catching his breath, while Jaehyun crouches on the floor, pretending to untie his shoes so he can hide his panting. 

“Well,” Mark says. “I think we should go for a dip.”

They dig their swimming trunks out from their bags and get changed. Mark hardly has a moment to take the cabin in, but it’s rustic and spacious. There’s a porch that hangs over the hill with clear views of both the distant mountains and the lake below. The living room is a hodge-podge of vintage furniture situated around a beautiful stone fireplace. Mark makes a note of the rug in front of it, and wonders how Jaehyun would look splayed across it. 

After a mandatory slathering of sunscreen and some proper hydration (both a pro and a con of dating someone so much older, Mark supposes), they take the uneven trail down to the lake. It converges onto a larger path, leading them past racks of kayaks and paddleboards for rent. 

“We’ll do that sometime this week,” Jaehyun says, nodding to the equipment. “Have you paddleboarded before?”

“No,” Mark admits, trying and probably failing to hide his trepidation.

Jaehyun’s smile turns a little devious. “Oh, well, we definitely have to now.” 

The lake is pretty empty when they get there. Jaehyun wades in and Mark follows. It’s cool, but warmed enough from the summer that it’s mostly just refreshing instead of dangerously icy like the lakes are here in June.

“God, it’s so clear,” Mark gasps, looking down through the water as he gets in deeper, past his waist, and can still see his toes.

“Glacial melt, I think,” Jaehyun says. “That’s why they’re usually so cold.”

Mark gets up to his shoulders, pushes off the ground, and floats out towards the center. “It’s beautiful.” And it is—the freshwater turns a sort of aquamarine in the summertime, almost like the ocean. He tips his head back, lets the water claim his hair and weigh his head down, and closes his eyes against the sunlight. 

He floats placidly for a few minutes, and then he feels Jaehyun’s shoulder bump his. Mark blinks open his eyes to see Jaehyun smiling at him. The crinkles next to his eyes. His dimples. Mark tips upright, reaching out for him. His fingers slip against Jaehyun’s waist, skin sunscreen-smooth and soft. Jaehyun turns to face him, leans in close, lets their foreheads brush.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Mark says. It’s not all he means, but it’s close enough. “Sorry I’ve been kinda quiet today. I just… I don’t know. My internship ending. School starting. Moving. Everything feels weird.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Jaehyun replies. “Or apologize. I know things are weird. I know… I know part of that is because of me.”

“It’s not—” Mark starts to protest, but Jaehyun cuts him off. 

“It’s okay.” Jaehyun bumps his nose against Mark’s. “We don’t have to talk about it. Or we can, if you want. But I’m just saying. Whatever happens next week, or the week after that, I don’t regret the last couple months, and I won’t regret today. So stop worrying, okay?”

How can I? Mark thinks. But he just nods. “Okay,” he whispers. 

They float together, skin to skin, wordless, until their fingers and toes start to prune and Mark’s stomach starts to grumble. He follows Jaehyun to shore, watching the line of his back, his arms glistening as they slice clean, even strokes through the water. I want you, he thinks. I want you. A stronger word lingers in the peripherals of his mind, but he refuses to think it. 

Most of the groceries Jaehyun brought are pre-made meals that just need a little microwaving, so dinner is on the table by the time Mark has changed into something dry and half-heartedly toweled off his hair. Jaehyun slides him an open beer and steaming container of some kind of creamy chicken pasta, which is probably full of chemicals and carcinogens and definitely microplastics, but Mark doesn’t give a shit. He burns the roof of his mouth on the first mouthful.

“Why is shitty food so good?” he asks when he manages to swallow it. 

Jaehyun laughs. “I’m pretty sure they put stuff in it that makes us want to eat more,” he says, stabbing a piece of chicken. “So I guess they’ve really got their formula figured out.”

They finish eating and head out to the porch to finish their beers. The air is a little cooler. Jaehyun gives them both a generous spray of bug repellent, but Mark finds himself swatting away the occasional mosquito anyway. The lake laps softly at the shore, and the birds call in the trees as the sun begins to set. It’s not a perfectly romantic evening, but, Mark supposes, there’s nothing about this that’s perfectly romantic.

They sit and watch the sun go down, mostly quiet. Mark is glad for the silence. They’re tired from the drive and the swim, and he’s not sure what he’d say if they started talking. He wants to ask Jaehyun what he thinks is going to happen next week. Or the week after that. Or next year, when Mark graduates. What does Jaehyun want to happen? I don’t regret the last couple months, and I won’t regret today. How can he know that? Is it a surety that comes with age? Or is Jaehyun simply not worried about what happens next? Mark doesn’t think this can be true. And yet—he turns to look at Jaehyun out of the corner of his eye. His forehead is smooth, brows relaxed, eyes calm.

Mark tries to mirror the expression on his own face, letting his eyelids droop a little in his insistence away from any tension. Regardless of the future, the point of this week is to have fun. To enjoy each other’s company away from the world, to play house a little, and ignore the rest. 

The light is dim now, and the bugs are gathering towards the lamp on the balcony. 

“Let’s go to bed,” Jaehyun says softly, standing and offering Mark his hand. Mark accepts it. 

The shower is small, too small for two, so Mark brushes his teeth while Jaehyun washes the lake and the sweat and the bug spray from his skin, and then they switch so Mark can do the same. Jaehyun is closing the blinds in the bedroom when Mark returns, the single lamp glowing warm on the bedside table, casting shadows across the room. 

Mark pads over to Jaehyun and wraps his arms around his waist, pressing his nose into the skin of his back. Jaehyun hums out his surprise, hands fluttering a moment in the air before coming to rest over Mark’s. 

“Can we not fuck tonight?” Mark blurts out. It’s muffled, but he knows Jaehyun hears him. “I’m tired, and I just want to—cuddle, I guess.”

“Of course,” Jaehyun says evenly. 

They fold themselves down into bed. Jaehyun clicks off the light. Outside, a chorus of bugs rings out in the underbrush. Mark curls into Jaehyun. Even after the shower, he still smells like lake water and citronella. 

Jaehyun presses a kiss to his hair, pulling him closer. Mark settles into him, slows his breathing, and pretends to sleep. 

///

Sleep does find him eventually, though Mark doesn’t remember falling into it. But he wakes to bright sunlight peeking through the cracks in the blinds and a bed that’s empty but warm. He pushes himself up, yawning, and tries to flatten his hair with his hands while he shuffles to the bathroom. 

Jaehyun has a breakfast of toaster waffles and bacon waiting for him when Mark finally enters the kitchen. 

“Morning,” Mark says softly. “Thank you,” he adds, when Jaehyun places a steaming mug of coffee in front of him. Jaehyun hums and kisses the top of his head. 

“I was thinking paddle boarding today,” Jaehyun says. “It’s too hot to hike.”

“Okay,” Mark agrees, trying to ignore the weird swoop of nervous energy in his stomach. 

“I promise I’ll still like you even if you fall in,” Jaehyun says, hearing the tension. 

“Are you sure?” Mark asks, feeling better anyway. “What if I look really, really stupid?”

“I’m used to it,” Jaehyun replied with a shrug and a smirk that creeps through his attempts to suppress it, and Mark kicks him gently under the table.

So after breakfast, they change into swim trunks and head back down the path to the lake.

“Why is this so heavy?” Mark grunts, trying not to stumble as he half-carries, half-drags his board down to the shore, the oar nearly slipping out of his grip and whacking his calves with every step.

Jaehyun follows behind him, infuriatingly balanced and placid. “Well, it has to support your weight.”

“You sure it’s not gonna sink?” Mark huffs, wading in and finally dropping the board into the water. It doesn’t sink. He huffs again when Jaehyun laughs.

“Attach the thingy to your ankle,” Jaehyun instructs, wading out after him, pointing. “And get out far enough that you won’t get hurt if you slip off before you try to get on.”

Mark grabs the aforementioned thingy (a Velcro cuff attached to one end of the board by a coiled, stretchy piece of rope) and wobbles around trying to fasten it to one foot, then throws his oar on top of the board and pushes it out towards the center of the lake. 

As soon as they’re out far enough to tread water, Jaehyun hoists himself up onto his board with an unfair amount of grace. I’ve seen this man drop his phone trying to turn it sideways to watch a video, Mark thinks sourly, but sure, he can do this just fine! 

“How do I get up?” Mark asks after a minute of eyeing his board. 

“Just kinda… squirm your way up. Like a seal,” Jaehyun says. 

“Oh sure, like a seal. Obviously,” Mark mutters in a weak attempt to hide his trepidation. 

After some frenzied kicking and flailing, he manages to get flat on his belly with most of his extremities out of the water. He cranes his neck around and sees that Jaehyun is already standing, paddling towards him with slow, clean strokes.

“Okay, try to get on your hands and knees first,” Jaehyun encourages. “Go slow, and try not to lose your oar.”

“Will it sink?” Mark asks, stalling.

“No,” Jaehyun replies calmly. “It’ll just be hard for you to get it back and stay upright. Come on.”

Mark, shaking, tucks his knees under his torso one leg at a time. Already he feels incredibly precarious, but he tries to push himself up onto all fours like Jaehyun said. He wobbles violently, and all his attempts to rebalance himself only seem to make it worse. He doesn’t even have a chance to ask for help, or scream, or something, before some horrible evil force is launching him headfirst into the lake. When he surfaces, it’s to Jaehyun’s bright laughter. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re having fun,” he grumbles, pushing his hair out of his eyes. 

“C’mon,” Jaehyun wheedles. “Try again.”

By the afternoon, Mark has successfully learned to paddle on his knees. He tries standing a few times but it always ends with him underwater in less than thirty seconds, so he gives up on that pretty quick. Still, he feels oddly proud of himself as they paddle back to shore. And he has to admit he feels a little better. With how hard he was trying to figure paddleboarding out, he didn’t have a chance to overthink all morning. 

“Sandwiches for lunch?” Jaehyun asks as they put their boards back. Mark grins, nodding. 

The next few days go like this—time spent outdoors, either on the lake or under the cool canopy of trees, until it gets too hot to be reasonable, at which point they retreat back into their cabin for food and naps. They stay indoors until it cools down, then go back out for one last swim before a late dinner. Most of the time, Mark is too tired to think about the rest of his life, so he’s actually pretty peaceful. 

I could live like this, he thinks, watching Jaehyun through half-closed eyes, sprawled out on the couch with a cider in hand. Here, now, everything seems so far away. Mark’s whole life seems like a dream, foggy and uncertain and difficult to focus on. This could be all there is. Him and Jaehyun in their little cabin by the lake, swimming and hiking and making sandwiches, fucking in the quiet dark hours and kissing each other good morning. The only two people in the world. 

After dinner on the fourth night, Mark waits on the pretty rug in front of the fireplace for Jaehyun to finish fussing in the kitchen. He strokes over the soft fabric, pressing his hand down and letting tufts of it caress the spaces between his fingers. He flips the bottle of lube he grabbed from the bedroom over and over in his other hand, trying to see how quiet he can make each catch. 

“I saw you eyeing that rug on the first day,” Jaehyun says from the side, making Mark jerk his head up and miss the catch. The bottle bounces harmlessly off his knee and lands somewhere on the rug. “I was wondering what you were thinking about. I guess I should’ve known.”

“Come here,” Mark demands instead of taking the time to be embarrassed. 

Jaehyun smiles and obeys, pausing only to step out of his swim trunks and shuck off the tank top, slinking over and dropping down on all fours when he’s close enough so he can crawl right up into Mark’s space, right between his thighs. He kisses Mark, quick, on the tip of the nose. “How do you want me?”

“Mm, on your back,” Mark says, giving him a light nudge on the shoulder. “Wanna see you.” Jaehyun lies back obediently, using only his core to support him on the way down, just for show. Mark runs his fingertips over his abs to let him know his efforts aren’t wasted. “You’re getting tan.”

Jaehyun smiles, reaching up to trace over Mark’s cheek and nose. “So are you. Getting some freckles.”

“My aunties will scream,” Mark says with a grin. 

“Tell them it’s part of the American Dream,” Jaehyun replies. His hands drop to his sides so he can readjust his hips, dropping his thighs open a little. Mark can see the pale, smooth, unmarked skin there, where his shorts always cover. Mark bends, getting to his knees and crawling back so he can reach the spot with his lips, finding the lube again and cracking open the bottle without looking.

Jaehyun shakes beneath him. “Baby,” he says softly, “you’re teasing.”

“I’m taking my time,” Mark corrects, lifting his head just long enough to catch Jaehyun’s eye before leaning in to kiss the tip of his cock, grinning when it twitches. He drops his jaw open, letting his eyes flutter shut, taking Jaehyun into his mouth, on the soft flat of his tongue, while he pushes a slicked-up finger against Jaehyun’s perineum. He strokes over the tight entrance, listening to Jaehyun breathe, and then pushes it in. 

Jaehyun is hot and tight as always around him, rings of muscle squeezing almost painfully at each of Mark’s knuckles. He keeps pushing, slow, steady, and unforgiving, sinking deeper down on Jaehyun’s cock as he goes, until he feels the head bump against the back of his throat. He breathes in deep through his nose, a few coarse hairs tickling at his nostrils. He curls his finger a little just to hear the noise Jaehyun makes, then works it out almost to the nailbed only to push it back in again. Jaehyun whimpers, and Mark hollows his cheek, breathes. 

“Fuck,” Jaehyun whispers. “What the fuck.” Mark lets a giggle escape, knowing the vibration will be salt in the wound of Jaehyun’s growing arousal. Jaehyun’s hole flutters around his finger, then relaxes. 

Mark continues this way until Jaehyun is hard in his mouth and he’s got three fingers working in him. He sits back, wiping the spit from his chin by dragging it across a raised shoulder. Jaehyun is limp and splayed on the pretty rug, hair a halo around his head. In the firelight, a single, white-hot strand of grey glints at his temple, like a flare in the dark. Mark bites the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t know why, but it turns him on so badly he feels dizzy.

“Gonna fuck you now,” he says quietly, pulling his fingers out with a wet squelch. 

“I’d hope so,” Jaehyun replies, and Mark pinches his hip before rolling back on his heels so he can tugs his own shorts off. There’s a tiny wet stain at the crotch where he’s been leaking precome; he sees Jaehyun zero in on the spot, but he doesn’t say anything, just flashes his tongue out across dry lips. 

Mark gets a dollop of lube and spreads it on his cock, then lines himself up with Jaehyun’s hole. The soft fur of the rug brushes his knees. “Ready?” he asks. Now he really is teasing. 

Jaehyun smiles. “Ready,” he agrees, letting his head loll to one side, eyes never leaving Mark’s face. 

Mark pushes in, slow even though all he wants to do is ram himself deep and hard inside, to make Jaehyun scream, to make him sore. But somehow the savagery in him rarely lasts long enough for him to act on it. He bottoms out peacefully, painlessly, and Jaehyun gives a satisfied sigh. Mark loves that sound more than Jaehyun’s screams. It makes something in him stir, some weird, animal part that is stronger than the sadism, that feels best when he knows Jaehyun has what he needs. It’s darker than the sadism, somehow, and possessive in a way that feels dangerous. 

“So good,” Jaehyun encourages as Mark rolls his hips, making circles more than thrusting, opening him up. Mark tries a different angle, and watches the tremor run through Jaehyun’s body. “Mm, fuck.”

“There we go,” Mark says, smiling. It’s more a baring of teeth, but Jaehyun probably likes that. He does thrust now, snapping his hips back and then forward. He knows it’s right over Jaehyun’s prostate because he spasms, moaning openmouthed.

“Pretty, hyung,” Mark singsongs, just to see that blush creep over Jaehyun’s cheeks. 

“Shut up,” Jaehyun grits out. “Oh, god, Mark. Is this what you wanted, when you were staring at this rug?”

“Yes,” Mark says. “Well, almost.” He leans a little closer, gripping Jaehyun’s hips, stabilizes himself that way, and thrusts again. Jaehyun moans sweetly. “That’s what I wanted,” he says tightly, thrusting again. “This. Good. It’s all I was thinking about.”

“I should leave you to think more often, maybe,” Jaehyun says. “All kinds of things you cook up in that handsome head.”

“Mm, what can I say? I’m innovative,” Mark replies, extra cheeky because he knows he can get away with it.

“Yes,” Jaehyun agrees. “Never met someone with a head like yours.”

“Oh, I can’t be that special, can I?” Mark says, keeping his tone offhand and light even though the words have taken him by the throat. “I’m sure you’ve fucked plenty of crazy boys in your time.”

“Mark,” Jaehyun gasps. “Mark. Baby.” Mark finds his eyes, clouded and blown with lust, but clear and sure. “No one,” he says. “No one has made me feel like you do.”

“Hyung,” Mark says, giving him a look, a chance to knock it off, a chance to lessen the blow.

“Serious,” Jaehyun insists. “Serious as you when you call me pretty. You’ve made me yours with this—” He gestures at Mark, at his hands, at the dark, hot, infinite space where their bodies are joined. “Yours. Don’t pretend you haven’t.”

“Mine,” Mark rasps, eyes rolling back in his head, and bends over him, pressing kisses to his neck, his collarbone, his sternum, his nipples. Jaehyun arches into his tongue, humming out a moan.

“Faster,” Jaehyun demands, and Mark obeys. “Not too fast. Yeah, like that.” Jaehyun’s hands, sticky with his own precome, pressing into Mark’s lower back, keeping him anchored. “Good boy. My good boy.” His teeth, scraping Mark’s shoulder. Mark’s body is all tension, a million million cords pulled tight, waiting for the snap, to let go. His heartbeat hammers in his ears, in his chest. His arms burn. His thighs burn. His belly burns. His breath is fast, and shallow, short huffs of exhales and reedy inhales that follow, riding the tide of pleasure. 

“Hyung,” Mark groans into Jaehyun’s sweat-soaked skin. He still smells like lake water and citronella. It fills Mark’s head. “You’re perfect.”

“And I’m yours,” Jaehyun murmurs, and Mark comes so hard his vision goes white—maybe he’s just squeezing his eyes shut so tight he can see his neurons firing, or maybe it’s all in his head. He comes buried deep in the harbor of Jaehyun’s body, and then collapses on top of him, arms trembling. He feels warm release against his stomach and realizes he has no idea when Jaehyun came, whether it was five minutes ago or just now. He can’t think at all; he tries to steady his breath and waits for his heartbeat to slow.

Except his heartbeat doesn’t slow and the tension in his body doesn’t ease and his breath keeps coming fast and shallow, and the burning is in his eyes now, and all of a sudden, Mark is sobbing. 

Jaehyun’s hands are on him in an instant, cradling his cheeks as Mark sits back and curls forward over himself. He coughs wetly, his mouth filling with the thick spit of misery. Each sob punches him somewhere inside, creating a hollow space that leaves Mark feeling unmoored and afraid. Tears and snot and spit drip off his chin and still Jaehyun’s hands are there, soft and steady, holding the weight of his head so Mark doesn’t have to. 

“What is it?” Jaehyun murmurs, voice pinched with pain and worry. “What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? Mark can list a hundred thousand things. You’re mine? Until when? When does this end? he wants to ask. When do you leave me? I want you, he wants to say. I want you to stay. I want to buy a cabin on the lake with you, I want to eat a hundred thousand microwave dinners with you, I want you to put me to bed at night and kiss me awake in the morning. I want to stay here. There’s another word for the way I want you, but I can’t say it.

And then, or I want you to leave. I want to never see you again, so that I can remember who I was before you, and find out there’s an after. Or find out there isn’t. But I want to know. I want to know who I am when you’re gone. Maybe I want to find out it’s nothing, so I won’t feel so fucking guilty about how much this hurts.

And then, I want you to say you don’t love me. Because I know you don’t. Because you can’t. I want you to say you don’t want me. Because you don’t, because you can’t. Don’t hold me so tightly. I’ll take anything if it’s from you, but in the end, pain is only pain. Right? Right?

“Mark?” Jaehyun whispers.

Mark can’t say any of it. How can he? He’s so tired. He shakes his head, crying harder. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no,” Jaehyun says, gentle. Always so gentle. Mark wishes he could hate him for it. He leans into Jaehyun’s touch instead. “Don’t be sorry. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I,” Mark says. But nothing comes. How to explain? It’s his fault, isn’t it? He was the one who pushed things on their botched blind date. He was the one who convinced Jaehyun it would be fine. He thought it would be fine, everything was supposed to be fine, when did it stop being fine? “You can’t—we’re not—we’ll never be—I mean—I don’t know—I just—“

He’s working himself up into a panic, and Jaehyun can sense it. A warm palm over his chest. “Okay,” Jaehyun says. “It’s okay. Let’s go to bed, okay? We’ll shower and go to bed, and we’ll talk about it in the morning. Okay? It’s okay. Breathe, baby. Just breathe. You’re okay.”

Mark nods, but inside he’s scoffing, it’s okay? We’ll talk about it in the morning? Whether we talk about it tonight or in the morning or in a week or never at all, whether we talk about it when I’m crying or calm, when I’m drunk or when I’m sober, it won’t make a difference. Because I’m just a kid, and you—you won’t be able to do anything about it! Because how can you, and how could I blame you? It wasn’t your idea, and it sure as shit wasn’t supposed to go like this. But I—

And still he can’t even think it. He turns his brain off, forces the thoughts out entirely in favor of numbing static. He lets Jaehyun gather him into his arms. He lets him pull him to his feet, guide him up the wooden stairs to the bathroom. He lets him pull him into the shower, lets him rinse the day off of him, lets him wrap the towel around him to dry, obeys when Jaehyun asks him to duck his head so he can pull the shirt over his body. He should feel ashamed and embarrassed when Jaehyun has to take his full weight as he carries him to bed, tucks him in, brushes the hair off his forehead, kisses him right between the brows.

But Mark is so numb, he feels nothing at all.

///

When Mark wakes, it’s to late morning sunlight and the sort of sluggish fatigue he usually only associates with a hangover. Jaehyun is asleep beside him, warm and comforting and familiar. Mark takes a deep breath, trying to blink the puffiness from his eyes, but they remain adamantly swollen, a reminder of last night’s tears. 

In the light of the morning, with all the turmoil a night’s sleep away, Mark feels embarrassed. He never thought he’d be the kind of guy who cries after sex, what the fuck? But now he is, and he doesn’t now what to do with it, what it means, what the fuck he’s supposed to say to Jaehyun when he wakes. We’ll talk about it in the morning, Jaehyun had said. It’s the morning, and Mark still doesn’t know what to say. He takes another deep breath, but it doesn’t really seem to help.

“Hey.” Jaehyun, low in his throat and slurred with sleep. Mark turns his head to him, sees the slow blink of his eyes. He lets Jaehyun reach a hand out and stroke his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Mark whispers. “Sorry about last night. Freaked you out. Are you mad at me?”

“No,” Jaehyun replies. “Worried about you, yes. But I can handle a few tears.”

“Ruined the moment,” Mark insists. “Ruined… this.”

“No,” Jaehyun repeats. He shifts a little, turning, eyes clearing somewhat. He fixes Mark with his gaze, serious. “Hey. It’s okay. I’m not freaked out, and I’m not angry.” He yawns; sleep is taking over again. “Go back to sleep,” he says softly, his eyes closing. “We’ll talk when we’re awake.”

“Jaehyun,” Mark whispers, a plea, maybe. His voice sounds small and hurt and afraid, even to his own ears. 

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Jaehyun says, eyes still closed, mouth slowing and going clumsy as he drifts off. “You never could.”

His hand rests heavy on Mark’s cheek. Mark shifts under it, willing his hearbeat to slow. He curls back down under the blankets and resolutely shuts his eyes.

When he wakes next, he’s alone. He hears some faint rustling from below; Jaehyun must be putting a meal together. Or packing. Or something. Mark stretches, heavy-eyed and heavy-limbed, clambering out of bed and going to brush the taste of sleep from his tongue.

When he descends the stairs, something fragrant hits his nose. It’s oddly complex, and rich, so it can’t be from a microwave meal. He comes into the kitchen, but Jaehyun isn’t there, though a kettle is steaming on the stove. He sees movement beyond, and realizes Jaehyun is out on the porch.

“Hey,” he says, mostly to announce his presence, as he steps out onto the porch. 

“Hey.” Jaehyun watches him over his shoulder, gesturing to the other chair. There’s a couple fried eggs on a plate with some toast, and beside it, a cup of dark tea that Mark immediately pinpoints as the source of the smell. 

“Thank you.” He slips into the chair and brings the mug to his nose. There’s something earthy to it, and familiar. Some kind of oolong, maybe. High quality. He looks up at Jaehyun. “What’s this?”

“I thought we might need something nice,” Jaehyun said. “I packed it just in case.”

Mark takes a sip, letting it sit on his tongue and settle him a little. He takes a bite of eggs. Jaehyun seems content to let him eat, staring out at the water and sipping his tea.

At last, Mark’s plate is cleared and his mug of tea isn’t so steaming. “Jaehyun,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

Jaehyun looks over at him. “Sorry for what? It happens. Sometimes things get messy. It’s our mess.” His eyes are understanding. “And what a mess, hm?”

“I was hoping it wouldn’t,” Mark mumbles. “Become a mess.”

Jaehyun laughs humorlessly. “I suppose I was hoping the same. But here we are.” A pause, a sip of tea. “Mark.” Mark blinks. “I want you to be honest with me. Okay? No matter how you answer, it’s fine. I won’t be upset. But I want you to be honest.”

“Okay,” Mark whispers, nodding.

“Last night, in the… confusion of it all, you said—or almost said, I guess—something about us. About how we’ll never be something. I didn’t want to press then, because honestly I was kind of worried you were gonna start crying so hard you’d throw up.” There’s a hint of humor there, at least. “What did you mean?”

“Jaehyun,” Mark says, blowing out a breath. He almost says, I don’t remember, or I have no idea, I was just speaking, I was emotional, it didn’t mean anything. But Jaehyun asked him to be honest. He presses his lips together and turns to look over the water, thinking about how he wants to say it. Jaehyun doesn’t rush him.

Finally, he clears his throat. “It’s only been two months since I met you,” Mark says, “and my world has been turned on its head.”

“I know,” Jaehyun replies. “Me too. And I never meant—for any of this to happen, Mark, really.” He’s leaning across the arm of his chair, looking at Mark intently.

“I know,” Mark says. “Me too.”

Another silence stretches between them. It’s not uncomfortable, or tense. They’re waiting, Mark knows, for the right words to find them. Maybe if they wait long enough, the words to fix everything will come.

“Still,” Jaehyun says. “Here we are.” He pauses, even though Mark is sure he already knows exactly what he’s going to say next. “I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. Anyone.” Mark clenches his hands into fists until his nails dig into his palms. “I spent my life waiting for someone who felt right to come along. And in the meantime, I’ve been good. You know? I’ve done everything right. All my life. I studied hard, I started my own business, I got rich and paid my parents back tenfold. I was careful, smart, dedicated. I bought a house and paid it off. I invested my money in the right places. I was never frivolous. I was waiting until I was secure. I’m growing old, waiting. And I’m starting to think the person I was waiting for is you.”

It sparks something in Mark; he turns in his chair so suddenly, his mug on the table rattles, but he can’t bring himself to look at Jaehyun. “How can I be?” he demands. “How can I be? I’m still in school, I’m not—I mean, we have to want different things, you and I.” 

He chances a look up, and sees Jaehyun looking back with this terrible fondness in his eyes. “I can wait,” he says softly. “I’ll wait for you. I’m in no rush. I waited years and years for you, Mark, without knowing it. I can wait a little longer.”

It punches all the fight out of Mark. What the hell can he say to that? No? How could he? He settles back in his chair, sighing. “So what are we gonna tell everyone?” His friends would understand, probably. He could maybe even talk James around. But his parents? He wouldn’t be surprised if it sent his mother into full on cardiac arrest.

Jaehyun shrugs. “We’ll figure it out. Okay? We can figure it out. We don’t have to say anything right away. We have time.”

Mark looks over at him, head resting against the back of the chair. “Hyung,” he says. “What if everything goes wrong?”

Jaehyun stares at him a moment, and then says, honestly, “It might.” He spreads his hands in his lap. “But then, it might not. And I think it’s worth it, anyway. You’re worth it, to me.”

“Oh,” Mark says. He supposes that’s the only question, at the end of it. Nothing is easy. You’ll never know if something is right until you do it. So knowing that, knowing it might all go wrong, knowing how it may ruin you, is it worth it? Even if your worst fears come true, will the value of trying outweigh your regret? “Yeah,” he says. “Me too. You’re worth it to me, too.”

Jaehyun grins, leans across the table between them, nearly upsetting their cooling tea, and kisses him. Mark reaches up and cups his jaw with both hands and kisses him back. He still has a thousand questions and his heart is ramming in his chest like a butterfly in a glass jar, but Jaehyun’s right. They have time. And even if in a month, two months, a year, things look different, it doesn’t change the fact that this is what they want right now. 

They break apart. The sun is past the meridian now, afternoon creeping up on them quiet like a cat. “When we finally figure our shit out,” Mark says. “When it’s not hard anymore. When everyone knows. Promise me we’ll come back here. This lake, this cabin.”

Jaehyun smiles, all teeth and dimples. “Promise,” he agrees. “Now come on.” And suddenly he’s standing, finishing the last of his tea, collecting their empty plates.

Mark stands, too, taking a gulp of his tea. “Where are we going?”

“The beach,” Jaehyun says simply, popping the door to the kitchen open with his elbow and ducking inside. Mark hurries to follow.

///

“When you said we were going to the beach,” Mark says, watching the sleepy town of Neah Bay pass out the window, “I thought you meant, like, nearby. And, like, the actual beach.”

“This is better than a beach,” Jaehyun promises as they pass the town boundary and head down the road towards the forest. 

The hike takes them a good couple hours, but suddenly Mark finds himself standing on weathered cliffs, staring out at the magnificent rock formations that make up the mouth of the Cape Flattery sea caves. The waves crash against the stone, impossibly loud, and though they started the trail sweating, Mark finds himself grateful for the light jacket that Jaehyun insisted he bring. 

“It’s beautiful,” he says, stunned. 

“Better than a beach?” Jaehyun prompts, nudging his shoulder.

“Better than a beach,” Mark agrees. 

“I’ll take you to a real one tomorrow,” Jaehyun says. “But I thought maybe—just some time with the sea today.”

“Yeah,” Mark says faintly. He can barely hear Jaehyun. He can barely hear himself think. The waves are so loud and huge and soothing. He feels so small suddenly. Who the hell cares if Jaehyun is almost double his age? Will it stop the tide? Will it crumble these cliffs, stop the sun from setting, poison the lakes and kill the fish and stop the world from turning? Isn’t he just an animal? Who is he hurting, by doing this?

Myself, maybe, he thinks. Jaehyun, maybe. Jaehyun could lose his business, Mark could be rejected from jobs, if they got the wrong kind of attention. It wouldn’t ruin Jaehyun’s whole life or take away his wealth. They would be fine, but they’d have to hide. Could Mark live with that? 

The answer doesn’t come. He thinks of the career he’s always dreamed of. He thinks of James and Lucy loading their car. He thinks of the sea, and the cliffs. He thinks of the cabin on the lake. He thinks until his thoughts are flashes of color only, until the sun begins to set, until Jaehyun takes his hand and warms his fingers in his palm.

He’s staunchly repressing the weird feelings from last week, but unfortunately they don’t just go nowhere. The, uh, other feelings he’s had for Jaehyun since the beginning remain, and compound now with everything else channeling into one avenue. He’s been, like, obnoxiously horny for the better part of this week, maybe also because he and Jaehyun only fucked once, that Saturday afternoon, last weekend. Anyway, he’s very glad Jaehyun suggested this, because he doesn’t want to deal with that when he’s supposed to be babysitting his niece. 

So he already has a plan when he gets into Jaehyun’s car that afternoon. And it helps that Jaehyun’s in a plain white tank top and soft shorts that ride up his thighs. How could Mark be expected to resist? 

He waits until they’re a respectable distance away from his office building. He slips his hand over the console to rest innocently on Jaehyun’s exposed thigh. If Jaehyun suspects anything, he doesn’t react. It’s only when Mark’s fingers inch closer and closer to where Jaehyun’s cock is lying soft under the fabric of his shorts that Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at him and asks, calmly, “Can I help you?”

Mark glances at him. “Just missed you, that’s all. Been missing you all week,” he says. “I can stop if you want.”

Jaehyun presses his lips together, clearly trying and failing to hide his amusement. “I didn’t say that.”

Mark wraps his hand around Jaehyun’s cock and squeezes. Jaehyun inhales sharply but doesn’t even blink. “Good.” He begins to stroke, slow so the fabric doesn’t chafe. “Just keep driving, hyung. I’ll take care of you. See if you can make it home.”

“Fuck, Mark,” Jaehyun mutters, but he keeps his eyes on the road.

It takes a few blocks before Mark feels a wet patch of precome leak through the fabric under his fingers. “You’re making such a mess, hyung,” he teases, but Jaehyun just makes a soft noise and bucks his hips up into Mark’s palm. “Do you want it faster?”

“Mm-hm,” Jaehyun hums tightly. Mark smirks to himself, even though he’s getting hard, too, just watching Jaehyun.

“I dunno if you can make it home,” he says, speeding up his hand anyway. “I know you, you don’t come unless you’re with me, so you’re all pent up, right?” Jaehyun's silence is answer enough. “You’re already so hard.” And he is, hard and hot, the heat of it obvious even through his shorts. 

They’re out of the city now, heading up a hill towards Jaehyun’s neighborhood. Mark keeps stroking, even when Jaehyun’s hands start to tremble at the wheel. There’s less danger of them crashing here, which Mark is vaguely anxious about somewhere in the back of his brain. If they need to stop, they can just stop. They’re the only people on the road now that they’re out of the downtown traffic. 

“Close, baby, ‘m close,” Jaehyun warns softly.

“We’re only a couple blocks away,” Mark teases, but he’s now made it his mission to make Jaehyun come in his pants. He leans closer, pressing his lips to Jaehyun’s bare shoulder. Jaehyun shivers. “So pretty, hyung. It’s almost worse if you come now than when we were in traffic downtown. What if one of your neighbors sees?” The streets are empty and quiet, but Mark watches the idea bloom in Jaehyun’s mind and send shivers down his back. 

“Fuck,” Jaehyun grits out, slowing for a stop sign. Mark can tell he kind of wants to just blast right through it, but Jaehyun is responsible, so he stops. And he doesn’t go. His grip on the wheel tightens. He bends over himself, panting, forehead grazing the top of the steering wheel, abdomen working helplessly, and then he comes with a broken cry, spilling hot release in his pants.

Mark strokes him through it, humming encouragement, until he’s empty. Some of the come has leaked through the fabric; Mark brings his hand to his mouth to clean it off.

“Jesus Christ,” Jaehyun mutters, finally easing his foot off the brake. 

“Almost!” Mark says cheerfully.

“You’re literally evil,” Jaehyun replies, voice hoarse. 

“What, you’re saying you didn’t like it?” Mark asks, only a little worried that he really didn’t.

Jaehyun gives him an exasperated look, but there’s a fondness underneath it that he can’t mask. “I’m not saying that,” he grumbles as he pulls into his driveway, and Mark laughs.

Jaehyun leaves Mark to set up their dinner out on the patio while he goes to find a change of clothes. It does amuse Mark endlessly, but it hasn’t done anything to ease his own troubles. Even though it takes a good few minutes for Jaehyun to join him, Mark’s slacks still feel tight by the time he sits down at the table. Hopefully, his behavior will earn him some form of retaliation after they’re done eating.

But Jaehyun returns to the patio calm and poised, and they have a completely respectable dinner. They take a dip in the pool after, but Jaehyun keeps himself politely out of Mark’s reach. Confused now and a little intrigued, Mark lets him play his game, wondering what his end goal is.

“You know,” Jaehyun says, as he pulls himself up out of the water. “I still haven’t seen your place. Still think the doorman is spying for your brother?”

“Oh,” Mark says, a little startled. He supposes now is as good a time as any—it’ll be far less suspicious for Jaehyun to stay for an hour or two than overnight, and normally they wouldn’t want to waste the time. But since Jaehyun has to take Mark back tonight anyway, it’s more worth it. And the summer’s going to be over soon, and Mark can’t bring Jaehyun back when his friends move in. He thinks about his apartment, the places he could fuck Jaehyun. In front of the windows, if they kept the lights off. It would be better than Jaehyun’s car or backyard. Right up against the door, where anyone walking by would hear them. In Mark’s bed, where he came thinking of Jaehyun just the night before. “It’s, um, it’s a little messy,” he warns, which is true.

“We don’t have to,” Jaehyun says. He’s honest; there’s a touch of uncertainty under his tone that Mark takes to mean he’s afraid of making Mark uncomfortable. It’s sweet. “I just… wanted to see. More of you.”

Mark smiles, feeling pleased and a little shy. “Okay,” he agrees, clambering out of the pool and accepting the towel Jaehyun offers him. 

They get dried off. Jaehyun lets the dogs out while Mark sneaks upstairs to steal some comfy clothes for the car ride home, then returns to the kitchen to clean up their dishes and file them neatly into the dishwasher. Their forks go in the second-to-back section of the utensil organizer. Mark knows Jaehyun’s system better than his own.

“Those my sweats?” Jaehyun asks when he joins Mark in the entryway.

“Mm,” Mark confirms without raising his head, intent on lacing his shoes. “Didn’t feel like putting my work pants back on.”

“Just checking,” Jaehyun replies, the smile clear in his voice even though Mark can’t see it. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” Mark follows Jaehyun out the garage door.

It’s early, still, the sun not even dipping low enough to cast a golden shine over the street. It’s thinking about setting, though; the days are getting shorter, and Mark knows that soon the world will be night-dark at this time. But for now, the light is bright and clear and catches in Jaehyun’s hair. Mark watches him as he drives, wondering when he’ll start to grey. He wants to see it. He thinks he’d like it. 

Jaehyun doesn’t touch him. Mark half-expected him to; maybe it was wishful, horny thinking. Jaehyun has a lot more restraint than Mark does, and he’s more creative in his patience. Simple retaliation isn’t really his style. Mark should’ve known that, but he still feels disappointed and, as a result, hopelessly turned on as they accelerate on the expressway.

The sun glitters over the lake, sparkling off buildings. Little boats dot the water; Mark thinks he spots a long, skinny rowing shell on the far side near the shore, trailing a little coach’s launch. Wakes from the bigger pleasure yachts streak white on blue.

“Summer’s almost gone,” he says quietly. 

“School soon,” Jaehyun agrees. “Think you’re ready?”

For school? Certainly. For everything else? Mark looks at Jaehyun out of the corner of his eye. He hasn’t said anything to make Mark think he’ll be done with him once classes start up, but they both know it’ll be different. “Kinda,” Mark says. “It’s my last year, and then… I dunno.”

“You have a while to think about it,” Jaehyun says sympathetically.

Mark doesn’t want to think about it. He wants to fuck Jaehyun ‘til they’re both sore and aching and boneless in their exhaustion and Mark doesn’t have the energy to even imagine tomorrow, or the next hour, let alone next year. If he doesn’t think about it, maybe it won’t come. It’s not an elegant solution, but it is a satisfying one. For now.

“Mm,” he says instead.

“Graduating can be scary.” Jaehyun’s tone is still sweet, placating. “I was scared.”

“I’m not,” Mark says. “I’m not scared of graduating. I just don’t like the not knowing. It’s like when I was waiting for my college decisions. I knew I’d get in somewhere. But I didn’t know where. It didn’t scare me. It just sat under my skin, like, I dunno. An itch I couldn’t reach.”

“Well, don’t rush into the future too fast,” Jaehyun says. He turns onto Mark’s street. “You’ll miss this time before you know it.”

I’m missing it already, Mark thinks. That’s the problem. He’s gearing up to say goodbye, and he almost wishes it was already all over, so he could grieve it in peace, with undivided attention. 

Jaehyun pulls into a guest parking spot. Mark gathers his things. They head into the lobby. No one bats an eye. 

“You said your friend’s parents own the building?” Jaehyun asks.

“Yeah, no way I’d afford it otherwise,” Mark replies. “A studio in the city with a nice view? Forget student loans, I’d be in debt to management well into my next life.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Could get yourself a real sugar daddy to pay it off.”

“Shut up,” Mark mutters, his skin hot.

He unlocks his apartment, letting Jaehyun in and re-locking it behind them. Jaehyun politely ignores the pile of laundry on one chair and the crumbs on the counter, instead strolling over to the windows to admire the view. “Beautiful windows. You can see the Space Needle!”

“Can fuck you up against them later, when it gets dark,” Mark offers, grinning when Jaehyun flashes him a mildly scandalized look. “What?”

“Is that what you think about when you look out them?”

“Lately, yeah,” Mark says with an offensively casual shrug, tossing his slacks onto the laundry chair. “Bed?”

“Not gonna give me a tour?” Jaehyun asks, a sort of glint in his eye that tells Mark his retaliation has finally come.

“You’re standing in the foyer, kitchen, living room, and laundry all at once,” Mark says drily. “Bathroom is behind that door and my bed is in the corner with a curtain over the opening, which is the only reason this isn’t also the bedroom. C’mon, hyung, we both know you didn’t come here just to see how I live.”

“But I do want to see.” Jaehyun flops down on the couch, still looking around. 

“I’m drawing the shades, then,” Mark says, moving to the windows. “Sun’s about to get real annoying, anyway. We can open them back up again when it’s setting.”

Jaehyun doesn’t protest, just watches Mark turn on his strip of neon lights and tug the blackout curtains closed. The room turns deep blue with the sun gone, light enough still to see, but dark enough that Mark has to blink a couple times to get his eyes to adjust. 

He grabs a pillow off the couch, throwing it on the floor between Jaehyun’s feet, and goes to pull his own pants off. 

“No,” Jaehyun says, “leave them on. I don’t want to be the only one who comes in his pants.”

“These are your pants,” Mark points out.

“Mm,” Jaehyun hums, watching him get on his knees anyway. “So I’ll think of you when I wear them.”

“Oh.” Mark’s whole body feels weak suddenly. He runs his hands up Jaehyun’s bare thighs, slipping them under his shorts till he hits his underwear. He kisses his left kneecap. “Okay.”

He finally reaches up and tugs Jaehyun’s pants and underwear down. Jaehyun doesn’t help him, doesn’t touch him, just watches placidly while Mark frees his cock from the fabric and scoots as close as he can, tops of his thighs brushing the bottom of the couch. Mark blinks up at him, maybe for show, maybe to spur him into some kind of action, but Jaehyun is a wall. Before it can turn into a staring contest that Mark will surely lose, he dips his head and wraps his lips around the tip of Jaehyun’s cock.

Jaehyun starts soft, but hardens quickly under Mark’s touch. It’s enough gratification for a little drop of smugness to settle in with Mark’s growing desperation. Because Mark is hard, has been half-hard basically since they first pulled into Jaehyun’s garage. He takes Jaehyun down to the base until he’s choking, and pulls off wetly. Jaehyun’s hips twitch, but his hands remain impassively at his sides. Mark whimpers softly, pressing his tongue to Jaehyun’s slit, licking up the beading precome, hoping to elicit some reaction for all his hard work. Jaehyun lifts his hand to Mark’s hair, but he doesn’t pull. His touch is featherlight, combing through, carefully and slowly working the tangles loose, letting the minutes pass.

But it’s something. Mark bobs his head enthusiastically, humming when Jaehyun gives the tiniest thrust up to meet him. Mark presses his nose to Jaehyun’s pubic bone, breathes in deep. Maybe it’s gross, but he likes the musky, heady scent there, a familiar comfort. He can barely feel the press of Jaehyun’s cock on the back of his throat, or maybe he can feel it but it just doesn’t matter. He swallows around it once, twice, breathes out. A shudder passes through Jaehyun’s body; Mark readjusts his grip on his thighs as pulls off slowly, then pushes back down, keeping his cheeks hollowed. He does it again, and again, keeping his pace even, not fast, but not slow, either. Jaehyun trembles, huffing out tiny moans that make Mark’s head swim. He’s throbbing in his pants, but he can’t get a hand down to reach himself, and he has a feeling Jaehyun doesn’t want him to, anyway. 

“Mark,” Jaehyun whispers, and goes still. Come hits the roof of Mark’s mouth, and Mark realizes, as he lets out a long, trembling breath, that there are tears stinging in his eyes.

Mark swallows all of it down, only pulling off once Jaehyun starts to go soft again in his mouth. He pushes Jaehyun’s tank up to kiss his stomach, tucks him back into his pants, then gets onto unsteady feet. 

“Think the sun’s past the horizon now?” he asks hoarsely, keeping his tone casual.

“One way to find out,” Jaehyun replies, equally casual, pushing himself off the couch.

Mark goes to the kitchen to fill up two glasses of water for them, leaving Jaehyun to pull the shades back. The sun is, in fact, below the horizon now, and it’s painted the whole city a brilliant orange. It washes over the vinyl flooring, turning gray to gold. Jaehyun pads over from the far wall, quiet.

Mark passes one of the waters to him when he’s close enough, taking a sip of the other one. Jaehyun sidles up next to him, facing away from the windows, leaning back against the counter. The dying light shines golden around his silhouette like a full-body halo. He reaches out with his free hand, gets a grip of Mark’s hip and pulls him close. 

Mark grins and kisses him. He hears the clink of the water glass against the counter, and then feels Jaehyun’s other hand on his jaw, his cheek. The hand on his hip shifts center, and lower. Jaehyun cups his cock and gives it a soft squeeze. Mark stutters a moan into his mouth, quiet and whispery. The counter is high enough that no one could see exactly where Jaehyun’s hand is, but one look at their position and the salacious pinch of Mark’s brow would say enough. Then again, no one’s really looking. The next building is far enough away that it doesn’t matter. 

“No underwear?” Jaehyun asks.

“Accidentally took them off with my slacks,” Mark explains impatiently. “Too lazy to put them back on.” He kisses Jaehyun again, really kisses him, pushes his tongue in so he can run it over Jaehyun’s teeth, the points of his canines. 

Jaehyun lets him lick into his mouth, breathing out soft moans of encouragement, but he makes Mark chase his hand instead of just giving him what he wants. 

“Hyung,” Mark mumbles against Jaehyun’s lips, rolling his hips forward into his palm. “More.”

Jaehyun, infuriatingly, keeps his touch light. “Could’ve made me crash today,” he says.

“You would’ve stopped me, before,” Mark replies through gritted teeth. It feels so, so good, to finally have Jaehyun’s hands on him, but it’s not enough. He thinks he might cry, rocking his hips forward even though Jaehyun just follows the movement. He knocks his forehead against Jaehyun’s shoulder and lets Jaehyun pet soothing circles into his spine.

“It’s too bad we can’t actually do something like that, like really in public,” Jaehyun muses. “Too risky. But it’s fun to think about, isn’t it?”

Mark can only groan. He imagines them out at dinner, dressed up so fancy, Mark’s hands in Jaehyun’s lap as they eat. Jaehyun frozen with his fork and knife still in his white-knuckled hands as he comes in his expensive dress pants. The unmistakable stain when he stands. 

Jaehyun takes a firmer grip of Mark through his (Jaehyun’s) sweats. Mark keens softly, letting his mouth drop open and his teeth scrape harmlessly against Jaehyun’s skin, right next to the fabric of his tank top. Mark realizes suddenly that he’s still holding his water, as a drop sloshes over the rim and hits his thumb, but he can’t bring his arm down, can’t move at all, can only rut hopelessly into Jaehyun’s hand. 

“What’re you thinking about, baby boy?” Jaehyun’s voice is pitched low, the rumble echoing in Mark’s ears. 

“Would make you come at dinner with my hands,” Mark pants out. He raises his head, hooks his chin over Jaehyun’s shoulder and stares out the window. He can just make out people moving around in the building across the street. Someone is cooking. A few floors down, people jog on treadmills. And in Mark’s kitchen, in the apartment gifted to him by his friend’s parents, Mark humps an older man’s palm like a desperate teenager.

“And then?” Jaehyun prompts, and Mark remembers dizzily that he was in the middle of a fantasy. 

“When we got up to leave, everyone could see the mess you made,” Mark continues. “And they would be able to see how hard I was, too. No hiding it. Oh, fuck.” Jaehyun wraps his hand around Mark, and even through the fabric Mark can feel the press of his fingertips, can feel Jaehyun’s thumb against his slit. “And then I’d fuck you on the hood of your car, or maybe up against the side, in the parking lot.” He can see it, Jaehyun’s fingers sliding against the roof as Mark fucks into him, the car rocking gently with the force of it. Jaehyun weak-kneed and teary; they wouldn’t have time for a lot of prep. Mark pounding into him as people walked by, uncaring. Jaehyun, dripping with Mark’s come, covered in his own, driving them home. Or maybe they were out to lunch, and Jaehyun drives Mark back to school for his afternoon classes. He imagines waving bye through the passenger window, walking into class with his limbs still orgasm-loose.

“You wanna fuck me where everyone can see?” Jaehyun presses. 

“Yeah,” Mark slurs. “Want people to see what I can do. How I make you feel. How I’d only do it for you.”

“I want it, too,” Jaehyun murmurs. “Gonna come?”

“Uh-huh.” He slumps against Jaehyun, his free hand clutching at the back of Jaehyun’s neck to help hold himself up, shaking. He presses a hot, open-mouthed kiss to the top of Jaehyun’s shoulder as his hips thrust up into Jaehyun’s fist, the fabric of his sweats scratching and pulling with every movement. He locks onto a guy pacing in front of his window across the way, looking over the city with his phone to his ear. He doesn’t see Mark, but Mark pretends he does, pretends he sees him draped over Jaehyun, eyes hazy, hips working behind the counter, Jaehyun’s arm moving in tandem.

He comes so hard he can barely hear himself moaning, his fingers digging into Jaehyun’s neck. “Hyung, fuck, fuck, fuck, Jaehyun.” It spills out without Mark meaning for it to. His come is hot and sticky, trapped against his cock with nowhere to go. He feels himself sliding around against the fabric, which sends another crazy jolt of pleasure through his whole body. “Oh, god,” he says weakly, hips twitching erratically. Jaehyun releases him and he bends over the sink, finally setting his water glass down with an unsteady hand. He blows out a hot breath; it fogs on the stainless steel. 

Jaehyun’s voice bleeds amusement when he asks, “Still wanna fuck me against the windows after the sun goes down?”

“Yes,” Mark spits out immediately. “Fuck, hyung, I didn’t even really think I was an exhibitionist before I met you.”

Jaehyun does laugh now, running a hand down Mark’s back. “Sometimes it depends on the partner,” he says. “Maybe you’ve never had anyone you wanted to show off before me.”

His tone is playful, but it rings true. Mark wants to claim Jaehyun in front of everyone, wants him to be his and his only, forever, wants the whole world to know. “Yeah, maybe,” he huffs quietly, standing up. “I’m gonna rinse off before these stick to me.”

When he comes out of the bathroom, shirtless, with a towel wrapped around his waist, Jaehyun is back on the couch watching the sunset. Mark goes to turn off the lights, plunging them into near-darkness, then joins him wordlessly, curling into his side. 

“Your internship ends next week, right?” Jaehyun says. “And school isn’t for another week after that?” Mark nods. “Y’know how we were talking about the peninsula? What if we spent the week out there?”

Mark sits up. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says, like it’s no big deal. “I mean, I might’ve already booked the cabin. Sunday to Friday. It’s okay if you can’t make it, but—”

Mark kisses him, pins him against the couch and kisses him, smiling big against his lips. “Yes,” he says when he pulls away. “Let’s go.”

“You sure? You don’t have plans with your friends?” Jaehyun asks. 

“Nah, they’re not coming in until the weekend anyway. I can just move next weekend,” Mark says. “And it’ll be nice. To spend the time with you, before I get super busy.”

“If you,” Jaehyun ventures slowly. “You know. If you’ll be too busy with school, that’s okay. I know neither of us really planned for this, so…”

Mark shakes his head. “Shut up,” he says. “I still wanna see you.”

“Okay.” Jaehyun still sounds uncertain, his eyes unreadable in the dying light. “Just, with all your classmates coming back and stuff, I thought maybe… I mean, if there’s someone…”

“There’s no one I want more than you,” Mark says. He’s almost angry at him. Does Jaehyun think Mark could give him up that easily? Would it be easy for Jaehyun? He tries to make light of it, swallowing the weird tension before he can ruin such a nice night. “Besides, Princess and Bobby would miss me.”

Jaehyun’s lips quirk up at the corners. “Alright,” he says. “Just making sure.”

“You’re stupid,” Mark says plainly, leaning in to kiss him again. Jaehyun’s laughter rumbles in his chest; he catches one of Mark’s wrists in his hand and holds it between their bodies, trapping Mark at his side. Mark kisses him fervently, half climbing into his lap. The towel loosens and pools over his thighs, but it doesn’t matter because the sun has sunk so far below the horizon it’s practically gone, leaving the sky with only a faint orange tinge. Mark likes this, too—being naked when Jaehyun is still fully clothed. He rubs himself against Jaehyun’s stomach, the head of his cock bumping their hands. 

“You’re insatiable,” Jaehyun accuses softly. There’s no real accusation to it.

“You’re the one who’s gonna be coming for the third time this evening in just a little bit here,” Mark points out.

“Yeah, and whose idea is that?” Jaehyun releases his wrist in favor of grabbing his hip. He pinches him lightly; it doesn’t hurt, but Mark yelps all the same. Even in the darkness, Mark can see every careful line of Jaehyun’s smile. His heart hammers in his chest. 

“You’re pretty, hyung,” he says breathlessly, and Jaehyun rolls his eyes, tugging Mark into him, arms wrapped around his body. 

“You gotta stop calling me that. It isn’t true.” Mark can picture the pink of the blush that he’s sure has risen to his cheeks. It’s not doing much for Jaehyun’s argument.

“I’d never lie to you,” he says, earning himself a bone-crushing squeeze. He presses a noisy, tickle-y kiss to Jaehyun’s neck, then twists himself free so he can look out the windows.

The orange has faded from the sky. The stars are coming out and the moon hangs over the sliver of lake that Mark can see, its reflection rippling in the wake of the party boats. 

“Think it’s dark enough?” Jaehyun asks.

“Let’s close the curtains a little bit,” Mark says. “Less light from the city. Then all people will see are two silhouettes. They’ll look away pretty quick, and even if they don’t, it’s not like they’ll see our faces.”

They pick the corner the half-faces the water, closing the curtains on the windows that face the other building and the rest of the street. Mark ducks into his room for lube. Jaehyun steps out of his shorts, tossing them over to the couch, and Mark returns to tug his shirt up over his head for him. Jaehyun splays a hand over Mark’s stomach, and it strikes Mark then the comfort he has here. He’s not extremely shy about his body, but he never feels comfortable just walking around topless, or pulling his shirt off when it’s hot out like so many of his friends seem perfectly content to do. It’s not that he’s insecure about how he looks, it’s just a general sort of embarrassment at nudity. But not with Jaehyun. He wants Jaehyun to look, likes it when he touches him, skin against skin. It’s not even really in a sexual way—well, not entirely, anyway.

Jaehyun leans in and kisses him. Mark throws his arms over Jaehyun’s shoulders and kisses back, pressing their bodies together. Jaehyun’s just a little bit taller than him, so his cock slides against Mark’s stomach while Mark’s brushes Jaehyun’s inner thigh. They’re both half-hard again, but neither of them move to do anything about it. They just kiss, body to body, soft skin against soft skin. Mark wants to touch Jaehyun everywhere. He wants to push his fingers against Jaehyun’s soft palate and run his thumbs over his teeth, he wants to open a seam in his belly and crawl inside—

And it sounds insane, but all of this is insane. He’s fucking his niece’s fucking music teacher, who’s just about double his age, who—oh, Christ, who Mark actually really cares about, like maybe way too much. Who most certainly doesn’t feel the same way back. 

Mark bites Jaehyun’s lip, too hard. Maybe because he’s angry. Maybe because his heart hurts. Maybe because he wants Jaehyun to be his and this is the only way he can say it. With blood in his mouth. 

Jaehyun, perfect Jaehyun, doesn’t protest or push away. Jaehyun moans. 

It makes Mark weak; he moans back, sweet and soft and low, swiping his tongue over the swollen lump he’s just made. “Sorry,” he mutters. 

Jaehyun just kisses him again. “It’s okay,” he says. “You like it when I cry.” Another kiss. “How do you want me?”

“Facing the window,” Mark says, trying not to say something else, something stupider. 

Jaehyun presses himself to the glass, head turned so he can still see what Mark is doing. Mark pumps some lube onto his palm and then tosses the bottle aside, taking a small dollop of it onto his index finger and spreading it down to the last knuckle. Jaehyun sticks his ass out a little to make things easier, and Mark groans softly. 

“You look so slutty,” he comments.

Jaehyun tries to look put out, Mark thinks, but it’s not really working because his eyes are dark and unfocused. As much as this was Mark’s idea, he can tell Jaehyun is enjoying it a lot. He grins to himself, pressing the finger against Jaehyun’s perineum, then pushing inside.

Jaehyun’s eyes flutter closed; he clenches around Mark, tight and hot. “Jesus,” Mark mumbles, working his finger in to the base and giving Jaehyun a second to adjust before slowly pulling it back out again. “Wish you could see yourself. But that’s part of it, I guess. Everyone can see you but you."

Jaehyun gasps quietly, but he rocks his hips back to meet Mark’s fingers. It softens something in Mark. For you, Jaehyun is saying. He wouldn’t want this with anybody else. Mark wouldn’t, either, he thinks. 

He opens Jaehyun up pretty quick after that, too eager to get to the fucking to really drag it out. Besides, he’s tortured Jaehyun enough for one day with his antics in the car. Soon, he’s fumbling for the lube again to slick up his cock while Jaehyun catches his breath, fogging the window next to his mouth.

Mark pushes into him, gripping his hips with lube-wet hands, but it doesn’t matter. Jaehyun makes fists against the glass, his cock dripping between his legs. Mark slips in deeper and leans forward to rest his forehead on Jaehyun’s spine. “Hyung,” he manages. “God, still so tight. Is it ‘cause you’re nervous?”

“Maybe a little,” Jaehyun says. “Mostly turned on, though.”

“Good,” Mark says. He bottoms out, waits a beat, draws his hips back. Jaehyun is hot and wet around him, soft walls hugging his cock and making pleasure pool in Mark’s belly. He thrusts in, jostling Jaehyun against the window. In the streets below, bar-goers mill about, waiting at stoplights, watching the moon over the water. Any of them could look up and see two bodies pressed to the glass, body heat making it steam up a little and blocking the view. Mark’s next thrust is so hard it’s almost mean. He can hear Jaehyun’s teeth clack against each other, and does it again. 

“Baby,” Jaehyun says, his breath coming in hiccups. Mark hums, kissing his vertebrae. He moves a hand around Jaehyun’s hips to jerk him off, and Jaehyun convulses beneath him. He’s trying and failing to find some purchase on the smooth face of the window. His scrabbling makes something dark and jealous in Mark’s heart bare its teeth.

“So good, hyung,” he says against his skin. “Anyone who looks should thank you. You’re like a fuckin’ wet dream, you know that?” Jaehyun makes a noise of protest, but it turns into a moan when Mark angles his hips just right. “Fuck, yeah, right there?” He hits it again, and Jaehyun is nodding—Mark can’t see it, but he can feel it, the fervent bobbing of his head, the silent yesyesyes. 

The world sort of stills around him. Or maybe Mark’s mind just slows down. He listens to their bodies moving against each other, and the rapid beating of Jaehyun’s heart. He shifts his other hand up to the glass, crowding Jaehyun impossibly closer until he’s completely trapped, just enough room between his body and the window for Mark’s fist, still stroking him in time with his thrusts. Mark pants openmouthed, the hot breath fanning back onto his cheeks after it hits Jaehyun’s skin. Pleasure sparks down his legs, making his knees shake, but he doesn’t stop. Jaehyun is making noises that make part of Mark want to snap him in half and another part to wrap Jaehyun up in, like, fucking bubble wrap or something, Mark doesn’t know, all he knows is everything feels good, even the way his knuckles bump against the glass, even the way his thighs are getting sore, and–

“Mark, Mark, gonna come,” Jaehyun warns, and Mark makes some kind of low, insane noise in his chest and speeds up. Jaehyun squeaks out something that sounds like oh, fuck, and then he’s shooting come over Mark’s fingers and painting the glass with it. Mark lifts his head, craning his neck so he can see around Jaehyun’s body, can see his come dripping down toward the floor in a porn-perfect splatter. 

It overwhelms him, and he can’t even say anything before he’s coming, too, still thrusting unevenly into Jaehyun’s body. His come mixes with the lube, squelching a little, but even that is hot to Mark. He can’t help the way his hips give little phantom twitches even after he tries to stop, still chasing the high as they both come down.

They stay like that, slumped against the window, Jaehyun’s release the crowning piece of evidence in their fucked up little crime scene. Mark knows it’s almost worse if people see them now, but he still doesn’t care. He’s bone-tired and deeply satisfied with himself. He doesn’t even move when, after he pulls out, he hears his own release dripping out of Jaehyun and hitting his floors. 

It’s Jaehyun who finally peels them off the windows. Jaehyun who cleans up the come dripping down the glass, the spatters on the floor. Jaehyun who gets them in the shower, just enough to get the gross stuff off. Jaehyun who guides Mark to bed and tucks him in. He sits on the edge of the mattress, stroking Mark’s hair while Mark battles sleep. 

“I’ll see you next Thursday at pickup,” Mark mumbles. “I have drinks with coworkers Friday and I need to finish moving Saturday, but I should be done before dinner. We’re gonna head out Sunday morning?”

“Mm-hm,” Jaehyun agrees. “Need any help moving?”

“James ‘s got me,” Mark replies. “It’s okay.”

“Okay.” Jaehyun leans over and kisses his forehead. “Okay if I just lock the bottom lock on my way out?”

“Yeah,” Mark agrees.

“Sleep well, baby.” Jaehyun’s voice moves farther away as he stands. “I already set your alarm.”

Thank you, Mark wants to say. But he’s so tired. He hears Jaehyun give a soft sigh of amusement. Another kiss to his forehead, to send him to sleep. Mark doesn’t even hear Jaehyun close the door.

///

James comes to pick Mark up bright and early, but he has breakfast so Mark doesn’t complain, just hops in the car, shoving his bag in the back.

“Where are you taking Annie?” he asks, taking a bite of his ham and egg croissant. 

“Over to Orcas Island,” James says. “Booked a nice hotel room, fancy dinner, you know. We’re trying to catch the ten o’clock ferry, so we’ll basically have to leave as soon as I drop you off.”

“Have fun,” Mark says around a mouthful of food. 

Lucy is in high spirits when they arrive, giggling with glee over getting to have a sleepover with her Mark-samchon. She clings to Mark’s leg as her parents finish packing up the car. Mark watches his brother and his sister-in-law, the easy way they have with each other. How Annie can hold her hand out and James knows to pass her his bag without a word. The way they don’t bump into each other, not once, in the chaos of packing up their car because they know each other so well, know exactly where the other is at all times and what they’ll do next. Mark tries to imagine him and Jaehyun like this, years down the road, maybe with a child of their own. The image is fuzzy at best. 

Because as much as he and Jaehyun play pretend, what they have isn’t like this. No amount of blankets tucked securely around Mark’s shoulders and kisses pressed to his forehead can change that. Mark is just a passing whim of Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun will, in time, find someone his age, someone more settled, more mature. The warmth of last night seeps away as his brother’s life throws it into sharp contrast. At best, Mark will be a short, beautiful spring in the long years of Jaehyun’s life. Summer will burn through them and autumn will come. The leaves will change, and Jaehyun will have no more use for him. So there’s no point in Mark trying to pursue anything more, because Jaehyun would say no, and even if he didn’t right away, Mark knows eventually he wouldn’t be enough for Jaehyun anymore.

And the worst part is, Mark knows Jaehyun would be right to say no. Because even if they could make it work somehow… then what? Mark probably won’t stay in Seattle, and he certainly can’t settle down right away. Jaehyun won’t just wait for him. He shouldn’t. Mark wouldn’t let him, the same way Jaehyun wouldn’t let Mark shape his life around their relationship. 

He gets that terrible tugging feeling again, like he’s straining against the present. He knows it’s going to hurt when he and Jaehyun have to go their separate ways, and Mark almost wishes they could rush through goodbye so he could stop waiting for it, not knowing how bad it will be or how it will feel. He’ll be miserable, he knows, but at least he’ll know where he stands. It’s not like he’s not hurting now. He might as well get it all over with.

James’ voice pulls him out of it. “We’re gonna head out, okay? Just call if you need anything.”

“Sure,” Mark agrees, still half in his own head. “Have fun!”

“Bye!” Lucy calls, waving madly from the doorway until the car pulls out onto the street and disappears. 

“Well,” Mark says after they close the door, trying to be present with her instead of drowning in his own head. “What d’you wanna do?”

Lucy pulls him into an elaborate game of make believe, where Mark is an evil king and Lucy and her army of stuffed animals work together to take over his kingdom (the couch in the living room). It ends when Mark allows himself to be pulled to the floor and buried under piles of plush ponies and teddy bears, begging for mercy. 

Lucy sits on Mark’s stomach, grinning triumphantly.

“Oof, Luce,” Mark groans, not really meaning it. “You’re gonna be too big to sit on me pretty soon.”

“Not yet though,” she says pertly. “But I wanna grow.”

“Yeah?” Mark can’t hide his amusement.

“Yeah.” Lucy nods seriously, spreading her hand in front of Mark’s face. “Jaehyun-seonsaengnim says I’ll be big enough to play a real piano when I grow more. I’m too small now. But soon.”

“I bet Jaehyun-seonsaengnim is right,” Mark says, regarding her little hand. “You’re outgrowing that little keyboard. It’ll be a while before you can reach the pedals, though.”

“I’ll make Appa press them,” she says, unconcerned. She tips her head. “You and Jaehyun-seonsaengnim are good friends, right?”

Mark starts a little. “Yeah, we’re good friends,” he agrees. “I like him. He’s funny, right?”

Lucy nods. “He thinks you’re funny, too,” she says. “He always smiles when you’re there.”

Mark files that away for Jaehyun later. They better be careful, because it sounds like Lucy is picking up on some things. The last thing he needs is for James to hear from his baby girl that Mark and Jaehyun make eyes at each other every time Mark goes to pick her up. 

Lucy has moved on, though; she stands with purpose, releasing him. “I’m hungry,” she says. “Noodles for dinner?”

The night passes uneventfully. Mark makes Lucy bunny-shaped mac and cheese and gives up on trying to explain that Annie’s is also a brand and doesn’t have anything to do with her mom. They share a popsicle and watch cartoons until Lucy’s eyes are drooping, and Mark carts her off to the bathroom to brush her teeth and give her a quick bath before bed. She’s out like a light as soon as her head hits the pillow, and Mark goes back down to clean up the kitchen and then watch some TV until he gets sleepy too.

Around eleven, as Mark’s just thinking about heading to bed, he gets a text from Jaehyun. He thinks about ignoring it, too sore and raw about the things that are breaking ground inside him, but he knows he can’t punish Jaehyun for things that aren’t his fault. 

>>> How are things?

Good. Lucy didn’t even complain about bedtime. <<<

I think she’s onto us <<<

>>> uh oh. What do you mean?

she’s noticed us joking around at pickup <<<

she asked if we were good friends <<<

>>> Good friends 👀

Is that the first emoji you’ve ever used in your life <<<

>>> I’m not prehistoric, Mark

>>> so what did you say

yes <<<

hopefully not too nervously <<<

>>> I’m sure it’s fine haha

>>> I’ll keep my distance next week just in case

Well, not too far I hope <<<

Mark pockets his phone and stands, stretching before he goes to put himself to bed. He tries to forget all the tough stuff for now, and lulls himself to sleep remembering the way he fucked Jaehyun against his windows. As far as lullabies go, it’s pretty shoddy, but Mark allows himself the bandaid.

The next morning, Lucy comes to wake him up so he can make them breakfast. They race to the kitchen and Mark asks if she’s ever had chocolate chip pancakes. She shakes her head, shiny hair bouncing excitedly, and Mark considers for a moment the damage he may be inflicting on James and Annie before deciding he doesn’t care because it’ll make Lucy love him forever, and goes to get the flour. 

Lucy settles at the breakfast bar while Mark mixes the batter so she can watch (and steal a few chocolate chips out of the bag, which Mark pretends not to see). “So is it true you don’t have a girlfriend?” she asks him as he beats the eggs. “Or boyfriend,” she amends, not-so-sneakily popping another chocolate chip in her mouth.

Mark gives a sort of sigh-laugh, reaching for the vanilla. “I’m too busy, silly! I have school and stuff soon, and then I’m gonna have to look for a job.”

“But,” Lucy protests. “Appa already married Eomma when he was your age.”

“Well,” Mark says patiently. He gets out the big cast-iron griddle and lays it across two burners, then turns the burners on. “Your appa finished school early. Careful of this griddle, ‘kay Luce? It’s gonna get super hot and I don’t want you to burn your hands. It’ll hurt for days and days.” Lucy nods seriously. “Anyway, my brother was lucky enough to meet his person—that’s your eomma—when he was young. Not all of us are that lucky.”

“So… you haven’t found your person yet?” Lucy asks.

Mark thinks of Jaehyun. He shakes his head. “Not yet,” he says, spreading the batter for the first pancakes. “But that’s okay. I think I want to get my career started first, and then see what happens.” He plucks up the bag of chocolate chips before Lucy’s hand can inch any closer. “And don’t think I don’t see you, you little thief. You’d eat the rest of this bag if I let you and then you wouldn’t even get to try the pancakes!”

“No I wouldn’t!” Lucy protests, giggling, but she at least has the decency to look contrite. “I hope I’m like you,” she continues, and Mark blinks. “I don’t wanna get married early. I wanna be a musician like Jaehyun-seonsaengnim and go around the world!”

“I hope you do,” Mark says, smiling at her with genuine amusement. 

When James and Annie get home that evening, they rescue Mark from, like, his twentieth round of Go, Fish. James sits with Mark in the living room, helping him clean up all the toys while Annie allows herself to be accosted by her daughter.

“Did she behave?” James asks.

“Oh, yeah,” Mark says. “You got a good kid, man. I may have introduced her to chocolate chip pancakes, though, so… sorry about that.”

Distantly, from the kitchen, they can hear Lucy asking Annie if they can have chocolate chip pancakes in the morning. James laughs to himself. “Well, that means I get to eat them, too, so I’m not complaining. Ready to head home?”

“Yeah.” Mark gathers his shit and says bye to Annie and Lucy before stepping out onto the porch. The sun is going down, and the heat is receding. Summer really is almost over, he thinks. It comes with a flash of unexpected anxiety.

He hops in the car and James joins him, pulling out onto the street. “Annie was thrilled,” he says before Mark can even ask. “So, thanks again.”

Mark nods. “I mean, I got to hang out with Lucy, so it’s no big deal, but I’m glad it went well,” he replies. With a start, he realizes he still needs to tell James about his peninsula plans. “Oh, I meant to tell you. I’m gonna spend next week out on the peninsula, since my internship is over.”

“By yourself?” James asks.

Mark makes a mental note to text Johnny. “Yeah, I asked my friends, but no one was free. And I know I won’t have time once school starts, so.”

“Just be safe, okay? Mom’d wring my fuckin’ neck if something happened to you,” James says. Mark nods, thinking about all the things Mom would wring both of their fuckin’ necks about if she knew.

“Yeah, I know,” he says. “Sorry for not mentioning it sooner, I just kept forgetting. Annie’ll have to pick Lucy up from music lessons.”

“Actually, I think her teacher is gonna be out of town that week, too,” James says, and Mark pretends like this information surprises him. “So no music lessons. Good timing, really.”

James picks him up from work, AC blasting in his Prius. “Mom made me promise we’d call,” he warns as he pulls out into traffic. “So I’m gonna get us together for that as soon as we get home, before Lucy gets too tired.”

“Sounds good,” Mark says, amused. 

“Speaking of Lucy,” James continues, “I was hoping to take Annie on a little vacation next weekend. Just one night, we’d leave Saturday morning and be back Sunday afternoon. Think you could watch her for us?”

“If you pay for our food,” Mark agrees. “And pick me up and drop me off.”

“Fair enough,” James says, shaking his head. “You’re hired.”

Mark laments the lost time with Jaehyun in his head, but he can’t really put his heart in it. It’ll be fun to hang out with Lucy, and she goes to bed early so he can stay up playing video games or something. Besides, Mark likes Annie, so he has to help his brother do something nice for her. 

Deals struck, they spend the rest of the car ride chatting about Mark’s birthday plans. Johnny said he had an itinerary for them but wouldn’t tell Mark what it was, and Yuta and Ten both seemed pretty excited, so Mark’s a little nervous.

“I’m kind of scared they’re taking me to some crazy strip club or something,” Mark says. 

“If they are, don’t call me to come pick you up because I’m just gonna laugh my ass off,” James says, grinning, as he pulls into his driveway.

Lucy is at the door with her mother, telling Mark happy birthday as soon as she lays eyes on him. “Eomma said you’re—twenty-one,” she says. “You’re way bigger than me.”

“I think that’s the nicest way to be called old,” James says with a laugh. “Believe it or not, Luce, you’re gonna be twenty-one someday, too!”

Mark takes her hand. “I’d rather be three than twenty-one,” he says. “Three’s a good age.”

“Three’s the best age,” Lucy agrees firmly. “‘Til I’m four, and then four’s the best, and then five…” 

Annie brings dinner to the table while James tries to figure out where he wants to put his iPad for the call. Finally, he settles on leaning it up against the napkin holder on the far side of the table and calls their parents.

“Happy birthday!” his parents burst out in unison as soon as the FaceTime connects. 

“Thank you,” Mark says with a grin.

They chatter about his life, how work’s going, if he’s ready for school in the fall. His dad tells him they’ve sent him a little care package that should arrive in a couple days.

“What are your plans for tonight, Mark?” his mother asks. “Oh, do you have someone special to take you on a date?”

“No, I’m just going out with some friends,” Mark says over Lucy’s giggling. 

“Aw, that’s good, but I hope you can find someone soon!” his mom presses. “James and Annie were already together at your age. Our Mark is so smart and handsome, I’m sure plenty of boys are interested!”

“Ugh, Eomma, I’m busy with school, I’m not like James. He had himself figured out.” Mark makes a face at James across the table, trying to ignore the strange stinging in his chest. “I can barely manage myself, how am I supposed to manage somebody else?”

“But you’re all alone,” his mother protests. “We worry about you!”

Mark knows she means well, and normally this kind of questioning honestly wouldn’t bother him. He’s fine not having a partner. Except… he thinks of Jaehyun. It’s not exactly true now, that he’s alone. And Jaehyun is going to be the reason he’ll remain publicly single for the foreseeable future, at least. But he’s not the same as a real boyfriend. He never will be. Because even if Mark and Jaehyun could work something out, how on earth would he tell his parents? They’d never accept it. Would they? “I have my friends,” Mark says instead, but it sounds a little flat to his own ears. “I’m fine, really.”

“Mark’s independent,” his father chimes in, saving him. “He’ll settle down when he’s ready.”

They exchange a few more pleasantries, the parents asking after Lucy. Mark lets her steal the spotlight, mind darkening with thoughts of the future and not quite able to focus on the bright conversation at hand. He does tune back in to finally say goodbye with a promise to call soon, and they’re left to dig into their cooling dinner.

Once they eat, Mark helps James clear the table while Annie runs to “get a surprise” from upstairs. James pulls Mark’s cake out of the fridge, along with numbered candles, a two and a one. The cake is a red velvet from Mark’s favorite bakery with pale blue frosting—James said he realized only after it was going to look like the American flag, but that he was more focused on getting a flavor Mark liked and his favorite color.

“It’s fine, man,” Mark says, grinning. “Thank you anyway.”

“Here, open this first,” Annie says. “Your friends will be here any minute, and I think they’ll want to participate in singing Happy Birthday.”

“This” turns out to be a very pretty hardcover anthology of Edgar Allen Poe’s poetry and short stories. Mark flips through it, genuinely touched. “Thank you,” he says, looking up at them. “This is going in a place of honor on my bookshelf. Can I leave it here tonight?”

“Of course,” Annie says, laughing, accepting it back. 

“We were originally looking at some nice first-edition books,” James says. “You know, like those rare ones. But they require special care and storage, which I don’t think you have access to quite yet.”

“Yeah, I appreciate the thought but I’m glad you didn’t,” Mark says fervently. “I think the responsibility would’ve given me a heart attack.”

Just then the doorbell rings, and when Mark answers it, Johnny, Yuta, and Ten are waiting. “Just in time for cake,” he says with a grin, leading them inside.

The candles are still lying haphazardly on the table next to the cake. “You’re turning twelve?” Johnny asks sarcastically.

 “Dude,” Mark says, rolling his eyes over Yuta’s shoulder as he’s squeezed into a hug.

James puts the candles on the cake (in the correct order) and then lights them while Annie flicks off the lights. They all sing Happy Birthday, with Ten egging Lucy into doing some silly additions at the end, and then Mark blows out the candles and the lights come back on so they can slice out the cake.

“So where are you guys off to tonight?” Annie asks.

“Top secret,” Johnny replies. “But we promise we’ll get him home safe.”

Mark kinda feels like a little kid all of a sudden. He forgets sometimes that Johnny and Yuta and Ten are all around James’ and Annie’s age despite the fact that they’re Mark’s friends. He takes a bite of cake. He thinks maybe he’s always going to be in a hurry to grow up.

The cake is eaten, and Lucy’s getting tired, and the bus is coming soon anyway, so they head out without too much more fanfare. The sun is working on setting, so the air is cooling but still hot. Yuta slings an arm over Mark’s shoulders as they make their way down the sidewalk. “Ready for your big night?”

“I’m getting more and more terrified by the minute,” Mark replies, which makes the other three laugh. 

“We’re just taking you out to our favorite bars,” Johnny reassures him, though his grin still seems a little too wild. “We’ve just never really seen you out and about! It’s different from those little college parties we go to.”

“I’ve been out drinking before,” Mark grumbles, but he knows going to the bar for a drink with James on his nineteenth birthday in Vancouver is not the same as going out clubbing here, now.

“You have your passport, right?” Ten asks.

“Yep,” Mark says, patting his pocket. “Which I’m sure isn’t going to score me any points.”

“Maybe it’ll make you look exotic,” Johnny says.

“Or just like a fuckin’ loser,” Mark grumbles. “You all have your licenses.”

“Well, you can fix that anytime, honey,” Ten points out, and Mark just gives a groan of defeat.

They pile onto the bus, collapsing into the four-across sideways seats that are elevated over the center of the first section, Mark on one end with Johnny next to him. While those two chat, Johnny ducks his head and asks, real quiet, “How are things with the DILF?”

Mark jabs him with his elbow; Johnny doesn’t react. “They’re fine,” he hisses. “He hasn’t tried to murder me yet.”

Johnny wiggles his eyebrows. “You seeing him this weekend?”

“I told him maybe tomorrow, if I don’t feel like shit,” Mark replies. “So don’t try to get me wasted. Now shut up, if those two find out, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Johnny actually listens to him for once, and the rest of the bus ride is peaceful. Ten pulls the stop wire, and they get off on a busy street. Mark doesn’t see their destination at first, but finally zones in on an unassuming bar down the street.

Yuta notices the look on his face. “We’re starting you off easy,” he explains. “Can’t expect you not to bolt if we just threw you right into one of those gay clubs where everyone is naked.”

“We’re going to a gay club where everyone is naked?” Mark asks, looking down at his shorts and t-shirt combo.

“They have a coat check,” Ten says cheerfully. “And I brought something for you.” He points at the fanny pack that Johnny has clipped across his chest.

Mark doesn’t know if he likes the sound of that, especially not if it can fit in there, but he has to admit a small part of him is excited, too. Maybe with a few drinks running through his system, the excitement will win out. 

This bar, though, is busy but not crowded, well-lit enough that Mark can see where he’s going, and casual. They order a round—beer for Johnny, mixed drinks for the rest—and sip on them. Mark looks around the bar, seeing couples, groups of friends, the occasional loner. He wonders if Jaehyun has been to this bar. It’s a little under his general lifestyle now, but when he first came to Seattle, he was poor, and could’ve easily ended up here. The bar definitely looks old enough, far more than that. He’s not sure those sprinklers are up to code.

Mark gives himself a shake. However ominous his friends’ plans seem, he’s here to have fun with them. He can’t do that if he’s letting the ghost of Jaehyun’s younger self haunt him up and down the streets. He takes a long pull of his drink, earning himself a cheer from Ten. 

The next bar they go to is a little more upbeat, but there’s not a dance floor, so Mark guesses their plan is to get him pretty drunk before entering an actual club. That’s fine. He slams back another mixed drink and finishes Johnny’s beer when he decides he doesn’t like that one and goes to get another. By the time they leave their third bar, Mark’s definitely solidly buzzed, whatever padding he had from dinner gone. 

Good timing, too—the next place is a club, and they get carded at the door, pay a cover fee, and get their hands stamped before being allowed in. Ten drags him to the bar, where he is apparently recognized. Over the pounding music, he points at Mark and shouts something about it being his twenty-first birthday. 

In an instant, tequila shots are poured for all of them and a lime wedge is shoved into one of Mark’s hands while a small pile of salt is collecting on the back of his other one. Mark screws his eyes shut, licks up the salt, and takes the shot, chasing it quickly with the lime so he can convince his taste buds that everything is fine. 

“An extra one for the birthday boy,” the bartender says with an easy smile, passing Mark something else, which he balks at.

“Don’t be a baby, it’s a green tea shot, it’s yummy,” Ten goads, and, fuck, Mark’s being offered free drinks, and he’s always been a sucker for peer pressure, so he throws that one back, too. As soon as the glass is back on the counter, Ten is chirping a thank-you to the bartender, saying something about getting Mark laid tonight, and dragging him out to the dance floor.

“Ten, I’m not going home with anybody. Or bringing anybody home,” he shouts as they push through the crowd. 

“Oh-kay,” Ten singsongs, turning when he finds an open spot at pulling Mark close to dance. Johnny and Yuta appear on either side, so Mark is trapped. “But you can at least have a little fun. Dance with someone. Kiss someone! It’s your birthday!”

The only person Mark really wants to be kissing is Jaehyun. Jaehyun. It’s not like they’re exclusive. They’ve never even tried to discuss what they are. Jaehyun’s never made any indication that he’d mind, but… as far as Mark knows, he’s the only person in Jaehyun’s life right now. So it feels a little unfair.

He extricates himself from Ten’s hands. “Promise I’m not running away,” he says when he gets some concerned looks. “I just have to piss.”

He weaves his way out of the crowd and finds the bathroom. It’s dinky and gross, but whatever. He locks himself in a stall in case one of his friends follows him in, and then opens his text thread with Jaehyun.

hey, this is bad timing but I’m out with my friends like I said and I guess I never thought to ask if you’re cool with me like dancing with other guys and stuff? <;<<

I know it’s not like we’re actually dating or whatever but I thought I should ask <;<<

Jaehyun’s response comes pretty quick.

>>> Don’t worry about me baby

>>> It’s your birthday. Have some fun!

Mark chews his lip, looking over the message. Somehow, it’s not what he wanted to hear. He wanted… he wanted Jaehyun to say no. He wanted Jaehyun to say he was his, and no one else’s. But, he reminds himself with a pang in his chest, they don’t belong to each other. 

okay, if you say so! <;<<

I’m not sleeping with anybody else though. Promise. <;<<

He can practically hear Jaehyun’s soft laughter in the next reply.

>>> You don’t have to promise that

>>> But okay :) have a good night and stay safe! call me if you need anything

Thanks <;<<

It makes Mark feel worse, honestly. He pockets his phone and goes to wash his hand so he doesn’t look like a weirdo, and then heads back out to the dance floor to find his friends. What did you expect, dumbass? he berates himself as he excuse me, sorrys his way through the crowd. Of course he doesn’t mind. You’re just fucking. There’s no reason for him to be possessive or emotional about it. So neither should you.

By the time he spots Johnny’s head over the sea of people, he’s resolved to forget all about Jaehyun tonight. Fine, if Jaehyun doesn’t care who he kisses or who he fucks, then Mark won’t turn anyone down tonight. He’ll prove to Jaehyun (and himself) that there are other people out there for him, and that he’s just feeling a little attached because Jaehyun’s the only person he’s fucked in the last year or so. Not because it’s real. 

“Thought you really had run out on us,” Yuta shouts with a grin when Mark joins them. 

“Nah, I just couldn’t figure out the drawstring on these!” Mark shouts back. “My fingers don’t work when I’m drunk!”

Not too long after, some pretty boy comes up and asks Mark to dance with him. Mark accepts, peeling away from his group a little so they can have some privacy. Mark doesn’t catch his name but pretends he hears him after he repeats himself for the second time.

“I saw you guys chatting with the bartender!” The guy shouts. “I’ve never seen you here before.”

“No, it’s my friend that knows him,” Mark replies. “I haven’t been before.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“It’s my twenty-first birthday,” Mark explains.

“Oh,” the guy says with a smile. He leans in closer. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks,” Mark says, leaning in, too, and kisses him. 

And it’s fine. Good, even. But he’s still thinking of Jaehyun when they pull away, and with that comes a sort of sobering disappointment. Mark tries to brush it aside. One kiss isn’t going to fix you, he thinks. You have to keep going.

“What?” The guy looks a little confused, and Mark realizes he’s kind of just been looking at him.

“Nothing,” Mark says. “D’you wanna go get another drink?”

The night kind of blurs from there. Mark doesn’t black out, per se, but he definitely loses track of time and becomes quite malleable. He lets his friends whisk him on to the next club, and the next, dancing with strangers and making out with a fair number, too. It gets a little better, but nothing sparks in his stomach the way he’s kind of hoping it does.

They reach the club Ten was talking about. He strips to booty shorts and a fucking hot pink bikini top, because of course he does, and shoves a black crop top and matching shorts into Mark’s hands. It’s not atrocious, so Mark changes, since he doesn’t fit in here in his own clothes. Yuta’s literally wearing a jockstrap and a tiny leather vest, which Mark is honestly kind of impressed by. Johnny, on the other hand, simply takes off his shirt to reveal a harness across his chest and back.

“What the fuck?” Mark asks, and Johnny just grins and saunters off to coat check.

The lighting is dark blue-purple and sexy, and everyone is just as naked as Mark and his friends, so he quickly loses his self-consciousness. Besides, Mark knows he’s hot, and this is confirmed by the number of people that put their hands on him in the span of the next half an hour or so, offering to buy him more drinks. He lets himself get lost in it, giving out kisses freely, even guiding the hands lower when he likes the person they’re attached to.

But even through the weird lust-haze and alcohol, Mark still feels kind of empty. Not in a bad, hollow way, necessarily, just a little lonely. This is fun, and these guys are hot. But they’re not Jaehyun. 

Finally, when Mark nearly trips over himself on the way to the bathroom, Johnny calls it a night. He retrieves their clothes and they gather in the bathroom to get changed before figuring out how they’re getting home. 

Mark is a short bus ride away, so Johnny offers to come with him to make sure he makes it home while Ten and Yuta try to figure out Ubers. 

“It wasn’t too much, was it?” Ten asks, slurring a little. “You had fun?”

Mark can honestly say that he did, despite his inner turmoil, so he nods. “Yeah, Tennie,” he says, trying and failing to get Ten’s face to focus. “I had fun.”

Ten gives him a happy kiss on the forehead before they head outside. Yuta takes Mark by the elbow so he doesn’t trip on the stairs, and then they’re out in the cool night air. Johnny and Mark wave goodbye to the other two and hurry down to the nearest bus stop.

“You weren’t lying to Ten?” Johnny asks. “You really had fun?”

“Yeah,” Mark says earnestly, or at least as earnestly he can when he’s not really sure what his own voice sounds like. “I think ‘m the right amount of drunk. Wouldn’t do it every weekend, but I get the appeal.”

Johnny grins, ushering him onto the bus and into a seat. “Think your DILF will mind?”

This sobers Mark somewhat. “I know he doesn’t,” he says.

Johnny blinks, surprised. “You okay?”

“I texted him to ask,” Mark explains. “If he would mind. And he just… told me to have fun.”

“That’s good, right?” Johnny asks, now thoroughly perplexed.

“I guess,” Mark mumbles. “I just—I dunno. Thought maybe he would care more.”

“Don’t tell me you’re catching feelings,” Johnny says.

“No,” Mark refutes quickly, then shakes his head. “I dunno. Maybe.”

“It’s not gonna end well, man.” Johnny’s voice has gentled, and Mark thinks that might break him. “Hey. Look at me.” Mark peeks up miserably. “You, Mark Lee, are young and hot and cool, and you can do way better than some random middle-aged guy. No matter how good of a fuck he is. Or how much money he has. Okay?”

Mark sighs and nods. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Johnny reaches up for the stop wire. “Want me to stay the night? Keep an eye on you?”

Mark shakes his head. “Nah, it’s okay. I’m not that drunk. Mostly just tired. I don’t think I’m even gonna puke.”

“Good.” Johnny leads him outside and walks him down the street to his building, all the way up to the front door. “Then have a good night.” He opens his arms for a hug and Mark accepts. “And happy birthday, man.”

“Not my birthday anymore, it’s like three a.m.,” Mark argues into Johnny’s chest. Johnny laughs.

When Mark gets up to his room, he immediately just strips and heads into the shower to get the layer of everyone else’s sweat off his skin. As the water’s heating, he unlocks his phone and finds it still open to his texts with Jaehyun.

I miss you <;<<

wish it was you tonight instead <;<<

He’ll probably regret it in the morning, but right now he’s too drunk and tired to care. He sets his phone on the counter and steps into the steaming shower. 

When he gets out, a single text is waiting for him.

>>> Go to bed, baby. I’ll see you tomorrow

Mark leaves his phone there, the text unanswered, flicks off the lights, and collapses naked into bed. Despite the spins that threaten to overtake him, he’s asleep within minutes.

///

Mark wakes with a dry mouth, a pounding headache, and the dull but insistent push of nausea in the back of his throat. He rolls out of bed with a groan and shuffled into the bathroom to gag into his toilet. Most of what comes up is burning liquid, and once he’s done, he does feel better, though the headache persists. 

He lets himself rest on the floor by the toilet for a few minutes before getting up to swish with mouthwash, since brushing his teeth is going to require hand-eye coordination that he currently does not possess. He checks his phone, which is cheerily displaying the ungodly time of 7:13 a.m., and doesn’t see any new texts.

Mouth sufficiently washed, Mark slaps around the medicine cabinet for some Advil and takes two of those with a handful of water right out of the tap, then drags himself back to bed. He crawls under the covers and knocks right back out. 

The next time he wakes up, it’s to a significantly weaker headache, no nausea, and full body aches. He lies there, weighing the merits of just dying right here and decomposing, but ultimately decides against it because Chenle’s parents don’t deserve to clean up that kind of mess. He scoots out of bed, uses the bathroom, and checks his phone while he actually brushes his teeth. 

He reads over his texts with Jaehyun last night and groans. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he thinks, rinsing out his mouth and cleaning his toothbrush. He takes a couple more Advil and then decides he should probably get some food in his stomach while he considers what to say. 

sorry about that ^ haha 😅 <;<<

about all of it really <;<<

It takes Jaehyun the time it takes for Mark’s bread to toast to reply. 

>>> All good! How’s the hangover?

>>> Think you could meet me for brunch?

Mark munches on his plain toast, contemplating. 

hangover was worse this morning, I’m better now <;<<

but yeah give me like an hour or two <;<<

>>> Okay, see you at noon!

Mark gets himself a glass of water and then flops down on his couch, taking sips of the water and small, tentative bites of his bread. It settles his stomach even more. Maybe he’ll actually get to enjoy brunch.

After letting his body adjust to being awake for a bit, he finally gets up and gets himself ready. Takes a quick shower to get the vomit-sweat off. Brushes his teeth again. Tries to style his hair. Gets dressed in something he hopes is brunch appropriate. By the time Jaehyun texts to say he’s outside, Mark almost feels like a person again.

“Hey, baby,” Jaehyun says with a sympathetic grin. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like I got run over by a semi and also poisoned,” Mark replies, dropping into the passenger seat. “Mostly fine, though.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Good twenty-first?”

“Could say that,” Mark replies, thinking of all the boys he kissed. He wants to tell Jaehyun about it. He wants to say I met so many people last night and they were all great but they weren’t you. He wants to say why didn’t you care who I was kissing? Why don’t I matter to you? He wants to say is it allowed that I let you matter to me? “Where are we going?” he asks instead. 

“One of my favorite brunch spots,” Jaehyun says. “I made a reservation last week, figured it might be around this time. It’s casual but popular.”

Maybe Jaehyun cares more than Mark gives him credit for. He made a reservation last week. Clearly, he’s been thinking about it. “Sounds good,” he says genuinely. 

The restaurant is, in fact, crowded, with a long line of people waiting to put their names down. They’re taken to a small table near the back and left alone. Mark’s not sure he should go for anything partially cooked, or anything overly sweet, so he settles on a small plate of scrambled eggs and bacon with potatoes, and stresses to their server that the eggs be well-cooked. Jaehyun laughs at him over the rim of his water glass.

“I remember my twenty-first birthday,” Jaehyun says, grinning. “I was in much worse shape than you the next day, so good job.”

“What did you do?” Mark asks, intrigued.

“Well, like you, I was from a place where I could legally drink earlier, so it wasn’t my first time having unrestricted access to alcohol,” Jaehyun says. “But unlike you, I suffered delusions of grandeur and thought I could take on that stupid twenty-one bar challenge.”

“Like, go to twenty-one bars and have a drink at each?” Mark asks, wrinkling his nose when Jaehyun nods sheepishly. “I had maybe like seven or eight drinks last night, and I think that was one or two too many. So did you make it to twenty-one?”

“God, no,” Jaehyun says. “I blacked out at like maybe twelve, and my boyfriend at the time later told me I had a few more after that before promptly vomiting them back up onto the sidewalk. At least we were outside.” 

Mark is struck with the sudden and sharp reminder that Jaehyun has lived a whole life before him. He had boyfriends when he was younger, boyfriends he loved. He’s probably had his heart broken more than once. There’s a clawing hunger in Mark’s chest to know more, to know it all, to peel back all of Jaehyun’s layers until he’s seen every last one, to lave over his most secret parts with his own tongue—and there’s fear, too; fear that he might not like what he finds, and worse, fear that he will like it, fear of his own hunger and what it might mean.

“What were you like?” he asks quietly. “When you were my age? Did you go out with your friends like that often?”

Jaehyun laughs, shaking his head. “No, I was always sort of shy and soft-spoken. I liked going out, but only if people I knew were there and only if I could get home quickly.”

Mark can imagine it. Jaehyun’s face, bright and fresh with youth, skin smooth and free of smile lines. The flush of his cheeks. The same silly laugh. He imagines him in the corner of some bar, arms crossed over his chest with a beer in one hand, tucked against his bicep. Watching his friends quietly. He imagines a red-faced and drunk Jaehyun knocking back shots amid cheering. Stumbling out onto the street and vomiting unceremoniously at his own feet. The pinch of his eyebrows. The sweat on his hairline. Mark’s heart feels like it’s been beat flat with a meat tenderizer. He gives Jaehyun an unsteady smile. “I can’t imagine you any other way,” he says.

“So, anyway, obviously the next morning I was in the worst pain I’d ever been in in my life. I spent well into the afternoon alternating between sipping a little water and going to throw it back up again,” Jaehyun continues as their food arrives. “Thank you. At one point, my friends were considering just taking me to the hospital because I was so dehydrated. I told them to wait until the evening, and I’d go if I wasn’t better by then, because I was so embarrassed and I didn’t want my parents to find out I’d been so stupid.” Jaehyun shakes his head ruefully. “Lucky for me, by around three or four, I was able to keep a cup of water down. I swore up and down I’d never drink again, but… you know how that goes.”

Mark nods, popping a potato in his mouth and making a noise of appreciation. As usual, Jaehyun’s found a great spot. “That’s kind of hilarious,” he says. “I’m glad you didn’t die.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jaehyun giggles. “I am proud to say that’s the last time I’ve blacked out from drinking, and one of the last times I ever threw up from drinking, so at least I learned my lesson kind of.”

“That is impressive,” Mark says. “I know logically my limit is about six drinks, but somewhere around drink five I get convinced I can do like five more, and it all just goes downhill from there.”

“Did you blackout last night?” Jaehyun asks curiously.

“I don’t think so,” Mark says, and then remembers his texts to him and cringes. “I am sorry about those texts from like three a.m. I literally remember thinking, like, I’ll probably hate myself in the morning, and then sending them anyway. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, laughing. “No, I was up late doing some work,” he says. “Don’t worry about it. They definitely could’ve been worse. All you said was that you missed me, which is fair. I’m pretty great.”

Mark groans. “Still, it was kind of pathetic of me,” he mumbles, stabbing at the last of his potatoes.

“Well,” Jaehyun says, chasing a blueberry around his plate with his fork. “You’re young. You’re allowed to be a little stupid. It’s okay, really. I think I’m flattered that I’m the one you’re drunk-texting.”

“Who else would it be?” Mark asks without thinking. 

Jaehyun blinks at him. “I don’t know,” he says evenly. “I don’t know what you do when you’re not with me.”

And you don’t care, Mark thinks bitterly, and then mentally smacks himself for being childish. “Please, I don’t have time for anybody else,” he says, keeping his tone light. “My god, I almost forgot. Me and James called our parents last night so they could wish me a happy birthday, and my mom started interrogating me about who I was dating since James and Annie were, like, already engaged at my age. Most unserious conversation I’ve had in a while.”

Jaehyun gives him a weary smile. “I hope I’m not keeping you from people your age,” he says.

Mark waves him off. “I’m telling you what I told my mom. I can barely deal with my own shit. Dealing with someone else is off the table.” Jaehyun gives him a weird look. “You don’t count, I don’t have to deal with you. You take care of me.”

Jaehyun’s expression morphs back into a smile, this one markedly less weary. “I certainly try,” he says. He nods at Mark’s nearly empty plate. “Ready to head out?” 

Mark nods. Jaehyun pays, and they gather their things and pick their way through the maze of tables towards the door. Mark slips into the passenger seat and Jaehyun starts the car. There’s a natural ease to it that, even though Mark’s weird tumultuous feelings, he finds comforting. 

“I think we would’ve gotten along,” Mark says. “If we were the same age and met in college.”

Jaehyun turns to smile at him, like really smile, dimples popping handsomely. “I think so, too,” he agrees. 

When they get home, shoes kicked off at the entrance and dogs tended to, Jaehyun turns to Mark. “How are you feeling?” he asks. “Wanna nap?”

Mark gives him a look. “If you’re asking if I’m feeling well enough to fuck you, I think you know the answer.”

Jaehyun laughs and kisses him. Mark melts under his touch. It feels perfect. Everything feels so perfect. He doesn’t know exactly what it is except that it’s Jaehyun. He wraps his arms around Jaehyun’s waist and kisses him, their teeth knocking in his eagerness. 

“You okay?” Jaehyun whispers when they separate.

“Just,” Mark says, but doesn’t know how to continue. How’s he supposed to explain without revealing himself? When it’s clear Jaehyun doesn’t, and won’t, feel the same way? “I know those texts last night were, like, cringey and dumb, but I really did miss you.”

“Well, I’m here now,” Jaehyun says. “C’mon.”

They head up to Jaehyun’s room, where the early afternoon sun is lighting up the space. His sheets are white today, and practically blinding. Jaehyun shuts the door behind them and heads over to the window to lower the blinds a little so they don’t get sun directly in their eyes. Mark watches him, that same terrible tenderness still holding onto his heart. All he can do is keep imagining Jaehyun younger, next to a faceless boyfriend, someone who had Jaehyun, really had him, and lost him anyway. There’s some bitter jealousy there, but also a strange kinship. Mark will join the ranks of Jaehyun’s unknowable past lovers, the way Jaehyun will join Mark’s. One day he’ll be a memory, a ghost that Mark’s future partner might never even find out about. He thinks again of a life he’ll have in that future, one that might look something like this. Lazy Saturday afternoon sex, post-brunch, in a sun-warmed bed.

Except this time in his vision, Mark’s potential future partner has a face. It doesn’t happen on purpose. He doesn’t mean to imagine it this way. But in his head, it’s the younger version of Jaehyun, smiling at him with those dimpled cheeks from across the mattress. His is the body waking up beside Mark’s, working beside him, building a life, slow but sure. One pancake at a time. 

Tears sting behind Mark’s eyes before he realizes what’s happening. Because that can never come true. As much as Mark might want it, Jaehyun’s not going to be able to wait around for him to grow up and finally be ready to settle down. By then, Jaehyun might already be well on his way to his fifties. And that’s if Jaehyun even wants him in the first place, which he doesn’t.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun’s suddenly in front of him, tilting Mark’s face up and searching his eyes.

“Nothing,” Mark manages, blinking rapidly and willing the tears away. “It’s just super bright in here. Hurts my eyes.”

“I can put the blind down all the way,” Jaehyun says, accepting this easily.

Mark shakes his head, leaning into Jaehyun, hooking his chin over Jaehyun’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around his middle. “No, this is perfect,” he says. 

“Okay,” Jaehyun agrees.

They pull each other’s clothes off slow and gentle, pausing to kiss over the freshly exposed skin before continuing. Jaehyun guides them to his bed, and they settle atop the soft duvet. Mark preps him blindly, not wanting to pull away from his mouth. When he finally fucks him, it’s quiet, sweet, sensual. None of their usual roughness and quick, panting breaths. There’s something different underneath, too. Mark’s put it to the test, and he’s still choosing Jaehyun. And Jaehyun, despite all the warning signs, seems to be letting him. Something blooms in Mark’s chest, but something withers, too. He pets Jaehyun’s baby-soft hair and kisses him and tries not to imagine what his life would be if this was every day. 

But even though he knows it’s impossible, some small part of him insists. Why not Jaehyun? If things were different, couldn’t it be him?

But they’re not different, he reminds himself firmly, swallowing one of Jaehyun’s soft moans when he rolls his hips up just right. This is what you have. This is it. It will have to be enough.

“Where’d you go, baby?” Jaehyun whispers. “You seem far away.”

Mark shakes his head, both to refute Jaehyun’s statement and to clear his mind. “I’m right here,” he insists. And he forces it to be true. He focuses on the feeling of Jaehyun’s skin on his, the unsteady pattern of Jaehyun’s breath, the tightening of Jaehyun around him. The sun on his back, warm and comforting.

Jaehyun returns, socked feet falling soft on his hardwoods. “Okay,” he says. “Look.”

Mark turns, eyes widening when they land on the suit Jaehyun’s holding up. It’s a gorgeous dark green with gold buttons; he also has new shoes for him, a rich brown, all expensive-looking. 

“Oh wow,” Mark says. It comes out squeaky. “That’s for me?”

Jaehyun smiles, nodding. “Try it on,” he says, gesturing for Mark to strip. 

Mark tugs off his t-shirt and shorts, accepting the white button down first, then carefully pulling the suit on. It fits perfectly—Jaehyun’s tailor must be good, just going off a bunch of numbers. He buttons it, looking up shyly.

“It’s so comfortable,” he says. “How do I look?”

Jaehyun’s eyes might as well be burning holes in him. “Come see,” he says softly, leading him over to the full-length mirror in the hall. 

And yeah, Mark gets it. He looks… really good. Sometimes in suits he kind of feels like he’s thirteen again, trying on one of James’ hand-me-downs, which his mother insisted he would grow into. But looking in the mirror now, he kind of just looks hot. The jacket makes his shoulders look broad; the pants are snug on his thighs but not tight.

Jaehyun takes his silence for displeasure. “I know you like blue,” he says. “But you can get a blue suit anywhere. I saw this, and thought maybe...”

“No, it’s perfect,” Mark says, shaking his head, pulling himself from his thoughts to find Jaehyun’s eyes. “Really, Jaehyun. I love it.”

“One more thing,” Jaehyun says, placated, reaching into his pocket. “Okay, two more things.”

First comes a set of necklaces, one delicate gold chain and an even slimmer one with pearls connecting. They’re not heavy, which stops it from looking douchey. Mark’s usual jewelry is plain chains if anything, never this pretty, and he tilts his head this way and that, admiring how they soften the look. 

“And this.” Jaehyun produces a gold watch with a white face, clasping it on Mark’s wrist before Mark can even process it. 

“Jaehyun, how much did this cost?” Mark asks nervously, gingerly holding his wrist up. He kind of feels like he’s going to break it if he breathes too hard. 

“Not that much,” Jaehyun says vaguely, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “Don’t worry, Mark. I’m doing it because I want to.” He wraps his arms around Mark’s waist, leaning around him to kiss his cheek. “I like it,” he says softly. “I like seeing you in things I buy for you.”

Heat curls in Mark’s belly; he swallows roughly, watching the way Jaehyun watches him. The thing is, it is hot. There’s a part of Mark that takes deep pleasure in letting Jaehyun drop all this money on him knowing he’ll be pounding him into his mattress later tonight. 

“I like it, too,” he admits quietly, and Jaehyun presses another kiss to his neck before pulling himself away with a soft groan.

“I’m gonna go get changed before I do something stupid,” he says, and Mark laughs, embarrassed but pleased. 

Jaehyun dresses in a plain black suit, and he looks fucking amazing. Mark still thinks he looks best in shorts and a t-shirt (or, realistically, nothing at all), but this is good, too. Instead of saying any of this, Mark just pulls him in for a kiss. Jaehyun seems to understand. 

Mark’s still twenty, so they won’t be drinking, which means Jaehyun will just drive. They take the dogs out before they leave, and then get ready to go. 

In the breath of silence between Mark closing the passenger door and Jaehyun opening the drivers side, Mark realizes he’s kind of nervous. He presses his palms to his shirt under the jacket so he doesn’t leave a sweat spot on the outside. He’s been to formal dinners before, but not like this. Fancy suit or no, he’s still just a kid, and he has a feeling it shows. 

“You okay?” Jaehyun’s voice cuts through his thoughts, and Mark realizes he’s started the car already and Mark still isn’t wearing his seatbelt. 

“Yeah,” Mark says, fumbling to click his seatbelt into place. “I’m just—fancy things kinda make me nervous. It’s not that I don’t want to go—‘cause I do—it’s just…” He presses his lips together, thinking for a moment before continuing. “I don’t want to embarrass you.”

Jaehyun turns the car back off, reaching a hand out to cup Mark’s jaw. He tugs gently, forcing Mark to look at him. “Hey,” he says. “You’re not going to embarrass me. Anytime you don’t know what to do, just ask me. But it’s just dinner, Mark. The worst thing you could do is use the wrong fork, and trust me—everyone else there is far too self-absorbed to notice.”

Mark smiles at this, relaxing. Jaehyun’s right, he’s being silly. “Okay,” he agrees. “I just, y’know. I want it to be perfect.”

Jaehyun smiles back, leaning in for a quick, chaste kiss before releasing him to start up the car again. “It already is,” he says.

The drive is pleasant. It’s golden hour, and the city lights up in the sun, windows flashing as they pass. The restaurant is on the waterfront, where the sea laps peacefully at the rocks. There’s even valet parking; Jaehyun relinquishes his keys before leading them inside.

“Mr. Jeong, hello!” The host greets them with a smile. “Your table’s ready, if you’ll follow me. Will you be needing the wine list tonight?”

“No, thank you,” Jaehyun replies warmly.

Their table is right by the window, overlooking the water and the stretch of city that sits along the coast. They pass couples and families and business partners. Mark was a little worried about being overdressed, but he fits right in. Clearly, Jaehyun knows what he’s doing. Once seated, they’re handed their menus, have their water glasses filled, and then they’re alone. 

“You can get whatever you want,” Jaehyun tells him, opening his own menu. “Don’t look at the price.”

“I’m trying not to,” Mark mumbles, though it’s all he’s thinking about. That it doesn’t matter what Mark wants. Jaehyun will get it for him, not just because he wants to dote on Mark, but because he likes to spend the money on him.

Mark pushes it from his mind before he can get too distracted. He scans down the menu, but if he’s being honest he doesn’t even know what half the words mean. He thinks back to what Jaehyun said in the car. Anytime you don’t know what to do, just ask me. After a moment of deliberation, he looks up. “Jaehyun?”

“Hm?”

“D’you think you could just order for both of us?” Mark asks, running his index finger back and forth over the edge of the menu, nervous. “I just—I have no idea how I’m supposed to choose.”

Jaehyun smiles at him. “Sure,” he says easily. “No allergies, right?”

Mark shakes his head. “I eat pretty much everything,” he says. “But, um,” he adds, taking another glance down at the menu, “I’m not huge on seafood.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, laughing. “You’re in the wrong city, baby,” he says quietly. “Okay, noted.”

Mark politely zones out while Jaehyun mulls over the menu and, when their waiter returns, orders for them. Instead, he looks out over the water. The sun will set during their dinner, and they’ll have a front-row seat to the view. Jaehyun really knows what he’s doing.

“It’s beautiful,” Mark says, nodding at the water, when their waiter leaves. “I bet this place has been here a while. Only way they could’ve gotten this view.”

Jaehyun smiles, nodding. “My parents came to visit, shortly after all the forms had been signed and my company was official,” he says. “I’d only been in the city for a few months, and I had passed by this place quite often. I always wanted to go in, but I just—felt like it needed to be a special occasion, or a reward. So I took my parents here to celebrate.” He tips his head. “I was right, that it’s special. Well, that and the fact that I’m now friends with the owner. Which was totally not on purpose. But fifteen years later, I’m still coming back.”

Fifteen years ago, Mark was, like, five. He doesn’t say this. “Do you still only reserve it for special occasions?” he asks.

“Yes,” Jaehyun says. Mark has to imagine he knows what his next question is, but he doesn’t elaborate, just watches Mark over the table and waits for him to ask. 

“So what’s the occasion?” He leans forward, almost involuntarily.

Jaehyun’s smile grows, his dimples deepening. “You,” he says. “I’m celebrating meeting you.”

Mark was expecting his answer to be something to that effect, but not so direct, not so tender. He blinks. “Oh,” he says softly. “Yeah, I guess that’s a pretty good thing to celebrate. Our meeting.”

“I’m glad you agree.” The words have just left Jaehyun’s mouth when their first course arrives. It’s a creamy, pale green soup served in a giant ice cube that’s been hollowed out to function as a bowl. 

“Chilled avocado soup with our house sourdough,” their waiter announces with a sort of flourish, setting a steaming bread basket down between their bowls. “Can I get you anything else?”

“We’re all set, thank you,” Jaehyun replies for them.

Mark takes a tentative bite and almost moans out loud. “Oh shit,” he whispers, and Jaehyun laughs. 

“Yeah, you can kind of get anything here and it’s guaranteed to be good,” Jaehyun says.

“How’d you get to know the owner again?” Mark asks. “And more specifically, how can I get to know owners of places like this?”

Jaehyun laughs again. “I taught his daughter,” he explains. “It was—god, almost ten years ago now. My business was stable, and I realized with all the marketing talk and business strategy, I hadn’t actually played an instrument in years. So I found a place that was hiring and took on part time work as a children’s music teacher. His daughter was one of my first students. And one day, when my parents were in town, we came here for dinner again. And he was here. And we just got to talking, and now…” Jaehyun gestures around them. “Even though I switched music schools a few years back and I don’t teach her anymore.”

“Your parents,” Mark says, “they must come to visit you often, then?”

“They used to,” Jaehyun says. “I’m their only child, so they didn’t really have anything else to do once I moved out and my grandmother passed. So yes, especially when I was first starting out here. But they’re old now, and Korea is their home. I’m usually the one that does the visiting now.”

“Only child, huh?” Mark scrapes carefully at the bottom of the ice-bowl. “I couldn’t tell—but maybe that’s something you grow out of.”

“Ah, all that selfish only child stuff?” Jaehyun grins when Mark makes a sheepish face. “I dunno, I bet I was like that when I was younger, though I wouldn’t have known it at the time.” He shrugs, setting his spoon down in his empty bowl. “It was nice, in a way. I received a lot of love. But I also received a lot of pressure. I was… my parents’ only chance. And that was kind of lonely. So maybe that balanced me out.”

Mark nods slowly. “Yeah, I can see that,” he says. “My brother and I fought a lot as kids, but we’re the only ones who understand what it was like to grow up the way we did. Which isn’t to say it was bad,” he hurries to add. “My parents are great. It’s just—yeah, I guess it would be lonely without him. No one’s ever gonna know me like he does.” He sets his spoon down too, leaning back in his chair. “And there’s definitely less pressure. Neither of us has to be everything. He’s the family man, and he’s given my parents a grandkid, so I feel more free to chase my career.”

“You said a couple weeks ago you didn’t know what you wanted,” Jaehyun says. “But it sounds like you have things figured out.”

“For now, at least,” Mark says. “Like, my brother got married right out of school. I’m definitely not doing that. I want to live by myself first before I live for somebody else, too. But after that?” He shakes his head. “No clue, man.”

Their waiter returns to swap out their courses—a light, fresh salad that sparkles under the last of the sunlight. Jaehyun keeps looking at Mark, but doesn’t say anything else. 

They mostly chat about small things for the rest of dinner—Jaehyun’s lesson plans, what courses Mark is taking in the fall—working their way through the salad and a gigantic steak, finally finishing with an assortment of tiny pastries for dessert. Mark definitely eats a little more than he should, but he’s not totally uncomfortable by the time Jaehyun asks for the bill. 

“How much was it?” Mark asks tentatively after their waiter takes Jaehyun’s card. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Jaehyun replies, and Mark leaves it at that, though an emerging, perverse part of him wants so badly to know. So he can know how to reward Jaehyun for it. His mouth is going dry; Mark takes a quick gulp of water and busies himself with the button of his jacket. 

Their car is waiting out front when they step outside. The sun has dipped below the horizon, leaving just a kind of orange glow at the far edge of the water. Mark ducks into the quiet of the car, finding the seatbelt without looking and clicking it into place. 

“Ready to go home?” Jaehyun asks as he starts the car. 

“Yeah,” Mark says softly. 

Now that the only thing between Mark and fucking Jaehyun so hard he cries is just a short car ride, and his nerves about dinner are behind him, Mark doesn’t try to hide that he’s staring. He keeps his eyes on Jaehyun as he takes them down city streets, watching his fingers on the wheel, admiring the line of his neck, his shoulders, his waist, made all the more alluring by his perfect suit. 

“What?” Jaehyun asks when they come to a stoplight and he can meet Mark’s eyes. 

“Nothing,” Mark replies with a tiny smirk, knowing he’s being wholly unconvincing and not even caring. The red of the stoplight throws Jaehyun’s face into contrast, the sharp cut of his cheekbones casting shadows. He’ll blow Jaehyun first, Mark decides, blinking at him serenely.

“Yeah, I bet it’s nothing,” Jaehyun says, rolling his eyes and facing the road again as the light turns green. I’ll blow him until he’s close, and then bend him over the couch and fuck him, Mark thinks, grinning to himself. “I bet it’s so much of nothing that I’ll hear all about it as soon as we walk in the door.”

“Maybe,” Mark replies gleefully. “Would that be so bad?”

Jaehyun only grumbles, which makes Mark grin harder. He leans over the console to rest his cheek against Jaehyun’s bicep, looping his arm through his, thumb stroking the fabric of his sleeve. 

They arrive home that way, Mark in Jaehyun’s space and Jaehyun letting him stay there until the car is off. Mark disentangles himself almost reluctantly, pushing the door open and stepping out into the cooling night air. 

“Upstairs or downstairs?” Jaehyun asks, and Mark flushes at the directness, both embarrassed and pleased. 

“Living room,” he replies, and Jaehyun hums as he slips his key into the lock. 

The dogs are waiting for them at the door, and after letting them out, Jaehyun shuttles them into the kitchen with their water dish and puts a baby gate up so they won’t be disturbed. Mark waits for him, offering a hand where he can, quiet and patient, before retreating to the living room.

Jaehyun smiles at him as he approaches. He’s taken his jacket off in the midst of all this, and is in the process of unbuttoning and rolling up his sleeves. “It’s almost a pity,” he says.

“What?” Mark asks. 

“That you’ll have to take it off,” Jaehyun replies. “I chose well, I think. The color suits you.”

Mark realizes he should’ve probably at least taken his own jacket off as well. He unbuttons it slowly. “It’s now my favorite thing I own,” he says, meaning it. “Thank you.”

Jaehyun helps him out of the jacket, folding it carefully before draping it over the back of a chair. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Mark says, grabbing his waist and pulling him close. “Thank you for dinner, too.” He kisses Jaehyun before he can respond, slow and soft. 

“You’re welcome,” Jaehyun says, just above a whisper, when they break apart. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“Mm,” Mark hums, kissing him again. “Let me thank you properly.” He slides his hands from Jaehyun’s waist to the button of his pants. 

Jaehyun stills, letting him unbutton and unzip his pants, letting him tug them, and his underwear, down. Mark pulls them all the way off, coaxing Jaehyun to step out of the fabric so it doesn’t get crushed. He hands the pants up to him, settling on his knees at Jaehyun’s feet.

Jaehyun’s cock hangs soft between his legs. Mark leans in, pressing a flat tongue to its tip and delighting in the way Jaehyun shivers. He anchors one hand on Jaehyun’s thigh, splaying the other over his hip bone, and takes Jaehyun into his mouth. 

It’s easy; it always is. He breathes in deep through his nose and hollows his cheeks and feels Jaehyun harden on his tongue. One of Jaehyun’s hands finds its way to Mark’s hair. 

“Fuck,” he whispers. His eyes are already a little vacant, and if Mark wanted to be nice, he would slow down, let him adjust, let the heat of it take him gradually. But Mark wants Jaehyun weak and fucked out. He wants him to have to lean on Mark on the way up the stairs because his knees are too wobbly. He wants to take care of Jaehyun the way Jaehyun takes care of Mark. And if that means breaking him down first, well. Mark’s happy to do that, too. 

Mark deepthroats him in one go, a smug sort of satisfaction glowing warm in his chest when Jaehyun gasps and curls over himself, the hand in Mark’s hair tightening into a fist. “Mark,” he hisses, but there’s an unsteady waver to his voice. Mark hums back, and Jaehyun shakes. “Oh, fuck, don’t do that,” he complains weakly. “Are you just trying to see how fast you can get me to come?” Mark shakes his head firmly, swallowing around him with another steady breath. “Because this seems like a pretty good way to find out.” Mark hums again, and Jaehyun spasms. “Could’ve at least given me something to hold onto.”

Mark gives another decisive shake of his head. He likes Jaehyun better unmoored. He shifts one of his hands up to Jaehyun’s, the one clutching at his hair. Something to hold onto, right here, he thinks, rubbing circles into his skin with his thumb and hoping Jaehyun understands. He wants to be Jaehyun’s only anchor. 

Jaehyun brings his other hand down to Mark’s hair, shifting them so he’s sort of cradling Mark’s whole head from the base of his skull. Mark arches his back and tries to take Jaehyun deeper, even though his nose is already bumping against Jaehyun’s pubic bone, the head of Jaehyun’s cock already stuffed down his throat. The movement jostles Jaehyun, and he takes half a stagger-step to regain his balance, hiccuping out a moan of surprise. Dark, greedy pleasure unfurls in the pit of Mark’s stomach. He pulls off almost all the way, keeping Jaehyun’s leaking tip in his mouth and swallowing down the mix of saliva and precome that’s threatening to actually choke him, and then takes Jaehyun back in. He moves quickly now, blowing Jaehyun earnestly, gagging wetly and blinking reactionary tears out of his eyes. 

“So good, baby,” Jaehyun pants. The pads of his fingers dig into Mark’s scalp. His chest is heaving, and the faintest sheen of sweat glows on his skin in the low light. Mark lets his eyes flutter shut, listening to the pattern of Jaehyun’s breath, the soft moans. He knows he’ll warn Mark when he’s close, because he’s so polite, because he’d never come down Mark’s throat without asking first. “Like that, keep going.” Mark draws in another long, deep inhale. He’s bobbing his head so fast he almost feels like he’s not moving at all. “F-fuck, yeah, close,” Jaehyun stutters. Just a little longer, Mark thinks. You’re so easy, hyung. "Mark—gonna—”

Mark pulls off suddenly, hands flying up to Jaehyun’s wrists just in case. Jaehyun trembles, hips twitching, body tense, but Mark is good at what he does, and after a moment Jaehyun relaxes again, cock still red and hard.

Mark releases him, pushing himself to his feet and giving Jaehyun a kiss, which he barely reciprocates. “Hate me?” he asks. 

“No,” Jaehyun mumbles. His eyes are so dark. “Not if you fuck me.”

Mark smiles, offers him another kiss. He returns this one. “Let me go grab some lube,” he says. “Take your shirt off.”

Mark dashes upstairs, trying to ignore how tight his pants have gotten. He snags the lube, forgoing a condom since both of them found time to get tested last week, and hurries back down to the living room. 

Jaehyun is where he left him, now completely naked, shirt lying with the rest of their clothes. Eyes still dark. Mark pockets the lube so he can hold Jaehyun with both hands, getting up in his space so he can kiss him—his lips, his jaw, his neck. He crowds Jaehyun back against the arm of the couch, scraping his teeth over Jaehyun’s perfect collarbones. 

“Mark,” Jaehyun breathes, and Mark preens. No one’s said his name like that, not ever. 

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad would it be if I got come on these pants?” Mark asks softly.

“M-maybe like a five?” Jaehyun sounds wary, but he answers anyway. “My dry cleaner doesn’t ask questions. Why?”

“You said you didn’t want me to take them off,” Mark says, rolling his hips so his bulge rubs up against Jaehyun’s exposed cock to help make his point. Jaehyun moans quietly. “I can still fuck you. You bought them for me to wear, right?”

“Not fair,” Jaehyun complains. “I want to see you.”

“You can see me any old time,” Mark says. Another kiss; Jaehyun tries to keep kissing him, but Mark pulls away, intent on carrying out his plan. “Besides, you won’t be able to see me either way.” He steps back so he can spin Jaehyun around. 

“It’s embarrassing,” Jaehyun tries, but he doesn’t sound very convincing, and he goes pliantly, bending over the arm of the couch without even a touch from Mark.

“Why?” Mark asks, pulling the lube out and squeezing a drop onto his finger. He lays a line of kisses down Jaehyun’s spine as he spreads the lube over his finger. “Buy me a pretty suit, hyung,” he murmurs, reaching down with his slick finger to play with Jaehyun’s entrance. “Pay for my dinner, hyung.” He pushes his finger in, watching tremors go through Jaehyun’s body. “Get naked for me, hyung,” he continues, sinking his finger in deeper. “Bend over the couch and let me fuck you, hyung.” Jaehyun lets out a pretty little whine at that, and Mark drinks it in, pleased. “No? I thought you liked it.”

“I do,” Jaehyun says, his voice raw. Mark works his finger in and out, slow. “That’s why it’s embarrassing.”

“But you like that, too.” Even in the dim light, Mark can see the faint pink flush creeping its way across Jaehyun’s skin. His cock twitches in his pants.

“Yes,” Jaehyun whispers, and Mark groans softly, working his finger faster, stamping reverent kisses on Jaehyun’s beautiful back.

“I didn’t really get it at first,” he says quietly. “I’m used to working for everything I receive. But I’m getting it, now. Were you thinking of it when you bought my suit? You never demand it, but you knew I’ll fuck you when we got home, to say thank you. Or—” Mark adds a second finger. “—maybe, that you paying for stuff like that, it’s you thanking me? For this?” He curls his fingers; Jaehyun chokes out a moan. “And it feels like a dirty secret, because no one around us knows? Were you thinking about it when you watched me eat? When you paid?” He curls his fingers again, this time finding Jaehyun’s prostate, and Jaehyun sobs drily. “Because I was,” Mark confesses.

“Fuck, Mark,” Jaehyun mumbles, shifting his hips back to meet Mark’s fingers.

“I was,” Mark insists. He gives Jaehyun what he wants, pushing his fingers in deeper, thrusting faster. “I was thinking about this.”

“Hurry up,” Jaehyun huffs. “Or I’m gonna come, and you’ll have to fuck my thighs or something instead.”

“You say that like I wouldn’t like it,” Mark mutters, earning himself a sigh of defeat. Jaehyun does a have a point, though—Mark wanted to fuck him properly, and anyway, this is supposed to be a show of gratitude, so he adds a third finger.

It’s hardly a stretch, and soon he’s moving with ease. Jaehyun’s thighs are shaking, but Mark doesn’t give him any kind of reprieve, purposefully dragging his fingers slow over his prostate.

Eventually, though, Mark’s own desires win out, and he pulls his fingers out so he can unzip his pants. He shimmies both his pants and underwear down just far enough that his cock pops free, then retrieves the lube, giving his cock a few lazy strokes to spread it before lining himself up with Jaehyun’s entrance. 

The first push in is always as mind-numbingly good as the very first time they fucked. Mark takes a long, slow breath as he presses in deeper, fingers bruising at Jaehyun’s hips. Jaehyun lets his head loll forward, curled over the arm of the couch with his back arched. Mark wants to fold his whole body over him, except it would be harder to fuck him like that, so he focuses on bottoming out instead.

He takes a minute there, just breathing, letting Jaehyun relax a little around him. He gets his fingers to unlock so he’s not crushing Jaehyun’s waist. 

“You gonna fuck me or what?” Jaehyun asks breathlessly. 

“Was trying to be nice,” Mark replies, drawing his hips back real slow, taking a couple shallow thrusts to make sure he won’t tear Jaehyun open. When he meets no resistance, he adjusts his grip on Jaehyun and thrusts into him fast and rough, setting a brutal pace. The sound of skin against skin fills the room, joined by Jaehyun’s soft moans, growing louder when Mark doesn’t let up.

“Baby,” Jaehyun gasps weakly. “Please.”

“I’m fucking you like you asked,” Mark says placidly, grinning when he sees the muscles in Jaehyun’s back get all tense. “What, want me to stop?”

Jaehyun moans out a no, his fingers slipping against the leather of the couch. Mark gives him an extra-hard thrust just to drive his point home, and one of Jaehyun’s knees buckles from the force of it. 

Mark reaches around Jaehyun’s thigh so he can touch him, taking his leaking cock in his fist and stroking slow and even, such a contrast to the pumping of his hips. He wants him to come, but not too fast. Jaehyun tries to fuck up into Mark’s palm, but he’s trapped in Mark’s hold, powerless.

Jaehyun’s been reduced to nonsensical moans, shapeless sounds that slip under Mark’s skin and bring heat to the surface. Sweat beads on his hairline, but he can’t slow down. He wants to see Jaehyun come like this, and that desire takes over even his own exhaustion. 

Jaehyun raises his head, peering over his shoulder at Mark with tears sparkling in his eyes. “Pretty, hyung,” Mark pants softly. “You’re so pretty.” The tears spill over, darken Jaehyun’s lashes and make them stick together before trailing down his pink cheeks. “Wanna come?” Jaehyun nods wordlessly, and Mark speeds up his hand to match his hips. “So tight around me, I know you’re close.”

Jaehyun screws his eyes shut, squeezing more tears out. His body jerks beneath Mark, and then he’s spilling over Mark’s knuckles with a soft cry, some of his come spurting out to hit the side of the couch, the rest dripping onto the hardwoods between his feet. 

Mark releases him, slowing his hips now, heartbeat pounding in his ears. He curves his back, bending down so he can rest his forehead against Jaehyun’s spine. 

“Baby,” Jaehyun slurs. Mark hums back, grinding into him slow and deep and filthy. “Fuck, you’re so good.”

Mark whines in the back of his throat, breath hot on Jaehyun’s skin as he tries to kiss him between inhales. Now that Jaehyun’s taken care of, his own needs come to the fore, and he realizes he’s painfully hard. Everything feels different without the condom in the way, new and wet and warm. Mark shakes, grip on Jaehyun’s waist tightening again as he circles his hips, feeling the coil of pleasure in his stomach grow taut. 

“Can I—inside?” he grits out.

“Yes,” Jaehyun breathes. He sounds dreamy. “Come for me, baby boy. Waited so long to feel you, for you to really fill me.”

Mark groans helplessly, hips spasming on their own. He gives a few staccato, aborted half-thrusts, and then finally he comes, spilling into Jaehyun, the heat of it almost overwhelming. Jaehyun moans with him, sweet and encouraging, clenching down to help drag out every last drop. 

“Oh, god,” Mark mumbles into Jaehyun’s skin, stilling at last.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun huffs. “I can’t feel my legs.”

Mark grins, kissing his spine once before reluctantly pushing away. “Good,” he says. “I worked really hard, I’d be offended if you could just walk away from it.”

“No walking here,” Jaehyun says, and Mark laughs. He pulls out, watching his come drip out of Jaehyun’s hole and down his legs. He smears some of it into his skin with the pads of his fingers, then scoops it up and pushes it back in, making Jaehyun’s whole body jolt. “Stop that,” he complains weakly. 

“You’re making a mess,” Mark says, almost snide, but he stops, instead pulling Jaehyun up and turning him back around. His tears are drying on his cheeks; Mark swipes them away with his thumbs. “You’re such a pretty crier, it’s not fair.”

“Is that why you make me do it so much?” Jaehyun asks. Mark lets out a mischievous breath of laughter. “I should get uglier, then.”

“I don’t think you could ever get ugly enough that I wouldn’t want you,” Mark says without thinking, and then leans in to kiss Jaehyun so he doesn’t have to consider what that means. He presses close, kissing him slow and deep, until his own brain feels fuzzy enough that he can pull away. 

“I can feel your come dripping out of me,” Jaehyun says, sounding almost apologetic, when they part.

Mark groans softly, letting his hands drop to his sides. “Let me get something to clean up,” he says, turning to walk down the hall. 

He returns from the half-bath with a couple of damp paper towels so they can get the come off the couch before it stains. Jaehyun cleans himself sluggishly while Mark works on the floor and gathers their clothes. 

“Should I take the gate down, for the dogs?” Mark asks, looping his free arm through Jaehyun’s.

“Nah,” Jaehyun mumbles. “They’ll be fine ‘til morning. And then they won’t wake us up, scratching at the door.”

They make their slow way upstairs. Mark deposits their clothes on the chair next to the hamper, finally pulling the rest of his outfit off as well, before joining Jaehyun in the bathroom.

“You really do like it? When I spend money on you?” Jaehyun looks at him out of the corner of his eyes, like he’s afraid of what Mark’s answer might be. “You’re not just—saying so, or putting up with it, just because you know it’s—it’s something that turns me on?”

Mark knocks his forehead against Jaehyun’s shoulder. “Yeah, I really do like it,” he says quietly. “I was uncomfortable at first because—I hate just taking things. But I’m not just taking. I know it does something for you. And it does for me. Maybe it’s like a fuckin’ Pavlovian response or something, but now every time you buy me something, I’m just gonna think about fucking you.” Jaehyun snorts, nearly dislodging Mark. “It’s basically just, like, really expensive foreplay, but I mean—I’m not complaining.”

“Oh, god, that’s the worst way you could put it,” Jaehyun groans, but he’s laughing.

“C’mon,” Mark says, reaching for their toothbrushes and handing Jaehyun his. “Let’s hurry up and go to bed.”

///

The next morning, Mark wakes in muffled darkness to find Jaehyun propped up on an elbow, looking at him. 

“You have bad survival instincts,” he says quietly. “I was staring at you for a while.”

“How was I supposed t’ know?” Mark grumbles, shifting closer to him. “I was asleep.”

“Aren’t we evolved to sense when we’re being watched?” Jaehyun wraps an arm around him, pulling him into his chest. 

“By predators,” Mark argues, muffled against Jaehyun’s neck. “You’re not a predator. Maybe my subconscious just knows I’m safe with you.”

“Not a predator,” Jaehyun repeats slowly. “I think some people would disagree.”

Mark blinks. “Why, because of—your age? And mine?”

“Mm.”

Mark nuzzles into him, nose over his pulse point. “Some people don’t know what they’re talking about,” he says. He kisses him, gentle.

Jaehyun strokes Mark’s hair, combing through the knots built up in sleep. “Mm, maybe,” he concedes.

“Do you feel… like a predator?” Mark asks carefully. “When you’re with me?”

“Sometimes,” Jaehyun admits. “Not usually. Not now.”

“What do you feel like now, then?”

“Now?” The rumble of Jaehyun’s voice fills Mark’s head, soothing. “I feel happy,” he says simply. “Which I guess is all that matters. I’m happier when I wake up next to you.”

He rolls his head to the side, looking at Jaehyun. He’s on his back, one arm flung out to the side, hand dangling off the edge of the bed, the other arm wrapped loosely around his own torso. Even in a worn cotton t-shirt, mouth slightly ajar and snoring softly, he’s still the prettiest person Mark has ever seen.

Anxiety rears in Mark’s stomach, and he goes patting around for his phone. He finds it on the nightstand, and he unplugs it and checks his notifications. Nothing, just like there should be. Who’s gonna find out, anyway? And why would it matter? It’s not like anyone at work has any idea about (or any interest in) Mark’s personal life. And his family doesn’t track his location. And Johnny can’t say anything to Mark now that he’s scored, so what’s to worry about?

It’s fine, he tells himself firmly, putting his phone down and rolling onto his side. I’m an adult, anyway. I can fuck who I want.

He doesn’t quite know how long he spends gazing at Jaehyun, thinking about the night before. He hopes Jaehyun’s up for round two (or three, or four) today, hopes he won’t have to face his real life until later in the afternoon. He likes the little bubble they’re in, just him and Jaehyun and Jaehyun’s dogs and his pretty house and everything that Mark wants to try.

The sun finds a crack in the curtains and a beam of light dances across the bed sheets. Jaehyun draws in a deep breath and Mark snaps his eyes shut so he’s not caught staring.

There’s some rustling and a dip in the mattress, and then Mark feels Jaehyun’s hand on his cheek.

“I know you’re awake,” he says softly. 

“How?” Mark mumbles, firmly refusing to open his eyes.

“Your eyes keep trying to open,” Jaehyun replies.

Mark relents, blinking his eyes back open and giving Jaehyun a sheepish grin. “I’ve been awake for a little while.” God, he’s pretty, he thinks to himself. He stretches his arms up, sighing, using it as an excuse to drape them over Jaehyun’s shoulders on the way back down. “G’morning.”

“Morning,” Jaehyun replies quietly. “Doing okay?”

Mark resists the urge to roll his eyes. “If I was gonna freak out, it would’ve happened last night,” he says. “Yeah, I’m good. I don’t regret it.” He leans closer. “Don’t regret it at all.” Jaehyun’s leaning in, too; their noses bump but neither of them move to kiss. “Do you?”

Jaehyun gives a slight shake of his head. “As long as you don’t, no,” he says. 

“Yeah?” Mark whispers. “Good.” He finally presses his lips to Jaehyun’s, soft and chaste at first, then more insistent when Jaehyun kisses him back.

“Mm, Mark,” Jaehyun hums between kisses. 

Mark pulls himself closer, keeping his movements lax and slow. He wants to climb on top of Jaehyun and pin him down and kiss him until they’re breathless and messy with spit, but he’s too tired to actually do it. It does register as a little funny that the desire is still there, though—Mark kind of thought maybe he’d be a little less insane about Jaehyun once he’d fucked him, but he’s not finding that to be true. Actually, it’s the exact opposite. He pushes his tongue past Jaehyun’s teeth, moaning mostly for show, sneaking his left arm around his waist instead, splaying his fingers over his spine. He can feel the heat of Jaehyun’s body now where it’s touching his, his soft thighs against Mark’s, his—

“Hyung,” Mark laughs softly when they break apart, rolling his hips up to meet Jaehyun’s just so there’s no way he can deny it. “You’re hard.”

“So’re you,” Jaehyun accuses, which is completely fair. “Guess we should do something about that.”

“Guess we should.” Mark kisses him again, working to disentangle their limbs somewhat. He kisses Jaehyun’s chin, his neck, his collarbone as he scoots himself down. “Lemme suck you off?” he asks, though he’s pretty sure he knows Jaehyun will say yes. “You won’t have to do anything.” His fingers are already on the waistband of Jaehyun’s underwear, but Jaehyun is nodding anyway. Mark pushes Jaehyun’s shirt up and kisses his stomach before tugging his underwear down just far enough for his cock to spring free. 

He wasn’t just saying shit yesterday—Mark’s good at sucking cock and he knows it. He dips his head, swirling his tongue around Jaehyun’s tip and smiling to himself when Jaehyun gasps quietly. He anchors himself to Jaehyun with a hand on his hip, dropping his mouth open wider to take him deeper, reaching his other hand down to palm himself over his underwear. The heat quickly grows stifling, with Mark pressed so close to Jaehyun and halfway under the blankets, but he doesn’t care. 

Jaehyun tangles his fingers in Mark’s hair; Mark thinks he’s using both hands. Mark hollows his cheeks, humming in the back of his throat when Jaehyun chokes out a quiet moan. He swipes his tongue slowly, running it side to side over the veins of Jaehyun’s cock. A sort of light static fills his head. He can smell Jaehyun, the earthy dampness of his skin; can taste him, the precome spilling out onto his tongue. Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun. Everything else Mark knows is crowded out until only Jaehyun remains. He rolls his hips up into his palm, his heart pounding in his ears as he bobs his head. The obscene wet noises are only somewhat muffled by the duvet crumpled around Jaehyun’s hips.

It feels quiet to Mark’s ears. The house is still, the air sort of soft and sleepy, like the world is only just waking up, slow and lazy. There’s a sort of serenity to it, even if what they’re doing is messy and lewd. Mark breathes in, out, pressing his heel down against his own cock and feels wetness seeping through the fabric. The rush of his breath lulls him; he moans softly around Jaehyun. Who cares if it’s messy and lewd? Who cares about any of it, except that Mark is happy, warm with pleasure, and that Jaehyun is too? 

“Oh, fuck,” Jaehyun breathes, grip on Mark’s hair tightening and making his scalp burn. “Feels so good, baby.” Mark only responds by moving faster, taking Jaehyun a little deeper each time. He relaxes around the intrusion, taking a few deep, steadying breaths through his nose as he goes. His gag reflex rears its head for a few frightening moments, and then he feels the tip of Jaehyun’s cock bump against the back of his throat.

Mark lets his eyes roll back in his head, dutifully hollowing his cheeks once more and holding Jaehyun there. He exhales sharp, short puffs through his nose; Jaehyun’s pubes are tickling him a little, but not enough that he thinks he’s in danger of sneezing. 

“Holy shit, Mark,” Jaehyun mumbles when Mark still doesn’t move. “You sure you’re not gonna pass out?” Mark pauses briefly to give a minuscule shake of his head. “F-fuck, okay,” Jaehyun continues shakily. “I-I’m getting close, I think, can—can you swallow?” Mark nods as enthusiastically as he can, accidentally picking up the pace a little in the process. “Okay, if you need to pull off just tap my thigh or something, okay?”

Mark hums his agreement, but he doubts he’ll need it. He knows what he’s doing. He keeps the same rhythm, timing his breaths as best he can, rocking his hips up into his palm mindlessly, so focused on Jaehyun he’s barely realized how close he is himself. It shouldn’t be surprising, really—Jaehyun’s making sweet noises above him, whining softly every time Mark takes him as far down as he’ll go. Mark knows his throat is going to be sore, but it’s so, so worth it, especially now, as Jaehyun’s moans get louder and louder, as he releases Mark’s hair to scrabble weakly at the sheets. 

“Fuck, oh fuck, Mark, so good, I—“ He cuts himself off with a soft cry, and Mark feels hot, sticky release hit the roof of his mouth. Mark swallows just like he said he would, slowing to a stop and rolling his tongue over Jaehyun’s tip instead to stop his come from shooting straight down his throat. 

It’s the combination of things, of the rough friction of his underwear and the weight of Jaehyun’s cock in his mouth and Jaehyun’s breathless moans and Jaehyun’s come on his tongue and Jaehyun’s scent in his head—Mark can’t help it. He gives a muffled groan, shuddering as he comes in his underwear. It’s fucking gross and kind of embarrassing, but Mark can’t find room for shame inside him when it feels so good.

“Baby,” Jaehyun gasps softly, coaxing his softening cock out of Mark’s mouth. “Did you just come, too?”

Mark rolls onto his back, panting, pushing the blankets down so he can breathe, hand still over his cock so he doesn’t stain Jaehyun’s sheets. “Sorry,” he manages. “I was already so close, and you sounded so good, I couldn’t—stop myself.”

Jaehyun scoots closer, propping himself up on one elbow so Mark can see him. He’s wearing a look of amused disbelief. “You don’t have to apologize to me,” he mutters, shaking his head. He reaches out with his other hand and brushes Mark’s sweaty bangs off his forehead. Mark has to trap an embarrassing whimper in his throat. Jaehyun treats him so gently when he’s least expecting it, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. “That’s really hot, you know?” Jaehyun continues. “You, getting off on giving me head.” The end of this last sentence is tinged bright with suppressed laughter, and Mark smiles up at him. 

“I like the way you sound when I’m touching you,” he replies softly, and Jaehyun groans, rolling away.

“I don’t have another round in me, so don’t try, because it’ll probably kill me,” he complains, and Mark laughs with his whole belly. “I don’t have stamina like you do.”

“Yeah, and then I’d go to jail for elder abuse,” Mark replies placidly, closing his eyes.

“Shut up,” Jaehyun says, but he’s laughing, too. The bed dips and then releases again, and Mark hears shuffling. Jaehyun must’ve stood up.

“You’re the one who was just saying how old and tired you are,” Mark points out. There’s a hand on his wrist; he snaps his eyes open, surprised.

“C’mon, let’s get up.” Jaehyun has already made it around to Mark’s side of the bed. He tugs gently. “Up, and give me your underwear.”

Mark pushes the blankets out of the way, letting Jaehyun haul him into a sitting position. He raises an eyebrow at him. “Thought you said you didn’t have another round in you,” he says, swinging his legs over the side of the mattress and slips down onto the floor.

“Not for that, so we can throw them in the wash and have them dry before you need to leave,” Jaehyun says, that cute pink blush rising to his cheeks, though he’s adamantly holding his hand out for them all the same. 

Mark grins to himself as he steps out of his underwear. “Let me hand-wash them in the shower first,” he says.

They get cleaned up, find Mark some sweatpants to wear in the meantime, and start the laundry like Jaehyun suggested. Jaehyun lets the dogs out briefly while Mark watches from the back stoop, grinning at Princess when she takes off, running in circles as Jaehyun picks up after them. Dogs taken care of, they all come back inside and head into the kitchen to see about breakfast. 

“As I said, I’m not much of a cook,” Jaehyun says as he rummages through his cupboards, “but I do have pancake mix and I don’t think the berries I bought on Friday have molded yet, so we could do that.”

Mark huffs out a breath of laughter. “Works for me,” he says, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around Jaehyun and squeeze his breath out. Mark always knew Jaehyun was hot, but he wasn’t expecting him to be cute, too, unintentionally endearing in the most paralyzing way. “Can I help? I mean, I dunno if you should trust me around a stove, honestly, but I could make us coffee or something.”

Jaehyun chuckles at this as he plops the bag of pancake mix onto the counter. “Sure,” he agrees. “Coffee is in that little pantry there, coffee maker just needs some water. Do you want something else, though?”

“I take a little coffee sometimes,” Mark says. “But if you have juice, I’ll have that too.”

“Orange juice is in the fridge,” Jaehyun says, and Mark nods, busying himself with the coffee machine.

They fall into a comfortable silence. The morning light streams in through the big windows that face out to Jaehyun’s backyard, coloring the whole kitchen a bright, happy yellow. Princess sniffs around their feet, hopeful for crumbs, while The Dread Pirate Roberts munches away at their automatic feeder. The coffee maker burbles softly as Mark pokes around for mugs and creamer; on the other side of the kitchen, Jaehyun scrapes patiently at the pancake mix, folding it into the milk and egg mixture as he waits for the pan to heat. 

And for one second, Mark’s life feels still, full and quiet and warm. Obviously, he and Jaehyun are just fucking. They know that. And it’s not like Mark is in any danger of falling in love with him or anything, but—this is nice. It’s like a glimpse into his own future. Not now, not yet; he’s not ready. But someday, he’ll have this: a familiar body next to his, working beside him, building a life slow but sure, one pancake at a time. Something separate from the gogogo of professional life, something rich and intangible, something for no one else but Mark and the person he’ll love. 

“Do you want sugar in yours?” Mark asks when the light on the coffee maker turns green, pulling himself out of his thoughts. 

“Just a little, and a splash of creamer, please,” Jaehyun replies over his shoulder. 

Mark makes their coffees, filing that information away for future reference. He gives himself a tiny mug, then carries them over to the little breakfast nook in the corner before doubling back to get a glass of orange juice, too. He spots the blueberries as he’s returning the carton and holds them up for Jaehyun to see. 

“These berries?” Jaehyun nods. “I’ll wash them.”

Together, they finish making breakfast and setting the table, then get settled in their seats, passing the syrup and whipped cream back and forth. The dogs come trotting up; Mark giggles when he feels Princess’s cold nose against his ankle. 

“Thank you for the coffee,” Jaehyun says.

Mark shakes his head. “No, thanks for cooking! These look really good.”

Jaehyun smiles into his coffee cup. “So,” he says slowly. “What’s the plan for today, do you think?”

“Oh,” Mark says, surprised it’s up to him. “I dunno. I don’t have anything to do, so, uh, you tell me.”

Jaehyun’s smile grows. “Well, the dogs need walking,” he says. “But other than that, I thought maybe we could just spend the day. Cool off in the pool, maybe. Get to know each other a little better.” Mark raises his eyebrows. “Literally, not like that.” Mark gives him another look. “Okay, maybe both. But seriously.  I know this—” Jaehyun gestures between them. “—is pretty casual, but I don’t want that to mean it’s impersonal.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Mark says earnestly. “I’d like—I’d like to know you, too.” He doesn’t know why it’s embarrassing to say, but he trips over the words. 

But Jaehyun—sweet, unassuming Jaehyun—just keeps smiling. “Good,” he says softly, and takes a bite of his pancakes. 

They finish their breakfast, leaving the dishes in the sink to soak, and then Jaehyun finds the leashes for the dogs. He hands Mark Princess’s. 

“She’s easier than Bobby,” he explains when Mark gives him a curious look. “She has a lot of energy, but she knows how to heel. Bob… kind of has a mind of his own.”

Mark laughs as he shoves his feet into his sneakers. “I suppose I could’ve guessed that.”

It’s not even noon, but the hot air sweeps into Mark’s face in a violent blast the second Jaehyun opens the door. “Definitely using the pool today,” Jaehyun comments, putting his sunglasses on as he steps outside. “Seattle never used to get this warm.”

“So I’ve heard,” Mark replies, following him outside and stepping out of the way so Jaehyun can lock the door behind them. “But weren’t summers really rainy?”

“They still are,” Jaehyun says. He leads them down the front path and out onto the sidewalk. “It’s a fun mix now. Let’s just hope August doesn’t bring too many fires. Is this your first summer here?”

“Uh, yeah,” Mark says. “I just go to school here. The last couple years I was back—up in Canada. Vancouver.”

Jaehyun nods. “That explains the passport.”

Mark had forgotten about that. “Yeah, I’ll probably have to carry it with me even if I do get a license ‘cause apparently a Canadian license is really popular for fakes around here.”

“I’d never heard that, but that makes sense now that you mention it,” Jaehyun comments. “So, Vancouver. I went once when I was younger. It’s really nice up there.”

“Yeah,” Mark agrees. “I actually—so, I was born in Toronto, and then we moved to New York when I was, like, seven, and then over to Vancouver when I was around twelve. I don’t have the clearest memory of Toronto, but I still really do like Vancouver the best.”

“Oh, okay,” Jaehyun says. “So you’ve been all over. Like me.”

“Yeah?” Mark looks up at him, curious. 

“Mm-hm.” Jaehyun nods. “I was born in Korea, then we actually moved to Connecticut when I was in elementary school, which is where I learned my English. We went back to Korea for the rest of my education, including college, but I came back to the States for my masters—New York, actually.” 

Mark tries to do some fast math, but concludes they probably weren’t in New York at the same time. “And then—here?” he asks. 

“Yeah, people are big on the environment out here, so I found some investors and got started on my company after getting my degree,” Jaehyun says. “I was, what, twenty-four? Twenty-five, I think.” 

“Oh wow,” Mark says, wiping some sweat from his hairline. If it weren’t for the intermittent shade of the trees lining the street and the promise of an afternoon soaking in Jaehyun’s pool, he’s pretty sure he’d melt into a puddle right here on the sidewalk. He kind of feels like he’s frying. “So you’ve been here for a while, then.”

“Yep,” Jaehyun confirms. “Almost twenty years.”

“So you like it here,” Mark says. 

Jaehyun laughs. “I guess I do,” he says. “I think when I get older, I might want to go back—to Korea. But yes, I like it here. The seasons are pretty mild—well, they used to be, anyway. And the culture is definitely better than on the East Coast, to me. And I love how green it is.”

Mark nods. “Yeah, it’s beautiful,” he agrees. “Have you been out to, like, the Peninsula and the islands and stuff?”

“I go from time to time,” Jaehyun says. “Have you?”

“Yeah, I went out to, like, Forks and stuff for spring break this last year.” They round another block, and Mark can see Jaehyun’s house come into view again. Relief washes through his body. He knows he’s not the only one; he can hear Princess panting raggedly beside him. “It was so pretty. I loved the rainforest. And the night sky—way less light pollution, you know.”

“Yeah, there’s nothing else like it,” Jaehyun says. He slows as they come up to his front walk, though The Dread Pirate Roberts tugs insistently on his leash. “Well, maybe we can find a time to go this summer if you have a weekend free,” he suggests, glancing briefly over his shoulder while they climb the stairs up his porch. “There are these beautiful cabins I really like up by Lake Quinault.”

Mark tries not to get distracted by the thought of spending a whole weekend alone with Jaehyun in an idyllic lakeside cabin. “I-I’d love that,” he says. “Really.”

“I’ll do some research then,” Jaehyun replies, opening his door and letting them into the blessed cool of the air conditioning. 

“Fuck,” Mark groans, kicking off his shoes and bending to help Princess out of her harness. “It’s scorching out.”

“Well,” Jaehyun says, releasing The Dread Pirate Roberts and letting him scamper down the hall, “it’s about noon now, so we can wait out the worst of the heat inside, and then later when the sun’s not so bad, we can take a swim. I can lend you some swim trunks. I have beer if you want it.”

“That’s illegal,” Mark points out, grinning. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

“And I think I have popsicles, too,” Jaehyun adds, padding off towards the kitchen and gesturing for Mark to follow. “Want one?”

“Yes, please,” Mark says. “What kind?”

“Lime or strawberry.” Jaehyun’s voice is muffled from behind the freezer door. 

“I’ll take lime,” Mark says, and Jaehyun presents him with a faintly green popsicle, a bright red one in his other hand. 

They collapse onto the couch in tired silence, working on their popsicles as they wait to cool down. Mark squints out at the backyard. The sun glitters off the surface of the water, almost dangerous. 

“What do you normally do on the weekend?” Mark blurts. 

Jaehyun takes a moment to respond, caught by surprise. “I guess… I take care of my dogs. I work out. I usually have some business to take care of. I was on a lot of calls yesterday morning, but—” He pulls out his phone to check. “—today’s been pretty quiet.” He shrugs, swirling the popsicle in his mouth. Mark tries not to look at his lips. “I don’t know,” he says, looking up at Mark with a small smile. “I guess I don’t do much.”

“Do you mind me asking—I mean, okay, I am asking but if you don’t wanna talk about it, I’ll just drop it,” Mark says haltingly. “It’s just that, you’re successful and you’re rich and you’re—you’re really handsome, and you seem, I guess, like, normal and nice—” Jaehyun’s giving him a look that says get on with it. Mark hesitates for a second, choking on the question, then rushes on.  “So why aren’t you married? Or dating? Why are—why the sugar baby app instead?”

Jaehyun blinks; his smile turns a little sad. Guilt grips Mark’s heart immediately. “S-sorry,” he mutters, looking down at his lap. “That came out ruder than I meant it. I just—” You’re beautiful. You’re perfect. You could have anyone. What are you doing with a kid like me? 

Jaehyun sighs softly, shaking his head. “No, it’s okay,” he says. “Looking for skeletons in my closet?” 

“I… I guess,” Mark replies. “I just don’t… understand.”

“There’s not much to understand,” Jaehyun says. “It’s a cliche, but it’s true. I’m married to my work. I’m too busy for a real relationship. And—” A wry tint mixes in with the sadness. “I think I’ve gotten a little too used to solitude. I don’t know how to do anything else.”

“Oh.” It’s sadder than Mark was expecting, but—what else could he have been expecting, anyway? “Do you… do you want a real relationship?”

“I don’t know,” Jaehyun says evenly, but Mark gets the feeling he’s lying. He can’t tell which direction he’s lying in, though. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh,” Mark says, his cheeks heating. Maybe it sounds like he’s trying to—get with him, or something. “No, I’m just curious, ‘cause I don’t—I don’t really know what I want, either, I guess. I think I want to get married eventually. But I’m not sure. I can’t imagine it.”

The warmth in Jaehyun’s smile comes back. “What do you imagine?” he asks. 

Mark thinks for a moment, then smiles sheepishly back at him. “I guess I imagine myself kind of like you,” he admits. “A good job. A couple of dogs. A place of my own. Yeah.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Well, it’s not so bad,” he says. “If that’s what you want, then do it. And you’re young still. If you want to change your mind in a few years, you can.”

“That’s true,” Mark says, struggling with the last of his popsicle as it threatens to slip off the stick entirely. 

Jaehyun’s polishing his off, too. “Here,” he says, holding out his hand for Mark’s stick when he finally succeeds in fitting the rest of the popsicle in his mouth. “I want a beer. Can I get you one?”

Mark nods, handing off the popsicle stick. “Yef plea,” he manages, and Jaehyun giggles. 

They nurse their beers over the next hour or so, chatting. The dogs come join them, Princess panting happily at Mark’s side as he gives her head scratches, Bobby taking over Jaehyun’s lap. Jaehyun talks about his company, how it started with pianos and violins and guitars but how he’s interested in expanding to woodwinds and things. Mark tells him about his internship, how he dreams of being a writer but more likely will end up an editor at a publishing company or something. 

“Dunno what I’ll do with my music,” he says. “Got any openings at your company?” He’s only half joking. 

Jaehyun laughs lightly but shakes his head. “Now that would be inappropriate,” he says, and Mark groans good-naturedly.

“C’mon, man,” he complains, grinning. 

“Okay, looks like the temperature is starting to come down,” Jaehyun says, standing up and carefully depositing Bobby on the floor. “Shall we?”

“Oh, yes.” Mark takes the final swig of his beer and stands, too, giving Princess one last pat before following Jaehyun to the stairs. In all their talking, he’d forgotten about the pool and the heat outside.

Jaehyun’s already in his room by the time Mark makes it up the stairs. He’s rummaging through his dresser, and produces two pairs of swim trunks a few moments later. “Blue or black?”

“Blue,” Mark says, reaching out for them. 

They change quickly, leaving their other clothes on the floor. Mark takes his gaze over Jaehyun’s bare back, the contours of sturdy muscle, the line of his waist. Desire returns in an instant, curling up in Mark’s belly like a little cat. It blinks lazily at him, asks, well? What else are you here for?

“I know I have sunblock somewhere,” Jaehyun is muttering, poking his head into the bathroom. “Aha.” He returns with a can of the spray-on kind in one hand and a bottle of gentler lotion for their faces in the other. “Let’s go downstairs.”

“‘Kay,” Mark agrees vacantly, too busy staring at Jaehyun’s pretty chest, covered with little bruises from Mark’s own mouth to give a proper response.

They pass the stuff for the face back and forth as they head to Jaehyun’s back door. Jaehyun also snags a six-pack from the fridge, then unlocks the door and leads them out into the oppressive heat. 

There’s a minifridge outside, too, behind the little bar on the patio. Jaehyun slides the six-pack into the bottom shelf, then straightens. “Here,” he says, holding up the spray can of sunscreen. “I’ll get your back, and then you can do mine.”

Mark turns obediently, wincing at the sudden cold of the spray on his heated skin. He hears the clatter of the can being set down on the countertop, and then Jaehyun’s hands are on his back, smoothing in the sunscreen, kneading at some tension in his shoulders. 

And then, lips on the nape of his neck. Jaehyun kisses him softly before pulling away. “Okay, my turn.”

Mark’s legs kinda feel like jelly, but he manages to turn and grab the sunscreen from the bar. He sprays some sunscreen on, then presses his palms to Jaehyun’s back. His skin here is smooth and unmarred, and Mark resists the urge to dig his nails in, just to hear him gasp. They’ll have plenty of time for that later. 

“All done,” he says once the streaks are gone, letting his hands linger a moment longer before pulling himself away. His voice comes out a little hoarser than usual.

If Jaehyun notices, he doesn’t say anything. While he puts the rest of his sunscreen on, Mark ducks back inside to get another beer, figuring he’ll leave the six pack outside for when they don’t want to drip all over Jaehyun’s nice hardwoods. When he returns to the heat of the patio, Jaehyun is wading into the pool. 

“Make sure the door is closed tight,” he calls to Mark when he sees him. “I don’t want the dogs to run amok. We’ll let them out when it’s a little cooler so they don’t give themselves heat exhaustion.” 

Mark double-checks the door, laughing to himself. Who the fuck says “run amok”? And Mark thought he was the one with the weird vocabulary. 

He pops the beer open at the bar, takes a quick swig, and then works on his own sunscreen. By the time he’s done and sauntered out towards the pool, beer in hand, Jaehyun is floating in the deep end. 

Mark wades in, holding the beer up just in case and stays close to the edge as he makes his way to Jaehyun. He puts the beer down on the patio and joins Jaehyun in floating near the middle. Jaehyun’s watching him, smiling.

“What,” Mark asks softly.

“You’re cute,” Jaehyun says simply, dimple popping.

“Me?” Mark blinks at him. “Like how?”

Jaehyun shrugs, sending ripples of water out from his shoulders. “Just, the way you do things. The way you waded in. You put your beer down so careful. The way you’re looking at me, now.” Mark must look as puzzled as he feels, because Jaehyun laughs. “Big, wide eyes.”

“Oh.” Mark is flustered now, not sure how to respond. “Thanks, I think.”

“I like it,” Jaehyun says, sensing his unease and paddling closer till their shoulders knock. “Really.”

“It’s just, um, I was kinda thinking the same thing about you,” Mark admits. “You’re cute, too.”

Jaehyun groans. “I think I’m a little too old to be cute.”

“Mm-mm.” Mark flips over, slotting one of his legs between Jaehyun’s so he can’t float away, using his arms to tread water. “You’re cute when you blush, and when you giggle. I’m serious, I was thinking it earlier, when—” He sucks in a breath. “When I was fucking you. You’re—you’re cute when you’re getting fucked, too.”

Something flickers behind Jaehyun’s eyes, but he smiles easily all the same. “You think so?”

Mark pushes himself closer. “Yeah, I do,” he says. He doesn’t know what’s going on in Jaehyun’s head, but he knows how to make him forget it. Their noses bump, and Jaehyun giggles. “See, there it is!” Mark rushes through the words so he can finally kiss him. It’s a little unsteady since they’re both still trying to stay afloat, but Mark doesn’t care. His teeth bump Jaehyun’s, his upper lip throbbing from the impact, but he doesn’t care. Jaehyun thinks he’s cute, and he makes Jaehyun giggle. Mark from two days ago would’ve passed out and died from joy, probably. He presses closer still, though the water makes it difficult, Jaehyun’s skin soft against his own. 

They pull away, chests heaving, watching each other over the surface of the water. Mark pants raggedly, waiting for the fog of pleasure to clear from his brain. Jaehyun’s hair is slicked back, water dripping down his forehead and jaw and neck. The world is still for a moment, just Mark and Jaehyun bobbing in the wake of their kiss, eyes never leaving each other’s.

“I’m gonna get a beer,” Jaehyun says, smiling with one side of his mouth. He doesn’t look away until Mark does, turning only after Mark goes back to the edge of the pool for his own beer, half-finished and warming in the sun. Mark clambers out of the pool from there, circling its edge and heading back into the shade where Jaehyun is bent over the mini-fridge. He must feel Mark come up behind him, or else be watching their reflections in the window, because without looking up, he asks, “Need a refill?”

“Nah, still working on this one,” Mark says, proving it by taking a sip. 

Jaehyun stands, beer in hand, closing the door to the fridge. “Then what are you doing over here?”

Mark finds the bottle opener, putting his beer down on the counter and holding his hand out for Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun hesitates a moment, then passes it to Mark. “You’re cute, but you’re also really hot,” he says quietly as he pops the cap off and hands it back. “Guess… I didn’t want to let you out of my sight.” He holds onto the bottle even after Jaehyun takes it, releasing it after a second in favor of running his hand down Jaehyun’s arm. “You look so good shirtless.”

Jaehyun gives him a warning look, but his amusement is poorly disguised. “And? Are you gonna do something about it?” He tips his head back to take a drink of the beer, but he keeps his eyes on Mark.

Mark runs his thumb over the muscle of Jaehyun’s bicep, looking at him through his eyelashes. Big, wide eyes. “I dunno,” he murmurs. “Are you gonna let me?”

Jaehyun presses his lips together, swallowing. “Mmm, if you fuck me again, I’m gonna be sore.”

“Ugh.” Mark drops his hand, going back for his beer. “That the only thing that’s stopping you, hyung?” He half-sings the word hyung, drawing the syllable out. “Cuz after dinner, you won’t see me ’til next weekend.”

Jaehyun steps up next to him and leans back against the bar, elbows up on the counter, talking to Mark almost over his shoulder. “If it were up to me, and not the limits of my body,” he says softly. “I’d let you fuck me all day long.”

Mark groans, half earnest, half for show, taking his beer with him as he spins around to stand in front of Jaehyun, stepping close and trapping him against the bar. “Yeah?” He leans close and presses a hot kiss to Jaehyun’s neck, right over his pulse, running his free hand down his waist. 

“Yeah.” Jaehyun’s voice is breathier than before, and Mark knows he’s won. He won’t fuck him, of course—he doesn’t want to hurt him, and if Jaehyun says it’ll hurt, then that’s that. But Mark has other plans. He lets his hand travel lower, down to Jaehyun’s thighs, where his swim trunks are quickly drying in the afternoon heat. They don’t cling to his skin, so it’s easy for Mark to sneak a hand under the hem. “Mark.” This is a warning, though Mark’s not quite sure why.

“What?” Mark asks, looking up at him and trying to arrange his expression into something doleful. “Your fence is high and you have a stupid huge backyard and tons of trees. No one can see.”

“I can’t limp into music lessons tomorrow,” Jaehyun protests, though he makes no move to stop him when Mark inches his fingers up his thigh.

“No? What if I fucked your thighs instead?” Mark asks, squeezing the soft skin, humming encouragingly when Jaehyun gasps. “Hm? Would you be limping then?”

“You that desperate for me, baby?” Jaehyun asks, all semblance of hesitance gone from his tone in an instant, replaced by a bright playfulness.

“’S’not desperate,” Mark counters around another drink of beer. He’s getting near the bottom of the bottle now, and it’s getting pretty warm, and gross. Still, it’s getting the job done—his lips are numbing, and there’s a tingling under his fingertips. “Not desperate,” he repeats, “you just have really pretty thighs, hyung, did y’know that? Been thinking about them all day.”

“Oh, have you?” Jaehyun saturates his tone with incredulity.

Mark pulls his hand back, finding Jaehyun’s eyes. “‘M being honest. I wanna fuck your thighs.”

Jaehyun blinks, then lets out a shaky breath. “Fuck, okay,” he says. “There’s aloe in the far drawer, that should be enough.”

Mark grins, leaning in for a kiss before releasing him, tugging the drawer open and finding the bottle. “Think one of your lounge chairs will hold both of us?"

“We’ll find out,” Jaehyun replies, and Mark laughs, looking up to see him crawling onto one, sitting on his knees, facing the back of the seat.

Mark saunters over, finishing his beer and tossing it in the recycling on the way over. He bends over so he’s eye to eye with Jaehyun. “Sure it’s okay?” he asks quietly. “Don’t mean t’ push, you’re just so—”

Jaehyun kisses him, and Mark nearly loses his balance. He grabs Jaehyun’s shoulder so he doesn’t topple them both, kissing back once he’s sure his feet are gonna stay underneath him. Jaehyun’s hand finds Mark’s waist, his hip bone, his—

“Fu-uck,” Mark mumbles into Jaehyun’s mouth when he closes his hand over Mark’s cock. Jaehyun strokes him over his swim trunks, dropping his jaw open wider so Mark can lick into his mouth. “Mm, Jaehyun, ah—” He wrenches himself away. “You wanna do this, or do you want me to come in my pants for the second time today?”

Jaehyun laughs, but his eyes are dark. “No.” He drops his hand. “Fuck my thighs.”

Mark exhales sharply, stepping to the side and coming around behind him. “Yeah, okay,” he says. He gets onto the chair right behind Jaehyun, places a kiss between his perfect shoulder blades. “Gonna let me use your body? Hyung?” He doesn’t know why he uses hyung like a taunt, but it comes out low and pointed.

“Mm-hm.” Jaehyun pushes himself up off his heels, bending over to balance on all fours instead.

Mark tugs Jaehyun’s shorts down to his knees and has to stop himself from staring, cracking open the aloe instead and squeezing some onto his palm. It’s a little stickier than lube, but it’ll definitely do the trick, so he coaxes Jaehyun’s legs a little wider and spreads it on his inner thighs, reaching forward to use the excess on Jaehyun’s balls and the underside of his cock.

“Mark,” Jaehyun chokes when Mark wraps his hand around the base and strokes up. 

“Don’t want it to chafe,” Mark says, leaning over him so he can kiss the base of his spine. It’s a shitty excuse—Mark’s big, but Jaehyun’s thighs are bigger. At most, his tip is going to make it to the other side, but Jaehyun drops his head and moans as Mark twists his wrist, clearly resigned. 

Once he’s tortured Jaehyun enough, Mark pulls back and works his own shorts down his thighs, pulling his cock free. He’s already half-hard thanks to Jaehyun groping him a few minutes ago, so he doesn’t have to do much besides spread a little more aloe over the length of his cock before he puts the bottle aside and lines himself up behind Jaehyun. He has to take one knee off the lounge chair, planting his foot on the patio beside them instead to keep steady. 

“Ready?” he asks. Jaehyun nods. “Keep them tight for me, okay?” Another nod; Mark feeds his cock between the hot press of Jaehyun’s thighs, slick with aloe, and moans a little too loud.

“They might not be able to see us, but people still have ears,” Jaehyun hisses, but he’s giggling as Mark’s balls slap against the backs of his thighs.

“Oh, fuck, that’s—” Mark grabs Jaehyun’s hips with both hands, bending over and resting his forehead on Jaehyun’s back. “That’s better than I thought it was gonna—fuck, you’re so warm, hyung. Kinda feels like—” He draws his hips back and pushes forward again, mouthing over Jaehyun’s spine, another moan forcing its way up his throat, quieter this time but just as embarrassing. “Feels like fucking a girl, mm, ’s soft, and wet, ah, fuck, h-hyung, fuck.”

“Is it good, baby?” Jaehyun murmurs. “Does it feel good, baby boy?”

Mark thinks maybe he blacks out for a second. He either stills, or his hips are moving by themselves, he’s not sure. He squeezes his eyes shut, letting out shuddering breath after shuddering breath. Baby boy. “Jaehyun,” he thinks he whimpers. Whimpers. It should be mortifying, but one of Jaehyun’s hands is over his own, thumb sweeping over his knuckles. “Oh, fuck, Jaehyun, lemme just—”

He snakes his other arm up until he finds purchase on Jaehyun’s chest, then pulls them both upright. Jaehyun gasps in surprise but goes pliantly, one hand flying up to grip Mark’s wrist, the other scrambling backwards to hold himself up against Mark’s thigh. Mark rests his cheek against the back of Jaehyun’s shoulder, pressing their bodies together and rutting up between Jaehyun’s thighs. With his other hand, he reaches around and takes hold of Jaehyun’s cock.

“Mark, hah, careful,” Jaehyun manages.

“Mm, I got you,” Mark says, slurs. Maybe he’s drunker than he thought. Or maybe it’s just Jaehyun, getting in his head and in his veins and making him slow with lust. “Keep your legs closed, hyung, you said—you said you’d let me use your body, right?” 

“Yes,” Jaehyun whispers, slow. “Baby boy.” Mark groans, scraping his teeth over Jaehyun’s shoulder blade. “You like that? You wanna be my baby boy?”

“Yes,” Mark practically keens, maybe begs. “Yesyesyes, please.” He’s not sure why he likes it so much. It’s just intimate and sweet and right. He’s Jaehyun’s baby boy, and Jaehyun will give him everything he wants. His hips are moving without Mark even thinking about it, mindless chasing the gentle friction between Jaehyun’s legs. He refocuses on Jaehyun’s cock with the tiny fraction of his brain that hasn’t been entirely corrupted by desire, thumbing at the slit. Wet noises fill the air, the sticky squelching of their bodies, but it just turns Mark on even more. It’s so gross, but it doesn’t matter because he and Jaehyun both want it, both like it.

“That’s it, baby.” Jaehyun is shaking, Mark guesses from a mix of arousal and the exertion of keeping his legs pressed tight together for Mark. “Like that, so good. You gonna come?”

“Mm, close,” Mark admits. His head swims. “Please,” he whispers. “Say—say it again.”

“Come for me, baby boy,” Jaehyun says, his voice sweet. 

“Fuck,” Mark groans, speeding his hips up. He thinks he’s digging his nails into Jaehyun’s chest, probably painfully, but Jaehyun doesn’t complain. He thrusts forward, nosing at Jaehyun’s skin, breathing in his scent—chlorine from the pool, a hot hazy tinge from the sun, and underneath, clean body, something like sandalwood and teak. Jaehyun. 

He doesn’t even realize he’s coming at first until he pulls back a little too far and some of his release spatters up his stomach and across Jaehyun’s back. Jaehyun is murmuring encouragement still as Mark’s hips slow, Mark panting hotly against his skin. 

“Shit, ‘m sorry,” Mark groans when he comes back to himself a little and realizes he paused, mid-stroke, and that Jaehyun is still hard in his palm. 

Jaehyun fucking giggles, of course. “It’s okay,” he says. “Let go so I can turn around.”

Mark releases him, and Jaehyun manages to maneuver himself around so that he’s facing Mark, sitting down and leaning back in the chair.

“You’re sitting in my come,” Mark comments breathlessly as he reaches for his cock.

“I’m covered in it already, anyway,” Jaehyun points out, which Mark has to admit is a pretty good argument.

“Gross, hyung,” he says regardless, sitting down between Jaehyun’s legs and ducking his head to take the tip of his cock in his mouth.

Between both of Mark’s hands and his mouth, Jaehyun comes only a few short minutes later, curled over himself with his fingers tangled in Mark’s hair, pretty little moans spilling over his perfect lips. Mark strokes him through the aftershocks, the last of his release dripping down Mark’s knuckles and onto the already stained cushion as Mark surges up, kissing Jaehyun so he can taste himself on Mark’s tongue.

“Oh, shit,” Jaehyun mutters when they pull apart. Another giggle. “I’m never getting those stains out. I’m gonna have to buy new ones.” 

Mark slaps his hand over his mouth, but it doesn’t stop the laughter from bubbling up out of his chest. “Sorry,” he gasps out, and Jaehyun smacks him painlessly with an open palm. “You could just flip them over.” 

“No, that’s fucking disgusting!”

///

They run around the backyard with the dogs after they clean up, and then eventually order dinner and eat that out on the patio too as the air cools and the sun begins to set, steadily sobering up. As the sky begins to color, Jaehyun gathers their trash and pulls Mark to his feet.

“C’mon,” he says. “It’s time to get you home.”

Mark retrieves his underwear from the dryer and the rest of his clothes from Jaehyun’s bedroom, retrieves his phone from the kitchen, and shoves his feet into his shoes. Jaehyun waits patiently, keys in hand.

“So,” Mark says, taking his time with his laces. “Next weekend?”

Jaehyun grabs his phone out of his back pocket and brings it down in front of him so Face ID activates. “I’ll put my number in your phone,” he says. “We don’t need that app anymore.”

Mark panics for a second, wondering if his text thread with Johnny is visible, but a second later, his phone is back in his pocket without any further commentary. “Okay,” he says, standing.

Jaehyun opens the door, watching the dogs while Mark slips past. “But yes, next weekend,” he says, stepping out onto the porch as well and locking the door behind them. “I can come pick you up Friday after work, if that’s good for you?”

Mark nods, then realizes he probably can’t see him as he’s already out on the driveway. “Yeah, that’s good for me. I should get off around 5, so any time after 5:30 is good.”

Jaehyun unlocks his car and they both get in. “Sounds good,” he agrees. “If the weather’s not too bad on Saturday, I was thinking we could take the dogs for a hike. I know a nice trail—not too hard, and really pretty.”

“I’m game,” Mark says. “It’ll probably be good for me, I haven’t really been working out since school ended.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Well, I don’t think you need to worry too much,” he says wryly as he starts the car and pulls out onto the street. “You’re in pretty good shape.”

Mark grins. “Thanks.”

They chat about nothing as Jaehyun makes the drive across the city to Mark’s place. Too soon, he’s pulling up in the loading zone in front of the doors. Jaehyun turns his car off and bends forward, peering up at the building.

“This is you?” he asks.

“Uh, yeah,” Mark says. 

“Why do you need a sugar daddy?” Jaehyun straightens, but when Mark finds his eyes, his gaze isn’t accusatory, just confused.

“Right, sorry, I kind of forget—this, my friend’s parents own this building, and they’re giving me a massive discount,” Mark explains. It’s Chenle, of course; his parents have a small real estate empire up and down the entire West Coast. “My friends and I are living here next year for school, but I’m in a studio right now since the unit I’m gonna be sharing with a couple of my buddies is still occupied by this other family. So it looks like I’m rich, but I’m just lucky.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Got it,” he says. “Sure you’re not a scammer?”

“I told you, I don’t need your money,” Mark groans, and Jaehyun laughs some more.

“I’m teasing,” he says. “Go on, it’s getting late. You can give me a tour next time.”

“Uh-huh!” Mark agrees, thinking immediately about how gross his place is since he hasn’t cleaned it in weeks. “Uh, text me if anything changes. And, um, have a good week. Probably shouldn’t—kiss, James might’ve paid the doorman to keep an eye on me.”

Jaehyun snorts. “Yeah, okay,” he says. “Have a good week, Mark.”

Mark pops the door open, waving as he steps out onto the curb. “Bye!”