#jack scanlan

(left) pilaf medley (farro, winter wheat berries, brown rice), three silken tofu creams (kumato, mango, and cilantro avocado), garnished with white cabbage and chive blossoms

In the past six months I faced the death of a good friend, my trial, and now this. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so helpless and sad about anything in my life than this. Being back in Marshfield for the past two days has made me realized how lucky I am to have some of the most incredible and supportive friends.

I’ve gone the past two years thinking that besides two or three people that I was unwelcome in Marshfield. I distanced myself from so many people I was once incredibly close with because of the end of a relationship, unknowing that it was the other way around and that he had cut ties with everyone way before I did. Seeing all my old high school friends made me feel so much better about absolutely everything that has been weighing heavily on my heart for a long time. I have never had a group of the most supportive, understanding and downright amazing friends.

I wish we all got together under different circumstances, but Jack was THE reason I even had enough courage to venture to his services and go back to Marshfield. It’s weird how streets, songs and buildings brought back so many memories for me. Memories I truly don’t think I ever let myself process or forget.

But life moves on. It will get easier to go to Marshfield and see my friends. Slowly the memories of streets and the beach and restaurants won’t hurt as bad. I’ll get over the loss of a friendship. Right now it’s going to be hard and I’m going to hate it, but I know like everything in my life, I can conquer it.