#jack lucas

-Jacklyn Lucas

Keel Authentication Ceremony at Ingalls

Today Ingalls Shipyard in Pascagoula as well as the State of Mississippi gave a nod of the highest respect to a war hero and Gulf Coast native.

It’s a name that’s already gone down in history, but now will forever be known throughout the world.

Thursday, Ingalls Shipyard set the stage for a keel authentication ceremony for a destroyer named after Hattiesburg native Jack H. Lucas. Governor Phil…

Standing a burly six-foot-seven, Peter Freuchen looked like a lumberjack fucked a grizzly bear and she gave birth to the physical manifestation of an ass-kicking.

In 1906, at the ripe young age of 20, Freuchen dropped out of medical school and set off to explore Greenland by dog sled. That's where he met his first wife, an Inuit woman named Navarana Mequpaluk, who bore him a daughter named Pipaluk Jette Tukuminguaq Kasaluk Palika Hager and a son named Mequsaq Avataq Igimaqssusuktoranguapaluk -- because even the alphabet rightly feared Peter Freuchen.

On another of what came to be known as the Thule Expeditions, Freuchen found himself buried alive after waiting out a blizzard. With probably the grossest MacGyverism ever, Freuchen took a dump into his hand, shaped his deuce into a chisel, waited for it to freeze rock-solid, and then chipped his way to freedom. Unfortunately, shit-chiseling is grueling work, and by the time he crawled back into camp hours later, his left foot was hopelessly frostbitten. That's when he -- without any anesthetic whatsoever -- performed a self-amputation on his gangrenous foot, hopefully not with his shit-chisel.