#izanawrites

And make the terrible mistake of pretending to be hurt, ending up on the doorsteps to your favorite character’s home. At first — you were ecstatic! spending days to literal months at his manor getting to……. ‘know’ him. Enjoying nightly suppers and evening walks with him by your side. He thinks of you as weird and peculiar while you thought of it as a growing romance, dreaming about ‘candlelit dinners’ where he professes his love for you.

Because there was no electricity yet.

All you wanted was to be close to him, your favorite character— from the very game you’ve played for months and years on end. Saving up to pull for his character banner without fail everytime he shows up in the gacha, spending whatever money you had left to purchase HIS limited skins because you love him that much!

but then….

You end up slipping,

You say too much, information you wouldn’t and should not know and now?

You’re in his basement. Beaten and tied up in a creaky chair, with nothing but the tattered clothes on your back and a dingy little light hanging above to keep you company. Wounds littered your body, some still bleeding and your eye hurts, you can still remember the feeling of his fingers digging in.

Tortured for days, you sit there, secured with chains. There’s no windows so you don’t know how long you’ve been down here. But you’re hungry, he seldom feeds you, only coming down to cause more pain. You beg for water and he grants it by feeding you a boiling cup of it.

You can’t tasted much anymore because of that.

Begging for mercy but he doesn’t listen. You’re in pain, so much pain, body aching from all the hurt he’s caused.

Please stop.

To you, he’s your favorite character, someone you admire, you learn to care for, love with all your heart, and….. hopefully wish to be with.

To him, you’re a stranger, a stranger that knows too much, a stranger that sees him as nothing but code and fiction, where all his experiences, all his pain and hurt. The trauma he’s had to witness, the past that made him who he was….

Was nothing but entertainment for you.

The thought leaves a bitter taste on his tongue.

He leaves you out to die with a gift,

And what better gift than to remove the very thing that started it all? Cutting off your tongue brought him satisfaction, a deed to make sure you don’t spill anything to anyone, he could kill you but you’ll die out there and he’ll feel better knowing you will die a painful and wretchedly awful death.

It’s what creatures like you deserve.

You run off into the deepest parts of the nearby woods. Up into the mountains where snow falls all year round, you know this place, having been here multiple times for daily quests and picture - taking. It was beautiful then but the biting cold does nothing but make you hate it all the more.

You find an abandoned hut, it’s somehow furnished, cozy and you decided—fuck it you’ll live here, i mean, where else can you go? He’s known everywhere. Any town will send you to hang in the gallows if you dare speak— not that you could anymore.

Dressing your wounds as best you can, the ice helps to stop the bleeding, Relief and surprise is all you feel everyday you wake up still alive, infection barely seeping into your wounds.

Was it mercy from whoever brought you here?

You don’t know.

————

It’s been 2 years and you learn to forage, picking up familiar plants you know are edible and exploring collection spots you remember from your days simply gaming.

Oh how simple it was then.

Learning to trap small critters and skinning them to make cloth comes naturally to you, sometimes you wonder who’s body is it you’re controlling. Yet the reflection you see is yours—no one else.

It’s easy to avoid the monsters when you time it right. It’s suppose to be peaceful, a life that’s quiet. You don’t know how to get back but you’re fine living here.

Then…

He appears in front of your doorstep.

It’s almost laughable, the irony,

But unlike you, he’s actually injured. Unconscious. Wounded, battered.

Like how he left you.

Probably bit off more than he can chew when he fought his enemies on these mountains you remember, Heart and Head fight each other, your body still aches. Looking down onto his blood that splattered when he fell and continue to bleed into the ground.

You grit your teeth….

And bring in him.

You nurse him back to health to the best of your abilities, checking on him day after day, sleeping next to him on the floor while he bled all over your little cot you call a bed. He wakes, but he doesn’t recognize you. You keep yourself covered, hoods and unkempt hair does the trick.

He tries to thank you but you urge him to leave, a lack of a tongue makes it difficult to say what you really want which is ‘Get the fuck away from me’ but he eventually does. You wish it was the last you’ll see of him but alas….

He comes back, this time bearing gifts, money, food, fabric but you refused everything, almost slamming the door in his face, telling him no again and again as best you could without a tongue.

A threat to your life but he doesn’t know that.

He doesn’t recognize you, a cloak almost permanently stiched to your body, effectively hiding your appearance from him, a mask you’ve fashioned out of animal skin that stays on the lower part of your face, never making eye contact.

To him, you were a lonely, broken soul. Left to fend for themselves all alone in the mountains, no family, no friends, an eye bandaged because you can barely see with it after he tried gouging it out, the other one thankfully still works— missing fingers on both hands. It was no doubt that you were crippled, walking around with a limp because your left foot never healed correctly. Using a stick to support your weight when it got too cold. It warmed his heart to know people like you still existed….

But of course that was before he knew of who you really are.

Following you to the river to leave you high-quality soaps, he accidentally saw you undressed, and with it—your identity. At first he was ashamed, then disgusted, and finally enraged. He recognized those wounds.

He caused them.

The deep anger he feels coursing through his veins that you managed to fool him twice with your ‘supposed’ kindness has him going back to the hut you’ve made your home to ambush you there. Walking back unknowingly to your death. Tackling you at your doorstep and ripping off your hood— showing your hair and features, he seethes curses at you and sneers at your feeble attempts to escape him.

Insults leaves his lips, ones he’s never uttered before, would never use because he was raised better, because he wasn’t the type to do so. Terrible words you wouldn’t expect to leave your favorite character's mouth…

Yet here you are.

With his final words wishing you would burn in hell, he stabs you in the face. It’s almost peaceful that you instantly die but he wasn’t satisfied, the dagger he holds—a family heirloom, plunges into your face multiple times long after your death, skull almost breaking apart from the sheer force of his strength.

It’s quiet.

Nothing but the sounds of the howling winds billowing through the poorly covered windows. The makeshift door still wide open. A sigh of relief leaves him, somehow your death brings him peace—like something has finally gone right.

He looks down at the corpse beneath him in disgust, immediately getting off. He rushes home to clean himself of the filth, leaving your body there to rot, laying uncaringly in those barren mountains, unknown to the world.

Just the way he would like it.

Yet….

Why is it—

It’s been months later—but here is he, plagued with nightmares of you. Why? The memories of your fear-filled face from the moment he mercilessly sliced off your tongue to the final moments of your life where he caved your skull in with that Dagger. The same dagger on his desk that he cleaned off with mirth— Mere hours after your death, satisfied. Memories of your time together in the snowy alps when he didn’t know it was you raced through his head every waking moment. No matter how much he tried to turn off his thoughts.

He resorted to drinking it away, night after night, locking himself inside his bedroom where no-one in the manor would notice, not his family, nor the maids. Drinking himself into a stupor until he can’t anymore and passing out only to repeat it again the very next day.

Why was he doing this?

What’s happening to him?

Did he….feel guilty? For what he did to you?

Impossible! You deserved it! Every waking moment of your life from when he met you that was spent in torture was well-deserved! You caused all his hurt, the decisions you made when playing his route that led to him experiencing every god awful memory that made him who he was!

Right?

He didn’t know anymore…..all he could recall was that you never took advantage of him, from the day you ‘met’ him, you never once used your knowledge of him for your own benefit. All he knows, you could’ve blackmailed him, threaten him—anything!

And yet you didn’t…

All you did was enjoy your time with him—whatever you could get, even time after when you were but a shell of your former self….you still cared.

After realizing this, he ends up sobbing and bawling all over his sheets, hours upon hours spent just sobbing until he finally plucks the courage to leave his room by escaping through his bedroom window—to avoid anyone’s questions. Never minding it was on the second-floor, He ran non-stop.

With only one place in mind.

Finally arriving at his destination, he stopped to take a breath, in front of him was your hut, The little home you made yours, what little semblance of safety you had left—until he took everything away from you. The second time.

The cold biting air of the snowy mountains feels like nothing compared to the feeling in his chest, taking slow steps forward, each feels like a heavy weight added to his back with each foot placed onward. He was afraid—-

But of what?

The entryway was snowed in, blocking his path but his abilities made quick work of it, revealing a cracked, moldy and deteriorated wooden door, shaky fingers reach out to push it open. He didn’t know what to expect.

But there you still were. Body left on the ground where he brutally murdered you. Falling to his knees almost immediately, mournful sobs racked through his body, but his eyes refuse to close, choosing to look at the macabre display he had made of you —only to never be found.

Using whatever strength he had left to crawl towards you, hands shaking as he reaches out to touch you—cold, god you were so cold. What was he even expecting? Face cracked open, body stiff and limp, the extreme weather an advantage as it kept your body preserved well after death, not a single maggot to be seen on your still corpse.

He doesn’t know if that made him feel better or worse.

It’s like he can almost see it—right there, on your lips, a sweet serene smile, if as you were happy. Not regretting a single thing. Maybe…. glad he was the one to kill you. To finish the job. An uncharacteristic scream echoes throughout the room and it took him a second to realize that it came from him.

Gently scooping you into his arms, he sobs into your no longer beating chest, begging for forgiveness, to come back, to hurt him, punish him—anything! He cries and wails for you like a child for hours into the white void until he couldn’t anymore, until all he could do was carry your dead body to the corner, to the small pathetic cot you called a bed—the one he laid in for days while you helped him back to health. He holds you there, throughout the snowstorms he held you. Whispering words of sorrow and agony, uselessly using whatever power he had to warm your cold body up—as thought it might magically bring you back.

As if the wailing, the screaming, the begging and whatnot could bring you back and mend the broken pieces of your face together. But nevertheless..

Lifeless you stay.

For he was the one to end it.

The one who left you there for months….

To rot.

—

Ever since that day, he started spending more time in your little space than anywhere else, still continuing his duties as normal, his nightly job of beating down criminals was met with even more ferocity—finding no remorse in slicing down actually bad people. A sick thought crosses his mind where you would be….proud of him for killing them. He would still visit his manor from time to time. To avoid the questions, continue to do his work in the towns and cities as the master on his house, still refusing the countless marriage proposals littering his desk. Ignoring the questions concerned for his behavior, they say he looked out of it but he feels fine—even his most closest companion asked if he was okay but he told them all with a warm smile;

That everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about. A man known to all to be cold and closed off—smiled at them. It unsettled them all—It was weird, but he didn’t care, let them think what they wanted. There are rumors going around that he has fallen in….. love, but they’ve seen neither hair nor tail of this supposed ‘lover’.

With time he had come to think of your home as his, taking care of it and sweeping away the accumulating snow and dust but he never dared to move the possessions or add to the home.

He liked it as is, didn’t want to disturb them in any case you wouldn’t like it. Everyday—like clockwork, he would sweep the floor and cook his meals in a little pot and bonfire you had prepared in the middle of the room, sleeping in the little cot in the corner. Water the plants that surprisingly survived the harsh climate. Everyday he would find something to fix, whether it was a crack in the walls or a hole in the floorboards he would patch it up, in delusional hope that you would come back happy to see that your home was well taken care of.

But his most favorite part of the day?

Was at night when he wasn’t doing his nightly duties of finding criminals to bring to their knees, gently caressing the little possessions you owned, little knick knacks here and there, kissing the books he knows your sweet and soft hands touched, he knows they were soft, remembering the feel of them when you tended to him while he was weak and vulnerable. He sees a figurine you carved from your time still alive, he watched your hands—when you thought he was asleep. Pretty fingers that though inexperienced, carve away into a piece of wood to create a familiar animal that he realizes is his favorite. It squeezes at his heart the first time he saw it, dusting at the shelves. He broke down crying, this session long and tiring. Only stopping when the blinding sun switched into the calm crescent moon.

And your body? The one he spent 3 whole weeks holding and caressing? Offering empty apologies and promises that couldn’t be fulfilled because you will not come back. Never he thinks.

After mourning you enough, he brings your body to a bright field full of flowers in every color—a place he remembered you telling him was your favorite spot.

In the dead of night, he dug your grave all by himself, buried you before covering it the prettiest flowers he can find. Coming back every 3 days without fail to replace the flowers, and then planting more seeds, Rare ones, ones with the prettiest blooms—to decorate your grave.

All for you.

It’s been a year and a half of this—from when he…killed you. He found himself feeling happier than ever, it was so strange he thinks. From hating a person’s entire existence enough to torture them for days on end—to crying to them for repentance after realizing all the wrong he did.

He didn’t even think falling in love was something he could do, much less with a dead body. It wasn’t an emotion he thought of. Too busy taking care of the people of his manor and the criminals that littered the streets of his home.

Never mind pursuing love or potential marriage, a feat even the locals thought impossible—usually because how he, a young, successful and handsome bachelor often shies away from the opposite populace, rarely gracing the public gatherings with his presence.

Yet now….all he thinks about is you, awake or sleeping you’re all he sees, and now he finds a small pile of bedsheets and blankets, something you either made yourself or found within the home he doesn’t care, what does is that they smell like you. pressing them to his nose, he breathes in the scent that is you.

Laying them down onto the cot, he presses his face down into it, breathing in until his ribs show.

His cock swells with desire.

You smelt so good—addicting, and before he knew it, there he was. Stroking his cock to your smell, rubbing his face here and there as though trying to cover himself in it. Imaginging you on this very bed, sleeping.

He whimpers—shit..ahn….!….he’s gonna cum…!

Creak..

He snaps towards the door, the door slowly opens and in the doorway was a perosn he didn’t think he’d see again.

You.

You’re still here, this world wants to keep you it seems. The lush greenery of the area you previously spawned in surrounds you. A sight normally revered with awe yet all you feel is phantom pain…

The sudden thought of such pain has you checking your body, but only surprise greets you— your limbs, fingers wiggling in the sunlight—all there, not one missing. Moving your mouth to gasp, and you feel your tongue. Sitting inside your mouth where it belongs. it….feels weird in your mouth after so much time lacking one. Tears well up in your eyes—

Wait, eyes?

Blinking, noticing how the world looked so…open. A hand comes to press over your right eye—the eye he damaged. It’s there it’s there! The urge to cry overtakes you, and you can’ t sop yourself from falling to your knees, sobbing into the grassy floor of the forest. Gripping the still wet grass in your hands, feeling the sensations of the nature around without all the extra pain and nerve damage has you appreciating this second chance more than you would like to admit.

You’re alive! Alive!

And whole!

But…..

But you were here. Still here. Still trapped in this godforsaken world, you don’t know why you were reincarnated but…. You aren’t in the mood to find out. Maybe i should try killing myself? Perhaps it will take you back to your world—ah but if that man killing you only brought you back, then it just might happen again, besides you aren’t the suicidal type thank you very much. The growing anger in you wishes to curse whatever-o-or whomever! put you here with no help whatsoever, no idea over what you should do or give you an idea of what’s your purpose! You don’t even know who’s body this is!

But you’re still not sure how strong is the being that placed you here.

So you keep that mouth shut.

Racking your brain over what to do when you remembered….your hut! A smile graced your face, since you know you weren’t welcome, going there and living out the rest of your days til you die sounds like heaven.

Sure the climate is almost unlivable, and you can’t fight the monsters that roams those mountains but you are..whole now. It will be easier now, hopefully……You don’t feel like visiting the villages or looking at the sights. I’ve seen enough of it on my device. Honestly you’re just petty and don’t feel like gracing the world that literally killed you—horribly mind you, with your presence just yet.

So the hut it is!

Hopefully no one is living there yet since this seems like a reset…..if it was then everything must be back to normal…right?

However,

Yet only surprise awaits when you were faced with a hut…but not your hut. However you recognize some things—things you built and things you’ve fixed. All there but…how? It’s a reset isn’t it?

Isn’t it?

But there’s something else, the hut looked wrong.

It’s suppose to be abandoned, left alone to the cruelty of the punishing cold yet it looked…..lived in. The wind howled, it’s breezes pushing you closer yet it felt more like a warning than anything. Slowly you approached the door, pressing your ear up to it.

Noises.

People were living here? Perhaps you arrived too soon, swallowing what little saliva was left you think it over. I wanna run away—what if they aren’t friendly? You purse your lips, a desire to think it over swells within you but the freezing wind has no mercy—With it’s icy wind whipping you all over and the fear of frostbite…you know you must decide now.

Or go back down the mountain.

But you can’t go back!

You can’t see their faces again and pretend everything is alright when those memories will pague you!

So this hut is where you will stay, you have to!

Stepping back a bit before you take a deep breathe and with shaky hands, grasp the knob, wincing at the cold metal biting into your already freezing one. gritting your teeth, you twist the knob….and open the door.

——-

Of all the things you were expecting…it was not him.

On his knees, kneeling by the bed, his fucking dick in his hands—looking quite busy before you opened the door and interrupted him. His head twists almost painfully towards you in shock, his face connects to yours, eyes focusing on your face and with a loud groan. He came.

It. Went. Everywhere

Ropes of sticky cum shoot out nonstop, coating his hands, the bed and the floor.

If you thought you were frozen before, you definitely were now.

Why was he here?

What’s going on? Did the world not reset like you thought it did?

What was he doing…oh god his cock was still out, held firmly in his big hands, plump cock head still oozing thick globs of cum that spilled all over the floor—shit there was so much… he panted, eyes still adjusting to the sunlight that poured in from behind you—he thought you were just an illusion—an angel that came to greet him one final look of you until the fog over his sight cleared and his eyes widened.

It was…. you….it was really you!

You were alive and well! Not a speck of injury on you. Which only made him more happy than ever. A second chance he thinks. Suddenly he stood up, alarming you to take a step back, the biting wind licking at your skin from behind. Instantly he tries calming you down stuttering how ‘he wasn’t gonna hurt you’ but his face, his hands—oh god those hands! Everything about him reminded you of how much he hurt you, how much he broke you—what he stole from you. The fears eats you up from the inside and you’ve never felt more afraid that you are now.

Memories flooded into you all at once, haunting you, making tears well up pathetically in your eyes. He tries walking towards you slowly.as though you were a defenseless animal he needed to gain their trust before slaughter. And in your positions? You might as well be prey.

His hands were out to show that he wasn’t armed. But you don’t care. You know damn well enough those hands had enough strength to snap your neck in half.

He takes another step forward and you hiccuped, the tears won’t stop, through your misty eyes, you notice something bobbing and look down—his cock was still out, still hard, slit producing pre like it had a mind of it’s own. Noticing your stare he quickly looks down and blushes, hands panicking to put it away—not wanting to scare you anymore than he already had—did. Trying to reassure you that ‘everything was okay’ and that ‘he wouldn’t hurt you…’

But you won’t take any chances.

Without a beat, you turn on your heel,

And run.

He blinks, not expecting that before running after you, you hear him yell behind you to ‘stop—please…..Stop running!’ But you will not—the fear acts as adrenaline, pushing you to run faster. Further.

Don’t let him catch you.

Faster.

Dont let him get you.

Snowy mountains turn into lush greenery, the wilderness surrounds you, baiting you to slow down, trying to convince you you’re safe but you won’t stop.

Or you’ll end up back there again.

Not hearing him anymore You look behind you to see if he was still behind—only for it to cause your downfall when you crashed into something hard and metal.

“Woah there miss!” A pair of gloves holds you steady, you look up to see a pair of guards that were patrolling the area. But…these weren’t just any guards—-

These were the same guards were the ones who gleefully sliced off three of your fingers before forcing you to eat them—the feeling of bile crawls up your throat, cotton filled your ears and you can’t register their voices asking their multiple stupid questions. These men saw you struggling… and asking them for help, you didn’t know they were informed of your ‘treachery’. The cruelness of humankind appalls you.

Feeling lightheaded, the memories of their laughter and happy faces as they brought down the knife that severed your fingers were making you dizzy. The urge to yell,scream or beg for mercy dangles at the tip of your tongue but you were exhausted from wasting all your energy going down that mountain at breakneck speed.

The tastes of human flesh and blood sticks to the back of your throat like rotten honey.

Maybe it’s just the fatigue from running so much. “Miss?…..are you alright?” Both men looked at each other quizzically. A mysterious pretty lady just appears out of nowhere and slams into them, now she’s….. Frozen like she’s seen a ghost. You need to calm down. They haven’t done anything yet…or did they?

You looked…familiar. Where had they seen you before—

“Hey!” a well-recognized voice called out, making both men snap towards the voice.

“Oh hello there Sir!” They greet him, bowing in their usual fashion, he approached them quickly and with a gentleness you didn’t expect took you into his arms, wrapping his coat around you. “Oh dear, you got terribly spooked didn’t you?” he cooed. “Uh….Sir? Is she…alright? She slammed right into us and—“ the world blanks out around you, his hands caging you in, it feels like a spider’s web. You feel trapped. They talk about how a beast had frightened you down the mountain while you were on a ‘romantic walk’, scared you dead out of nowhere. “I’m sorry for my fiancee, she didn’t mean to—“.

Your ears felt fuzzy, body stiff and guarded until you felt the man— pull you into his arms, carrying you as though you were his blushing bride-to-be instead of his victim.

He walks off with you, bidding the men goodbye while you settled there frozen, still unable to function after what happened. A large mansion appears in view. His.

He brought you back to where everything started. Icy chill runs through you and you want to run but his grip tightens every time you move a little.

Ignoring everyone’s questions, he passed by the people in his mansion, before standing right in front of a door. It’s a large one, covered in intricate designs it’s maker had taken time to carve into. It’s a beautiful door.

Too bad it’s going to be holding a prisoner instead.

Bringing you inside to let you rest against the uncessarily large bed, he moves to kneel in front of you, a face full of regret and sadness—he speaks to you, spilling his apologies and how remorseful he felt. But never does he ask for forgiveness, he knows he doesn’t deserve it.

Taking quick glances around, you look everywhere in warning to everything around you. No longer feeling safe in the place you once called your refuge. He leaves you be after this, a maid comes by to bring you food but you don’t eat it.

The morning next he enters the room to find you for breakfast, only to have his heart break when he tried looking for you only to discover you sleeping underneath the large and comfy bed. Curled in a small fetal position, back against the wall as if something was gonna hurt you. Him.

Seeing you there damn near broke him even more so when he tried to coax you out with breakfast, hearing your stomach gurgling in hunger having consumed nothing since yesterday. Yet you simply stare at him wide eyed, never inching closer—-just staring. Never uttering a word to him.

A slight shaking in your body as you refused to move, not even an inch. Defeated by your rejection and sad that you refused his care, he leaves the tray of breakfast for when you would feel comfortable enough to eat by yourself.

A few hours pass and he comes back, the tray left at the edge of the bed was still there. But it was empty, a satisfied smile crosses his face. This is how he continuous to bring you food. Ever so often, he adds a book he thinks you might like or accessories that would look wonderful on you.

All things a pretty lady like you would like.

And after every meal, he exchanges the tray with clothing, clothing that might fit you.

All dresses—soft and comfortable, made of the softest and finest fabrics, expensive yet dainty.

Only the best for you.

—-

It was one day when he thought you were done with lunch since it had been hours since he gave it to you however you had still been sleeping, still underneath that bed you refuse to come out of. He never forced you to leave, simply letting you get used to the atmosphere. So he left it there for you to eat when you awaken.

But what he didn’t know is that you had just woken up as he neared the room, since the doors were silent, never creaking due to the servants meticulous care you didn’t hear him enter—as well as his stealthiness.

He watched you from behind while you nibbled on a piece of meat, he had made you his favorite dish. Wondering if he should say something but stopped when he heard, “ste..ak” eyes widen at your form. You were….you were trying to pronounce words! He then remembers why you were. Heart aching to the past you that had to live without it, he doesn’t know how or why you had come back alive and well but he won’t waste this chance to take better care of you.

The pauses in between chewing were you trying to remember how to use it. Before he could stop himself, he let out a wistful sigh and in doing so you dropped the fork in your hands, the item creating a clank! that echoed throughout the room, making him inwardly cringed at the noise.

he hastily moves into the room, making sure the door behind him stays open, “No..no” he reassures you, “Everything is okay—you’re…you’re okay, i won’t hurt you.….” It took a while to convince you that he wasn’t there to cause trouble but he managed and now you sit in front of him, right there on the carpeted floor, eating your lunch without vomiting at the sight of him sitting right across from you, who is—by the way watching you happily.

This kept happening, him finding ways to join you during your meal times, at first you were nervous as hell but…. after a while? you got used to all the staring and smiling, him watching you eat, never bringing his own meal, simply sitting in front to watch you.

All was well for a few days…

Until you decided to sneak out the window one quiet night. No you are not running away, you just wanted to…escape…just a little bit. From the suffocating feeling of the room. It was all too much for you, the comfort—the….the dresses.

The food.

Happening upon a hill that was a bit further away from the mansion, you sit down and take in the scenery around you. The air was crisp and the cicadas were loud. Chirping away without a care in the world. Fireflies danced around in such wonder, you forget where you are only for a moment.

There’s a flower in front of you, a common one. But its one you know so well. Dandelion your mind whispers, however it’s easier said than done when trying to move your tongue to do so. “Da—dan..dandelea—u-un…”

“It’s dandelion.”

You whipped around to see him, dressed in his usual get-up when he does his ’late night job’. He’s smiling softly down at you, not a hint of anger in sight. “It’s a dan-de-lion.” Moving to sit next to you, he repeats it again and you slowly pronounce it back. The both of you spend the next hour pronouncing the names of the many beautiful flowers surrounding you.

He honestly found it ironic that this is where he found you when he thought you left him.

After all,

This was your resting place.

But he didn’t need to tell you that, did he?

It was time for him to bring you home before the clock. Strikes at midnight—‘a dangerous hour’ he tells you. the door to your room is held open by him, obediently you go inside, not wanting to test your luck in making him angry. Feeling a breeze means the door has shut and that he has left but suddenly…

His arms gently wrap around you—immediately you stiffen but he doesn’t notice or seem to care. Hands caress your head, face buried itself in your neck, taking in your scent. Again, he goes on another spiel that he’s sorry for everything he’s done, every trauma and pain he’s caused you.

He wants you to know that he doesn’t want your forgiveness—it’s a foolish thing to even think about after what he’d done but he wants you to understand that he genuinely means everything he’s said. All his words of sorrows and regrets were true and he hopes—that one day. Maybe. You will believe them. he continues to hold you until you shift around, signaling how confined you felt at that moment.

at this, he lets you go but not before turning you around and….planting soft kisses to your head. “Sweet dreams, little one.” He bashfully tells you, an uncharacteristic blush on his handsome face.

The door closes and you are left alone. There are no fireflies and you can barely hear the cicadas.

That night you go to bed feeling very…….. uncomfortable.

Part 3??

——-

Where you grew up as mc and caleb’s childhood friend, you fell in love with caleb ever since you first saw him, a dashing smile on his face that made your heart beat unaturally fast. You became fast friends them, having move into the neighbourhood when you were 7, itching for adventure in a new place, with new faces.

You were a year older than mc, and a year younger than caleb, making her the baby of your trio and you both always made sure she was well-taken care of.

Come second grade and you and him were in the same class, with mc in 1st grade. Despite this, he never left her alone, every lunch break and reccess was spent with her, feeding her her favorites and buying her snacks while you tagged along awkwardly, not really knowing how to add yourself to an an already well-established dynamic.

But you really wanted to be their friend.

Although they dont seem to share the same idea , your presence sometimes being ignored for their other childhood friend. A boy with the prettiest green eyes that seemed cold around everything but mc and whose ice evol was much cooler than whatever you could bring to tthe friendship.

Like the third wheel you are.

You watch them sometimes walking ahead of you after school, their shadows melding together in a perfect trio. It makes you question if they even wanted you around…

It got even worse in high school, although zayne had moved away for college, since he graduated first. It didnt feel like you had gotten any closer, Mc had her own cliques that were more like….her. Preppy, trendy, the popular type that gets all the boys and just..cute all over, while you stood there out of place in your old worn-out sneakers that you keep because you loved that pair and comfy sweaters with holes that you’ve picked out of anxiety, overthinking your place in this friendship you’ve had for years.

do they even like you?

These thoughts plagued your mind like a bee hive, buzzing incessantly, but It seems too late to questioned that, the countless sleepovers, secrets you’ve all spilled during ice cream hangouts, food court trips, and visits to the beach, it all must be proof of your closeness to each-other—isitnot?. You still have the pretty shell caleb had given you that day, it was a beautiful white conch shell, one of your prized possessions still sitting on your caleb shrine…

Yes.

You have a caleb shrine.

That’s not weird at all! Dont people have collections of things they love??!

….

Okay maybe you are a little weird for having a small shrine of him….

But you promise that there’s nothing weird going on—-! You don’t follow him around or anything!

Sure you were a bit too clingy, but you like your new friends, even though there are others, the three of you together felt special, like the three muskateers or something..

You loved making plans with them for little study sessions, and you pretend not to notice how they often have them without you, you pretend you dont feel the pain of being left out everytime your scroll past their recent photos they’ve uploaded on Moments.

Matching outfits,matching drinks..where they in a relationship? You wonder, the caption says otherwise “studying for finals with my bestie~❤️“, your finger hovers over the photo, wondering if you should heart it.

But then you see it, a piece of your pink sweater sticking out of the supposed ‘perfect couple’ photo and you feel yourself shrink in disbelief.

You were there with them, yet they didn’t even bother to take a picture with you..when did they take it? When they were sure you weren’t looking so you wouldn’t ask to be in it?

Looking through both their profiles, you bite your lip, noticing the lack of you in them, even though you had them in yours.

You don’t think they hate you, after all you’ve spent your entire childhood with them. You three were the best of friends.

Yet it seems not everyone at school shared the same idea, as though you ruined the perfect duo that they were, a stain on the Prince and Princess of Linkon high.

‘they look soooo perfect for each-other’ you remember some people gush over them whenever they were picked to play as beauty and the beast for the school play.

And you?

A fucking broom.

Not even the main one, just a background broom.

They were always so in sync with in each-other, his eyes always look for her in a crowd, always the first to call out her name and wait for her no matter how late she was. Makes sure to win her gifts at amusement parks, and the stupid claw machine you’re sure is rigged. Until he comes to win her plushies to add to her ever growing collection while you wait there with your hands empty and heart waiting.

He would pack her favorites and keep snacks that she likes just in case she got hungry. He always—always shared his answers with her, taking the time to teach her material she couldn’t wrap her head around and there to console her when she failed.

but you?

You never first in his eyes.

you were never his first priority. But— you were okay with it, after all they were close before you even came around, being the youngest you understand caleb’s soft spot for her. But you can’t help but be jealous when they would walk ahead of you, running after them, calling out and playfully hitting them for not waiting up, but the slight pang in your chest never left. The gifts he would give you—a cute sheep plush. At first you thought it was sweet precious even- the happiest you’ve ever been at fifteen—only for the hope to crush you when mc comments that she had a duplicate of that so she gave it to caleb instead.

The same plushy you begged caleb to give you after he was done winning mc multiple prizes at the arcade, but one look at her puppy eyes and he told you he would win you one the next time.

They didn’t even invite you the next time.

You held back tears that day-smile wobbly and nodding.

You never expected much after that.

You nodded when caleb told you he couldn’t wait for you, ‘ i need to walk mc, she gets scared of alleys when walking back home—you understand don’t you?’, you held your tongue when they didn’t wait for you at lunch, their food done and finished as you just arrived, you didnt even speak up when they shared your umbrella when it was raining on the way home, you had to use your own bag to cover yourself because caleb was worried mc would get sick from the rain.

Yet you couldnt help but like him.

You feel so stupid for liking someone that will never have eyes for you. Too busy watching out for his little angel in case she trips over her own two feet for the third fucking time in a row.

But you can’t help it, he was never really rude to you, he was just too focused on taking care of mc, that’s what he was used to.. he did his best to include you in things, conversations that where you discussed topics you were passionate about and he would just listen, midnight calls where he comforted you after terrible nightmares and anxiety attacks.

A hill you both found after a day of exploring, one that overloooks the beautiful sunset you both love to watch and unwind. A spot that you both promise was your ‘special hiding spot’, a spot he hasn’t even told mc. You go there every time you feel nervous about an exam, or if you’ve had a fight with one of your parents and he was always there, to comfort you and be by your side and encourage you with sweet words—

Making sure you both share a ride on the rollercoaster, even though he rode the teacup with mc for the sixth time that day while you only got one ride before she started complaining she wanted to go home. You didnt want to, asking caleb if she can go home by herself so you two can enjoy yourselves on the rides a little longer but he shut that down quick ‘pipsqueak can’t walk home alone’ he says, grabbing her hand ‘ i’ll be back’

He never came back.

You waited for hours until the sun went down, two cotton candies ignored in your hand while you waited for his message, only for him to say that mc and him were watching her favorite show and he couldn’t come back and for you to walk home alone

By yourself.

But you can’t hate him. You wish you could..

He was always so kind, so helpful, he never raised his voice at you and wasn’t the type to leave you behind…

Unless it came to mc of course.

You liked him for who he is as a person, a hard-working grandson who loves his family, who uses his free time volunteering at the animal shelters, and teaching the local kids how to play basketball.

Which is why—you decided to finally do it!

You were gonna confess on your last year of senior high.

You don’t want to hide your feelings anymore, you wanted him to know just how much you liked him.

So on the 1st week of October, you stood in front of him, nervous. It was a cool friday, a nice breeze flowing through the air and drying the sweat the dripped from your temple.

The sun was setting behind you, it was quiet since there aren’t that many students around. You—with your messed up, homemade chocolate that you stayed up all night the day before, so many trial and errors, chocolates you are very sure you burned twice before finally, finally getting it right-

Only for the chocolate to spill all over the floor, you let out a squawk before a curse leaves your mouth, banging your leg against the side of the table, it leaves you reeling in pain, you almost cry out in the comical fashion, because— what the fuck!?

You just wanted to make chocolate for the boy you love!

You heave a heavy sigh, no use crying over spilled chocolate(see what i did there?), you start over, eyeing the amount of dishes growing in the sink and mentally crying at the consequences that you will be washing all dat.

You sigh in exhaustion and look over your ingredients, you have enough to make one more batch and you hope to whatever god was out there it goes right this time.

And it’s like luck has shined down upon you, because it turns out perfect!—you actually cry this time because damn it, it took you like 6 fucking hours to make 5 chocolate hearts!

You packaged it up all nice and cute, a orange heart-shaped box with purple ribbon, you thought it fit well since it was October for the color scheme but honestly it’s because the purple reminds you of his eyes.

And now you stand before him. The boy of your dreams for years, you stutter just to get the words out “ w-will you go out with m-me, Caleb?!” You say the last part out a little loud, cringing at the volume, it was silent for a while, before a warm hand pats your head, you open your eyes, not realizing how hard you had them clenched, he takes the box you held out and smiles, so bright “sure!”

You blink, not sure you were hearing right—you were so sure he was gonna reject you…a big smile shows on your face, maybe this time..

He’ll choose you first.

You don’t realize how much you’ll regret thinking those words.

When you both got together, everyone was shocked, like they didn’t expect it, nervous eyes darting over between you and her. were they looking for animosity? maybe her giving you both the cold shoulder. But she didn’t react when caleb broke the news to her, ‘congrats guys!’ Was all she said as she laughs, not a hint of anger in those angel eyes of hers.

But you saw it—

A slight quiver in her lip, the shakiness in her eyes, a strained smile.

But you couldn’t feel bad, ‘you’re such a bad friend’ you hear a terrible voice whisper in your head. But it’s not fair. She’s had him her whole life and now he’s finally yours—! You ignore the guilt creeping up your throat because it wasn’t fair…

Everyone had mixed thoughts about your relationship

Mc’s group of friends avoided you, talking about you behind their back, how you ‘stole her one and only light’ and mc didn’t do anything to refute, she stayed silent, as though…agreeing to it all.

People at school were not expecting you both, you can tell they saw mc with caleb instead, he didn’t say anything to defend you, you didn’t say anything either.

At first it was fun—the first few months were bliss, you went on dates, walks to the park, and multiple trips to the beach, Mc was always there of course, for some reason caleb always had a reason for why mc just had to be there, but you didn’t mind. It wasn’t like it was on purpose right? Besides-It felt just like old times when the three of you would go everywhere together. She wasn’t ruining your dates becuase she didnt want you two alone—right?

Right?

You had never once said anything bad about mc. You couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Shouldn’t.

Because Mc was Perfect, she was an angel and she could do no wrong, even if she ignored you on purpose, made everyone pick her over you and always, always wanted caleb to help her with whatever the fuck she needed helping because she was oh so helpless while telling you that ‘you can do it yourself, you’re big enough’.

But now you want nothing more than to curse her name a bit.

Because she just. Kept. Appearing.

A few times was fine—then it just kept happening, she was already there despite you not telling her where you two were going and you suspect caleb was telling her where you two where headed, maybe she asked, but you were frustrated at the blatant lack of privacy that you both had a fight about it, yelling that you both need to have your ‘alone time together’ since you’re in a relationship now and mc can’t just keep barging in. he tried to calm you down until you couldnt take it anymore,

“she just wants you for herself caleb?! Can’t you see? Shes trying to break us apart!”

…

At those words you saw caleb’s eyes darkened, you freeze. It was silent now, heavy breathing leaving you after all the screaming.

“Don’t you EVER say those words” he hissed, you flinched back, why was it so venomous?

“She didn’t do anything to make you so paranoid, so stop being so fucking delusional and understand that you can’t monopolize all my fucking time and energy”

.

.

He left right after but you stood still, shook to your core, it was the first time seeing him so…angry.

——————————————————————————————————————————

After that incident it became tense between you and caleb, you tried to bridge that gap with jokes, good morning messages and texts to take care of himself and snacks he likes but he didn’t seem like he was all there, he zoned out often, not listening to you speak for minutes, gazing at something you couldn’t see.

You will never truly have his attention. A voice bites in your head.

It sounds just like her.

You were sure she was laughing at you.

You had a bad habit of being clingy to things and people you love so you can’t help it if you wanted to be around him all the time…but maybe it wasnt helping him.

Mc started avoiding you and caleb got worse, he became quick to anger, losing focus on his tasks and school work leaving his grades to plummet and a screaming session where his coach yelled at him for 30 mintues straight when he couldn’t get his head in the game.

His friends who were worried for him, said that maybe he should break off the relationship, take some time fro himself since he started becoming like this when you got together. At first he refused—calling them rude and crazy for even suggesting that but then they threw their explanations at him and he couldn’t help but think ‘they’re right’.

You were clingy—well you always were but it tripled when you got together now he couldn’t go anywhere with you and you liked having calls at night that messed up his sleeping schedule.

You wanted to go somewhere all the time, he didnt have time for anything else as though you were trying to make for something—lost time perhaps?

Study dates, study dates—study dates!vyou always wanted to have one in the library after school and ask him for help on subjects he’s sure you aced at.

You were apparently very weird—they saw you saving candy wrappers from sweets he would discard and rumours of your shrine containing pieces of his hair and tissues he used to blow his nose.

Okay that one was kinda creepy—but cute at the same time.

But he understood their concerns, he sees it everytime he looks in a mirror, baggy eyes and pale skin, his muscles were disappearing since he couldn’t go to the gym without you tagging along and it was frustrating him that his phone was blowing up at all times of the day and it’s been days since mc spoke to him. She was angry and he didn’t know why, countless messages sent only for her to leave him on read.

He doesn’t notice the messages you sent. The last one reading ‘i love you caleb, please get some rest’.

She finally messages him, late at night with one sentence.

“Break up with her, then we’ll talk”

The coming weekend, he comes over to formally end your relationship, ‘ it’s better to do it early man’ his friends say. So here he is, at nine in the morning.

To break up with you.

At first he didn’t know what to think, why was pipsqueak telling him this, she offered no explanation despite multiple messages from him asking for a reason, he thought his friends were kidding when they said to break it off but now…

He liked you, you were sweet and kind but…that was all. You never struck him as someone to catch his eye through the years you’ve grown together, too plain, too simple. meanwhile mc flourished under his watchful gaze, growing more beautiful and he couldn’t help but feel his heart quickened everytime they meet eyes.

Why did he even accept your confession? Was he bored? Or maybe he was tired of waiting for her…

But if she was messaging him like this—then maybe it meant…

He knocks and waits for a while. Practicing the words in his heads, shoving down the guilt he’ll feel knowing it’ll break your heart but he can’t take it. Mc’s face flashes in his mind and he steels his resolve.

You finally open the door and is surpised before a smile takes over “come in” you usher, but he stays put, “this won’t take long” he says fists clenching, why does he feel so guilty?

“Huh?” You tilt your head, sleepy and still in your pajamas, “yn..” he breathes,

“Let’s break up..”

.

.

.

At first you didnt process it, mind moving slow from the sleep clouding you, before you laughed “oh caleb, it’s too early for jokes” your smile strains.

“I’m serious yn” he sighs, eyes tired. “ I want to break up with you”

It was quiet, the nieghbourhood was silent on a weekend like this, you stood there in shock and disbelief, the crushing weight of your heart dropping to your gut at his words “b-but…” tears well up “why..? W-what did i do?” You look up at him, bottom lip wobbling “it’s not you…you didn’t do anything” he looked away, “it’s…me i’m sorry for leading you on, i dont think i was ready for a relationship” his shoulders sag as he said this, like a weight has been lifted—or added?

You open your mouth to say something but he interrupts—“ so let’s just…end this okay? I do love you yn but i don’t i ever saw you like that..” your breath hitched was it mc again? You wanted to scream, was it mc you thought of?!

It wasn’t fair! Not fair at all!

NOTFAIRNOTFAIRNOFAIRNOTFAIRTHATSTUPIDBITC—

“Okay” you smile, hoping your tears don’t fall, making you look more pathetic “but…” you shove down a sob “ we can still be friends right? Just like old times?” You shiver, but it’s not from the cold.

“ yeah “ he nods “i’ll..see you around yn” he turns and walks away, leaving your house, leaving you, all alone.

Like many times before.

Months pass and it’s already june, and the entire time he doesn’t see you, doesn’t look for you too busy patching up things with mc and keeping her happy, enjoying his incoming graduation, partying the days away, too drunk and satiated to think how much of a hypocrite he was, a fucking liar.

It wasn’t until the last 2 weeks of school did he notice how you didn’t show up anywhere, you were always active around school, helping with events and staff but now even your friends came up to him to ask how you were.

He tried to remember the last time he saw you, but all he could see was your face full of pain on that morning, when the morning dew permeated the air and he stood in front of you to break your heart into little pieces and leaving you with the shards to fix.

No one had seen you, no one checked up on you and you don’t respond to anyone’s texts.

He tries to send a few during class, checking every period to see if you’ve responded, you usually did and panic only fills him with every hour.

what happened to you?

Are you ok? Were you hurt?

Where are you?

—————————————————————————————

NEXT PART

—————————————————————————————

Should i make a part 2? (Might be a time skip with lots of steamy scenes tho lol)

You felt him before you even heard him.

It wasn’t difficult to find him in the vast majority of students, he stood out too much. You felt his presence all over the college you entered, seen his achievements on the walls made up of certificates and trophies, heard his name spoken through the blaring speaker's more times you can count, his being seemed to be intertwined with you despite trying with painstaking effort to dislocate your very soul from it.

You wished you could say you hated him, say that he was nothing but piece of shit, an asshole who couldn’t keep his head on straight when it mattered, that he was a good-for-nothing, smile-stealing con man who played with your heart and mind for years before finally pulling the cat out of the bag and stomping all over your feelings when he said he couldn’t love you, that he wasn’t ready for it all, you wished you had screamed, shouted, yelled—at least slapped him and maybe screeched that he and mc can fuck off and kiss into the sunset for all you cared.

But you couldn’t.

Despite it all, the pain, the heartbreak, years of neglect from both in and out safe spaces, you couldn’t hate them…

Hate him…

He was all you had after all.

After Zayne moved away, you were…disappointed. you know he left because of college, to pursue his goals of becoming….something. but it felt strange without him around, at least with him around you didn’t feel so lonely—if mc had someone by her side 24/7, so did you!—well sort of? He always had his nose is a book but he never said no to your ideas.

You always went in pairs, The perfect symmetry of your group. When it become a trio, you expected the isolation but you had some hope that maybe zayne could visit when he was free?, so that the ever-growing negative feelings within that threatened to swallow you whole everytime could disappear..even if it’s just for a day.

But instead when you came home that day— feeling slightly dejected from Caleb and mc ostracizing you again, a day spent where she tried on the cutest dresses in the shop that she wanted to go, clothes that seemed to fit her juuust right, but when worn by you—looked like shit.

They had laughed then, saying ‘it wasn’t your style’ and how it ‘doesn’t fit your body type’.

You spent the day just standing outside the clothing store, ignoring the looks you’d get while they spent their time together, mc being the it girl with all her dresses and ideal body and caleb who said ‘she would fit in any style’.

He told you this was mc’s day and he promised her he would take her here, that you will have a day for you too.

But that never happened—it was something that has become the unnerving norm the moment zayne left..when you came home that day—

You were greeted by a screaming match between your parents.

Your father had cheated on your mother. With several women in over seven years.

And they had been married for 20 years.

As if life couldn’t get any fucking worse, your mother—with her soft heartedness had decided to forgive him and let bygones be bygones—you still don’t understand why she did. You were only 16, your life had barely started yet it felt like it was starting to end. Two people you had dearly loved left that day, one physical and the other emotional, you didn’t know what to feel. You spent the rest of the day staring blankly at the ceiling for hours until your mother called you down for dinner, it was a sad one, none of you could speak, the silence filled with grief and anger. All you could do was look at your mother while her bloodshot eyes look down in defeat(or was it shame?) while your father stared into nothing.

A family broke that day yet none of them made the wise decision to leave, and you spent it tiptoeing around them, walking on eggshells because it didn’t feel like your home was a home anymore.

Is this really love?

You don’t want to ask how she knew what he did.

Was this what love was?

You had tried to be happy for yourself, but it was so draining, so tiring; your smiles felt strained and you can feel the strings of your mind breaking little by little; trying to juggle schoolwork, taking care of your mom and a personal life with extremely personal feelings was a shitshow and a half—the first time you felt reprieve was the time you finally told Caleb what happened, you suspected he knew—the neighbors gossip too much but you were happy he was willing to listen that day, you told him everything, from your dad’s infidelity, how it affected you all and your mom’s declining mental health.

He didn’t say a thing, and just having someone just listen to what you had to say was more than enough For you that time.

You think this was the moment your feelings for him deepened.

Having someone like that made your insides feel all weird and tingly, your mind wild with scenarios where you were the main character, where he focused on you, spent his effort on you instead of the youngest but it was hard with her always around.

Why did you think that confessing your feelings for him was gonna change anything between them? why you believe it will create the boundaries that you thought would finally happened—was unknown, even to you.

The paralells between you and your mother was sickening.

Was this how she felt? Was her love so deep that she couldn’t help but love despite his betrayal?

You were always told that you were too forgiving—that you got your kindness from your mother, but you can’t help but resent her a little for it. Perhaps if you were more assertive, maybe upfront with what you wanted—maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation.

After losing him that day, you truly felt all alone, so alone in your thoughts and feelings that you never heard the CRASH downstairs from your room, it was only after an hour—a whole goddamn hour, when you came down to speak with your mother, that you found her on the ground.

Dead.

She had suffered a heart attack and your father wasn’t home to help her.

You weren’t there to help her.

The day went by in a blur and you can’t remember the details all too well, she was pronounced dead on arrival and all you can do is just sit there, numb and empty for the third time in the span of a month. You still don’t know how you pulled through, how the beating organ in your chest came out fine after all that heartache and loss.

It felt like the world was ridiculing you. Doing it’s best to make your life worser and worse.

Poking fun at your pain, your loss and you can’t find it in you to care nor have the capacity to even begin processing what has happened.

You couldn’t even turn to your dad, your own father for comfort, the bitter feelings in your heart never left from the moment the truth about his infidelity was revealed, his betrayal to your sweet mother—who had shown nothing but love and loyalty and care for him. You couldn’t go to class, you never got to do your finals, yet the fear of being left behind—of having to repeat a year, never made it’s descend in your thought consciousness.

The only silver lining was that your teachers were merciful enough to pull your grades forward enough to graduate, after finding out about your situation but you couldn’t even attend that.

A day that all students wait for, after years of hard work, years of research and notes, sleepless nights and the anxiety of waiting for your test results.

All gone.

You had promised your mom that she would watch you graduate, watch you in your graduation clothes adn give your short speech, and take your diploma…..

now?….

You wanted nothing more than to join her.

The funeral was a small one, your father couldn’t wait to be done with it all so it was literally just you, your father and the local priest who prayed for your mother’s Journey into the afterlife.

Yet it seems life had more plans for you,

Your father had outdone his own levels selfishness and greed, he sold your childhood home, your mother’s things and precious memories, you had arguments over this but eventually he got his way, you managed to at least keep your mother’s jewels—her inheritance to you.. before he could get his grubby hands on them but then you had to move into your grandparents house.

His parent’s house.

It was in the countryside, peaceful and full of fresh air and birdsong. Your mother would have loved this, it’s been a decade since you’ve seen your grandparents from his side, the last time was when you were a mere child but they were as lovely as you remembered.

Do they know what he’d done?

Seeing how kind and gentle they were it makes you wonder how your father turned out that way.

You ponder where was the father who took you for ice cream and gave you piggy back rides? the husband who got mom flowers every Sunday and went for family picnics on a nice weekend?

That summer had never felt more like your personal hell. Despite their kind smiles, the love they had shown you—yet you couldn’t even return it in full, the death of your mother haunted you—you see her face every night and you wonder if you could’ve done things any differently.

But you can’t live this forever, you know you can’t— your mother would be disappointed. All your life she taught you to ‘let go of the bad because there’s always good to look forward to.’ But for a little while you’ll let yourself cry until you run out. Until you’re ready.

———————————————————————————————————————-

Days and weeks pass.

You can’t help but feel a slight change in the air, you decided then was the time to change things for yourself, you found a summer job to start saving up and move out of there, making sure to tell your father and his new girlfriend that your mom deserved more than him and that they can go fuck themselves before you left that house for the final time.

With the words of your grandmother encouraging you:

“Bitterness holds no place in your heart dearie.”

So you took it to heart and learned to forgive once more…but you won’t forget, never again. You would never forget the pain of those moments. Those terrible memories when you get a little bit too happy and get hit with the pain of the past.

But forgive? Yes. 100%, you will hold no hate in your heart for mc, despite all she’d done. You did your best to release your feelings of anger and sadness from the past to begin anew, you do your best to understand Caleb.

You haven’t gotten over him—no not yet. It’s too soon and you’ve loved him for so long….it will take a while but you’ll get there.

You had to be better, not just for yourself, but for your mother who had spent her whole life loving you to the best of her abilities.

You spent those months rebuilding yourself from the ground up, going to therapy, surrounding yourself with a support system like the small circle of friends that still kept in touch, internally healing yourself with animal cafes—nevermind your bank account getting lighter with each visit. Enrolling yourself into college with the money that you had saved with your part time jobs and freelance, and situating yourself nicely within the female dorms provided.

It felt so nice to feel independent, after all that damn drama.

…….

Meeting Caleb again though was not on your bingo card, you remember running at the speed of sound when you noticed him walking towards you but he didn’t see you. The good thing was his building a few ways from yours so there was still a chance you both won’t meet—and you planned to keep it that way.

That is of course..until it started happening.

The eyes, heavy and locked on you. You felt them watching you, starting from the moment at the cafe that winter morning, somehow….

You knew it was Caleb, at first you weren’t sure it was him, only seeing glimpses from your peripheral that could be brushed off as coincidence.

Somehow you just knew.

Then again you were weird like that, you always seem to feel Caleb around you, like a radar for him, know his presence was around, you seem to have a beacon out just for him.

It’s why you joined Gideon’s party, because you knew he was here, you knew he was waiting…

“it’s nice to see you again.”

You turn to him,

“Caleb.”

——————————————————————————————————————————

He was silent for a long time you worried he short-circuited(lol). But he started sputtering, looking everywhere but your eyes and you almost found it cute.

Almost.

You let out a huff, “come on,” you urge, “i’m sure you have questions..” he just stared at you, still not believing the fact you were talking to him. “but this isn’t the appropriate….place for it, so let’s take this conversation somewhere private, yeah?” You walk away, moving like a ghost til he stumbles after you, it must be the alcohol making him so vulnerable.

You arrive at a park, going towards a playground, you make yourself comfortable in one of the many swings and he follows suit, without waiting he instantly starts firing question after question. “where did you go?!, me and mc were so worried about you! Why didn’t you call or text?, you said you’d keep in touch yet you ghosted us for months! What happ—“

“Caleb!” Your raised voice has him reeling back, it was silent, the cicadas were loud that night, “One at a time…please.”

“Why did you leave?” He almost wheezed out that question, it felt like he was in pain. “If this was about that day i dumped you then—i’m sorry..i—i-i’m sorry yn,i never meant to—“

Ypu hold up a hand to stop him “again..one at a time” you pursed your lips listening to him ramble, “i left because i had family problems, it had nothing to do with you and mc, don’t worry, i don’t think i’m petty enough to do that.” you let out a small smile.

“Oh…” he deflated with relief at your answer, “so we didn’t..make you leave? Our terrible ways to you and—“ you sigh, this will go on for a long time if you let him continue, “Yes Caleb, you didn’t, of course —that didn’t mean you were right…. either.”

You get up and dust your pants of imaginary dirt, “A lot of things happen that caused me to disappear and for that i apologize, I was outta my head and I couldn’t trust myself to speak with you guys without breaking down multiple times..” you stare at your shoes, kicking stones to alleviate the pressure in your chest, “but..i’m also sorry, for worrying you, never letting you guys know i was okay or even sending a text—you didn’t deserve that.”

he smiles gently, “i’m glad” a pained look comes across his face, “I don’t know what i would’ve done if something did happen and that day was the last time i ever saw you.” You let out a hum, thinking back to all those years of pain and neglect, “anyways” you start, dusting imaginary dust off your pants, “I…i gotta go, it was nice seeing you again..”

He snapped his head towards you, “wait—! about before, that day—“

You wave a hand, “it’s all in the past now, I don’t feel angry for it, so rest easy besides you’re drunk right now Caleb—and it’s late, you should go back.”

Honestly?

you just didn’t wanna hear it, what difference does it make now?

You only came to explain yourself, offer your excuses for going Houdini on them but don’t need anything from him.

Not anymore.

You accepted his feelings that way and lived with it. Turning to leave but his hand engulfs your arm, it’s so warm, comforting against the biting chill of the night. “i—i love you yn….i really do,”

You look at him in shock, “ Caleb you’re drunk, you should go home— i don’t know what you’re even sayin—“

“No i know…yn, i’ve always cared for you that never stopped, i know i ignored you and made you feel like shit, but also know that you were always precious to me, i’ve never had any ill intent—“ you know the lines have blurred between you two, the love of a precious friendship—or an intimate relationship? He most likely doesn’t even know himself.

“If you truly love me, and i accept your feelings will that stop making you feel guilty?” You throw his words back back, “do you truly…truly love me or is it just a feeling that happened…because you felt regret when i left?, if you truly love me as you claim to be—will you make me the only one who matters?” You question him and as always Caleb stays silent, unable to answer.

“I-i just wanted another chance…to be better—-”

“For what caleb?” You fully turn to him now, he was bath in the glow of the moonlight, still so handsome despite that look of anguish painting his features, “did you even know what you truly want?, you talk of love and promise but what do you really know about it?, do you love me like mc? As a friend? A sister? Or more?” You push further, “do you love me the way you think you do? Or do you love me that way I had loved you?”

He finds himself stumped, he knew he loved you—always had. but even he doesn’t know the extent of it, how much did he love you? How much does he yearn for you? Is it like a friend or familial love?, a lover? Maybe more than that? He can’t tell and he feels like kicking himself for not knowing the answer that escapes the corners of his mind.

All these months of preparing for it and it turns to dust. His mouth feels like it’s been glued shut, all he can do is stare at you in despair.

You wish it never came to this, you wish you never confessed and just stayed friends, at least you’ll still have as your friends, so that when you came back you could all enjoy being together once more, talk about the times, going through college and experiencing all the trials and tribulations life will throw at you together.

But it’s happened and you must do what you need to survive this.

You wished in the time that you left. Your feeligns for him had diminished, gone cold and empty, but it only seemed to beat faster and fastest seeing him grown in such a short while. He had gotten gorgeous even more, striking purple eyes and his stupidly fluffy brown hair, and that build…it made him look every bit of the ‘tall,dark and handsome’ your friends gushed all around you when they describe the perfect sports manager from the aerospace department.

“I—i..i dont know…” he finally says after what feels like hours, “but what i do know is that i want to do right by you, i can’t just let it end like this..it’s not fair to both of us….not fair to you…” was he crying? a few sniffles leave him and your heart aches, in spite it all you hate making him sad even though you think he deserves it juust a little bit.

You think it over, mulling the pros and cons before finally coming to a decision, “all right..” he instantly perks up, “but—” you start, “I want to start over, with a clean slate like we’re strangers or acquaintances….like we can talk about the happy times! But no more of the sad shit okay?” you tilt your head towards him, “ is….that okay with you?”

He stares at you, a weird look on his face, he shuffles his feet in nervousness before standing up to his full height, “i—alright….i mean..if that’s what you want, if that’s what you’ll give me then i’ll take it.”

A soft chuckle leaves you, he thinks it’s the sweetest thing he’s heard in a while yet it sounds so hollow coming out of your mouth, “I wish i could hate you….” you lean against the metal railing of the swing, “scorn you for leaving me all alone when all i had was you—while you doted and care for her…” you look towards the night sky, “but i couldn’t…you were just too nice, too resposible, too helpful I know how much mc meant to you since it was just you two before I arrived, one cry for help and you were instantly there to hug and kiss it alll better,” your eyes look to him,

“It’s one of the many reasons i loved you.”

You let out a tired heavy sigh, “I wished i was more volatile that day, I wish I screamed my heart out, yell at you to never come back and all that, maybe even slapped you once,” you snort at the imagery,

“then why don’t you?”

He was suddenly in front, kneeling before you, he takes your hands into his, “ i’ll accept it all, i’m stronger now yn so i know i can take it,” his eyes were so puppy-like—it made you feel like the villain right now, “I’ll take it all yn, i want to feel it, it’s not too late to tell me everything you’ve felt—your anger, your pain, make me feel it all, let me atone…” he grasps at your pants, gripping the fabric like a man at a holy altar.

You pull away from him, walking a few steps away before stopping, “If you’re just feeling guilty because you think you pushed me to leave then forget about it, like i said it wasn’t what you did that made me go so just drop it!” You let out a huff of frustration, “besides..what difference would it make now?” You rub your arms, it was too chilly tonight, “Our relationship was already so rocky, a fight like that? right now? It would obliterate the paper thin walls to nothing…..and i don’t want that.”

“And as much as i wished, i couldn’t force you to love me, i can’t make you see me the way i did for you, feel for me the way I did—everyday and night throughout those times I had to see you two together act more like the couple I wished we were” you felt tears pouring down, shit you promised yourself you wouldn’t cry and you couldn’t even see through with it “To love someone…..it shouldn’t feel like an option, shouldn’t feel like a choice with no way out.”

A shaky sigh leaves you, “ To…love someone—truly…like truly love them, with their whole being unconditionally should feel as though you’re soaring, like you’re weightless, light and..and f-free, loving someone shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly ripping out pieces of your heart and stitching it back up again just to redo it because you couldn’t take care of the love I willingly gave you!”

You were freely crying now, the feelings were coming back full force and you can’t stop, he wanted this, “I was happy loving you, I loved you not because I needed you for something, nor did I love you because i wanted you to do the same— i simply love you because I could! Because I can! Because I could! And I fell in love with the Caleb who showed me what kindness and empathy felt like, who made me feel like I had a place in this world, like I belonged somewhere even as your friend, I was happy, I was satisfied…”

Shaky breathes leave you in gasps, you hold yourself together, you can’t break down—it’s too soon for this, you sniff, “there you have it….a piece of my anger” you sigh, you can feel your eyes burning from the contrasting temperatures of your hot tears and the biting cold air, “are you happy now\/ is that what you wanted?”.

His own tears poured non-stop, chapped lips bitten til they bled, he knew just how much you loved him but he didn’t think it was to that extent, his whole body is covered in a itchiness he ached to scratch, a sudden urge to dump himself in boiling water so he can come out a new person, shedding his skin, leaving the parts of him that you hated behind..”thank you……i needed that” his sniffles filled the silence between you for a few minutes before he speaks, “What will we do now yn? You…y-you ask to start anew but—“

“I still want that, and that’s why i’m asking that if you wish to salvage—“ you gestured towards you both, holding in your running nose with your other hand all the while, “whatever’s left of this relationship then…… all we have left is to really really start over, as friends, to clean the slate, get over the past and the pain and guilt that came with it, begin anew with no attached feelings.”

“You mean…forgetting it all?”

“Not forgetting…” you reply, “but remembering what had caused this, to use it as a lesson to be better, for ourselves, our family and friends….will you let that happen?”.

It takes a whilke before he answers, you felt nervous before he nods, agreeing to your terms, walking towards you again, he removes the jacket he was wearing before placing it around you, “ it-it”s cold tonight, let me walk you back at least….” he can’t think straight honestly, he wants the best for you and will cater to whatever you needed but it felt so sad to just forget everything that’s ever happened—you’re not forgetting everything stupid. He can’t complain, he shouldn’t or he’ll lose it all for real.

You walk back together and he leaves you with a wave goodbye, promising to stay in touch for sure this time.

——————————————————————————————————————————

He goes back to his room, exhausted, his phone blowing up with messages from his friends asking where the hell he just disappeared to?, the only one he replied to was zayne’s questions, texting back a simple, ‘was in my feelings, but i’m in my room now.’ He was gonna go straight to sleep after a successful crying session, when he hears footsteps approaching before a few knocks rapped at his door, a muffled “Caleb?” Is heard before he realizes it’s zayne, “Come in,” his voice cracks and he winces at that.

Zayne enters with a cup of something warm, “Gideon was worried, said you disappeared and they couldn’t find you for hours,” he blinks it’s been hours? he stares at the clock by his bedside table, oh shit you two were gone for 3 hours and he hadn’t even noticed the time passed by so quickly, were you two talking for that long?

“Here” Zayne sits on his bed and offers the cup, “what’s this?” He takes it without hesitation.

“Herbal tea, i figured you’d need it.” There was a knowing look in his eyes, “again, what for?” He looks into the cup, it doesn’t seem bad but then again he can’t smell for shit right now due to his clogged up nose.

“For your stuffy nose” he says “judging by the state of your emotions you had been crying—again.”

He leans forward “What happened?” Caleb sighs, holding onto the cup with both hands as it warms his palm from the chill in his bones, “I met her at the party gege…” he looks away “ we had..a—talk,”

“I see…” zayne nods, not pressing nay further, “she told me she forgives me…well—somewhat and that we can be friends again….i mean we didn’t stop but you know? After what happened? I thought she would hate me!” he takes a sniff for the cup but again nothing comes up. “You don’t seem very happy to hear that..” Zayne raises a perfect eyebrow, “ I am! I promise I am gege…it’s just—you know how it is…a lot of feelings were spilled and she wants to start over as friends.”

“I suppose that’s good news for you..” Zayne lifts himself from the bed, “I’m happy for you nonetheless, you both cause this to make up for lost time, do good for each other,” Caleb smiles weakly, “thanks gege…” he nods back in response “well, it’s time for bed, drink that up and please remember to wash up before going to bed..”

“Yeah, yeah dad” he playfully waves him off, the ravenette simply shakes his head, “Goodnight Caleb” the door clicks shut behind him and Caleb is left alone with his thoughts once more, he drinks up the medicine, surprisingly it doesn’t taste bad before having that promised crying session and going to bed.

Yet he doesn’t know why he feels disappointed by your answer..

As friends?

I mean—isn’t that what he wanted anyway? To do right by you as a friend?—not as his lover…he loves you—so so sooo much so he listens to your wishes, and he’s happy for the both of you…

Right?

You on the other hand lay awake in your bed, thinking about what happened, the conversation replay in your head nonstop, there was nothing wrong of course, but it felt so surreal, so unnatural, you wondered if you’ve just dreamed it all but you decided thinking about it is no help to you so despite the difficultly sleep finally finds you.

——————————————————————————————————————————

After that you and Caleb start to see each other on the daily when he decides to ask if he can accompany you on your walks to class, you don’t ask how he knows your schedule or how he has the time to always arrive before you did, you don’t mind, finding it harmless and you two enjoy the little breaks in between classes, filling it up with idle chatter and small talk.

it was nice…your chest didn’t feel as heavy, no longer burdened with the pain of leaving and leaving them in the unknown.

Caleb decides to take it slow before he asks for your number, which he shyly asks during one of your walks around the campus “Nothing weird i promise!” He waves his hands at you, “just so that if you need me or I have something to ask you, we can keep in touch!’ You laugh “relax, Caleb i’ll give it, it’s just a phone number,” of course you didn’t need to know he already had your number but what you didn’t know won’t hurt you.

One evening he texts you to meet him in the cafe you frequented:

Unknown:

Hiii

yn: Hello?

Who is this?

Unknown:

it’s me, caleb! :D

yn:

Oh.. Sorry i forgot i gave you my number.. What’s up?

Caleb: I was hoping we could get an early dinner? at that cafe you said you like?

If—you’re not busy that is.

yn: Sure, i have no plans.

Caleb:

Great!, can’t wait :D.

———————————————————————————————————————-

Caleb goes through the day with a smile on his face, then goes to bed anticipating the next day.

He arrives first at the cafe he texts you two to meet at. Nervous, he holds onto the small bouquet of flowers he has, your favorites. He only had to wait a while til you arrived, clad in the prettiest dress that only made you look more….Ethereal, the spring morning only added to your loveliness. he suddenly felt the familiar scratching feeling in his chest, the same jealously that other people—people that can’t appreciate your beauty get to see you like this.

“Hey“ he greets, handing you the bouquet, “for you, these are your favorites right?” You look bewildered at the flowers but easily accept them, “Yes there are, thank you.” You take a moment to breathe in the scent of the flowers, “Wow, nothing beats real flowers…i’m surprised you remembered.”

“Of course i would, i pay attention!” a nervous laugh leaves him, he will never admit that it took Zayne mentioning one random day what your favorite flowers were to him, Caleb was surprised HE remembered but Zayne simply said ‘They had a garden, remember? those were the flowers planted by Mrs. Ln, always decorating their front yard.’ A gnawing feeling of annoyance and the scratching itching feeling (god it itches) that Zayne knew this was somehow pissing him off, but he simply smiles ‘oh yeah?, i’ll keep that in mind then.’

He won’t tell you that, of course. He will take that secret to the grave.

You both talk about life and whatnot, conversation flows easily between you two, like nothing ever happened. Did it really?

He notices your gaze drifting to his muscles and he smirks inwardly, he made the right choice to wear the muscled tee today—despite freezing his nips off, (the weather is still too cold, it’s literally March!) he can’t help but feel proud, did you like them? He worked so hard for them. his muscles flexes a bit--enjoying the way you drank him in, please look at them more..…! He’s satisfied at the way he makes you feel.

Right after lunch he walks you to your classes, you two continue this pattern, he waits outside your classroom to walk you to your classes, and your classmates start joking you have a protective doggy/bodyguard now, you roll your eyes at that.

You don’t see mc around to which you ask, he tells you she’s in a different college and you kick yourself for even feeling happy about that, Caleb was in the aviation course while zayne was in pre-med, their towering buildings right next to each other.

Yours was botany, which funnily enough--was right behind theirs.

…

Days pass and you continue like this, he goes to his classes after walking you to yours, joins you for lunch in the gardens where you tell him fun facts about plants while he stares adoringly at you before walking you again to your classes til the day ends.

He invites you to his room to have a cup of coffee on the last day of the week and you make your way over to his dorm. He mentions having a roommate but he didn't tell you who…

Which is why you blame him for this, you honestly did not mean too, you knocked on his door twice! You thought it was Caleb you heard telling you to enter so you did— you didn’t expect to see zayne of all people--!

In nothing but a towel….!

To which you accidentally slammed the door right into with a loud ‘SMACK’, to your horror he loses his grip on the towel(ooh la la) around his waist and everything suddenly moves in slow motion before the feeling of his warm, chiseled body presses against you.

Oh shit—he was hugging you.

“Do not look down” he warns, the door closes behind, the automatic lock clicking in, eh? was the door not locked earlier?

“Ooh hey yn you’re finally here!—yo what the fuck?!” He squawks behind you two, Zayne looks between you two and connects the dots “ah i see, well anyway, since the puppy is here, grab my towel will you?” He gestures down with a nod of his head. Your heated face won’t go down from it’s temperature, you’re sure it’s flushed bad.

His body smells soooo good after a shower (yn keep calm, deep breathes), was that apricots and aftershave?? and his body…it was sooo warm against your body and his muscles felt so defined, you could feel it through your several layers of clothing. you refuse to believe he had an ice evol, he was too warm. He lets go and the slight disappointment that you feel makes you wanna put yourself in jail.

Zayne tighten the knot in his towel. “sigh.. i do hope you tell me—in advance if people are coming over.”

“Im so sorry zayne—!”

“Not your fault, the puppy was the one not listening.”

“Puppy?” You blink, you between them, was there a…dynamic going on? “Don’t think too much on it” he chuckles, walking away to get dressed. “oh and yn?” You turn to him, “it’s nice seeing you again” a rare smile graces his lips and you smile back, returning the greeting.

Going back to your dorm after that exhausting day you collapse on your bed, letting out a scream, you were not expecting to see zayne of all people butt-ass naked (well not really) before your first-real relationship!…and then there was Caleb who acted real weird after Zayne left for an evening class, he kept fidgeting around and asking you if you liked guys with muscles before randomly taking off his shirt cause he felt hot.

The ac was on full blast, but you didn’t wanna say anything to that.

You go to sleep dreaming of glistening abs and warm hugs before waking up, it’s a weekend so there isn't any class, you walk to the campus cafe that was—thankfully open for 24-hours to get a cup of coffee only to see Zayne sitting there in your usual spot, you remember yesterday’s events and feel the heat rush to your face before going to the counter and quickly ordering what you needed, you think about an idea for a moment before deciding to order his favorites.

You hope it’s still the same.

Zayne looks up when he sees a plate of macarons being placed on his table “I’m sorry but I didn't order—“

“No!” You blurted, thrusting the delicate plate of macarons in his direction.

“it’s for yesterday…an apology of sorts sorryforalmostseeingyounaked.” you nervously cough. He lets out an amused ‘huh’, “it’s quite alright, I thank you for them,” you turn to leave before he stops you. “I don’t think it’s bad to have company to share these, won’t you spare me the time?”

You end up joining him for an early lunch, talking about anything and everything,

“how have you been?”

“How’s life?” , “what about your family?” All that good stuff.

“oh you know, been here and there—“ you chuckle, you basically give him a run down of what happened in your life. He gives you his condolences upon hearing about your family situation, words flowed easily between you two, like melting ice in a mocktail on a warm summer’s day, you didn’t expect to click so well with him after a not-so-bright childhood “You know, I always thought you hated me..” You suddenly remember the terrible thoughts you’d get when alone all those years ago before he left, this was one of those.

He blinks at that, you inwardly coo at how cute that looked. “ Now why on earth do you think that?“ You nervously start blinking now “oh—i—i just thought..”

“You shouldn’t assume yn.” he chastises you gently, “I had never hated you..” his voice was soft, “I don’t know what or who made you think that but i’ve never held any negative feelings towards you yn” you shiver at the way your name rolls off. It’s tongue its honestly so erotic…No! Inwardly slapping yourself for being shamelessly aroused so early in the day, he was literally comforting you dammit!

“i’m sorry for assuming..” you sheepishly say, “i don’t forgive you” he turns away, “huh?” you gaped, “if—-you want me to forgive you, then join me again when you have the time,” he lets out a breathy chuckle-almost similar to a laugh. God he was so dreamy..had he always been this kind?? “We have much to catch up on..”

oh shit was THE ZAYNE LI..…flirting??

With…….you??

—————————————————————————————————————————

This became your new norma in the upcoming days, you often had either zayne or Caleb—or both join you for cafe time or friendly dinners at their dorm that sometimes lead late into the night, prompting Caleb to use this opportunity to let you use his room for the night, “i’ll take the couch!” He’ll say with a beam, mind already running with the thought of you in his bed, wearing his clothes,rolling around in his sheets, marking your territory by leaving scent all over his bed….

He burns his hungry imaginations with thoughts of boring deadlines, project and his naked 60-year old professor—ew. Well at least that got rid of it but feeling eyes on him he sees zayne giving him a disapproving look, already knowing exactly what Caleb was thinking “bad puppy…” he whispers before retreating away To his own room for the night.

Fuck he feels his loose pants tighten…

Ah shit..

His face goes red but quickly he tries to calm down—seriously he needs to stop blushing around this man, you might start thinking he’s got a thing for men! Or maybe he does? What’s that term called again? When you swing both ways—

Goodness he needs to stop thinking….

———————————————————————————————————————-

Spring has arrived and you decided to invite the resident ice king zayne to join you in a cat cafe, a fresh change from the same rotating spots, you see a deck of kitty cards and convince him to play, with a bet to buy whatever the winner wants and you fail miserably, anger turning into begging and bribing, promising zayne an extra super duper ooey gooey deluxe parfait if he doesn’t—please don’t!—don’t put that blue card in there!

Ugh!

You lost 7 humiliating times, and Zayne enjoys his 7th consecutive win with 2 slices of custard cream cake.

All out of your pocket of course, you know you’ll be leaving feeling a little lighter than you last entered. of course Zayne being the gentleman that he is—refused at first, not wanting to make you pay for him but you rebuked by mentioning the many times he’s never made you pay for anything, besides you noticed him eyeing the cake display for a while… you quit mentally sobbing for a bit, instead focusing to observe zayne eating.

To be honest? He looks so unapproachable and cold from afar but here? Right now? He’s as sweet so the spoonful of cake he’s leaning towards you—

“Huh?” You slightly back off, dazed eyes focus on what’s in front of you.

HGe’s trying to feed you?

“You were staring enviously at my winnings…. so i thought i’d let you have a bite” smug bastard as though he heard, a smirk upon his handsome face, “don’t want it?” He waves it a bit as though trying to entrance you with the delicate delight, “it’s one of their best sellers, layers of soft spongy vanilla cake smothered with the fluffiest whipped cream that’s not too sweet, topped with a generous layer of the richest, smoothest and creamiest custard you’ve ever had.”

Your eye twitches at his taunts, with a sigh you allow his antics and take the bite, the burst of flavor that caught you off guard, that before you could stop it, the cutest little, “mm!” Left your mouth.

Zayne’s eyes widen and his pulls the spoon a little too fast.

You chew with your eyes closed, not aware of the problems you’ve just caused him, he swallows, was the room getting hotter of all a sudden? “mmmm~! You were right Zayne~ that’s easily one of their best sellers!” You grin, he stares at you for a moment before reaching out and wiping off the cream on your lips.

“You’re a big girl now, aren’t you? Surely you know how to eat like one..” his eyes looked heavy as they rested on you, it suddenly felt like he was looking through you, a tongue licks up the cream on his finger, yet he eyes never wavered from your form, “so..messy.”

You gulped was he—? “Are you saying that i’m a child?”

“No but you have the mentality of one.”

“W-well, you pulled the spoon too fast!”

“Oh so.. it’s my fault?”

“No!—i mean yes! well…ugh-!’ You turn away from him in a pout, he chuckles you were definitely a hamster, so easy to anger and cheeks very munchable as Caleb had said, he eyes them with mirth, he wonders if they’ll be as sweet and fluffy as the cakes he consumes.

You both laugh it off a bit before a gentle silence washes over you both.

“Hey Zayne,” you sudden ask, tone very different to the previous conversations, “Why do you… wanna be a cardiologist? I mean—you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but—! I just…i’m just curious.” He pauses for a bit, mulling over the answer, it took him a while before he answered, “At first i did so to help someone dear to me..” putting down his spoon, “to honor a promise i made her..”

Was it mc? You bitterly thought, was she also the center of his universe?

“But,” he continues, “I found that being a cardiologist requires more that just promises, it requires patience….morality, hard work, effort and…unconditional care for the ones whose lives will be at your mercy—-to bring forth the choice that will lead them to continue in this world…..or the next.”

The ugly feeling in you quickly disappears to be replaced with anger and disappointment, anger with yourself. How dare you assume his ideals and goals only pertains to one person?? This was zayne, whose heart is as soft as a marshmellow despite his cold exterior, he is a kind and gentle man that just wants to help those who are suffering from ailments that can be cured if enough research was poured into it.

Shame on you.

Up til now you still can’t stop comparing yourself to her.

“—bout you?”

“Huh?” His voice brings you out of the fog, “sorry, could you repeat that?”

“i asked what are you currently studying?” You blink owlishly, “Oh! Well… it’s not as seriously impressive as yours,” you laugh nervously, a hand coming up to rub at your arm, a bad habit that made it so obvious when you were nervous, “I..i want to be a botanist….or-or a florist, sometimes with flowers--i guess.” You take a deep breathe to calm your nerves.

“I really love flowers…the language of it, the way they grow and spread their seeds for new life..” you smile at the thought of your childhood garden, “their life cycles, how they evolve into many life forms! Some are parasites, and some are a big help for human consumption—such a chamomile for tea and roses for skin care.” you list off the benefits of flowers and the many ways they can be used and he listens intently, his pretty face resting on the palm of his hand.

”Also the smells!—trust me you’ve never truly smelt flowers until you’ve entered a room full of ylang-ylang!” You excitedly recount. a soft smile graces his lips, you were so animated thinking about your passions, “It’s a wonderful path.” Was all he said.

You close up immediately, embarrassed at going on a tangent “o-oh sorry, it seems i get too passionate about flowers..it’s not as great as being a doctor or surgeon tho,” an unsure laugh leaves you, scratching your arm to alleviated the feeling of nervousness, “I think that your course is a good path, it suits you very well—don’t you think?” Goodness this man was too charming for his own good.

“I see good husbands bringing their wives the most wonderful of bouquets on my shifts” he recalls, “the women always look so elated“ he pushes the remaining cake towards you, “ the children also love to gift the nurses flowers as thank yous” he hands you the spoon, “i believe it’s just as important as being a heart surgeon.” Looking you straight in the eyes, “after all, how do you thank someone for doing a good job? You give them flowers, it may nit seem like much but flowers take a while to bloom into their most beautiful and that takes time,patience and effort.”

”People with the kind of patience are usually the kindest i’ve ever met” his stare felt so soft you were melting, “flowers,—especially ones that convey how you feel are given for important occasions, when i graduated i was given a wreath of flowers, and when i saved a life, their family have given me flowers to congratulate, i still have them….” His hands clasp together, “…and when people die, flowers are given to mourn them..” he continues staring at you,

“A last goodbye of everything they wanted to say…”

“So don’t say it isn't as important, flowers is the language of feelings we use when we can’t say what we want through words.” he assures you and a feeling of warmth passes through you. You silently thank him for understanding you.

When you close your eyes before going to bed, a flash of his smile and those words… reverberate in your head.

You slept soundly that night.

————————————————————————————————————————

Caleb suddenly surprises you on your way back to your dorm, it’s Tuesday, but your prof wasn’t able to teach the class due to an emergency so he allowed you all an early leave today and you planned on spending it lounging like a sloth but Caleb had other ideas “Let’s go to the arcade!”

“Huh? there’s one nearby?” He grins, “ nah, but that’s why i’ve got a car!” He wiggles his car keys at you and grabs your hands, “So? let’s go!”.

“Like right now?’

“Yes right now!”

And that’s how you ended up in the passenger seat of his car, in a car that was meticulously clean, smooth black leather seats that felt cool under your fingertips, with Caleb‘s musky scent all over, permeating the air and filling your lungs with himhimhim—

“You okay?” He asks, glancing over “You’ve been quiet for a while..”

“Just….thinking” you lean against the window, watching buildings pass by, “ thinking huh?” He hmmm “I’ve also been thinking..” he lets that question stew a bit before continuing, “I saw you and zayne the other day..i-in the cafe?” He glances over to see your reaction, “I was wondering you guys were talking about..”

“When was that? We’ve been t so many cafes together, you’re gonna have to be a little more specific”,

His hand tightens on the wheel, ‘you’ve been with him more than he knows?’, ‘where did you go with him?”

“Uh…the one called destiny cafe?”

“Oh right!” You laugh a bit, he looks at you from his peripheral, “sooo…what were you guys talking about? You were laughing so much that day i almost thought you were cough a lung out.” You snort at his comment.

“Just you know…..things” you reply “things Huh?” Purple eyes glanced at you from the corner of his eye. “Yeah…” your answer ended the conversation. Hands tightened around the wheel, there’s a feeling in his chest thats really annoying him. “What…kinda things?” He swallows, why was he so curious? “Nothing interesting, just catching up on stuff.” What stuff? He wonders, were you talking about him to zayne, do you even think of him at all?

He does, he thinks about you all the time.

In fact he never stops, you’re all he thinks about from the moment he opens his eyes til late at night when he breathes in the scent of you on his pillow. He dreams of you, craves you in ways you’ll probably call him a freak for but he can’t help it, you made him like this…

You arrive at the arcade in 20 minutes, it was cute—with bouncy music that was a mix of sound effects and stereo, and the bright colors that blind you with it’s many lights. Clearly it had the style of arcades in the past, almost 20 years ago, this was considered retro right?

The feeling of Caleb’s warm hand engulfing yours drags you out of your thoughts, pulling you in, “come on!” He gives you a bright smile, the same charming smile he always had.

Both of you have fun with the many games there, finding the ones you used to play and reminiscing about the past, it was nostalgic and oh so bitter at the same time. Caleb looks happy yet you can’t help but feel cheated, after all the memories you have of these places weren’t the same as the ones Caleb has. However he doesn’t feel the same, instead he is filled with so much happiness just being around you, he knows he loves you, but seeing you smile so bright through the glass of the claw machine, only solidifies the feeling even more.

You walked back to the dorms with three plushies that day.

“I missed out on a lot, huh?” He says, handing you the last one he won, after sneakily using his evol to get it since the claw machine was surely messing with him. “I’ll get you more the next time we come here, you deserve one for every month you’ve been gone..”

….

Yet despite the seemingly happy day, Caleb can only seethe in jealousy at how close you and zayne had gotten in such a short time, he notice how you talk so freely around zayne but as soon as you’re around him, it’s like you clam up, didn’t you agree that you’d work to be better friends?! Why were you treating him like a stranger?

He’s been trying to bridge the gap between you two for weeks now! but it’s like there’s a wall, one he keeps trying to break and you keep on building…

He wonders if it’s too early to confess, don’t people usually fall in love within a week?

“I’ll tell her my feelings clearly this time,” he decides to finally bring it all to a conclusion on valentines day. He had a conversation mc who had another trip planned with her girlfriends, wishing her luck and safety, he is alone once more when the call cuts off. He begin the preparations.

On the day of valentines day and the whole school is decorated in red,white and pink, there’s events and booths strewn all across the campus and you had fun strolling around with your friends, then at the end of the day Caleb calls you over to meet him outside.

You leave the premises and see him waiting by his car, you get in his car and ask him “Where are we going?” He leans over to put on your seatbelt for you, you blush feeling his warmth and cologne wash over you. “Somewhere…special.”

“On valentines day?” You raise an eyebrow, “where’s mc?” The car roars to life when he turns the ignition on, “shes on a trip, not coming back for 2 weeks i think.” The two of you arrive in a familiar pathway and you realize it’s the path for your secret spot, walking up the hill with him brings up sweet memories, you’re surprised to see a picnic set up “Oh my—Caleb, when did you plan this?”

He rubs the back of his head “ ahhaa a few days ago?” He brings you forward and sits you down, the food laid out were all your preferred tastes, and you both goes through your happy childhood—nothing sad, just your usual childhood tales, like Caleb being chased by the neighbour’s dog or when he dared you to eat grass. You still remember the taste….

Just fun times.

While eating the sandwiches he prepared. You see a look in Caleb’s eyes and ask him, “what did you really bring me here for Caleb?” He stops chewing, swallowing it down with an audible gulp “I wanted to take about the past.” you frown “ i thought we were past that..”

He shook his head “I thought we were, but it feels empty…. like I was putting on a show for you, I need to apologize properly yn…..being tipsy kinda ruined it and i probably wasn’t in my right mind so i need you to understand yn.” he turns to you, facing you with his heart ready and bare, “I can’t speak for mc but know that I was first and foremost—-the worst and most terrible boyfriend ever, I couldn't do the basic of things to show you love, gestures that show i care and respect you, I kept blowing you off and treating you like a second choice,” he flinches at those words, it felt like acid admitting it, he swallows his dry mouth before releasing a breathe,

“And I know that it’s because of mc that I couldn’t spend time with you, I may have made it looked like I favored her more than you, but i hope you understand that it isn’t the case,”

“It sounds like i’m trying to defend myself but….b-but I--just got used to taking care of her since we were children….as—as she had a heart condition you know? she wasn’t like us, I remember panicking so much when she collapsed one day while we were playing so I always worry about her health, always looking out for her as I promised her parents i would, i was so scared that one day she would call and i’d never answer and that would be the day she—…” he stops talking, the words were heavy, dampening the mood, you want to feel bad but you can’t, all you feel is annoyance that he won’t drop it, that he just can’t stop mentioning her while you both were trying too just enjoy a nice day out.

‘Call me petty, but this is too much,’ you scrutinize him.

“I thought that it was okay because you knew her condition, but I suppose it wasn’t always fair,“ he is sniffling now, “and i know that’s no excuse, i know it doesn’t make up for all the pain and hurt i’ve given you but it’s all i got, it’s all i can give and i’m going to continue making up for it til i’ve earned your forgiveness and you grant it to me on your own terms.”

His face is full of tears by the time he was done, you found yourself becoming soft-hearted at the sight of his tears, you knew about her condition but you never knew Caleb had subjected himself to such a responsibility when he was so young, he never told you about this, what would have happen if something did happen to her?

Will he spend the remainder of his days blaming himself? Was that why he was so adamant about being with her at all times?

With those words said and letting him speak his side, you both toast to a better future and to make sure to graduate together. As friends.

Of course that doesn’t sit well with Caleb, but he couldn’t tell you he was falling deep in love and swallowing down the ugly feeling of jealousy and envy at the same time.

—————————————————————————————————————————

He notices you and Zayne hanging out more and more without him, and the jealousy only rises, another time in a gazebo, looking all romantic and close together and his head starts spiraling out of control, he keeps his presence around you even more than before and you let out a joke that mc must’ve—loosened her hold on him.

He lets out another apology and you awkwardly accept.

But it all goes down on March 14th.

White day.

And zayne surprises you with a box of chocolates, ”Thank you” you happily accept, knowing why he had given you the box. A reason for his seemingly ‘romantic’ gesture.

But Caleb didn’t,

All Caleb saw was Zayne making his move and pushing himself forward to take his place in your heart.

And he wouldn’t have that.

He didn’t know that all Zayne wanted was to return the favor of accompanying him to the Valentine themed cafe 3 weeks into February, it was still there despite valentine’s day already ended but it seems Zayne had yet a chance to sample their holiday treats. You had seen him staring dejectedly at a menu plastered on a wall, walking to stand behind him and see what was so interesting, you stifle a laugh seeing what he wanted,

Limited edition valentine themes dessert.

That was only available for couples.

Yikes

You nudge his shoulder, you then point to the poster and tell him with great enthusiasm,

‘I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend!’ He blinks at your sudden appearance before his eyes dart back to the poster, it was silent for a while and you inwardly grimace that you may have overstepped your boundaries but he lets out a soft smile before thanking you, you join him inside and as soon as you enter he gets busy ordering everything off that menu.

“Wow capitalism has won your over huh?” you joke. “Business is business.” he simply replies before stuffing his face.

Caleb didn’t know that.

Zayne never told him you helped him buy desserts, Zayne didn’t think it was important enough to tell him.

Which was obviously a bad idea.

Caleb‘s promise to stay as friends deteriorates as he spirals deeper into his own madness. He calls you over without prior notice and the lie easily leaves his lips,

“Caleb?”

“Hey!…uh can you come over?”

“Oh, is there something wrong?”

“Oh no..n—nothing at all—! Ahah… i— i just…need your help…with something..” there a short silence before a soft plea leaves his lips, “..please..”

You enter his dorm, door coincidentally unlocked… then you see him standing.. by the large window you love looking out of when coming over, it had the best views yet now—

It made him look so—menacing…

“Caleb?” You cautiously walk closer, step by step,

Step by step

“Are you…ok?” Your hands anxiously rubs at your arms again. Each second that passes by in silence makes the quiet room feel so much more eerie.

“You know…” his voice starts, completely different from the one on the phone, on the phone it felt panicked, scared….this one felt charged, determined.

what is wrong with him?

“I thought…” he finally turns to you, his piercing purple eyes seem to pierce through you, as though looking into you, “that i would be okay….with just being friends.” He starts walking forward, “i thought i was okay with what you wanted, that it was fine after everything that had happened…..after all i deserved it.”

Closer and closer..

He was getting closer.

Your heart was beating fast, the sound reverberating in your ears as you force yourself to stay still and not take a step back every time he moves his foot forward. “I really…really tried, you know?” He laughs to himself, a hand coming to clutch at his face in pain of sorts, “I tried respecting your boundaries, listen to your wishes and all that… but not being around you when you were right there felt worser than not seeing you for almost a year!”

“I thought i was fine letting you go, i—i- thought we were gonna be okay..but it can’t—“ he was gasping now, his large frame already reached you, thick hands coming to grab you by the arms, his grip hurt.

Tight, too tight.

“Caleb—-you’re hurting me!”

“Can’t you see yn?! I can’t live without you, I see you everywhere, your smile, your laugh, the taste of you….i can’t take it that everyone gets to see it all!” it’s like he couldn’t hear you, too engrossed in the ramblings of a madman in his supposedly ‘love’.

“I need you like air…it’s so hard to think when i can’t find you and it drives me crazy, knowing you give the same goddamn attention to everyone else, and now i see that zayne has been around you too much,” he sneers, moving his face closer to yours, eyes searching for something.. what was he looking for?

“Do you like him more?, what is it about him do you like? Cause I can be better, and I will be better than him so—-just tell me!” He damn nears wails at you, it’s like caleb was replaced by someone else and now he’s sobbing, meanwhile you’re getting whiplashed by his terrifying change of emotions at the flip of a switch terrified you.

This wasn’t Caleb. Caleb never acted like this,but the unmistakable face that you’ve known for years begs to differ, “I love you…” he whimpers, “Not like a friend—-I love you more than that yn…so please……choose me..” rough hands grasp your face, holding you in place, “And I know you love me too..i’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t see you..” his body is pressed flush against yours.

You can’t move, his theatrics has you too stunned to speak. But then he does something that takes the fucking cake.

He kisses you.

You don’t register it as first, the slamming of his soft lips against yours, meshing your mouths together but you don’t move a muscle it’s only til he tries to push his tongue in that you regain your sense of consciousness and push him away with all the strength you could give against his 6ft toned body. And he has the audacity to look shocked as though silently asking ‘Why would you do that?’

You on the other hand is for no better words—shocked, dumbfounded even—by these…sudden declarations of love, where the hell was this coming from? He has never showed interest in you and you’ve agreed—swore even! To stay friends and he said yes! What happened to that? Why was this happening now? “Caleb what is going on with you?” You start backing away. “Where is this coming from?” Voicing out your concerns over whatever the hell is happening right now.

“Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are to decide who I spent my time with?” He stares at you in despair, struggling to answer, the potent feeling of jealousy and love running through his veins like molten lava, the feeling swirling in his chest like a painful wheeze and rotting his brain. All he can think about is what you two were doing when he wasn't around—did you kiss??

Have you held each other like lovers did?

Did he make you laugh til your sides hurt?

Did you have sex?

Did he get to taste you?

His was seeing red but the sound of your voice screaming pulls him out of his reverie,

“Caleb I don't know what the FUCK you’re going through but whatever it is you’re trying to do? it won’t solve it!” Your eyes helf anger as you stare at him from his pitiful position on the living room floor, ”You don't get to decide my feelings and beg me to love you, not right now, not after what happened between us!” your eyes are teary, he wishes he could kiss your tears away, get up and brush them with his fingers before leaving soft pecks all over but his body refuses to move.

“You don't have the right to demand anything of me…” his heart breaks at the crack in your voice, a telltale sign you were about to cry, you turn to leave.

In three quick steps he gets up and reaches you right before you grab the door handle, he pulls you to his chest, the warmth from his front has never felt so comfortable yet unwelcoming at the same time “I—i wasn’t trying to control you yn…i-i just….” he whimpers, holding you tight, his face burying itself into your nape, his warm breathe splays across your neck, sending shivers all over ‘my feelings—-are all over the place...right now.” his mind was bouncing back and forth between memories, all those times as friends and then as a couple, it never seemed different, never had changed yet why it is now that his feelings are everywhere and nowhere all at once?

Was it zayne who triggered it? Or he just couldn’t take the thought of anyone being more important to you than him?

….

You stop struggling after hearing those dreaded words, you can’t help but curse him in your head, curse him for never letting you have some peace in your heart, for not allowing you to quietly get over him.

“So even after all that speech you still don't know what the fuck you want?!” You angrily spat, “Caleb, stop fucking around with people’s feelings, giving them mixed signals a—and—and stupid shitty spiels about loving them, wanting them, needing them when you don’t actually know what the fuck you even want from them—!”

You pull away from him in spite, practically shoving him back from the sheer anger surging all over your body. “DON’T screw with me Caleb~! I’VE HAD ENOUGH!”

At this point you’re crying, angry tears freely flowing down your cheeks, “I’ve love you for years…! And never once had I force you or begged you to love me! I waited for you to come to me….” your heart’s beating so fast it’s all you can hear, “I’ve loved you in silence and never once made you feel guilty for not loving me the same way—so don’t you dare pull that shit on me!” you screamed at him, voice hourse with holding back to effort to just sob your heart out.

He stands there, body frozen at the volume of your voice.

“It’s not fair…it’s not fair at all, why should i listen to what you want? When you never gave me the time of day all those years ago?” The feeling of exhaustion wrecked you, the feelings welled up in your heart was waiting to burst but you hold still, you won’t break down here.

“I—waited….for so long….for just a chance.”

You wipe your eyes and stand up straight. “So you better get your FUCKING shit together and just sort them out for once in your life.” your tone was heavy, a finality. “Or else you can say goodbye to EVER speaking to me again.” You slam the door in his face,

His heart shatters along with it.

END

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Previous / Next

Izzy notes -damn…okay roller coaster of emotions aside, tell me what you think?, i know it took a while but this waas previously 25k words lol, i really had to cut down on some parts—-so we’re gonna end up with 6 chapters instead HAHAHAAHAH. Anyways tell me what you think? Caleb didn’t go through trauma like he did in the game so he’s more emotionally unstable with love like any normal jock in college lol—(not my zaynie boo tho) his feelings are a whirlwind cause he’s caught in the past of friendships and relationships and the future. He’s confused but instead of letting those feeling grow properly he wants to bulldoze it which is why yn is very uncomformtable with how..forceful he is what trying to make things right.

TAGLIST: I WILL ONLY TAG THOSE THAT EXPLICITLY SAY THEY WANT TO BE TAGGED, I WON’T TAG YOU OTHERWISE TO AVOID ISSUES.

Since that night you sneaked off, the man you once called yours virtually kept trying to get you to talk. Trying to progress your relationship to whatever next level fantasy he’s conjured up in his head…Oh and also help with your pronunciation. Well….he was more of the former.

That was until..

He decided to host a party in his mansion for a collaboration with another business, some drink you offhandedly remember him talking about, Sounds of the buzzing voices, hastened footsteps of servants running across the huge house to prepare the upcoming evening event in a structured manner. You wanted to take a peek—just a little but fear holds you tight within that room and it’s four walls.

The party had long started when the sun had began to set but you stayed in your room, ears prickling to the muffled voices you can slightly hear past the door and down the stairs where the life stayed. You don’t join in the festivities, with the minuscule feeling of dread to seeing familiar faces and lingering memories of pain yet this man still buys you a…. dress.

It was white.

Absolutely gorgeous.

A dress so beautiful and extravagant you feel unworthy of even thinking of putting it on. Hand-beaded pearls and jewels decorated the floor-length dress, multiple layers of cloth and ruffles overlap each-other beautifully, it was modest—covering up parts that didn’t need to be seen yet there’s fabric that cinched perfectly against whatever curves one may have. When you saw the mannequin in your room with that dress on, you wondered of it’s purpose, fingers brushing against the expensive fabric.

“I want you to wear it,” his voice sounds from behind, you gasp, quickly turning around. You didn’t hear him, then again…

It’s what he was good at.

“I’m sorry” he apologizes, “I won’t force you to but…I just..want to see you in it.” He rubs the back of his neck nervously. “J—join…thum…?” You asked gesturing to below the house, where the party was still ongoing, “Oh, no no. You don’t have to join them—us. You can stay here if you want. It’s.. the dress isn’t for that..” he gulped, like he was having trouble saying the words he really wanted to say. “I’m sorry—again.” He sighs, “You—nevermind…it’s selfish of me to even ask you that.” He was muttering to himself before standing up straight to look at you. “Sorry, I’ll just….leave you alone for now.” He turned to walk away, to leave—get out and let you be for at least a few hours before he came to bother you once more….. and you should’ve let him go. Be happy that he wasn’t bothering you. In fact you should’ve made him leave as soon as possible.

Perhaps then…you could have avoided what happened that night. And the other nights.

“Wu—wa-it…” you finally speak out, your voice so quiet one would have to strain their ears to hear, a little part of you hoped he didn’t hear you, but the cease of his footsteps tells you differently. He turns, a smile you don’t what to decipher the meaning of sitting handsomely on that face of his. “Yes?” Instead of replying with words, you hold onto a sleeve of the dress, you can feel the heaviness of the jewels sewed into the cuffs of it, how much did this cost?

“You’ll wear it?” He asks hopefully. You stand there for a moment—hesitation evidently in your body language but you nod. That smile grows ever larger.

Due to the dress being so heavy, with a zipper to the back, he had to help you in it—of course letting you have a few moments to yourself put it on first before helping you zip it up.

He turns around once you were done, where he comes face to face with the bare skin of your back.

He stared at it for what seemed like hours, skin that was exposed to him, you stood still waiting for him—a few minutes pass and you let out a noise of confusion, “a-ah..sorry I forgot it had some parts to fix before I zip it up, let me do that first yeah?” He lets out a shaky breath when he realized something.

You weren’t wearing a bra.

At least he didn’t remember leaving you any, he assumed the maids had it covered but….

He bites his lip taring at the exposed skin welcoming his eyes, lowering his gaze til it rests to the bottom of the zipper, where a sliver of your undergarments was exposed and Fuck—he was hard. Fingers absent of their usual gloves shakily trace the sides of your body—you being none the wiser—you don’t know how intricate dresses of this world works, the ones he had gifted you before were simple enough yet this dress seemed very important and extremely expensive—if the diamonds and crystals decorating the hem of your neck wasn’t enough.

Brandishing you like a fine victim for criminals from a mile away with how brightly they sparkled under the chandelier hanging above you both.

You didn’t want to anger him by accidentally breathing too much and ripping a stitch that could cost you more than you could ever afford to pay. Yet you didn’t know how the man behind you, a man usually composed and stoic—never once batting an eye or taking a glance to the many women who yearn for his affection, is doing his best to not beg you to let him lay his kisses along your feet. Holding back from kissing the ground you walk on. Trying not to whip out his cock to release all over your soft back—it aches and throbs beneath his slacks and he knows he won’t last long if he stays with you any longer.

Quickly he zips it up, finishing the end details like pinning the flowers and tying up the ribbon that rests above your bum. He steps back, allowing you space to turn around for him.

His breathe hitches.

Already knowing how pretty you are from the dresses you obediently wore for days, he knew it would look gorgeous on you. But seeing you in his Mother’s wedding dress blew him away. You fit her perfectly he thinks, remembering his mother’s words

‘The perfect woman for you would be one who can fit into my wedding dress perfectly!’

That is your sign, she said. And now… here you are, literally dropped onto his doorstep like a gift from above—one that he abused so cruelly before—Oh but he’s changed!

He knew now, that you are the one for him.

His other half.

His one and only.

You were sent to complete him.

Fidgeting in place a little, you wonder if it looks bad, he’s been quiet for awhile now you think, not knowing the eureka he has just experienced just looking at you. “Umm…” you start, he blinks, “O-oh! Hah..sorry, got caught off guard by how.. Beautiful you look in it.” You hate how that made your scared little heart flutter. “Can you do a little twirl for me?” he requests softly, like a pet you obey, slowing turning til you’ve made a complete 360.

“Gorgeous.” Nodding his head in approval, “I also have the shoes to match if you’d like?” At that you shake your head no. you’ve already let him play dress up and that’s all you’ll give him tonight.

You hope.

He deflates a little, it’s almost hilarious but you can’t find it in you to laugh. “Well..that’s okay, here—come to the mirror so you can see for yourself.” with a hand to your waist, he leads you to the mirror floor length mirror across the room.

Holy shit, he was right.

You look gorgeous.

The dress fit you perfectly, glittering stones decorate you like a royal crown, you were right by assuming the dress cinched perfectly to your shape—wait yours? Well the dress did fit you to a T. You admired yourself in the mirror—not minding the weird man lovingly gazing at you from behind. You wonder if this is an apology from a higher power above. You’ve never felt this pretty wearing a dress.

Turning this way and that, you can’t find a bad angle at all!

It’s like the dress was… made for you.

Of course, normally you would assume that—he had the money afterall, but.. there was a certain…age to it. You don’t know why but you feel that this dress belonged to someone important once before….

“I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” he speaks up from behind, still admiring yourself you don’t turn to look at him, only nodding in response. After adoringly watching you for a few more minutes, he leaves.

———-

“You seem to be busy nowadays huh?” One of the many faceless men jokingly asks him, “Is there a…. missus we’ve never heard about?” Another pipes up beside him and in the response the crowd swirling around him laughs, “Oh nothing new, just something called…a job.” he deadpans.

The first man, he doesn’t remember his name but his red face was clearly a sign of his deep intoxication, “C’monnn~ you don’t have to hide it from us! Tell us, is she prettier than mine?” He nudges the man rudely, before pointing to his wife from across the room, wine sloshing in his cup due to how unstable he moves, “Hah! Forget about looks! How good is she in bed? She must be phenomenal with how much effort you spend to keep her hidden.” Another snickers, the men around them agree with hollers and jeers.

Of course, as ecpected from a party with heavy alcohol involved.

Animals. He sneers.

His eye twitches in response to those disgusting questions. Pigs, He internally scoffs at these pathetic men. “My good Sirs, it seems you have…. drunk your fill for the night, why don’t you go rest and….leave some for the rest of us, yeah?” Giving them his practiced smile, the men raise their own cups in agreement. Buncha yesmen.

Monkeys, another eye twitch. But he keeps the smile.

He can’t wait for this to be over.

——-

It’s finally over.

An exhausted sigh leaves his mouth.

After the party finally ends and the last guest departs, he leaves to return up to your quarters, the servants were left to clean up the mess left behind by unruly guests.

With a candelabra in hand, he walks up the flight of stairs to your floor.

The help don’t question their master and his sudden obsession with the pretty lady he keeps hidden in one of his many rooms. Knocking before entering to avoid another scare, he sees you still in the dress, all negative feelings leave him instantly, instead filling him with adoration one would have for a cute kitten—of course you were more than that to him.

“The party is over,” he starts, “I..” he clears his throat, “well—i know it’s..late but—” his hands goes to pull at his collar, “I would like to ask you….if you can join me for a dance?” You stare at him, a…dance? Something else he wants? You wanted to say No, you thought he was done for the night, he told you he would leave you alone.

Although you register later that it was a bad idea when you realized that you couldn’t take off the damn dress without his help.

So you decide that just for that night that you will…

Sleep in it.

But you haven’t been successful so far.

Like sure the jewels are hard as fuck and pinch you wrong sometimes but the fear of ruining it has rendered you sleepless yet now he was here—at first you thought he was here to help you take it off but instead he just wants another thing from you.

You should say no.

You nod your head yes. Fucking idiot. Your mind screams, you’re gonna get us killed!

“Can you…come with me?” A hand out for you to take, obediently you do. Why are you doing this? Why are you letting him do this?

Is this survival? Or are you still in love with the character you saw through a screen?

He brings you to a room at the end of the hall, it was unfamiliar, he lets you go for a moment to open it up, pushing the heavy wooden door to reveal a room much larger than yours, unlike the carpeted floors of your room. This one had polished floors instead— so shiny and clear you can see your reflection on it.

Leading you to a loveseat before a fireplace, you sit down, the material soft and comfortable underneath you. It’s been a while since you’ve sat on something quite as soft since you still vehemently refused to sleep on the bed in your room—too terrified to suddenly wake up to him above, just waiting for you to close your eyes so he can bring down the knife—so this is the first time you’ve felt such a soft cushion that wasn’t an armchair.

You hear him rummaging somewhere in the room but you fix your gaze to the burning flames before you.

Such warmth.

Soon his silhouette obscures your view and looking up, there’s a box in his hands. Kneeling in front of you, he opens the box—

It’s the heels you never bothered to wear.

It’s just as beautiful as the dress, all white and covered in diamonds—priceless gems, littered in like money wasn’t a problem for him. “I understand that you don’t want to wear it..but I would like to see you in them for just a while—just a few minutes, at least while we dance then you can take it off….please?” Refuse, he doesn’t deserve it, please say no—come on just this once say no…

SAYNOSAYNOSAYNO-

You nod. Pushing down the feelings of dread swirling in your gut and….lifted your right foot up.

Another uncharacteristic grin spreads across his face, taking out the shoe corresponding to it, his other hand gently cradles the heel of your foot. With no warning, he lifts it up before leaning down to kiss your toes one by one.

You freeze up but he doesn’t notice.

Starting from the littlest one, his lips tingle, each contact he makes creates mini electric shocks that travels from the tips of your toes to your back, making you grip at the seat beneath you. With the last kiss on the last appendage he slips on the shoe, before moving on to your left foot, giving it the same treatment. Gathering them both in his heavy palms he stares at them.

A perfect fit once again.

“Such beautiful feet,” he confesses, with one last kiss to each foot, he sets them down and gets up to bow at the waist. “May I have this dance?” You were still reeling from his alleged… fetish when you took notice of his awaiting hand,“but….no..so..und?” Pointing to your ear to wonder how you’re gonna dance without music.

A chuckle leaves him, “We won’t need any dear, just follow my steps.”

With slight hesitation you stand up and, despite the heels— he still towers over you, a clear distinction of the difference in size and strength that you know you can’t escape if he tried anything.

You purse your lips, wishing away the thoughts in your head before taking his hand—letting him lead you to the ‘dance floor’ which is just the large extra space behind the loveseat, both of you dance the remaining night away with him holding you delicately in his arms, the sweet hum of his voice as he sang a song to fill the silence between you.

He had a beautiful one—a voice you probably would’ve fangirled over for days if not for the history between you two. The whole time your gaze stays on the floor, trying to match his steps to avoid stepping on the dress or his feet though you wish you did step on his feet. Bare fingers, absent of the gloves he usually wears gently pull your face to look at him, forcing you to stare into the eyes you yourself have stared at for hours before dropping into this world.

Eyes that were once full of hatred and disgust—now only show pure love and adoration, without warning he leans forwards as if to kiss you—

Quickly turn your head so his lips meet your cheek instead, fear immediately grips you. Both bodies stop moving, the only thing illuminating the room was the roaring fireplace and the moon shining through the huge window that bathe you both in it’s shine. Was he going to get mad you didn’t let him kiss you? You begin to feel the sweat building up beneath the now-suffocating layers of fabric on your skin.

Soft he hums internally to himself.

Stepping back away from you. He admires you in the glowing moonlight—wishing he had one of those —’memory keepers’ he hears about in his travels through town so he can keep a remembrance of what you’d look like on your wedding day to him.

In turn you stare at him shrouded in the shadows of the room, a perfect parallel between you too.

A gentle hand grabs yours to lead you to a bed you never noticed—by now you realize this must be his room, sitting you down before once more kneeling before you, removing the heels one by one before going on to massage them. He asks you if you’re alright, merely nodding in reply—the conversation continues like this, with you barely responding with your mouth.

However what went from a normal conversation turned into another session where he releases his pent-up guilt and shame, pain and anguish racking through him as he recounts the day he murdered you, “May a creature as sweet as you never forgive,” he begs, pressing a weeping face to your lap, “All I want—all I deserve…is your ire,” he shudders, “Your anger, the hurt, to yell at me—anything and everything that you will grant me.” A strong hand grips yours—now sweaty in his grasp, bringing it to his face to kiss your fingertips, “Let me feel it, I will endure it all because I deserve it and now I realize..”

He turns his gaze up at you, looking more like a humble servant to a beautiful goddess than a powerful Lord, “That it is love that I feel deep within me, love that I cannot express in words alone, love that consumes me whole with thoughts of you.” He almost whimpers when you stroke his face, thumb brushing against a stray tear at the edge of his eyes. His breathe shudders and moving his face closer to your warm hand.

“And it’s with this love, that I promise to serve and protect you til the day I die, to love you until you tire of me and need me no longer. I will do anything and everything in my power to provide for you and anything it is that you will ever need.”

You can’t feel a thing. It’s the same song and dance for days—although he tells you it’s okay to take your anger out on him—have your revenge. You can’t.

You couldn’t raise a finger to hurt him—not then and not now. You don’t have it in you. You weren’t a violent person and despite your anguish—a plan to hurt him back never crossed your mind.

Was it survival?

God, You just wanted to get out and go live belong somewhere peacefully.

You sit there while he sniffles silently, other hand moving to stroke at his head—a stray thought musing on how soft his hair was, then without thinking, you lead his head to rest at your bosom—and like a dam was released within him, he begins to weep. At the sight of it, you feel your own eyes welling up with tears before they roll down your cheeks.

It was a few stray drops at first, ones you easily blink away, then non-stop tears pour out yet you don’t make a sound, instead you cradle him like one does a baby.

That night, the both of you sleep side by side for the first time.

———

Things changed after that night, becoming more tolerable—somehow and….normal for you at least. you don’t feel afraid of his sudden touches like you normally do and it seems he has noticed this—often pulling you into hugs or peppering you with kisses on your head, hands or even feet if you allowed him too.

Winter has come and you—surprisingly found it more comfortable sleeping next to him on your bed during the colder months, his body unnaturally warmer than most. He never tried anything, not once has he breached anymore than quick hugs and subtle kisses.

But it all escalated the one time you kissed him back, it was a quick one barely even a peck on his cheek yet his face went as red as the wine he often drank. He spent the whole day stuttering around you, his gaze unable to meet yours.

Of course that little action from you left him hard as diamonds—leaving to quickly relieve him multiple times a days like a horny teen in the many dark corners of his mansion, a desperate hand rubbing his shaft and remembering the soft feel of your lips…imagining it wrapped around his throbbing length—with a strangled groan, he cums hard, spilling his precious seed into a handkerchief you once used. He hastily cleans himself up before anyone sees.

He’s had to repeat this process a few more times later that day regardless.

You got used to doing that—leaving him a little kiss on his cheek every time he brought you breakfast or a gift, a little part of you was smug that you got this usually emotionless man to blush like lovestruck-teen.

Of course you didn’t know that he was secretly hoarding all the panties you’ve ever worn since living in that room.

Beating his aching meat to the scent of your precious cunt pressed to his nose every night without fail. Tongue licking up and down where your pussylips would have been smushed up against—tasting what little you gifted him.

Yet despite the orgasms wracking his body night after night, he was never satisfied. But he would never pressure you—He wouldn’t dare to even think to ask you. No matter how much he wants nothing more than to slam you onto his desk that night you both danced and pump you full of his seed. Or the days after when his head was filled with thoughts of putting you in a mating press and fucking you til you were leaking his cum for days, letting him clean up the mess with his tongue before shoving his cock back in to leave another heavy load deep in your surely tight cunt.

His body ached with need but his respect—or lack thereof for your privacy and guilt holds him back, he has no right to demand anything of you. Grateful for what little you bestow upon him. Keeping them in his heart like precious treasures. Which they are.

However one winter night changed the trajectory everything for the both of you. You had kissed him goodnight like you always did, however you left it on his lips instead of his cheek as usually. He was shocked, obviously. Almost dropping the tray holding what little remained of the dinner you both shared.

His eyes locked onto you, then without thinking, he drops the tray—glass shatters but he pays no mind to it. Moving to hold you gently as he kisses you back—it was desperate and wanting. Accepting it, you lean forward, pushing back and angling your head to meld your lips together, a moan escapes him—like he was finally rewarded of something he was deprived of for ages.

Hands travelled to your hips before moving to your thighs, with brute strength he lifts you, you instantly wrap your hands around his neck and your legs around his waist, the fabric of your dress bunching around your waist—you pull back to balance yourself but he chases your lips, “No, no please..come back” he begs, moving his head to connect your lips, your kisses were like air to him, he desperately explores your mouth with his tongue, coaxing your own shy one to dance with his, he carries you to the bed, never once leaving the lip-lock you were both engaged in—almost crushing you underneath his weight when he slams you both on it, slightly bouncing from the mattress resistance.

Tongues fighting for dominance he easily lets you win, moaning as you take what you want from him. You pull back, catching your breath. Panting is all the noise that echoes—you stare into his eyes, those eyes that once harbored such disdain.

Eyes that now look at you with such love it was laughable. You suddenly feel an itch.

You don’t know why but the memories suddenly flood through you, the pain and helplessness you’ve felt for weeks and months after his torture made you feel dirty.

Your fingers were itching for something. An urge you don’t know.

He simpers down at you, eager and patiently awaiting for your next move.

Your right eye twitches and without warning—you reach for it, soft fingers rest gently against his eyelid that closes as soon as he sees it approaching. You rub your finger over it, he realizes what’s going through your head and he smiles at your ‘idea’.

With ease, he picks you up and turns you both until you are now sitting on his lap, letting you feel the big, hard bulge pressing against your own embarrassingly weeping panties.

“Go ahead.”

With that answer, he enables you to do what you’ve been wanting to for days.

Your finger pierces his eye socket, digging around as though looking for something—what are you looking for? The blood pours from the wound you’re causing, staining your hands and his face a ghoulish red but his smile doesn’t drop, and not a hint of pain is present in his other eye, hands dutifully kept at your sides, massaging your hips with his thumbs as if to encourage you.

Without stopping, you push further-further-further. Feeling the ball of his eye and the fleshy sinew that would’ve had you disgusted but your mind is blank and your hand doesn’t stop gouging it outoutout til…

Pop!

It hangs there, his once beautiful eye is hanging by one fleshy thread, one that you easily yank off with your other free hand, staring at it now—you can’t help but compare it to the one he stole from you.

Looks similar, your mind blankly states.

The whole time he never lets out a sound of pain, not an ounce of movement to indicate that that he didn’t want this. You show him the eyeball—almost as if it was something you won rather than something you savagely took from him. Like he did you.

He gives you a small grin—almost proud, you move to drop it into the glass of water he always leaves you with by the nightstand. Watching the orb bounce around for a few moments before it stills. The eye moves to stare at you and you almost think it was alive.

Moving to pull your fingers out until a desperate, “No!” Leaves him, hand coming up to stop you from exiting the wound.

You freeze.

“No.” He says again, gently this time. “Do it more….please.” He was almost panting now, the blood pouring down his face made him more handsome somehow or maybe you’re just as sick as him.

“Make it so that it scars.…” Practically begging you, it was then you feel it, the bulge throbbing underneath you.

He was still hard.

As though the excruciating pain of having his eye pulled out—you know how that feels, was nothing. As though to reward him with his good behavior, you grind against him and he moans. You continue to prod around, moving your fingers and pressing against the soft flesh pumping blood beneath your fingers til he lets out a loud moan and you know he had just cum untouched. He slouches as though exhausted, and you pull out your fingers, staring at the blood covering your digits, you think of how dirty they are.

Your gaze move to his still open mouth, panting after such a toe-curling orgasm. Pushing them into his gaping maw, he eagerly sucks on them, gratefully looking at you with so much love he can portray in his now one eye.

You don’t feel a single regret.

——

The next day had everyone shocked at his ‘new look’, the eyepatch over his left eye had some people gushing with rumors over who could’ve destroyed such a handsome face. Rumors he instantly stilled with his harsh words and the many screaming victims in his basement who dared tarnish your precious ‘reward’ to him unknowingly.

When asked, all he answers that it was ‘an accident’ yet it was said with such fondness people wonder what truly happened, as if his eye wasn’t currently being kept with you. Like he didn’t go through such lengths to encase it in a container and preservation magic so you could always view it whenever you wanted.

Your lives had ‘suddenly’ …..improved, spending more time with him in his room, reading the many books that littered his shelves or having him read them to you by the fireplace when it got to cold to stay in your room.

He adores it when you invade his space.

Leaving your scent all over his sheets. Which he would huff all morning when you leave like an addict, strangling his oozing morning wood with the panties you ‘accidentally’ left in his room til he spills all over them like a wretched dog in a rut he can’t control.

Occasionally you both would go out for nightly walks and catch fireflies to keep in jars, sometimes you’d play hide and seek—you inwardly found it morbidly funny that he only had one eye to find with in the darkness.

Yet he always won whether he was the seeker or the hider.

—-

And one day, you called for him—your sweet voice spilling from your delicate lips.

His name.

The only thing you’ve gotten used to saying over and over without stuttering.

He still remembers the day when you spoke his name for the first time, he had instantly gone rock hard, body locking up before an orgasm shot through him.

He inwardly moans at the memory, even now as you got used to calling out his name—the effect hasn’t worn off, he doesn’t think it ever will as hearing you hum was enough to have him swell with desire. You speaking just his name instantly stiffens him with arousal, cocking already leaking pre like he hasn’t released for weeks yet he had just recently shot a load that morning when you rubbed your sock-covered feet all over it, all cute with lace flowers decorating the hem, alll over his disgustingly huge cock. Little feet massaging his worthless meat til you allow him to spill all over your delicate skin.

Before he begged you to let him use his tongue to clean up your dirtied up feet like a good dog.

Ah, good times.

Of course, you still didn’t let him touch you there, nothing beyond sweet kisses and heavy makeouts where his hands stayed at your waist like a gentleman despite the not-so-gentleman thoughts running through his head whenever your lips lock together in a dance that leaves him breathless and aching with desire for days.

Staggering to you, he kneels instantly, almost falling as he grips your dress.

Your breasts almost spill from the tight corset of your dress, creating a delicious view for his eyes only, yet his focuses his gaze on your eyes, beautiful and full of mirth. A delicate hand covered in many rings he’s gifted you clutches at your lower tummy, almost caressing it.

“What’s wrong, my love? Are you in pain?” His worried voice had you melting a bit—just a bit.

Before you lift your dress, another pretty one, in the colors pink and red. leaning back to help you push it further, “Is the wound here?” He comes face to face, to your white panties, an innocent color, yet the clear indent of your puffy clit from where he sucked it nonstop this morning was indecently still there. Pressed up as though seducing him for another taste—and his mouth waters for a second round til he notices something…

Blood.

There was blood where it should just be white where your slit was. At first, panic fills him. Thoughts of a hidden wound he never noticed causing you pain. About to ask you just that, he halts when he feels the slight shaking of your body and he realizes that you’re silently laughing.

Oh.

“Oh darling..” he murmurs, relief flooding him before nuzzling your thigh, “Have you started your monthly?” A nod tells him his guess was correct. Although you’ve had multiple periods throughout the months you’ve stayed in this mansion, you never once told him nor did he ask.

Months in the mountains had you finding ways to soak up the blood without the use of pads and if he ever noticed the missing expensive cotton sheets you’ve used and cut up to stuff in your underwear. He never commented.

But now…you don’t know why but you’ve decided to spare his poor sheets you know he’s had to replace multiple times—ones you know costs way too much for just bedsheets. Of course you wished you felt bad, but in a way it felt… cathartic. letting your ‘dirty’ blood stain his hard-earned money.

He feels grateful that you feel comfortable enough to let him take care of you even more, immediately asking you what you want him to do. “Would you like the maids to prepare you some food for strength? Or a warm compress perhaps? I heard it helps with stomach pains.” You shake your head no and he chuckles, “Well, I can’t read your mind my love, mind showing it to me?” slowly cupping his face with both hands before moving it to the top of his head—

And pushing it down into your cunt, right into his face.

His eyes widen, “My oh my….” He moans, breathing in the heady scent that is you, “Of course, my mistress, anything you need.” Mouthing you through your underwear before impatiently pulling it down to voraciously eat you out. Countless praises leave his lips while he pleasures you dutifully, moans of how your delightful taste and addicting flavor overflow in his mouth. Grinding his nose against your puffy clit, he nudges even closer as if trying to bury himself there—well he definitely wouldn’t mind dying right here, right now.

This was heaven.

He doesn’t stop sucking and licking you til you’ve reached your third orgasm, you wiggle for him to let go and he instantly moves away.

Face covered in blood and slick, he is filled with satisfaction. A grin is present on his face, showing off bloodied teeth as though he had just violently ripped into a bloody corpse, “Thank you, love.”

A happy sigh leaves him, “Oh I do hope you’re feeling better now.” A blush spreads across your face at his shamelessness but you nod down at him.

After that very incident where you had gifted him with a direct taste to your cunt for the first time, he became addicted, of course you still didn’t let his cock anywhere in you—he wasn’t worthy of that yet, or maybe never.

For now it was just a huge, useless hunk of meat that hung between his legs like a breeding stud.

One that—pathetically didn’t do any breeding.

Precious seed that could’ve been the next heir to his countless riches, heirs that people were waiting for, counting on to continue his prestigious bloodline—was spilled unapologetically daily at your command. He lets you do with him as you please, never once uttering a ‘No’ to whatever you wanted.

Did you want him to kneel before you for hours while he read to you? He’s already on his knees before you uttered a word.

Want him to eat you out every morning before you wake? a delicious toe-curling orgasm is the first thing that greets you in the morning, mouth obediently pleasuring you until you tell him to stop.

Are you in the mood to abuse his cock with whatever tool or torture method that piqued your interest that afternoon? He’ll provide you the tools and leave himself defenseless to your every touch.

—

One day he had come home to you, gifting him a handmade eyepatch in your favorite color—for the wound you preciously gave to him. He had eaten you out so ravenously that day, making you cum so many times you went cross-eyed. It was a miracle you could still feel your legs.

It was a known ’secret’ that you owned his very being. That you were now the new master of his everything. The holder of his heart and the owner of his soul.

He may be the lord of his mansion and countless faces that served him dutifully day and night, yet you are his one true goddess—his only reason for living.

The only reason he gets on his knees daily for worship, for confession,

For forgiveness.

Whether it’s between your legs where you bless him with your sweet juices, or letting him rut against your precious feet to get off like a desperate dog. And if he was really lucky, you would grant him with your golden shower, letting your sweet cunt release all over him when his begging finally pays off.

Dick hanging out of his pants untouched like an unwanted dirty thing, leaking all over the floor like an untrained mutt in heat while he licks up your pussylips, drinking up the slick and piss you allow him to. His lips latches onto your clit like a babe, sucking dutifully til you bless him with your cum, he comes just as hard as soon as your release hits his face. Cock twitching helplessly with every spray of cum that leaves his cockhead, leaving a nasty puddle underneath you.

He hopes you will order him to lick it up while you step on his head like the pig he is.

He loves the feeling of your spent filling his senses. Practically inhaling your cunt til you yourself have to yank him away lest he passes out due to the lack of oxygen entering his airways again.

He wants you to leave your mark all over him, permanent ones if you will, pleading you to press harder everytime you dig your nails ever so deep into his skin. Wishing you’d choke him til he lost consciousness and your marks are evident all over his neck which he’d wear proudly.

He wants you to break him.

God, he wishes you would just break him like he was nothing.

Reshape and mold him into the form that you desire.

And he knows it’s only a matter of time til you do.

He can’t wait for the day he truly becomes worthy of being ‘Yours’.

END

Taglist : Will not add unless explicitly said so:

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Imagining Phainon, Reaver and Khaslana being triplets with varying personalities. Phainon is the Campus’s resident golden retriever and the youngest triplet by 20 minutes, who would never say no to a helping hand and pay it back ten-hold, one who is never seen without a dashing smile that brightens up the whole room, a smile that won him many Mr- whatever competitions, and a nice little seat as the president of the student council. He was--no IS a kind man, girls swoon over his gentlemanliness and men can‘t help but gravitate towards him for a sliver of his talents- to be just like him.

and yet…..

underneath it all,

he is nothing but a filthy liar—a pervert who is unhinged and nasty. A creep, Dangerous and—

IT’S

ALL

BECAUSE

OF YOU.

A new student, lost and confused by the sheer architecture of the campus buildings, with it’s winding turns and similar halls, it’s only natural that you would have just happened to bump into him on your first day as a freshman.

where he. as your senior and one & only president insisted on touring you around despite his busy schedule which then turned into an innocent friendship of shared lunches and walking home together, little trinkets and snacks that he gifts you from your many conversations, then all of a sudden its trips to the beach, free tickets to the amusement park, and food court food taste-testings that seemed like dates but it wasnt right?

Phainon doesn’t see you that way, he was just a reallly, really, reaallyy nice guy who just happens to reach out a friendly hand to a new nobody like you..

Right?

Phainon didn't know when the obsession started. He just knew he loved you to unstable lengths, dangerous levels of love running through his veins at the mere thought of you, his nights ended with you in his mind and the first thing he imagines when he awakens, at first? the thoughts were fine, innocent—sweet even. he felt full, satisfied even with just a smile, but then—it just wasn’t enough anymore….. There was a gnawing in his chest that hungered—ached for more of you.

He needed something, something physical—something of yours. At first it was the little things—- things you wouldn't notice at first, a blue pen that you often use to sign your name with. Pencils that had your bitemarks all over the end of it, a habit you did when nervous over test papers until he quietly whispers the answers to you, a pink scrunchie with your precious hair still wrangled up it in for him to collect and sniff, your favorite lipbalm that tastes like mint, of course— he wasn’t always sneaky. You noticed that one when it had gone missing, your chapped lips a sign for some needed TLC how about his lips instead? but when phainon gifted you another one this time strawberry flavoured, you quickly forgot about it, he stole that one too.

Then it was your used tissues (And phainon is proud to say that he wasn’t ashamed that he dug through the trash for those) and that tiny bottle of perfume you never noticed go missing despite it being your signature scent, sweet vanilla and coffee, he had fun spritzing that on everything and anything that you soon noticed which almost, almost made him panic until you complimented his taste instead, you’re sooooo cutely naive~. He’s physcally holding back and mentally biting his fist, because he cannot get hard while walking the hallways with you. It’d ruining his good boy image after all.

But wait, there’s more.

Your socks, cute soft fabric with the kitty paw prints at the hem that somehow made you even more precious, thigh highs that fit snugly around your plush thighs that he can’t wait to sink his fingers into, leave bruises that prove his existence unto your skin, to bite and leave his mark all over you. Socks that he uses to jerk off his cock, enjoying the smell of the sweat-soaked cotton, just imagining you walking around with those sinful thigh highs makes his heads dizzy and mad with lust.

With all those he had stolen he created a shrine inside his closet, he only hopes his brothers dont notice. they do lol.

And yet it’s still not enough, he realises this while scrolling through his phone gallery that his phone with its shitty camera (not really) could not capture the pure form of your beauty so what does he do?

He buys a high-end camera of course!

The latest model in the market! just to take pictures of you, pictures that soon take over the walls of his huge room—covering it til only the ceiling and the higher part of his bedroom walls are left untouched by his debauchery. Pictures he would gaze upon night after night, beating his meat til he’s shooting blanks all over your sweet smile, sweat soaking his muscles from sheer horny, making his arm cramp from the repeated movement of his left hand going up and down his desperate cock—slathered in your lotion he managed to steal while you weren’t looking. He imagines it’s your slick all over him.

He makes up excuses of joining photography competitions just to position you in positions you're sure weren't really needed in these competitions, i mean- swimsuit theme? But it’s in the middle of october! do you really have to spread your thighs as wide as that? Whats that? Other models do it too? Theyhe need to see the patternshape of your swimsuit?pussy okay!

You didn’t doubt Phainon, not at first. Even after he asked you for a personal session where you tried out extremely lewd lingerie, ones that just barely shows it all, a low cut that threatens to expose your soft tits and a fabric so sheer you’re sure your pussy was on full display for phainon’s greedy eyes,

wait-why do these panties have a slit?

But you try to give him the benefit of the doubt,he wasprobably really REALLY passionate about photography….and he was REALLY into his hobby, he would never lie to you.

After all he was your friend, right?

Your best friend and trusted companion who doesn't really show an inkling that he likes you despite your little,itty-bitty, teensy-weensy crush on him, but if so..…

Why did phainon pull you into a dark hallyway, void of students, empty and deathly silent,

Why did he look so angry when some random boy from a class you don’t even know confessed his feelings for you, why did he snarl at the guy to leave you alone and if he catches him once more around you he will be suspended, why did he grab you like he thought you were gonna run away?

Why was phainon fingering your sopping wet pussy like he was aching for it? telling you if that if you come like a good little girl all over his fingers, for the third time he’ll let you go, only IF you give him your soaked panties, of course. He has been waiting to add something more to his collection, after he wrings the fuck out of those pair and asks for another one.. ..

See? Despite it all he never stole your panties like some creep, he asked for your permission, he waited for you to say yes—HE never forced you!

He’s soooo nice isn’t he? A good boy, YOUR good boy, isnt he your good boy? If so, then prove it and sit on his face and squeeze his head like you’re trying to crush it like a watermelon while wearing your favorite pair of thigh highs wait-what who said that?

He's been obsessed with you for so long now, ever since you came into his life, with your gentle personality, kind laugh. Your eagerness to help with your sweet smile, and an even sweeter prize. It was inevitable that he would fall dangerously in love (eyy beyonce) with you. He loved how cute and small you were, always asking for his help when he purposely puts things waaayy out of your reach, vulnerable and oh so sweet….he couldn't help it.

Reaver calls it bullying but he calls it cuteness aggression, he wants to see you laugh, angry, sad, crying, he wants it all, tears pouring out your pretty eyes as you blubbered, ‘Phainon, i—i can't take it..!”, soft body twisting and wriggling away, weak hands trying to pull his hands out of your soaked cotton panties, pure white with a pink bow at the front, while he shushes you and asks for one more.. you can do one more.. can't you sweetling?

He starts cornering you in dark, tight spaces or dragging you wherever, it’s like a switch has flipped even since that day, or has he always been this way,? Maybe you were just unlucky enough to be the very switch that turn his real self alive and turned on, you don't even have the balls of course not to say no.

How could you?, this was Phainon!, poster boy of Star Rail University, the heir to one of his families many successful businesses. A man who like to do community service for fun, charity events he holds be cause he was so rich he doesn’t mind spending his allowance on the unfortunate, one who advocates for student rights and a TRUE feminist, would anyone believe you if you told them who Phainon really was?? Maybe Mydei

Choking down moans, you struggle to keep your voice down as phainon’s fingers, thick, rough calloused from his hobby of woodworking, pound their way into you, like countless times before, the digits are so familiar within like it’s at home easily finding all the spots that make you go crazy and your legs feel like jelly, moans spilling out of you like a broken record, the noises your soaking cunt makes, the juices dripping and spreading onto the seat your plump ass sits upon and on the floor of the private booth in a very busy cafe, your puffy cunt was singing to him despite your every refusal, if you refused—then why was your cunt loving this?

She was honest in a way you weren’t, he could always count on your pussy to speak the truth to him, it was lewd, dirty—music to his ears. You were sooooo wet, your cunt was definitely swollen, lips deliciously red and juicy right now. Like a ripe peach he can’t wait to sink his tongue into, his mouth was watering.

Reaver would kill for an upskirt view of this. So he makes sure to video

Every.

Single.

Bit.

The latest phone camera capturing your sloppy hole being fingered by your class president's thick digits in an abandoned part of the library after school hours? On the train in a corner where you hope-oh god please, no one notices phainon holding a vibrator to your poor clit, your slick dripping down your thighs humiliatingly.

Your plump cunt had gotten used to the assault, not a day goes by where his fingers or mouth had not felt you.

He was obsessed, a disgusting creepy and oh so in love with you.

Then there was Khaslana the second oldest, a quiet, broody but intelligent man, where phainon was loud and energetic he was just there, silent and judging. They were polar opposites and if it weren’t for reaver, their eldest, people might’ve thought they were twins with how creepily in sync they were, and just like phainon he became obsessed with you, how could he not? Phainon loves nothing more than to talk his ear off about anything and everything and right now? That subject was you. he was there as he witnessed Phainon’s eager descend into the madness that was you.

It was hard to notice you at first, tiny, cute and non-confrontational but he can understand that there was a…sweetness about you. Discovering phainon’s shrine of you only made him even more obsessed, he loves to hover around you now, often accompanying you when phainon couldn't and is usually the first to arrive when you're in trouble, whether it be missing a few coins to complete your purchase at the school’s cafeteria, needing a hair tie, cause phainon stole them, or because you forgot to bring an umbrella when it was storming,

However,

Everytime he saves you- you’d better give him a reward for that, walking you home? A quick peck on the Cheek, buying your favorite snacks? sit on his lap while he feeds you the snacks, tutoring you becuase you need to pass this class and he was the smartest one around? Give him a quick peek of the panties you’re wearing and a picture of said panties.

and if he starts beating up your bullies?

Youd better be grateful and take those panties off and keep your legs spread because he’ll demand a taste right after dealing with those idiot fucks.

Those two were a handful, you were never seen without one or the other, always around, always hovering, they seem to have aligned your schedule to theirs so they never have to be separated.

As of right now, Phainon had dragged you to his home, like countless other times after deciding it would be best if he was your one AND only partner for every project that was to come, like the project you were currently assigned to as a pair and right now? Well, you were suppose to be doing that buttt.….

You were busy trying not to melt.. hands trying to pathetically cover your face,embarassed at your debauched self, back pressing against Phainon’s toned chest. Your legs were hooked over his preventing you from closing them. A vibrator was cruelly pressed against your clit, sending delicious shockwaves through your body, and Khaslana, was trying to shove a third finger into your tight sopping hole. Your slick slippery and sloppy, making it easy for him, to curl his fingers inside your gummy cunt, widening your hole and preparing it for whats to come.

“Think she's ready for reaver’s cock,” Khaslana offhandedly asks, fingers still pumping deep inside you, curling deliciously, a handsome smirk lazily settled on his face, his ears swallowing the sounds of your cute moans and gasps, enjoying the sound of your wet and gushing cunt squelching around his thick digits, cunt juicing everywhere, there was definitely a puddle on the bed right now.

He will lick it up later when you leave.

Phainon chuckles, it sounds so carefree, like he wasn’t trying his best to mount like a proper dog and pump you full of his cum. His free hand groping your exposed breasts, pinching your nipples that were sensitive and bruised from khaslana’s incessant sucking and biting, he has a weird fixation with your breasts.

You squeak, trying to turn away, your body was already soooo overstimulated, but they held you fast, the triplet beneath sped up his fingers hitting that one spot in your cunt that makes you see stars til you finally gush all over him for the first time. Your orgasm washes over you like a tsunami and you throw your head back, Phainon using the opportunity to suck another mark onto your neck, your toes curl, thighs burning from the position, you feel the ringing in your ears and your head feels like it’s full of cotton.

Khaslana’s mouth quickly devours your hole, slurping up the juices that threaten to escape his eager mouth, the rest pouring down the sides of his lips, his tongue shoves deeper inside you, searching for more. More of your nectar. The addicting taste coating his tongue and his throat and all his senses.

Ohmygodtheyloveyoutheyloveyoutheyloveyousoooooooooomuch-!

The buzzing of the vibrator on your clit was loud, you feel it still pressed tightly against by Phainon, this time you beg for mercy, Phainon finally, finally pulls it away.

It was quiet for a few moments, you were panting, body shivering after the toe-curling body-shattering orgasm. Was it your sixth orgasm? You’ve lost count after the third one, both men enjoying the aftermath, reveling at the sight of your body between them, this was your first time squirting after all.

”Not yet” phainon finally answered, “she's still too tight” he coos, kissing your head,

”one of us will have to go first.”

His brother’s eyes glinted, “well” he started “doesn't he have a kink for that,” and without missing a beat, he pulls down his slacks, thick cock bobbing out, pre-cum dripping from his bulbous head, a thick vein running along the left side of his meat throbbing with need.

Phainon reached forward to grasp at his brother‘s hot cock, his dick pulsing so hotly in his calloused hand, khaslana groans, rocking forward into his brother’s hand, as Phainon squeezes lube all over him, the cold gel making him a stuttuer out a gasp, Phainon’s hand rubbing it all over, mixing his overflowing pre with the cool slippery gel. He guides it to your sticky wet hole, and without warning, Khaslana bottoms out in one go.

You feel like your brain was shutting down, it wasn't painful, the days and months of their mouths and fingers on you has gotten you used to their intrusions but this?

It was your first time, the stretch was unfamiliar and oh god there was so much inside you, how did he fit that inside you?? If kaslana was this big, how big was phainon?

How big was reaver?

Your mind was turning blank, his cock battered your insides nonstop, how long has it been—30 minutes? An hour, you don't know, you were laid flat against the bed now, hands fisting at the sheets, looking for an anchor for the pleasure being bestow onto your pliant body, soaked with sweat and cum, your skin riddled with love bites, and bruises, in a mating press as khaslana creampied you for the fourth time, deep inside you, there was so. much. cum-! your thighs were shaking for being in this position for so long, yet your pussy was still so tight, so eager, creaming around his dick like it didn't want him to leave, betraying you, it was so wet and the room was so quiet that besides the ac and your desperate moans, the loudest thing was the shlick! shlick! shlick! of his meat pounding into you non-stop.

The lewd sounds echoed so loudly around the large room, sweat poured despite the cool air. You lost count of how many times you came, by the time Khaslana finally pulled out, it was already going dark, you have gone over at their house when it was still 11 am, and now the evening sun is setting through the large window of Phainon’s room,the sunlight filtering through his sheer curtains.

Your cunt was on full display, legs spread eagle with no strength to close it, a flood of cum escaping your messy pussy before the thickest fingers you have ever felt shove it back in, they were cold and sooo rough…(ugh..), you felt the pads of his fingers rub against your inner walls, the sensation felt new.

You jolted, blurry eyes looking up to see long messy hair, and sharp calculating eyes—

Ah it was reaver,

The oldest twin that felt like a myth, a cold, dangerous individual, yet right now all that you could see was the same lovesick expression in his eyes, the same one reflected in his brothers, he leans down to kiss you and you follow his lips. It was rough, messy— full of tongue and teeth like he was trying to swallow you whole. Nothing Phainon’s kisses, which were sweet and sloppy cause he’s such an eager puppy, nor was it like khaslana’s kisses who—despite his rough personality, kisses like it was his first date, his lips wait for you, chasing after the taste like they were drugs and he was experiencing the withdrawals.

Reaver’s kisses were dominant, claiming, he wishes to devour you whole.

You hear belts rustling but you don't pay attention, before a fat fucking tip presses against your used hole, you look down and you felt your heart drop into your womb.(which he will be meeting and battering of course)

Fuck he was big, huge. Bigger than Khaslana, you look up in panic. ”N-no-!..ngh...ahhh..you won't fit!” but he pushes in, your eyes dart around the room, landing on the other two brothers, Phainon was now balls deep inside khaslana, rocking slowly. Khaslana arches his back into phainon while Phainon kisses his way down his neck, but their gazes never left you both, their eyes were wide, hungry, waiting for their dear older brother to claim his prize, mark his property and your pussy, the cute little thing once again betrays you by parting her sweet, sticky lips so easily despite being so tight, puffy entrance swallowing his huge, throbbing cock whole, squeezing him so deliciously making the man above you grit his teeth, plump cunt not letting go, his hips pushing alllllll the way in, until his heavy balls press tight against your plush ass.

A year passes and he hasn't seen you since.

Seasons changed and with every holiday that comes and goes he can’t help but look for you in anything he sees.

But it was no use, after your shitty break up (courtesy of his pathetic excuse of a reason why), you disappeared from everyone, like a ghost. No update on your social medias, explaining why you’re gone, No texts to your close friends or classmates explaining why you decided to ghost everyone, or at least a letter explaining your side!—whatever you could give them.

No one had even see you leave! Not a hair nor hide of you was seen at school—no matter where he looked or waited, it’s like you became a fucking spy with how good you got at avoiding them.

And he knew it was all his fault.

At least..he thinks it is….after all you became like this just after the breakup..

The guilt hung over him like a noose—every question, every concern people threw his way because you guys were always together! surely he knows what happened, but he’s too much of a coward to tell them the truth and mc doesn’t want to talk about it either. She changes the topic every time he tries to talk and threatens to ignore him like she did last month if he ever says your name again.

The of fear of being alone grips him like a vice and he shuts up about it soon after.

But that doesn’t mean he stopped looking for you. So He’s tried contacting you himself, messaging you at all hours waiting with bated breathe that his screen will light up with your name popping up to playfully send him a text, going to all your favorite places in the hopes he’ll see you there…because honestly?

He’s regretting what he did the morning he broke your heart.

Every night, he lies in bed staring at the ceiling, the mental image of your pretty face struggling to hold back tears striking a painful chord in his heart the moment he lets his mind wander too much. He tosses and turn, the sheets crumpling from their once-pristine shape, trying to sleep and stop thinking about it but the memories of your relationship, the years you have spent together….

It all echoes back painfully…like a hammer slamming down the nail in his heart with a blunt end, he wishes he could say he made the effort to fix it, that the messages were enough, that waiting for you was fine and he did his best! All he could—

Oh who the fuck was he kidding—he couldn’t even man up the courage to man up and go to your house which was mere blocks away from his! his feet refused to turn in the direction and face you, scared to see how what he caused affected you. Hoping with whatever little hope he had, that you could be the bigger person and meet him halfway instead.

Coward..

But…. it was fine right??

Because you promised! You promised to stay friends!, you said that it was fine… so why? Why weren’t you around, to show him that pretty smile that makes his heart beat a little too fast and laugh at him for looking so gloomy, ‘you look like a kicked puppy!’ You’d tease and he’d laugh and you’ll all go out for ice cream and enjoy the evening until nighttime comes and wait—what was your favorite flavor again?

What it strawberry??— no that’s mc’s. Maybe triple chocolate? No that’s Zayne’s favorite… what was yours?

His minds cloud, trying to remember what your usual ice cream order was—-

What was your flavor??

Why couldn’t he remember?! Weren’t you friends for years?? He tries to remember what else you liked but to his crushing horror nothing comes to mind. All blank, a vast emptiness that fills him with shame.

It’s so hard to breathe.

A blank canvas, there was a ringing in his ears, the sound so loud yet so silent piercing his brain yet at the same time it was so fucking quiet he wants to scream. He felt like he was hyper ventilating, clutching at whatever he could beneath him, his body racked with sweat. Why was he reacting so bad?

When was the last time he asked you about your preferences, your usual coffee order, do you like it with milk and sugar?? or maybe you preferred it black like him? were you into shooting games like him? do you prefer musky scents or orange blossom for perfume? Did you actually like plushies?! What about the ones he got you..?

When was the last time they celebrated your birthday??

His brain racked for whatever he could remember and he feels himself spiral, it couldn’t be— how could he not, you were in a relationship for fuck’s sake and friends for even longer! how could he not know?!

Was there even a time he made an effort to chose you first?

Did he ever make you his priority?

He bites his lip so hard he tastes blood but the pain doesn’t register, the realization of exactly how terribly they’ve treated you, when all you wanted—all you needed was to be treated with the same love and care they’ve shown each other, a close friend to them, and all they’ve done was push you away til you couldn’t handle it anymore. Mock you with their closeness until you decided to stop cutting parts of yourself just to fit into a puzzle that’s already complete.

With every passing day, he felt like he was going mad, he thinks he sees you but with every turn it’s someone else, the color of their hair strands makes him more upset every time it’s not your particular shade of hair color. The familiar scent of what he thinks is you makes him whizz around to look only to get hit with the same disappointment that it’s just someone else.

…

He gets the courage to finally go to your home, nerves electrifying his veins with restlessness when he knocks on the door; he waits one minute, two minutes then footsteps, his heartbeats faster.

Is it—

Only to once again be met with disappointment when it’s just one of your parents telling him you aren’t home, he goes again the next day and they hit him with the ’you’re busy’, ’don’t want to talk to them’ and his personal favorite ‘ she’s not at home’ but he knows you’re there by the shuffling of your silhouette moving through the curtains when he glances up your window, wishing you’d peek through just so you can see him, let him see your soft face and sweet smile. He begs them, saying it won’t take long but they only shake their head and tell him to come another time when you’re ready.

Why?

What did you need to be ready for?! Did they know? Did you tell them what happened between you two? Does your parents hate him now?? Blame him for everything?

What did he even do wrong??

He doesn't understand! But he’s trying—please just talk to him!

He continuous going to your house at the oddest hours, when people should be sleeping, instead of resting for the next day he’s there beneath your window, hoping you‘d peek through just like old times, He’s tried calling out your name, throwing pebbles at your window to get your attention, only for silence to greet him.

Then the dreaded day comes and all he gets is the gut-wrenching feeling of regret to spread through his body, reaching his knees, making them weak, threatening to collapse beneath him when he gets the news that you moved away. Just like that. Packed up your things for the summer and left wherever you needed to go with telling anyone.

Moved away after graduation without informing anyone,

Away from them. You didn’t offer up an explanation,

No last words, no tearful hugs goodbye, Nothing.

You left them with nothing.

But….

But didn’t they deserve it?

Summer has officially started but he felt cold all over. Like a mindless zombie going through the motions, he doesn’t know where you went, where you’d gone to escape from the personal hell they created for you..were you eating well? Did you sleep nice and have the sweetest dreams?

He doesn’t know anything anymore, he wants to leave everything behind and go look for you, to ask why you left them—why you left him until his grandma—Josephine had had enough and knocked some sense into him.

‘she wouldn't want you to be like that, hunting nothing but smoke’ she scolded, Caleb barely felt the whack she gave the side of his head. ‘if you truly care for her, you’d stop chasing after a memory.’

He sniffles at that, eyes starting to well up, he didn't know what to do—he was just a stupid nineteen year old who just graduated high school and lost the most sweetest girl he‘s ever met, a girl whose smile he tarnished, a heart of gold he rusted all because he couldn’t choose between what was more important to him at that time.

Yes you did a voice hissed,

You just didn’t choose the right one

He squeezes his eyes shut, throwing his head back into the couch he sprawled upon, ‘grow up to be an better person, my child it’s too early to waste away,’ his grandma’s voice floats through the kitchen entrance, ‘become someone she would choose once more, a greater version than the you now—then maybe, maybe.. someday when she comes back. You’ll have the courage to say what you need to say.’

A shiver leaves him, body heavy and cool despite the summer heat coming in, he imagines himself meeting you when he gets older, will you even spare him a glance? Does he deserve that?

‘What if….’ he mumbles, he watches his grandma walk in with 2. tall glasses of cold juice, apple—his favorite, freshly pressed from the full-grown apple tree in their yard, perhaps?

The same tree you guys planted at mere 8 years of age for his birthday after you found out apples where his favorite fruit, he remembers you coming over to water the plant til it was big enough to support itself, spending the day under it with you both, watching you braiding each other’s hair with happy smiles. Until the day it finally bore fruit and you had the pleasure of taking the first bite into the crisp juicy apple.

He still remembers those days—what happen to them?

‘what if what, Caleb?’ Josephine’s voice breaks through his thoughts, shaking away the memories he wishes to return to. He swallows but his mouth feels dry, ‘what if she doesn’t want to hear? To listen to me? To—what i have to say?’ He exhales a shaky breath, accepting the glass Josephine hands him.

The cold glass cools his hand, condensation dripping. ‘What if it’s too late?’Josephine is quiet for a while, taking small sips to cool herself before she settles into her armchair.

‘then you accept her answer and move on.’

He bites his lip, he doesn’t like that answer. That look on your face flashes through his mind once more and he makes a promise to see you again.

Fix the past so that it isn’t the last memory he has left you both traumatized with.

————————————————————————————————————————-

All throughout summer vacation, He focuses on improving on himself, working out twice as hard at the gym, He knows you have a liking for muscles on guys, he hopes you’ll find his attractive enough, he flexes in the gym’s mirror thinking what your reaction will be, will you be bold enough to squeeze his biceps? Maybe stare at him while he does pushups, offering sweet words of encouragement, perhaps sit on his back and let him show you how good he can take care of you, strong enough to lift both of you so you always see him as strong and dependable. That you can rely on him and see that only he can protect you.

He spends time watching those cringy K and C-dramas mc always begs him to watch with her, observing the males in the episodes, he remembers you are fond of some of these types, will you like him more if he was more like them? He misses going to the beach with you, getting into water fights and building sandcastles, do you still have the shell he got you?

Would you prefer it if he brought you flowers everyday, a bouquet of the ones you love so that you could decorate your space with the essence of his care for you? God he just—misses you.

There were nights where he can’t sleep for hours, he spends it crying his eyes get so sore during those nights, snot clogging up his nose and non-stop tears running down his face at the emptiness that continues to fill him with every passing day you’re not around to comfort him with your gentle voice and soft hugs. He misses you so much, do you miss him too?

Does he deserve to be missed by you?

A male protagonist from the fifth drama he watched created an entire fashion line for his lover because she felt insecure in the industry’s view on what clothes should look like and who it fits, would you like it if he made you clothes that you like? sweaters of the softest fabrics, cashmere, the finest wool, he’s heard that crocheting is hard work and a true act of love if one makes the effort, will you forgive him if he made you hundreds of those? Stitch til his hands cramp and his fingers bleed from the needles just like the man in the films? Will you run to him with one of your warmest hugs and kiss him full on the lips?

like you never got to do?

He feels like the devil who has corrupted your sweetness, turned you wary and unable to believe in true love, oh—he hopes you still believe in love, he hopes he didn’t ruin it for you, you are worth every bit of love in this godforsaken world and he’ll gladly tear his heart out of his chest if you just—came—back!

He misses your late night-calls, he often clutches his phone tight, never leaving it out of his sight in the hopes one day it’ll ring with your name on it and he’ll answer and he can finally tell you how sorry he is and how you both can start all over, he’ll treat you right this time if you’ll have him—!

But it never happens.

He always goes to your hill, when the sun rises he goes, every step he climbs up has a wish in it that he hopes to see your form sitting there relaxing, waiting for him, but it’s only him every time.

He tries to reads self-help books, and books that focuses on relationship advice, Every line, every sentence, every time a paragraph calls him out for how much of an asshole he truly was and is. He wishes to change and be better.

He wants to be better for you—no he needs to be better for you. He wants to be the best decision you ever made.

So please, will you come back to him?

——————————————————————————————————————————

Time passes by and college admissions began, after applying to their dream colleges, all they had to do was wait for their acceptance letter.

Mc didn't want to go to a college far away from him but he convinced her to chase her dreams, in his head he thinks it will be better for her to find people she can call her own. To find other people to depend on so it isn’t just them. He thinks it’s time for there to be space between them now, so that they can find their place in this messy world.

They spent their remaining days going to places and making new memories..all the while he thinks of you in every place they go promising to take you there as well.

But there was always…a feeling in the air. a conversation they didn’t want to have—the both of them didn’t want to acknowledge their wrongdoings. A cut they didn’t want to bandage yet. So they just pretned they don’t feel the aching space between them.

Both of them had done you wrong, they know that. Mc feels responsible for everything that has happened, although Caleb tries to placate her, convince her it wasn’t just her in the wrong, that they both had a part, but she knows the truth.

She sees it in his eyes when he thinks she isn’t looking. He blames her for it—that she knows, maybe not everything, maybe not all but in some way she did ruin your life, she knows how much you liked him, seen it in the way you trail after him nonstop, so she tries to make Caleb focus on her, call her everytime she thinks you two are doing sometime together without her, cause she was scared that the moment he looks to you—pays attention to you and fall in love with you and your stupid smile and boring fashion sense—

You will abandon her. Leave her in the dust while she stares at what could’ve been.

But was this feeling of regret better than whatever she could conjure in her scared mind? Was it worth it ruining your relationship for her own insecurities?, thoughts of the future that will never even happen because she burned that bridge from the very beginning…

She didn’t know what she was thinking when she sent Caleb that message. But you both were pulling away and she didn’t know what to do. So she thought of the only solution—if you two broke up, you would all be friends again and it will all go back to normal..

Of course what she didn’t expect was for her ‘genius’ plan to blow up in her face.

She did not expect you to disappear.

She didn’t mean to..!

She hopes wherever you were, you’re better off without them, and if you do come back, maybe you both can have a well-deserved screaming session, let her explode her heart full of remorse before hugging it out like old times.

though a small part in her heart she wishes you’ll let her see you once more, she’s starting to miss that stupid smile of yours..

So please..hurry up and come back already..

PREVIOUS PART / NEXT PART

——————————————————————————————

Whew that was a rollercoaster wasnt it? I hope you guys notice this isn’t canon-compliant, ssoo no trauma, no one dying and caleb does not go through a makeover~! But he will be having a crisis meltdown and maayyybe yandere if ya’ll want it in the upcoming chapters! Remember this might become 4-5 parts long since i wrote so much(lol) anyway zayne comes back in the next chapter..

TAGLIST: I WILL ONLY TAG THOSE THAT EXPLICITLY SAY THEY WANT TO BE TAGGED, I WON’T TAG YOU OTHERWISE TO AVOID ISSUES.

He’s finally made it.

He looks up the tall, monumental building. The campus was huge, it’s making him a bit nervous. He inhales a deep breathe, taking in the crisp morning air, sharp and fresh—he lets it out a few seconds later. He takes a step forward and another til he’s entered the colossal architecture.

Walking in, many thoughts circle his mind with one that echoes the loudest—

Will he meet you here?

His subconsciousness had become in tuned with you, trying to find you in every little thing he does. whether it be eating, sleeping, working, showering— he keeps you in his mind and closer to his heart, however close that is, he genuinely wants to be better and this time?

He”ll do anything and everything to earn your mercy.

In whatever way you will spare him.

A few months in and he’s already established himself as a star student. Good grades, good build—perfect for the athletics club, good looking, his face card was absolutely lethal(not his words, Gideon’s), losing whatever baby fat he’s got left over the summer, becoming even more of a hunk and now he was even a part of the Student Union of Linkon university! He manages the sports sections—go figure honestly, anyone could tell he was meant for anything physical/muscle-related, his new group of friends joked that he’s all brawn and no brain but he proves them wrong with his perfect test scores all the time. How amazing of him…perfect Caleb as always.

He’s even got his driver’s license now, when deciding to live at the campus dorms since University was so far from home, he thought it was the perfect time to get one, he wonders if you’ll find him desirable now that he can drive his own car, he’ll take you wherever you wanna go, pick you up for your dates and drive to the places you tell him to take you—anywhere you want.

Another pleasant surprise is when he bumps into their oldest(in both ways lol) childhood friend Zayne, the latter not as surprised as him, saying ‘it was inevitable that they would meet again as the college had every possible undergrad course they needed.’ Typical Zayne. They enjoy the next few days and weeks catching up, find out he’s in pre-med—again not surprising, he’s always wanted to be a doctor. Very admirable he thinks. He feels you and Zayne would’ve gotten along well if he didn’t move away so soon….. then suddenly the thought of you two getting closer without him in the picture fills him with a feeling that is dark and messy—-he realizes way sooner that it’s jealousy(but why?) he tries to shake the thought away but the thought of you and zayne together—alone makes his skin itch….

what the..?

He ignores the feelings, throughout their time together, they reminisce about the old times, however Zayne wonders where you were? And all He can do is avoid the question or quickly change the subject, Zayne doesn’t push it, it’s none of his business, he moved away before witnessing any of the drama anyway……besides— He’s sure Caleb will tell him when he’s ready.

Although Caleb seems to be feeling the beginning of his bad karma when he is introduced to his new roommate—Zayne.

Motherfuck——

He’s becoming even less fortunate at being avoidant to his inquiries seeing as Zayne is literally his fucking roommate, he’s asked about his previous one and Zayne’s only response to that was he moved to a different building. Weeks pass, and it’s now October, Zayne had suggested that they embrace the halloween spirit by testing each other’s courage at the many haunted houses the university students has prepared, a sort…of fun way to pass the time and to celebrate the holiday, pump up the students energy and spirits for upcoming sports events. Of course Caleb was Not expecting Zayne of all people to be asking him that, but Zayne said it might strengthen his skittish nature, since he just lovesss tiptoeing around him like a scared puppy afraid to be scolded for tipping over his owner’s favorite flower pot— were Zayne’s Exact words.

This Bitch—-

He’ll go to this stupid haunted house and show him—!

….

It only takes him 10 minutes to know how he failed horribly, who knew fake ghost could make him scream five octaves higher?? It seems all those muscles were for show Zayne muses, he was obviously very pleased with himself, though unlike he, the ice-cold ravenette came out looking prim and proper, it seems the actors and even props freeze when meeting his gaze. Did the temperature just drop?! A student dressed as bloody mary sweats when he walks past.

He wins coupons for free food and out of the kindness of his half-way frozen heart he shares it with him, keeping the sweets to himself of course, no puppy eyes can snatch it from his (literally)cold hands.

——————————————————————

Midterms arrives like a tidal wave over the students and they spend a lot of time having study sessions that result in tears—Calebs and hair pulling-also Caleb and Zayne is on his fifth slice of strawberry shortcake because lord know he needs it if he has to repeat Choledocholithiasis for another 30 minutes and remember the difference between ather/o, arthr/o and fucking arteri/o for the thirteenth time.

Fingers crossed for the passing scores, sighing in relief when they pass with the flying colors of the Chinese flag. Winter vacation begins and Caleb and surprisingly Mc join Zayne to celebrate christmas together, they have a brief reunion before finally seeing his family, enjoying traditional chinese dishes instead of turkey and ham but there’s never a shortage of shortbread ginger cookies, which Zayne almost hauls to hide in his room until his mom scolds him for being too greedy.

Well at least they can finally drink alcohol with the rest of the adults.

Of course of all things, what they were not expecting was to have a freaking monkey fucking jump him in the face, it almost caused a disaster until Zayne calms them down and introduced them to his…brother.

His brother—who is a monkey..

A Monkey whose name is Sweet potato.

Because he loves sweet potatoes.

Mc holds back tears when sweet potato decides her hair was his perfect distraction for the night, messing and yanking on it, pulling out all the pins and pretty clips she used to keep her hair in the way it should until he came along and broke them all, Sweet potato laughing all the while Zayne smiles at them like ‘it’s gon be okay’.

Though they became close friends soon enough, Sweet potato making his place on her shoulder, ”better watch out Zayne, me and sweet potato as besties now. maybe i’ll take him home for myself” she says, only joking. Until Zayne fixes her with a freezing stare, ” You could do that, but then i’ll call the cops on you for kidnapping” she quickly backtracks and laughs nervously “ i’m just joking zayne!, honest!’ She waves her hands, trying to move sweet potato away but the monkay latches on.

He chuckles, “So was I..” he turns to the table for another helping(i.e his eleventh) of egg tarts, ’that definitely did not sound like a joke’ both sweat nervously at his apparent…jokes.

Though they had a fun time and a few traumatizing ones (Caleb thinks of getting Zayne a book of jokes that are actually funny and not mildly concerning), they have to go back to the dorms in their third week of holidays to prepare, Caleb stops by his grandma to wish her a new year and leave a few gifts he’s bought while thinking of her, “take good care of yourself, Caleb” a knowing look in her eye as she coos and he hugs her tight before leaving for college, Mc does not join him back though, her family has plans to celebrate the up-coming new years on a family trip and he spends the new year counting down the seconds with Zayne in their dorm room, drinking homemade(correction dorm-made) eggnog, made from ingredients he bought at the convenience store on his way back.

“Feeling sentimental?” Zayne casually asks beside him, they watch the fireworks dance across the sky from their balcony, the colors were vibrant, filling up the night sky and chasing away the darkness in just moments before disappearing forever. “why do say that?” Caleb swishes his mug, looking out into the dark sky yet not at the same time, “ you’ve got that look in your eye again—“ zayne gestures with his head, “ like you’re missing something….or” he tilts his head “someone…? perhaps...”

Caleb drops his head, a tired sigh leaving him, “oh really now, is that what gave it away?” The ravenette raises an eyebrow before gesturing to the cups, “I don't know who in their right mind would prepare ingredients for eggnog, on new years no less, just to share it with their one roommate.” Caleb chokes at that “ hey! Come on—we’re friends aren't we?” All his gets is Zayne’s deadpanned look.

He lets out scoff “ dude, don’t think too much about it, it’s just eggnog and i didn’t feel like drinking alone so i made enough for you too, no big deal—“

“Is that why you look so much like a kicked puppy tonight?”

“why you asking so much anyway??, besides what about you? Don’t you have people inviting you to places?” He grumbles, “ you don’t have to stay if you wanna leave so bad….”

“Are you sulking, puppy—“

“Don’t call me puppy!” He almost whines, immediately blushing, he turns to hide but he’s sure Zayne can see the reddening of his ears. He then chuckles “ don’t worry, i didn't stay to pity you..” he exhales, warm vapor leaving and reacting with the freezing air.

“Then..?” if he had ears it would perk up immediately, Zayne smirks at the thought. He hums, drumming his fingers against the railing, “feeling….sentimental i guess…”

A silence rests between them, not awkward but welcomed, allows them to gather thoughts before Zayne poses another question, “Caleb…” he hears a ’hm?’ in reply.

“What truly happened between you three when i was gone?” No answer. He sighs “ Although i was never as close to her like you two were,” he unknowingly flinches at that, Zayne doesn’t comment. “ We were still friends, I would like to know why you avoid the topic like your vaccine appointments—”

“Gege, that was one time—“ caleb finally turns to let out a huff, changing the topic again, Zayne raises an eyebrow at this, “besides it hurt like a bitch—”

“Language.”

“Fine, it hurt like a witch.”

“You were seventeen, caleb, you don’t have a fear of needles yet mc had to console you with a lollipop while yn distracted you with puppy videos.” Cue the second round of embarrassment, he was sure his face was as red as a ripe apple. “ Gege—stop bringing those up!” He groans into his hands, eggnog forgotten.

“Then stop changing the subject and answer my questions” he counters, “ you don’t have to tell me everything, but at least let me know what happened to her” the younger man in front of him suddenly slouches onto a chair, like an air of depression sat on him. “That’s the thing..gege.. we—“ he bites his lip, the memories of that morning flash through his mind for the first time in months, making his chest contract in pain he can’t heal. His eyes burn and he knows he’s gonna start crying if this goes on, he hopes zayne can’t see the tears welling up. “ we..don't know where she is..”

“what does that even mean? Was she kidnapped?” Zayne stands up straight, immediately worried, “No, no just…” he sighs, “ i guess i can’t avoid it forever…..”. He leans back into the seat. “ you deserve to know.”

He spends the next 2 hours recounting the events the led to how your friendship sunk into nothing, Zayne does not say a thing, his face not betraying him with how he truly feels as he listens intently and Caleb can’t help but wonder if he wants to punch his face in or leave. “So that’s that.” He breathes out, for some reason, a weight has left his shoulders, it felt better than he thought sharing that with someone.

Zayne was silent for a while, before finally responding with, “ You are a deplorable human being.”

Caleb flinched, honestly what was he expecting? A welcome hug? “ i suppose i am..”

“You don’t suppose, you are” zayne affirms, “Both of you were terrible at keeping things fair and peaceful,” referring to mc and him, “you’ve abused her kindness and taken her sweetness for granted, you never asked how she felt nor did you even have the consciousness to think about her mental well-being. I knew something had happened based on you two’s aversion to my inquiries but i didn’t think it was because you both were emotionally abusive!” He angrily sighs, fingers going up to massage his temples. “I did not expect you would be such a scumbag, Caleb”

He scrutinizes him in disappointment. “You lead her on for nothing, she wasn’t just your girlfriend, she was your friend first and you should’ve treated her as so! and now she’s just..gone?” his voice slightly raised made him wince, he’s never heard Zayne get angry before. Annoyed yes but never angry..

Perhaps the alcohol did help with feeling sentimental, to get these stupid feelings out for good.

Caleb doesn’t answer, he just sits there, tears uncontrollably rolling down his cheeks and zoning out, relieving the moments, “if you think, whatever you’re doing is going to bring her back, then you’re sorely mistaken” he lectures.

“Then what should i do, gege?” He asks shakily, voice quieter, the room seemed too cold now as goosebumps littered his skin, but he doesn’t seem to feel a thing. “ i believe that you should move on Caleb.” He advices, “ i know you feel terrible about what happened…but if she has left for the better then maybe you should do the same instead of stewing in it for months and years, hoping for forgiveness you’re not even sure she is willing to give.” He walks forward to place a surprisingly warm hand on caleb’s shoulder, “ the change starts with you. Learn to forgive yourself..only then will you understand how to be good for her sake,” he gives him a small, tiny smile “i only wish you the best Caleb..” he whispers,

“Happy new year.”

Zayne doesn’t stay that night…he wonders where he went.

——————————————————————

The second semester begins and it’s still too cold, they’re both too busy to meet up for their daily brunches, until one slow Wednesday after classes, when a message from mc has caleb looking up from his homework, the continues buzzing translates to multiple messages, he eyes the growing pile of homework to the side as he picks up his phone, he reads the message and yup—mc has another place to go again.

“Hey gege, wanna come?” He turns to zayne who was reading a book on the dining table. He eyes his attire, crisp black button-up shirt and matching ironed black slacks. Is he going somewhere?

Zayne raises an eyebrow, there was a joke in that sentence and he didn’t want to touch that in outcome Caleb throws his notebook at him again “ to where?” He drawls, dog-earing the book in his hands, another medical case file about some untreatable heart conditions.

“There’s apparently a new cafe down the street, said it’s been open for a week now, mc wants to see it.”

“And why—pray tell do you need me to come along?” He crosses his long legs and Caleb just rolls his eyes, “ like you aren’t curious what treats they’ve got, i see you writing down what desserts to try next in that little notebook of yours” he teases. Zayne lets out a haughty scoff, “ i see the puppy has learnt to eavesdrop?” He gets up to fix his things, at the comment Caleb flushes red, “ i-i wasn’t spying!” Zayne zips up his bag, “ Suit yourself, are you coming or not?” He points his chin to Caleb’s attire “ i doubt they’d serve us with your getup”. Caleb look to his clothes, boxers decorated with hearts and bunnies and a t-shirt he isn’t sure he’s washed yet..

He takes a sniff—yep not washed, zayne gives him a disapproving look at that. Caleb sighs “ just—wait for me outside”.

It was a surprisingly short walk from campus, they enter the cafe quickly to escape the cold weather, sighing at the warmth of the establishment. It was warm and cozy, they see mc wave them over, three drinks on the table already. They walk over to take their respectable seats before zayne quickly gets up again to join the line at the counter, “ typical zayne” Caleb laughs, “ think he’ll let us have a little nibble?” she wiggles her eyebrows at him. “ might give us frostbite if we try, pipsqueak” he chuckles, settling into the seat, removing the padded jacket he wore and placing it onto the head of his seat.

A few minutes and zayne comes back with a tray full of goodies, of course a few handslaps go around but they were successful in getting a few bites in, Caleb was in the middle of shoving a whole slice of decadent chocolate cake into his pie hole when the hear the barista call out an order for a name they never thought they’d hear again—

“ A large vanilla latte with double shots for yn!”

At this, all twisted their heads in unison, they were sure to get a cramp later, their eyes roam the entire cafe to find you, they almost look away in disappointment, maybe it’s just someone with a name like yours? It’s happened before and Cakeb just waits for the familiar feeling of dismay to fill him when they hear it—

“Oh that’s me!”

That familiar voice, sweet and soft like they remember and then—there you are,

Caleb lets out a shocked gaspp.

You looked so comfy, so content in your pink fluffy sweater and matching scarf, the sleeves seem to be long enough to cutely cover your hands—likely on purpose as you don’t seem to be wearing mittens, he eyes your red hands when you go to collect your order, a to-go cup he sees. You still like the same things.

You have gotten prettier, with a haircut that just accentuated your features better, showing off your eyes that seemed to shimmer in the light—or maybe it’s just him, you seem to lose all your baby fat—or maybe there was still a little left, he zeroes in on your plush cheeks, very munch-able he decides, Zayne was thinking the same thing.

Everyone was silently watching you like a hawk.

You had gotten so much cuter, Zayne thinks but it didn’t feel like a glow-up, more like a sense of peace has overcome you, you didn’t change any aspect of yourself, rather—they could feel it in your aura(yes even though they were ten feet away from you), the way you stood, confident and sure, the way you held yourself. So unlike the unsure and sad posture you had before, Caleb hates the fact that they caused you to be like that. You looked content, happy and very much enjoying life in the last 8 months you hadn’t seen their faces (a few years for zayne).

You leave as quickly as you came and just like that, the noise returns and they let out a breathe they didn’t know they were holding, they turn back to their drinks, it was silent for a few minutes. “Soo…” mc starts “ that was unexpected huh?” She chuckles nervously eyes darting between the two men. Caleb clears his throat before reaching for his cup, a hot americano.

“So she goes here as well” Zayne’s comment has Caleb choking on his coffee, he beats his chest as the coffee goes down the wrong pipe, hot and fast, his nose burns and mc pats his back for emotional support.

“W-wha? Why would you say that?” He wipes at his face with the provided napkins, “ didn't you see her i.d?” They both shook their head no, he sighs, “it’s the same color as ours, though it’s most probably a different course from yours, i’m surprised you haven’t seen her yourself, aren’t you in the same year?” Caleb blinks rapidly, “ i don’t….think so, i definitely would’ve noticed”.

“Maybe different schedules?” Caleb weakly suggests, not wanting to admit that he probably wasn’t as observant as he thought he was to not notice you for a whole ass semester.

When did you even arrive? Did you transfer just this year?

Why didn’t they see you around? Did you somehow figure out they were also here and tried to avoid them once more?

He widens his eyes at his conclusions, “ Caleb, relax, stop making assumptions in your head.” Zayne warns, very familiar with the brunette’s constant spiraling. Caleb swallows, nodding his head at Zayne’s advice. “okay…..okay” he leta out a heavy sigh, leaning back into the cushy chair, he feels exhausted already.

“Well…” the pre-med student sighs, getting busy with his slice of matcha roll cake, “Nows seems to be the perfect time to make amends.” He looks fixes them with a hard stare. “don’t waste this golden opportunity.”

The two don’t have to ask him what they meant. They know full well what they need to do.

Caleb inwardly agrees, this was probably the sign he was waiting for!, life was finally giving him a chance to make things right between you too, to finally give you the apology you deserved.

Because fuck— he really, truly misses you.

He misses you so much he keeps a bottle of your favorite perfume so he can spray it into his pillow,pressing his face into it every night so he doesn’t forget your scent, he even turned one of your shirts that you’ve forgotten at his house into his own personal pillow case. (Totally not weird Caleb.) it’s honestly a good thing they have separate bedrooms or Zayne would have thought him weird (unfortunately he already does, Caleb).

The next day, he gets to work finding you, searching around for a ’y/n l/n‘ in their office, it was easy enough, they don't question him at all, being apart of the student union had it’s perks, he found your student file within the database and copied down your schedule. He stares at it for a full minute, letting it sink in, he feels his heart beat incredibly fast.

Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dumpbadumpbadumpbadump—!

You were here.

You were not a hallucination.

He can finally talk to you again.

The next week, he spends the time following you around, figuring out your routine, you like going to the library to read books for pleasure but you prefer studying in the open space-but away from the crowd, he keeps his distance, often watching you while pretending to be doing something, he wears a disguise as he doesn’t want to scare you if you believe it’s him in the flesh.

He stays close—not too close but close enough to keep an eye on you. He swears he’s not being weird. It comes to him that you probably know they were here, i mean he was a literally a part of the student council—you had to have heard his name on the intercoms right? Or maybe you didn’t pay attention to those things, Caleb remembers you were forgetful like that, it takes you a good minute to put names to faces after it’s been a while. Or—maybe you were too shy to approach him!

An imaginary lightbulb dings on top of his head. oh no

Then he should find you instead—maybe you were waiting for him to make his move instead.

A new day starts and he finds you in one of the many picnic tables scattered across the school grounds. He feels his palms get sweaty, seeing you in the flesh up close was nerve-wrecking,

What does he say?

You turn a bit, almost facing him and a stuttered gasp leaves him—you really were the loveliest thing he’s ever seen. Hair in that messy bun you always think looks like shitty bird’s nest, no sweater this time, instead you wore a loose cropped t-shirt with a pair of snug jeans hugging your legs, you seem to be busying yourself with something on your laptop, a look of confusion adorning your cute face as you squint your eyes to whatever you’re looking at, as though in disgust.

He gulps, why did that look so hot?, a breeze passes by and your shirt rides up, a bit of creamy skin blesses his eyes and he swears he’s melting, there was a breeze just now and yet he feels too hot underneath his clothes—!

He mentally slaps himself and makes the walk to go to you (finally).

I’m ready, i’m gonna go up to her and tell her everything i need to—no no.

He stops halfway, just a few feet behind, suddenly the fear of rejection grips him once more, ‘what if she doesn’t listen, what if she truly really hates me and there’s no chance of redemption? No matter how much i beg?’

Is that okay for you?

For him?

You were right there, so close—so near yet he can’t get any closer, he feels his throat closing up and his eyes burn, he wants to talk to you, to hold you, feel you, smell you..

But he can’t…

So he runs,

Like a coward.

You hear footsteps behind and a shiver runs down your spine, you quickly turn around, but see nothing, your eyes scrutinize the open area behind, going over the leaves that fall and the trees that sway, you crane your neck a bit, maybe someone hiding in the trees? Behind them?

Feeling weirded out and a bit unsafe, you quickly gather your things and leave, leaving not a trace of you behind—-or so you thought.

Caleb breathes heavily behind one of the trees he was hiding, “ too close…” he pants, removing the cap he used to hide his face, any slower and she would’ve seen me!

He lenas back against the tree, he hears your footsteps walking away, he waits a moment, making sure you’ve left before he turns around, he stares at the picnic table you were just at, trying to re-imagine your form that was just sitting there, occupied with the problems of being a college student.

He turns to leave before something catches his eye, something on the picnic bench, something you left…

He walks forward, carefully moving step by step as though trying not to scare away whatever was there, he looks down—a handkerchief, you left your handkerchief.

He picks it up with a careful hand, taking a good look at it, it was pink and covered with the designs of cutely drawn Sweets and bunnies—very you he agrees.

Without hesitation, he brings it to his nose, taking a deep breathe..

Oh…

You were deadly,

This was deadly.

Was this your natural scent? Did you use it to wipe the sweat off your forehead when it gets too hot out? maybe wipe your hands when it gets too sweaty from writing so much…..it smells soo good, he doesn’t feel an ounce of shame when he feels his eyes roll to the back of his head at another whiff, eyes fluttering when the smell of you enters his lungs.

A shaky exhale leaves his mouth, and he takes a while to control his bearings, to become a normal fucking human that doesn’t follow people around and sniff their personal belongings like an animal—

He whimpers, a familiar feeling overcomes him, instantly he knew what the problem was…

He was hard.

He got fucking hard,

at the scent of your handkerchief…

Oh… he’s fuuuuucked.

He groans, leaning against the table with his palms, the dainty fabric clutched tight in his hand, his pants felt too tight and suffocating and he needs to reign himself in before someone sees him and reports him for being a degenerate. In Public.

He doesn’t need any more disapproving looks for Zayne.

He looks at the cloth in his hands, he’ll…keep it--for now

Yeah..he’ll hold onto it for you…just until he can give it back—

He’ll make sure to be careful not the mention the amount of times he’ll wring his dick dry to his only connection to you, the fabric held tight, pressed right up against his nose while he jacked off desperately, cock throbbing with need as pathetic whimpers leave his mouth, sweat collects at the back of his neck despite the cool air and he sobs as he cums for the fourth time that night. Your scent drives him crazy and he can’t help himself.

He’ll make sure to not get any of his dirty cum on it, he wants to give it back nice and untainted.

He’ll make sure to give it back…

——————————————————————————————-

When he finally gets to meet you again, it’s at a party, Gideon’s to be exact, honestly he doesn’t know why he’s here; he’s got multiple tests tomorrow and a report he hasn’t even started researching yet he’s here in a room full of room who know him but don’t want to kniow him.

Something catches his eye and he see you—walking away.

You’re here too? He feels hopeful now, looking at the red cup in his hand, still half full with whatever alcohol Gideon supplied them with, he decides to chug it all down in one go, hoping the liquid courage will help him get through what he needs to do tonight.

Following after you, he sees that you're alone on a balcony, looking out into the night. Clad in a white cropped tee and cargo pants, it looked so simple, so comfortable so….

you.

You looked every bit of the word beautiful and he hopes his words doesn’t slur.

“hey..” here it goes, he waits for a reply, “umm.. nice night out?” He hears you chuckle, still looking over the world below, it sounds like angels. “ something like that…” you don’t turn to him, perhaps unaware the man you’re talking to is the same one who broke your heart a year ago.

“Are you…waiting for someone?” He asks, he finally gets the courage to stand beside you, leaning against the railing, he looks in whatever direction your eyes face toward, “something…like that” your reply this time was soft.

He gulps. His peripheral vision looks to you.

He registers that fact that he’s scared, his heart is beating fast, too fast and he wonders if you can hear it.

“I wonder....if they’ve been waiting for me?” you said after a while, “ i hope they weren’t too angry with me for leaving so suddenly…” you sigh, looking up to the sky as though you can find whoever you were looking for up there.

he stares at you, unable to say anything for a while, “ i think..” he clears his throat, “Maybe….they have been waiting for you…patiently” he says this with pathetic hope in his voice, was he trying to convince you? Or himself? “ and..i don’t think they’ll mind waiting a little longer…until you’re ready to come to them..”

…..

“ is that right?” You say almost in a whisper, “they won’t mind waiting for me? Even if I never will be?” He’s breathing through his mouth now, a slight tremor goes through him, was it the cold? He can’t tell.

his mind screams at him to turn yet he can’t look at you,

Hecanthecanthecant—

His body feels too stiff, tongue heavy like lead and his mind is blank..he wants to look at you, hold you and tell how much he loves you, but his body betrays him.

He wishes you were braver, and as though you heard him he feels you move—

“It’s been a while..” you finally turn, looking straight at him,

His breathe hitches,

“Caleb.”

PREVIOUS PART / NEXT PART

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Badumtssss, anyway i just wanna let people know the non!mc in this fic isn’t a hateful or the type to be angry and hold grudges, i think it fits and although i love the petty type, i don’t feel it’s right to completely change her from her core attributes, i also am soft-hearted so i hope some of you can relate to this mc, i’ll try my best to create different types of non!mcs in the future.

So there will be grovelling and crying but non!mc is a diva and she will hold her head high and be the bigger person. (No matter how painful)

That’s all for this chapter, stay tuned for the next~!

TAGLIST: I WILL ONLY TAG THOSE THAT EXPLICITLY SAY THEY WANT TO BE TAGGED, I WON’T TAG YOU OTHERWISE TO AVOID ISSUES.