#ixor'semo

First contribution to SWTAW!

cool down sketch from the livestream. :)

I accidentally slept like 13 hours yesterday, so I meant to get more of these done but I will just have to leave some for tomorrow.

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Been a rough few weeks and I can't rightly go into all of it here, but things are looking up. I've finally gotten some sleep and my work has been improving and getting back up to the one hundred and ten percent that I demand of myself.

Last few weeks were a great journey of soul searching and accepting things I didn't really accept. Like the fact that I am, for the most part, disgusted by most aliens.

Which is just hilarious considering I've devoted my life to one. 

I do wish Ixor would have been actually angry at me for a bit, so I knew it affected him like it affected me, but he isn't one to actually care about things that happened in the past which is good, I guess. I still feel rightfully upset I had only gotten to know him since he was Sith, but he was right to say that it didn't really matter how it had happened, all the matters is that it did. 

Submitted my resume and official request of transfer to Outreach, but I have yet to actually hear anything back yet. 

Well, I did get a message but I've been rather nervous about actually reading it. Maybe I'll get Ixor to do it.

Things are going a little better with my father. We actually went out for lunch together and he read over a few of my scripts that I sent to Outreach with my resume. We actually had a civil conversation for once in a few long time. He even asked about Ixor's new apprentice and offered an invitation for him to stay there, should he need a place to sleep whilst on Dromund Kaas. 

Oh, Ixor did get himself an apprentice, a little Twi'lek, actually. He's young, like sixteen or so.

I hope I don't have to feed him.

His last apprentice died in the tombs. It was Genna's brother, so she's going to be a wreck. Guess I have to deal with that.

I also have to go to Belsavis at the end of next week. How fantastic. Worst is I'm going there alone and having to pose as a prisoner. 

Oh yes. I look soooo intimidating, Bi'ev. You are such a brilliant Sith.

Ugh.

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Finally got to meet up with Lana last evening. It's just bloody fantastic to see her again. I've missed her a lot.

I don't know if I would consider the few people I chat with friends, they don't know me like Ixor does or how Lana did. They know Musicals, they don't know Obisen. My dreams and fears and hopes and all that other rubbish. Only Ixor and Lana know all those things.

I'm glad to have her back, I just hope it's actually her. I know how they treat the Eugenics kids, but she does remember a lot of things from when we were younger, so I know she's still there. I sent her a lot of old holoimages from when we were younger, when I stole mum's camera to bring to the Academy. Stars, the ones where we would stand far away and look off into the distance and remove all the colour from them! And the tilted ones we took of ourselves. 

Ixor printed one of those on Flimsi for me a while back. I could always use more pictures for my desk.

Tes's diet is going well. He's already half a kilogram! Soon he'll be a fit, sleek little sleen who can go for runs with me.

Mum made him a little headband to help with his jogs. My mum is a nerd.

Hrm. What else? Oh!

Ixor is looking to find a way to become a Darth since his Master, Darth Voidscream is seldom around. Stars, I remember how he used to hang on his every word but now, he's far past that. I would even go on to say he's done more than his Master. At least he hasn't curled up and sobbed when I did something to upset him. At least, I don't think he has. I know he gets rather upset and frustrated when he can't fix things, but nothing to the point of tears...I don't think.

I know he can become a Darth. He's clever, smart, bloody fantastic with his sabers and will do the things he needs to do to get what he wants, but he keeps worrying about me. My problems, my issues, my lack of sleep, my work, my happiness.

He says I'm his strength, I push him forward, I keep him going but I truly feel that if he keeps putting me ahead of him, I will become his weakness. I will weaken him.

And a weak Sith is not one that lives a long, happy life in a small house in a backyard with an akk dog and a sleen. 

If he keeps doing this, I will end up killing him. He doesn't see it, he says my issues are much more deadly, but no. I do not have to worry about another Agent seeing I have a weakness and using that to end me. He does.

These are the days I wish he wasn't Sith. Though, if he wasn't...

Ugh!

I need a nap. 

Scratch that. Picking up...all sorts of wonderful things for Bi'ev. Hurrah.

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