#itsagirl

I got impatient. Chapter 44, the final chapter of It's a girl is up now.

Hotchniss finds out they are expecting a little girl. Aaron can't understand why Emily had drawn in on herself after the news of their baby's gender reveal. Until he finally understands her somber mood.

Notes:

I'm not a mom, but I hope to one day maybe be one, if that's how my life turns out. I do know what it's like to have a shitty upbringing.

But more importantly, also much like Emily, I do know what it's like to be a girl who only wants to see beauty in the world. And to have that outlook threatened and/or taken away.

Yet, to try and do everything in your power to protect anyone else from ever having to experiencing that kind of lesson first hand.

🤗Apologies for grammar errors, I haven't edited it yet. I still hope you all enjoy this piece🥺👉💔👈.

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The day they found out the gender of their child, they were over the moon upon discovering they were having a daughter. Neither parent had actually cared what the test showed, they just wanted a happy and healthy child. That didn't mean they hadn't both been secretly hoping for a girl.

Emily had wanted a daughter because in every dream, or vision of their life together she pictured an adorable little girl who worshipped the ground her protective older brother Jack walked on. The most precious little angel that would have her big strong, stoic, elite FBI agent father wrapped around her tiny little fingers.

She also knew Aaron secretly wanted a girl as well. His eyes sparkled a little brighter when they discussed the feminine names suggested for girls as opposed to the more masculine ones commonly used for boys. Emily could understand why he may have been hoping for a little girl, but she didn't know the most important factor was herself.

Aaron wanted a little girl for many reasons, the most important being his Emily. He wanted a daughter the spitting image of her mother, with her spitfire sass and open heart. The love he had for Emily was all consuming and the best feeling in the world.

He wanted a daughter because he knew she would have the greatest role model in the world. A woman who had endless strength, empathy, and kindness for others.

He knew Emily would teach her to be strong, brave, and how to protect herself from the horrors of the world. Through her parentage, their daughter would be an unstoppable force of nature, who knew how to take care of herself but also when it was time to ask for help. She would learn how to be a well-adjusted fully functional human being through her upbringing. But more importantly he had no doubt she would be a good person because of her mother's unconditional love alone.

When they found out it was a girl they had both bawled their eyes out almost as hard as when they heard her heartbeat for the first time. Both Emily and Aaron were beyond elated with the information they learned and how their baby was progressing as she should.

Later when they got home and had time to let the news settle, Aaron couldn't comprehend how increasingly quiet or withdrawn Emily had become as the day went on. He planned to give her some time and space to work through whatever she needed, hoping she felt inclined to confide in him when she was ready.

He would find out later that night, hours after they had gone to bed. When he discovered Emily wasn't beside him anymore and he decided to go see if she was ready to talk. He had expected many likely scenarios of what she had gotten up to, knowing her pregnancy meant more than he was ever sure he would fully be able to understand.

But that night he got a glimpse into the beautiful heart and brain of the woman who he planned to spend the rest of his life with. He found the love of his life asleep in the rocking chair Dave had gifted them in their nursery. Upon closer inspection, he could see the distinct tear stains marrying her gorgeous face, despite the dichotomous look of peace she had in slumber.

Her body was leaned back as far as it could comfortably go for what the chair would allow in its current unmoving state. Emily's left hand protectively cradled the precious bump he couldn't wait to see grow larger in the comming weeks. But it was in her right hand, arm dangling over the armrest, he spotted an unfamiliar, lavender coloured piece of paper, delicately clasped in her relaxed grip.

Aaron brushed the hair out of her eyes even if it didn't hinder her slumber in anyway. He carefully planted a kiss on her temple, considering his next course of action.

He was silently debating the merits of chancing waking her to carry her back to bed for a more comfortable rest. But part of him didn't want to risk breaking the waves of the deep REM cycle she had found where she was. Until he watched the paper he barely observed before, precariously slip from her dainty fingers, breaking his original train of thought.

He crouched down to retrieve the item she dropped, unable to stop himself from reading what was written, when he saw her familar script. In his hands he held a letter written to their unborn daughter from the woman who slept soundly beside him.

Aaron knew it was an grievance offence to read the private words she clearly meant for their child, based on the first three words he allowed himself to read. But, he couldn't stop himself from getting a peek into her current state of mind as of late.

He glanced up to make sure she was still asleep before taking a quiet and deep breath, accepting his choice. Just hoping Emily wouldn't be too mad or disappointed with him, whenever she found out he read her personal letter without her permission. He hated breaking her trust in any way but he needed to know what it said.

Bringing his attention back to the letter he had found, he re-read the first three words knowing Emily was the bigger person and would undoubtedly forgive him for this intrusion. He slowly and carefully read the rest of the note, not wanting to miss a single letter, word, sentence, or thought and feeling she had written about.

Hello little one (or not so little one when you hopefully read this),

I'm your mommy, but I guess by the time you're reading this you might just call me mom or more defiantly mother, but hopefully not Emily.

I'm sorry that was terrible humour, I'm just nervous. It doesn't matter what you call me now, I just needed to get my thoughts down on paper before they completely overwhelmed me and I gave your father an actual coronary.

You're not even here yet, and I already love you more than almost anyone else. The only other person who takes up the same depth, strength, and amount of love in my heart is your big brother Jack, who I can't wait for you to have the best bond with.

Your father however comes in a close second, but the love I have for him is something else entirely. Something I hope you one day find for yourself because it's the most glorious feeling to be loved by someone who sees you wholly and loves you inspite of your faults and flaws.

I can't even begin to try and explain how fiercely, wholly and unconditionally we all love you already sweet girl. How much we all can't wait to meet you and watch the beautiful person you grow up to be.

I've dreamt about every precious detail of you and all the possibilities of who you can become. And I am already beyond proud of whatever path you choose to take as long as you are being true to yourself. It's a catch 22 because as much as I can't wait to see who you become, I also want you to stay little and innocent, so you can be mine forever.

Today we found out you're a girl, that we're having a daughter. I know the words sound simple and silly, I'm being a little hormonal and too sentimental. But, I'm sorry, I can't help it sweet girl, I've been waiting for this my whole life.

I still haven't fully digested the news, because I've wanted you, dreamt of you, for far longer than I can begin to fathom. You, Jack, your father. Our home, this family, it means the world to me.

It represents everything I have ever wanted and needed in my life. I just can't believe it's really happening, some days I'm terrified this is all an actual dream.

But, then I feel you move inside me and I know it's real. And I think of all the things I want to tell you, all the lessons I want to help you learn. Every milestone I hope I can be present for, all the wonderful memories we make together. I can't wait to cherish each and every moment I get with you.

I find myself loving you more with every passing second, and It hurts my heart knowing I can't protect you from every possible feeling and scenario my brain contemplates. But there are a few things I am certain of.

I want you and me to have the relationship I never had with my mom. But more than anything, I want you to feel safe, loved, cherished, important, supported, and at home in my arms.

I want to give you everything and be the person you run to when you're hurt, sick, and/or can't work out a problem. I want to be the first person you tell about every success, as well as your failures. As selfish as it sounds I want to always be one of the most important people in your life.

I don't want you to look back 15, 20, or even 30 years from now, wondering if I loved you or was proud of the amazing, strong, gorgeous woman you became. Because I know there is nothing you could do that would make me love you any less than I already do. The love I feel for you now, I know it can only grow and mature from here.

And one day I hope you will find someone (regardless of their gender) who you will love and be cherished by, like I've found with your father. Baby, I just want you to be healthy, safe, happy and loved. I want you to find your place in this world and the people that make you feel at home. Your father's love may be the best gift in this life I've ever received.

But you, Jack, and any other possible siblings who come after, are the greatest, most cherished accomplishments I will have ever achieved. And if kids are something you want, I know you will understand then, the capacity of the love I have for you right now in this moment.

If for whatever reason you lose me in life, know I did every I possibly could to stay for you. But, I know with or without me, you will be ok. Because there is not a single doubt in my mind that there are a dozen of others besides me, who already love you too. And I trust most of them with life and am certain they will do right by you and protect you in this world if I can't.

As unrealistic as it is, all I want for you my precious little baby is to have a good, long, and healthy life. I want you to experience and know the full beauty of friendships, unconditional love, and acceptance.

I don't want you to be afraid of the cruelties, injustice and things you can't fix in this world. But I know you're going to experience it all anyway, and it's going to change you and take pieces of who you were.

I just need you to be true to yourself, and try to be brave when it matters most. That you will be stronger than me and won't be afraid to go after true love and things your heart wants. That you won't overthink every aspect of your life and hold yourself back out of fear.

I'm just terrified I'm not going to be enough for you, that I'm going to screw up and make mistakes and unintentionally hurt you. I'm scared I'm not cut out to be a mom. I didn't have the best role model or example growing up.

So I apologise in advance for all the things I'm going to get wrong, just know I will always try my best, because you are my top priority.

I just want to be able to protect you and give you everything you deserve in this life. Because I know what the world can do to a girl who just sees beauty in it, and I don't want that to happen to you. I will do everything in my power to be there for you, in your life as long as I possibly can.

I love you, I will always love you no matter what, that's the one promise I can keep to you. I hope you have felt every once of love I have dreamed about for you, while I was writing this letter and then some.

I can't think of any better way to eloquently word the wisdom I wish to bestow upon you. So in the words of my favourite author "Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place".

I love you more with every passing second. Forever and always,

∞xox∞ Your Mommy ∞xox∞

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Aaron couldn't stop the overwhelming tears that dripped like a broken faucet from his eyes. He was beyond overcome by the words she had written. He couldn't believe Emily could even begin to think for a second she wasn't going to be a more than adequate mother for their daughter.

That she wasn't going to be the most important person ever in their little girl's world. This was the one person who had the power to make him and his son feel loved, safe, and seen from her presence alone. Their daughter was the luckiest child to ever exist, having Emily as her mom.

He looked back up at the woman in question, surprised to discover she was awake Yet he was more in awe of the depth of love and the tears reflected back at him.

Aaron couldn't stop himself from uttering the only thing that made sense and mattered to both his heart and mind in that moment. Knowing he would regret waiting any second more than he already had, he finally said the words he had been thinking since their first kiss.

"Emily Prentiss, will you marry me"?!?

can you guess the gender? 🍼