#itllbeokay

Dear Friend,

Coming out was such a life-changing experience for me. Obviously. I came out to my friends in college because I saw them everyday. When I came home, I knew I had to come out to my family. This was the SCARIEST moment in my entire life. There were so many thoughts going through my head. . . “What if they kick me out?” “What if they don’t accept me?” “What if my mom and dad never talk to me again?” 

I took this step by step. 

First, I told my little sister. I texted her and I explained how I was feeling and what I believe is going on. Her response? It may shock you. It shocked me. She said, and I quote, “C, I have known my whole life.” You did what now? You knew?! In my head I thought, “How did you know and I didn’t even know? Wait, did I secretly know and just couldn’t admit it to myself? Probably... Damn.” She was so supportive. I told her my fear of telling our mom and dad. She told me that they would be supportive and accepting because they have been that way our whole lives.  

So, next I traveled home to see my mom first. I was so nervous. My palms were so sweaty and my heart was beating so hard I swore I was going to have a heart attack at 21. When I explained to her what I was feeling and what was going on I finally told her “I am gay.” She paused. She looked at me, put her hand on my shoulder and said, and again I quote, “My girl, I have known for a while. I have been waiting for you to tell me. Every time I thought you were about to tell me you told me about some boy. . . ” WHAT?! Am I the ONLY one that didn’t freakin’ know?! She then proceeded to explain to me that she has known since I was in about 8th grade. . . 8TH GRADE!? Oh come on! She told me the story of how I could NOT stop talking about this girl that I met during that time in my life and how beautiful she was. She got the gist. 

Lastly, it was my dad that I had to tell now. Not only did I have to go through all the anxiety again but I had to drive all the way to his house and my mom called him as I was on my way there to “update him on the news”. When I got to my dads, I was crying. I was upset but happy at the same time. But also full of anxiety and panic. A lot of emotions go into coming out, let me tell you. It’s freakin’ exhausting! My dad said with open arms for a hug, “Hi, you’re okay. Do you feel better getting all that crap off your chest now?” 

Yup, I sure damn do dad! 

The lesson from coming out: Trust your gut. Start off slow with the people you trust the most. Explain all your feelings and understand that it is okay if people don’t accept you. If they don’t accept you for who you are it means that they didn’t truly care about you in the first place. You are not alone in this process and having a support system is so important. Your support system could be 100’s of people, 10’s of people or just 1. And that is COMPLETELY okay! 

She loved so hard

Thinking pressure

Could turn coal

To diamond

But she was glass

And she shattered