Top Posts Tagged with #it wont be... too hard im.. i just... uh...

Learn from who? Learn from you?

Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)

#kiseki: dear to me #kisekiedit #kdtm #kiseki dear to me #ai di x chen yi #chen yi x ai di #nat chen #chen bowen #louis chiang #chiang tien #jiang dian #userspring #uservid #pdribs #userspicy #userjjessi #*cajedit #*gif #uh huh. mmhm. parallels and shit #OK LIKE. in nice words ai di essentially tells chen yi to go for it BUT bc hes a Lil Shit he says it like 'use force to PROVE how you feel.#followed by '.....OH WAIT YOU CANT BEAT HIM'. the way he rubs that in chen yi's face too like it isnt even 'youre weaker than him.'#it's you're LOWER than him. & thats why ai di calls him a coward bc therell always be a divide between chen yi & cdy that chen yi wont cros #and the point of this is - okay i know chen yi is literally picking ai di up and throwing him around here but also you have to remember #ai di LETS HIM. ai di doesnt fight back as hard as he could and that puts them on EVEN. EQUAL. GROUND. every time.#& yeah theres some comedy to it but you cant Ever forget that ai di wants chen yi to want him. needs it. he's faking sleep in the 1st scene #and once chen yi realizes what he wants he puts everything he has into keeping it - inadvertently taking ai di's advice by doing so -#& expresses it in every kind of way too. whatever it takes. bc between the two of them its not just 'bring him back' it's 'bring him HOME'#in a way thats based on the constantly being witness to the worst of each other & choosing it AND. years and layers of trust & love.#..ok only I would take a gifset of chen yi picking ai di up & make it abt how their relationship is perfectly balanced. but im right so idc #the last one ties it all together in my onion. chen yi got him home. and ai di's deliberately allowing himself to be loved. they won

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just wanted to draw the outfits

#satsuhart #fe3h au #octopath traveler 2 #octopath traveler ii #i almost wrote church of aelfric bc well uh.. but then i was like yeah i wont think about it too hard #i like how customizable the officers academy outfit is #edit: adding some extra thoughts spoilers for both octo2 and fe3h #im kinda surprised at how well this fits LMAO the profs especially like. while castti is very diff from manuela #the 'nurse and school teacher' works nicely ... and hanneman being insane abt his research #idw think too hard about how the church works here i dont think teme would be a manakete hes just the obvious choice for church man.#octo2

I am so normal and well adjusted [reads the company's entire employee code of conduct document as part of my research prep because ???? Normal things, I guess]

I also did research into questions they ask at interviews and I'll do more tomorrow and also plan out questions of my own to ask them too. Im going to be so cool and confident and normal. And I will get this job.

#speculation nation #my suit is washed and dried and hung up and ready for me tomorrow #i am going to hate wearing it. soooo much.#i am going to feel like a ridiculous tryhard. i will also stress clean my living room. Must Be Spotless.#but for now. i need to make sure im well rested. thats one of the most important things i can do to prepare #it's good to do question prep and pretty essential to make sure i & my environment are presentable #but above it all. i need to rest. to make sure my brain is working the best that it can be.#i need that thing to be working right to be able to think and answer questions smoothly and well #i need to be confident yet friendly. i need to be able to remember words. i need to not fumble my words.#i need to not constantly say 'uh'. this one is hard. im generally not too bad at stopping myself from saying them #a pause to think is better than a filler 'uh'. sometimes it can slip thru tho. especially if im tired.#im going to put on my worksona and be like 'yes i Do dream of being forced into situations and talking to people'#'yes i am so ready to be hired!' im worried about whether they could have a problem with my piercings #or my side shave. but tbh my hair is so thick and generally dark so it's not actually immediately obvious #kinda blends in? i like having it tho but hopefully it wont be a problem #ok i just looked it up and im seeing some ppl say it's allowed Now. but previously it wasnt #so thats probably going to be one of my questions tomorrow. if i have to take my nose piercing out for work itd b annoying #but not the end of the world. it's old enough it'd be fine with that. but if they dont want even the hole there lol #then it wouldnt be worth going past this first interview. better to know it right away and all.#gotta think of any other concerns... i guess any of my anxieties are potential sources of questions to ask #as i am interviewing THEM as well!!! tho to a significantly lesser degree 😂😂#im just going to be thinking about this for the entire time until it's done. man i hate dealing with Events

I'll probably never know if I actually don't want kids or if I'm just too scared about passing on bad genes and have them suffer and that's sad

#miranda talking shit #Idk i cant ever seperate it bc if i ever think id like to be a parent at some point i immediately think #About how big the chances are of me passing on my deppression/anxiety. Like i have asd and add and i think they cause a lot of problems #I still thinl my major anxiety and depression issues is my biggest concern. And the fact my mother have family history of bpd and #Schizofrenia and the unknown factor of my dads dad family history like mmm...#Bc i kinda wish i wasnt born in this world bc of my mental problems making it so hard. I dont think id ever forgive myself if #I had an child which had the same view as me bc of mental illness. Idk how high the chances are to pass on stuff like this #But like since i have so much to 'choose' from i feel like its at least 20%. And thats just with my gene pool #If the other parent also have mental health problems that would go up...#Yeah in my mid 20s and many of the girls in my age group is or have gotten kids and im like yea #Part of me would like to be a mom. Like id love the shit out of the kid and try to be the best parent i can #But i can never escape the real possibility of bringing a child into the world with same or similar mental issues i have #Im a guilt driven person and like that idea by itself makes me want to jump off a cliff lmao #So im uh... Maybe i want kids but i probably wont go through with it bc im terrified of the possilites #Idk how commkn it is to think aboht this. Any guy friend i have either really want kids or are like 'well yeah getting a wife and some kids #Is the plan i guess' and girl friends its either i dont want kids i hate them or the same 'yeah an husband and some kids is the plan'#If i ever did have a kid ill have to be with the most caring and calm guy lol. Otherwise id be too scared and deppressed about the #The idea of the worst happening. Its 3 am no idk why this is tonights subject but it is apparently

tubbo pls release your song

#it’s stuck in my head so bad #I DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE FOUND MYSELF A WHOLE NEW REALM OF KNOWLEDGE #LOOK JM A SIMPLE GATHERER AMONG A WORLD PF HUNTERS #UH OH ON THE TRENDING TAB HOPE THIS WONT BE ENDING BAD CHECKING ANALYTICS IS LIKE WORKING JN A FORENSICS LAB #OH LORD LIFES GETTING HARD IM TOO YOUNG FOR A CREDIT CAR #AND I CRASHED THE VERY FIRST TIME I DROVE MY PARENTS CAR #TEAR DROPS WE MADE FRIENDS BETWEEN SCREENS AND DEEP SEAS #IF IM GONNA BE HONEST I NEED A LITTLE SPACE TO BREATH AND IM LIVING AND LOVING MY LIFE BY THE SEA #just some of my favorite lyrics that i can remember off the top of my head #tubbo release the song pls you’ve been talking about it for months #take your time and whatever but pls oh my god i want to blast it on repeat

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uh oh unexpected binge time 😔😔😔

#i usually try to let myself have one day a week to uh fuck up bc otherwise im way too hard on myself but i thought i was going to make it #through today :) no.#disappointed but im not going to be too hard on myself ... and hopefully i wont purge but who knows if i keep this up :-)#trash trash trash #i just have to buckle down this weekend and next week ... really want to reachy first gw by next friday

so after a lot of deliberation on what im going to do with the graduation money i never spent (previous options including a cello but ive always been a kinda garbage instrumentalist unfortunately) my offered to pitch in too to try and find some western tack for Jazz because fuck it, yknow, i can make him into a versatile little pony

haven’t decided on anything yet but if anyone knows of anything in, like, the $400-$800 range (i ain’t getting fancy, just something comfortable to dick around with), that’d be kinda cool

#my mom’s looking at mr saddle on etsy but something about his pricing makes me suspicious #i might just buy used instead but im not sure #is western saddle sizing different than english? like seat wise?#both of my current saddles are too small for me idk what size i even am anymore #nor do i know how to find one properly sized for Jazz #but hes a kinda typical little stockhorse so hopefully it wont be hard?#im hoping ill still find the money afterwards to buy a binder too but uh. yeehaw #getting to asks in just a sec sry #t.txt #horse #equestrian

ok feck labels im just vibing now

#i am not anything ever. words are too hard #im just chillin #considering switching labels like. Again #why bother i can just. not call myself anythin #ughuguh why is shit so hard #who could i possibly like? it doesnt matter abt possibilities it wont affect my life in any way #all itll do for me is let me wear either this flag or that flag #i like flags. and terminology #do i use this word? do i use that word?#same w gender. ugh #im feeling much more fluid than usual lately and its fucking me up #and i guess shouting it hidden in tags to strangers is the easiest way to talk abt it #but uh. feel fucking bad lately !!!!!#feeling really strange lately. really bad #if any1 wants to send some affirmation shit to me thatd be sexy of you #no pressure tho. i prob wont post anything i get either ill just keep it for myself #but im :/#me: yo can i add this pronoun to my list.#everyone i have ever spoken to: yes ily. never gonna use it though. ever.#jesus i wish i could just talk about shit that bothered me #i feel so fucking guilty and ashamed each time tho. who fuckin knows why #im the kinda person thats 100% open about everythin but i freeze up when it comes to this shit #guess its easier to treat shit like a diary i guess. back on my bullshit #using tumblr as a personal diary.#anyway ill prob just say fluid and like bi or smth idk. for now. this may soon change.#w gender i honestly just say whatever im feelin in the moment and its usually agender but #lately its been goin stronger to like. an actual something. so who the fuck knows anything. not me #kolo emerges #i guess one of the reasons labels are so important to me to figure out #is because with every new 'What If Im Wrong' i feel more and more like an invader to that space

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