#isitwrongthatiloveangst?

Toji leaves because he's a pussy like most men 🤷‍♀️ not proofread as usual

“Are you really just going to walk away, Toji?” My voice wavered as the words left my mouth.

My throat was sore. So sore and raw. It was tired of all the yelling, the copper taste in my mouth telling me all I needed to know.

His broad frame filled the door, his back to me. I stared at his muscles and saw how they rippled, reminding me of all the times I would give him a massage after a long day of work or clean him up when he was especially tired. Reminding me that this might be the last time I ever saw that frame again. 

Toji always had a way of sticking his nose in my business and being involved in my life, but I knew that if he didn't want to be found, he wouldn’t. 

“I’m just trying to protect you, doll” His voice was gruff and low. 

His voice was so quiet, so different than how he usually was. The words came out pained.

“Protect me from what?” My voice softened too. Tears welled up in my eyes as the reality of the situation sunk in. I swallowed the lump in my throat, I couldn't, wouldn't, cry in front of him. Not now.

“From me.” 

“I don’t need protection from you.” He stilled before slowly turning around to face me.

His green eyes were intense and fixed on me. His movements were almost predatory as he stalked closer. The more I backed away, a shiver running up my spine, the closer he got. My back hit the wall and suddenly I had nowhere else to run. 

My gaze jumped from his legs that kept moving in my direction back to his eyes. He never wavered, not once. Then he was standing right in front of me. He looked down to meet my eyes, an expression on his face that I'd never seen before. All he did was stare at me for a moment. His breath ragged as if he had run a mile.

A gasp left my lips when he slammed his fist beside my head. I jumped away from him only for his other hand to enclose me there. I had no other choice but to stay put.

“I can’t make you happy. I don’t know why you can’t see that.” He was practically seething, leaning down until he was so close that our breaths mingled together.

My eyes widened in surprise as I took in his words. I opened my mouth to argue back but he kept going.

“Don’t. Just let me- fuck,” he let out a sigh his eyes squeezing shut as his head hung down finally tearing his gaze away from me “I can’t fucking do this anymore, baby.” 

His arms gently snaked around me and his head found its way to the crook of my neck breathing me in. 

“You deserve so much more than I can give you. So much more than I could ever give you. I knew it from the day I met you, but I was selfish, wanting to keep you all to myself.” 

My voice stuttered his words. My hands stayed at my sides not knowing what to do.

“You’re too sweet for me. The only thing I’ve ever known is violence and pain and you’re… you’re practically shitting rainbows.” He let out a ragged chuckle against me

“I see how it much it hurts you when I can’t communicate my feeling, when I’m cold, when I fuck up for the millionth time. I want to be different, I wish I were different, but I’m not.” He sucked in a breath before leaning back to face me again

“You need someone who won’t keep breaking you. I won’t watch myself break you.” 

This time he completely stepped back, leaving me cold without his warm embrace. I stood there in shock not being able to form a single word. When he took another step back, I snapped back to reality.

The tears I had been holding in finally bubbled over. He watched a pain expression on his face as the first tear ran down my cheek only to be instantly followed by another. He clenched his hands so hard that his knuckles turned white. 

“Don’t do this to me, Toji” He ripped his eyes away from me. Not being able to handle the emotion in my voice. The way my voice hiccuped and how weak the sound was.

This time he turned and didn’t look back. I watched as he gathered his things, not having the balls to face me anymore.

“I love you.” He stilled at that

“I know, doll.” I hated the pity I heard in his voice. 

“What am I supposed to do without you?” My voice broke completely this time at the same time as my heart. The tears were like a waterfall now, flowing out of my eyes with no signs of stopping.

“Be happy.” He sounded unfazed this time.

“Fuck you.” I bit out, he only laughed.

He made his way back to the door, never once did I see those green eyes turn to me.

“Bye, doll.” He said it casually as if he was just leaving for work and not literally walking out of my life.

I crumpled to the floor, my sobs the only thing that could be heard. Then, the silent click of the door filled my ears. I cried even harder drawing my head into my knees. 

That night I passed out on the floor only to wake up in the bed, neatly tucked under the covers. I instantly got up looking for him, but all he was gone. All traces of him as well. His clothes and things were gone, making the tears come back for a second round.