i suddenly stumbled up to this song: we almost broke up again. i cried like actually cried. this reminds me of how i used to tolerate shits.

Bullshit repeats itself Is that how the saying goes? Been here a thousand times Selective memory though

that's the part of the entrance of the song.

sometimes i feel trapped when i'm tolerating someone just because there is an innocent wishful thinking of 'i know he can do better'. the biggest emotional miscalculation i ever experienced in my whole life is i made certain someone became the main character of my tale.

when he entered the auditorium just because he wants to be a peripheral character, i ended up spinning an entire narrative. he lives under the spotlight he never asked. i built the stage, i wrote the script, i casted him inside my head. his failure was only against a script he never agreed to. it's never his fault. mostly me. i built a whole arc for someone who only wants to be a spectator.

i amazed how i could be the whole builder when i was in love. I could raise a moon from his shards of stones. but eventually, i ended up disappointed when i realize all the bullshit. sometimes i thought: no one even deserves such loyalty.

now i treat people like seasons. they reflect what chapter i currently lived by.

idc please leave me fucking alone if you just need to fulfill your ego. i didn't exist bearing this whole pit of hell called living on this fucking earth to feed your ego.

emotionally immature men does not deserve a good life. may all who hurt me live eternally in looped karma. this includes the men who will enter my life and mess me up again in the future.

from the bottom of my heart, whoever hurts me, may you rot under fascism.