#is this technically

When the yaoi so doomed it drags you out of hibernation

-🤖

the whole thing is basically just that instead of Odysseus offering his body / seducing others so that he can get home, Ody’ is just an absolute freak by nature who tries to fucks whoever he wants, just bc he can. (don’t worry, him n Penelope had an agreement ‘bout it :33) also because unfortunately, he is way too ‘appreciative’ to anyone who he deems ‘attractive’.

Eury’ and the Crew know this all to well n are constantly trying to drive away any potential victims of their captain’s said Freakyness, bc those thighs on him are a death sentence, everything is a death sentence srsly run 4 ur lives this man is danger to everyone’s stamina.

Events play out (almost) literally exactly the same as canon but now w/ slutty Odysseus exuding horny energy like he’s Primordial Eros in disguise.

hfhggggg Odysseus’s blinding enthusiasm on getting down dirty is so powerful that even Poseidon n Zeus, two of the most *cough* ‘active’ Gods r just like “wow—“ upon seeing Ody’, still fully clothed, yet somehow giving off some of the strongest ‘fuck me’ vibes known to man, doing the Babygirl Pose with absolutely NO SHAME & NO HESITATION AS HE LOOKS THEM IN THE EYES LIKE “you down to fuck gorgeous? 😏😏😏”

idk why I thought this 😭

NOW HEAR ME OUT

imagine that boy has been training his WHOLE LIFE

I’m talking athlete, military, recovery food the works

so obviously his in some sort of conditioned mindset that food is a limited source and only certain ones should be eaten

after all some shit might happen if he doesn’t follow the program

(it’s was super bad in Highschool too cause I think he was a fat kid and as a fat kid myself I know what kind of thoughts happen especially when your just getting into sports)

then here comes military with their scarce food resources and shit feeding program

THEN HERES THE FUCKING SERUM

Which makes him somewhat more open to actually eating but he still has his reservations

BUT IMAGINE

IMAGINEEEEE

One day he’s working out in the gym w yelena

obviously being the blonde twins they are they’re probably teasing around and making some playful jabs

Yelena asks if he put in some weight cause for once his shit eating grin isn’t the only thing that’s moving

and he pretends that it didn’t hit him under his skin

but it did

it really did

so here comes another episode where he either doesn’t eat or eats so little it’s a genuine crime to whoever is there to witness it

the others don’t really notice

then it hits them like a fright train one day when Alexei comments about it

And John just shrugs and says he doesn’t deserve it like it’s the most common knowledge in the world

like what

JOHN????