#irontaser

“You’re going to work yourself into the ground,” Steve said, leaning in the doorway. He tried to look stern, but he sagged further against the jamb with every minute. “Tony. Are you listening to me?”

“I’m hearing you,” Tony replied, not crawling out of the jeep he was working on. “Listening requires effort and you don’t deserve any of mine.”

Steve stood up straight, scowling at him. “Hey. Don’t make me go get Jim.”

“I’ll just kick him out of my garage, too,” Tony informed him.

Steve opened his mouth, then closed it again with an angry sigh. “Fine. Work yourself to death. Because that’s what he would have wanted. Phil would be so disappointed to see you running yourself into the ground.”

Tony finally jerked his head up, glaring at Steve with all the fury he could convey in a single look. “Get out.”

“Tony,” Steve began, but clearly not in an ‘I’m going to apologize’ way.

“Get the fuck out!” Tony bellowed, and then, when Steve didn’t immediately leave, he threw the wrench he was holding at him.

Steve ducked out of the way, but barely. “Tony!”

“Get out! Get out! Now! Get the fuck out!” Tony shouted, grabbing any tool within reach and flinging it at him. “I don’t need your bullshit get out!”

Steve left, but probably only so he wouldn’t get beaned with a hammer or wrench. Tony glared after him, panting, then sagged down onto the seat he’d been trying to jimmy, holding his head in his hands. He took a moment to feel sorry for himself, then sat back up with a sniffle and wiped his eyes. He could cry when he went to bed. He needed to work. He needed to make the rear seat of the jeep easy to remove in a hurry if they needed the space.

New survivors were few and far between these days, mostly single stragglers, but every once in a while, an entire family made it into their scavenging zone. This last time the scavenging team almost couldn’t rescue everyone, because the parents had insisted that they not leave any supplies behind. They’d tried to insist that the team just take the children and leave the adults to try and fend off the hordes and make it on foot. Luckily, Natasha and Clint had been the leaders of the team at the time, and they’d quickly jerry-rigged the seat back far enough that the parents could stand on it and cling to the roll bar—a tight fit, but worth it, if the grateful tears as they disembarked from the jeep were any indication.

If he could make the seat easy to take out, he could also probably store some spikes in it that could be extended, so they could place it on the back bumper and use it as a weapon against the undead. That was probably better than just chucking the seat, because he could always put it back in to use as seating for the scouting trips. Until they mustered enough people and could begin extending boundaries, their vehicle options were limited—Tony and Rhodey were the only ones who were confident enough and quick enough to be able to switch out the power systems in the cars for arc reactors so they didn’t have to worry about dead batteries or gasoline.

Rhodey had been injured in a previous attack and Tony was the brain behind almost every new weapon or defense they came up with, so neither of them could join the scouts to try and get more vehicles; they had to wait for the area to be cleared, and even then, they were typically shadowed by at least four guns. Tony understood that—he’d been the one to insist that Rhodey get that protection, and he’d be foolish not to allow the same for him—but sometimes it left him feeling helpless, like he should be doing more.

Tony rubbed his hands over his face, then scrubbed his fingers through his hair for good measure, sighing. He knew that Steve was right, that Phil wouldn’t want him to be pushing himself like this, but… Phil was gone. And so were Pepper and Happy. He shouldn’t have let Pepper go on that business trip in his stead—sure, he’d had back-to-back meetings in New York at the time, but he could have hopped on a red-eye and been in California for the meeting. But he’d let her insist and had sent her and Happy off with a harried wave as he rushed to an appointment. Phil had caught a ride on the jet with them because Fury had mentioned something shady going on in the pacific northwest, and Phil had been the only available senior agent willing and able to go check it out.

And then bioterrorists had set off bombs full of the virus they’d created all over the globe.

Tony hadn’t been able to find Fury in the bedlam following the attacks, and hadn’t been able to get a hold of Phil or Pepper or Happy. The rest of the Avengers had seen the pandemonium and, unable to contact SHIELD, had made their ways to the Avengers compound that had been only used sporadically until then. It was far enough away from everything and solid enough that it would make a good temporary base, and Tony had quickly devised a way to fortify it for permanency, and they’d slowly taken back several miles of area and made it safe, but the fact of the matter was that they were too busy surviving to find a cure, and were now at the point of just waiting for the infected people to die so they could go out in hazmat gear and clean up, see if there were any other pockets of survivors.

Tony wouldn’t admit it out loud, because everyone else seemed to have hope, but he didn’t think that they would find Phil, Pepper, or Happy. Pepper’s armor had never been activated after the explosions; Happy would have been with her. Phil would have tried to come back to New York to try and find Fury, and even crossing from their territory to a group in Massachusetts was dangerous—a cross-country trip would have been suicide. And Phil would have made that trip either way, to find Fury or, failing that… to find Tony. And while Phil was smart and resourceful… three thousand miles was a long way to cross when infected people wanted to cannibalize you.

Tony felt a hand resting on the nape of his neck and jerked a little in surprise, pulling his hands from his head to look up. “Huh?”

“Come on, Tones,” Rhodey said gently.

Tony felt the argument rising before he could think about it, because he always argued about resting nowadays, but what came out of his mouth was, “Steve said Phil would be disappointed in me.”

“I know,” Rhodey answered, voice carefully neutral. “He shouldn’t have said that.”

“He was right,” Tony continued, resting his elbows on his knees and sagging onto them.

“He was,” Rhodey agreed. “But he still shouldn’t have said it.” He cupped Tony’s cheek in his hand and sighed quietly as Tony leaned into the touch. “Come on, Tony. Let’s get you into bed.”

Tony allowed himself to be pulled out of the jeep and onto his feet, wincing a little as he felt the painful little pulses from his toes to his knees. He wondered how long he’d been sitting there, as Rhodey carefully pulled his arm over his shoulders to support him as they limped toward the door of the garage. “I think Phil’s dead,” he whispered.

Rhodey, to his credit, didn’t flinch or hesitate. “I know,” he told him gently. “And I know you think Pepper and Happy are dead too. It’s hard to have hope, especially with all of the bodies we’ve come across. It doesn’t make you weak to say so.”

Tony nodded, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He knew it didn’t make him weak, logically, but sometimes it felt that way, like he was letting everyone down for not being strong for them. He faltered to a stop when he saw Steve leaning against the door to his room, leaning more heavily on Rhodey even though his legs were no longer asleep. Rhodey, unfortunately, kept walking a few steps before he realized, and Tony was dragged along with a squawk.

Steve noticed the commotion and stood up straight, ducking his head with a cough when he noticed the look Rhodey was giving him. “I, uh—I’d like to talk, if that’s alright.” He held up a bag. “I thought you might be hungry.”

“Is that your rations?” Rhodey asked him sternly.

“No, Wanda’s been setting aside Tony’s share, and when I told her what happened, she just handed me the bag,” Steve answered, ducking his head further. “I learned my lesson the last time I tried to give up rations.”

Rhodey continued to stare him down, giving Tony’s wrist a squeeze. Tony looked up at him, then looked back at Steve, who was still staring down at his feet and rubbing the back of his head nervously. Finally, he sighed, because he was hungry, and tired, and he just wanted to sleep. So he inclined his head and then tipped it toward the door.

Steve looked relieved. He stepped back to let Tony unlock it, then followed him inside. He turned to see if Rhodey was going to join them, but the other man just shook his head, so he closed the door behind himself. He offered the bag of food to Tony and then gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed. “So.”

“So,” Tony agreed, pulling the bag open and peering inside. He made a happy sound when he saw the tomato inside, even though he knew it shouldn’t be there. “I thought we agreed that the tomatoes would be canned for the winter.”

“Yeah, but I know you like tomatoes, and if we were going to sacrifice a tomato for someone, it should be you,” Steve said, then sighed, rubbing the back of his head again. “Tony, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked about Phil like that. I should have just gone to get Jim in the first place.” He watched Tony dump the bag out on his bed, pawing through the contents until he’d separated two protein bars, a small bag of potato chips that had been baked just that day, and the tomato. “Eat a protein bar first,” he ordered. “Otherwise you’re going to go to bed on a single tomato and you’ll be miserable when you wake up.”

Tony scowled up at him mulishly, but he obediently grabbed a protein bar and peeled it open. “Fine.” He tried to eat it slowly, but with the food spread out in front of him, he realized he was very, very hungry, and more exhausted than he’d realized earlier. He scarfed the bar down in four bites, then opened the bag of chips to eat a couple of those as well. Then, knowing he only had a little bit before his exhaustion caught up with him, he picked up the tomato and bit into it like an apple.

“Did you hear my apology, or are you going to ignore it?” Steve asked, once it was clear that Tony actually had a moment to speak now.

“I mean. You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” Tony muttered, not looking up at him.

Steve frowned. “Even if it was true, that doesn’t mean I should have said it. And it isn’t true.”

Tony looked up at him from under his lashes, frowning. “Yes, it was.”

“No,” Steve said firmly. “It wasn’t. If Phil could see you now, he’d be so proud of all the work you’ve done to keep people safe. He couldn’t be disappointed in you for not taking care of yourself because he would have been here to get you to rest and eat. You would never be a disappointment to him, Tony. He loved you too much.”

Tony stared up at him for a few minutes, silent, then quietly murmured, “Past tense, huh?”

Steve, to his credit, didn’t try to backpedal. “It’s been three years,” he pointed out softly, and Tony remembered all at once that Sharon hadn’t made it back to the compound either. She’d been in D.C. at the time of the bombings, and they’d been targeted heavily. She’d been much closer to the compound than Phil had. “I mean, he could still be out there. Three thousand miles is a long way to go when you don’t have reliable transportation and limited ammunition. But I think you’re thinking about him in the past tense, too, aren’t you?”

Tony swallowed thickly, nodding a little. “Him and Pepper and Happy.”

Steve said nothing, simply reached out and laid his hand on Tony’s shoulder. Tony leaned into the touch. They weren’t special. Everyone had lost someone. Some people had lost everyone. They were lucky. Still, it hurt.

“You should get in bed before you’re too tired,” Steve said after a moment, pulling his hand away.

“I don’t want to sleep,” Tony admitted, before he could swallow it back down and suffer in silence.

Steve gave him a long, considering look, then asked, “Jim? Natasha?”

“I don’t care,” Tony said, pawing at the edge of the blankets to pull them back. “I think Natasha’s on guard duty tonight, though.”

“You’re probably right. Okay, then, budge up,” Steve ordered, and then, when Tony just sort of sagged in defeat, too tired to try anymore, he simply picked him up so he could pull the blankets back himself.

“Show off,” Tony accused without heat.

“If I waited for you, we wouldn’t have been able to get into bed for another hour,” Steve replied, smiling a little. He settled Tony down on his side, then slid onto the bed behind him, curling around him protectively. “Do you want the blankets up, or will I be too warm?”

Tony thought about it, eyelids drooping, and managed to say, “I’ve been getting cold,” before he started to drift off.

“Okay,” Steve answered softly, pulling the blankets up, and then let out a quiet sigh as he settled behind him.

“I’m sorry about Sharon, Steve,” Tony murmured, and was asleep before he could hear Steve quietly reply, “I’m sorry about Phil, Pepper, and Happy.”

.-.-.-.

They took back roughly six more miles of territory over the next year. Tony and Rhodey fixed up three cars. They got a security system rigged, too, with Vision and Wanda’s help. Luckily, it had only gone off for scheduled drills.

Then one day the klaxons went off.

Altogether, Tony figured he could be proud of everyone, because they took to their stations with only a few minutes of confusion. He figured now that they’d had the experience of the alarms going off because of an actual potential intruder, they’d be more prepared next time.

“What are we looking at?” he asked as he landed by Steve in the suit. Normally he kept it for dire circumstances, since he no longer had the means of fabricating parts, but he figured the show of strength would help put the rest of the camp at ease.

Steve paused, considering, then pointed at the gates. “A car.”

Tony turned to stare at him, flabbergasted. “…And zombies are driving cars now!?” he finally spluttered.

“The people in the car haven’t gotten out yet,” Steve explained with a shrug, shifting his grip on his shield the way he typically did when he was anxious and trying not to show it. “And until I get a showing of hands and a promise that they mean no harm, I’m not entirely inclined to let them in, you know?”

Tony turned back to the gate, staring at the van idling outside the gate with longing. He loved vans. He could fortify them so that they were basically tanks. But he could understand why Steve hadn’t given the order to open the gates yet—he could see a second van idling behind the first. That was a large group of people, if the vans were full, and they’d already had a few failed raids on their facility by desperate people looking for supplies.

“I want the vans,” Tony said quietly.

“I’ll try and get you the vans,” Steve replied, just as soft, before he took a deep breath and hefted his shield up. “I’m going to approach them. Close the gates after me,” he added to Wanda sharply.

Wanda looked uneasy, but she nodded just the same. She waited until he got to the gate, then lifted her hands to open them, just long enough that he could slip out, before she snapped them shut again, and they all waited with bated breath. “I can yank him back over the fence if it comes down to it,” she murmured. “Can’t promise I’ll be able to make it over the barbed wire first though.”

“He’ll heal,” Tony answered, and she nodded grimly.

They watched as Steve approached the front van. The passenger side door opened, and they saw someone’s feet hit the ground, but they were mostly hidden by the door. Steve stopped walking, shield coming up protectively. But then, suddenly, Steve was flinging the shield to the ground and sprinting toward the van.

Wanda’s hands came up instinctively, but Tony reached out to grab one of her wrists with a sharp, “Wait,” because the passenger was clearing the door and already lifting her arms to throw around Steve’s neck as he plowed into her. “It’s Sharon.” He felt his entire body sag in relief, tears filling his eyes. “It’s Sharon.”

“Tony I can’t hold you up Tony lock the joints Tony,” Wanda was exclaiming, but Tony continued to slowly lower himself to the ground.

Sharon had made it. She’d been in D.C. where the explosions had been and it had taken four years but she’d made it and she was here and she was alive. Maybe Phil was still alive. Maybe he could still have hope. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

.-.-.-.

The hope that Tony had gained when Sharon had arrived with her group of survivors began to wane again. It had been ten years since the attacks, and they’d taken back forty miles. Zombie sightings were few and far between these days, but there were enough of them that they still needed to be careful as they extended their borders. They’d even managed to make contact with other groups across the country with ham radios, and he was working on getting cell towers back up (he’d meant to do it earlier, but there had always been more important things to tend to, something else that came first). He’d begged anyone for information about Phil Coulson, or Virginia Potts, or Harold Hogan, but everyone had regretfully told him they hadn’t heard the names in camp.

If they weren’t in the camps, that meant they’d been victims in the attacks, or they’d started traveling as soon as it had happened. Ten years would have been plenty of time for people from the west coast to make it to them, and the fact that no one had come… he could figure it out.

On the bright side, he had more people to give him hugs about it now. Peter had been in the second van, and so had May, and Ned and his family, and MJ and hers. Peter had saved them, and then they’d holed up and he’d protected them single-handedly until he saw Sharon Carter and a few other SHIELD agents looting a bodega for anything salvageable, and begged her for help, and she’d taken charge immediately. His heart was heavy with all the people he’d lost, but at least the kid and his family had made it.

Tony was actually on his way to check on one of the alarms because it kept shorting out when he saw a car approaching the border. It was going very fast. It also did not appear to be stopping, despite the fact that it was headed directly toward the fence.

“We buried the posts deep on this side, didn’t we?” Natasha asked, coming up beside him, gun hanging at her side with the safety off.

“We always bury the posts deep,” Tony replied.

They continued to watch the car approaching.

“Will the fence hold if the car hits it, with how fast it’s going?” Natasha asked.

“We made sure to put the most defenses on the fence facing the road for specifically this reason,” Tony replied.

“That wasn’t a yes.”

“This car is going… very fast.”

Natasha grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the way, just in time for the car to bash through the fencing. He could see the front bumper had been modified into a battering ram now, and the rear bumper looked just about the same. He’d done the same to a few cars they’d had to go out and grab in the beginning, before they could extend their own territory. It was jerry-rigged for sure, but a decent short-term fix to get the car movable. Every door burst open at once, and Tony ducked behind Natasha as she lifted her gun.

“Why isn’t there an alarm going off?!” Happy barked, jerking himself out of the driver’s seat.

Tony gaped at him, stunned, and only barely managed to murmur, “I was just on my way to fix it…”

“Well, hurry up and get it done,” Happy snapped, and then stomped toward the fence to begin trying to pull the chain-link back together. Tony stared after him, speechless.

“He’s stressed,” Pepper said, appeasing.

“I don’t know why he was stressed, he had an entire goddamn arsenal in his trunk,” Phil retorted as he got out of the back seat, turning to help a little girl out behind him.

Tony stared at him. “Phil?”

Phil looked up from helping a woman out of the back seat as well. He looked exhausted, but still the corner of his mouth was quirking up. “We would have been here sooner, but I insisted that we had to stop in Tennessee,” he explained, putting the girl down so she could cling to the woman.

“I got to make a grenade launcher!” Harley shouted gleefully as he darted out of the other side of the car.

“Phil,” Tony said again, voice weak. It had been ten years and Phil still looked just as good.

But he’d already mourned Phil. Twice. With more little mournings in between whenever he had another realistic dream, where he and Phil were together again, and they were happy and then his alarm went off and Phil was gone again. What if this was just another dream, he couldn’t help but think. He’d never be lucky enough to have Phil, Happy, and Pepper come back into his life. Not toting Harley Keener and his family. He still woke up thinking Peter and May hadn’t made it, and sometimes seeing Sharon in the halls of the compound made him do a double-take.

Phil couldn’t be here, because Tony had already realized he was dead, and Phil just needed to realize that too.

“Oh boy,” Natasha said as Tony turned on his heel and walked away, mechanically moving each foot in front of the other.

.-.-.-.

There was a knock on his door. Tony didn’t look up from his clasped hands. He didn’t tell whoever it was to come in or go away. He was afraid that if he acknowledged the world around him that it would come falling down around his shoulders, and he’d wake up and realize he’d been dreaming all along, and he’d wake up all alone.

The fingers that laced through his hair weren’t the ones he’d been expecting, even though he’d tried really hard not to think about it.

“When Happy realized there was a bomb, he told me to put on the suit,” Pepper explained softly as she sat down beside him. “But we were in a crowded area, and all I could see were the terrified faces of everyone else trying to run away. So I kicked off my heels, took the briefcase, and ran toward the bomb. When I got close enough, I made the suit wrap around the bomb. The explosion destroyed the armor you’d made for me, but it contained the bomb.”

Tony couldn’t help the broken smile that curled his lips, tears welling up in his eyes. “How’s that crow taste?”

Pepper rolled her eyes fondly. “Yeah, yeah, I always said I would never need a suit.” She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and pulled him in against her side. Then she gently started stroking her fingers through his hair again. “Sorry we broke through your fence. I did try to tell Happy that you wouldn’t like it.”

“I thought you were dead,” Tony said, voice soft, still unable to look at her.

“We were gone an awfully long time. But we wouldn’t have made it without you, and the armor, and the weapons in the car,” Pepper replied, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Then she leaned back to give him a sharp look. “Wait, why did our car have a literal arsenal of weapons in the trunk?”

Tony shrugged. “Happy likes to be prepared.”

“Unbelievable,” Pepper whispered, but she didn’t actually sound upset. “I suppose it came in handy though. Phil found us at your place in Malibu as we were packing up to leave, and they both used it very efficiently as we made our way here. We had to stop a lot—a piece of the armor hit the car in the explosion—and one time the car broke down outside of Tennessee and Happy was adamant we weren’t leaving it behind. I think there’s even still some of the original ammo left, but I’m afraid to look.”

“Would you believe that when I was showing Happy, we both made the joke that it was enough to survive the… the zombie apocalypse,” Tony sniffled.

Pepper smiled. “Yeah, actually, I would. And I think we both know it wasn’t actually a joke. You wanted us to be prepared for something.”

“I didn’t think it would be zombies,” Tony said.

“But it was. So thank you, for looking out for us.” Pepper leaned in to press their foreheads together, finally forcing him to make eye contact with her. “And now, there’s a man outside, wanting to look out for you.”

Tony opened his mouth, then closed it again when she didn’t continue with an order, telling him to go to him. He frowned up at her, sniffling again, then lifted a hand to wipe his eyes. When he got to his feet, she held his elbow to steady him, and he didn’t realize he needed it until he staggered. Once he was steady, he took a deep breath, then went to the door.

Phil looked up when the door opened, and he managed a small smile. “Well. Hello there.”

“Hi,” Tony replied, feeling shy. The years had been long and not necessarily kind. He couldn’t help but worry that Phil might not want him anymore. Still, he also couldn’t help but reach out, putting one hand on Phil’s shoulder, as if to check he was really there.

Phil reached for him as well, one hand pressing against the small of his back. Then he used that hand to yank Tony in, making Tony yelp as he crashed into him. Phil didn’t let him do much more than that, leaning in to swallow whatever complaint Tony might have had, his free hand coming up to cradle the back of Tony’s head as he nipped his bottom lip before sucking on it gently. Tony mewled helplessly, sagging against him, hands coming up to cling to his shoulders because Phil was there, and alive, and he’d been traveling to him the entire time.

“Phil I can’t fucking believe you’d do this when I’m trapped in this fucking room with you,” Pepper thundered.

Phil broke away from Tony’s mouth just long enough to gasp, “Sorry,” before he bullied Tony backward a few steps so they could clear the doorway, apparently not as deterred by her anger as she would have liked.

“Unbelievable,” she muttered, storming past them, but she did pause in the doorway to give them one last look, a smile quirking the corner of her mouth up before she gently shut the door behind her.

“Phil,” Tony mewled as he was maneuvered toward his bed.

“Tony,” Phil whispered back, pulling him in for a tight hug. “I knew you’d be here. I knew you’d be okay.”

Tony just basked in the hug for a moment before the words caught up with him. He leaned back, unable to help the tears rolling down his cheeks. “You did?”

“You built your suit in a cave with a box of scraps while actively dying,” Phil scoffed. “Of course I did. After all, your first instinct in an emergency has always been to fix things.”

Tony’s breath stuttered as he stared up at him, and he choked out a broken, “Phil,” before the other man leaned in to kiss him again, gently easing him back down onto the bed.

“Natasha told me about how you’ve needed people to sleep with you to feel safe,” Phil whispered against his cheek. “I’d like that to be my job now, if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah,” Tony croaked, smiling wetly, and pressed his face into Phil’s chest so he couldn’t see how happy he was, if only to put off telling him how awful things had been without him.

.-.-.-.

Fifteen years after the explosions that started the zombie apocalypse all over the world, the Avengers territory finally extended to edge of New York City.

“About time you showed up,” Fury said as he rolled up to the gates with a blonde woman in tow. “Thought me and Carol were going to have to take care of the city by ourselves.” He nodded at Phil. “Agent Coulson. Good to see you’re still alive.”

Phil very casually put his hand on Tony’s hip and reeled him in against his side. “Director. Good to be alive. I’m never leaving a fifteen-mile radius of Tony ever again.”

Fury rolled his eye, but he didn’t look too surprised by it. “Show me what you’ve got,” he said instead, looking at Tony.