#ironhide

Finally fully repaired and in a frame, it seemed surreal that he wasn't a sinful disembodied voice in the medical bay as Ratchet worked. As you approached the weapons specialist looked towards you, the unique shape of his muzzle quirking at your faltering steps as you realized who you were looking at.

All Hail Megatron #4 (2009)

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Ironhide, usually so stern, sitting before you inebriated and slightly relaxed from the aged gasoline. Though, his domineering presence hasn’t changed; he still watches you with a certain aptness. It’s almost suffocating.

And with the gasoline, his inhibitions are nulled.

You perch across from him on the top of a little truck left to rot in the yard, watching in moderate shock as he lowers a digit beneath your chin, lifting it. Your small hands grasp to the metal plating, face angled uncomfortably upward toward this creature who has given you nothing but grief since Optimus Prime assigned him as your Guardian.

As to be expected, you fuss at his touch.

“It’s odd how much you and your kind resemble Cybertronian females…” Ironhide gruffs quietly, more to himself than you. “Personalities are much the same, too.”

There is a facet of Ironhide (a very deep, very shameful facet) that ponders how far those similarities reach. Your beauty is best left untouched by him. But he thinks, and he thinks. Soft, supple skin; breasts that can be molded and manipulated; thread-like substance from your scalp (hair, he’s been told it’s called) that often brushes his facial plate when he lifts you to a shoulder; varying colors to the plushest parts of your body.

The differences in his kind and yours are nearly erotic to him.

Do you think an autobot (in my head I pictured Ironhide for some reason) ever got the hots, just extremely pent up, and found the best looking vehicle they could and just went to town with it only to be caught with their (metaphorical) pants down by other members of their team as they were about to overload, and they just cum down the exhaust pipe of this very pretty but otherwise regular car to the horrified faces of "mech wtf that's so fucked up" of their teammates

(I'm trying to think who would be the best to appear in that moment, Ratchet? Too worried about the health hazards of the situation more than the action itself, I bet he's had to deal with worse or at least equal stuff as a medic. Bumblebee? Personally I don't like to traumatize him more than the canon already does. OP? He would feel horrible and so uncomfortable about it internally but externally he would just be like ok, well never speak of this ever and leave. Prowl? I think he would be scandalised and concerned enough to make it a whole deal and maybe even bring it up to Optimus Prime, and wouldn't THAT be mortifying. Ok I'm running out of ideas bye)