#irishdancing

Things had become a lot more difficult in my life since joining college. Everything I had known about others and myself had drastically changed in a space of a few months. I had found myself chasing after a guy I had no chance with.

On days like today, I found myself missing the communication I would receive from Andrew. He was a shitty boyfriend, but he was someone I could message and he would respond instantly - distracting me from my thoughts while I waited to compete.

Although thinking back, it would have been nice for him to show up to these competitions at least once.

Biting the sides of my lips I considered going out into the stands where I did have support. My father was here, but he was constantly taking phone calls – appearing and then disappearing to hear whoever was on the other end.  

He had a huge court case defending a well-known businessman tomorrow but it was to be kept quiet. The hearing had already been brought forward to try and avoid the media circus that ensued as soon as the story of his arrest leaked.

Something about the world loved a good embezzlement case, especially against the rich.

Then there was my best friend Aoife, she managed to make the journey but not with my father and me. No, she travelled with her boyfriend Calvin, who as nice as he appeared to be – I didn't trust.

I didn't buy into his story that Andrew had been following the band to see me act. Andrew barely had time for me when we were together. There was no way he would travel up and down Ireland to watch a band I knew he didn't like just to see me. He didn't care that much, no matter how wounded his pride might be.

As for Billy, he developed the stomach flu from Marion. The pair were vomiting all week and the last thing I needed was for them to give it to me, so I warned them to stay as far as possible.

"Why are you hiding out here?" Aoife chuckled, rounding the corner. Her bright eyes stared into mine, a supportive smile on her face as I pushed the headphones around my neck. "You are going to sweat off your fake tan and makeup if you don't relax." She scolded, blotting my face gently with a clean tissue.  

"Yeah well… I don't…" I struggled over my words before finally admitting my true feelings. "I don't think I am ready, I haven't been putting in the work I used to."

"Because you are studying for a law degree Brie, it's not easy keeping the two things going. You might have to look at choosing which is more important if this is how it's going to impact you."

"You don't think I can do both?"

"I'm sure you can but what about your other extra curriculum activities?" She trailed off, biting at her bottom lip. "Like a certain blue-eyed lead guitarist."

"Cillian and I are just friends." I rolled my eyes, turning away from her to check the time on my watch. I still had thirty minutes before I had to perform.

"I've seen the looks you give him, I'm not stupid."

After the night at the bar, our relationship had well and truly been fractured. I felt so stupid sleeping with him again. Yes we had both agreed it was 'just sex' but I had feelings, I was human and I felt something he didn't. At least not for me.

During the last few weeks in class, I moved seats to get my head together. I had to move to the other side of the classroom, just to get away for him. It was hard to do, seeing the hurt in his eyes when he noticed almost killed me. But he wasn't lonely for long, Emer was more than quick to jump in and take my spot.

Anytime he tried to talk to me, I had an excuse ready. I was due to meet someone in the library to go over our case study or Billy needed my help with his latest fashion project.

I simply felt like I couldn't be around him.

"It was a stress reliever"

It soon became obvious to my friends what was going on. Although they got the clip notes version from Billy, after our night in the bar they didn't buy for one second that I was okay.

They knew sex wasn't just sex for me.

"Right. A stress reliever that has you in your feels Brie what were you thinking?" Aoife asked with a sad smile, her hand coming up to gently squeeze my shoulder. "You have to talk to him, this isn't healthy for either of you."

"He doesn't care for me. He is only after getting his next…fuck. He wants a carefree life, with no responsibilities. He has told me several times."

"It might have been what he wanted but he surely didn't get that." Aoife laughed, folding her arms over her chest. "He feels…"

"I can't deal with this right now Eefs. Can we drop it?" I asked pulling the headphones from around my neck, wrapping them around my Walkman and stuffing it into my bag.

"I don't think we can."

"Why not?" I huffed out. Not giving the woman in front of me my full attention, I took the black wig into my hands, fondling the edges before pulling it over my naturally brown hair which was already pinned into place.

"Because I may have told him what today was and how important it was for you and he kind of showed up." She spoke so fast that it took me a few seconds to catch up on her words.

"Why would you do that?" I spat turning to face her, the wig almost falling from my head since I didn't have any clips to hold it in place.

"Well, he is our friend as well as yours. You can't expect us to go to all these concerts and not make connections Brie. The guys in the band are top fellas." Aoife scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Besides he wants to support you. Which is more than Andrew ever did."

"Why do you keep doing this? Bringing him around when I don't want to be anywhere near him." I growled, reaching up to place the black wig on my head properly once more.

"You have been different since you stopped spending time with him. You've been uptight, tense and honestly so fucking difficult to be around. You both need to sort out your shit and get it together." She scolded bending down and taking my purse of clips into her hands.

"I, I haven't been that bad."

"You've been unbearable" She chuckled, taking a handful of clips and placing some in her mouth before starting to pin the wig into place. "We still love you but please talk to him." She nodded, adding a few more clips. Her eyes cast off to the side with a slight nod.

Looking over my shoulder, Cillian stood awkwardly by the bleachers, a sad smile on his face as he looked in our direction. Feeling a hand on my shoulder, Aoife gently brushed her hand off, handing me the remaining clips before walking past Cillian, brushing a hand against his shoulder as she turned the corner.

"I can leave if you want?" Cillian breathed out the minute he reached me. The dark circles under his eyes are prominent as he stands before me. It was obvious, he wasn't sleeping well.

"No, I don't want that." I sighed, bouncing back and forth between the balls of my feet and my heels. "Thank you for coming, I know I've been a bitch the last few weeks, but I…"

"I deserved it." Cillian stopped me mid-sentence, one of his hands coming up to brush the longer pieces of his hair back away from his eyes. "I should have never invited Emer to that gig, I knew it was a bad idea but I went and did it anyway."

"No, no you should have invited her. You like her. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. It is just sex between us after all." I shrugged, the words felt like they were burning my tongue as they left my mouth. "How are things for you both? I hope I didn't ruin anything."

"Nothing to ruin." Cillian quickly corrected a soft pout on his lips. "Emer's a lovely girl but she isn't who I want. She isn't for me."

"Oh, oh okay. I didn't know, sorry. But she is out there somewhere Cill, you'll meet her one day." I encouraged, unsure of where the words came from. The thought of Cillian with someone else felt like a hard punch in the gut.

"I've already met her, I just keep fucking things up with her." He responded, a cheeky twinkle returning to his blue eyes, drawing me to him. There was something magical about those eyes.

"Why do you do that?" I whispered, taking a baby step forward towards him. Cillian followed in my lead, stepping forward until he was a few centimetres away from me. I could feel the body heat radiating from him.

"I'm a twat."

Nodding my head, my eyes travelled from his, down towards his lips before they returned to his eyes which now held a knowing look, the infamous cocky smirk growing on his face.

"Nice wig," Cillian smirked, his left hand coming up from his side to caress my cheek.

Leaning into his touch, I felt a calmness washing over my once anxious-ridden body, my heartbeat quickened when I noticed his tongue dart out from his lips to moisten them before his head began its descent towards my lips.

"Wait, are you sure about this?" I asked stopping the kiss from happening. He was mere inches from my lips, I could feel his breath brushing against my face. "What happened to living without responsibility? Letting go and being carefree?"

"I want to let go of Everything but You." He whispered, lips ghosting over my lips.

Pushing myself forward, I pushed my lips against his, allowing him to take the lead. Within seconds our tongues began to fight for dominance, I felt Cillian's fingers try and run through my wig but it was too tightly bound.

Pulling away with a laugh, he shook his head – hands still trying to penetrate the synthetic material. Reaching up, I brushed my thumb across his lips trying my hardest to remove the red lipstick that had transferred.

Smiling down at me, he leaned back down capturing my lips in one of the sweetest kisses I had ever experienced in my life. It was soft, and delicate like if he pushed too hard I would break but it had an overwhelming feeling of want rushing through my veins.

"For fuck sake couldn't you wait until after you performed to suck face?" Aoife's voice suddenly appeared next to me with a growl.

Pulling away from Cillian, my cheeks flushed red as she took my chin into her hand, pulling it in her direction to assess the damage.

"Can you fix it?" I asked as she moved my head in all directions under the awful corridor lighting, getting a good view of all angles.

"It's not that bad actually." Aoife nodded with a smile, tossing me a wink before looking over at Cillian. "Red lipstick is certainly not your colour." She laughed, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a clean tissue, handing it over.

*****

Throughout my performance, my eyes would fall on Cillian. He stood next to Aoife who stood next to my father, the three of them watched on with proud looks on their faces before erupting into the loudest cheers in the place when I had finished.

Taking the bottle of water Aoife had outstretched in her hands, I scurried over to them – grateful the whole thing was over. Inhaling through my nose, I allowed her to pull me into a hug, whispering in my ear how good I was before passing me off to my father.

"Your mother would be so proud of you Brie." He grinned, pulling me tightly against his chest. Upon pulling away his hands gripped onto my shoulders holding me in place as he cast an eye over towards Cillian who was engrossed in a conversation with Aoife and Calvin. "Does he treat you right?"

"Excuse me?... What?... Cillian and I are just friends." I laughed awkwardly with a shake of my head, my vision dropping to my feet.

"Ahhhh right, friends." My father trailed off with a playful eyeroll. "Your mother and I were just friends when I came to her first show as well." He laughed, gently pushing against my shoulder.

"Stop" I whined, drawing Cillian's attention towards me and my father.  I instantly panicked when I noticed him make his way over towards us. My father had no filter, he would say it how it was – embarrassing not only me but also Cillian.

"You were brilliant" Cillian announced, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder as soon as he reached me. "Hello, Sir."

"Mr Murphy." My father nodded in response, looking between the two of us before excusing himself. Cillian and I stood next to each other, in an awkward yet comforting silence.

"Do you…" "How is…" Cillian and I started at the same time, both stopping after the second word with a laugh. "You go first." I allowed, gesturing towards him with my hand.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to grab something to eat after you win?" He asked, the cocky smile growing on his face, reaching his eyes. "But you have to wear the wig."

"Such an ass." I chuckled playfully slapping my hand against his chest. "I would love to but my dad's my lift home, if I left with you I would have no way home."

"A date?" I processed, eyes widening at the words. We never had a date before. Cillian never even mention the possibility of it happening, then again our entire relationship was based on friendship and sex.

My words confused him. Shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, he glanced over to the side thinking over what I had just said.

"So you don't want to go on a date with me?" He asked turning back around for clarification. "Have I fucked this up again?"

"Yeah?" Cillian squinted, eyebrows falling causing frown lines to form on his forehead. "Look if that's not…"

"No, I would love to." I almost screamed out, forgetting where I was. "I mean, yeah we can go on a date. That would be nice."

"Nice recovery." Cillian joked, a deep shade of red filling my already pink-blushed cheeks.

"But wait what about getting home?"

"I'm sure we can miss one day of college Brie…" Cillian rolled his eyes, taking one hand from his pocket to take my hand into his, his thumb gently gliding over my knuckles. "But if it's such a big deal I have my father's car parked out front."

"You drive?" I asked with a louder gasp than I would have liked.

"No, I fly." He chuckled, his face pulled straight as he shook his head in my direction. "Of course, I drive, I just don't have a car."

"How did I not know that?" I questioned tilting my head to the side, a soft smile gracing my face.

Taglist

"You were more interested in getting into my pants than finding anything out about me."

Part 8