and now, a dramatization of the events that presumably happened offstage during scene 3 (aka the “iolanta and vaudémont fall in love and iolanta learns she’s blind and then they sing one of the best damn love duets in all opera” scene) of tchaikovsky’s iolanta:
robert, dialing an old-timey telephone: operator i need to call my soldiers
operator: okay sure *transfers robert*
robert: hi
robert: y’know how y’all technically work for me
robert: listen i need y’all to meet me at this random ass house in the vosges asap
robert: you’ll know which one because there’s a fuckton of red and white roses and also a weirdly scary no trespassing sign
soldier dude on the other end: …why?
robert: …
robert: my boyfriend has fallen under the spell of a sorceress. or maybe a fairy. it’s not clear.
soldier dude: …
robert: …
soldier dude: sir, this is 1890s france?
robert: JUST PLEASE HURRY UP oh and also bring my actual girlfriend mathilde who i simp for always with you please
soldier dude: *heavy sigh* fiiiiiiiiiine
