â why does it feel like this is goodbye? â from the sentence starters đ
 (Iâm not sure if weâll get here in long form- Iâd thought so once, but given the current pace of my writing I suspect Iâll bring Equivalent Exchange to a natural close before we reach this point in the story, then continue Nine and Theronâs tale in shorter pieces. It's a bit of a cheat, but that's authorial prerogative for you.
Something lost is found. SWTOR. Nine/Theron.)
*
She sits on the edge of the bed, looking up at Theron as he scuffs nervously at the floor with the toe of his boot. (Stars, sheâs missed this bed, missed this whole apartment even if she doesnât miss the Kaasi rain falling in sheets against the windows or the periodic assassination attempts- but ah, the view from the balcony toward the sea-)
âYou look,â she finally says, considering his expression carefully, âlike the tooka that ate the bulabird. What exactly did you do while I was off with Acina?â
He turns to make sure the doorâs closed before he answers. âOh, you know. Took a tour of the place. Sliced a few things- databases, mostly. Census data. Population records. The Intelligence database, for about ten seconds.â
âYou-â she chokes. The fact that heâs still standing here means he probably got away with it, but- âI thought I told you to behave yourself. If they figure out what you did- I know youâre not keen on parallel work with the Empire, Theron-â
âI didnât get caught.â He rolls his eyes and rummages in his jacket pocket for his commpad. âI didnât get caught last time either, for what itâs worth, but I did find what I was looking for.âÂ
(Last time? Thatâs- oh, lovely brilliant reckless idiot boy, heâs going to get himself into far more trouble than she can fix one of these years.)
She raises an eyebrow as he holds the commpad out toward her.Â
âI found you.â
She gestures up and down along her body. âOf course you did. Iâm right here. I know that mess with Lorman looked like a near enough miss, but-â
Theron shakes his head vehemently, pressing it into her hand and curling her fingers closed around it. âNo, you donât understand. I found you- pre-Cipher you. In the archives.â
âImpossible.â Or it ought to have been; after Hunter sheâd watched the Minister purge her file with her own eyes and even then there was nothing left of an old life in it, nothing left but a ghost. The Ghost. âNot in the Intelligence database. They burn all that out when we CIpher.â
âNot in the Intelligence database, no.â He crouches down next to her as her heart twists in her chest. It ought to have been impossible. It ought to have been. âBut I followed a thread from the personnel records, and then another and then another and then I found this. Imperial Academy prospective cadet interview number 00-828317. Locked subfolder, but-â he shrugs.   Â
The number doesnât hurt. They didnât take that from her, before, but thereâs a pressure building behind her eyes- too close to something that they did, then. Far too close. She takes a deep breath. âDid you see it?â
âOnly the first few seconds, and not with audio- didnât want Lana to notice before I could pull it off the network. She looks like you, though.âÂ
âI suppose she would.â She lets the commpad settle on her lap, looks down at it like it might bite. (It might.)Â
After a moment Theron stands. âI should go. You donât have to decide if you want to watch it now- I shouldnât have assumed-âÂ
âNo,â she says, reaches up for his hand without looking and her fingers lace through his. âStay.â
He sits down beside her; she presses play.Â
[she is eleven years old.
she is eleven years old and wearing a white blouse and a black skirt and her hair in two neat plaits down her back and she is standing, hands folded, in front of a table where four men and a woman sit in identical uniforms, backs to the camera.Â
weâll begin, says the man second from right. please state your name for the record.
she nods, and opens her mouth. mustnât smile too much or theyâll think sheâs silly, mustnât pull at her plait or at her shirtsleeves, mustnât-]
(oh Void oh Void oh Void it HURTS and he holds on to her- should I stop it? I can stop it- and she shakes her head furiously so he just keeps holding on)
[yes, sir, she says. it is important to show respect, father said. my name is N-]
Itâs impossible. Itâs impossible.Â
Itâs her name.Â
She does stop the recording then, not because she wants to but because sheâs going to bleed all over his damned commpad if she doesnât. Her nose drips down onto her shirt until she pinches it closed and then she turns her head toward Theron as he mutters apology after apology into the top of her head. âI had a feeling,â she murmurs, âthat was going to happen.â
âSo thatâs your name? N-â he almost says it aloud but stops himself, free hand pressed against his mouth. âStars, I'm sorry. I donât want to hurt you again.â
âIt may get easier with time. We can try more of the video later- I only remember a little bit. I thought it might all come back at once, but-â
Theron nods. âI hope so- that it gets easier, I mean. That it comes back. But your name, it⌠it suits you.â
âDoes it?â
âYeah.â He kisses her hair, then her forehead, then the tip of her nose beneath her still-pinching fingers. âThough itâs weird- why does this almost feel like a goodbye?â
âTo Cipher Nine? No. it's not-â she shakes her head. âItâs- hello, Theron Shan. My name-â she breathes in and the pain lessens and it wouldnât matter anyway, all the pain in the universe would be worth it to see that look on his face again and again- âis Nyriala.â
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Equivalent Exchange (a SWTOR story): Chapter 41: Good Soldiers Follow Orders
Equivalent Exchange by inyri
Fandom:Â Star Wars: The Old Republic
Characters: Female Imperial Agent (Cipher Nine)/Theron Shan
Rating:Â E (this chapter:Â M. Trigger warning: graphic violence, depictions of torture, body horror.)
Summary: If one wishes to gain something, one must offer something of equal value. In spycraft, itâs easy. Applying it to a relationship is another matter entirely. F!Agent/Theron Shan. (Spoilers for Shadow of Revan and Knights of the Fallen Empire/Knights of the Eternal Throne.)
*
Comments are always appreciated! Visit me at:
Archive of Our Own
Fanfiction Dot Net
*
Authorâs Note: Please note the trigger warnings. I had to step away from this for a little while (all right, more than a little while). Chapters are consecutive, of course, and as I posted the last one and moved to wrapping up this one I found life imitating art in a very, very uncomfortable way. I donât talk a lot about my work for many reasons. Normally itâs not very exciting. And then there are the days that stay, the reminders that sometimes the world is deeply, viciously cruel in ways that are hard to process. As part of my work I met two men who were subjected to that cruelty, heard their stories, and helped care for them on their paths back home.
The first iterations of this series of scenes were very different from where we ended up. Nine and her team were far nastier at first, which wasnât really true to her, and then I tried to make it funny which- well, obviously we can see the problem with that approach. So this is where we ended. Itâs still an ugly chapter, but here we are. Â
This chapter is dedicated to AD, AH, and all victims of torture.Â
Good Soldiers Follow Orders
Theron follows her close as a shadow as they make their way from her ship across the base, dodging carefully around the first watch guards on their patrol routes. A month ago it would have been simple but a month ago theyâd been sloppy; since then sheâd ordered new watchposts set, new floodlights installed, locked down the turbolift platform to the valley below. There were so many other places to land a ship on Odessen, canyons and clearings and deep, dark forest far beyond the view of the towers, and it would have been far too easy for an infiltrator to sneak in.
Or one might simply use your landing bay. Valkorionâs armor gleams as an arc of light cuts across the path. In through the front door. All comers welcomed. Perhaps Arcann should-
The illusion shatters when she steps through it, the sentence left ominously unfinished.Â
Second patrol. Third patrol. Through the external door on the heels of a pair of Sana-Raeâs adepts, weaving through the hall and crammed into the back corners of the lift with an absolutely massive Zabrak with a distinct half-ring of glitterstim around one nostril (she makes a mental note- the cantinaâs more than necessary but if theyâve got a spice problem thatâs another vulnerability they canât afford), down the hallways into Science Wing and nearly to the lab- outside doorâs open, good, but howâs she going to-
Shit.
Sheâs six steps ahead of herself in contingency plans as usual, mind racing, but that doesnât matter worth a damn when she fucks up Step One. Stopping so abruptly he almost runs right into her, she grabs Theron by the wrist and pulls him into the darkest corner of an empty meeting room. His head tilts in silent confusion as she reaches toward the stealth generator clipped to his belt. I thought- he starts to sign, one hand raised.Â
Switching, she replies, left-handed; pulling it free, she replaces it with hers. Backup has a shorter clock when the mainâs off. If it overloads-
Theron nods. Bad. Right. Where should I stand?
Back-Â her fingers stutter as she considers (Void, she really isnât thinking, is she? She needs to be. One mistake and the whole thing comes apart)-Â back left corner. Youâll have a five-count to get through the door before it closes, then donât move and-
Donât say anything. I know. He repeats the sign, an added emphasis. I promised.Â
She rubs her forehead, trying and failing to settle the ache building between her eyes. I know. Come on.Â
***
The inner laboratory door slides closed with a soft hiss, just muffling Theronâs last few footsteps as he settles carefully into the corner, and she lets her stealth field drop.Â
âI got your message.â Nine forces the words out, forces strength into her voice as she sets the lock. She cannot falter, not now. âSCORPIO, give me the holo. Letâs get it opened up.â
âCommander.â Doctor Lokin looks up from across the room, setting a handful of instruments and an empty syringe- not all clean, she notes- neatly into place on a polished metal tray. Beside him, her would-be killer slumps forward against the treatment chairâs restraints, an intravenous catheter in his right arm and his lower body wrapped in a surgical dropcloth, head covered by black fabric and bound around the middle with thick strips of spacerâs tape. âWe were just beginning.âÂ
[Â sleepy already, cipher? but weâre only just beginning.
when hunterâs slap hits she startles bolt upright in the chair and then wishes she hadnât, her ribs shifting beneath the straps like so many shattered potsherds as she grinds her teeth to keep from screaming. sheâs screamed so much already and she wonât give him the satisfaction of another, wonât-
hunter gestures- toward the woman, she thinks, itâs getting hard to see now with her face so bruised. letâs wake her up, hm? ah, no- something cold and metallic tightening on her right index finger- the other hand, to start. now the left side, still the index finger, tighter and tighter and oh void it hurts it hurts it hurts sheâs got to say something or it-
iâm telling you, she gasps, when those reinforcements get here from- and thereâs a sharp snap and she canât help it and she screams-
keep singing, little bird. I do so hate to have to break your pretty wings.]
Her hand throbs.
âI didnât tell you to start without me.â Her stomach churns even as she curls her fingers into an easy fist, testing their movement; she couldnât do that for a month after Corellia so itâs only the memory of pain, isnât it? âAnd how long has that tape been on? We need his eyes open, not swollen shut. Itâs too fucking tight.â
âIf youâre referring to this-â Lokin lifts a pair of bloody-gripped forceps with one finger and a long-suffering look- âyour knife tipped his saphenous, and I assumed you would prefer he not hemorrhage before you had the chance to work. Iâve only just run the amytal in, nothing more. But,â he squints at the rings of tape, flips a vibroscalpel from the tray into his palm and before she can even begin to move he slices through the binding neatly, once and then again, âyou arenât wrong. SCORPIO restrained him while I was busy with his leg, but I ought to have-â
SCORPIO turns from the console, shoulders lifting in what might have been a shrug. âMy primary directive on Odessen remains operational security, Commander. He cannot share what he cannot see.â
âYes, but-âÂ
One of the wall-mounted monitors beeps, shrill and insistent, until Lokin prods it with a gloved finger and it lapses into red-flashing silence. âHeâs starting to wake. Shall we?â
Void, she hates interrogations. (She used to be good at them once, when she was younger and followed orders better. She used to be good at them because of course, why waste precious time on subtleties when you can simply pry and bend and break and it all comes out in the end either way- maybe in pieces, yes, but that was just another puzzle to solve if one was clever enough, even if it was messier-
Orders were orders.Â
She used to be good at them once. Before Corellia.)
âIs Lana coming? Sheâs covering for me with Sana-Rae, I think, but-â
She turns too quickly as the door opens behind her and as she spins the room tips sideways and then it starts to spin, too; pausing midstep, she grabs at the nearer benchtop to steady herself, her left hand raised as a counterbalance. Lana clears the doorway in two steps, the worry lines across her forehead deepening.Â
âIâve got you,â Lana murmurs. âWeâve just finished, and I had a feeling you might-â she only wrinkles her nose a little as she glances toward the instrument table- âwant my help with this.â
When she nods the world shifts unpleasantly anticlockwise. âYes. Dialing out blind on his holoâs a losing proposition. With any luck heâll talk, but Iâm not counting on it and we havenât got the time to wear him down.â Pressing her lips together against a wave of nausea, she inhales. Exhales. Inhales. The spinning slows.Â
âPhysical methods, then?â
She shakes her head- oh, Force, there it goes again- inhale. Exhale. âJust tell me what you see. Iâve been bled on enough today, and if we push too hard-â
âDoes it matter? You canât possibly intend to let him-â at her gesture Lana lowers her voice, just above a whisper- âwalk away from this. An attack, here, on you- there have to be consequences.â
âDo I look like a Jedi to you? You know me better than that.â When she says it Lana snorts and rolls her eyes and to be fair she has a point- of course she has a point- but a misstep now could be the last strand of a rope to hang herself by, the final block knocked loose that brings the whole tower crashing down, and she can afford that far less than to give away a shred of undeserved mercy. âYouâre a step ahead of me, thatâs all. I need the who before I decide the what.â
Lana sighs. âI know. I only- I defer to you, Commander. Itâs your decision.â
âMaybe, or maybe itâs Trantâs. But we wonât know until we know, and-â another warning chime from the monitors; another warning look from Lokin. âWeâre running out of time. And when weâve finished Iâve still got to talk to Koth and Senya, and-â
âAlready postponed, and that can wait in any case. Thereâs nothing to discuss that wonât keep for a day. Weâll call them once weâre in transit,â Lana eyes her up and down, âafter another round of kolto.â
âIâm fine.â
âLiar.â Lanaâs hand comes to rest beneath her lifted arm; with the world still half-spinning sheâd have missed the subtle pulse of energy if Lana hadnât flinched when their fingertips meet. âForce help me, youâre not - Iâll take it over, Nine. Iâll⌠I can do it. You should rest.â
âNo.â When she shakes her head the room stays level now, at least. Itâs something. âNo. This is my mess to sort out. Just lock the door.â
***
Five minutes later all sheâs got out of him is a slurred sequence of names, ranks, and serial numbers (lying, Lana says each time from her perch behind the chair, though she knew that long before she said it) and the unwavering gut-punch certainty that the man is an SIS agent. With so little actual information to go on and their databases two years out of date- when Theron left heâd downloaded what he could but slicing back into the mainframe to sync themâs a risk none of them are willing to take right now- trying to find a name for her attackerâs useless, with dozens of dossiers a partial match to the same physical parameters: average height, average build, Underlevels accent, Republic emblems tattooed on biceps and back and another handful laser-faded to barely visible outlines. With half the Republicâs infantry dredged up from the Coruscant undercityâs gangs and prisons and half the SIS (and nearly all of SpecOps) poached from the army, she could have shot into the Dealerâs Den or the Red Rancor on a Primesday night and hit five clones of him in a straight line between the door and the bar.
She studies his face from every angle, waiting for a memory to trigger, and- no, still nothing, barely a nod in the corridor or a passing glance in the mess line. Three weeks on Odessen and the manâs practically a ghost, a traceless alias for a name and a ride hitched on a transport from Port Nowhere. Granted, both she and Theron had been off-planet most of that time, but stars, if this one got in so easily how many more could?
Thatâs a problem for another day. It has to be.Â
But for now SCORPIO runs the serials, just for the sake of thoroughness, and- ah. Those faces she knows: Corellia, six years ago; a Coruscanti gala, bloodstains on a black dress; Dromund Kaas, only a month or two before Zakuul.Â
She just hadnât known their real names, then. It wouldnât have mattered if she had.Â
Orders were orders.
âSo youâre ten dead men in a trenchcoat, then? And youâre wrong about that last one, by the way. That was probably Cipher Four. Iâve never been to Ord Mantell.â She pushes his commpad away with a scowl. The damned thingâs wiped clean- all the more likely heâd spoken to Trant within the last half-day, then; that was a lesson from Alderaan that only the Director ought to have learned. With enough time they could have recovered it, but they donât have time. So she turns back to him instead, her thumb and index finger poised on closed eyelids gone puffy from the pressure of the binding. âLast chance to make this easier on yourself. When did you last hear from Marcus Trant?â
âMoreân ten. Way more.â His words are less slurred now, the serum finally taking effect, and Lana sits up straighter. âând hells take your easier. Youâre gonna kill me anyway, so-âÂ
Void, why are they always so insistent on dying?
She doubts he can see her, so she just adds a twinge of melodrama to her sigh. âNot necessarily, agent. You tried to murder me. Naturally, I objected-â a little more pressure on his eye, just enough that he starts to shift against the restraining strap- âbut if I really wanted you dead Iâd have let you use your kill pill instead of wasting perfectly good antitoxin on you. I can be civil if you can.âÂ
Lana closes her eyes, focused and still.
âTo be clear, youâre alive as a means to an end and itâs in your best interest to cooperate. But you and I know how it goes, donât we?â When she lifts her open hand SCORPIO presses the holotransmitter into her palm. âGood soldiers follow orders. Itâs not personal. You were only doing as youâre told.â She leans in closer, knee jostling against his mended leg just a little harder than necessary as the paper drape crinkles, voice lowered in a simulacrum of confidence. âStars, I remember those days. He sits in his big office and sics you on a target, unclips your leash and you just- well. Ours not to reason why, hm?â
The cuff around his right wrist clinks against the arm of the chair as he makes an obscene gesture.Â
Wrong tactic. Well, then.
Her sighâs loud enough to make him flinch. âAnd it was all wrong, wasnât it? All that planning, all that time pacing, writing a five-line message that he never even saw, all for nothing?â His breath stills, his heart rate spikes, and Lokin hooks another syringe to the IV port and slowly pushes the plunger down. âDId you think I wouldnât see? Iâd almost feel sorry for you if it wasnât so utterly pathetic.â
His head lolls forward against the restraint, a counterpressure against her hand.Â
âOh, no, no.â Shifting, she pushes him back upright with two fingertips in the center of his forehead. âNot yet. Not until-â
âI almost got you.â His mouth contorts- it might have passed for a grin in a darker room, teeth bared, feral-Â and something in his voice makes her hair stand on end. She recoils, pulling her hand away from his face even as he pauses. âSo fucking close. Just a few more seconds and Iâdâve bled you dry, Cipher, and then Iâd-â
(The words barely register; heâs not the first and certainly not the most creative person to threaten her with postmortem indecencies but somehow they always think itâs going to shock her into silence, as though itâs the single most awful thing that could ever happen when sheâs lived through far worse horrors and more to the point she wouldnât even know, sheâd be dead).  Â
â-see enough and you know Shanâd come running- Force, that wouldâve been even better, the look on his traitor face even if it was the wrong way round-â
wait.Â
WAIT.
no, Trant wouldnât have-Â
When she blinks she sees it all in the span of a millisecond: half a hundred ways it could have gone, half a hundred indignities inflicted, half a hundred times it breaks Theron for just long enough for the blow to fall. Lana must see something else; she makes the smallest little sound, a muffled gasp of disgust covered over by knuckles cracking in clenched-fisted fury and then a snarled Sith curse she doesnât understand (but Valkorion clearly does- she isnât wrong, he murmurs) and it brings her back to herself.Â
Her comm buzzes; her eyes flick down toward the screen.Â
<ask him about belsavis>
Kicking him for breaking comm silence would be counterproductive, she supposes, but what does Belsavis have to do with anything? If Theron knows his name he ought to have just said so, not making her work harder than she already is.
<Â donât know him but think I know the unit>
<told Marcus it was a bad idea>
<donât think he listened>
That would explain the burned-off tattoos. Stars, has the SIS truly become that desperate? Or was this another Garza project- some experiment likely as not to fail just as Eclipse Squad had, so why waste frontline troops when the Republic had a whole planet full of froth-mouthed maniacs more than happy to keep killing as the cost of their freedom and if things did go bad, well, they were going to die one way or another so what did it matter?  Â
Then SCORPIO blinks once, head turning toward her comm and then, slower, toward the corner and oh, damn it all-
âDidnât think the SIS went in for necrophilia,â she says conversationally, covering her mouth over a particularly exaggerated yawn as Lokin barely stifles a snort. âDonât worry, I wonât tell the Jedi. I am curious, though- did you pick that up on Belsavis, or was that why they locked you up in the first place?â
His teeth clench.Â
âPiracy? Hm, no. Some flavor of war crime, Iâm sure- oh, I know. Fragged your CO, Iâd bet. Youâve got that sort of look.â
âOnomatophobia. Go fuck yourself.â
(Sheâd come at it all wrong, hadnât she?Â
Sheâd thought this wasnât personal because for her it wasnât. Okay, fine, with Trant maybe it is, now, but this is no old enemy. She only hurt him to start with because he cut her first and deeper and even Theron doesnât know his name- and stars know his memoryâs brilliant, to judge by his stories he remembers everyone he ever worked with and it was far harder for him when they werenât all just Minder Ten and Fixer Twelve and Watcher Three. The garotte alone might have been sheer bloody-mindedness in a way she wouldnât have expected from the SIS, but even the Republic for all its supercilious moralizing had its fair share of sadists; Hunter hadnât truly been one of them but theyâd certainly all thought so at the time and still theyâd all turned their heads, every single time, even when sheâd screamed until her voice gave out.
Of course her control word was in her Republic file. He wasnât the only one to try to use it, the first ones in earnest and then, when sheâd shredded enough of them into bloody little pieces that they realized it didnât didnât hold her any more, as a vicious sort of mockery. That worked a bit, she supposes; maybe it always will. Not well enough to save them, of course.
Sheâd thought it wasnât personal, that orders were orders and heâd come after Theron because he had to. But stars, sheâd been out of the game for five fucking years and heâs practically got her dossier memorized, errors and all, and heâd called Theron a traitor and the first time she really pushes his buttons he-
Oh, this was very personal.)
âNo,â she says, and breathes, trying to untie the panic-knot tightening in her chest, âI donât think I will.â Snatching up a scalpel from the instrument tray as her voice wavers, she presses its tip, just so, beneath his chin. âYou thought you were close? Close only counts in horseshoes and heavy ordnance, puppy, and that and a slip of my handâll buy you an unmarked grave. And-â heâs trying not to move, trying not to flinch. A single bead of blood wells up beneath the blade and stars, itâd be so easy, just one little movement and stay calm stay calm stay calm- âyou still havenât answered my question. When did you last hear from Marcus Trant?â
Lana exhales as her gaze comes back into focus, lip curling. Whatever she saw, she didnât like it. âToday. It was today. But beyond that-â
âItâs good enough.â It was never going to be that easy. âSCORPIO, you donât still have Belsavis census access, do you?âÂ
A yellow flash, and then- âI am no longer tethered to Ward 23, and what I retained is long out of date. Proximity would be required.â
âNever mind. Weâll move on to the holo, then. Doctor?â
âReady.â Lokin nods approvingly as she sets the scalpel down. âRetractor?â
âRetractor, please. Left eye.â
One click. Two clicks. Three. Â
The âpub squirms, fighting the restraining strap in earnest as he tries to blink against the cold metal instrument. âWhat are you-â his pupil constricts until she shifts the operating light away- âyou gonna take my eyes now, Cipher? Keep âem in a jar somewhere, or-â
The holoâs scanner locks on as she holds it level with his forced-open eye. âNo, thank you. I never was much for souvenirs.âÂ
It chimes cheerfully as it comes to life in her hand; she flips idly through the settings. The user IDâs a string of alphanumeric gibberish, the message systemâs not set up and the whole thingâs still on factory default but sheâd expected all of that. Itâs almost certainly a burner. The call logâs intact, though, with four time-stamped entries. One: incoming but barely five seconds long, likely a functionality test. Not useful. Two: outgoing, eighteen days old. Confirmation of arrival? Thatâs a Coruscanti subnet, but that could be a handler. Three: outgoing, one day old, to the same address as the second- theyâd landed back from Nar Shaddaa by then.Â
Four:Â incoming. Coruscant again, but a different address. One minute and six seconds duration.Â
Two and a half hours ago.Â
He said heâd call it off, Void damn him. If Trant kept his word and sheâs wrong, if she burns the last thin strands of the bridge between Theron and everything he ever believed in to ashes and sheâs wrong-
(He did say he would call them. Reflected in the freezerâs glass door, Valkorion tilts his head contemplatively. And tell them what?
He said-Â
he said-
[-but those last few breaths last longer if you donât struggle, donât they? Youâll figure that out soon enough.]
For the first time she can remember there is something like approval in his smile. So you did hear it, he says. But oh, little Cipher, you didnât listen.)    Â
She gestures to Lana and Lokin, pointing with two fingers at each one in turn and then the door with a snap of her wrist that sets it throbbing. âAll of you but SCORPIO, clear the room. Now.â
Lana blinks but itâs Lokin who speaks first. âCommander, if I may? If you plan to proceed further, the subject may require additional stabilizing mea-â
âWait outside until I call for you. Thatâs an order.â
Heâs halfway to the door before Lana starts to move from the benchtop and even then she pauses beside her as she passes, one hand on her shoulder and her mouth lowered level with her ear. âYouâre not getting Valkorion involved? I know youâd rather not dial out blind, but I thought I felt-â
âIâm not,â she murmurs in reply. âOn either count. But if this goes bad I donât want you in the room when it does.â Â
âAll right.â The sheer force of disapproval contained in Lanaâs sigh might have leveled buildings; it isnât all right and they both know it but itâs far too late to argue over it now. âShould I go and find Theron, then? I can think of some excuse to keep him with me until youâve finished.â
They both startle at the sound of SCORPIOâs voice. âUnnecessary. He is-â her heart stops as the droidâs eyes flicker- âsecure.â
âWe canât be certain of that. He still doesnât know, does he? If thereâs a second-â
âI see many things that you do not, Lord Beniko.â Five metallic fingers uncurl ceilingward (not toward the corner; her heart stutters, then resumes). âI am perfectly certain.â
Lips pressed together, nostrils flared, Lana grits her teeth against a retort before she simply continues toward the exit. âThen I will wait,â she says, a sparking halo of electricity coiling around her words as the door slides shut behind her, âuntil I am needed.âÂ
And then the room is quiet save the beeping monitors, the âpubâs ragged breathing and the sharp rattle of his restraints, and Nine glances sidelong at SCORPIO as she settles herself carefully in the blind spot on his right. âBe nice.â
âError. Program file: nice not found.âÂ
She must have iterated again; the sarcasmâs new. Rolling her eyes, she glances down at her comm again.Â
<Â Also, you are welcome.>
She flicks an ironic salute toward the droid and that too makes her wrist ache. More time in the tank, then, on the way to Voss. More time lost that she canât afford and a favor owed that she probably canât afford either- stars know SCORPIOâs kept secrets for her well enough through the years but sheâs no particular fondness for Theron; the last time heâd cracked a joke about needing a processor update sheâd signal-locked his implant to play That Slippery Little Hutt Of Mine on repeat for forty-three minutes straight until half his face was twitching and heâd finally apologized- but hopefully that can be negotiated. Ongoing access to the network, maybe. Lana will fuss and sheâll be right, but if that message had gone through unintercepted they all know what it might have meant. Itâs a small enough price.
âIf youâre done arguing-â the âpubâs slurring again. Heâs burning through the serum faster than sheâs ever seen- âeither get this thing off me or-â
If he keeps that up she may as well not bother with the call. She ought to have known better than to think that heâd say much of anything useful but his rantingâs absolutely tedious; theyâre going to need to gag him after all, arenât they? It wasnât supposed to be that sort of interrogation, but she also hadnât particularly expected him to- oh, if he calls her that one more time she might just stab him after all. (Like heâs got any room to criticize- all her old sins could overfill an archive but at least sheâs not a stars-damned corpsefucker.) âShh.â When she tilts her head toward it SCORPIO picks up the spacerâs tape and tears a strip from the roll, pressing it firmly over his mouth until th+e noise quiets into muffled incomprehensibility. âThatâs quite enough out of you, I think.â
Hm. That brings to mind a better idea, actually.Â
âDo we have enough input for a voiceprint? Something like this?â Tapping a brief message into her commpad, she sends it through to SCORPIO. Only a few lines, but if it truly is Trant on the other end of the connection it should be enough to be certain.
It has to be enough.
She doesnât look toward the corner. She mustnât look toward the corner.Â
âWay more than enough.â Itâs near enough a perfect mimic. SCORPIO folds her arms smugly and the âpub goes grey. âPrepared for playback.â
âOn my signal, then, but give me a twenty second delay on video.â Her fingers twitch despite themselves, tingling at the tips; she forces her breathing into rhythm. (Lana was right. She isnât fine.Â
Lana was always right. But she doesnât have a choice.)Â
Inhale. âAnd prep the package files for transmission on verbal command. No passcode.â Exhale.
A pause, a flash of scarlet. Inhale. âYes, Commander.â
Exhale.Â
Inhale. She smooths her hair back, adjusts her collar carefully under her chin, slaps both cheeks briskly with closed fingers to bring a little color into them and even that little jolt rattles her brain inside her skull. She considers, briefly, the backs of her eyelids. That seems to help. Exhale.Â
The far corner remains quiet.Â
She lifts the holo in line with the âpubâs eye once more as his pupil shimmers finely from side to side; theyâd definitely pushed the dose too high but even so itâs far faster than it ought to be, chasing some other vice out of his system, and the camera struggles, beeping and chirping error after error until finally it locks on.Â
Inhale. Exhale.Â
She meets SCORPIOâs gaze, scrolls back to the end of the call log, and presses redial.Â
Inhale.
âConnecting.â The tinny synthetic voice of the SIS operator sets her nerves on edge. âConnecting.â Come on, pick up-
The channel opens with a click and she nods, lets her breath out into the following silence before the voiceprint begins.
âItâs done. Shan and the Cipher. Wrong way âround, but-â
âWell-â the video delay goes both ways but she doesnât need it, sheâs heard Marcus Trantâs voice in so many briefings itâs burned into her brain; the last brittle shard of hope sheâd clung to shatters and leaves her with nothing left but rage. How dare he- âitâs about fucking time.â
Oh, she is going to end him.
***
Nineâs body language shifts then, her spine rigid where sheâd been starting to hunch forward in fatigue, her hands fisted, fingernails digging hard into her palms. Her stance settles, just a little wider, forward on her toes; her chin lifts. He canât see her face, still angled toward the prisoner.Â
âSend the photo confirmation, then execute extraction- and get your video on. Where are you?â Force, heâs going to throw up. Even when Jonas told him, even after hearing Marcus with his own ears he hadnât wanted to believe it. Heâd called it off. It had to be a mistake- or maybe Nineâs paranoia got the better of her (and he knows why and he doesnât fault her, she canât help Valkorion in her head and the poison heâs feeding her day after day after day) and this was just another shadow to peer into. Dragged into the light, it would have been nothing at all. A mistake. A mistake.Â
She nods to the droid once again. â Just a few more seconds. Bad connection but Iâve almost got it.âÂ
He shudders. The copyworkâs uncanny and he knows for sure thatâs not all readback. If SCORPIO gets it in her head to playact as one of them, starts giving orders in Lanaâs voice or Kothâs or his own? Heâs no reason to think she would, but whatever loyalty she seems to owe starts and ends with Nine. Theyâve got to talk about it, at least. Â
Nine angles away from their prisoner, raises the comm chest-high as the little hologram springs up in the hollow of her hand. He can see her better now, her face blank and beautiful and perfectly, utterly cold, and then she smiles and-Â
(He has spent far more time than heâd ever admit to, from Rishi to Ziost to Zakuul to tonight, every hit and hurt and shattered bone and her bloody armor left in a pile again and again on the medbay floor, being scared for Nine.Â
This might be the first time heâs honestly been scared of her.)
âHello, Director,â she says. âWeâve really got to stop meeting like this.â
Itâs only a little flinch, but itâs there. âCipher. Still alive, I see.â
âCommander. You lied to me, Marcus. You know what happens now.â
âI think youâll find that I didnât.âÂ
Every syllable of her laughterâs a rifle shot, clear and piercing. âYes, yes. You said youâd call, and you did.â By his posture heâs caught and he knows it, back straight, shoulders set. âBut you know perfectly well that wasnât our agreement. To go by the way Theron spoke of you Iâd have thought you an honorable man, but-â
Marcus lifts one hand, a futile placation as Nineâs mocking smile fades back into hard-eyed silence. âI really am sorry about Theron, for what little itâs worth. He-â
âYouâre sorry?â That wasnât a laugh, not quite, halfway caught in her broken throat. âYouâre certainly about to be, but Theronâs fine. This puppy was just as stupid as the last one- worse, actually, since he got himself caught in the bargain.â She turns her body, lets the camera capture the prisoner behind her straining against the chair straps in wide-eyed muffled fury. âHe never got anywhere close to Theron.â
âHe knows, then?â (He still canât see Marcusâ face. He isnât sure whether he wants to.)
She shrugs, noncommittal. âOne thing at a time.â Her free hand gestures vaguely toward the instrument tray. âIâve been a bit busy, Iâm afraid, and now Iâve got all these dossiers to send off-â   Â
âIâd suggest some time in kolto first. You donât look at all well, Cipher.â
âCommander.â When she blinks her eyes stay closed half a second too long and she sways back and forth and stars, she needs to sit down before she falls over but sheâs too stubborn to let anyone see her hurting. He knows her tells now, though- her jaw clenches, her left hand curls and uncurls. âFive years in carbonite couldnât kill me. You honestly thought a garotte would be enough?â
âNo,â Marcus says softly. âNot really. But we make do with what we have, donât we?â
âI suppose we do. SCORPIO, transmit file Eclipse . Full recipient list.â
One red flash, two green. âTransmission complete.â
(She really did it. Oh, fuck, she really, actually did it.Â
He should never have gone home. He should never have gone-Â Â
It isnât home. Not any more.)Â
Marcus sighs. âWhere?â
âEverywhere.â Nine looks up abruptly as one of the monitors sounds yet again; she reaches up and simply shuts it off completely and at this angle he can finally see properly, both of their faces in profile. âEvery reputable news service in the Core Worlds and about half of the disreputable ones, so you may want to warn your receptionist. I suspect your switchboardâs about to melt.â
âSheâll handle it, and Eclipse Squad was Elinâs mess. Iâm afraid I canât comment. Now, if weâre finished-â
âWe are not. Transmit file Legate. Full list. Call it off. Now.â
One red flash, two green, and Marcus winces, his composure finally breaking. âAre you out of your fucking mind? No one came out of that clean, you least of all.â
âI might be.â A knock at the door- no, itâs there, not here, and a comm chiming. âBut Legate died in a warehouse collapse on Quesh, poor thing, though with all those warheads going up at once confirming it was quite impossible. Pity.â
A single vein pulses across his forehead.Â
âCall it off.â
Another knock. âDo you think Theron will believe that?â
âHe doesnât need to. He knows about the Castellan restraints- heâs known for years.â She glances, for the smallest fraction of a second, toward his corner. âI think heâll understand if I blur the truth a little.âÂ
(He nods before he remembers she canât see him. Of course he understands. He wishes she hadnât done it, wishes she hadnât needed to do any of this, but of course he understands.)
The room goes quiet, the stillness broken only by restraint buckles clinking against the chair frame.Â
âDo you think heâll believe this?âÂ
The angle of her headâs a wordless question.Â
âWhat wouldnât you do to bring down an enemy? The head of the SIS, no less.â The framing of the projection changes, the bottom edge of a screen coming into view as he stands up slowly from his desk. Marcusâd always lived at the office, one of so many bad habits heâd passed down to him over all the years theyâd worked together (the work always comes first, heâd said. It always will. It will take everything you can give to it and then it will take more and youâll swear and shout and threaten to quit. And then you wonât, because this is what we were made for. And that is how we win). âItâs everything you ever worked toward. So: a foiled assassination attempt in your own base- how terrible.â He clicks his tongue, a mocking little tsk. âYouâd have to retaliate, and who would fault you?â
Nineâs eyes narrow.Â
âBut if it came out that you set it all up- a few intercepted messages, perhaps, shared by an old friend-â
Her lips draw back from her bared teeth. âStay away from him.â
âIâm finished,â Marcus says. âI know that. But that doesnât mean you get to win. Once a iiar, always a liar, Cipher Nine. Who do you think heâll believe- you? Or me?â
No. He wouldnât. He wouldnât . Not that it would have made a difference, but Marcus couldnât have known that- Force, he really is going to throw up.
(When Theron joined the SIS he was seventeen years old and every adult heâd known for more than a galactic standard month had abandoned him, sold him out or simply sold him at the first sign heâd outgrown his usefulness. It took nearly a year on Coruscant, nearly a year of steady paychecks and a bed to sleep in every night, before he owned more clothes than he could fit into a go bag; it took almost two before he stopped apologizing for asking for equipment. But Marcus never gave up on him, even when he fucked up (which back then was more often than not), even when he bristled and snapped like a half-wild animal, even when he wanted to give up on himself. If Master Zho had been the nearest thing heâd known to a father- stars knows it wasnât Jace, especially not now- Marcus had come close too, once.
Once.)
She takes a deep breath. Sheâs fading fast, now, hands tremulous even as sheâs fighting to keep the holo steady. He canât just sit here and watch this, he canât, he canât-   Â
âHer,â Theron says, letting the stealth field drop as he takes a step forward and she spins, startled, at the sound of his voice. It comes out as a gasp; he doesnât even know how long heâs been holding his breath. âWho do I believe? Her. Always.â
Marcus buckles like heâs been gut-shot, bracing himself against his desk. âYou- you said you hadnât told him yet. You said-â
âI think youâll find that I didnât.â Nine smiles, absolutely feral and absolutely beautiful, and he steadies her with one hand at the small of her back. âThough as you can see, I really have been busy.â
The last time he saw that look on his face was the day the blockade went up around Coruscant. âHello, Theron.â
âHello, Marcus.â
He sits back into his chair, heavy, elbows resting on the desktop. âThis office would have been yours, you know. You were ready for it. But youâre on the wrong side of the war.â
âWhich war?â Nine says it at the same time he does and then she dips her head, ever so slightly- you first. âWeâre here fighting Zakuul. Weâre here fighting Arcann,â he continues, âand weâre finally winning. I know you know that. I know Jace knows that, and I know youâre both still fighting the same fucking war against the Empire that youâve been fighting since before I was born because for you thatâs the only thing that matters. But Iâm not.â
âYou dare-â
âI made my choice,â he says softly. âNow you make yours. Are you going to drag the whole SIS down with you?â
Marcus rests his head in his hands. For a moment itâs the day after the Ascendant Spear, the day after Ziost, the day after Tython, the weight of a thousand impossible choices and ten thousand lies pressing down on him, and then he looks up and shakes his head. âNo.â He sighs. âNo, Iâm not. What happens now?â
âResign,â Nine murmurs. âRetire. Disappear before the Senate comes for you, or let them scapegoat you: I donât care what you do, but you will call this off. You will do it now, and if I ever have reason to doubt you- if anyone from the Republic so much as breathes harm in Theronâs direction- the Ralltiir file goes public.â
Someoneâs pounding on his office door, a womanâs voice shouting something incomprehensible as he reaches out of frame, and then a few moments later a series of four tones in a cadence burned into his own memory-Â send message; subnet selected; confirm?-
Message sent.Â
The holotransmitter in Nineâs hand chimes.Â
âDone. Now, if thereâs nothing else?â
Nine turns once more (and he turns with her, careful) to put their prisoner back into frame. âWhat do you want me to do with him? Iâd put him back on Belsavis if I was you, but-â
Marcus stands up abruptly, even as he makes a face as she says Belsavis, at the unmistakable sound of a single round of blaster fire and the hiss of a door sliding open. âElin,â he snaps, ânot now -â
âYes, now.â General Garzaâs got a blaster pistol in one hand and a commpad in the other when she crosses into camera view. âI just got a fucking call from the fucking- oh.â She cranes her neck toward the projector. âWell, we can fix that problem, at least-â
The call disconnects abruptly.
Nine sags against him, exhausted. âIâm sorry,â he whispers, âI know I promised-âÂ
âCommander.â Heâd nearly forgotten SCORPIO was still at the console until she speaks, and heâs never heard that tone from her before; he looks sharply up at her and follows her sightline. The prisonerâs sitting bolt-straight, back rigid, eyes wide, and a high-pitched whine like a drill through durasteel shrills warning from somewhere that isnât his mouth- âCommander, get down!â
All Theron can do is drop where theyâre standing, his body a shield over Nineâs, before thereâs an awful wet noise and the smell of blood and something else familiar in his nose, hot and metallic and not his and not hers and even though he knows he shouldnât he looks up again and oh, fuck-
The lab door slides open and Doctor Lokin comes running into the room, Lana just behind with her lightsaber blazing, and they both stop short at the sight of it, at the âpub still strapped into the chair with half his head just gone and at him and Nine on the blood-spattered floor.
âWhat- who-â Lana covers her mouth with her free hand. âWhat in the Void happened?â
Nineâs shaking so hard she can barely move; he curls her close against him to keep her upright. âNot me,â she whispers. âNot me.â
â it would have been better to die. â for the sentence starters! I'd love to read some swtor but if another world speaks to you more then go for it ^^
(This may or may not show up in a future chapter in some form- this version is emphatically a draft and Iâm still working out the dynamic between these two, so weâll call this a character study.)
SWTOR. Nine and Satele.)
*
â-because of a lie?â Satele raises an eyebrow over the rim of her cup. âForgive me, but Iâd have thought Theron would be used to that.â
âBecause you know him so well?â Void, sheâs got to get out of here. When she tries to sit up, though, her head throbs ominously where it had slammed against the canyon wall and her nerves hum electric and she sighs, settling back onto the pillow. She could use another kolto syringe or even a few tablets of painkiller but she owes her too much already so she turns to her side instead, face toward the cabin wall. âI donât want to talk about it,â she mutters, âparticularly not with you. Look, I appreciate that you rescued me, but-â
If that registered thereâs no sign of it in Sateleâs voice, as even and unperturbed as ever. âYou would have died there otherwise. The shade stalkers were already swarming when I found you.â
Nine sighs. âOr youâd have killed me. You told me that already.â
âNot once I was reasonably certain you were still you.â
âYou ought to have left me.â With her eyes closed the pain quiets. âIt would have been better if Iâd died. At least with him inside my head he couldnât hurt anyone else, or if Iâd died here alone maybe Iâd have dragged him down with me to the hells. Now heâs loose again and-â oh, stars- âweâve got to warn them. If he tries here what he did on Ziost-â The cup clinks gently against the floor grate, the little crate scraping backward as the Jedi rises to press her hand against her forehead. It was meant to calm her, she thinks, but it reminds her for a moment of the restraining strap in the chair at the Intelligence Tower and she twists away abruptly- or tries to, her body hopelessly tangled in the thin blanket.Â
âIâm not going to hurt you, Ciph-â Satele catches herself neatly; she barely heard the correction- âCommander, and heâs not going to hurt Odessen. Be calm.â
When she rolls onto her back sheâs looking down at her and the colorâs wrong but oh, her eyes look so much like Theronâs. âYou canât know that.â
âI do. Heâs still tethered to you-â (but he said- she interrupts, and Satele raises a hand to quiet her)- âand he will be until he is destroyed or you die. If he wanted to leave you to claim another host or draw more power heâd have done so at the first possible opportunity, which would suggest that heâs incapable of it. So either he truly believes youâre the best option he has, which seems unlikely, or youâre the only option he has. Why did he hurt you?â
âNow youâve hurt my feelings.â
Force, even her eyerollâs just like his. âI only meant that you arenât Force sensitive- or werenât, though itâs difficult to separate you from how heâs changed you. It breaks a pattern he began a thousand years ago, that he deliberately bred into his heirs, and I cannot imagine it was intentional.â Satele shrugs, settling back down onto the crate. âI suspect he thought he could simply shunt you aside and assume control.â
She carefully unwinds the blanket from around her legs. âMore fool he, then.â No one controls her. Never. Never again. âAnd to answer your question, he thinks that if he keeps hurting me that eventually Iâll give in and let him help. I said no.â Her belly twinges. âAgain.â
âAnd yet youâre still alive. Still you.â
âYes,â she says quietly. The lightâs hurting her head again; she closes her eyes tight against it. âFor what little thatâs worth.â
âIt might be worth everything,â Satele murmurs. âIt might be worth the galaxy.â
Hitting a little writer's block again, so I'm picking away at some old prompts to clear out the cobwebs. Here's a small snippet of one.
*
âOne more. Please?â
âWhat about-â he considers, head tilted and arms folded across his chest, fingers drumming an irregular rhythm on his jacket sleeves- âwhat about the time Aunt Lana and I convinced everyone on Rishi your mom was a pirate?â
Ysa makes a face at him, all the scorn a five-year-old can muster contained in one wrinkled-nosed expression, and Nine has to turn her head away and bite her lip to keep from laughing. âYou told me that one last week. It was supposed to be a- a canni-â her mouth makes the shape of the word and her tongue trips over it. âPirate who eats people.â
âCannibal,â Nine prompts, drawing the curtains closed across the darkening window.Â
âI know. I just forgot the word.â Ysa settles back into her pillows, looking up at him expectantly. âAnd then Mama had to fight a bunch of real pirates and then she yelled at you and Aunt Lana for a week and then-â
Nine does actually laugh, then; he shrugs, winks at her, and sits down on the corner of the bed.
(I promised I'd get to these! This one's got a little bit of a throwback to another prompt fill from about a thousand years ago...)
She should have been watching him.Â
She should have been watching him but instead, as the GEMINI unit sparks and collapses, she stands staring at the smoldering chambers as her stomach twists itself into knots. She knows those faces, locked now into open-mouthed rigor. She knows them. Knew them.
Theron was right. Of course he was right. You have no idea, heâd said on Copero, her hand on his mouth and her heart in his teeth, how deep this thing goes, Nine. No idea.
She hadnât. She thought she had, but-
She should have been watching Atrius. He wasnât dead and she knows that, knows better than to turn her back on a wounded enemy. Instead, sheâs looking up at Marcus fucking Trant, may the Void devour him, when Lana screams out a warning; she turns, too late, as the tip of a Force pike rips through Theron from back to front. He drops like a stone, on hands and knees, crawling, and then his arms give way and she is running, running but not fast enough to catch him before he collapses.Â
For a moment she thinks of Asylum and the memory of it alone staggers her mid-stride. Even with Valkorion still in her head then, even with all his power keeping her alive, it was agony. Theron doesnât have that, doesnât have anything but himself-Â oh, stars, they were so close. So close to the end of this terrible year, so close to him finally, finally coming home. To lose him now-
Lanaâs pulling him clear now, his head lolling to one side, a bright halo already coalescing around her before another, brighter light in the periphery of her vision finally forces her to look away from him. (She cannot. She cannot. If he stops breathing while she isnât looking, if he dies-)Â
âTheir blood is on your hands, Commander.â Atrius gestures broadly around him, at the broken bodies that fueled Zildrog and upward, outward as she imagines the sky full of the pieces of what was once the Eternal Fleet. âHis blood-â he points toward Theron (still breathing, still breathing, oh, please keep breathing, love, just a little longer)- âis on your hands.â
She racks her rifle and draws her blade. A blade did little against a machine-god, but he is no machine and no god and she will rip him to pieces for this. âNo,â she says. âNo. But yours is about to be.âÂ
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writing again. almost the whole last chapter went into the bin- whether thatâs a good idea or not remains quite entirely to be seen- but so far this iteration of it isnât fighting me nearly as hard and i think itâll work better tonally. maybe. possibly?
itâll have a long authorâs note, but suffice it to say that life imitated art in a pretty awful way about a year ago- not for me directly, but for someone I was asked to care for after the awful- and I hit a block I couldnât work my way around for a very long time. getting there, now.
1) This entire piece of plot came out of a question I couldnât shake thatâs completely Imperial Agent specific. If youâre playing an IA who stayed allied with the Empire, the Order of Zildrog member who confronts you on Nathema is Marcus Trant. But what exactly did Cipher Nine do that would make Trant, Director of the SIS since she was a literal child, quit the Republic complete and join an apocalypse cult focused on killing her?
This was my answer to that question.
2) What happened at the end? Weâll get to that. But Garza learned something from Eclipseâs failure- they didnât have a failsafe. She had to send Havoc to hunt them down, and sheâs not one to repeat mistakes. The people for that new project came from Belsavis. The failsafe came from another prison entirely.
I was outlining the next chapter on my phone and just had the best worst whole section of text somehow lodge itself into my brain like a straight shot from my fucking id-
-and Iâm going to have to remember it in long form for the next several hours - yes, I made cheat notes- because if I open Google Docs on my work computer while Big Brotherâs watching and actually write any of that down it is going to raise some questions.
(Also, Iâve been writing these two little shits for nigh unto eight years now and they still somehow find ways to throw me for a loop. I thought I knew how this scene was going to end and then someone decides weâre playing- I donât even know, fucking kink Uno over here throwing down a reverse card, and itâs magnificently in character and I just- ARGH.)