Tomorrow I have an appointment with a specialist. I have been referred to him several times by different doctors. I have seen him several times, for three years now. The same doctor. Last spring, he closed my file: "I can't do anything". And yet, tomorrow I go back to see him. They tell me "He's the best" and I tell them "He won't do anything". They insist and each time, it's the same thing. I'm wasting time. Tomorrow I will have to fight against my anxieties of going to the hospital during this horrible pandemic to go see a doctor who no longer wants to see me. I would walk out of his office a little more discouraged. And yet...I feel bad. I know that. I feel it. They don't take me seriously. I no longer have the energy to fight, nor to make myself understood. I don't know what to say anymore. I'm writing my notes and I don't know where to start. He will say "What can I do for you?". Nothing. Nobody can help me.
