#internetvoid

I don’t know why, but her passing hit me harder than I expected. Maybe because I’ve been there, not exactly in her place, but in that space where everything feels too heavy and too quiet. I’ve been diagnosed, and every day I try my best to stay afloat, to find a reason to keep going. Some days, I do. Other days, I just survive the hours. It’s not easy. It never has been.

People often think mental health struggles look loud visible, dramatic, easy to notice. But most of the time, they’re quiet. They show up in small things: forgetting to reply, canceling plans, laughing a little too quickly so no one notices the exhaustion behind it. The world only sees the version of us that’s edited for comfort, the one that smiles, performs, and convinces everyone we’re fine. But that’s not the full story. That’s just the fictional version of us people accept because the truth makes them uncomfortable.

And lately, I’ve been crying more often. Maybe because I’m tired of pretending. Maybe because seeing someone else’s light go out reminds me how fragile we all are. How easily words can wound, how loneliness can build even in crowded rooms, and how scary it is to admit that you’re not okay.

I wish people understood that mental health isn’t something you “get over.” It’s something you live with something you learn to carry without letting it crush you. And some days, just existing is an act of courage.

So if you’re reading this and you’re struggling too, please know this: you’re not alone. You’re not a burden. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Trying is enough. Breathing is enough. You are enough.

i think I’ve seen one post about the Fuga impossível refrence pac made before BUT GUYS. I just- what I’m saying is despite Cellbit not being there (FILHO DE PUTA VENHA CÁ) he’s so haunting this narrative. Obviously you can see this with Roier (coffee ritual I am LOOKING AT YOU) but it’s more subtle for Pac.

idk they’re relationship is so complicated and fucked up and drives me absolutely bonkers. They are doing so bad it’s insane. I just have a lot of thoughts about the cubitos (mostly Pac if I’m being honest) and Celltw is haunting me! Idk I could make an entire separate thing about that through my AroAce lens, but what I’m trying to say is Cellbit is like bloodstains. They may look clean and gone but they always leave a trace, the clothes are stained forever now, it’s still in the cracks haunting you.

It’s okay if your victories don’t look like everyone else’s. Sometimes, victory is eating something today. Sometimes, it’s answering a message instead of disappearing. Sometimes, it’s just staying, one more hour, one more night, one more sunrise.

Healing isn’t a straight road. It’s a messy, uneven trail filled with setbacks, tears, and tiny moments of light that barely last long enough to notice. But those moments matter. They’re proof that something inside you still believes in a future you haven’t met yet.

You don’t need to be positive all the time. You don’t need to have it figured out. You don’t need to force yourself to be okay just because others expect you to. You only need to keep trying, not because the world deserves your effort, but because you do.

You’ve survived things that should’ve broken you. You’ve endured storms no one else saw. And even if it doesn’t feel like it, you’re growing in the cracks of your pain.

Please keep going. Even when it hurts. Even when it’s unfair. Even when it feels like no one sees you.

Because one day, you’ll look back and realize that every moment you chose to stay, every night you whispered, just one more day, was building a life you were always meant to find.

I know, I know, I disappeared for a bit. Sorry, internet void. (｡•́︿•̀｡) It wasn’t intentional, I just got caught up chasing melodies and scribbling lines that somehow felt truer than anything I could say out loud. Writing songs became my little escape, a place where I could untangle the mess in my head and turn it into something that at least sounds beautiful.

The hours slipped away without me even realizing it. One moment I was strumming aimlessly, the next I had a half-finished chorus looping in my brain like a stubborn ghost. (¬‿¬) But there’s something addictive about it, the way words and chords collide to create a piece of me I didn’t even know existed.

Stepping back from everything else felt selfish at first, like I was abandoning the world just to hum to myself in the corner. But maybe that’s okay? Sometimes silence is the only way to hear what’s actually going on inside.

I missed writing here though. Talking into this vast digital nothingness, the internet void, feels like tossing paper airplanes into the night sky, hoping one lands somewhere. Even if no one catches them, at least they’re flying.

So here I am again, resurfacing, guitar still in hand, lyrics scribbled on scraps of paper scattered across my desk. If disappearing meant I could return with new stories, new melodies, then maybe it wasn’t really disappearing at all. (≧◡≦)

i think that’s why i find comfort in it. the moon does not rush its phases. it allows itself to wane, to thin into a fragile curve of light, to become almost nothing before it grows again. there’s something deeply human about that rhythm. we are not meant to be whole and shining all the time. sometimes we are meant to dim, to rest, to gather ourselves in the dark.

when i look at the moon, i’m reminded that distance does not mean disconnection. it feels far away, untouchable, and yet it pulls at the tides. it moves oceans without ever raising its voice. maybe strength can be quiet like that. maybe presence does not have to be loud to be powerful.

and like… I don’t do this in real life,, I’ve never been that “if my friends don’t respond they don’t like me anymore :(“ person it ONLY happens on Tumblr dot com