#inner war

I’m burning like a coal,

and even the logs you throw at me only press deeper into my bruises.

You bring flowers to soften me,

but the splashes meant for watering them run down my skin like warnings.

Your breath once promised to set me free,

but now it counts my battles for me.

A river comes to take me away,

and under the bridge the whispers start again—

stories about me, about you,

Time didn’t stop all at once.

It slipped.

Soft at first, like it was stretching its arms, waking up slow, warning me.

The air felt so heavy in the way only certain nights do.

The kind of heavy that lives under the skin, crawls through your veins. 

The kind that says something is coming.

I remember smoke.

Warm. Familiar.

Breathing in, breathing out.

Trying to calm the tremor in my chest.

There were sirens blaring

Sirens blaring, not from the street.

From the sky.

As if the universe itself was screaming.

So loud it felt silent.

So violent the world went still.

And in that silence, everything inside me snapped into slow motion.

Seven seconds.

That’s how long it lasted.

Or maybe it was forever.

It’s hard to tell the difference when your body forgets how to count.

I felt my heartbeat slam against my ribs.

I felt the air go thin.

I felt the ground fall away.

And then

I wasn’t inside myself anymore.

I was above, watching.

Some version of me stood there, breathing.

Another version floated, waiting.

Something ended in those seven seconds.

Something I never got back.

People think trauma is the moment itself.

It’s not.

It’s the echo.

The way time keeps folding you back into it.

Because the truth is

this wasn’t the first night like this.

And it wouldn’t be the last.

There have been other sirens.

Other silences.

Other versions of me left behind in the dark.

I survived, call it strength.

But you don’t see what I buried to keep going.

You didn’t see what never woke up again.

The world started moving.

Everyone kept talking.

Everything went back to normal.

Except me.

I stayed in that night.

Still listening.

Still waiting

The Rodeo - Inner war

I do the things I don't want to do

Good Morning/Afternoon Tumblrs!

There is no fight left in her. And that's the best thing that ever happened for her. For far too long the futile battle of light & dark has left her exhausted. She's accepting both light & dark as the inherent gifts of the universe. She's not in a duelling match with them. The light no longer wishes to 'reform' her dark, and her dark no longer wants to 'control' the light. Suddenly, she's not playing the polarity game. She's not fooled into buying the teaching that there's something wrong with her that needs fixing, and she's got work to do before she's finally 'good'. Her divinity is in fully embracing her humanity. All of it. So where's the imperfection? The myth that one day light will vanquish the dark and there will be peace would have kept her exhausted & imprisoned. She's already at peace right now! Even the light and dark within her are sitting at peace with each other. Game over. What she's experiencing in the ceasing of war is an unbelievable tranquillity & peace. Thank goddess she believed in her own wisdom. Author: Joyous Woman With Sukhvinder Sircar