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Aroace culture is getting compared to robots by people in your own community because you experience zero attraction and are non-partnering and they want to get the approval of allos by saying how human they are for falling in love.
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Let's stop with the infighting
I, and many others in aspec spaces, have recently seen a rise in infighting, exclusionism, erasure, etc. and it's getting genuinely exhausting. I strongly encourage everyone to take a step back, consider what's happening and how others are feeling, and remember that other aspecs are not your enemies. Amatonormativity, allonormativity, compulsory sexuality, etc are the enemy.
I have been seeing attacks coming from all sides of aspec communities, and it makes me feel ill to think about. I get the frustrations that everyone is raising, I truly do, but taking things to the point of personal insults, stereotyping, exclusionism, and general cruelty helps no one, and only leads to further issues.
I am, personally, a romance and sex averse/repulsed (depends on the day), non-partnering, bold-stripe aroace (I experience no romantic or sexual attraction). I want to be very clear about where I fall on the aroace-spectrum, because it is relevant to my interpretations of what has been happening and my exposure to it.
I have, unfortunately, seen a lot of cruel comments about my type of aroaceness (which, for simplicity's sake, I will be calling "the far end of the aroace spectrum"). Not just on Tumblr, but on Reddit, on Twitter, and on Bluesky. Things like calling people on the far end of the spectrum: heartless, robotic, monsters, evil, bad stereotypes.
Often, this sort of thing is in reference to a character (and their desire to ship a character) but saying "But aros/aces can date and have sex! This [aro/ace] doesn't have to be a heartless monster!" or "I'm headcanoning this character as alloromantic demisexual because not all aces are that bad stereotype!" are direct insults towards me and my orientation. It's inherently implying that there is something wrong with my identity, and that only those who are grey-aspec or favorable are okay. It's implying that anyone on the far end of the spectrum is somehow lesser, bad, or broken.
My being romance/sex-repulsed is part of my orientation and identity, not just a preference. My being non-partnering is part of my orientation and identity, not just a preference. My being a bold-stripe aroace is part of my orientation and identity, not just a preference. These are immutable characteristics of myself that I keep seeing get insulted and demonized. And that demonization is aphobia.
Aspec people are not immune to being aphobic, especially via unconcious biases influenced by allonormativity. I am not immune to being aphobic. I have had to do serious work to set aside my biases and open myself up to understanding identities like aplatonic and afamilial when I first learned about them. Hell, my internalized arophobia was so bad that I didn't realize that I was aromantic for years.
Shipping a character is one thing. Using aphobic and allonormative arguments to justify doing so is another entirely, and it feels like no one is bringing this up.
No one, that is, except for exclusionists.
Because, apparently, aspec gatekeeping is back, and I am sick and tired of this bullshit. Grey aces are ace. Demi aces are ace. Cupio aces and aego aces and acefluxes and acespikes and every other acespec microlabel under the sun is ace. And the same goes for the arospec, aplspec, afamspec, etc.
Asexuality, at it's most simple and widely accepted definition, is experiencing little to no sexual attraction. I feel like this conversation has been had 7,000 times and I don't know what else I can say that hasn't already been said.
I don't even know what else to add, except that if anyone tries to exclude my fellow aspecs from this community, they will be blocked from every single one of my blogs, IMMEDIATELY, without question. If you think that aspec identities that are favorable or indifferent or partnering or experience that little attraction aren't part of this community, go ahead and block me, too. I'm tired of aspec exclusionism and gatekeeping.
Also, let's not forget that plenty of allos are being weird about all aspec identities in this whole mess. The number of alloroses I see talking about "but it's a spectrum!" and then absolutely not representing or considering that at all in their shipping is actually disgusting.
Like, how disrespectful is it to demisexuality for an allosexual person to say they intend to write character as demisexual, only to not at all represent or consider any of the ways that being demisexual might affect the character or their relationships or anything, and just treat them as just "a bit prudish"? (this is an actual thing I have seen pretty frequently). It seems so objectifying! It's like weaponizing someone's identity just to not even give them what was promised!
Or how so many people tend to treat QPRs as "romance lite", when they are not at all the same thing!
I don't have a good conclusion to all this, except stop fighting each other so much and fight allonormativity more.
leave transmascs/nonbinary people alone stop calling them theyfabs stop it stop it this is part of the reason i’m scared to come out as transmasc to people or present masc or anything because people say insane shit like “trans mascs have male privilege so they aren’t opressed” or whatever new dumb transandrophobic phrase they come up with. if you’re also queer and are mean to transmascs and non binary people you are a fucking traitor and not helping queer people at all.
hey so i know this is crazy to hear but like, you know trans men aren’t destroying feminism, right ? feminism still exists. feminism can exist without being a way of making trans men the enemy. you can be a feminist and support trans men. crazyyyy i know
being a feminist does not give you an excuse to shove trans men into a box that is labelled with “ scum of the earth woman haters “ just because you think being a trans man= automatic woman hater.
like….you do realise that support of trans men can coexist alongside being a feminist, right ? you really can just, realise that not every single trans man is going to scoff at the sight of a woman. in fact, every trans man i know, irl and online, respect women and can engage in civil and normal conversations with them.
honestly, there could be the nicest trans man who is nothing but respectful towards women and some of y’all will still say he’s scum. please just talk to a trans man. maybe you’ll understand that the majority of us are not the monsters you’ve made us out to be.
this is my best attempt to briefly explain the internet psyop
and then the majority leftist minority group is pre-occupied with infighting
there was gonna be a panel about real trans women falling for the fedposts but i ran out of booze anyway stop caring about stuff that doesn't matter like who's the most oppressed or what 4tranners think about you, they're killing us. All of us.
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i don’t want to generalise or erase the fact that everything in politics has nuance and that it’s very rarely just black and white, left vs right, but i think a lot of people on here critique or argue with other leftists because they’re accessible when really their anger is directed towards the right wing. like it’s easier to infight than tackle the bigger problem.
i’m sure someone can structure and articulate this point better but i’ve just been thinking about it for a little bit :’)
Sometimes I get a tip of an iceberg type post talking about queer infighting and I realize that I am not as chronically online as I sometimes fear because I look at those things and I just think "oh they're finding new demographics to give the ace discourse treatment"
If you find yourself looking at another group of queer people and thinking of them as your enemy you are heading down the wrong path. Your issue with them is interpersonal, not systemic. When it comes to the world at large other queer people—no matter how different they are to you—are you allies, not your oppressors.
Trying to stay sane but once a day I see something like, "We are covered in shit, and this shit is our special shit, the worst shit to get covered in. Your shit is just the rest of the shit that falls off us" and "That's our shit, stop stealing the shit that's our shit! Why won't you acknowledge how covered in shit we are!" and "Why can't we ever talk about being covered in shit without those other people covered in shit trying to steal the shit covering us!" and "We have special shit, stop acting like our shit is only your shit."
Now imagine everyone in this conversation is getting nonstop blasted the whole time, deluged if you will, under a veritable Niagara Falls tidal wave of diarrhea, and people in the background are drowning and dead and corpses just bloated from drowning in shit are stacked up around them, but these two just refuse to stop fighting each other inside the shit tsunami. Just fighting to the death about having the most unique shit, no one involved has tried to look up at where the shit's falling from in a year, everyone forgot about digestion and animals pooping, and the idea of at least maybe stop fighting and swim out from under the shitstream is anathema. Don't even mention the shit lake has a considerably less shit covered shore unless you want death threats about not considering the smell.
