All those days filled so with lies,

That I let you love this girl,

Whom I crafted before your eyes.

It's not that she wasn't me,

At one point she could have been,

But by the time you met her,

That point of my life had come to end.

I fear you're falling for a ghost.

Shattered dreams and memories,

What once was but never will again.

You cling so tightly to the past,

You dont see me,

But who i was before.

The girl that you hold so very dear,

If you can call it that when my heart is miles away.

An ocean between us,

Each of us counting down the days,

Until you're back,

Safe, and in my arms,

Emotions bring me to my knees,

You were here with me,

Another growing distance,

You think I'd be used to the emptiness by now,

Though this year seems different,

Am I less lonesome or so much more?

It is familiar,

And yet I find myself afraid.

Perhaps it is the sunny days I find myself missing you the most,

The sunny rays highlight the dark spots that the rain so easily hides away.

In the storms I lose sense that I myself am dark,

But I cannot hide this away underneath the daylight spark.

As did her mother,

Neither making it out of their 20s unscathed,

Whether outside factors or familial trait,

I'm not quite ready for this fate,

Of the what ifs,

The might have beens,

Of who I am,

And who I was,