#incorrect arcane

Jayce: *Comes back to the lab after like 3 days away for Council bs*

Viktor: *Hasn't slept*

Jayce: Hey, how's it going--

Viktor: *Accidentally paper cuts himself* Ow!

Jayce: Shit, you okay?!

Viktor: ...

Viktor: ...I figured it out.

Jayce: Figured what out?

Viktor: The reason that wounds that break the skin hurt is because it's always supposed to be dark inside your body and when your blood sees sunlight for the first time it gets scared. And that causes the pain.

Jayce:

Viktor:

Jayce:

Viktor: The sky.

Caitlyn: No, I meant, what are you doing?

Viktor: Oh, Jayce.

Jinx: Burning all these awful clothes.

Caitlyn: Those are mine! I wanted those back!

Caitlyn: You need my library card to visit Viktor, don’t you?

Mel: You used to be shy, now you’re a whore.

Au where Vik never left Zaun

Jinx: Viktor! That clingy rich asshole is on the phone, says it’s urgent wants to talk to you!

Jinx, whispering: Sounds a little dtf-y.

Viktor: Oh, god! It was one time! If I hadn’t slept with that privileged asshole none of us would have access to Hextech.

Silco: …

Silco: You what?

WEEKS EARLIER:

Viktor: Got the gem, got the gem, got this fucking spikey gem.

Viktor, climbing over the balcony: Oh! Oh, shit!

*viktor falls into a council meeting*

Viktor, to Mel: Sorry, I fucked your husband.

PRESENT DAY:

Jinx: Viktor!

Viktor: I heard you already!

Viktor, on the phone with Jayce: So, what can I do you for this time Jayce?

Jayce: There’s a political candidate causing trouble up here for a few of my associates. She’s trying to convince people to wage war on Zaun.

Viktor: Why?

Jayce: Well, she’s from Noxus. More people die if something is done about it. And it gets lonely here.

Viktor: Well, yeah, that makes sense.

Jayce: And you know what happens when I’m lonely, V.

Viktor: Oh, god, fucking damnit.

Jayce: When I’m lonely, I become hungry, and when I become hungry I want to choke on that [bleep] of yours [bleep] [bleep] then lick all of [bleep] before taking out your [bleep] with my teeth until your screaming [bleep] [bleep] like a fucking baby!

*viktor hangs up, splits his phone in half, crushes it with a hammer, and throws it in a blender*

Viktor, to Jinx: Eat this. And then you know that bridge off of the highway?

Jinx: Yeah?

Ekko, whispering: She sounds a little dtf-y.

Vi: Oh, god! It was one time! If I hadn’t slept with that privileged asshole, I would’ve never made it out of prison.

Jinx: …

Jinx: You what?

Ekko: Vi!

Vi: Uhh… I think Caitlyn’s kinda spoiled.

Caitlyn: And I feel like Vi’s a bitch!

Viktor: Not quite what I was looking for…

Viktor: It seems that almost every time either of you are in trouble, you’re always together.

Jayce: Is there something between the two of you that you may not realize?

Vi: What does any of that even mean?

Caitlyn: They’re asking if we’re lesbians.