#inappropriate affect

shoutout to people who often get misinterpreted because they express a lot of different emotions in very similar ways.

shoutout to people who have the "wrong" reaction to a situation (e.g. laughing when bad things happen) and get treated worse for it.

shoutout to people who have exaggerated emotional expression and gets seen as overdramatic or manipulative.

Take grief. Some people cry. Some people are numb. Some people distract themselves. Some people smile and laugh. All of these are valid responses. But I was told that I should cry when someone dies. When I didn’t as a child, they said I was broken. No. I was emotionally numb and unable to express my emotions properly because sometimes I cannot tell what I actually feel. Emotions can be so overwhelming that my body cannot process anything so I am left numb. It is not a flaw or a defect. It is just how my brain works. My brain is just as valid as yours.

I find myself acting so much. It's usually not that I don't feel the things (though sometimes I'm very numb), but it's more-so the issue that I'm naturally not very expressive or I express wrong. I believe this is what the literature refers to as flat and/or inappropriate affect.

So as a result I have to really think about how I come across, and pull all the right faces, so people will know my actual emotions and not assume wrong based on my gestures.

Sometimes I also think that this feeling might be related to the self disturbance? Since I feel alienated from my own actions, it stands to reason that I see it as an "act" to be observed. But maybe it's actually normal, just another form of human communication, and I'm overthinking. Maybe it's normal for emotional displays to be deliberate communication?

Yep! That’s called ‘inappropriate affect’ and it’s one of the symptoms that overlaps with schizophrenia spectrum disorders. It can mean reacting inappropriately, or not expressing a reaction. I have a quite blunted/muted affect myself so I often unintentionally come across as harsh when I’m not actively trying to be nice.

people will tell me the most personal things after not knowing me for very long and i'm wondering if it's because of my minimal reactions. for me at least, i don't always like telling other people particularly shocking things because it can be overwhelming to then have to deal with their strong reaction. but someone can tell me the most shocking, out of pocket, horrifying, or taboo thing ever and i'll just be like "okay". for a long time i viewed this as a negative, like i wasn't responding properly, like i was "supposed" to be mirroring others' emotions better. but now i'm wondering if it actually helps me sometimes? by providing a more low-stakes listening ear?