#inadequacy

The chapter "Captive Bird" in Caleb's story "Homecoming Wings" is where we see his possessiveness start to show after MC triggers a trauma response for him, telling Caleb that hes no longer needed in her life and that she can take care of herself now without his help.

I will throw in my personal headcanon for Caleb and say that he shows BPD-adjacent symptoms. At the very least, we know that he's got abandonment and attachment issues based on the way he responded to her and his desperate need to keep mc safe/secure and in a world only for them two. Based on my own personal experience, as someone who can heavily relate to Caleb mentally, I will say that having your favorite person/fp (someone who you become emotionally dependent and obsessive with) tell you that you're no longer needed in their life or that you're not important to them anymore is one of the biggest triggers for those of us with abandonment issues. To us, we see those words as "oh, theyre going to leave me/replace me soon" and it sends us into a quick spiral that we can't get out of until we've let it all out or our episode ends. Caleb's reaction to mc is understandable, but not justifiable. Perosnally, I never put my hands on someone when I went off on them or when I had a mental episode myself, so Im not gonna sit here and say that he had the right to do that since he snapped and got too emotional. HOWEVER, I do understand his desperation in that scene, and what he only did was grab her (he isnt the first LI to manhandle mc COUGH) not actually physically abuse her like a lot of the fandom made it out to be. By Caleb forcing MC to look at him and pay attention to how he feels about her dismissing his feelings and to see his pain, it shows the player that he's on his last string, that he's desperate, and also shows his anxiety about mc potentially abandong him. The writers and the animators did a fantastic job at showing that side of Caleb without romanticizing his mental illness or villainizing him, and I really appreciate that. It's unfortunate that this fandom is very ignorant when it comes to mental health, however, as they ended up romanticizing and villainzing him anyway.

Now, Captive Bird and the main story aside, with the Memorias, we start to see Caleb learn how to control his emotions and hide how he feels so that he doesn't burden MC—but then we see MC start to understand what Caleb's going through and now we see her wanting to see that side of him more, too. With his possessiveness especially, it never went away. We are reminded throughout the different card's stories and his dialouge throughout the game that he still very much wants to keep mc to himself, its just, as he put it, he's learned to wait for her to come to him instead of forcing it:

Caleb's grown a lot since Homecoming Wings, but when a lot of neurotypicals think of "healing", they imagine someone like Caleb completely changing into a whole different person—that is not how mental health works. Healing is a journey, not a straight path forward, and many people end up never healing despite their best efforts. There are a lot of mental disorders one can have that they never recover from, and if Caleb does have BPD, often it can be severe enough to where the best we can do is have our symptoms appear more "mild"—but it never goes away. His possessive feelings may never go away. His want to keep mc to himself because it makes him feel secure with himself and the relationship may never go away either, but it's admirable that Caleb, at the very least, is making the choice to at least learn on how to handle his emotions rather than let it consume and control his life. Its not easy, of course, and I have a feeling that Caleb's next main story will remind us of why its not easy to change emotions that you especially cant control very well anyway, but again, it's inspiring to see him at least try. And I love that MC isn't shaming him for how he feels anymore either. She understands that his possessiveness doesn't stem from control, but from his own anxieties with being abandoned by her, and I think the fandom needs to learn and understand that, too, that not everyone who gets jealous or possessive in relationships is acting that way to be some abusive jerkass. Bringing up my own personal feelings and experiences again, I can reassure you that every fp that Ive had over the years, I never wanted to "control" them—but I couldnt help my feelings of inadequacy whenever they'd talk about someone else, and that feeling of "oh theyre going to abandon me" started to creep in because I felt like they'll eventually replace me with someone else, that they'll get tired of me eventually and would want to move on (and I was always right, too). Hell, even now with my current favorite person, it's a struggle whenever she brings up her other friends to me, but just like Caleb, Im starting to learn how to reassure myself that I am someone important to her, ask for reassurance if needed, and not make how I feel a burden to her, either.

No one understands how hard it is to be obsessive and possessive and jealous unless they've been in our shoes, so its easy to judge someone for feeling that way. I would love it if the fandom stopped painting Caleb as this "yandere villain" (headcanons are fine, though) and start treating Caleb for who he actually is—someone who's hurt and doesnt know how to love "properly" or trust others due to his past trauma as a child.

So... finding compersion for your partners in their happiness with other partners is similar to finding happiness in the good things that happen for your friends, even if they are things you might want for yourself.

Seeing someone else being happy, and finding joy in that happiness for itself. Without thinking what it does for you, what it could be for you, etc.

The good news, compersion is a skill that can be built up, and not a magical thing you have or don't have.

You can start small. Your partner (or friend, but we're thinking about poly here.) went out and got to eat their favorite food with a new person. Maybe you like seeing them eat their favorite food, and are a bit put out that you didn't get to experience it, and this new person did instead. But what you need to focus on is that your partner got something they like, and they're happy. You like it when your partner is happy, right? Keep your focus on that feeling of being happy in your partner's joy, even if you aren't the cause of it.

Compersion is a practice as much as it is a singular event or emotion. You can rewrite the pathways in your brain to seek joy in others joy. But this does come hand in hand with exploring your own feelings of envy, jealousy, and inadequacy.

If your partner is doing something with their new person, and you feel that stab of jealousy rise up: Explore it.

What is the new person getting that you aren't?

What is it about the activity that make you feel like you're missing out?

Is it the activity itself?

Is it the excitement or NRE they're showing for the new person?

Is it that you haven't gotten to do something fun and new with your partner in a while?

Are you unhappy that they're having fun with someone else and not you?

When was the last time you had that sort of fun?

Can you communicate your findings to your partner, and collaborate on a solution that helps you feel better?

Sometimes finding the answers to these kinds of questions will also help you find compersion the next time your partner tells you about the great time they had with their new person.