Its so. Much. To have a "crush" on someone you're already in love with.
Someone you were very good friends with then did actually date. Someone you didnt talk to for years but never stopped thinking of. Someone you dont just have to imagine what kissing them would feel like, who was great at sex a decade ago and you know it'd be incredible now. Someone who you know their family, their traumas and losses, their dog thats older than your friendship. Someone with a million old memories, good and bad, overlaying the new while you try to discern if.
If what??? If they return the feelings? If theyre going to turn you down for good and tell you they never felt the glow you feel around them? If they know how you feel. If theyre ever going to be ready to let themselves BE in a relationship.
Its. So much. So many emotions. It feels like standing on the edge of a cliff to even think about verbally getting into them, because theres always the very real option that they say they feel NONE of it and youre just.
Lost.
Because the person who feels like home doesn't. Maybe never did. Feel the same
