#impossible dream

I dream an impossible dream. One of those dreams that can only happen in the life of death. Something dark that only a few can understand.

In my life I have lost both my grandparents. The only one I knew was one grandma and she died my senior year of high school.

I have lost my Pawpaw Art (uncle art) and my dad.

I have lost my father n law and one brother n law.

I have lost my oldest nephew.

I have lost my oldest son at 11 months to a genetic disease.

I dream of a family gathering with everyone living and dead.

We all gather around hanging out enjoying each other’s company.

We are happy to see my oldest son normal like his brother and sister whom are happily playing together outside.

No one fights, argue, nothing negative.

I cry at the sight, my heart breaks knowing it’s just an illusion.

Just my mind wanting a better memory, a better thought.

I love my life, but I miss those that passed too.

It’s a never ending battle of mind tricks to get through another day for my two kids I still have.

Impossible dream of wishing my two kids to meet their brother and all the others that we lost.

Another day another impossible dream.

the line that sticks in my head is "to be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause"

and this resonates with what I've been looking at recently. how there are people who risk their freedom and safety for something worth fighting for-- when they could just as easily not put their lives on the line for others, for freedom, for truth.

yesterday read Ilya Yashin's uncompromising defense of his antiwar position -- not backing down even though he is in prison, trapped by the regime he is fighting.

and I'm reading a book about Howard Baskerville, who in 1908 fought alongside Constitutionalists in Persia, trying to defend its first democracy, and was killed in the process.