#imbadatit

Brighet shifted in her lifted seat, turning her head right and left, scanning the garage for a spot big enough to park the Tundra. “I hate this stupid, fucking thing. I told him not to buy it. I can’t drive the fucker,” she said, slowing her pace to a crawl.

“It’s not that bad,” I replied, vacantly staring ahead. My voice stayed level.

“Are you looking? I need a copilot right now, not a robot.”

“It’s been a long day.”

“It’s not going to get any shorter if we can’t park this beast and buy some groceries.”

I didn’t reply, but looked toward the window. She was right. I had to at least pretend to look. “What about that one?” I said quietly.

“Yes!” she yelled and jerked the wheel to her right. Easing forward, she tried to nose the truck between two black sedans, but she realized she wasn’t going to fit without scraping her mirror. “Damnit,” she whispered under her breath as she slammed it into reverse. She was going to start panicking.

“Not that one, I guess,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant and engaged.

“We’ll just keep looking,” she said, her anger sliding into resignation. We were going to be driving for awhile. “But seriously. Why are you being weird?”

“Weird?” That’s not how I would have described it.

“You have no emotion right now. Why aren’t you mad? Why aren’t you scared of my driving?”

“I told you. It’s been a long day.”

“What did you do?”

I took a deep breath and looked at the floor. “I had to talk to my mom today.”

“About…?” She tried to turn into a spot to her left, cranking the wheel and clenching her teeth. She slammed on the brakes and turned to look at me. “Wait. You haven’t talked to your mom in years!”

“Yeah. It was interesting.”

“What did you have to talk to her about?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Pause.

So, I've been trying to build up my endurance for the past couple of weeks and I'm quite pleased with the results so far!

I mean, I'm not like I'm a pro-athlete in the sense I can run for a mile under four minutes- I don't think that's ever going to happen! However, I feel like I'm getting stronger each time I hit the treadmill and I don't get as tired anymore. I also feel strong mentally whenever I jog- like, my mind is running around laps with me.

I also have moments wherever I want to give up, I'm now capable of encouraging myself to keep going further: "Don't give up, Dolly! You can do it! Just a little longer!" That process of self dialogue and motivational pep talks was never there until now, for some reason. I feel like that's been the biggest accomplishment yet.

It just feels like exercising for the past bit has been a big stress reliever. I also feel like it's a time reserved for me and it makes it a little bit more special that way! I mean, I take time out of my day to go to the gym because it's meant for me and no one else. I use this time to take care of my body and it's given me a self-confidence boost to know I'm able to think about myself, for once! It kinda makes me think- if I can jog for a certain amount time, for example, I'm capable of doing something amazing in another part of my life!