#imabigkidnow

So my birthday was on the 21st of November. As I was putting together goofy TikToks and sourcing old photos of myself I had a number of things become apparent to me.

1. My face has not really changed all that much lol!

2. I have grown and learned SOOO much in life and about myself.

3. Too much of my youth and my life was consumed by and focused on my weight and how I looked. And how that corresponded to my worth in society.

I may not be where I thought or dreamed I would be by the time I turned 34 neither in my career or financially. But I could not possibly have dreamed of the person I am and continue to become at this age. I was going through my old yearbooks and scrapbooks from high school and I was immediately struck by my size. In those photos was a girl who was constantly told that she had to look a certain way to be considered beautiful, to be valued and to be loved. Told that if I wasn't skinny I would never get the parts that I wanted, the guy that I wanted and would never be enough.

All I could do was cry for that poor girl who struggled so hard to maintain a weight that seemed suitable and who truly thought she was fat. I look at those pictures now and I WISH I looked now the way I looked in those photos! Isn't life funny? Do I still struggle with my weight, of course, I do. But the difference is that the messages I allow myself to receive are ones that build me up rather than tear me down.

I look at myself now, 34 years old, out, married, childless, and with a steadily rising career. I am proud of all the things that I have learned over the past 17 years and I look forward to all the things I will learn in the next 17 years. I learned to look at myself differently. I learned to redefine what success and fulfillment look like to me, and not to stress about meeting someone else’s standard of success. I may not be where I thought I would be at 34 but that doesn't make my journey, my process or my accomplishments any less valid. Because let's face it, If 17 yr old me met present-day me she would think my life is pretty freaking cool! I aim to make that 17 yr old proud, every single day!

Katherine by Raul Romo!